Metapost: Delightful comments from you, my beloved readers
Post Content
It’s this week’s top comment, and it’s here for you to laugh at, and with:
“Otto will not be distracted: the grave has been dug, only one of them can have Sarge’s affection.” –Old Man Shadow
Your runners up? Also a delight:
“‘I wasn’t actually a spy, but I knew from experience that sometimes it’s better to tell an incriminating lie than the honest truth.’ –Thorvald the Treefucker, 873 CE” –jroggs
“Don’t worry, that flying sound was just Peter Pan. He’s coming through your window to steal your shadow, and there’s not a darn thing your parents can do about it. Well, sleep tight!” –BigTed
“Funny you mention our infamous cook, because guess who’s going into his pot tonight? Hint: it rhymes with woo.” –ectojazzmage
“I’m pretty sure the logical opposite of ‘it wasn’t Moe or Larry’ is ‘it was Moe AND Larry.’ Yes I, a professional computer scientist, have proved that this puzzle for children is internally inconsistent. No, I’m not proud of that.” –Stuart F
“I AM ONCE AGAIN WARNING REX MORGAN NOT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS BEING BORING” –matt w
“If you decide to depict a dog that walks on its hind legs, you should make all mammals in your comic strip bipedal. That way may lead to the Slylockverse, but at least it will add some visual interest to your work when you don’t have a joke for the day.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I know it’s dark out, Helga, but remember this is November and you’re in Scandinavia. It’s probably what, 2 p.m. right now?” –TheDiva
“Li’l Sparky’s attempt to score weed completely fails.” –nescio
“…it’s up to them. But not if feeling good starts to alleviate their physical ailments. My AMA buddies will have him shut down faster than you can sing ‘Muddy Boots’…” –But What Do I Know?
“First it was NCAA athletes being able, after a century of exploitation, to sign Name, Image and Likeness deals. Now every Gen-Zer with a social media account wants their own brand deal. The Army, always chronically struggling to fill its ranks, will soon have to adjust to the times.” –Philip
“‘Hoo boy, what a bunch of nonsense’ he says after sitting in front of the TV for thirty minutes. Loath as I am to admit it, Rex Morgan, M.D. understands the very current concept of ‘hate-watching.’” –Ettorre
“Hmm, sounds like Sarge is referring to the Peter Principle, though while that was framed as a flaw in a hierarchical system, here is seems to be an intentional strategy to maximize incompetency, presumably to ensure they never get deployed to an active warzone.” –pugfuggly
“Hi and Lois has discovered mid 2000s Office-style mugging to the audience, adjust expectations for the funny page’s rolling delay on pop culture awareness accordingly.” –Dan
“So, today’s Hi & Lois expects me to believe that, in 2023, A) A suburban middle-class family with four kids and two working, salaried parents would only have one car B) teenage boys are still all-in on the sideways baseball cap wave C) you need a license to borrow 20 dollars. I’d comment on Hi reading a physical newspaper but I’ve written enough as is.” –Irrischana
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48 replies to “Metapost: Delightful comments from you, my beloved readers”
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Garrison Skunk
November 4th, 2023 at 4:38 pm Reply
@Anonymous: Mary Worth: Why is Mary giving a Nazi salute with her huge deformed bare arm?
——————————————————
Because if she did it with Willburp Weston’s huge deformed bare arm, she would first need to touch it. There are things Mary Worth just won’t do,and touching Willburp’s body is understandably at the top of that list.
Just John
November 7th, 2023 at 12:06 pm Reply
@Uncle Lumpy: Luann makes Three’s Company look like Othello.
——————————————————
If you’re saying there’s a chance Gunther marries and then kills Luann, I’m on board. I don’t remember the last episode of Three’s Company, though – did Chrissy and Janet survive?
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Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
gardenornament
November 4th, 2023 at 8:48 am Reply
Luann: Am I dreaming, or did Luann just make an astute observation, and she was the first one to draw that conclusion in-universe? What’s wrong with the world?
And what’s next? Crankshaft starting to make charitable donations? Ed Kudlick revealing that he actually loves his children? Dick Tracy becoming a pacifist? Thel Keane burning her bra? Mary Worth deciding to let other people live their lives in peace?
Garrison Skunk
November 5th, 2023 at 9:40 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Call 1 (800) CON MAN now and speak to one of our real con men like Rene here, and not a robot.” (Rene moves arms awkwardly) “I’m Definitly not a robot! And Sarah Morgan, you stole the Doggo Twins from me! Say, Muddy, how about a song for the nice folks?” “Muddy Boots,Rene?” “What did we say about that song, Mud?” (Flips switch,buzzing Mud’s brain)”It’s evil.” “That’s right. How about the flip side?”
(Mudd singing)Who can take your past? (Who can take your past?) Mold it right for you live(Mold it for you live) Take away your troubles like you’re living “Star Trek V”? The Con Man Can The Con Man can cause he mixes it with carp, and makes you feel real good.
jroggs
November 6th, 2023 at 5:36 am Reply
Rex Morgan: This is what this strip is going to be for the next few months, isn’t it? Rex and June complaining about how long and absurd the infomercial is, followed by griping about the price and inconvenient scheduling of the soonest seminar, then whining about how boring and tacky the seminar is, concluding with bitching and moaning about how the Mirakle Method may have drastically improved their mental health but it doesn’t do anything for stubbed toes and hay fever. It’s a little silly and contrived, but what else can they do? Change the channel? Turn off the TV and do something else? Don’t be ridiculous.
Charterstoned
November 6th, 2023 at 6:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: “And God has been good to me. I’m just PAYING IT FORWARD.”
On His Heavenly throne, God hears Mary’s thoughts. “What the HELL?!” He mutters, and beckons an angel intern to His side. “Listen, I have NO IDEA—and I’m all-knowing—NO IDEA of what Mary Worth thinks she’s doing, dragging Me into her little web of intrigue. You know what? Burn her next batch of muffins. And while you’re at it, make Keith suddenly lose his shit. No, I mean that literally. Right. On. Her. Sofa. Maybe THAT will keep her from presuming to influence the course of events over My plans. At least it will give her something else to do besides meddling in other people’s business. Oh, one more thing, make sure Carlos Alora isn’t around to take care of that mess.”
Chance
November 7th, 2023 at 4:36 am Reply
I think the problem with the Six Chix today is not so much that “we’re not getting enough background to be sure” but more like “we’re getting too much of a sketch of a man leaning out of an impossibly small and badly-crushed car next to a wordless stop sign planted in the sidewalk, waving at two people wearing film-style green screen suits while a sweating sock floats above their heads and the whole thing seems drawn by an uninterested first-grader to be sure” kind of vibe. But maybe that’s just me.
Myrtle
November 7th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: Keith inhales the warm, soothing vapor from the tea He had almost instantly regretted responding to the old Biddy’s invitation to visit, but maybe this wasn’t a bad idea, after all. As he feels himself relax, he becomes vaguely aware of the heat from the teacup in his hand. Better set this down to cool off. What th—? This cup has a round bottom!
