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What’s that, kids? You want your COTW? Well, you’ve got it!

“God damn Rex must love everyone wearing masks. No need for facial expressions or warmth or reaction of any kind. ‘Noted.’ Bam. Crushed it. Are you smiling? Far as she knows.” –Dan

And your runners up are also hilarious!

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, eh? Sounds like my love life. I mean my dinner selections! Jeez, can we just start over. Don’t move, kid. Just stay right there.” –Voshkod

Catsmo has articles like ‘How to service your partner with your tongue,’ but they’re about basic hygiene.” –Ettorre

“‘Cassandra Cat is the jewel thief.’ Wait. Nothing in the setup mentioned anything about jewels, only that the museum was robbed. Only Slylock knew that there were jewels — therefore Slylock must be the thief! I knew he would finally trip up. How many others have been wrongly convicted, I ask you?” –Just John

“I like how between panels 1 and 2 Hi escorts Lois into the ‘negatorium’, the special dark room he had constructed to provide the proper setting to air his grievances about the world.” –pugfuggly

“I know there are valid artistic reasons to have a character break the boundaries of a panel, but I’m not sure that ‘I need more room for the copyright notice’ is one of them.” –Mr. A

“How dare you try and experience joy!” –Lord Flatulence

“Aging is mandatory, maturity is optional, dementia is inevitable.” –Pozzo

“I’m fascinated by the way Harry’s interlocutor goes from polite attention to withering contempt in a matter of seconds. This is known as The Dinkle Trajectory, and poor Harry just thinks that’s how all first meetings between people are expected to go.” –Violet

“Harry: ‘I can see you’re a band director because you speak in measured tones.’
Other guy: ‘Oh, I thought you had figured it out because this is a music educators’ conference where most of the attendees are band directors.’” –Joshua K.

“Those are either slippers or knockoff Crocs and I hope the next three weeks covers Eve trying to file a personal injury suit against Amazon.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Some parents tip toe out of the room after putting their child to sleep. Marvin’s parents talk loudly over their son’s crib. Because they hate him, you see, and they also hate themselves.” –Ace

“Gosh, Rex Morgan, M.D., I don’t like Buck, but I don’t want him to die.” –Chyron HR

“In one strip, an elderly woman gets dragged to her death by an out of control dog. In another, two schmucks sit around a desk blabbering. One of these comics is about gentle meddling, the other is about two-fisted action. Which is which? The answer may surprise you.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Enjoy these grade school years with Sarah, but don’t enjoy your sons’ grade school years. Just hate every day of those years. Then, when Sarah is a teenager, hate those years. When your sons are teenagers, enjoy those years. When they all have become old enough to go to college, alternate between hating and enjoying those years. Got it? I can help you set up a schedule, if you’d like.” –made of wince

“Admittedly, though, this is a dumb question. It’s cheesecake, sir. It comes with a plate. A plate you have give back, by the way.” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe is really banking on the idea that if he continues to read the newspaper he edits in public, someone will think, ‘Who is that unpleasant, bitter bird and what is he reading? I’d sure like to get my news from the same source as him.’” –jenna

“In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the walking path was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all mondo
And all walkin’ my dog outside of the condo
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started selling men’s suits in my neighborhood
I had one little stumble and my mom turned pale
She said ‘You’re movin’ in with Mary Worth down in Santa Royale’
I whistled for a cab and in the front seat
Was a medium sized dog that was dressed like me.
If anything I can say that this cab is bad to the bone
But I thought ‘Nah, forget it. Yo dog, to Charterstone!’
I pulled up to the place about four or five
And I yelled to Saul Winter ‘Yo, your pet still alive?’
I looked at my kingdom
I could finally tell
That this would be my throne as the Queen of Santa Royale.” –jroggs

“Sad Level 1: You dress your twins in identical outfits.
Sad Level 2: You dress your non-twin kids in identical outfits.
Sad Level 3: You and your kids dress in identical outfits.
Sad Level 4: You and your dog dress in identical outfits.” –Truckosaurus

“I like the new, genteel Hagar. On his next raid, he’ll say to his victim, ‘Good day, sir. Would you prefer to be gored or beheaded? I must give you fair warning, they are both a bit messy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Eddie? Yeah, Eddie, listen, there are people who check up on lies now … yeah, I know … I KNOW! Get back to the monastery in England and make it look like 50 suicides, okay? Yes, I know that will take months. JUST DO IT!” –Dread

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