Metapost: Comedians, comics, COTW
Post Content
Folks!!!! Are YOU going to be in or near Los Angeles on March 10? Do YOU want to hear Josie Riesman, author of the upcoming Vince McMahon book Ringmaster, talk about the early days of Wrestling Internet, plus hear some good cyber jokes from me and other comics? Well come on down to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz for the Internet Read Aloud!
Here is the Facebook event! Don’t miss it!
And don’t miss your comment of the week, either! It’s right here.
“That explains why, in spite of having laptops, the office hasn’t gone paperless, in response to a question none of us ever thought to ask and that, in retrospect, none of us wanted answered.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
Your runners up? You’d better BELIEVE they’re right here:
“I may not be most folks’ definition of a ‘good catch’, but check this out: I can pat my chest and move my hand in a circle at the same time! Pretty neat, huh?” –pugfuggly
“Dennis just walking into an elderly couple’s house pretty much ensures he’s going to find a corpse or two some day, and finally the menace shall be menaced by memories of bloated, dead faces.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Apricots have been cultivated in central Asia for thousands of years. They reached the Roman Empire about two thousand years ago, and from there were likely spread across their realm, probably even as far as Britain. So is it believable that these presumably English peasants would have access to them to throw at their local petty king? Certainly! However, the history books are suspiciously silent on the global distribution of Timberland boots in the Dark Ages.” –jroggs
“Jeffy is walking a thin line banging that drum around Bil who has long since lost the remote to his hybrid CRT/flatscreen TV and can no longer raise the volume above a whisper while he watches [checks Monday morning tv listings] Pictionary.” –Hibbelton
“I guess you could interpret it as him sitting too close to the TV. More plausibly, the recliner also doubles as a toilet.” –Gary
“‘Our son isn’t sleep deprived, he sleeps constantly.’ No red flags there.” –Lepus Marj, on Twitter
“Dennis the Menace and Family Circus are strips stuck in the oppressive norms of the 1950s, where any amount of falling short of domestic bliss is a deep shame. Both strips are like very bland dystopias, like the Hallmark Channel version of The Handmaid’s Tale.” –Philip
“As an attorney, Dustin’s father knows full well it’s not a HIPAA violation to disclose his son’s narcolepsy diagnosis for his own grim amusement.” –Voshkod
“Boy, I’ll say it’s an emergency! If Dr. Ed doesn’t get over there fast, all those other dogs are going to eat that little dog, and/or the kid that’s holding it.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge
“So, the Perfesser isn’t napping, as he appears. He’s actually purring in ecstasy in the afterglow of a satisfying dump. Just when I think I’m out, they pull my right back in.” –Lawyerbob
“Not for the first time, I find myself wondering what Grossie and Maggot’s skeletons look like. Is it just a big pointy-headed skull under there, or do they have a vestigial thorax? Come on, King Features, kill ’em off so we can find out. Judging by today’s strip, you’d be doing them a favour.” –Hergen
“This fellow could be referring to a toupee.” –Rob Baker, on Facebook
“I’m wondering if Hi completely ignoring Dot and literally directing the answer to her question toward her brother, without so much as an acknowledgement that she said anything or exists, is intended as cautionary example training in case they ever go to a car dealership together.” –Violet
“You killed my husband! And this time I’m sure this is the right house!” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter
“Steven … You DID sign up for this. Do I have to show you the paperwork again?” –Peanut Gallery
“How sweet! Hägär’s men brought him and his pneumonic plague droplets home. No need to force Helga onto the funeral pyre: in one to six days, they’ll all be dead!” –pastordan
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46 replies to “Metapost: Comedians, comics, COTW”
….and away we go…….
Congrats to everyone! :3
Congratulations to all the others. I am thrilled to be leading such a great group this week.
The Familliar Mucus: “I’m not sp’osed to ask you in front of you if you can stay overnight, I’m just sp’osed to trick you into Mommy’s “Daddy attic” and lock the door behind you in case the police do a lie detector test.”
Shadow COTPWMFTLTBWL
BeckoningChasm
February 24th, 2023 at 4:31 am Reply
Mary Worth: If there’s one aspect of life in which Wilbur is an expert, it is in not getting any part of a message.
Pozzo
February 24th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Call Slylock Fox so he can see if Slick Smitty has an easily-disprovable alibi.
Guillermo el chiclero
February 24th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Dick Tracy: 99 must buy her clothes at the same place Peggy Hill gets hers.
Hibbleton
February 24th, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: It isn’t so much that Wilson yells at his old Texas Instruments pocket calculator which he identifies as a “Robot,” that has Martha concerned. After all, who doesn’t get frustrated with modern technology. The fact that he thinks it, and apparently other electro-mechanical devices lying around the house, talks back to him worries her.
Schroduck
February 24th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Squirrel carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This suburb is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll look down and make a terrible pun.
MKay
February 24th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Rex Morgan: This might possibly be the most potentially conceivably tentatively romantic thing I’ve ever seen.
Liam
February 24th, 2023 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I had to fire a warning shot and Wilbur ducked.”
jroggs
February 24th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Hillbilly law is a deceptively complicated beast. You can’t throw the book at someone too illiterate to comprehend it.
Shrug
February 24th, 2023 at 5:06 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Is ‘anything serious’ TOTALLY out of the question?”
“Nope, sweetcheeks, this is REX MORGAN. The only thing TOTALLY out of the question is ‘anything interesting.’”
Hibbleton
February 24th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I take it that the medical part of this little drama is that Truck has ED.
Later in Rex’ office, June strips down naked in front of Truck while Rex gives him a prostate exam. Truck exclaims; “Doc, how the hell is this supposed to cure my impotence!?” Rex laughs; “You? This is for me! You’re just gonna take a pill.”
Hibbleton
February 24th, 2023 at 5:14 am Reply
Judge Parker: The judge looks on. “After not murdering you like your mother and brother, this is the thanks I get!? You little ingrate!”
Old School Allie Cat
February 24th, 2023 at 5:30 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Do they live near a nuclear plant? That squirrel is MASSIVE. If I were Dot and Dashes, or whatever their names are, I’d get the hell out of there before the helicopter-sized vultures arrive and decide they want something with a little more meat on its bones.
Ettorre
February 24th, 2023 at 5:33 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Snuffy is like “Your honour, can we make this trial quick? I have to pass by the “Hi & Lois” strip and pick up dinner!”
Shrug
February 24th, 2023 at 5:36 am Reply
@Uncle Lumpy: Judge Parker Narration Box: “Hey, L’il Dunk, pick up the gun!”
L’il Dunk: “What? My family’s dead! My Dad’s in a murderous rage! The gun’s covered in blood!”
Narration Box: “Listen, kid, I’ve got a plotline to engineer here—pick up the gun!“
——————————————————
L’il Dunk hesitates. “Let’s see, the ‘five-second rule’ — does that only apply to brownies and broccoli, or do I need to take it into account for blood-stained murder weapns too? Oh, well, might as well live dangerously (giggle: I made a funny!)”
Maltmash3r
February 24th, 2023 at 6:03 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Welp, it looks like the strip might be shutting down. Mr Wilson seems to be auditioning to take over as Dustin’s dad.
pastordan
February 24th, 2023 at 6:14 am Reply
Hi and Lois: I was about to make fun of the Walker-Browne Industrial Complex for depicting an ex-red squirrel without ear tufts, and in a place where the kids can run around in winter wearing only a light jacket. But then I discovered that American red squirrels don’t have ear tufts, and their range extends all the way down to Arizona. Now I must live with the shame of being outwitted by Hi and Lois, please help me sew a scarlet O on all my shirts.
pastordan
February 24th, 2023 at 6:19 am Reply
Dennis The Menace: Lampy’s Revenge brewing as the Wilson’s tabletop illumination shoots out mind-control rays turning George from a grumpy old man yelling at the tv remote to…er, a grumpier old man yelling at the tv remote. In theaters now!