The heat intensified in Keith’s callused hand as he watched the tiny bubbles in the cup begin to break the surface. Got to set it down!! But how? A memory forms in his muddled brain of a police interrogation that used a similar prop. And the chair with uneven legs!! What’s going on here?… he began to lose connection with space and time as he felt himself shouting “Mary, you must HELP ME!”
The cup slid slowly from his now-blistered hand. Mary reached out and captured it before it could spill on the sofa. “Of course I will help you, Keith, she murmured.
White Rabbit
November 7th, 2023 at 1:11 pm Reply
Sick Chicks: Throwing beer cans at people or aliens was only effective back when they were made of steel. It took a real man just to bend one of those, and they didn’t have no fancy pop-tops neither! You had to carry a church key on a chain around your neck to open them.
These goldurn pantywaist aluminum foil cans are so light it’s hard to hit anything with them, and it’s not gonna hurt if you do connect. Yes sir, give me a can of Hamm’s, the Beer Refreshing, for throwing any time. Ha! That Hamm’s Beer Bear!
Charterstoned
November 8th, 2023 at 4:51 am Reply
Mary Worth: Having forgotten to bring his own squeeze ball, Keith absently works the muffin in his hand as he spills his guts to Mary. Meanwhile, as Mary observes how her tough, resilient muffin is rebounding with each agonized squeeze—without dropping a single crumb!—she hears herself saying, “Isn’t it worth it to TRY AGAIN?” In her mind, she suddenly recalls Ted Miller, the man who wanted to promote her baked goods. “That’s IT! Only it’s not just a snack! It’s MARY’S EXERCISE MUFFIN! And I can add more protein so after you work your muscles, you can recover just by EATING it!” She grips Keith’s biceps approvingly. “I can see it all NOW! Keith, you’ll be my new spokesman! We’re going to be rich!”
Guillermo el chiclero
November 9th, 2023 at 6:46 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Glenwood must have the most boring TV programming on God’s green earth that everybody in town is watching Rene’s infomercial. Next week we’ll see Buck and Pink Hair’s reaction, followed by Andrzej and Aunt Tildy, then Kelly and Niki, then Jordan and Michelle, then Truck and Wanda, then the Streetsweeper, then …
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
BigTed
November 4th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Uh, Alice, Dennis didn’t just “put” Margaret’s doll halfway up a tree — he hung it from a branch with a noose. I’m just saying, before you ignore the fact that your kid is turning into Norman Bates, maybe watch “Psycho” and find out what he did to his mom.
pugfuggly
November 4th, 2023 at 4:49 am Reply
Family Circus: “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. Also, twice a year you will have to set your clocks backwards or forwards, and it will annoy you greatly.”
jroggs
November 4th, 2023 at 4:57 am Reply
Family Circus: “And Grandma doesn’t have to preheat her oven, because everything is burning where she is now.”
Ukranazi Stepan
November 4th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I’m also a great self-promoter! Since nobody else thanks me these days I have to do it for myself. “
Ambrose
November 4th, 2023 at 5:39 am Reply
Family Circus: Of course they don’t have “daylight savings time” in Heaven. That was the creation of Benjamin Franklin who is absolutely burning in hell for all eternity.
MKay
November 4th, 2023 at 5:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: My God, someone throw a bucket of ice water on that woman!
Liam
November 4th, 2023 at 5:54 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Singer Arrested. Plumbing Community in Mourning.
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
November 4th, 2023 at 6:43 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Is Dennis practicing eugenics, killing a doll whose mother had taken thalidomide during pregnancy? That’s really menacing.
Liam
November 4th, 2023 at 8:40 am Reply
Six Chix: Cut to years later where the husband is dead on the couch and the wife doesn’t care.
Poteet
November 4th, 2023 at 11:50 am Reply
Family Circus: In the endless ongoing competition for “Family Circus Most Seriously Irritating Grandparent.” Holier-than-thou Grandma has a certain advantage, being alive, but Dead Grandpa manages to stay in the running, yes he does. He isn’t saying or doing anything today and I still hate him.
Horace Broon
November 4th, 2023 at 3:03 pm Reply
Dick Tracy: I realise we’re meant to understand that Dick’s thinking “Could X. Libris have stabbed those people to death with a letter opener?” But it really looks like he’s thinking “Could I stab someone to death with a letter opener?” and possibly “Could I stab myself to death with a letter opener?”
Ukranazi Stepan
November 5th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Wary Morth: “Remember that time in Abu Ghraib when the naked prisoner you were beating for fun tried to fight back? Did you give up then, Keith? Did you?!?”
Dan
November 5th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Keith, think about when you were in the Marines!” (Keith nods, funds a string of terrible boyfriends that will leave his daughter emotionally devastated, then somehow accidentally adopts Wilbur in a friendly fire incident)
Dennis Jimenez
November 5th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Family Circus: If you die before you wake…well…if it means the end of this strip, it wouldn’t be all bad…
pugfuggly
November 5th, 2023 at 4:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: That’s…the advice? “Don’t give up”? Mary, you’ve got an emotionally unavailable father attempting to connect with a long lost daughter while also adding politics, gender and a generational divide to the mix, and *that’s* the best you could come up with? You were gifted a canvas of a lifetime and you drew a stick figure on it with a sharpie and called it a day.
TheDiva
November 5th, 2023 at 5:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Can you believe this? Nobody would buy this nonsense!”
“The Mirakle Method is officially endorsed by Oprah Winfrey!”
“Oh, well if Oprah says its okay…”
Bob Tice
November 5th, 2023 at 5:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “That’s not ‘Li’l Fergus,’ Mom and Dad! That’s gruff, brooding Ohio State football coach Ryan Day!”
Peanut Gallery
November 5th, 2023 at 5:58 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Lucky Eddie’s mistake is understandable. The witches’ TCOBS is shelved right next to The Odious Cook’s Book of Slops.
Myrtle
November 5th, 2023 at 6:07 am Reply
Family Circus: (Bil takes a look into Jeffy’s room) Oh, it’s just a rabid bat. Go on back to bed.
Uncle Lumpy
November 5th, 2023 at 6:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: We have two sets of Relationship Doves this morning—one for Sonia, Kitty, and Keith, and one for Mary and her Ego.
ectojazzmage
November 5th, 2023 at 6:24 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: “Funny you mention our infamous cook, because guess who’s going into his pot tonight? Hint: it rhymes with woo.”
Hibbleton
November 5th, 2023 at 6:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary goes on to recount how Hooterville defeated Pixley in the Moonshine wars of aught eight.
Hibbleton
November 5th, 2023 at 7:12 am Reply
Family Circus: Bil’s shoulders slump in dismay. This isn’t the first time Jeffy has blamed shitting the bed on Angels.
cheech wizard
November 5th, 2023 at 9:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I’m glad you feel comfortable around me, Keith. Most people around here don’t. In fact, lately they all seem to hightail for the woods as soon as they see me. I guess that’s why we have this constant parade of new characters. Not even Toby or Wilbur show their faces around here anymore.”
Pozzo
November 5th, 2023 at 4:37 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Panel one — Rex and June need to call Sarah in to complete the “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” trifecta they’re setting up here.
Ignatz
November 5th, 2023 at 6:03 am Reply
Slylock Fox: The hijacker is Shemp (not pictured).
