Soapy stubble Tuesday
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Mark Trail, 7/2/24
You can make your old-school soap-opera comic character as hip and bestubblèd and “nu-look” as you want, but you will never be able to avoid the twin questions (which inevitably overlap, but do not necessarily have matching answers) of “How old is this person supposed to be?” and “What generational cohort is this person supposed to belong to?” The current Mark Trail involves Mark and Rusty encountering a group of ne’er-do wells-who are polluting Lost Forest by taking old electronic equipment like fax machines out into the woods and busting it up with baseball bats, for fun. They call themselves “The Grungey Boys,” and the fact that neither Mark nor the aforementioned Boys recognize that this is itself a perfectly serviceable insult (certainly more cutting than “scummy”) just tells us that they’re Gen Xer with fond memories of “grunge music,” which Rusty would only know about from the Nirvana t-shirts his little friends buy at Hot Topic. (I suppose the Grungey Boys are also inspired in their whole deal by Office Space, another Gen X touchstone about how having a job is bad and it’s fun to destroy electronic equipment, two sentiments that, as a Gen Xer myself, I agree with.)
Gil Thorp, 7/2/24
Oh, Gil, it wasn’t you holding her back. It was her job as Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp, guiding the Lady Mudlarks to mediocre results just like you did for the boys, and once she ditched out on that it was smooth sailing to golf glory for Ex-Coach Coach Thorp’s Ex! She’s apparently gone back to her maiden name now, and I think it’s funny that the local print newspaper got that piece of information so late in the layout process that when they switched the name in the headline they accidentally put it in the wrong font and didn’t have time to fix it.
206 replies to “Soapy stubble Tuesday”
Family Circus: Wait, Dolly usually says stupid stuff like that. Did Billy accidentally eat her MalaPrOPism Pops for breakfast this morning?
Mary Worth Mashup: I think I’ve accurately predicted what Wilbur’s future looks like.
MW: It’s still not too late to push Wilbur off the boat, Mary. I’m sure those dolphins will take “good care” of him. After all, they’re known for being very “friendly” to people…
RMMD:
“Why the garish blue-green interior to this car, Dad?”
“Well, I’ve been getting interested in Plato and Aristotle a lot recently, son, and I understand they’re really into tealeology!”
@Baja Gaijin: I wouldn’t go near that pizza, dove. Wilbur seems like he would frequent the Charterstone branch of Montoni’s where the mysterious smell and scattered rat droppings are “aesthetics.”
MW:
“Fa! Flipper! Let’s the three of us cheer Wilbur up with some of his beloved karaoke! How about a little something from Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders: ‘The porpoise of a man is to love a woman/And the porpoise of a woman is to love a man’ ?”
Meanwhile, Gil’s coffee mug just sits there, silently mocking him.
MT: There’s a lovely simplicity to Mark Trail villains. Why does Connor smash fax machine in the woods? Because he likes it! Much more that fishing, for example. No need to delve any deeper.
GT: The print media pool has shrunk so much in Milford that the newspaper doesn’t even bother putting their name on the banner. Which newspaper? The news paper. You know the one.
MW: Assuming that Stellan and Willa are roughly the same age, I am living in fear of a repeat performance.
RMMD: Because Bully is his name and bullying is his game. Bullies be bullying.
BB: C’mon, Beetle, swing that wrench. Life in Leavenworth would be a picnic compared to your current wretched existence.
Today’s Mark Trail was created as a blatant attempt to get into the Guinness Book of Records in the category “Most pockets drawn in a single comic”, finally stripping Rob Liefeld of his title.
@pugfuggly: Maybe that is the name of the newspaper. “Honey, did you remember to pick up the Daily Clover Wins First Championship?”
GT: Can’t blame Gil for going old school with a real newspaper to avoid the obnoxious marketing oversaturation online. These days you can’t even get a cup of coffee without an ad.
CS: I’ve always felt the best sexism is the kind that everyone can feel demeaned by, and I’m glad that Tom Batiuk is a man after my own heart. Do you apply yourself and engage in friendly competition with your peers to try to push the bounds of possibility and knowledge with science? That’s just harmful and toxic masculinity. And it’s specifically masculinity because, come on, women can’t understand science stuff, amirite lads? While you’re yukking it up over that brilliant insight into the gender dichotomy, don’t forget to swing by Tom Batiuk’s website to buy a Crankshaft apron of your own and wear it at every barbeque to let your friends and family know with just a glance exactly how funny you really are.
DT: Good thing Gabriel is insisting on openly committing more crimes despite knowing that the police are actively surveilling them. Dick and his nuts are really bad at investigative work and have uncovered pretty much nothing so far, so it’s very considerate of these bad guys to serve themselves up on a platter with these kinds of completely needless self-defeating actions.
JP: DRAMA! Why is Lucas screaming at Glen? I can barely guess! We’ve done almost zero character work for either person! But that’s not important. What matters is that these characters get really fired up and passionate, because that’s exciting and interesting, maybe!
@MKay: Or Willa gets the porcelain throne because of Wilbur’s self loathing/misogyny. He’ll probably do the same thing for Dawn but Mary will have to tell him that humans aren’t flushable.
MW: “It’s time I look ahead.” flash forward a week later, Wilbur has already gotten involved with another woman, and then managed to just about immediately bungle it and become extremely off-putting in record time.
yRMMD: “Well, since his aunt is his legal guardian, she should be contacted to go to the hospital,” wrote Beatty, never.
JP: Can we go back to the action in the water?
MT: I love you, Jules, but Elrodball would have the fighting between the Fists O’ Justice and a group of bad guys wielding heavy weapons commencing already.
For a second I thought Clover was Mimi’s fursona.
