Crimes against art, and against livestock
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Blondie, 10/9/24
I have to admit that, not being an artist myself, I’m sometimes a little hesitant to criticize comics art, especially when it comes to making sweeping statements about how exactly that art was produced when I realize I don’t have that much insider knowledge. I am, however, reasonably sure that, to create two panels of an open book just kind of sitting on the couch and resting (?) on a person’s thigh, the normal book-reading configuration we all know and love, one or more pieces of clip art may have been involved. It’s too bad, too, because it really distracts from a killer joke where a dad asks his daughter what she’s reading and she tells him but then it turns out she’s lied about it, I guess, and has actually tucked a phone inside her book, the normal phone-using configuration we all know and love.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/9/24
I like Lukey and Snuff’s shock and horror in the second panel and refusal to play along the Sheriff’s jape in the third. Hootin’ Holler may be a notorious haven for criminals of various types, but they draw the line at stealing horses, possibly because it seems very ambitious and who wants to put in that kind of effort.
66 replies to “Crimes against art, and against livestock”
Mary Worth Mashups
BGSS: I thought Spark Plug was a terrible race horse. Or are you telling me the Andrews Sisters lied to me?
Blondie: The original joke had Alexander hiding a comic book in his school reading. Never let it be said that Blondie doesn’t keep up with the times.
DtM: Wilson’s mood sours as he angrily weighs the state of his present existence, playing host to an obnoxious brat, as he reminisces on his curling glory days.
Blondie:
“What’re you reading there, honey?”
“Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. It posits that nothingness is an essential element of human existence.”
“Well, that certainly describes your brother Alexander‘s essential characteristic to a T!”
Blondie If you’re going to just contradict the text and the art for the sake of a punchline, why not go big? Thst last panel could have been “I was actually skydiving!”or “I was actually doing the macarena!” or “I was actually writing a legacy comic, but not putting much effort into it”.
BGSS Please don’t put the term ‘horsejacking’ in your comic. We know what you mean but….just no.
BG & SS:
“There’s a silver linin’ here, boys.”
“Really? What’s that, Sheriff?”
“Compared to Gasoline Alley, our stilted dialogue here seems hip ‘n’ relevant!”
BG&SS: Gotta feel a little bad for those horse thieves. It must be rough trying to find burlap sacks big enough to carry your stolen horses.
JP: After several weeks of stalling, the story finally lurches forward a bit, and it turns out Declan isn’t who he seems to be. Well… that’s what I’d say if we had ever learned anything about Declan prior to this story. Anyway, Declan is revealed to be yet another pathetic loser scumbag character who ends up involved in vague shady stuff and lies to everyone and sucks at everything, as though we haven’t had one or more of those in every Marciuliano Judge Parker story. No, Neddy never had any idea of this despite dating him for years and reading a full CIA-authorized investigative report on his life. No, none of this reconciles the spastic schizophrenic nonsense Declanmom has been yelping for the past two weeks. Yes, the art is still at odds with the story (Declanmom and Hayreddin are implied to be in poor-to-desperate financial shape now, but you’d never know that from their home) and itself (Declanmom has an ashtray but has not lit a single cigarette during this stressful conversation). But at least it’s not just another day of completely empty melodrama.
Luann: Now, if you want a series where nothing ever changes, let’s talk Luann. Long ago when Kip and Stef were introduced, Tiffany had a big crush on Kip but he was dating Stef, though Kip somewhat requited Tiffany’s feelings while demonstrating severe loyalty issues with Stef, but ultimately stuck with her and the story mostly focused on Stef being a megabitch. After years of “developing” this story, Tiffany has a big crush on Kip but he is dating Stef, though Kip somewhat requites Tiffany’s feelings while demonstrating severe loyalty issues with Stef, but ultimately sticks with her and the stories mostly focus on Stef being a megabitch. The more things stay the same, the more they… well, keep doing that.