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
pugfuggly
November 6th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Slylock Fox: It’s funny because these are clearly not apes? I think if we look into it we’ll find out that Count Weirdly cloned the heads of the classic Three Stooges lineup and then grafted them onto gorilla bodies. Why? I dunno, probably because he was lonely and needed a laugh. Kinda sad, really.
Bob Tice
November 6th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Tell me a little more about this Bolshie spawn of yours, Keith. Does this nattering nabob of Novosibirsk negativism have any preferred television streaming services?”
“Her favorite is Nyetflix!”
Dennis Jimenez
November 6th, 2023 at 6:39 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Why would anyone rely on logical syllogism given the great strides in phrenology…
Garrison Skunk
November 6th, 2023 at 10:30 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “How long IS this thing anyway?” We’ll return to “THINGS JUNE HAS NEVER SAID TO SEX ORGAN, V.D. BEFORE” after this word from our sponser,The Mirikle Method. Poof! Goes your problems!
Sequitur
November 6th, 2023 at 1:43 pm Reply
Beetle Bailey: Sarge, get Beetle written up so he can receive an Other Than Honorable Discharge because he obviously has a bad case of the lazy bones.
astroboy
November 7th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: In Panel 1, Swinger Lady/Hotel hostess looks like she just wandered in from Gasoline Alley. What’s with that face? It’s creeping me out.
taig
November 7th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: For the last time, Beetle, Otto doesn’t fuck squirrels.
Little Blue Bicycle
November 7th, 2023 at 4:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: “My high-risk career as a marine and later as a police officer seemed inappropriate for a family. The long nights with nothing to hold except my demitasse cup seemed to preclude family. More expresso Mary? I didn’t spend twenty years as a Marine barista for nothing. You’ll love this Smedley Butler blend but I have some Chesty Puller in the kitchen.”
Rube
November 7th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Luann: These remain the most boring college kids in the history of the world, and I’m including the Oral Roberts University student body.
Ukranazi Stepan
November 7th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Hotel host couple jumped to exchange sides on their sofa between panels, and Lady Hotelier lost some 25% of her face. If that isn’t a reason to flee into the night I don’t know what is.
Charterstoned
November 7th, 2023 at 5:09 am Reply
Mary Worth: “OH, Keith. I’m SORRY…” Mary began, salivating at the prospect of meddling not only a HIGH-RISK Marine and WARY former police officer, but his ex-girlfriend and their troubled illegitimate daughter, as well. She leaned closer and gently placed her hand on the bombshell in Keith’s lap. “I’ve been TOLD that I’m good at giving…ADVICE…!”
Peanut Gallery
November 7th, 2023 at 5:26 am Reply
Six Chix: It’s always the ones who wear a pumpkin on their head for six months who later turn into the most vehement anti-Halloween scolds.
ValdVin
November 7th, 2023 at 5:30 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Plus a five-copper coin cleaning fee, and you have to leave by 8:00am.
Hibbleton
November 7th, 2023 at 6:04 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Beetle wants Otto to beat it so he can finish digging Sarge’s shallow grave.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 7th, 2023 at 6:21 am Reply
Six Chix: r/idiotsinlittletikescozycoupes® is leaking again.
2+2=7
November 7th, 2023 at 6:48 am Reply
Six Chix: It’s nice to see the graduates of Toby Cameron’s art class has found work!
TheDiva
November 7th, 2023 at 7:16 am Reply
Phantom: I read this “UGH” less as “look at that woman, clothed in a miserable prison smock!” and more “God dammit, here comes that pushy white woman again.”
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
November 7th, 2023 at 10:13 am Reply
Dumbest among the melonheads or worst among the sick chicks? Jeffy and Bianca are going to have a duel.
MKay
November 8th, 2023 at 4:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: One macho muscle flex, and Mary will be sweeping up muffin crumbs for a week.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2023 at 4:35 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: So that… thing is one quarter horse, huh? What are the other three quarters? Guy in a suit? Jellyfish?
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
November 8th, 2023 at 6:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I like this straight-on look at Rex Morgan’s “Procto Finger of Death.” It’s a good look.
Lord_Flatulence
November 8th, 2023 at 6:10 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “If these sissy snowflakes want to listen to some feel-good nonsense, then go for it. They’ll probably go out for an iced latte and some avocado toast afterwards.”
I speak Jive
November 8th, 2023 at 8:30 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “They’re not claiming that their method will cure illness or disease – after all, I’m the medical professional here. Now excuse me – I need to feed the leeches and check on my supply of smelling salts.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 8th, 2023 at 9:25 am Reply
Phantom: In “Phantom: The Musical!” Kit Jr. breaks out into an Asian-African variant of the country standard “I’ve Been Everywhere.”
Daisy
November 8th, 2023 at 11:19 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: Based on their multi-toed feet, those “horses” are clearly Eohippuses from the early Eocene era. As befits the universe this strip inhabits, the denizens of Hootin Holler have barely evolved at all.
Mantipath
November 8th, 2023 at 1:38 pm Reply
Also I can’t tell the difference between Gasoline Alley and Snuffy Smith.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
MKay
November 9th, 2023 at 6:14 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Eek! Yvonne is still aging at an accelerated rate. Quick, play “Muddy Boots” and restore her (relative) youth.
MKay
November 9th, 2023 at 8:56 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: OK, my sympathy’s with Dennis for once. What is he supposed to do with a 30% discount on a geriatric Babes! Babes! Babes! cruise?
taig
November 9th, 2023 at 9:10 am Reply
Family Circus: Curiously, Billy doesn’t mention his own business failures, like the lemonade stand that got shut down by the Department of Health for the salmonella outbreak.
jroggs
November 9th, 2023 at 9:16 am Reply
Judge Parker: Here’s everything April has said over the past two days: “Mom…” “You… you look good.” “Mom…” “About Sam…” This reads like someone randomly picking options in a video game dialogue tree to trigger the next event flag in their quest line. If we could see under the table, we’d see April mashing the A button on a hand controller.
Peanut Gallery
November 9th, 2023 at 9:21 am Reply
Rex Morgan: It’s been decades since buttons on remote controls made a clicking noise. Yvonne gave Horrible Hank a stapler to play with so he won’t keep changing the channel when she’s trying to watch something.
Ettorre
November 9th, 2023 at 9:36 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: What Dennis should have asked for is some normal hands! But it’s not like Grandpa could help him, look at his! Generative AI puts more efforts in it than legacy comics!
The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers
November 9th, 2023 at 10:16 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Halloween’s over. Enough with the walking corpses. Well, admittedly they are just sitting around at the moment. Fine. Enough with the sitting corpses, then; “Weekend at Bernie’s” is over too.
cheech wizard
November 9th, 2023 at 10:19 am Reply
Family Circus: “We don’t want Daddy on our paper. His cartoons suck.”
Ukulele Ike
November 9th, 2023 at 11:31 am Reply
Gil Thorp: “This town is obsessed with celebrities! First T-Swift and the football guy come to the school to address the team, then Beyoncé was spotted ordering a strawberry milkshake to go at the Bucket, and I could swear Tommy Smothers is peeking in our kitchen window right now.”
ectojazzmage
November 9th, 2023 at 12:08 pm Reply
Beetle Bailey: I’m picturing an executive in the La Z Boy offices smiling smugly to himself about the massive sales boost that his latest advertising deal will surely bring in. “Everybody reads the newspaper comics!” he thinks obliviously.