MT: Connor: “I hate fishing and I love smashing up fax machines. And I’m going to smash up that stupid Conn Smythe Trophy, too!”
Six Chix: Hold the pickle.
GT — Yes, we do want to know what you think, New Paramour! But given Henry’s predilection for smash cuts, tomorrow will no doubt involve Keri’s newest teenage drama before jumping to the Korean nightmare’s struggle to find a summer job. . .
@2 Baja Gaijin:
Of course he does The End.
And then he shows up at the pool party looking like that.
Gil Thorp:
1. Speaking of “bestubblèd”…
2. “You want to know what I think? I think there’s a hot chick in Lulu Lemons making you chicken gizzards and mashed eggs for breakfast. Pull your head out of your grawlix and stop talking about your marriage, fool!”
Dennis the Menace: This joke was clearly inspired by the fact that there’s a star named Vega, but then wisely reworded so as not to imply that Dennis is smart enough to know that.
Mark Trail: Connor smashes any machine that might evolve into Skynet (i.e. all of them).
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: To ensure the best chances at a scrotal nod at the end of the week, wait 49 comments before making a crack like this…
MW:
[P-1 porpoise to his podmates]: “Let’s the three of us head to the BumBoat and meet Stellan there! — I understand that their potatoes dolphinoise are to die for!”
MT: I see I’m not missing much by dropping this from my rotation. Thanks, Josh!
GT: “Jeebus! Are we going to have to commission that yacht belonging to that weird old lady’s friend?”
Frazz: It’s nice to see Mrs. Olsen mess with peoples’ heads.
Luann: I didn’t think it was possible, but Brad’s fantasy of having children is darker than Toni’s was.
CS: Y is this still being published?
Mark Trail I see that the art continues to be horrible, but at least there’s been a change in the writing. Unfortunately, it’s been from “stupid” to “bizarrely stupid”.
@taig: On MT: I had the same thought. Blech.
9CL: Wow, some of my brain cells audibly died.
Gil Thorp: Is this the most amicable divorce in history? First Mimi jokes around with Gil’s replacement squeeze, and now Gil hopes their marriage “didn’t prevent her from pursuing her dreams sooner.” Where are the lacerating revelations? Pressuring the kids to take sides? Nondisclosure of marital assets? I feel cheated.
MW: Give him several weeks, Mary. I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Zits: I guffawed.
FC: “It also explains why you’re a bleach-blonde, bad-built, bloated body, Billy.”
It’s nice to see Gil worrying if he held his ex-wife back as he sits there comfortably reading the newspaper while his new girlfriend cooks his breakfast for him.
@Fathom Haunt: I do hope not. As a recently divorced guy, I take some hope that if Gil Thorpe has a hot new girlfriend, maybe I, too, though not coach of the year every year and official Manliest Man in Milford, will find someone too.
But if freaking Wilbur Weston gets some play before I do, I’m gonna be despondent.
MW: “It’s time I look ahead…. to the day Estelle finally realizes what a mistake she made leaving me for that Dr. Ed and comes back to me!” (wink!)
RMMD: Good news: We’ve been spared Buck Jr. pestering the EMT crew as he rides with Parker to the hospital.
Bad news: Buck Sr. is back in the frame. Who wants to lay odds we have one of his patented up-nostril phone calls with Rex by the end of the week?
JP: “Stop talking about Sophie! How can I plan her ‘disappearance’ if you keep trying to humanize her!”
@L.H. Puttgrass: If anything, you’re more likely going to find a much more fulfilling relationship than Wilbur will ever have.
@Baja Gaijin: Nice! I really appreciate the dove picking off of Wilbur’s pizza and the Mayo drank.
MT – Showdown in the valley of obsolete beepers. Remember Connor – there can be only one….
GT – Scrambled tits…sure…sounds great….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Can you satirize a parody? Joke about a joke? Mark Trail has devolved into a middle school student effort on notebook paper. Somebody should put it out of its misery.
MW: “You’ve been through DIFFICULTIES and may need time to come to TERMS with it all.”
Somehow, I feel that Karen Moy is speaking to her readers, not to Wilbur.
MT:
From the time Jules started drawing (and writing) this strip, I haven’t been able to get over the fact that most of the time, Mark is drawn to look like Gregory Peck on acid.
MT: Oh, for a return to the art and antics of the old Mark Trail!
GT: “Do you want to know what I think?”
Gil: “No, not really”
@Rube:
Agreed. Its looks like the “artist” doesn’t even care anymore: its one level above stick figures. And the writing is just as bad. King Features has ruined it.
Six Chix-If only Wilbur had a giant sandwich.
MW-When you get home, Wilbur, see a real therapist.
MW-And the dolphins are complaining about people dumping dead pets into the water.
FC-Billy, can’t you try out those corny pickup lines on someone else.
GT – “You know what I think? I think she got that athletic DNA from you, Mr. Coach-man. Every night, with that sweet jock lovin’.”
“Um… you know that isn’t how that works, Beth? The only ones who got that… errr… DNA were our kids. A woman doesn’t actually absorb any of that DNA herself.”
“She doesn’t? Then what the fuck am I doing here?”
Gil Thorp knows the secret to being attractive to the ladies: that irresistible one-two punch of constantly bringing up your ex and guiltily sighing you probably weren’t good enough for her. Hot!
Mark Trail – Over the last few years Gen X has finally crawled out from the overbearing shadow of the Boomers to fill the legacy comics with nostalgia content. Only in the last few years did Jeremy in Zits finally sell the VW Bug, the Beatles aren’t the North star for music references, and mentions of hippies and father’s having old disco suits in their closets are at the lowest in decades.