Rube
February 24th, 2023 at 6:30 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Dolly from Family Circus walks up and smacks Dot. “Misexplaining words is my schtick, bitch.”
Professor Well Actually
February 24th, 2023 at 7:08 am Reply
Mary Worth: I apologize but I really don’t like that Worth woman.
Little Blue Bicycle
February 24th, 2023 at 7:15 am Reply
Mary Worth/Hi and Lois: “Stell, not to change the subject but why do you walk Libby on a leash. She’s a cat.”
“Are you kidding? Did you see that squished squirrel back there by those kids? I don’t want Libby to end up like that!”
Five minutes later….”Ooh, fresh carrion! That’s great with Mayo! Hope it’s still here once I stop following Stell.”
Guillermo el chiclero
February 24th, 2023 at 7:26 am Reply
Family Circus: We all know that within minutes both of them are going to end up with the straws stuck up their noses.
Quiggle
February 24th, 2023 at 10:21 am Reply
Hi and Lois: And here I just thought this was a particularly grim Slylock Fox crossover.
Horace Broon
February 24th, 2023 at 10:37 am Reply
Phantom: If you like, Sarvana, we could put you back in your cell until a rescue comes along that’s more to your liking? No? Then how about you stop whining that you aren’t getting to blow up enough things *while you’re blowing up things.*
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 24th, 2023 at 3:10 pm Reply
Dennis The Menace: At the last moment George Wilson catches himself and says “the late fees” instead of “her panties.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 24th, 2023 at 4:13 pm Reply
Judge Parker: This long, sad, enraging story explains…exactly nothing about what Sam and Gloria found when they went to the Duncan residence. Unless there was a family reunion going down.
//Comment of the Previous Week Made Far Too Late to be Worth Listing. Kudos to L’esprit de l’escalier for naming this category.
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
gardenornament
February 26th, 2023 at 5:29 am Reply
@Inspector Gotcha: Rex Morgan: Waitress Einstein looks at the two full cups of coffee and asks if they’d like any more. Do people here customarily drink multiple cups at once?
——————————————————
She’s just using it as an excuse to eavesdrop on her employer. “Is this old geezer really into her? And is she really interested in him? Eww, he looks like a mummy warmed over. Imagine those two fucking. Gross!”
Undaunted Scudage
February 27th, 2023 at 8:18 pm Reply
@Voshkod: “…I just checked my Procopius…”
——————————————————
Good for you. If more gents checked their procopia regularly, we’d all be better off, don’t you think?
Peanut Gallery
February 27th, 2023 at 5:47 am Reply
@Ettorre: This can only mean that the academic job market is so bad that PhDs in Byzantine history must take up jobs in colouring strips for slave wages.
——————————————————
It’s worse than that — some of them have to resort to comics blogging!
Uncle Lumpy
February 27th, 2023 at 7:15 am Reply
@ectojazzmage: Pluggers: If you get a job as a referee just so you can pathetically live out your failed college sports dreams vicariously through actual athletes… you may be a plugger.
——————————————————
Or Luke Martinez.
Wilbur
February 28th, 2023 at 7:48 am Reply
@Daisy: Mary Worth: Karen Moy, I’m BEGGING you, let Estelle and Ed have one happy evening before you ruin it all…
——————————————————
They have a lovely evening. At the end, Estelle moves in for a kiss. As she nears Ed, she notices his face is just slightly askew. Suddenly Wilbur rips off his Ed mask. And his waiter mask. And his dog and cat mask. Even his Mary Worth mask. Estelle finds herself alone in a world of Wilburs (also the name of a very poorly received ride at Knott’s Berry Farm). She begins to scream as she feels her own mask begin to slip.
Garrison Skunk
February 28th, 2023 at 3:17 pm Reply
@Pozzo: Gasoline Alley: I wouldn’t worry about bears taking over. From what I hear, they’re all messed up on cocaine,
——————————————————
Are the bears eating all the drugged squirrels Mark Trail warned us about?
Shrug
March 1st, 2023 at 6:57 am Reply
@jroggs: Judge Parker: But we can’t rule out the possibility that it’s more oxy gang members and corrupt police.
——————————————————
Given the way this plot is going, I don’t think we can even rule out the possibility that it’s those savage guard dogs from the Judge’s house, who got tired of being forgotten and, just as Young Dunc suddenly realized he knows how to talk, have suddenly realized they know how to drive.
Special Long-form Shadow COTW
jroggs
February 26th, 2023 at 9:52 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Reckon we’d make a good couple. Both fond of clipped sentences and casual agreement and et ceteras and all.”
“Suppose you’re right. Real partial to speech truncations and mild expressions of accord and so forth.”
“Makes sense.”
“Can’t argue with that.”
“Guess that’s true.”
“Figure so.”
“Yup.”
“…Yup.”
Special Extra Long-form Shadow COTW
jroggs
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:55 am Reply
Mary Worth:
“Sorry I stood you up again, Stell. I’ll make it up to you!”
“(Play it cool, Estelle, no matter what. Remember, if this doesn’t work out, Mary will force you to take Wilbur back.) That’s fine, Ed. I look forward to it.”
“Great! I was thinking about bringing over some wine coolers and watching some boxing documentaries with you!”
“Certainly. Sounds great. Goodby-”
“Also, I’m bringing my mother to meet you. She accompanies me on all my dates after the first, so you two should get to know each other well! Though she’s a bit incontinent, so I expect you to help out with changing her diapers.”
“…Sure. It’s only fair.”
“I’m also going to bring Samantha.”
“O-okay then. I’d love to meet your… daughter?”
“Wife, actually. Well, one of them. Anyway, Sam tends to get jealous, so whenever she’s around you’re my Aunt Muriel, okay?”
“…Certainly. Pretending is… fun.”
“Also, would you mind running an errand for me? I need you to go to the strip mall and pick up my white robes. I tell you, it’s hard to find a dry cleaners’ in this town that isn’t run by filthy ni-”
“Just go take care of the damned dogs, Ed.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Anonymous
February 25th, 2023 at 4:31 am Reply
Slylock Fox : Which two images are the same? One and Four. In Three, the damage to history done by the violence of the Animalocalypse extends far beyond confusion over whether the statue depicts a historical or mythical figure; WHO or WHAT the statue represents is lost to time. In image Two, that’s the actual Popeye, turned into a statue, Goldfinger-style.
Where’s Rocky?
February 25th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilbur isn’t dangerous…well, except when he threatened to strangle your cat…and his reckless behavior on cruise ships…and all the times we’ve seen him driving after drinking….and…
Hibbleton
February 25th, 2023 at 4:58 am Reply
Blondie: Maybe if you combed your hair the salesman wouldn’t think you’re a vagrant.
astroboy
February 25th, 2023 at 5:19 am Reply
Mary Worth is such a hypocrite. Oh, when ALDO was stalking YOU, it required a full-blown intervention, but Wilbur’s “not dangerous” and “just Wilbur.” Have you ever dated Wilbur? Then you don’t really know, do you.