BigTed
November 10th, 2023 at 4:42 am Reply
Pluggers: It’s November 2023, and pluggers are preparing for the next pandemic. Where have they been? What have they seen? What do they know???!!!
Anonymous
November 10th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
<strike>Dennis</strike>Martha the Menace (ooh, alliteration!) : “I thought I was in love with him, but actually I was having health issues that were slowly killing me!”
The only way to top that is to add : “Luckily, I’m completely over it, now.”
Kevin on Earth
November 10th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Every live recording of Mud Murphy from now on will be plagued by some woman calling out “Just play ‘Muddy Boots’” between songs.
Ukranazi Stepan
November 10th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone: If Mrs Hankjunior keeps aging at this rate, she can look forward to not hearing Muddy Boots played at her funeral.
Bob Tice
November 10th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “There’s another reason to dislike that Belluso character. He ruined my favorite Singer!”
“Mud Murphy was your favorite singer?!?”
“No, no. Belluso broke my sewing machine!”
taig
November 10th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Show them your softer side. Take them to the shooting range.”
jroggs
November 10th, 2023 at 5:34 am Reply
Rex Morgan: It’s pretty embarrassing that really liking one country music song is the only character trait that Yvonne can claim, but hey, it’s still three more character traits than anyone else in Rex Morgan has.
Weaselboy
November 10th, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: “…and the fact that you found a shirt that matches your eyes will impress them both.”
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
Dan
November 4th, 2023 at 4:32 am Reply
Mary Worth: I hope when Keith eats the muffin he mutters stuff like “mission re-engage: deploy tactical mastication.”
Garrison Skunk
November 4th, 2023 at 8:23 pm Reply
Blondie: “Mr B, I believe just about every story you tell me about you being a millionaire’s son who gave everything up to marry below your station, but you WON T get me to believe you’ve never chowed down on chicken soup powder!”
Sunday
———-
Kevin on Earth
November 5th, 2023 at 4:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary: “Keith, when you were in the Marines, did you give up whenever you had a setback?”
Keith: “HOO Boy did I ever! It’s the primary reason I was discharged from the Marines.”
BigTed
November 5th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
Family Circus: Don’t worry, that flying sound was just Peter Pan. He’s coming through your window to steal your shadow, and there’s not a darn thing your parents can do about it. Well, sleep tight!
Monday
———–
Stuart F
November 5th, 2023 at 9:16 am Reply
Slylock Fox: I’m pretty sure the logical opposite of “it wasn’t Moe or Larry” is “it was Moe AND Larry.” Yes I, a professional computer scientist, have proved that this puzzle for children is internally inconsistent. No, I’m not proud of that.
Bob Tice
November 6th, 2023 at 6:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Mom made a muffin that could stop up an elephant!”
Tuesday
———–
Uncle Lumpy
November 7th, 2023 at 5:11 am Reply
Luann makes “Three’s Company” look like “Othello.”
Ukulele Ike
November 7th, 2023 at 6:25 am Reply
Luann: Bets is going to hit Luann so hard her phony bosoms will swing around to her back.
Wednesday
—————
blammers66
November 8th, 2023 at 4:29 am Reply
Mary Worth: Look, Keith, you’re new here. We get it. We’ve all wanted to crush one of Mary’s muffins right in front of her face – amiright gang? – but we’re here to tell you it won’t work. She’ll just keep coming back with more. So many more …
lynn
November 8th, 2023 at 4:47 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: The basket of severed hands is a nice touch.
Thursday
————
Guillermo el chiclero
November 9th, 2023 at 8:39 am Reply
Pluggers: Poor Henrietta, she’ll be chopped up, breaded, and in the deep fryer before she ever gets anyone on the other end of the line.
pugfuggly
November 9th, 2023 at 9:17 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: “Go put on a giant thimble like the rest of us!”
Friday
——–
MKay
November 10th, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Yvonne can’t wait to testify in court that the absence of “Muddy Boots ” has been detrimental to her existence.
Tabby Lavalamp
November 10th, 2023 at 5:54 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: If Beetle is thinking he’ll join the KISS Army to replace Ace Frehley, he’s going to discover daily beatings from Sarge are far preferable to sitting on a tour bus for endless hours with Gene Simmons.
.
.
.
Shadow COTW
——————
Garrison Skunk
November 5th, 2023 at 9:06 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Mrs. Worth, you smell like my Mum did just before she died, are you sure you’re technically still alive?” ” I must be, if I craved brains, I’ve been hanging with the wrong crowd for decades.”
Congratulations to O. M. S. and the floaters and shadowers (thanks, Baja) and the scroters:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Phelps
November 4th, 2023 at 6:26 am Reply
Dennis the Menace is truly menacing today! The murder of that doll foretells Dennis’s eventual life as a serial killer.
McManx
November 4th, 2023 at 6:41 am Reply
Dennis – Holy shit, Dennis lynched Margaret’s doll and his only regret is that he couldn’t hang it higher?!? He sure went from menacing to sociopathy in 60 seconds.
Mary Worth – Ah, the two-muffin hug… that’s how Keith ended up with an illegitmate daughter and a case of clap on deployment.
astroboy
November 4th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
According to the The Urban Dictionary, a “Two-Muffin Hug” is a sex act involving, um, so, the woman takes her…ahhh, well, and the man takes out his……oh geez, we REALLY don’t want to picture this with Mary involved.
taig
November 4th, 2023 at 6:45 am Reply
MW: “I’m infertile, so you won’t have to worry about some kid looking you up 20 years from now.”
Peanut Gallery
November 4th, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
MW – You may have been told all that, Mary, but the voices in your head are not admissible as evidence.
Rosstifer
November 4th, 2023 at 7:02 am Reply
It’s been a good while since we’ve seen Mary like this. In fact, the last time she showed this kind of interest in anyone was when she went to New York to spend a week having sex with Broadway legend Ken Kensington. One way or another Keith’s going to end up eating a salmon square.
Bob Tice
November 4th, 2023 at 9:30 am Reply
MW:
“I’ve had exactly one interaction with this meddler, and my immediate reaction to her was that she was a nosy ne’er-do-well. But I’m going to talk to what is essentially a perfect stranger like her instead of tapping one of any number of friends, relatives or other acquaintances to discuss the situation,” reasons Keith.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 4th, 2023 at 11:04 am Reply
MW: *silently says prayer of thanks that this scene is happening in a syndicated comic strip that’s required to keep things more or less family-friendly and not a movie where the dialogue would lead to a smash cut of Keith and Mary screwing*
SideshowJon
November 4th, 2023 at 11:20 am Reply
MW: If this story doesn’t suddenly shift to Dr. Jeff walking in on Mary and Keith and being VERY threatened and possessive, I’m not sure life is worth living anymore
BigTed
November 4th, 2023 at 4:30 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary’s giving out hugs now? And offering to be a good listener at her place? Watch out, Keith — I’m sure she’s a tiger in the sack at first, but after that it’s nothing but years of long walks and endless salmon dinners at the Bum Boat.
