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What’s that sound? It’s the C to the O to the T to the W!

“Mary would rather tsk, tsk about the wild, sexy girl on a bad path than watch the magnificent pod of dolphins frolicking a hundred feet away from her. Say what you will about our Mary, she likes what she likes.” –BigTed

And your hilarious runners up are also making some noise!

Six casters on your office chair and an ice rink for a floor is an OSHA farce.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

“So disappointing to see the Lego bricks sitting there as a choking hazard for five panels while Marvin fails to take the bait. And his parents are distracted, too.” –nescio

“What the fuck is going on with Dick’s hand in that middle panel? Is this like the hands-free model of his watch phone, where you strap a plastic forearm to your shoulder?” –pugfuggly

“Dennis is going to be real disappointed in 20 years, when this kid isn’t the sympathetic defense attorney representing him, but rather the high profile D.A. bringing the charges.” –richardf8

“Look Hi, I’ll put it like this: if it’s a choice of having you working here or me having to look at your hideous family’s peanut-shaped heads and your baby’s weird hair all the time, well, you don’t want me making that decision.” –Truckosaurus

“Poor Chip. He puts on his cleanest hat, irons his shirt, finally combs the goddamn hair out of his goddamn eyes, and they still make him stand fourteen feet away from everyone else. Even Ditto is more included, and everyone hates that asshole.” –els

“I assume Mary’s out meddling in the lives of smugglers or fish because I can’t imagine her doing something as frivolous as a boat ride simply for pleasure.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Nega-Hi looked back at the Phantom Zone he had mounted as a trophy on the wall. The real Hi and his family, nearly frozen in time and space, looked back in horror. The boss rolled his eyes and moved on, and Nega-Hi began his march of conquest. First, this cube. Next, this floor. Finally, the company and eventually, the world! But for now, he finished his coffee as he chortled about his victory over the boss and the rules. Coffee first, conquest second, right after he finished those reports. There’s always time for conquest, he thought.” –Voshkod

Panel 2’s art might have been better saved for the day Dr. Jeff has to tell Mary about his terminal cancer diagnosis. Maybe it’s just me, but these are some really heavy emotional expressions for, ‘My son dated someone who wasn’t a cloistered nun,’ and ‘Really?’” –jroggs

“That birdie is a liar! Nothing gets interesting here!” –Ettorre

No tongue-wagging laughter after the punchline? What’s the matter with these people? Did they just get back from a funeral or something?” –made of wince

“Bird sex doesn’t require being attractive to humans, it requires being attractive to other birds. When that male bird wants to find a mate, he puffs up his chin butt and lets out a loud farting sound. It may be repulsive to us, but to the female of his species it’s pants-droppingly sexy AF.” –Tabby Lavalamp

Dennis the Menace trying to cash in on some of that sweet, sweet, uh… I guess Lockhorns cash?” –Dan

“While we’re on the topic of mouths vs. beaks, how exactly does a lipless bird-gal drink a martini? Does she just tilt the glass towards her face and hope for the best?” –Mr. A

“Depending on your point of view either Dennis is too young to remember Married with Children or it’s still three decades from airing. Anyway, it’s nice that he can drop by the Wilsons’ place anytime for some substitute Bundy barbs.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Maybe it’s just the doctor in me, Mary, but I would love to perform an appendectomy on you right now.” –Peanut Gallery

“Shouldn’t a flatlander like Barney have a car and not have to go everywhere on horseback, on a horse named for a car part? Or is the terrain of Hootin’ Holler so rugged that there’s no way for a car to negotiate it? Or is it just that bringin’ one of them fancy, demonic horseless carriages up there and flauntin’ it around all the time is a good way to get murdered?” –Morgan Wick

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