RMMD: Isn’t it a problem, though? Truck’s guitar playing is half of the theoretically delightful experience of watching him perform, and customers buying tickets or paying cover charges to hear it live will not be happy about being baited and switched on something like that. We know Lou hates “no-shows” and will shriek about them even if they’re present on the stage on time and ultimately fulfill their contract for the night with no inconvenience to Lou himself, so why is Lou okay with this? Come to think of it, Truck pulled a similar stunt at Lou’s Nite Spot in his first ever story when he deceived Lou about his health and played a drastically shortened set of nothing but instrumentals while coughing uncontrollably into the microphone. Why does Lou hate Mud so much while showing favoritism to the all-time king of partial no-shows?
CRANKSHAFT: “And when the cops see the dark grainy footage of the tops of your head, you guys are going to be in big trouble!”
CRANKSHAFT (2): Score! thought Lillian. And to think, I just set up the camera to catch who’s been having sex in our parking lot!* Who knew it pay off so quickly?!
*At which point, Crankshaft discreetly puts his bus keys back into his pocket and whistles innocently while slowly walking away….
Blondie: Cookie was trying to hide the phone from Dagwood, but then she remembered she had to pull it out for the gag.
BGSS: Oh no! The star of the comic has been taken?!? Time to shut the whole operation down.
CS: Building off the past few days where the supposedly terrifying and violent mob listened quietly and patiently to Lillian for an hour or so before calmly and respectfully stating a vague overview of their own position, the evil antagonists are now leaving in an orderly manner without further incident. Truly chilling stuff, though we still have no idea what “point” they think they made because Batiuk won’t allow them to communicate it and has absolutely no idea what story he’s even telling anymore. It also conveniently excuses Batiuk from having to account for how exactly the counter-protest of the weenie gang was supposed to help in any way.
In response, Lillian smugly points out her new
garage exterior lightsurveillance camera, demonstrating that Batiuk has also completely forgotten that this is all taking place on the same night as the fire and Lillian has had no opportunity to procure or install such a device. Also, at no point has anyone called the police, not even the neighbors who should be concerned about the fires and vandalism and opposing battle lines (or at least seriously irritated about this trifling crap going on in the middle of the night when they have work in the morning), but Batiuk seemingly isn’t even aware that such people should exist.If it hasn’t been said yet, I’ll say it now: this isn’t just a terrible story, it is one of the worst stories ever. Everything about this plot is poorly conceived and catastrophically handled, with the message completely mangled in its delivery from the most despicable and hypocritical characters in the combined series. This easily stands in the company of tales like the Pensalfia arc of 9 Chickweed Lane and Judge Duncan of Judge Parker, and, recency bias be damned, I’d say it’s a quarter-inch taller than either of them.
C’shaft: “I’ve changed my mind. Let’s burn the hag.”
Dustin: It’s not fair to reduce Dustdad to his contempt for his son, and by extension of all young people in general. A significant part of his character is devoted to casual misogyny and crippling self-absorption.
GT: Wow, the Politeness Rush is surprisingly effective!
JP: “That’s it? He told you he had a ‘sure investment’ and you just handed over all your money without asking for any details? At least I’m no longer the stupidest person in this plot!”
HotC: Wait, so the kids were auditioned without knowing what songs they would be expected to sing, or even what configuration the duet was going to be in? That must have been frustrating.
Luann: Oh no, please, I do not want to see the Clan Evans take on a throuple.
MW: “Not exactly–unless you’re telling me Ed got reassigned to his current practice after extensive corruption and excessive force charges.”
RMMD: Oh, the suspense! Will Lou refuse to allow Mudgus back into his establishment, after it has been firmly established that he will refuse to allow Mudgus back into his establishment?
SH: Now there’s a philosophical exercise for you: can wine get drunk on itself? (Answer: No, no it can’t. I never said it was a good philosophical exercise.)
CS: Mopey Pete looks to be about 15 years old in that crowd shot.
Frazz: It’s funny when the creator of the strip uses one of his characters to tell you how shitty his strip is.
Luann: Seconds later, a frisbee klonks Tiffany on the head. So…uh…the person that appeared on the roof in panel 3? What are they doing?
CS: Great! So this means they know the identity of the would-be arsonist, who will soon be arrested, right? Surely, Batiuk wouldn’t have forgotten about this aspect of his tightly crafted, Pulitzer-worthy story.
9CL: Seriously, Brooke could draw any of his pair-bonds, and the dialogue could remain completely unchanged. That’s the work of a master, there.