Charterstoned
February 25th, 2023 at 5:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: Who does Moy think she’s kidding? Any fool with a brain between the ears—given the choice between a handsome, musical vet with a steady income and a balding, overweight, out-of-shape, out-of-tune, mayonnaise-snorting, myopic, self-absorbed, animal-abusing, drunken, morose stalking schlub who wears the same sweaty maroon polo shirt for weeks on end—oh, wait, it’s Estelle. Okay. Yeah. She’ll go back to Wilbur.
pastordan
February 25th, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
Blondie: It’s not just that Dagwood has mistaken this BMW for a giant chili pepper but that he thinks it’s a giant chili pepper he can f***
Nornagest
February 25th, 2023 at 7:47 am Reply
Phantom. “We know, O Ghost, Jampa and Yetisburg. Old Drunk Mozz bet Babudan that he could tell you this story and you wouldn’t figure out that you could just tell Jampa to leave Yetisburg. You cost Babudan 100 Bangala dollars, Ghost Who Balks.”
Professor Well Actually
February 25th, 2023 at 11:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: I honestly don’t know what Karen Moy thinks people are supposed to make of Mary. Her heroine is pompous, smug, full of herself, meddlesome, self righteous and less intelligent than she thinks she is. And I don’t like muffins. Why would anyone seek out her company?
pugfuggly
February 26th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Family Circus: It’s not a ‘thud,’ it’s clearly a VOOMP. You might want to get those walls checked for camp.
MKay
February 26th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Truck’s cards are (finally!) on the table. Wanda is glad not to be an old maid, but she’ll be lucky if he can manage to poker.
Uncle Lumpy
February 26th, 2023 at 4:57 am Reply
Judge Parker: So Abbey and Sam are gonna fix their marriage by adopting L’il Dunk? Oh, that‘ll work out well! One person who can’t talk and two who can’t shut up.
BigTed
February 26th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Mrs. Wilson is still a little peeved about Mr. Wilson’s girlfriend before her, “Cookie.” (Her real name was Millie, but cookies are what she used to put the LSD in back in 1971.)
Hibbleton
February 26th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Lockhorns: The caption on the last panel in today’s series of strips was cutoff on my computer screen. I tried to imagine what words could be attached to an image of Leroy sitting in a restaurant vomiting white yarn into a handheld bowl while Loretta calmly takes a bite out of a stack of cardboard. My answer is “I don’t know” but I think I now know who Count Weirdly’s parents are.
Inspector Gotcha
February 26th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Let’s get back together and take him in. He HAS to turn out better than Neddy.”
Ukranazi Stepan
February 26th, 2023 at 5:49 am Reply
Flylock Socks: And the winged monkeys clawed Slylock to death for being a smartdonkey.
Voshkod
February 26th, 2023 at 7:59 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I know waitstaff have to do a lot of ‘emotional labor,’ but this lady is really putting in a lot of time and effort into getting a two buck tip.
Dahistorius Lamystorius
February 26th, 2023 at 10:37 am Reply
Family Circus: “Do you think this house is possessed?” “Yeah, by kids.”
Guillermo el chiclero
February 26th, 2023 at 10:55 am Reply
Phantom: Ghost Whose Already Inflated Ego Needs Even More Puffing Up.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 26th, 2023 at 4:10 pm Reply
Gasoline Alley: This sermon was already a hot mess when God requested that He and His Son be excised from it.
Pozzo
February 27th, 2023 at 4:27 am Reply
Judge Parker: Who the hell puts a lamp directly in front of a mirror?
MKay
February 27th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: “What do Dr Ed and I have in common? Neither of us is a whiny, half-witted, mayonnaise-slurping loser.”
astroboy
February 27th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Family Circus: I’m far more fascinated by the fact that Thel has just whipped up a big bowl of some kind of boob-embiggener and was testing it out when the Melonhead interrupted her.
nescio
February 27th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Pluggers: The only corporate secret Pluggers know came from 50 year old Calgon commercials.
Where’s Rocky?
February 27th, 2023 at 5:48 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Give the kid a moment, Yelich. The headlines we’re ripping this story from are still being written.”
Glarryg
February 27th, 2023 at 6:16 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Also, Yelich, please don’t make me ask you a third time: get your hand off his ass.”
I speak Jive
February 27th, 2023 at 6:20 am Reply
Judge Parker: I’m going to send Francesco Marciuliano the bill from my eye doctor for all the damage from the massive eye rolling over this dreck.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Voshkod
February 27th, 2023 at 7:08 am Reply
Family Circus: The gravitational pull of Thel’s famous White Dwarf Pudding is having an obvious effect.
Dr. Larry Erhardt
February 27th, 2023 at 9:00 am Reply
Curtis: To note the end of Black History Month, this Curtis rerun honors two legends: George “Dr. Funkenstein” Clinton, and the “Turn that rap junk down!” Meme.
Liam
February 27th, 2023 at 1:35 pm Reply
Family Circus: “Mommy, Daddy called me a Ringo Starr drummer but I want to be a Keith Moon.”
Mikey
February 27th, 2023 at 6:29 pm Reply
Pluggers: I just noticed that every other stripe on his top is actually a suspender strap.
Poteet
February 27th, 2023 at 8:00 pm Reply
Luann: Our heroine, ladies and gents. The wide-eyed ignorance of a five-year-old with none of the charm.
Anonymous
February 28th, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: Maybe this is less of a “language barrier” thing and more of a “Bear’s hearing aids are malfunctioning” thing.
Ned Ryerson
February 28th, 2023 at 4:39 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: That’s one of those Cocaine Bears I’ve been hearing about, isn’t it?
Shrug
February 28th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: I think Dennis is saying that his mother finally snapped and killed that irritating little sniffling twerp “Joey”, and that if only this nice lady (or is she an undercover policewoman?) would have arrived earlier Dennis’ friend might still be alive. Alice hasn’t had time to move the corpse out of the hall closet yet, as it took her most of the hour just to clean up the bloodstains. (And the snotstains.)
Guillermo el chiclero
February 28th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Family Circus: Now get out of here before I whomp you on the head with my boobs.
Pozzo
February 28th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Dustin: “Hey, is that Leroy Lockhorn I see over there? Fine fella, that guy!”
pugfuggly
February 28th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: You can tell this strip is set well in the past because Pluggers aren’t domesticated yet.
pugfuggly
February 28th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
Dustin: “Yeah, our shitty son sleeps all the time. Not sure why. Depression, maybe? Can’t imagine how he got that, the little useless turd.”
jroggs
February 28th, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: What was this woman was planning to do if Bear the bear said yes? Was she planning to drive through the thick roadless woods in the snow and mud with a 400-lb bear in the back seat? Or does she think it lives in a gated community nearby?
made of wince
February 28th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Dennis, I don’t want to be that guy. But you’ve got to lighten up on the rouge. You shouldn’t look like you’re wearing more makeup than your mother when you’re only five.
pastordan
February 28th, 2023 at 6:26 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Somewhere, Rosemary Clooney’s “Come On-A My House” plays softly. Alice and “Aunt Sally” head upstairs as Alice instructs her son to go bother Mrs. Wilson for an hour or so.
ectojazzmage
February 28th, 2023 at 7:43 am Reply
Dustin: Fake and noncanon. There’s absolutely no way Dustin’s parents would get invited to any sort of social gathering. Would YOU want people like that at your party?
Jacob Mattingly
February 28th, 2023 at 8:48 am Reply
Dustin: “Our son’s problem is that I hate him so intensely that every night I wake up in a cold sweat, cursing god for bringing such a blight upon my wife’s womb, walking over to his room and holding a pillow over his face comp templating his end before deciding that no it won’t be that slow. His end will be as painful as the existence he has forced on me and as sharp as a thousand knives. Kids amirite? ”
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 28th, 2023 at 4:24 pm Reply
Phantom: Today’s challenge: Quit your job with your country’s totalitarian police force, and make it sassy!
Chance
March 1st, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Shoe: “The whole office is a restroom! But enough of my puns. Look at the tiny sleeping Perfesser I keep at the end of this branch! See him slumped at his miniature desk? It’s adorable!”
Liam
March 1st, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Oh, Sam, that’s the pizza I ordered while I was in the middle of my monologue.”
