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Folks, I’ll be taking my traditional long winter’s nap next week, but there are still a couple day’s worth of comics in the hopper that you’ll get enjoy this weekend. For now, though, here’s your last comment of the week of 2023, so behold its glory!

“All this, and we still don’t know who Brad is. Sonia’s boyfriend? Kitty’s boyfriend? Sonia’s father? Kitty’s father? I’m betting he’s the sales rep from meatless ‘BLUFF’© burgers, making his commission one dysfunctional household at a time.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

O come let us adore these wonderful runners up!

“Marvin branches out into a new form of dumping.” –nescio

“In Harry Harrison’s novel Make Room! Make Room!, ‘soylent steaks’ referred to meat substitutes made from soy and lentils — a perfectly respectable veggie burger. But the film adaptation punched it up into the titular Soylent Green, which famously is people. Then the techbro decided to name his food substitute after the best known popular representation of cannibalism, and now we’re full circle, with something that probably is soy and lentils filtered through layers of signification. Semiotics in Mary Worth isn’t just calling a guy ‘Hillend’ because his butt is the size of a natural formation!” –matt w

“Who dresses their toddler like this? Is Marvin going to see Santa or going to a wedding?” –ectojazzmage

“Whether or not an adult camel is smarter than a human boy, he’s smart enough fashion-wise to be wearing the service hat of what appears to be … a train conductor? For sanity’s sake, I’ll assume he took it off the desiccated corpse of the real conductor whose body still lies alongside a forgotten railway car half buried in the desert sand.” –Hibbleton

“Well, Dennis, I actually have a CDL and a private pilot license issued by the FAA — that covers the US, of course. Now, for the EU, I have separate licensing for both activities but, since Brexit, they’re not valid in the UK, so that required additional bureaucracy. Now Russia, well, Santa had to pay out a pretty penny to get the right people to sign the right paperwork, and then I had to get the sleigh’s IFF transponder cleared by both Russian and Ukrainian forces … [thirty minutes later] … and finally, I got a Civil Aviation Safety Authority certificate in Australia! Does that answer your question?” –Voshkod

“Have you every considered that what you thought of as a normal and functional part of your anatomy was actually a swollen, puss-filled cyst? Merry Christmas, and body horror to all!” –Stuart F

“Billy’s previous two letters read ‘Santa, pay attention to my third letter but not to this one’ and ‘Santa, pay attention to any letter that does not ask you to pay attention to it’. He’s hoping he can cause Santa to experience a logical paradox and go down in history as the boy who ruined Christmas for everyone.” –Schroduck

“Shoe is simply telling Roz that as long as she serves bird meat to her costumers, the charges of cannibalism will not stick, because the evidence is digested. Freezing the meals will only produce long-lasting incriminating evidence.” –Ettorre

“Poor Shoe. He was just trying to not tell Roz that she’s stupid if she thinks she could start a small business that could even begin to compete for shelf space already dominated by multi-national conglomerates but isn’t bright enough himself to do it in any way other than insulting her cooking. Roz, you’re already in a losing battle against chain restaurants. Looks at all those empty stools.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Rene is the sort to have news alerts with his name (and various aliases) delivered to his smartphone. Relying on broadcast news isn’t how he got this far ahead.” –Philip

“Dick Tracy took this job for two reasons: to shoot people with impunity, and to be smug in his moral superiority over others. And if he can’t have the former, by GOD will he indulge in the latter.” –TheDiva

“The next time I’m interrogated by the police, I’ll make sure to wear a sweet Criterion Channel branded polo shirt. Cops can’t lock you up if they see your devotion to Cinema.” –lorne

“He didn’t skip out on you, Mud. He calmly walked to an Uber with dignity, a suitcase of money, and whatever wasn’t nailed down, then rode to the airport.” –Old Man Shadow

If a plugger slips and falls on the ice and no one is around to hear, will he make a sound? Yes, he’ll make a sound about the fall with his friends at the diner for the next decade or until full dementia kicks in.” –Baja Gaijin

“‘Cloudy, not bright’ is a phrase that seemed familiar to me but I couldn’t place it, so I googled it. Turns out that the top hits were all clues from holiday crosswords. Anyhow, just loving the idea of Gregg Walker sipping tea by a fire, looking over a newspaper, when it suddenly dawns on him that he was supposed draw a comic. He quickly scans the clues until he falls on that one, and writes ‘+ SARGE VIOLENCE’ on it in blue ink, takes another sip of tea, and turns over to the sports section.” –pugfuggly

“Looks like the Hi and Lois visual content assembly team didn’t have a baby stroller in their clip-art file. Instead, they had assets for a handtruck and a high chair, and only five minutes before they had to leave for their league bowling match.” –jroggs

“Remember, the plugger himself is there to hear the gunshot-like sound of his femur breaking.” –lynn

“About damn time that we saw a woman who wanted Santa to satisfy her burning womanly needs. Normally we just see flirting with the ulterior motive of getting sables and convertibles.” –Tonio

“When Brad finally does lose the hat, the extent of his male pattern baldness will shock us all. Say what you will about Keith’s politics, but his red-blooded all-American crew cut will stand proud and strong forever!” –BigTed

At her age, her likes and dislikes change at the drop of a hat. Yes, all Sonia really needs is to replace Brad with a nice, sensible young man whose interests and attitudes she’ll adopt as her own in a totally appropriate, mentally healthy way! Let’s see who the available male options are in Mary Worth-land. Well, there’s Tommy. Um, let’s move on. And isn’t Dr. Drew taken nowadays? Sorry Sonia, looks like it’s Wilbur for you!” –Thelonious_Nick

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