Family Circus: “Granddad is on ‘Eternal Standard Time.’ ” And I should know — just before he passed, I stole his watch.”
KMD
November 4th, 2023 at 4:42 am Reply
TFC: The way little Billy is making snide comments about his grandfather while adjusting a watch that would have been fashionable a decade ago while Dolly looks grim and tight-lipped sheds a great deal of light. I always wondered how Grandpa died, though I wouldn’t have guessed Billy and Dolly took him out themselves.
Pozzo
November 4th, 2023 at 5:53 am Reply
FC: For a second, I thought Billy was holding an unfurled condom.
“Well, I guess Grandpa won’t need this anymore!”
Tabby Lavalamp
November 4th, 2023 at 8:42 am Reply
I like that the Keanes have a single photo on that dresser to remind the kids that death comes for us all.
LBJ36
November 4th, 2023 at 9:17 am Reply
FC: What the *^&%! They’re using my likeness in &*+$#@ Family Circus – and no one recognizes me! I can’t believe they remember those &*+$#@ actors, Jimmy Whitmore and Ronny Reagan, and forget about me! I guess fame passes like $#!+ through a goose…
And like I’d have a cheap &#$@^* watch like that! What happened to my personalized Presidential model Rolex? I bet they got a bundle for it. *^&%! ’em all!
Flipper
November 4th, 2023 at 7:02 am Reply
FC: Billy’s grandpa is probably buried in Arizona like Bil Keane is, and Arizona is always on Standard Time, so the melonhead is technically correct.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Tony
November 4th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
Six Chix: I, too, enjoy shopping at “Grocery Bag”.
pugfuggly
November 4th, 2023 at 4:49 am Reply
6Cx: Ha, it’s funny because…it’s good advice? Seriously, I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a kooky or unexpected response, but I guess good on you for telling some truth.
Ukranazi Stepan
November 4th, 2023 at 5:05 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone:
“So, the message is, the Mirakle Method only works on criminals. Thank you.”
MKay
November 4th, 2023 at 5:40 am Reply
RMMD: Was Mud arrested for gluttony or for locking himself in a bathroom? Tough town.
Noel
November 4th, 2023 at 5:49 am Reply
Luann: Luann’s line in the last panel reads like the clumsiest come-on I’ve ever seen. “Oh, darn. Nobody believes we’re not a couple, so we might as well get together.” The fact that it’s directed at Gunther makes it even sadder.
Also, Luann’s looking especially like a Muppet today. A… really voluptuous Muppet.
Rube
November 4th, 2023 at 7:12 am Reply
Luann Once again, these people are supposed to be college age, in 2023, not middle schoolers in 1953. About all that’s missing is a chant of “Luann and Gunther, sittin’ in a tree”.
Danielakiiki
November 4th, 2023 at 7:25 am Reply
Luann- Oh JFC, JUST FUCK ALREADY!
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
November 4th, 2023 at 7:37 am Reply
@Danielakiiki:
>Luann
>F***ing
>Pick one
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
November 5th, 2023 at 4:40 am Reply
HtH: “I wasn’t actually a spy, but I knew from experience that sometimes it’s better to tell an incriminating lie than the honest truth.” – Thorvald the Treefucker, 873 CE.
MW: Of course Keith has to talk to Mary. The only three people he knows in the entire world are Mary, an ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago, and an (alleged) daughter he met for about five minutes yesterday, and the second two won’t speak to him. Well, okay, Keith also knows an elderly ferret, but he decided to strangle it in the fourth panel.
Arabella
November 5th, 2023 at 6:27 am Reply
MW: Does Mary not have any larger cups* or mugs for tea (and sympathy)? I can’t wait to see Keith crush that demitasse cup and saucer in his hand.
*Haha – I said “larger cups” I know the audience here.
I speak Jive
November 5th, 2023 at 7:25 am Reply
Mary Worth – This makes me feel like Patton – I want to slap both of them.
Hibbleton
November 5th, 2023 at 6:45 am Reply
MW: Mary goes on to recount how Hooterville defeated Pixley in the Moonshine wars of aught eight.
Baja Gaijin
November 5th, 2023 at 6:52 am Reply
Mary Worth: Poor Keith. After having been exposed to chemical-laden water at Camp Lejeune, he hallucinated his meeting with Kitty in response to that young psycho who invaded his personal space. It’s only a matter of time before he’s on the roof of Building B with big bag of stale muffins and an AR-15.
But What Do I Know?
November 5th, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
MW — “It’s better to live for something than to die for nothing.” FiFY
BigTed
November 5th, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Mary, you remind me of my late mother… She was a nosy, annoying know-it-all too! Anyhow, to quote George S. Patton, ‘A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.’ So excuse me while I finish choking out this muffin!”
Just John
November 5th, 2023 at 8:29 am Reply
MW: “Keith, when you were a Marine, did you give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
Little Blue Bicycle
November 5th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
MW: “You remind me of my late mother. Animal Mother actually. Guy I knew in Nam. Stone cold. Carried an M-60. Told me once, ‘this isn’t about freedom, it’s about slaughter.’”
“Wise words. Another muffin?”
Ettorre
November 5th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Watching the movie “Patton” pushed Nixon to expand the Vietnam war to Cambodia. So maybe Patton’s quotation will encourage Keith to keep contacts with Sonia AND look for another bastard daughter!
lynn
November 5th, 2023 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: You remind me of my late mother. Like her, you are starting to smell bad.
MKay
November 5th, 2023 at 4:38 am Reply
MW: ” I just can’t rein these women in! What’s with all this @#!# independence?”
RMMD: Being crammed into a car trunk for two days gave me a whole new perspective!”
rm
November 5th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
RMMD: If this story line keeps up, Rex and June are going to be watching this infomercial tomorrow in disbelief that people will give money to Rene and company. They are fixated on this and will watch the full half hour before going to phone to order the full program. Fuck the cost, their kids don’t need a college education.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Myrtle
November 5th, 2023 at 6:07 am Reply
FC: (Bil takes a look into Jeffy’s room) Oh, it’s just a rabid bat. Go on back to bed.
ectojazzmage
November 5th, 2023 at 6:24 am Reply
Family Circus: Sounds like Jeffy and/or Billy (because I cannot for the life of me discern the difference between them or keep their names straight) had a real spiritual and religious experience! Unfortunately, said experience almost assuredly contradicts the high control dogma propagated on the Keane Kompound — most of which revolves around framing Daddy Keane as a prophet king — and so the little tyke is going into The Box for a week for blasphemy.
Hibbleton
November 5th, 2023 at 7:12 am Reply
FC: Bil’s shoulders slump in dismay. This isn’t the first time Jeffy has blamed shitting the bed on Angels.
Daisy
November 5th, 2023 at 9:47 am Reply
FC: This turned into “Poltergeist” so slowly I barely noticed. Wait until the next time they turn on the TV and see PJ inside the screen!
Hibbleton
November 6th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
RMMD: “How long is this thing, anyhow?” The writers had a bet: ‘can you work the next line in this porn we’re watching into today’s strip?”