Merry Mirth
March 1st, 2023 at 4:51 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilbur found out about their date and went around Santa Royale clubbing dogs with a bat.
Ukranazi Stepan
March 1st, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: And Eshtelle sadly keeps pleading with Dr. Ed Harding through her brush while combing her hair with her mobile phone.
pugfuggly
March 1st, 2023 at 5:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Yeah, there was a pile-up on the Riverside Dog Park. A pug stalled in the middle lane and a great dane tipped right over trying to avoid him.”
Pozzo
March 1st, 2023 at 5:54 am Reply
Crock: “How do you know when the magic has gone out of your marriage?”
“When you start re-tweeting ‘Lockhorns’ cartoons with the hashtag ‘#relationshipgoals.’”
Ukulele Ike
March 1st, 2023 at 6:36 am Reply
Mary Worth: ”One dumb kid here tied a handkerchief around his dog’s head, and now it can barely breathe! I either have to do a tracheotomy or try to get that knot untied, but it looks like a grannie.”
Shrug
March 1st, 2023 at 7:06 am Reply
Luann: Tara is perhaps the nearest thing this strip has to a likable character, as we can see today that she’s not afraid to “speak truth to power.” Well, admittedly, she’s just talking to Luann here so it’s more like “speak truth to clueless vacuity,” but, for this strip, close enough.
pastordan
March 1st, 2023 at 7:10 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Oh shit, it’s the narrative police! They’ve got a warrant to put this thing back on the rails! You’ll never take me alive, copper!!”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
Guillermo el chiclero
March 1st, 2023 at 9:44 am Reply
Judge Parker: It’s Gloria. She’s come to tell everyone that Steve died of old age while Little Dunk was bloviating.
Where’s Rocky?
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:29 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M(ore) D(iners)
Ukranazi Stepan
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:36 am Reply
Wary Morth: Somewhere between yesterday’s strip and today’s, the Irish Wolfhound:
“Woof! DrEdHarding, that’s not how you hold a mobile phone! Let me show you! Woof!”
Guillermo el chiclero
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Judge Parker: Good. Gloria and Abbey can now have a hysterical screaming contest.
Hibbleton
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:51 am Reply
Family Circus: “Get your royal rankings straight, doofus. I’m an oaf!”
pugfuggly
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Hi and Lois: My favourite part of this strip is that uncharacteristic grin on Hi’s face. Do you think he had a passion for fashion before he had kids, or that he just really into blowing his nose?
Weaselboy
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:19 am Reply
Judge Parker: Gloria could use some tips from Inigo Montoya on how to properly introduce yourself.
Jacob Mattingly
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
Dustin: Dustin’s Dad dosen’t seem to grasp that lending his son money is code for “I’m helping you out finacially because mayflies tend to outlast your job” not “You’ll get this back.”
Housecat Goldthwait
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:57 am Reply
on Josh on Rex Morgan: “Chicken friend steak?” That sounds like a really dark edition of “Pluggers.”
ectojazzmage
March 2nd, 2023 at 8:02 am Reply
Hi And Lois: “What’s in your other pocket, dad?” “A gun to pop a cap in any fool who fucks with me. Also condoms for if me and your mom decide to get freaky while out on the town. Sorry but we don’t want more you brats.”
Flipper
March 2nd, 2023 at 8:44 am Reply
Crankshaft: Will Mopey Pete keep it simple and say Lillian’s parents were gunned down in a dark alley, or will he go for it and say she was sent to Earth to escape her home planet’s exploding sun?
cheech wizard
March 2nd, 2023 at 10:08 am Reply
Phantom: No, Dianna’s going to ride into the midst of the Bandar attack full gallop, then launch herself at Savarna screaming “I know this is all just a scheme of yours to fuck my husband! I read the Mozz prophecy, bitch!”
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
Guillermo el chiclero
February 25th, 2023 at 5:31 am Reply
Family Circus: Can we stay up until Uncle Bob tries tossing cocktail weenies between your boobs and Daddy has to punch him out?
Ladennifer Jadaniston
February 25th, 2023 at 8:43 am Reply
Blondie: I pause to ponder that I’ve never set foot in a BMW dealership, so what do I know, but I somehow can’t picture their showroom featuring a poster saying “Great MPG!” Shouldn’t their posters bear slogans more like “Embrace Your Inner Douchebaggery!” or “Turn Signals Are For Losers!”?
Sunday
———-
Weaselboy
February 26th, 2023 at 7:30 am Reply
Pluggers: “Hi, Mr. Rhinowski. Can I call you Carl? Listen, Carl. I know you’re new here at Wild Animal Safari Park, but I have a couple of notes. First, when you approach a car, make sure there are actually paying guests inside. It doesn’t do us any good for you to stare at an empty car. Second, we prefer it if you walk on all fours and not wear human clothes.”
TheDiva
February 26th, 2023 at 7:50 am Reply
Dustin: Dustdad just got outwitted by a squirrel. His clients may want to consider changing representation.
Monday
———–
Dan
February 27th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
Judge Parker: The “handing off a glass of water” scene got a little too exciting for my tastes, glad someone calmed that down.
Violet
February 27th, 2023 at 7:04 am Reply
Family Circus: Thel’s looming rack is making me uneasy.
Tuesday
———–
Kevin On Earth
February 28th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Mary Worth: Estelle: “I have so much more in common with Dr. Ed than Wilbur. I have so much more in common with *Mr.* Ed than Wilbur…”
Inspector Gotcha
February 28th, 2023 at 5:28 am Reply
Judge Parker: The Judge started cleaning house? “Okay, let’s see, I’ll vacuum up these brains here. I’ll put my wife in the garbage can. Hmm, but what to do with little Billy? He’s too big for the garbage disposal. I know, the laundry hamper! As for these nasty blood stains, clean-up is a snap with Pine-Sol and Bounty paper towels! Ha haaaa, the house will be ‘spic and span’ and ready for guests in no time!”
Wednesday
—————
Col. Havoc
March 1st, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
Shoe: Josh researches the cloacas so we don’t have to.
Philip
March 1st, 2023 at 7:06 am Reply
Mary Worth: I know the impulse is to say that Wilbur injured/poisoned the dogs to sabotage Dr. Ed, but given how he’s been owned by Libby and Pierre, any attempt Wilbur made would end up with him stuck in a tree and needing the firefighters to pull off the animals and get him down.
Thursday
————
Uncle Lumpy
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
Crankshaft: Oh for Pete’s sake: “Mystery writer Lillian McKenzie, author of Murder in the Bookstore and Murder in the Library, also owns and operates The Village Booksmith in Centerville, Ohio. She is a loathsome hag who ruined the life of her sweet sister Lucy, now deceased. She enjoys the company of cats.”
Now can we *move on*?
Peanut Gallery
March 2nd, 2023 at 11:10 am Reply
Judge Parker: Tune in tomorrow, when Abbey screams at Gloria, “YOU MADE MY SOUFFLE FALL!”
Shadow COTW
——————
Horace Broon
March 1st, 2023 at 10:31 am Reply
Family Circus: You know, when *Jeffy* is looking at you like you’re an idiot, it’s probably time to reconsider ever saying anything again. It worked for Li’l Dunk, Dolly!
Josh’s Comments of the Week!
Not updated every week, but like brave and datable veterinarians everywhere, we do what we can!
Hagar the Horrible
“RIP Hagar the Horrible, c. 895-c. 925.”
Meta-comment: Hagar’s death date is now canon in the Hagar-verse.
Judge Parker
“Judge Parker is a strip where you don’t see the interesting things happen, but you do see people emotionally processing those things, very loudly, forever.”