Blondie: Starting to make sense. After 75 odd years, Dagwood as we know him is a ghost. He walks through the wall the couch is pushed up against and just appears out of thin air. Kinda like FC’s ghost grandpa but hungry.
@jroggs: I also think it’s the worst story I’ve ever seen, if only because of the contextual element of Batiuk thinking this is something the Pulitzer Prize committee will jizz their pants over.
@jroggs: Re: Rex Morgan: I’m fairly confident this is how “Metal Machine Music” got made.
MW: Keith approaches Stell with a well-worn sheet of paper. Things come full circle when Ed confesses he has dedicated his life to saving animals when as a youth he shot a cop after robbing a convenience store.
MW: “Yes. Except Jimmy killed undesirable people instead of animals.”
Zits: I unexpectedly called this earlier in the week.
FC: Whack! Whack! Whack! “I said which flavor you cretins! Not which color! If your mother spent less time on her back and with a bottle on her hand, she might be able to teach you something!”
Cookie is right to be on the phone. With so little time you should not even try to skim it, you should be looking for a summary online or ask Chat GPT
@Baja Gaijin: I like the first one best.
Blondie: Slouched posture placing the thorax’s center of gravity behind its support, dramatically lengthened forelimbs, shortened knee-to-ankle span, the ever-present antennae? Dagwood should be less concerned with what Honey’s reading than with his advancing case of insectoidism.
Barney Google gets a cybertruck and nobody ever jacks his vehicle again.
OK but BARNEY in that first panel. The eldritch horror of Barney. Contorted Barney. Barney. is. contorted. The eyes in his head pop ond flash! Be he owl or be he man? Be he bedeviled, or bedeviler be he?
@jroggs: Re: Luann: I think you’re being very unfair to the story. You’re totally dismissing the fresh novel idea the current Kip-Tiffany-Stef love triangle spun off from: which is that Les might totes have a thing for Tiffany! You know Les, the guy that has been relentlessly hitting on Tiffany since high school and even let her freeload in his house for a month because he wanted to get with her. Since this is obviously a new and shocking development (look at how “surprised” the characters are about this totally out-of-the-blue moment: A guy might like a girl? In college??) I take it you are bringing out pen and paper to right your apology to the Evans for ever doubting their ability to bring new plotlines to the table.
@taig: Even if it somehow doesn’t win every literary award there is, at least it’s an eye-opening condemnation directed at the people who hate the adult themes and messaging of Fahrenheit 451 and fear what it could teach their children, despite having no real idea what the book is about. Yep, those specific people are in for a rude awakening.
GT: Apparently Gil was also responsible for the light bill, so they are having to play in a dark stadium lit only by the ref’s flashlight.
I started reading this again when the new artist came on, hoping it might begin to make some sense? Silly me. The first few days seemed to show some detail and care in drawing the characters and actual backgrounds. But it quickly deteriorated into a sloppy mess. Similar to what happened with new Mark Trail, only this was faster.
The bizarre choice to give exclamation marks their own lines in Snuffy Smith made me realize that the comic always puts double spaces before punctuation ! What do they think they are ? FRENCH ?!
Why are Snuffy and Lukey voluntarily walking into the Sheriff’s office? Seems kind out of character to me.
BB – Never seek romantic advice from someone who wants to fuck your girlfriend. (NSFBG).
Blondie: I guess it’s time to upgrade my phone. It doesn’t even have one antenna, let alone three.
BLONDIE: Give Dagwood some slack here. Cookie just pulled that phone out of the ether (it would be completely in his field of vision otherwise, even “hidden” behind a book). You too would look flabbergasted if you realized you suddenly stepped into Bewitched.
Beetle Bailey: Miss Buxley didn’t go to all that trouble dressing up like a frumpy housewife from 1955 in order to go out with a clown.
A big old skeleton key for the jail cell hanging from a bulletin board certainly helps explain all the recidivism in Hootin’ Holler. The sheriff might as well just put the crooks up in his guest bedroom for the night.