Anonymous
November 6th, 2023 at 4:51 am Reply
Rex Morgan M.D. : could simply turn off the TV or change the channel if we wanted to.
Or he and June could start snarking and riffing jokes on what they’re watching. They’re no Crow T. Robot or Tom Servo, but who is?
Myrtle
November 6th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
RMMD: Looks like the boys put the remote in the refrigerator again.
KMD
November 6th, 2023 at 6:06 am Reply
Glad to see tributes to the “Three Stooges” in both RM, MD and SF today. Congrats, June! You’re Larry!
Dennis Jimenez
November 6th, 2023 at 6:39 am Reply
SFx – Why would anyone rely on logical syllogism given the great strides in phrenology….
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Guillermo el chiclero
November 6th, 2023 at 10:37 am Reply
FC: Nice touch of nostalgia for Billy to dress up like a newspaper editor from a 1930s movie. Does anybody besides Las Vegas craps table attendants wear those visored headbands any more? Those things were made obsolete by the invention of florescent lighting.
If Billy just adds some sleeve garters to his getup he can also be an old-timey saloonkeeper.
“Mommy, we’re playing old time saloon. Want a shot with a beer chaser?”
Of course, you don’t have to twist Thel’s arm to get an affirmative reply.
taig
November 6th, 2023 at 5:56 am Reply
FC: Thel goes on a week-long bender, culminating in the destruction of the town hall. Thel makes sure to show her ass on multiple occasions, because Dolly thought it would be the darndest thing to call the newspaper, “The Behind the Times.”
MW: I suppose I should applaud Mary for not stating, out loud, how she is blessed by God.
I speak Jive
November 6th, 2023 at 8:04 am Reply
Mary Worth – The examples of paying it forward that I’ve seen are giving someone a ride, providing food, paying for the next person in line. I seriously doubt that it means interfering in someone’s life and telling them what to do so that the result is what you think it should be. Mary’s narcissism and egomania are off the charts.
FC – Gee, how do I know this is a rerun from decades ago? With no updates other than Thel’s hairdo.
I guess it was too much work for Jef to draw a computer, even a laptop. Oh, well, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt – maybe they saw The Front Page or All the President’s Men on TV. It can’t be from reading Crankshaft, because if that were the case, Billy would have a pinned up sleeve.
Rube
November 6th, 2023 at 6:12 am Reply
Luann Oh dear. Bets is going to walk in on Gunther and Luann holding hands, which is the Luannverse equivalent of bareback anal.
Guillermo el chiclero
November 6th, 2023 at 7:33 am Reply
Luann: Maybe Trekkie cosplayer Bets will go as a Betazoid bride. For all you non-Trekkies that means butt nekkid.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Little Guy
November 7th, 2023 at 5:42 am Reply
RxMD: “Talking about your problems and finding a solution within isn’t a miracle and it isn’t medicine…. wait, there’s a knock on the door…. it’s our new neighbor with warm muffins….”
Little Blue Bicycle
November 7th, 2023 at 4:48 am Reply
MW: “My high-risk career as a marine and later as a police officer seemed inappropriate for a family. The long nights with nothing to hold except my demitasse cup seemed to preclude family. More expresso Mary? I didn’t spend twenty years as a Marine barista for nothing. You’ll love this Smedley Butler blend but I have some Chesty Puller in the kitchen.”
pugfuggly
November 7th, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
HtH: I guess pre-intenet, AirBnB functioned more like Amway: you’d invite acquaintances over and make awkward chit-chat for an hour before awkwardly trying to segue into a sales pitch.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Chance
November 7th, 2023 at 4:36 am Reply
I think the problem with the Six Chix today is not so much that “we’re not getting enough background to be sure” but more like “we’re getting too much of a sketch of a man leaning out of an impossibly small and badly-crushed car next to a wordless stop sign planted in the sidewalk, waving at two people wearing film-style green screen suits while a sweating sock floats above their heads and the whole thing seems drawn by an uninterested first-grader to be sure” kind of vibe. But maybe that’s just me.
Fritz the Non-Hippo
November 7th, 2023 at 5:30 am Reply
“I’m a bully in a minivan throwing old-timey cartoon socks! Fear me!”
ectojazzmage
November 7th, 2023 at 5:36 am Reply
Six Chix: The message of today’s strip is that if you wear Halloween costumes out of season, Bianca Xunise thinks she should be allowed to commit hate crimes against you.
Beetle Bailey: That squirrel was actually paid with acorns to distract Otto as part of Beetle’s scheme to go AWOL. It isn’t working, however, so Beetle signs as he pulls his pistol. He had hoped to do this without bloodshed.
taig
November 7th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
BB: For the last time, Beetle, Otto doesn’t fuck squirrels.
Hibbleton
November 7th, 2023 at 4:42 am Reply
B. Bailey: Otto thinks; “Squirrel or no squirrel, I’m humping that leg whether you like it or not!
Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
November 7th, 2023 at 6:39 am Reply
BB: Let me just remind you folks that I DO NOT furnish the “Animals” for this comic. As you may recall, they have kids from the nearby elementary school design and create cardboard standup figures that they use. I see the funding for art classes has been cut again.
Braniff
November 7th, 2023 at 11:01 am Reply
FC: This one is a little mystifying to me. Either Jeffy is photographing Daddy playing with his dildoes. Or Mommy rehearsing her blow job technique.
Daisy
November 7th, 2023 at 11:32 am Reply
FC: Billy Bigshot retorts, “You’re just a dumb girl, Dolly…you’ll never be editor.” Decades later, defying everyone’s expectations, Dolly Keane is the CEO of a gigantic media empire, wielding sole editorial control, while Billy is an impoverished screever in some unnamed city.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Maude R. Fawker
November 7th, 2023 at 11:42 am Reply
MW: “Oh Keith, I’m sorry. You really have fucked up your life, haven’t you?”
nescio
November 8th, 2023 at 4:55 am Reply
BG&SS: Lil’ Sparky’s attempt to score weed completely fails.
matt w
November 8th, 2023 at 4:41 am Reply
Free advice for the Snuffy Smith writers: “Nope, I’m a quarter horse” would have been more succinct, avoided the repetition of the key term in the pun, and spared the artist the blind panic that clearly ensued when they realized that they had to draw a horse holding a coin.
Schroduck
November 8th, 2023 at 4:50 am Reply
BGSS: “I’m a quarter horse! Which means one of my parents was a mule! I’m an impossible freak of nature! (Also I can talk and hold coins, but lets focus for now on the inaccuracy of the equine genetics.)”
Weaselboy
November 8th, 2023 at 5:20 am Reply
BG&SS – When I was six years old, I came up with a joke about our car being sleepy because it was “tired” and thought it was hilarious. I’m not saying that today’s strip was written by a child, but sixty-three-year-old me thought it was stupid.
gardenornament
November 8th, 2023 at 4:54 am Reply
Luann: Kudos (for once) to the Evansii for nailing the tone of social-media comments. I guess they are reading the TruFans’ comments on their comic after all.
richardf8
November 8th, 2023 at 5:05 am Reply
Luann – Yesterday I said Bets was one of us. And look! Today she’s braving the Tru Fans so we don’t have to!
jroggs
November 8th, 2023 at 5:12 am Reply
Luann: Having just outed myself as having a tenuous-at-best grasp on current year slang, I need a whataboutism to employ in my defense, and the tin-eared Evanses never fail to deliver. There is a 0.00% chance Bets would be getting trolled online about getting cheated on without someone saying “cucked lol” or “BFG more like NTR.”