Meta-comment: I have no mouth but I am Judge Parker and I must scream.
Shoe
“…so yes, Shoe is being literal here, the staff of the Treetops Tribune just let it rip around the office wherever and whenever they need to.”
Meta-comment: No comment
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jroggs
February 25th, 2023 at 5:29 am Reply
RMMD: Rex and June, Jordan and Michelle, Buck and Mindy, Kelly and Niki, Kyle and Lauren, Tildy and Andrzej, Hank Jr. and Yvonne, and now Truck and Wanda. We just keep getting more and more and more boring, interchangeable middle-aged couples that all talk and act the same way. It’s like 9CL, only with free meals instead of lakefucking.
Shrug
February 25th, 2023 at 8:03 am Reply
@gardenornament: #51
“RMMD: This must the most boring romance story ever told. OK, Buck’s and his wife’s may have been even more boring, but that story has mercifully not been told yet. ”
Uh, actually it was. I don’t remember all the details, but Buck met Mindy while working out at a gym; I think he’d decided to deal with his health because he’d passed out at a big comics convention he’d just attended and missed out on pretty much everything (he was there to get publicity for Horrible Hank’s career revival, and then Hank supposedly almost died on the plane home, but it turned out he was just sleeping, whew).
Mindy was kind of dubious about dating a grown man who attended comics conventions, but they did start seeing each other and she got along well with Buck’s kid by previous wife Nailgunner, so eventually he asked her to marry him and she agreed but only if they could have a destination wedding in Las Vegas and be married by an Elvis imitator, as one does.
So their guests had to schlep off to Vegas, and while Rex and June just flew, Horrible Hank and Hank Jr. drove because HH had a bucket list of weird roadsign attractions he wanted to view. Also along the way they stopped in Kansas City, where HH connected briefly with an old girlfriend now owning and running a greasy spoon diner. (After the wedding they stopped again on return drive, but found the old girlfriend had just died, though her daughter said she did so wondrously alert and happy after seeing HH one last time. And eventually Hank Jr. and said daughter started corresponding and that wound up with them getting married a few weeks ago.)
Now back to the gripping saga of Truck Tyler and Wanda, middle-aged lovebirds, or at least so far likebirds. .
MKay
February 25th, 2023 at 4:42 am Reply
RMMD: My momma always told me to watch out for men with multiple disclaimers.
DtM: Speeding, no car seat. Get ready for Dennis the Foster Menace.
Where’s Rocky?
February 25th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
MW. Wilbur isn’t dangerous…well, except when he threatened to strangle your cat…and his reckless behavior on cruise ships…and all the times we’ve seen him driving after drinking….and
Hibbleton
February 25th, 2023 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: “Statistics show that most stalkers are not homicidal maniacs so let’s just let Wilbur be Wilbur.”
Charterstoned
February 25th, 2023 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: Who does Moy think she’s kidding? Any fool with a brain between the ears—given the choice between a handsome, musical vet with a steady income and a balding, overweight, out-of-shape, out-of-tune, mayonnaise-snorting, myopic, self-absorbed, animal-abusing, drunken, morose stalking schlub who wears the same sweaty maroon polo shirt for weeks on end—oh, wait, it’s Estelle. Okay. Yeah. She’ll go back to Wilbur.
jroggs
February 25th, 2023 at 6:01 am Reply
MW: This strip puts out really messed up positions on abused women surprisingly regularly. Constant mistreatment from a boyfriend? Stand by your man. Frequent stalking by an increasingly deranged individual? Lighten up, crybaby, you probably won’t get hurt. Women’s shelters? Immoral dens of crime and drugs to be avoided at all costs. Attempted rape requiring violent self defense? He’s just a “character,” tell no one. Daily beatings, humiliations, and even an attempted murder? Who cares, dogs are good!
Rube
February 25th, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
@jroggs: And I still think they retconned the story that was supposed to be “If your boyfriend beats the hell out of you, it’s a good way to pick up guys at the hospital.”
astroboy
February 25th, 2023 at 6:57 am Reply
To add to the shameful list of Moy’s (mis)treatment of women, let’s not forget ol’ One-Armed Jim.
If some sketchy, quick-to-anger rando wants to date you because you resemble his dead sister, you should totally do that even if you don’t really want to, because it will help him overcome his fear of water.
(If you weren’t there at the time: yes, that was an actual storyline that I did not make up. I couldn’t make up something that icky and convoluted if I tried.)
Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
February 25th, 2023 at 6:44 am Reply
MW: Man, another great close-up of our dynamic duo! They’re really makin’ up for those Wilbur-faces last week…
Hey, Intern – what’s goin’ on with Libby’s face in panel two? Yeah, zoom in…. is she wearing… goggles? Granny glasses? Hmm. I guess they’re going for a hipster look. (light bulb!) Get FlybyNight Novelties on the phone – see if they can knock off a few dozen for us!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Family Circlejerk Quadfecta:
Guillermo el chiclero
February 25th, 2023 at 5:31 am Reply
FC: Hot damn! Thel is rocking her rack today, with cleavage and jiggle!
FC: Can we stay up until Uncle Bob tries tossing cocktail weenies between your boobs and Daddy has to punch him out?
FC: Billy is definitely getting a hard-on.
FC: Uncle Bob must be the Leroy Lockhorn of the Keaneverse.
Eqqsnuizitine Buble-Schwinslow
February 25th, 2023 at 9:22 am Reply
Family Circus: That blonde who Big Daddy Keane is trying to chat up? She’s not looking at him. She’s looking down, not at Bil’s crotch but at Leroy Lockhorn, who is blocked from our view. She must have amazingly cleavage, if Bil is ignoring the slinkily dressed bombshell standing behind him.
I speak Jive
February 25th, 2023 at 8:39 am Reply
FC – I’m surprised at all the cocktail parties the Keanes throw. It’s interesting how everyone is all dressed up, with the women wearing long formal dresses. That must have been a thing in the 1970s.
Just because there’s no console TV doesn’t mean that there’s nothing to update.
Myrtle
February 25th, 2023 at 7:59 am Reply
FC: I laughed today. I guess every family has an Uncle Bob. (no offense to Bob Tice) But I’m not sure a lot of you guys even read the caption after being distracted by Thel jutting into the panel.
Shrug
February 25th, 2023 at 7:38 am Reply
PLUGGERS: Andy Bear takes his car in for repairs and is told it looks like he’s blown a seal. “No,” he says, “that’s just toothpaste.”
TheDiva
February 25th, 2023 at 7:45 am Reply
Pluggers are slobs even when they perform basic hygeine.
Ladennifer Jadaniston
February 25th, 2023 at 8:43 am Reply
Blondie: I pause to ponder that I’ve never set foot in a BMW dealership, so what do I know, but I somehow can’t picture their showroom featuring a poster saying “Great MPG!”. Shouldn’t their posters bear slogans more like “Embrace Your Inner Douchebaggery!” or “Turn Signals Are For Losers!”?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 25th, 2023 at 11:05 am Reply
Luann: Whatevs. He looks like a fortysomething remote worker whose kids took clippers to the side of his head while he was napping.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anselm’s Ontological Argument
February 26th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
FC: The melon heads are just giving payback for when Bil and Thel’s headboard bangs against the wall and keeps them awake.
Lord Flatulence
February 26th, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
FC: Is Bil talking about the kids or his morning wood?
Ettorre
February 26th, 2023 at 6:03 am Reply
Billy and Jeffy had a similar experience the night before: “There it goes again! Every few seconds there is a thud on the wall. However, it lasted barely a minute”
Peanut Gallery
February 26th, 2023 at 6:37 am Reply
FC – Confronted by their parents, the kids explain, “We’re tryin’ to get another baby brother. There was a noise just like this nine months before PJ was born.”