Gil Thorp – I assume Henry Barajas had a deadline to meet, but also realized that he didn’t know her actual canonical maiden name, as the previous writers failed to keep available notes, choosing to keep the canon in their head. Even Josh didn’t have that information in his almost 20 years writing this blog. Certainly there were longtime readers who would remember, but would only speak up in the form of angry, handwritten letters to the editor or the syndicate when it was published wrong.
You know, Mary, maybe instead of recommending a bunch of stupid hobbies to Wilbur, you can help him find a good therapist. They can get a two for one deal and take you in too.
Luann: Last week’s Disney cuteness was disquieting, but this week’s Bigfoot/Smokey Stover comic style is bringing up breakfast, last night’s dinner, and yesterday’s tiffin. Also the turning of Toni into a Handmaid’s Tale pregnancy automaton.
Marvin Spanish to English.
GT: Get you a barmaid wife
She will fix up your life
Not like a golf pro wife
Don’t bring your Miller High Life
Long carefully shaded legs
Scramblin’ up your breakfast eggs
Get you a barmaid Muddy Boots wife
Oh yeah
Beetle Bailey: Hmmmm.
Six Chix: Sandwich fucking.
MT: @Bob Tice: “…Mark is drawn to look like Gregory Peck on acid.”
Yes, I agree, With his rectangular face, strong jaw, beard stubble, jet black hair with blue highlights, and single curl falling over his forehead, Mark Trail does resemble… oh, Gregory Peck? Sorry, I thought you said Gil Thorp.
@Lord Flatulence: Better or worse than interviewing the sandwich for ideas?
Clover Wins First Championship, Sedge Takes Second, Moss a Distant Third, Grass a SurprisinglLast in National Groundcover Competition
(At the bodega) “One giant sandwich, please. Hold the non-binary, ethnically-confused friendless chronically depressed cartoonist-humping.”
GT: I mean, “My ex’s life improved exponentially after we broke up; I wonder if there’s a connection” does indicate a certain level of self-awareness, but it still counts as a red flag in my book.
MT: Are fax machines even considered essential office equipment anymore? Most documents are managed online, and those that aren’t can be scanned into a PDF file. Really, serving as a healthy outlet for pent-up aggression is the only thing that tech dinosaur is good for these days.
GT – Abruptly ending the comic at “You wanna know what I think?” pretty much gives us Gil’s answer to that question. But hey, it’s my answer too!
MT – (Horrified gasp) “You hate fishing!? Say it isn’t so! Won’t you think of the forest life? You should respect all living things. Show your respect for the fish by impaling them on hooks and optionally killing them.”
GT – Gil’s ex is just going by one name now. And her girlfriend goes by “Crimson.” It’s cute.
MT: As if the morning news itself isn’t bad enough, Josh has to remind us that Mark Trail still exists in a strange, mutant form. Those bird band Bible verses don’t seem so bad now, do they? I’m going back to bed.
Six Chix – It’s a good thing you don’t need friends. They all ran away after they saw you making out with Giant Sandwich. You could at least have given it a more creative name.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I can’t resist sliding”
“As long as you’re going out, boss, bring back a quart of milk and some cigarettes”
Gil Thorp-Like her dream of pursuing other women?
MW: Closure. Right. You have learned nothing except that you can’t order a pizza with extra mayo.
Six Chix: “My hero!”
@Peanut Gallery: She don’t need no friends. As long as she gaze on Waterloo sunset, she is in paradise.
Blondie-Lou’s got to get rid of that health inspector’s body.
@Ukulele Ike: Move over, cheeseburger. There’s a new sandwich in paradise.
@Midtown: Well done!
I know this is weird, but today’s “Beetle Moses” comic strip might represent what poor Stellan sees when he wakes up on the other side of the ocean…
https://tinyurl.com/Beetle-Moses |
If the link doesn’t work, the comic is at Comics kingdom. I read it – like most of the comics – on the Seattle Times comics web page. :-)
Mark Trail: Mark Trail doing the poggers emote face is not what I expected to wake up to.
Gil Thorp: Nothing says romance like ignoring your girlfriend’s attempt to cook you breakfast in favor of going on a self-pitying monologue about how you were holding your ex back from true happiness.
FC: Billy, as usual, is unclear on the concept…
C’shaft: I would think NASA is too preoccupied with the whole Artemis thing to be getting into a grill explosion war with some random pyromaniac in Ohio.
There was a time, long ago, when Crankshaft was theoretically trying to cook food on his endless supply of Weber kettle grills, and just got carried away starting the fire. But at this point they’re not even trying to pretend he’s barbecuing anything–the mayhem has become an end unto itself. It’s like Wile E. Coyote, only not funny and we never get to see Crankshaft suffer for his hubris.
Dustin: So Dustdad is openly admitting that he denigrates Dustmom’s culinary skills because she insists on making things like vegetables. Hey, Les Moore may no longer be in the running but with Wilbur Weston, Brad DeGroot and the entire 9 Chickweed Lane roster in the field, maintaining the title of Most Loathsome Comic Strip Character takes serious commitment.
JP: So by “talking about” you mean “acknowledging her existence in any way,” got it.
Luann: Just when I think Brad and Toni can’t become more repulsive, they’ve become the Duggars.
MW: “No Wilbur, it’s okay if you want to hang out in your apartment by yourself for a few more weeks and not talk to anybody…”
Phantom: The Ghost Who Talks Like a Documentary Narrator
Pluggers are hopelessly disgusting.
MT: I would pay any amount of money to see Mark Trail vs. Disgruntled Office Employees reach its logical conclusion with Mark punching Dilbert right in the mout… right in the chi…. just punching Dilbert anywhere.
