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Folks! Apologies to anyone who had planned to come to the Internet Read Aloud in LA tonight — the theater is having both plumbing and HVAC problems so I had to cancel the show. Everything should be in order for June 9th though, so mark your calendars!

Until then, enjoy this week’s comment of the week, from the comfort and safety of your own home:

“From the looks of it Mr. Keane, that ‘SILENCE’ you hear is the absence of a carbon monoxide alarm! Get out of the house right now!” –Lorelei

Your runners up are also a delight!

“So a decade or so from now the Keane Kids (now all the same age and dressed for the very early ’60s) are heading off to, I don’t know, a coffee shop to become beatniks?” –boingboing

“See the way the Chicken Lady is eyeing the clock? That’s someone who is ill at ease with Roman numerals for sure.” –nescio

“Dr. Jeff will ask for Mary’s hand — specifically, to lend a hand around the office, as Estelle has caused the market for medical administrative labor to plummet to zero.” –Philip

“To be fair, at least Henrietta will die of clogged arteries instead of from doing some half assed stunt.” –I speak Jive

“So now I guess it’s time for a reminder of what a healthy, long-term relationship looks like: contact twice a year.” –anty a

“‘Halfway’ in this case means ‘funeral home,’ which actually means ‘body ditch.’” –pugfuggly

“Anyway, she’s registered in Liberia for tax reasons, and our first cruise has to be down to Sinaloa to pick up some … packages … for some friends of mine. You’re not wearing a wire, are you?” –Voshkod

“They just sprinkle portholes anywhere they want, don’t they.” –Uncle Lumpy

This is a regular Algonquin CTE Table.” –taig

“…and serving you cake with all the icing licked off would be disgusting, so that’s why you’re getting a wheel of cheese instead.” –Drew Funk

“Here we see the Gil Thorp team attempting what is known as an ‘orphaned punchline,’ in which the audience joins the story just in time to hear the bizarre conclusion (‘And I said, Well, I understand the ballet costume, but what’s the ferret for?’). This is a good way to establish your character is amusing, entertaining, peculiar, or in Kaz’s case, not good at telling interesting stories.” –TheDiva

“A grape is yelling at some raisins. ‘ALL OF A SUDDEN raisins are more popular than grapes!? BOO!’” –BeckoningChasm & Peanut Gallery

“Instead of ‘The Love Boat,’ they’re cruising on ‘The Just Friends Boat.’” –Lord Flatulence

“‘Wasn’t she dating WILBUR at one point?’ And just like that, Estelle is marked for life. Doesn’t matter if she wins a Nobel prize or becomes Public Enemy #1, she was ‘dating Wilbur at one point.’” –MKay

“Her veterinarian??? You’re lucky, Mary. You got yourself a real doctor! Think some flea-chaser can afford a rig like this?” –Inspector Gotcha

“I wonder if he constantly has to add, ‘three Gs, two Ms’ when he’s introduced? And then have to explain still further after people look at him blankly, because who could imagine his name is ‘Gregg?’” –Chance

“A friend of ours has a smartwatch, and every time she visits our baby immediately grabs her wrist and starts poking the screen and activating functions. What I’m saying is … I found a Marvin strip relatable? Dear god, there’s no hope for me. Although at least I didn’t find it funny.” –Schroduck

Leading off with his iconic song rather than saving it for the encore is the kind of brilliant performance strategy that led to Mud having to fake constipation in order to get to the top of the bill.” –pastordan

Kick off them muddy boots. So the song Yvonne is obsessed with is a sex song. The universe keeps breaking down the flimsy walls of my mind palace and forcing me to stare into the abyss.” –matt w

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