RogerBW
February 26th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
FC – “No, I can tell from the VOOMP: that’s not PJ’s head, only a basketball.”
Daisy
February 26th, 2023 at 8:41 am Reply
FC: To be honest, my initial reaction to the “VOOMP” in the first panel was that Bil just had an explosive ejection of flatus strong enough to make the bed shake. =:0
Weaselboy
February 26th, 2023 at 6:33 am Reply
FC – “Voomp! There it is!” I won’t apologize. It had to be done.
Hibbleton
February 26th, 2023 at 5:32 am Reply
FC: I know Jeff means well but sometimes his updates to these old strips just don’t work. The original was much funnier when the boys were bouncing dead grandpa’s severed head off the wall.
JP: “Well, let’s see. There are three of us here. So, two of us can stay with the Judge and one of us can take the boy to another room.”
“What are you, Fuckin’ nuts!? The wolf will eat the chicken or the chicken will eat the seeds and they will only fit in the canoe two at a time….Oh, wait, that’s a different problem. Yeah, that’ll work.”
jroggs
February 26th, 2023 at 10:12 am Reply
JP: I see lots of folks suspecting Abbey and Sam will be adopting Lil Dunk. I suspect it will actually be Yelich, who will insist on taking the boy in as part of his effort to turn his life around, allowing both of them to vanish until needed again, i.e. never. And let’s face it, the Spencers are an exclusive family and Lil Dunk just doesn’t have the jugs.
MKay
February 26th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
RMMD: Truck’s cards are (finally!) on the table. Wanda is glad not to be an old maid, but she’ll be lucky if he can manage to poker.
BigTed
February 26th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
Rex Morgan:
–“Here’s a buncha good reasons not to date me.”
–“I don’t care about them.”
–“Most people would.”
–“I’m not most people.”
–“That’s what I like about you — you’re an idiot. Now, let’s go do it in my truck!”
Inspector Gotcha
February 26th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
RMMD: Waitress Einstein looks at the two full cups of coffee and asks if they’d like any more. Do people here customarily drink multiple cups at once?
gardenornament
February 26th, 2023 at 5:29 am Reply
@Inspector Gotcha: “RMMD: Waitress Einstein looks at the two full cups of coffee and asks if they’d like any more. Do people here customarily drink multiple cups at once?”
She’s just using it as an excuse to eavesdrop on her employer. “Is this old geezer really into her? And is she really interested in him? Eww, he looks like a mummy warmed over. Imagine those two fucking. Gross!”
Guillermo el chiclero
February 26th, 2023 at 11:43 am Reply
Truck will get an additional surprise that night when he sees that Wanda doesn’t just wear a beehive hairdo on her head.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ukranazi Stepan
February 26th, 2023 at 5:45 am Reply
Wary Morth:
“As opposed to Dr Ed Softling and Dr Ed Middling! Those two give me a bad time.”
Jay Fawley
February 26th, 2023 at 6:09 am Reply
MW: Never thought I’d see “It is what it is” from Mary. What next, sweatpants?
Horace Broon
February 26th, 2023 at 8:34 am Reply
MW: So I guess we’re going with “Wilbur was at the window”, as long as Mary’s there to assure us and Estelle that this doesn’t make him a bad person.
Tom T.
February 26th, 2023 at 7:19 am Reply
9CL: Isn’t this strip acknowledging that Amos just came in his pants?
Professor Well Actually
February 26th, 2023 at 7:40 am Reply
CS: so that’s just a women’s choir. Don’t think want any male voices? I imagine Crankshaft has a basso profundo fart.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TheDiva
February 26th, 2023 at 7:50 am Reply
Pluggers have a car that is easy to steal, and also not worth stealing.
Unca Bob
February 26th, 2023 at 9:20 am Reply
@TheDiva:
Pluggers spray paint “No Eight Track Player Inside” below the open window. Belt and suspenders.
Carsick Yankee
February 26th, 2023 at 12:00 pm Reply
George Wilson has an iron stomach and is able to choke down any of Martha’s disgusting baked goods without hesitation. One bad cookie, however, and Dennis will immediately sprint to the bathroom in horrible abdominal pain. Martha knows this, and frequently uses his IBS as a gauge for what she can and cannot enter in the church bake sale.
What, too gross? Then why the fuck is this Dennis the Menace strip titled “Gut Reaction” ?
MKay
February 27th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
MW: “What do Dr Ed and I have in common? Neither of us is a whiny, half-witted, mayonnaise-slurping loser.”
Ukranazi Stepan
February 27th, 2023 at 5:52 am Reply
Wary Morth:
“Oh, Dr Ed Harding, I love you! Let’s get married, Dr Ed Harding!”
Little Blue Bicycle
February 27th, 2023 at 7:10 am Reply
MW: “Everything is great with Dr. Ed Harding! Well there is one thing. He makes me call him Dr. Ed Harding. He’s very proud of his degree. He also hates his rival, Dr. Ed Notharding.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Josh on Pluggers (special points for FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE as well as for being a few days early).
Look, I’m not going to say that there are no plugger or plugger-identified referees, but I feel comfortable in saying that for the vast majority of pluggers, when they see a referee on TV, their first thought is not “ahh, there’s another regular working man, just like me” but is instead “HOLDING? YOU THINK THAT’S HOLDING? FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE”, so I don’t know how well today’s Pluggers is going to land. I do think it’s accurate that pluggers would never rise to a career level where they might come to know interesting corporate or government secrets, though. That part I buy.
Philip
February 27th, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
Pluggers – Referees in professional sports are subject to certain fitness tests, such as speed for running, endurance and not collapsing in a sweaty exhausted heap. This is definitely a high school, if not Pop Warner,, volunteer referee. But most Pluggers still think his calls are bullshit when it’s against their child/grandchild or alma mater.
One Ton Tomato
February 27th, 2023 at 12:39 pm Reply
You’re a plugger if you display the wrong Pluggers comic.
astroboy
February 27th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
FC – I’m far more fascinated by the fact that Thel has just whipped up a big bowl of some kind of boob-embiggener and was testing it out when the Melonhead interrupted her
gardenornament
February 27th, 2023 at 7:24 am Reply
@astroboy: “FC – I’m far more fascinated by the fact that Thel has just whipped up a big bowl of some kind of boob-embiggener and was testing it out when the Melonhead interrupted her”
She might be wearing one of those inflatable bras that were all the rage in the 60s, and just have blown a bit too hard this morning.
Peanut Gallery
February 27th, 2023 at 10:56 am Reply
@astroboy: “I never heard of boob-embiggener outside of Family Circus.”
“I don’t know why; it’s a perfectly cromulent concoction.”
Hibbleton
February 27th, 2023 at 5:46 am Reply
FC: Thel thinks; “Get outta here, kid, so I can dunk my breast in this Plaster-of-Paris before it hardens.”
Voshkod
February 27th, 2023 at 7:08 am Reply
The gravitational pull of Thel’s famous White Dwarf Pudding is having an obvious effect.
Guillermo el chiclero
February 27th, 2023 at 7:34 am Reply
FC: Thel’s doing it with one boob, and making a cake at the same time. Top that trick, Judge Parker skanks.
FC: PJ had better be extra hungry today. Thel needs to be milked ASAP.
Hibbleton
February 27th, 2023 at 9:00 am Reply
@Guillermo el chiclero:
FC: PJ had better be extra hungry today. Thel needs to be milked ASAP.
Although this might confuse a Plugger, it’s worth saying: ROTFLMAO.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hibbleton
February 27th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
JP: A few days ago I quipped that the kid wasn’t really talking it was Yelich throwing his voice like a ventriloquist and today Yelich is drawn with his arm up the kid’s back. Note to Manley: I was kidding!
jroggs
February 27th, 2023 at 5:15 am Reply
JP: This act is never going to take off if Sam the Lovely Assistant keeps making these mistakes. You’re supposed to give the water to the ventriloquist, not the dummy!
