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Enjoy your last moments of July with your comment of the week!

Well, right now they’re in Current Affairs. Because I’m an idiot. I can’t tell any type of reading material apart. A big fat novel looks like a magazine or a newspaper to me. It’s no accident these books don’t have anything on their covers. I order them that way, because I become confused and enraged when I have to see words. I named my bookstore ‘Books.’ God, I’m dumb.” –made of wince

And get ready for August with your hilarious runners up!

“Norway doesn’t get all that hot, even in mid-summer. So Hagar and Eddie aren’t sweating because of the temperature — they’re just very, very serious alcoholics.” –BigTed

“I feel that we’ve really bitten into the idea that this elderly woman is Melissa Claridge to our detriment. What if we’re not wiping out that part of the Rex Morgan, M.D. continuity, but instead revealing that Rex has long been harangued by a near-constant stream of elderly white women?” –Corynaut

“Well at least Madi is getting a head start on learning that she can’t rely on any of the men in her family! Who wants to bet she won’t be nearly as torn up inside when her dad eventually dies?” –Lionheart

“Out of every expression in that last panel, it’s Cookie’s that concerns me the most: the voice bubble says ‘Yay!’ but her face looks haunted, as if she just remembered the bag of shit-stained guest towels she has to discretely dispose of under cover of darkness.” –pugfuggly

“Look, conservation of mass implies that whatever goes into Dagwood eventually has to come out of Dagwood. Toilet paper is serious business in that household, is what I’m getting at.” –Dmsilev

“Sorry about this, Catfox, but you can’t go home until you decide which species you want to be.” –jroggs

“I believe they meant 1952’s Zombies of the Stratosphere in which Nimoy did appear. As Crankshaft himself might say, ‘They mixed their movie-phors.’” –Sir Bagsby

I’m proud of you, son, for showing your baby a weird and irrelevant movie that he is far too young to enjoy or even remember! My standards are exceptionally low.” –Mr. A

“Aging, his vitality running low, the healer seeks a younger man to perform the ritual mating so the practice may continue. The mysterious village elder has already spoken to him about it. With any luck, this ends with some sort of large structure with Rex inside it being set on fire.” –matt w

“Let’s see, six suits. Business suit, casual suit, white suit for the summer, hazmat suit, lawsuit for hiding in that lady’s closet, and fursuit (just because he’s a bear doesn’t mean his fursona is a bear).” –Voshkod

“Is Dennis holding a carton of cigarettes? Gotta start ’em young!” –Lord Flatulence

“Today’s Crankshaft strip informs us that portions of the 1935 movie serial The Phantom Empire were filmed in the Bronson Canyon section of Griffith Park (as were a host of other movies and TV shows over the years, on account of its proximity to Hollywood). It should also be noted that Bronson Canyon got its name from the Bronson Caves contained within it, and they in turn were named for the nearby Bronson Avenue, which also gave its name to the Bronson Gate entrance to Paramount Studios, which was the source of the name that Charles Buchinsky chose when he became actor Charles Bronson. I point this story out because it is just as boring and pointless as today’s episode of Crankshaft.” –seismic-2

“Look at the Perfesser in that second panel. Look how he’s staring directly at us, the readers. That’s not the goggle-eyed gaze of someone reacting to a bad joke. No, that’s the horrified look of someone who has finally seen through the fourth wall. He thought he was just looking out a window, but he has looked out of his own existence to our greater reality. His eyes have widened in existential horror as he realized that he is just a character in a legacy comic strip. He has no objective reality. He can never truly die, just as he has never truly lived, and the shock of that realization is drawn in every line on his face. Or maybe he’s pooping his pants.” –RichterCa

“Grimm is an Uber executive so it just doesn’t feel right to him if he’s not crapping all over a driver.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Maybe it’s me, but it seems a bad idea to play cute with the shelving of a book that’s getting a profile-raising miniseries on CBS All Access.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

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