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Happy post-Thanksgiving, y’all! We are one week away from the latest fun edition of the Internet Read Aloud, my live Internet-themed comedy show, in Los Angeles!

It’s gonna be lit, much like a Christmas tree and/or menorah! Here’s the Facebook event!

And if you’re tired of me always plugging this show because you “don’t live in Los Angeles and have no intention of going there” or whatever, GOOD NEWS: if you live in the San Francisco Bay Area or plan to go there, you can see The Internet Read Aloud at SF SketchFest 2020!

The show is on Saturday, January 18 at 10 pm and I’m cohosting it with Rifftrax’s Conor Lastowka! Performers include Bill Corbett of MST3K/Rifftrax, Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks, and some more people that we haven’t booked yet but will soon! Seating is limited so get your tickets now!

Only limited numbers of you made the comments of the week this week, but this was the week’s funniest!

“‘Mistletoe Express‘ sounds like the code name the Attorney General used to cover the massive investigation into the decade-long, company-wide string of sexual harassment at Amtrak.” –Ettorre

And your runners up! Very funny!

“The artist may have put a lot of unnecessary effort into designing those chess pieces (and copypasting each piece over and over to create a whole set, the lines of which are clearly off-scale in relation to the rest of the strip), but you have to admire how he pasted Dag’s ‘shocked’ face so the eyes are looking at Elmo, high above the board, rather than Elmo’s move. It’s the sort of ‘screw it, good enough’ attitude towards line-of-sight alignment that I haven’t seen since Detective Pikachu.” –Goiter Boy

“In a comic strip it immediately counts as a joke if you mention something that didn’t exist in 1963. Even if it also doesn’t exist in 2019.” –Rube

“I bet the Blondie writer knew pretty quickly it was a terrible joke, maybe even before he started, I mean, how can he not know that? He is, technically, a professional comedy writer. In a weird way I respect that he ignored all concerns about quality and respect for his audience and just plowed ahead, like some Soviet comedian who knows the Politburo’s obsession with turkey puns is painfully lame but also knows saying so would get him a trip to the gulag.” –toxic

“Based on the fact that, every day, Iris looks younger and younger, Zak older and older and Wilbur shorter and uglier, I think the big twist isn’t pregnancy. It’s that Iris is a succubus, and is growing in strength and size from draining the life energy of Charterstone men.” –Where’s Rocky?

STATE V. SMIF: The motion of petitioner for leave to proceed in forma pauperis is denied. Petitioner is reminded to submit future petitions in compliance with Rule 33.1 of the Rules of this Court, paying particular attention to the subsection which states this Court may deny any petition with tobacco stains.” –Voshkod

“The menacing silhouette reminds Hi to close the bathroom door before he shaves his balls, which he had better do today, she felt stubble last night.” –nescio

“I’d like to imagine that the ‘Soo-Preme Court‘ is a panel of highly intelligent pigs, all dressed in little black robes. One can even hold a gavel in his mouth. But Sheriff Tait is right: they’re two towns over. Snuffy will never make it.” –Joe Blevins

“A dog eating a mailman is wrong, but understandable since he’s a carnivore. Now, a goose eating a turkey… that’s just fucked.” –Pozzo

Tomorrow’s surgery should go just fine. Did you notice I included the word ‘should’ there? Please acknowledge that verbally. Oh, it’s no big deal — that’s just something our lawyers like to have us do for some reason.” –BigTed

“The joke is that this is clearly Act I scene 2 of The Nutcracker, and the speaking audience member is spoiling the overwhelming dramatic tension of What happens next??????? by referring to a character who doesn’t appear until Act II. Oh the risible churlishness!” –odinthor

“Is her friend the fourth fairy from the left? Because that chick’s ass is 12 feet off the stage in a grand jeté. I’d be proud as hell to know her, too. And, you know, grateful.” –boojum

“That’s right, this place is packed with well known gym equipment! Equipment like groin-high treadmills, a stationary bike with the seat four inches from the handlebars, and a volleyball and lasso. Why, they even have a set of playground monkeybars and a cannonball! This place is truly gym-packed!” –Mighty Sean Young

“Thanks for the heartfelt Thanksgiving wishes, located under the garbage can. I guess?” –Just John

“The town being saved by selling scrap iron from a broken down train might actually BE a good story. Good but not great.” –foodar

“We are all in a state of permanent decay, our once-wonderful and strong bodies slowly betraying us with the march of time and age, but that only happens to ladies! Women be dyin’ amirite?” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“I have absolutely no idea what is going on in this strip anymore, so I’ll just say that it’s pretty impressive how many apples that family managed to cram into that fruit bowl.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

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