Dan
February 27th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
The “handing off a glass of water” scene got a little too exciting for my tastes, glad someone calmed that down.
Anonymous
February 28th, 2023 at 4:58 am Reply
DtM: “Because an hour ago my parents were saying A LOT of shitty things about you, which I will now repeat to you through the filter of my innocent misinterpretations. Also the house was slightly messier.”
Guillermo el chiclero
February 28th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
DtM: When Henry gets home Dennis will ask, “Dad, when did Mom and her lady friend get into arts and crafts? They keep talking about scissoring, and then they run into the bedroom.”
Violet
February 28th, 2023 at 7:14 am Reply
DtM: Mom was still mostly sober then!
Kevin On Earth
February 28th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
MW: Estelle: “I have so much more in common with Dr Ed than Wilbur. I have so much more in common with Mr Ed than Wilbur…”
Jay Fawley
February 28th, 2023 at 5:28 am Reply
MW: Third date, right? Giddyup!
MKay
February 28th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
MW: Pierre is still looking like Wilbur, in which case, “Woof!” means, “Oh, boy! Can we watch?”
astroboy
February 28th, 2023 at 6:42 am Reply
If Moy had an ounce of creativity: Estelle and Mary are walking the Charterstone grounds when Estelle sees Wilbur pop up from behind one of the giant land clam rocks. She alerts Mary who looks over and sees no Wilbur. The two rush over and look behind the rock and there’s no sign of Wilbur. Then, Estelle and Dr. Ed Harding are having dinner when Estelle sees Wilbur peeking through the restaurant window. She nudges Dr. Ed Harding who looks and doesn’t see Wilbur. They go out on the sidewalk and scan the street and see no sign of Wilbur.
This continues until all of Estelle’s friends begin to try to convince her that she’s delusional, seeing Wilbur everywhere when he’s not even there. Perhaps they even stage an intervention. Estelle finally comes around to the idea that she’s been imagining the whole thing. The Wilbur sightings are almost forgotten….
Until very late one night, when Estelle is awakened from her slumbers by a noise outside her window. Cut to P2 and we see Wilbur climbing a ladder to Estelle’s window, carrying a drop cloth, a hacksaw, a bottle of chloroform and a pair of handcuffs…
cheech wizard
February 28th, 2023 at 8:19 am Reply
MW – So what happens when Libby starts yowling while they’re having sex, so Dr. Ed dumps her into the next room? Then when Estelle says “But she just wants to join us! She wants to make noises too!” Ed snorts “Good god, woman! It’s an animal! You don’t let it dictate your life! What’s wrong with you?”
Or maybe Pierre just thinks he’s attacking her and sinks his fangs into Ed’s butt. Yeah, I like that better.
Shrug
February 28th, 2023 at 7:29 am Reply
@astroboy: #52
“Meanwhile, Estelle continues to make sure we know Ed’s full name including professional title, every time.”
Just be thankful she’s not dating John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith.
Or, even worse, Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
Myrtle
February 28th, 2023 at 11:09 am Reply
MW: Seriously, would any of us read this dreck if it weren’t for the community here? Or many of the other strips, for that matter.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inspector Gotcha
February 28th, 2023 at 5:28 am Reply
JP: The Judge started cleaning house? “Okay, let’s see, I’ll vacuum up these brains here. I’ll put my wife in the garbage can. Hmm, but what to do with little Billy? He’s too big for the garbage disposal. I know, the laundry hamper! As for these nasty blood stains, clean-up is a snap with Pine-Sol and Bounty paper towels! Ha haaaa, the house will be ‘spic and span’ and ready for guests in no time!”
Little Blue Bicycle
February 28th, 2023 at 6:19 am Reply
GT: I don’t know how Milford managed to hire those three top coaches, but that illegal vape sale must have been phenomenal!
(Seriously, if you’re reading HB, I liked today’s strip and some of the reactions on GoComics are just appalling).
TheDiva
February 28th, 2023 at 7:30 am Reply
GT: We interrupt the ten regularly scheduled Gil Thorp plots to bring you a minimal attempt at activism that nonetheless will inspire several angry letters to the editor about “wokeness.”
Guillermo el chiclero
February 28th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Dustin: Helen’s jutting pretty good. She must’ve gotten a better support bra.
Maude R. Fawker
February 28th, 2023 at 7:56 am Reply
Dustin: Helen had better worry that Ed might dump her for this new woman who seemingly hasn’t forgotten what a man of refined tastes prefers: low-hangers supported by a waistband.
Voshkod
February 28th, 2023 at 6:24 am Reply
As an attorney, Dustin’s father knows full well it’s not a HIPAA violation to disclose his son’s narcolepsy diagnosis for his own grim amusement.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TheDiva
February 28th, 2023 at 6:32 am Reply
MT: I’m going to use “do you know a water bear is not a bear?” the next time I’m forced to participate in an awkward icebreaker activity.
Voshkod
February 28th, 2023 at 6:53 am Reply
Guess it’s good the human in Gasoline Alley didn’t get into rhetorical questions, such as ‘does a bear shit in the woods?’.
Shrug
March 1st, 2023 at 7:06 am Reply
LUANN: Tara is perhaps the nearest thing this strip has to a likable character, as we can see today that she’s not afraid to “speak truth to power.” Well, admittedly, she’s just talking to Luann here so it’s more like “speak truth to clueless vacuity,” but, for this strip, close enough.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Gallery
March 1st, 2023 at 6:50 am Reply
MW – “Hold on a second, Ed. I’ve got another call coming in on my hairbrush.”
pastordan
March 1st, 2023 at 6:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: In my experience, there’s one thing and only one thing that would cause a veterinary practice to stay beyond their customary hours. Gonna be a whole lot of dead dogs in Santa Royale tonight, is what I’m saying. (Ask about our half-off special on Pomeranian euthanization!)
Judge Parker: “Oh shit, it’s the narrative police! They’ve got a warrant to put this thing back on the rails! You’ll never take me alive, copper!!”
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Luann : whatever message Piro wants Luann to give to Bernice, it’s apparently obvious enough she forgot to properly deliver it the first time around that NOW Piro is giving it to Luann in writing. Will Luann go full Lillian McKenzie and NOT give the letter to Bernice?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kevin On Earth
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:29 am Reply
MW: Dr Ed: “I’ll make it up go you. Have you ever had rabbit? I might have 2 come available later….”
Hibbleton
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:32 am Reply
MW: Note to Stell: Not wearing a bra is a start but most people nowadays put their phones on speaker when having a conversation rather than holding it to their ear. It makes photo-sexting a lot easier.
Spunky The Wonder Squid
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
Judge Parker: Wait, Gloria is what, exactly? Just because Judge Parker is a strip that specializes in nothing ever happening doesn’t mean I’m going to just sit idly by and let Sam not finish a sentence!
Rube
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:14 am Reply
RMMD When you can’t get the American rights to Midnight Diner, but you remember that you are, somehow, the writer of a strip about a doctor.
Housecat Goldthwait
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:57 am Reply
“Chicken friend steak”? That sounds like a really dark edition of “Pluggers”.
Rita “I left my heart on Summit Avenue” Lake
March 2nd, 2023 at 7:26 am Reply
RMMD: Whenever this dining car appears in RMMD, I’m reminded of Mickey’s in St. Paul. (Mickey’s is still around, right?) I always had a sense that Mickey’s was kind of a relic, and that the dining car in RMMD was a shout-out to Rex’s core fanbase of nostalgiasts in the Twin Cities, but maybe it’s not as unique as I thought? How many dining car diners are out there?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inspector Gotcha
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:27 am Reply
GT: “That’s Gil #&@*%$ Thorp to you, bub.”