TheDiva
November 8th, 2023 at 7:23 am Reply
Luann: I refuse to believe that this is the worst social media cruelty that Bets, a Black woman in the cosplay circuit, has ever endured. I also refuse to believe that a significant portion of people who follow a Black female cosplayer on social media wouldn’t recognize a mediocre manchild getting by on “Nice Guy” entitlement when they see one.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
November 8th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
Dustin: I’m glad that this strip ended in a cutting remark, cuz that first panel had some serious “Coffee ad about siblings that wanna fuck” vibes to it.
Pozzo
November 8th, 2023 at 5:19 am Reply
C’mon, Dustin — let’s go all in and say you’re going for the Fred Flintstone look!
Liam
November 8th, 2023 at 6:56 am Reply
Dustin-And she dates men who like her shaved.
Toys for Twats
November 8th, 2023 at 7:53 am Reply
@Liam: I would totally tap that twat.
TheDiva
November 8th, 2023 at 7:01 am Reply
Dustin: “Scientific studies have shown” ranks alongside “according to a recent poll” in top phrases used to justify complete BS.
RMMD: Rex has pivoted from “scam artists shouldn’t take advantage of others” to “if people are gullible enough to be scammed, it’s their own damn fault.” This will serve him well when he overmedicates his patients in order to line his pockets with those sweet Big Pharma kickbacks.
Lord_Flatulence
November 8th, 2023 at 6:10 am Reply
RMMD: “If these sissy snowflakes want to listen to some feel-good nonsense, then go for it. They’ll probably go out for an iced latte and some avocado toast afterwards.”
Old Man Shadow
November 8th, 2023 at 7:01 am Reply
Oh, god… oh, god, Rex Morgan is looking right at us. Rex Morgan can SEE us! We need to reinforce the fourth wall! I repeat, reinforce the fourth wall! Send everything we’ve got!
BigTed
November 8th, 2023 at 8:20 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “A glorified pep talk? Say, that’s my department!” said Gil Thorp. “Well, maybe not ‘glorified.’ Or ‘effective.’ But mine are every bit as good as a jailed con artist’s would be, probably. Has their prison team ever ended the season 7-5? I don’t think so!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Kevin on Earth
November 8th, 2023 at 5:08 am Reply
MW: Mary: “Isn’t it worth it to try again?”
[doorbell rings]
Mary: “I just happened to invite over an expert in trying again with women…” [door opens to reveal Wilbur Weston]
Keith: [Reflexively crushes muffin]
astroboy
November 8th, 2023 at 5:50 am Reply
MW – Soooo…Mary advises Keith to stalk people. In fact, it’s her first Double-Stalk. Wilbur only ever got to stalk one person at a time. Mary’s upping her Bad Advice game.
Weaselboy
November 8th, 2023 at 6:38 am Reply
MW – Mary should convince Sonia and Kitty that being a Marine and a cop are “endearing quirks.”
taig
November 8th, 2023 at 5:06 am Reply
MW: That’s why Keith never found another woman in the intervening 20 years: his “feelings for Kitty.” No other possible reason!
Thorvaldur Th?rdarsonSequiturNovember 8th, 2023 at 7:59 am Reply
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
“Wait. There are no boobs in this shot.”
taig
November 9th, 2023 at 8:47 am Reply
DtM: “Why isn’t this an e-Gift Card you Luddite mother fucker?!?”
Ukulele Ike
November 9th, 2023 at 8:49 am Reply
DtM: “Don’t worry, Henry, you weren’t particularly bright at that age either.”
nescio
November 9th, 2023 at 9:43 am Reply
DtM: Well now Grandpa has no choice but to show Dennis how to use the gift card to set up a line of coke.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Guillermo el chiclero
November 9th, 2023 at 6:46 am Reply
RMMD: Hank the Second must be turned on by Yvonne cosplaying as the mummy of Ramses the Second in drag.
RMMD: OK, Yvonne. You don’t like to see Rene being all goody-goody. How about we have him be all thieving and homicidal for your benefit. Will that make you happy?
RMMD: Glenwood must have the most boring TV programming on God’s green earth that everybody in town is watching Rene’s infomercial. Next week we’ll see Buck and Pink Hair’s reaction, followed by Andrzej and Aunt Tildy, then Kelly and Niki, then Jordan and Michelle, then Truck and Wanda, then the Streetsweeper, then …..
Peanut Gallery
November 9th, 2023 at 8:50 am Reply
RMMD – Hoo boy, what a
boring load of bullshitbunch of nonsense. But I have to admit, I like the red LED display on the arm of their couch. Today it says “KLIK!” Tomorrow, maybe “THUD!”?RMMD – It’s been decades since buttons on remote controls made a clicking noise. Yvonne gave Horrible Hank a stapler to play with so he won’t keep changing the channel when she’s trying to watch something.
Pluggers – Your estimated wait time is… 20 minutes per pound at 350 degrees F.
Charterstoned
November 9th, 2023 at 9:29 am Reply
MW: “I’m still amazed I have a DAUGHTER! My own FLESH and BLOOD…something I NEVER thought I’d have! Especially after I had that VASECTOMY just before I joined the MARINES. ‘Semper Ubi Sub Ubi,’ know what I mean?”
Garrison Skunk
November 9th, 2023 at 9:39 am Reply
@Charterstoned:
Sunday’s Mary Worth Quote: “ShaZAM! SurPRISE, SurPRISE, SurPRISE.”- John Jay Pierpoint “Gomer” Pyle,USMC.
astroboy
November 9th, 2023 at 10:42 am Reply
Mary Worth’s answer to all problems: You need to be doing a lot more stalking!
I speak Jive
November 9th, 2023 at 11:22 am Reply
Mary Worth – Come on, Mary! Throw out a few platitudes.
The journey of a thousand miles begins one step. You won’t know until you try.
There are a lot more in that Big Book O’ Platitudes. Check the index under “Forcing oneself on people/relatives who don’t want to see you” or “Stalking.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
cheech wizard
November 9th, 2023 at 10:19 am Reply
FC – “We don’t want Daddy on our paper. His cartoons suck.”
Weaselboy
November 9th, 2023 at 12:41 pm Reply
FC and CS – These are the only two strips celebrating “National Death of Print Media Month.”
Anonymous
November 10th, 2023 at 4:43 am Reply
Beetle Bailey : a member of the US military being denied an overdue promotion is a little too… on the nose/topical, isn’t it?
…Too far?…Morgan Wick
November 10th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
I think Beetle just inadvertently gave away what’s really going on at Camp Swampy. General Halftrack is actually leading a breakaway splinter army that’s plotting to overthrow the US government, but Sarge remains loyal to the Stars and Stripes and is undermining the effort by filling Halftrack’s army with the most incompetent people he can find. This explains so much.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Baja Gaijin
November 10th, 2023 at 4:26 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: See Dennis? Mrs. Wilson knows how to do “menace” correctly. She’s gives Loretta Lockhorn a run for her spouse-disparaging money.