@jroggs: Re: Luann
The Stasis Quo is eternal. No character is allowed to evolve or change. If they do, it’s a quick and permanent trip to the island of misfit characters
Pluggers – Reading this comic for years now, I’ve come to recognize certain Plugger characteristics: folksiness, dependence on pharmaceuticals, etc. I did not realize that in order to qualify as a Plugger, at least one of your kids has to be a complete asshole.
@taig: “ 9CL: Seriously, Brooke could draw any of his pair-bonds, and the dialogue could remain completely unchanged. That’s the work of a master, there.”
They meet, they fall instantly and permanently in love, they never argue or disagree, and they spend the rest of their lives in a daze endlessly declaring their love for each other using as many syllables as possible.
MW: Mary tries to find a nice way to explain to Estelle that men would rather work 25/8 than put up with her.
@Weaselboy: Is this one of the most depressing Pluggers ever? This may outrank Rhinoman-hocks-his-TV for pathos. This is truly sad.
FC-That’s so sweet of Grandma letting the kids have some of her “special” lollipops.
Blondie-Cookie is organizing a protest against the book so she doesn’t have to do a report on it.
Crankshaft-Did this camera also capture who set your steps on fire?
Crankshaft-“Police, I want you to arrest these people just for trying to protest and doing nothing else.”
GT-“Big O” and “Ugh” go together like peanut butter and Vaseline.
@Arabella: Don’t worry, next week there will be a strip about “A Plugger loses a lot of things, but never the love of his children.”
Blondie: Based on close examination of all three panels, the only parts of the Cookie/sofa configuration that are changed from panel to panel are the position of her head and hands
SS&BG – Wait, they didn’t hurt L’il Sparky, did they? That beloved place-filler we use when Loweezy has a warsh day, Jughaid and Tater are laid out with ringworm, and Snuffy’s just plain laid out?
MW: Learning Estelle’s dead husband was a cop squared quite a few circles for me.
And that’s all I really have to say about that.
MW: Impressive eye roll by Pierre, who’s thinking, “Here we go again.”
JP: “You mean I shouldn’t have lent him that twenty-thousand from my trust fund?”
Frazz: Let’s say just for argument’s sake that Mrs. Olsen wanted her entire class to stand up there one by one and use the word “polymath” in a sentence. There is no way in hell she would ask them to use the phrase “roly-poly-math” because such a word does not exist. That being said, stupid in this strip is much preferable to smug.
@Old School Allie Cat:
Lil’ Sparky’s fine. In fact, considering this has been a FULL-BLOWN STORYLINE*, I’m guessing this is Lil’ Sparky’s SUPERHERO ORIGIN; when no-good horse rustlers killed his grandpa, he vowed to strike terror in the hearts of that superstitious and cowardly lot!
*(by Snuffy Smith standards, ie Monday Snuffy was seeking Barney Google and told he was at the Sherriff’s office, Tuesday Snuffy was told Barney wasn’t being held in custody for a crime, but was reporting a crime he had been the victim of)
DT: Two days of shadowed, mysterious Dick Tracy and today it is revealed….that it’s plain old Dick Tracy. That’s the stuff, guest writer!
JP: “So, this family has no money? Yikes, that was a close one. Marriage off, by the way, unless you won the Irish Sweepstakes since then.”
Phantom: Yeah, loudspeakers don’t work on the airless Moon surface, either. Tomorrow’s Adventure: Preparing to relate its life story, Avarice settles back into a club chair and lights a cigar.
RMMD: Lou got avant-garde composer JOHN CAGE to gig at his club? Impressive!
H&L: I call shenanigans, no way a small child dumps a beloved stuffed animal. My brother was addicted to his blanket a la Linus. It ended up the size of a small hanky.
CS: This is what happens when writer decides to end a story with his mouthpiece self-righteously proclaiming his own opinion as the correct one, and then tries to write back to the beginning. The story makes zero sense going forward.
Must-see:
Pitcher brings up hitter’s arrest record during trash talk, a breakdown
As Cal Quantrill and Reese McGuire get into an F-U match, Quantrill breaks the stalemate by bringing up the time McGuire was arrested for jacking off in his car.
One of the comments notes that, after McGuire’s arrest, some radio station began referring to him as the Carjacker.