I speak Jive
March 2nd, 2023 at 8:15 am Reply
FC – We all know who the village idiot is.
I’m amazed at all the elaborate toys that show up randomly in FC. This castle, the drum the other day, various other musical instruments… These toys appear once as part of a joke and then disappear, never to be seen again. Do they have a room full of abandoned toys?
Hibbleton
March 2nd, 2023 at 4:51 am Reply
FC: “Get your royal rankings straight, doofus. I’m an oaf!”
H&L: Hi’s lifelong mispronunciation of the word handkerchief as hand-kerchief finally pays off with the lamest kids-say-the-darnest-things joke ever.
pugfuggly
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
H&L: My favourite part of this strip is that uncharacteristic grin on Hi’s face. Do you think he had a passion for fashion before he had kids, or that he just really into blowing his nose?
Dennis Jimenez
March 2nd, 2023 at 5:18 am Reply
H&L – So, why do they call it a jizz rag, then….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Lord Flatulence
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:33 am Reply
H&LAt least Hi didn’t call it his spankerchief.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uncle Lumpy
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
Oh for Pete’s sake:
“Mystery writer Lillian McKenzie, author of Murder in the Bookstore and Murder in the Library, also owns and operates The Village Booksmith in Centerville, Ohio. She is a loathsome hag who ruined the life of her sweet sister Lucy, now deceased. She enjoys the company of cats.”
Now can we move on?
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
Gil is wearing his “#1 Dad” workout shirt specifically to troll Luke: “The hell you are! I’m the #1 Dad! Watch me interact meaningfully with my boys and respectfully consider their points of view, asshole!”
nescio
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:04 am Reply
Surprisingly Marvin isn’t the reason that Twitter is a shitstorm.
pugfuggly
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:07 am Reply
Marvin: Tring to imagine what Marvin’s twitter feed would be. Probably just a couple tweets a day, letting his followers know when he pooped. Still, it would be better than his Instagram, I’m sure…
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liam
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:33 am Reply
JP-“Oh my god! They killed Steve!” “You bastards!”
TheDiva
March 3rd, 2023 at 6:37 am Reply
JP: Now that Judge Parker can no longer ride the coattails of the Murdaugh trial, can we hope this will wrap up relatively quickly? Before Easter, at least?
Maltmash3r
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
MW– Damnit, they didn’t tell me I had to euthanize animals to alleviate their suffering, I just wanted to kill things. That’s it Unc, I’m off to be a big game hunter.
Dennis Jimenez
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
MW – Even the Ramones didn’t want to be buried in a pet cemetery….
Where’s Rocky?
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
MW. “No, really, I didn’t sign up for this…I’m just your bookkeeper!”
richardf8
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
MW – Moy read an article about the high rate of suicide among Veterinarians. Hilarity is now going to ensue.
Ukranazi Stepan
March 3rd, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
“I had to put down four animals this week. I wanted to keep carrying them but my arms got tired. Do you have any idea how heavy a bullmastiff is?!?”
Old School Allie Cat
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:34 am Reply
Mary Worth – Just four? You must have a small practice. Apparently there’s a whole business model where they’ll come to your home so as not to put your animal through the stress of going to the vet in his final hours. While I appreciate that, I don’t want the stress of remembering my living room as the place where we administered Mr. Whiskers’ lethal injection.
astroboy
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:39 am Reply
MW – More death at ANIMAL HOSPITAL? Dang. I’m getting the feeling Dr. Ed Eddington and his assistant Neff Nephewson aren’t very good veteranarians. They sure lose a lot of ’em on the table. RUN, Libby and Pierre!
MKay
March 3rd, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
MW: Steven, a poor reader, thinks he’s been studying to be a VEGETARIAN, and is still waiting for the Get Creative With Tofu class.
Tabby Lavalamp
March 3rd, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
I have to give Brigman all the credit today, that’s a beautifully rendered look of trauma on the face of a man who stumbled into veterinary medicine without knowing that part of the job is euthanizing pets.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
69. gardenornament
February 25th, 2023 at 7:58 am Reply
Luann: Luann has a very odd way of showing sexual arousal. Her boobs start jutting upwards. Which makes me wonder a bit about the artist’s grasp of human anatomy.
169. Poteet
February 25th, 2023 at 1:06 pm Reply
MT: I’d rather call them “moss piglets” myself, but chaque a son gout or whatever.
69. Old School Allie Cat
February 27th, 2023 at 6:45 am Reply
FC – Bil and Thel are planning to spice up their evenings with some historically questionable Native American/Pilgrim cosplay.
69. Violet
February 28th, 2023 at 7:06 am Reply
Dustin: Even the ways these people express contempt for their children are super boring. My kid is always on the phone. Ours is frequently unconscious.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
69. Daisy
March 1st, 2023 at 7:01 am Reply
FC: Kudos to Dolly for recognizing that people have birthdays once a year. You’ve been paying attention, little girl!
69. Voshkod
March 2nd, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
“My name is Gloria Sanchez. You killed my husband. Prepare to die.”
69. anty a
March 3rd, 2023 at 6:52 am Reply
MW: Vet school is considered more challenging and competitive than med school. Vet students do clinical rotations and by the time they set out on their own have a clear idea of what being a veterinarian entails. They have already had to experience clients who are unable to pay for expensive procedures which gave rise to the heartbreaking term, “financial euthanasia,” meaning a pet who has to be put down because the owner can’t afford treatment. All this to say I have no idea what turnip truck Steven fell off of. It could be that he’s a tech, but if that’s the case then he should be even more familiar with the stresses of animal medical care. A tech wouldn’t be wearing a suit and tie though…and come to think of it a vet wouldn’t, either. But since we already know that the waiting room consists of a Norman Rockwell tableau, who knows what kind of rift in the spacetime continuum we’re witnessing. One in which it’s the fifties but everybody has a cell phone, I guess.
Congrats to Spunky the Wonder Squid, everyone on the float and my fellow shadowfloaters and scratchies! Broon Croons to jroggs and Charterstoned!
Congrats to everyone, and thanks to Baja and Scratchy.
Thanks, Baja!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks, Scratchy!
A hearty salute to the winner, Spunky the Wonder Squid! And kudos to all the shadows and floaters! Thanks, Baja and Scratchy! Have a lovely weekend, everyone!
Thanks, Scratchy!
Congrats to all, and thanks again to Scratchy and Baja! A gift certificate for one of Millie’s chicken-fried steak dinners is being rushed to each of you!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy.
Congrats to Spunky and the floaters and thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thank you, Baja and Scratchy, and congratulations, everyone!
Congratulations to Spunky the Wonder Squid and the other stalwarts on the float, as well as my fellow shadows and scratchies. Tip of the beret to Lawyerbob and Retraux_Rocket.
Ink squirted for Spunky!
Yee, as they say, haw!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks Josh, and thanks Scratchy and Baja, and Voshkudos to Spunky The Wonder Squid, jroggs, and Retraux_Rocket (on Twitter), and a tip o’ the Vosh to Undaunted Scudage.
Thanks to Josh, Baja, and scratchy for the highlights and the mentions. Funny stuff!!
Cheez, I just looked at the map for the Internet Read Aloud event on the Facebook page, and The Clubhouse is located near Sunset Boulevard. Sunset Boulevard! Like the movie! Gloria Swanson! Erich von Stroheim! William Holden! Getting shot three times and falling into a swimming pool and dying! Okay, I’d opt for the Clubhouse.
Thank you, Baja! Thank you, Scratchy!