Wary Morth:
So I suppose a Great White Shark isn’t going to appear in the yachts wake, swallow Stellan, and make Weelbur back into the wheelhouse, muttering “You’re going to need a bigger boat.”
Sid? None of your clientele is a Great White, or is it that they all just had too much self respect for this role?
Mary Worth – Porpoise: “It’s bad enough that that goldfish was obviously sitting around for too long, but I’m sure that it was frozen, too.”
6Chix – That’s a recognizable sandwich, but she’s just counting the days until autumn when she can draw rotten pumpkins again.
Crankshaft – Mopey Pete and Mindy have been dating for how long? And this is the first he’s heard about Crankshaft’s grill pyrotechnics? Smirk!
Did anyone notice the apron and the address where you can buy one?
9CL – This makes the RMMD kid’s comedy routine sound like Robin Williams.
Comedy. Character development. Appealing characters. Interesting, varied stories. Is there anything that Brooke can’t not do?
Mark Trail – I’m another one who gave up on this some time ago and who, on seeing it today, has no interest in starting to read it again.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashup – Yes. Wilbur never learns from his mistakes, so it’s likely that he will regress again.
I love the jars of mayo. It’s a wonder Wilbur’s arteries aren’t completely clogged.
MT: “Was I holding Mimi back? She’s just made history as the first gay woman to win a golf tournament! … What? No, I’m a coach, Beth. I think I know a little more about women’s golf than you do.”
@Baja Gaijin: #1
Oh mercy…here we go…
“I feel a sense of closure and it’s time I look ahead…” as spoken by Wilburp fill me with a sense of foreboding and even dread as I anticipate what Moy will bring us next and I can honestly say that *I* feel no sense of closure and I don’t want to look ahead.
@Daisy: #2
Of course I meant to respond to Baja’s Mashup comment…
Mary Worth – They’re both spouting platitudes today. Wilbur found “closure” because of the funeral – in case there’s anyone who didn’t know, the funeral was for A. Fucking. Goldfish.
I’m disappointed that Mary didn’t address the theological implications of Wilbur’s statement yesterday that he’ll see Stellan again someday.
@Bob Tice: #4
GAAAAA!!!!!
Gil Thorp: They may have gotten the font wrong, but at least they still used a banner headline, which is what newspapers do for stories of mildly passing interest.
@MasterMahan: I would like to see Jules Rivera take apart Scott Adams, I have to admit.
Happy Independence Day, Yanks!
— John Adams
@Sequitur: #18
I honestly didn’t know it was possible to do that with a sandwich…
@Rube: It is a continuing sense of disappointment to me that Jules Rivera is still being allowed to do Mark Trail.
For an example of how to reboot an old comic strip and do it right, look no further than the new Flash Gordon. The art is good, the story moves at a breakneck pace, and it respects the original material. They briefly considered the Mark Trail route of making Flash an insufferable dudebro, but decided to make him an unironic hero instead. The result is the best strip going now, IMO.
Mark Trail can be earnest, it can be hokey, and it can be both. What it should never, ever be is cynical and poorly drawn. But that’s what is is these days.
@Bob Tice: #24
GAAAAAAAAA!!!!
MW: “Wilbur, take it easy when you get home.”
[Wilbur arrives home to find Willa dead.]
“AAAAAUUUUURRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
[Mary thought balloon] “Nope, not going through this shit again.”
MT-Mark, call him a crumb bum next. That’ll hurt him.
@taig: #26
I honest to goodness love Mrs. Olsen!
@taig: #29
Just more evidence that this comic strip is not clever. Or funny. Or creative,
@86 Daisy: Dagwood Bumstead knew it was possible, and probably half a century ago too.
@87 L.H. Puttgrass: The person who does the weekend Popeye strips also successfully rebooted his franchise.
@L.H. Puttgrass: You’re absolutely right about the new Flash Gordon. I really enjoy the Sunday strips, where the week’s recap is done in the voice and perspective of different characters.
@Anonymous: Oops. That was I.
@TheDiva:
MT: Are fax machines even considered essential office equipment anymore?
On the rare occasion at work that we have to fax something to some Neanderthal living in the 20th century, we “fax” it out of Outlook. Which is what I figure most offices do now. The fact that we still occasionally have to do it says there are still some fax machines out there, but not many.
Mark Trail: They should at least be playing “it feels good to be a gangsta” as the soundtrack to this scene. (Anything by Nirvana would also be appropriate, but I’m guessing the syndicate wouldn’t shell out the royalties for that. Okay, “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden it is!)
Gil Thorp: Gil is also old-school, which is why he reads his local newspaper by printing out articles from their website on 8-1/2×11 office paper. But he should have used a larger font — since he’s too vain to wear glasses in front of his cute new girlfriend, the text just looks like a bunch of vertical lines to him.
Pluggers: You’re a plugger if your wife nags you so often, that’s not even what the panel is about! It just happens in the background, constantly, and you just stand there and take it until your eyes become tiny little dots. So sad!
Mary Worth: Hey, look, it’s frolicking dolphins, staying just far enough away from the boat that Wilbur can’t see them, because that would help him feel better. They understand the natural order of things, Mary — why can’t you?
@Needless Exposition: #35
Alfred E. Neuman of “Mad Magazine” fame has a better chance of a fulfilling relationship than Wilbur Weston will ever have.
Dustin: TFW when you need a punch line for a Tuesday in July and you can’t think of one.
6Chix: WTF?
H&L: Hi’s life continues down the dumper. Now his garbage men are out to screw him.
JP: I guess we might have pegged big brother wrong. It looks like Lucas ITAH.