“I knew I shouldn’a let Tater play that Gran’ Thef’ Auto game!”
Blondie – This is definitely a clipart piece where Cookie was reading a book with someone else (possibly a pull from when Harry Potter was all the rage).
BG&SS – This strip is a metaphor for the creators learning that a Chinese T-shirt company run by an AI that scrapes the web for popular things somehow misread the Wikipedia history of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and thought Spark Plug merchandise would be a hit. This is a mistake the syndicate itself has also made.
MW – “That’s right, Mary. That’s the reason I brought up my dead husband to begin with. Way to connect the dots! (Eye roll)
@Baja Gaijin: re MW mashup: Hey, thanks for using an archival shot of Libby and Pierre, so they aren’t *actually* surrounded by those toxic muffins! Anyway, Libby is off today – she’s at the spa, getting a “cleanse” after sitting in Mary’s lap yesterday (shudder) But she handled it like a trouper. As does Pierre today – he doesn’t have to have physical contact with Mary, but instead gets an ear scritch from Estelle. Looks like she stimulated his eye muscles heh heh heh As usual, he steals the scene…
“I was actually on my phone, reading a trenchant essay on the book written by Michael Chabon. I was using this weird papery bookstand I found on that shelf over there. Why do you need so many bookstands?”
@jroggs: What was the “Pensalfia” arc in 9 Chickweed Lane? I don’t recognize that name.
Blondie: A while back my Sister was re-reading the Narnia novels on her phone.
Despite she literally has the entire paperback collection on her shelf.
I have no words for this.
Blondie – Why can’t they be like we were; Perfect in every way; What’s the matter with tits today….
BG&SS – Try that in a small shit hole….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
CS: Well let’s see, if this protest is somehow against the law, then the counter-protest must be as well. Too bad, Mopey, you just got your little band of dipwads busted.
GT: At the sound of Big-O HUT, the quarterback hands both the ball and a number 7 to his running back while the back’s helmet flashes different color patterns. He then magically — and politely — shrugs off five tacklers without the aid of blocking to score the TD.
I suppose we’ll have fun with the inanity of the new artist for a little while longer, but then the fun will inevitably devolve into contempt for her utter lack of effort.
Blondie: I was thinking back to when people used to save progress on computers through a floppy disk.
The floppy disk eventually became (and still is) the universal save icon with computers. Despite the disks themselves went out of style decades ago.
Most younger people don’t even know what the icon is meant to be.
I wonder if that will happen with books, where an image of an open book will be the go-to icon for online book apps, despite physical books possibly eventually being long gone at some point.
That’s actually pretty sad.
@Joshua K.: It was the one about the fake-British fake-German fake-space-alien Polish spy girl who won WW2 by killing a horde of middle-aged and poorly-dressed German spies in London until committing suicide by Luftwaffe, and also Thorax was there cosplaying as Seth. It was very silly. (I call her Pensalfia because McEldowney kept changing the character’s name from Pen Sallywright to Sally Slattern to Zofia Zdkjskahighscrabblescorzjsky and so on.)
@jroggs: And what is the message, really? Not how being part of a free society requires, to a certain extent, the ability to tolerate opinions and perspectives you disagree with. Not how access to a plurality of ideas and viewpoints generates empathy, or how the discussion of controversial or “taboo” issues may help those who are struggling with those issues. No, the message is that Tom Batiuk just knows better. It’s a paean to the circular logic that whatever he believes is right, because if it wasn’t right he wouldn’t believe it. I believe every writer ultimately writes for themselves in the end, but with the exception of Brooke McEldowney I can’t think of any who so thoroughly exclude everyone else from the audience.
@taig:
Luann-JUMP!
Do not say “horsejacking”! This is too close to “jacking off a horse” and the comment section of the Comics Curmudgeon will NOT sanction such low-brow vulgarity!
Snuffy Smith-You might want to check the bad section of Hootin’ Holler. Sparkplug might be found on blocks with his hooves missing.
@Liam: When you said “Bad Section” my mind immediately went to some sort of horse-based red light district. Thank you for not going that direction, except… I just did…
To quote David McCallum as Ducky in N.C.I.S “Nobody had the bad taste to mention such a thing…. until now.”