Metapost: Top weekly comments (on the internet) and top monthly internet jokes (on stage)
Folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: If you’re in LA on February 10, you can get some more laffs from me, live and in person! That’s because my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, back on its new day (the second Friday of the month) and a new time (8:30 pm) but the same place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) and the same shtick (jokes about the Internet). Here’s the Facebook event!
And now … your comment … of the week!
“Let’s say, and why not, that you need to calm an excitable Sunday lunch crowd at the local senior center. Gasoline Alley shows you the way: get them started on regional dialects, and you’ll have them distracted right up to tri-ominos time. 10/10 reader service, Gasoline Alley, no notes.” –pastordan
And your runners up! Very funny!
“I dunno about this being very un-menacing; burying a member of her household who her father wouldn’t is why Antigone was executed, after all.” –Tom
“The most significant feature for determining the location of Gasoline Alley is looking at the range of the black bear in America which is fairly limited. Given the bear has heard southerners say ‘bed’ we can further limit the possibilities to the contiguous areas of black bear habitat that reach into the American south. Assuming this bear hasn’t crossed up through Canada, that pretty much limits it to an eastern inland corridor between New England and the south. Northern West Virginia, Pennsylvania, or New York. Now, having done all this work and research we reach the inevitable follow up question: what is wrong with me?” –BananaSam
“‘When suddenly…’ in Judge Parker? Nope. I don’t believe it. –Where’s Rocky?
“Good idea! Once most of your athletes are out for the season with back and leg injuries you’ll save a lot of money on uniforms and transport.” –TheDiva
“I’m not sure how snowmen make ‘homemade ice,’ but the one on the right seems to be squatting.” –nescio
“Crock is right! In this alternate universe in which the Algerian war lasted well into the 2020s, France needs her soldiers not just to impose colonial dominance through the bayonets, but also to justify it to world through sick dances on TikTok!” –Ettorre
“They’re taking great care of her at the hospital! I mean, I assume. Is St Joseph’s in network with your provider? Well, let’s say adequate care, then.” –pugfuggly
“Order up, because you just got a job, like I was just talking about! I have the power to influence time and space, yet I still think vaping and smoking are the same deal!” –made of wince
“So Estelle doesn’t realize she’s committing the worst sin of First Date Etiquette by going on endlessly about her ex. Did she forget to renew her subscription to Cosmo? This is rookie-level.” –jp
“The Hayes Code and the Comics Code Authority probably give Gil Thorp wedgies because its ‘criminals’ are so milquetoast. ‘A pinch of grit is okay,’ they tell the strip as they hold its head in the toilet and flush. ‘You can depict actual crimes!’ they yell, shoving the comic into a locker.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“(A plugger gesturing towards the edge of reality) OH FOR PETE’S SAKE (A plugger will often exclaim this, even though he has no idea who Pete is. His universe is only a small box, containing nothing but himself and a featureless lavender void.)” –Dan
“In retrospect, that was an obviously unprofessional and pointless thing to do, and the general is fully justified to be upset with me. Look, I’m running out of ideas for reasons to keep appearing on Wednesdays, and unlike that little infant creature in Hi & Lois I can’t get by talking about the weather every single week.” –jroggs
“Perhaps ‘Comic Sans’ is looked upon by true comic purists the same way AI generated art is, a shortcut that costs traditional hand-lettering artists their jobs, thus it should not be spoken.” –Philip
“He said I’d embarrassed him in front of the entire command structure, and that he was now a laughing stock at the Pentagon and PERSCOM, not to mention at Corps and Division HQ. He said that my tits would only take me so far, and that this was it, I could walk my cute ass right out. Of course, I had my phone recording the whole thing, so I’m taking early retirement with a cool two million in my pocket from the harassment settlement. Play your cards right, Blips, and the old fool will say something that gets you bumped up to Captain and transferred to CENTCOM down in Tampa.” –Voshkod
“Hey film crew, there is LITERALLY A TALKING BEAR just right behind you. He uses actual speech balloons and everything, go nuts!” –The Otter Limits
“Holy crap! Actual action payoff to a storyline in Judge Parker! I never thought I’d see it! And to think, it only took almost a year’s worth of strips to get to our thrilling climax of Sophie instantly destroying the unstoppable meth empire by beating a helpless old man to death.” –ectojazzmage
“Didn’t Cookie used to be a chain smoker before the days of content warnings on everything? It seems like today’s strip would be an ideal way to reference that. ‘Now that I can’t taste anything, I’ve got back to the unfiltered Pall-Malls. That hit of tar and nicotine is a pale replacement for food, which I only vaguely remember tasting as a teenager.’” –Larry McAwful
“That’s how I won the match in Paris. I won it so decisively, they named a magazine after it! You’ll love the celebrity lifestyle features.” –Peanut Gallery
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