GT, part deux: “You want to know what I think? That someone can excel in both their career and as a parent at the same time. Like you! You’re an excellent coach, and look at this World’s Greatest Dad mug your kids got you… wait, this just says Dad. I didn’t even know they made these.”
@Voshkod: #55
…with Creeping Charlie bringing up the rear!
@Missal:
Yeah, like in The Simpsons, when the elementary school struck oil, the headline was “Awful school is awful rich”
Principal Skinner showing the article to Superintendent Chalmers, he was keeping his thumb over the first “Awful”
Chalmers: What’s it say under your thumb?
Skinner: Oh! It’s an unrelated article.
Chalmers: An unrelated article? Within the banner headline?
Skinner: Yes.
GT: Milford’s newspaper is so strapped for cash that it can’t afford to print photographs or even format its text into columns. It’s also apparently printed on single sheets of paper. How the hell are you supposed to wrap fish in that?
Frazz: At least Mrs. Olsen doesn’t feel smug about her obsession.
GT: I hope you like scrambled because I don’t like you enough to learn to flip eggs properly.
@I speak Jive: re: 6Chx: ….recognizable sandwich….
To me, the red onion slice looks disconcertingly like a huge eye, as if the sandwich were some crepuscular monster dwelling in the depths of the sea, or the Giant Robot Spider from Johnny Quest. And is that drool on Xiunise’s chin, or is the sandwich leaking mayonnaise?
re: Crankshaft’s Apron: Oh my yes, I immediately wrote that web address down so I can buy a few dozen Crankshaft aprons and gift them to all my friends and relations come the Yuletide season. What’s your address, again?
@Daisy: “What, me worry…about being single?”
MT-“I thought you were going to take me fisting!”
@TheDiva:
MT-The library I work at as a fax machine for the public to use.
Gil Thorp-Gil prefers fertilized eggs.
Six Chix-“I don’t need jokes as long as I have giant sandwich.”
@Anonymous: #94: What I also like about the Flash Gordon Sunday recaps is you often get the villain’s perspective on the story.
@Anonymous: The Flash Gordon Sunday strips really are clever in how they manage to recap the week’s action for people who don’t get the daily strips, but add something new for the daily readers. I don’t think I’ve seen a serial do it quite that well.
FC: Billy’s got this look on his face that says, “Man, she’s swallowing this bullshit hook, line, and sinker!”
FC: When Dolly recounts this to an even more gullible Jeffy it’ll be, “Heat makes things bigger. That’s why boys get bigger boners in the summer.”
FC: The rest of us are just hoping the summer heat expands Thel’s rack.
This is like when two superheroes meet and have to fight and then eventually realize they’re on the same side. Mark and Connor will work it out so Connor can continue his wanton destruction of technology, but keep the carnage confined to the cities that Mark doesn’t have to look at and hopes will one day all burn anyway.
@I speak Jive: #81
“I’m disappointed that Mary didn’t address the theological implications of Wilbur’s statement yesterday that he’ll see Stellan again someday.”
I think the takeaway from that is that Wilbur’s soul is stunted.
FUNNIEST KID CARTOON:. Curtis
SADDEST KID CARTOON:. Luann
MOST RELATABLE ADULT CARTOON:. Frazz
MOST PUZZLING ADULT CARTOON:. PMP. is this because lemon juice hurts or because the acid is an antiseptic?
MOST VICTORIOUS KID CARTOON:. Peanuts (I’m trained in nonviolent dispute resolution, but gotta admit it helps to have an enforcer)
DEEPEST CARTOON: Candorville. Here’s my take, wars are mostly about dominance, not just power. Warmongers and bullies of all sorts don’t want to move mountains or feed the hungry or protect their people. These are only excuses to justify their lust for dominance.
BEST USE OF DOLPHINS:. MW. Earlier last week Sid told us he had placed a couple dolphin clients, but I had no idea they would be such stars.
@Ukulele Ike: #105
“And is that drool on Xiunise’s chin, or is the sandwich leaking mayonnaise?”
If that was a gigantic fish sandwich I’d identify that milky substance as milt. Which is unsettling.
JP: I see we have the typical Judge Parker character has a total meltdown in response to a simple question.
RMMD: A bit off the current story but well within the Rex Morgan universe. Just found out there’s a country-western star named Larry Fleet who’s a dead ringer for the pre-Fergus Mud Mountain Murphy and his biggest hit is “Muddy Water”.
RMMD: I hope Parker ends up in the same room as Rene Belluso and prattles on endlessly with trivia about 1930s comedians.
@Needless Exposition: #106
For every Alfred E Neuman/Wilburp Weston there’s a Moxie Cowznofsky…
…and re-reading my comment, I should probably remove the “slash” between the two names…that is a pairing I hope to never ever ever see. Ever.
@Sequitur: Stroke the pickle.
@121 Lord Flatulence:
Hey, is this you? If so, I don’t think it’s a mistake or accident.
@Sequitur: That was my father. Quite a man. May he rest in peace. I proudly carry on what he started.
@SabeHombre: MT is unreadable these days, and the artwork is painful to look at. Jules sucks. She could have done SO MUCH with MT, and instead does this… this CRAP.
Luann: I notice it’s the same guest artist as last week.
Perhaps the change in art is recording a normal person’s spiral into madness that you get from having to draw Luann.
Pluggers – No worries. Even with the grease stains, he’s still overdressed for Golden Corral.
FC: And when that science book makes Billy’s brain overheat, it also expands! Sadly, only literally.
JP: Okay, at this point, I’m honestly wondering if we’re meant to be thinking “Lucas’s family is actually fine, the problem is his erratic mood swings”, except Reena also said Glen was a jerk, and that wasn’t based on anything either.
