UPDATE TO THIS: We are postponing this show because none of us feel very funny, what with what’s going in the US right now. But email me if you want your name added to the list and we’ll contact you with a new date and time when we know it!
A reminder to everyone: my beloved live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is at long last going to be live online — specifically on Zoom, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern, on June 5 — a mere week from today!
How do you “attend” this show? Well, you’ll need a URL from me, which isn’t ready yet, and the easiest way to get it is to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll put you on my list. (I won’t use use your email for any purpose other than letting you know about this specific show.) You can also say you’re going on Facebook, if that appeals to you!
I’ve never done anything like this before, so it’ll be a bit of an experiment, but there are four great comics on the bill and I’m very excited to try it out. So get hyped and I will hopefully “see” you “there”!
What isn’t experimental — what is in fact very tried and true — is sharing with you this week’s top comment:
“He called Buck ‘pal.’ Buck is nobody’s pal. Truck didn’t have Covid, he clearly has something more insidious that attacks the brain.” –Carl Karnuth
And the runners up! Very funny!
“Is Mark relaxing in the middle of his pot patch? That might explain his sudden fascination with politics and pigs. ‘It’s like, reverse 1984, man. You know, like under communism, hairy pigs weren’t equal? But under capitalism, all pigs are equal? Equal for the slaughterhouse, man.’” –Voshkod
“Martin and Mason make plans to sabotage their successful Hollywood careers together. Because in Funky Winkerbean you can either wait for the universe to ruin your life for you or you can beat it to the punch, experiencing the thrill that comes from outspeeding the Gloom Bringer. It all ends the same way, might as well go out on your own terms.” –Lionheart
“There’s only one director I trust with directing Lisa’s Story: Rian Johnson. Knives Out proves he can make medium-sized movies with unlikable characters. Last Jedi proves he will not refrain from killing some sacred cows. His Twitter account proves that he will deliciously irritate Lisa’s Story fanatic fan base, i.e., only Les.” –Ettorre
“In an acknowledgement of the arrival of summer, Fenris Ulfr vomits forth the sun.” –richardf8
“Don’t give her grief for getting the expression wrong; she probably hasn’t been talking that long. I mean, how old is she? (That’s not rhetorical; I literally have no idea how old these kids are supposed to be.)” –Pozzo
“So much has changed in this new age, as Dagwood bids a final farewell to his only real friend, locks himself in his concrete bunker marked only by an ominous warning on the steel door (tricked up to look like a normal door in an effort to thwart looters), and leaves Blondie, Alexander, Cookie and that asshole Dithers, nay, everyone, to their fate.” –Lawyerbob
“Dagwood should know superheroes never make the ‘ultimate sacrifice‘ since most of them come back from the dead all the time. Dagwood sobbed during the Dark Phoneix saga and wept tears of joy when Jean Grey came back only to break down when she died again — and came back yet again. Elmo is right. Dagwood really knows how to cover the important stuff.” –KMD
“Great flag, Mr B! It must be, what, 20 inches long and over a foot wide? The pride of the neighborhood!” –Just John
“I feel like the Venn diagram of people who watch internet concerts and people who buy CDs in 2020 doesn’t overlap at all.” –Rosstifer
“You guys, I think Mary Worth just cured everyone’s anxiety with a simple solution — just don’t be anxious. Brilliant! Why didn’t the rest of us think of this before? Sorry, Big Pharma and Big Therapy, you’ve been benched.” –Joe Blevins
“Buck’s head is so full of big ideas, his neck long ago gave up on trying to support it.” –Red Greenback
“I agree with Josh that the ‘eye dialog’ in this strip is annoying, as in Panel 1 where Miz Prunelli’s word balloon contains the word ‘enny’ in place of ‘any’, when of course they sound exactly the same. I believe the boldface ‘furst’ is in fact appropriate, however, since Jughaid is emphasizing that he knows what the correct word is, in contrast to his Unk Snuffy who would surely have said ‘fustest.’” –seismic-2
“We’re missing the real story here, which is that a Civil War reenactor is wandering around Camp Swampy, possibly violating the terms of his hobby by collecting information on modern warfare so he can change the outcome of the battle he’s taking part in. Why he’d do this is a mystery since he’s clearly on the Union side, and the 1861 capture of Parris Island was successful. Then again maybe the real story is he’s the one who really put Beetle to sleep with boring facts about daily life in 19th century warfare.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“The Lockhorns, ladies and gentlemen! Today, Leroy goes to extreme measures to get out of his gym contract! Remember gym contracts? Contracts? With gyms? You know, the hot, sweaty arenas where bodily fluids are continuously exchanged? Those brick-and-mortar businesses who, due to the pandemic and social distancing, have shuttered their doors and pivoted to pay-as-you-go online classes for a fraction of their usual membership fees in order to slightly postpone spiraling into bankruptcy? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment, where Leroy tries to get out of his marriage by shouting ‘Fire!’ in a crowded movie theater.” –Carsick Yankee
“Reprobate School has been good for Mike. The English department has already taught him a new word to add to his lexicon: ‘reprobate.’ Tomorrow: ‘lexicon.’” –Only Here For The Ads
“Part of me is sad that Hugo and I couldn’t make our romance work, especially after he moved to another country and we both started dating other people. I mean, we did everything we could, other than staying in the same country and not dating other people, right? Love is strange that way. Well, at least Jared will never leave me — it isn’t as if he could ever do better.” –BigTed
“Dawn had literally the easiest break-up in history, but if she didn’t stare wistfully into the middle distance and complain about it, she wouldn’t be the Dawn Weston we’ve come to know and… I mean ‘love’ is a little strong. Just ‘know’ is fine.” –Dan
“Yeah, I can see why they had to use Sam for this one and not Barfy.” –Zla’od
“‘Technically, we’re all part of the Universe, and the Universe is part of us. Connected together beyond time and the space between the stars, we are woven into a fabric that cannot be destroyed by any trivial differences of appearance or circumstance. Maybe the new hero could embody this idea?’ ‘Geez, who wants to think about any of that? I just want a guy who sparkles and hits people.’” –GeoGreg
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