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“Hey, guy in the back, that’s no way to hold a sign! You have your right hand on one end of the sign and your left hand squarely in the middle, so it’s completely unbalanced. You’re really going to have to struggle to keep holding it, without some support on the other end. Do you know nothing about ‘the principle of moments’? Have you never heard of the concept of ‘torque’? And yet you have the audacity to claim that you’re a source of information???” –seismic-2

Your runners up? They’re ready for you!

“Everyone is picturing varying levels of Having A Bad Time in ‘the real world’ (math is hard, job’s not that great, getting bullied, getting rabies, dying alone wandering through an endless wood) except Momma Keane, who is cleaning up everyone else’s shit at home but imagining an uneventful but probably pleasantly boring grocery trip. The domestic labor gap is real.” –Cornelius Disaster

“Today’s Blondie is dangerously specific about what Dagwood does for a living. Usually they keep it vague to avoid angry letter-writing campaigns from their readers who loathe auditoriums.” –matt w

“Time is money, Bumstead … but we still need to stall for at least two throwaway panels.” –TheDiva

“Katherine, I have to plunge out there into the outside world and show everyone my ridiculous hat!” –Bob Tice

“If it’s not banned by Congress, TikTokers will inevitably stumble upon old vaudeville acts and, like that short-lived sea-shanty craze in early 2021, make that a trend. Too bad the creators of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith won’t find out about it until six months after it dies off, and fail to create animated shorts from their archive of material to get renewed interest in this century old strip.” –Philip

“Alan is going to the movies every day, just in case Ann shows up there. Ann likes movies, right? ‘THE POPCORN COSTS ALONE ARE GOING TO BANKRUPT US, ALAN!’ ‘KUNG FU PANDA 4 IS OUT! ANN LOVES JACK BLACK AND SHE NEEDS HER FAMILY, KATHERINE!’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Mary, I enjoy every day I spend with you. Which is what, two days a year? Three if we’re counting Christmas.” –Schroduck

“Okay, so that’s the villain in panel one. You can tell because he’s ugly, and he’s drinking, and he has poor trigger discipline. In the Deep Woods, only one man is allowed to violate the 4 Cardinal Rules of Firearm Safety, and he wears Lycra to do it!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Is it just me or has Jeff’s face suddenly become grotesquely swollen? I hope so because the possibility that he’s suddenly allergic to coffee or crackers or candles and his experiencing anaphylaxis without either him or Mary noticing is more plausible and interesting than this conversation they’re having.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Being in nature gives me such peace. Like the Botanic Garden. Everyone plant carefully in its place, trimmed and cut back when it grows too much, invasive plants and animals ruthlessly destroyed, everything planned and pruned and perfect, just like nature itself. It’s like the poet said, Mary: ‘Nature, led to root without flaw.’” –Voshkod

“‘So you’ve drawn a dog before, right?’ ‘Sure have. Look!’ [Incoherent Screaming]” –Old Man Shadow

“We’ve entered the perpetual death loop now. Mary and Jeff worked up an appetite on their earlier walk, so they went to eat at the Bum Boat, but now they want to walk off their meal with a leisurely stroll, which will result in them working up an appetite again, so they’ll return to the Bum Boat for a bite or stop by Mary’s kitchen for muffins, then they’ll need another digestive amble, and on and on it will go forever. They’re not even talking about Keith anymore, but on the bright side, they’re not talking about Keith anymore.” –jroggs

“I can’t remember Gil ever wearing a suit while coaching … anything. I can’t remember him coaching either, so I have to assume he’s scheming with this person to steal a car from the valet parking.” –Kevin on Earth

“While running at high speed, Gertie is sticking her head out of the car window and tailgates the car immediately in front of her. The only thing she learned from NASCAR is that car accidents are simply part of the game.” –Ettorre

“If you ever wondered what couples say to each other immediately before completing a suicide pact, now you know.” –Hibbleton

“Knowing that there would be a full moon that evening, did Mary and Jeff google quotes about light and darkness before their date, or are they old enough that they pulled out their respective copies Bartlett’s Quotations?” –Weaselboy

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