SH: “Remora, you and Thomas proved that merfolk and humans are the same species by giving birth to Marlon,” says the woman who has a pet cat whose mother is a dog, and which is also sometimes a human.
Snuffy – They’re gaining on the tree percentage-wise, but they will never overtake it — just like Achilles and the tortoise. Zeno was right!
@123 Lord Flatulence:
Family traditions are important.
I only read Gil Thorp when Josh features it but from what I can tell, Gil’s new girlfriend is basically there to be pretty and cook for him, as opposed to his ex-wife who was there to be pretty and have her own professional career. I’m sure the writer thinks he struck a blow for…something … because the girlfriend has brown hair and is supposed to be Latina, but things actually seemed to have gone backwards.
@SabeHombre: Can you satirize a parody? Joke about a joke? Mark Trail has devolved into a middle school student effort on notebook paper. Somebody should put it out of its misery.
The new Mark Trail isn’t supposed to make money or even entertain readers. It’s basically a loss leader for the company so they can keep “the earners” lilly white and still get the requisite DEI points from the investment market’s Minority Empowerment Index
Dustin: “See, it’s not MY fault I’m fat, it’s my wife’s! And besides, it takes up a lot of energy to constantly belittle my son that doesn’t know how to take care of himself!”
@Cleveland Mocks: Frazz – “At least Mrs. Olsen doesn’t feel smug about her obsession.”
Nor does she mock behind their backs anyone who doesn’t share it.
@Ukulele Ike: Re 6Chix – I want to clarify that I meant that everyone can tell that that’s a sandwich, as opposed to, for example, a puppy or a piece of pizza. I hope that I wasn’t implying that the sandwich is well drawn or that the strip is humorous or even comprehensible.
I think that’s drool.
Re Crankshaft – Thanks for thinking of me, but I already ordered several.
@Daisy: Not to mention that he has the emotional maturity of a four year old.
@T.H. Steady: GT: Gil’s new girlfriend is there to look pretty, cook for him, make him drinks, among other amenities.
@Guillermo el chiclero: JP: Ah, the time honored tradition.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Re RMMD and Larry Fleet – That’s interesting. So Mud is apparently modeled on a real performer. I wonder if the audience yells “Play Muddy Water!” at Fleet’s performances.
@Cleveland Mocks: ITAH? Help me out please.
@The Quiet Man: RMMD: Buck’s nostrils must NOT be ignored!
@137 Lord Flatulence: Is The Ass Hole.
@138 Lord Flatulence: That’s a threat if I’ve ever heard one.
@Liam: GT: I have a friend whose wife left him for another woman. Hey, it happens.
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks. I try to stay up with all the hip lingo.
@141 Lord Flatulence: Solid.
@Philip: Even Josh didn’t have that information in his almost 20 years writing this blog. Certainly there were longtime readers who would remember, but would only speak up in the form of angry, handwritten letters to the editor or the syndicate when it was published wrong
Gee, if only there was a blog that kept track of such things…
@Voshkod: Right? Give the people what they want!
@brendancalling: No, she really couldn’t. Her particular brand of politics notwithstanding, what possible frame of reference does have for the characters of MT and the type of stories they are suited for? None whatsoever, which is why she’s shoehorning them into the types of stories she’s comfortable writing, thus satisfying no one.
She could have done “so much” if the syndicate had decided to trust her to create a new strip with her own original characters and stories, but instead they saddled her with a zombie strip that should have been put out to pasture decades ago. The same could be said for all the other strips where the creators died decades ago and left no specific instructions for a successor. RMMD, JP, MW, GT, the whole lot of them.
‘Dick Tracy’ got a pass for a while because Chester Gould performed an official handoff to a new artist/writer team that actually respected the characters and the business of detecting and crimesolving, and tried to undo the more outlandish aspects of Gould’s ‘Space’ period. The strip should have ended when that team decided to throw in the towel, then we’d have been spared storylines that try to mash up the neverending Flattop family resemblance gag, a long-forgotten 1930s villain from one of Gould’s lesser periods, and the flippin’ BATMOBILE!
@T.H. Steady: Precisely. Whether or not you agree with her politics, she was never meant to succeed, only gin up some publicity for an artform that’s slowly being strangled by complacency.
@Flipper:
Maybe Gil and Mark are Astral Twins.
@Activist 1234: Yes, after giving Stellan his moment in the sunset, our Dolphins o’ Death come on panel to give their respectful memorial tribute! You may have missed some of their previous appearances – they often perform during the Jeff-and-Mary cruises – as the Dolphins o’ Delight or the Dolphins o’ Despair, depending on the ambiance required. Their aquatic choreography is unparallelled! Well, actually they ARE parallel in most of their routines, but you know what I mean…
In other news, Willa and Stellan have gone on a freshwater cruise, sort of a second honeymoon. Stellan wanted to get that seawater residue off him, plus they didn’t want to be near any coast. Didn’t want any “ghost” sightings by his rabid fans! I think they can stay under the radar in the [redacted] River!
@Daisy:
Yeah, I know.
@Daisy:
I’m drawn to bad puns like a moth to flame.
@147 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Another reason to be away from the coast is to ensure maximum distance from Wilbur Weston.
6 CHX:. Yes, that’s Mayo. Dry kisses font count.
PHANTOM:. Saw tomorrow’s strip. Whoever predicted four bodies in ship set to explode in space was close. Suspiciously close. Law enforcement will stop by in the morning.
@Lord Flatulence:
I truncated the acronym for “Am I The Asshole Here?”, which is some Reddit self-reflection thing I think, although I could be completely wrong.
Close The Sale, Gil – “You know what I think? You did. You absolutely held her back from achieving her dreams. That’s what you do. Fortunately for you I don’t have any dreams, they were crushed long ago.”