Looks Good on Paper: Someone finally drew Scratchy Scrotum’s favorite superhero, Captain Hard-on.
Family Circus: Gotta love parents of small dimwitted children who place a tippy flatscreen TV on the floor. They gotta wipe Jeffy-spit off the screen after every Dairy Queen commercial.
Hibbleton
November 10th, 2023 at 4:56 am Reply
FC: “Come on, Dad. I had to remove all the cigarette ads from the first time this strip ran. [takes his dollar and turns to leave] BTW, nice TV, nyuk nyuk.”
taig
November 10th, 2023 at 5:24 am Reply
FC: “No, we’re going to need all our money for neck surgery, because we have the TV on the floor.”
Tabby Lavalamp
November 10th, 2023 at 5:54 am Reply
This Lockhorn side of Mrs. Wilson is something I can get behind. Tear that cantankerous fool down, Martha!
But What Do I Know?
November 10th, 2023 at 5:57 am Reply
DtM — “I mean, he worked his whole life to provide this house and food and our comfortable retirement, but now that he’s gotten old let’s not allow him to take an afternoon nap on the couch without finding some way to point out his romantic shortcomings. Another cookie, Dennis?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
November 10th, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
MW: Mary has been blinded by muscles since Day One. Beneath that “strong (drool) silent, toygh-guy exterior” is nothing more than a whiny, control freak bully.
Kevin on Earth
November 10th, 2023 at 4:46 am Reply
RMMD: Every live recording of Mud Murphy from now on will be plagued by some woman calling out “Just play ‘Muddy Boots’” between songs.
Hibbleton
November 10th, 2023 at 4:45 am Reply
RMMD: Looks like Fergus won’t be getting head from his favorite groupie any time soon.
Ukranazi Stepan
November 10th, 2023 at 5:03 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone:
If Mrs Hankjunior keeps aging at this rate, she can look forward to not hearing Muddy Boots played at her funeral.
Dan
November 10th, 2023 at 5:26 am Reply
Hi and Lois has discovered mid 2000s Office-style mugging to the audience, adjust expectations for the funny page’s rolling delay on pop culture awareness accordingly.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
November 10th, 2023 at 7:39 am Reply
Dustin: With low wages, increased cost of living, and an aging populating faced with the prohibitive costs of long-term medical care and living assistance, living with one’s parents no longer bears the cultural stigma it did a few decades ago. Don’t tell that to the writers, though, because they hate Dustin* and assume everyone else must hate him too.
*Make no mistake, Dustin is a very hateable character, but not for the reasons Kelly and Parker assume.
Pluggers won’t mask up to protect themselves and others, but they’ll do it for vanity.
Prodigious Poop ProducerSequiturNovember 10th, 2023 at 7:40 am Reply
Marvin: Actually, Marvin should feel right at home.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Liam
November 4th, 2023 at 7:10 am Reply
Dennis the Menace-Next Dennis will burn a cross in Margaret’s yard.
69. Victor Von
November 5th, 2023 at 7:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Rex and June’s exasperation is especially gratifying here, where it’s obvious they’re not even watching the infomercial. This is a 2-minute news report on Rene Belluso, 10 seconds passed, and they’re already bored. When will the reporter stop talking and just start giving them money?
69. 2+2=7
November 6th, 2023 at 6:55 am Reply
REX MORGAN M.D.: June: “How long is this anyway?”
Me: And how big is the gun Buzzy the agent has trained on the Morgans, since this has to be the only reason they continue watching.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. I speak Jive
November 7th, 2023 at 7:18 am Reply
6Chix – All those comments and ridicule about obsessing over a Halloween pumpkin for months after the holiday must have gotten to Xunise. This is an “I’ll show them!” strip.
FC – Dolly wants to be the editor so she can tell the others that they’re fired and are being replaced by AI.
Seriously, this newspaper story is so outdated that it’s beyond updating. It should have been retired.
69. Weaselboy
November 10th, 2023 at 6:23 am Reply
MW – “…and the fact that you found a shirt that matches your eyes will impress them both.”
Thanks Josh! Congrats Shadow and everyone else!
Congratulations, Old Man Shadow!
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Wow! Congrats to Old Man Shadow for the COTW for a Beetle Bailey Strip no less.
And thanks to
ReinholdBaja andGaseousGashouseScratchy for the mentions.DtM “I used to think that George took my breath away. It turned out that I just had asthma.”
Ouch! Slap! No wonder she invites Dennis over ALL THE TIME.
Congratulations to all the winners and nominees and thanks to Baja and Scratchy! And thanks to everyone who makes the brave effort of actually reading all these legacy comics in order to comment.
Kudos to Old Man Shadow for COTW! And to the victory parade following closely behind!
Thanks Baja and Scratchy for the mentions!
I hope everyone has a great weekend! (And remember – NOT ONE WORD OF THE MOUNTAIN CITY TO SAVARNA!!! Or it will mean yet another rehashing of Mozz’s unending prophecy, and none of us really want that, do we? Do we???)
Congrats to all the funny COTWs, and thanks to Josh (and Baja and Scratchy) for the mentions! ….May we all be allowed to rise to our respective levels of incompetence.
Congrats to Old Man Shadow and thanks for including me!
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Let’s all sing a rousing rendition of Muddy Boots to celebrate. Don’t anyone call me out for just moving my mouth and not actually singing. You don’t want to hear me sing.
Thanks, Baja & Scratchy.
This was a week of very weak comic strips, but some fine snark from Josh and all the contributors. Talk about spinning flax into gold.
Thanks Baja and Scratchy. A good weekend to all. Happy Veterans’ Day to U.S. Mudges, and an appropriately reflective Remembrance Day to those in the Commonwealth.
Congrats to Old Man Shadow, everyone on the float, my fellow shadowfloaters and the scratchies! Broon Croons to TheDiva, cheech wizard and astroboy!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy.
Thankee, Baja! And thankee, Baja and Scratchy and Josh, for a very funny roundup.
Congratulations to Old Man Shadow and the rest of the funny float folk. Also congrats to the shadow-ies and scratchies, with thanks to Baja Gaijin and Scratchy Scrotum LXIX. Beret tips to Stuart F, nescio, and Ettorre.
The Familliar Mucus: Billy pins up his sleeve to cover his “missing” right arm to play newspaper. Dolly isn’t fooled, looking directly at Billy’s hidden arm she lets out with her trademark catch phrase, “You gonna eat that?”™
Is Josh saying “beloved” in the header with the same sarcasm he uses to say ‘Beloved CROCK background characters’?
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy!
Thank you, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks Baja and Scratchy, and congrats to Old Man Shadow. Would it kill you to keep that overcoat closed, though?
Thanks for all the highlights, and thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy. Funny stuff!
Thanks for the mentions, and thank you, Poteet, for nominating my Mary Worth comment for a Scroat.
On the float with scrotums! Honored to be here with Old Man Shadow and the rest of the floaters!
Congrats to Old Man Shadow and the floaters and thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
thanks