@Activist 1234: Ooooooo, that was me. Something interesting is finally going to happen in Phantom?
One of those tribes in the Deep Woods has got to be cannibal; I’m certain they’ll make sure good meat doesn’t go to waste.
@Cleveland Mocks: Reminds me of the wise old cardsharpers’ adage “If you’re sitting at the poker table and you can’t tell who the mark is, then the mark is you.”
GT: “Scrambled, fine. Just so long as you keep yours unfertililzed.”
@Midtown: Six Chix: “My hero!”
COTW material but it’ll never happen.
MW: “Wilbur, take it easy when you get home. You’ve been through difficulties and may need time to come to terms with it all. I mean, you had a goldfish die. Never has a man suffered so!”
@Ukulele Ike:
#154. Ike, if you plan to answer door in morning (and I suggest you do), tonight arrange both for friend to be there to witness the interview and for a videocamera to be taping.
@Maude R. Fawker:
GT: “Scrambled, fine. Just so long as you keep yours unfertililzed.”
Then Gil jumps up, does a little dance, and shouts, “Ho ho, up top!”
MT: Damn, I haven’t seen this much whining about a legacy comic having even slightly different art since any time I read the comments on a current Nancy strip
MT: Most fax machines are long since in the landfill, except that doctors and hospitals still use them, inexplicably. Do they think a paper copy from a fax machine is any better than printing out a PDF? Have the Grungey Boys been going through Dumpsters behind medical buildings? Probably because they were fishing for prescription blanks, expired drugs, the odd disposal box full of syringes, that kind of medical stuff. That’s mighty damn grungey!
@Veronica: I was under the impression that many of us LIKED Olivia Jaimes’s work. She’s no Bushmiller, but she’s a helluva improvement over the cowboy-hatted roots-country obsessed weirdo who’d been handling it for the past ten years. And I’ve really been enjoying the cartoonist who’s been filling in for Jaimes for the past couple weeks — except for the “Nancy-as-zit” strip today. That was gross.
@Veronica: I actually LOVE what Olivia James did with Nancy.
With MT, it’s not just the art—which is radically different, and which no one would care about if the rest of the strip was well- or even just adequately-written. But it’s not—it’s as unsufferable as “Luann.” I used to be a Jules defender, BTW, but the constant snarking, self-referential jokes, idiotic stories, and lampshading ultimately turned me off.
I had super high hopes when she took over, but man—it’s like she hates her job.
@Ukulele Ike: the country references were the only good part about Gilchrist. Otherwise he sucked. Jaimes is a total improvement.
@brendancalling: All I remember about them was that when somebody like Junior Samples or “Stringbean” kicked the bucket, Fritzi would get weepy for a week.
Gil Thorp maddens me because, unless you are a dedicated daily reader, like Josh, it makes _absolutely no sense_ because we have no idea who any of these characters are or what the dialogue fragments in which they speak actually mean.
And then, even when you have Josh to explain the context and relationships, it’s still _boring as hell_.
MW: Since they’re zipping along the high seas at a good rate of speed, shouldn’t Wilbur’s combover be doing a one-sided Dagwood?
GT: “Bad enough that it prevented me from pursuing my dream of bedding hot young chicks in the hospitality industry.”
MT: For Mark to be disappointed in Connor he must retain some memory of Connor when the man isn’t directly in front of him, which is more than I can claim.
Gil Twerp: I like how Gil’s mug says YOUR AD HERE instead of #1 DAD
@Baja Gaijin: @Inspector Gotcha: one-sided Dagwood?
_______________
I remember when Joey Chestnut did a one-sided Dagwood at the Nathan’s hotdog eating contest.
Late Thread Cuisine: Is anyone surprised this dish contains white pepper?
@brendancalling:
I had super high hopes when she took over, but man—it’s like she hates her job.
_________________
Whoops, there goes another three rock plant.
9CL: You know those BC strips where the characters read a punny definition from the dictionary on a rock and then wince in disgust? Well, logic dictates that some proposed definitions don’t even pass muster there. And here we are.
C-Shaft: As in “Y, for the love of God, Y?”
Dustin: Ask a stupid question, get an answer that is somehow, counter to all seeming possibility, even stupider than that.
JP: So apparently these two aren’t related to Neddy’s fiancé and Judge Parker is just set in a world where all brothers hate each other. The Cain and Abel-verse, perhaps.
RMMD: Most of the descriptors on that list seem to fit Parker pretty well but I’m having a problem with one. Take a wild guess which one.
6C: The last couple of weeks Bianca asked random people if they had an idea for a comic strip. Sad to say it appears that one of them did, and it was, “You getting boinked by a giant hoagie.”
@Baja Gaijin: Late thread cuisine – Wow, that’s a lot of white food on that plate. I remember learning in Home Ec class back in the Stone Age that the different parts of a meal should be different colors so that the meal looks more interesting. I’m assuming that a chef or person with other culinary training would would know this.
I could live with the boring presentation, but I have to be very careful about cream sauces, so I’d probably skip it.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Re JP – I wonder if Cain and Abel screeched at each other like everyone in JP does.
Six Chix and A Cat Named Dagwood In Search Of A Punchline: Cant help but wonder who suggested “have sex with giant sandwiches” during last week’s search for a comic concept. I bet it was the Mime. No one listens to Mimes, but she did, that’s the punchline! Well done!
@Veronica: Welp. We found Jules sock puppet account.
People aren’t universally thrilled with the art but most of the criticism is of the bad writing.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: JP: So apparently these two aren’t related to Neddy’s fiancé and Judge Parker is just set in a world where all brothers hate each other. The Cain and Abel-verse, perhaps.
The same thing is true in Sally Forth. I suspect Ces is one of those kids who was on the receiving end me of many brotherly noogies for being a “sissy,” “nerd” or “wimp.”
@T.H. Steady:
It is rather like a blackfly in your chardonnay. If Gil Thorp continues past Barajas working on it I wonder how the next writer will deal with all of this.
@Bob Tice:
I’m drawn to bad puns like a moth to flame.
_____________________
You don’t have a bad sense of humor, you’re just drawn that way.
@Baja Gaijin: I didn’t realize we found a dish from the KKK Potluck Dinner.
Mark Trail Mix: It could be worse Mark, they could be fans of Bevis & Butthead and start playing frog baseball and couch fishing for squirrels.
@Baja Gaijin: To paraphrase today’s Crankshaft, “Must be something about that YT chromosome.”
@Baja Gaijin: White pepper is for people who think that little black specks spoil the presentation of their white food. I LIKE little black specks and I threw out all our white pepper several years ago.
@172 Baja Gaijin:
Ah, C’mon. I’m about to eat a meal here.
But, anyway. Look what we have here.
Interesting. Next Monday the strip continues in black & white. I guess we’ll see if that holds next Monday.
@Sequitur: Is that the smell of low tide or bullshit?
Gil Thorp: “Clover … she’s already gone back to using her porn star name, and won a pole dancing championship. Well, she’s finally pursuing her dreams.”
@186 Needless Exposition:
Low bullshit.
@Baja Gaijin: #172
Something isn’t right…I see flecks of green and an actual sprig of some sort of green plant. Shouldn’t it be white radish or something to keep with the theme?
@Ukulele Ike: The only time I ever used white pepper was in a recipe for Cajun blackening seasoning, that called for white, red, and black pepper (among other things). It was damn good, but I probably could have just used red and black and never tasted the difference.
@175 I speak Jive: Maybe the recipe author thought the photo would be in black-and-white?
@181 Needless Exposition: Whaaaa???
@183 taig: SNERK!
@184 Ukulele Ike: I have some white pepper. I should throw it out; it tastes wrong.
@185 Sequitur: C’mon. You should know by now not to look at the ‘Cuisine within an hour before or an hour after a meal. Which means Pluggers won’t ever be able to look at them. Ha ha! I made a “Pluggers are so fat” joke.
@Baja Gaijin: “Maybe the recipe author thought the photo would be in black-and-white?”
Or white-and-white.
I remember using white pepper only once. The recipe for Quiche Lorraine in The Joy of Cooking called for it.
@192 Baja Gaijin:
Plungers are so fat…
When they have an erection and look down, they can’t see it.
(There could be two reasons for that.)
GT: If anybody is questioning why the Milford fishwrap would put Mimi winning some golf tournament in another state on their front page I’ve seen enough small town papers to know that whenever a local yokel makes good somewhere else, even a goat milking contest in Mongolia, it’s front page news.
Dustin: Like you really thought it was inflation. You’re both lawyers. Even if grocery prices doubled overnight the both of you could still afford to eat.
@Peanut Gallery: @Baja Gaijin: @I speak Jive: Eggs-ackley. Paul Prudhomme often threw white pepper into his seasoning combinations, but they were always so elaborate that you wouldn’t miss it if you left it out. Check out his book Seasoned América in which he applies his herb/spice eccentricities to a variety of regional US dishes. His “Brooklyn Borscht” is very good.
To me, white pepper tastes like a combo of hotness and dust.
If I were dining in a hotbed of haute cuisine like Lyons or San Francisco or Barcelona, I would trust the head cook to use white pepper in a beneficial fashion, but I don’t need it within the confines of my own humble kitchen.
Luann – “Having brothers and sisters helps me be responsible! But you, dad, can’t even be bothered to use a condom.”
@cheech wizard: The kid’s leaping with joy at the sight of her mother’s (aunt’s?) pregnant belly is particularly repugnant.
Also, Toni and Brad reproducing like this is what leads to IDIOCRACY. Are there any smart people in this strip who could be procreating? Maybe Hair and Sun should be fucking back at dear old Mooney U.
@Ukulele Ike: #198: Ox is probably the only member of that cast that should be procreating.
@198 Ukulele Ike:
None of what is going on in Luann right now is canon since it’s being done by a guest artist/writer. In fact, if dropping story arcs is regular in this strip than this arc never existed and should totally be forgotten. I bet the Evans gave this guest carte blanche on the story so they could totally disavow it.
@194 Sequitur: I don’t want to think about Plugger junk in any state of flaccidity. Thaaaanks. I guess that’s turnabout for todaythread’s Cuisine.
@196 Ukulele Ike: If a bon vivant like you won’t have white pepper in your kitchen, I won’t feel guilty getting rid of mine.
@199 Guillermo el chiclero: Puddles too. Maybe Tiffany.
@201 Baja Gaijin:
Do you know why pluggers get boners? THEY’RE LOOKING AT YOUR LATE NIGHT CUISINE!
And when they see shrimp and olive eyes THEY EJACULATE ALL OVER THE COMPUTER!
@Baja Gaijin: After looking carefully, I’m surprised it contains white wine.
GT: “Hm? Sure. Extended wistful comments about my ex-wife.” Serving as Gil’s new squeeze is every bit the dream position that I figured it would be.
“Gee, Mark, thanks for messing up our ‘Office Space’ cosplay!”
Luann: Brad wants Toni to be an incubator. Toni wants a child to be devoid on any electronic influence and an obedient automaton.
So, Mass produced M3GANs?
@Baja Gaijin, Luann:: Luckily. Kip and Steff keep using the towel. Unless that towel evolves from primordial ooze.