Cancelled riff Saturday
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Shoe, 1/25/25
I was going to go on a riff here about the circumstances under which a lawyer might have to quickly shift from shoes-off relaxation to professional client acquisition mode, but you know what, I’m going to keep my eyes on the prize here: he’s a bird! He can fly! He should be flying after that ambulance, that’s by far the most efficient way to chase it! C’mon!
Pluggers, 1/25/25
I was going to go on a riff here about how I still think of seat warmers as kind of a luxury feature and it’s interesting to see famously frugal and non-elite pluggers casually using one in place of a heating pad you can get for $15 at CVS, but you know what, I’m going to keep my eyes on the prize here: that’s clearly how you would draw the panel if your original joke was about pluggers farting in their cars and then your editor was like “No, sorry, too gross,” but you were on deadline and you had to figure out how to use the same art for something else.
Bizarro, 1/25/25
Aw, I think it’s cute how sad the ghost on the right looks! I mean, I would be too if I died and found out I still had to “make plans” and “set goals.” Not doing any of that shit would be the #1 best thing about being dead!
148 replies to “Cancelled riff Saturday”
RMMD-Yeah that’s it. Rub your marriage into Summer’s face.
MW-“My parents fought all the time and got divorced.”
FC-The world was a lot more colorful and brighter back then. Black, white, and gray were their brightest colors.
Luann-It’s Chinatown.
There’s no way the original caption wasn’t “Farting in the car is a plugger’s seat warmer.”
RMMD: For the second time in this series, Michelle reminds Summer she’s happily married. I expect to see her screaming “I’m not a lesbian!” sometime next week.
Shoe: The pigeon lobby has convinced the legislature to pass laws requiring all birds to wear shoes outdoors. Thus, successfully thwarting birds of prey from snatching meals on the wing.
If a Plugger farts in a car and no one is around to hear it, does Andy Bear shit in the woods?
CS: This feels like a replacement strip. Tom Batiuk doesn’t stop in the middle of showing off a writer’s cleverness to do a sports joke. But he also knows so little about sports that he would think five days after college football season ended is a good time for a “transfer portal” joke.
Pluggers – Farted. Don’t sell Ms. Bear short. She totally sharted (a true bear market).
JP: The guard takes Ann back to her cell and Randy outside to ‘The Cooler.’ “A few hours in the box will teach you to keep your voice down!”
I’m surprised someone from Needham doesn’t write to Heathcliff.
You’re a Plugger when you use your seat warmers to preheat delicious roadkill.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: In fairy-tales, seeing as Elves make toys and shoes. Maybe we need new “updated, modern” fairy tales. Such as bears make toilet paper and sneak them into people’s homes.
“Hmm… I thought that we finished the last roll.”
Shoe: Now you have me wondering if the bird characters have ever been shown flying.
@Banana Jr. 6000: It originally had Stumpy McBeardo finally just propositioning the twins via made-up headline, but the syndicate nixed it.
@Liam: Especially when Summer wanted to rub something else in the man’s face. HI-YO!!!
Luann: Hey, since when is Luann the worldly-wise bitchy friend who bursts her friend’s balloon?
JP: Okay, I’m betting we get a recap tomorrow and Monday it’ll be a ‘New Adventure!’ We’ll never find out who Ann’s new secret, super understanding husband is or why ‘seeing Dad one more time’ turned into a month’s stay in the basement peeing into a bucket.
Shoe: This entire strip should be renamed “Ill-Fitting Suit.”
@Ken:
Shoe: Now you have me wondering if the bird characters have ever been shown flying.
Yes, and with footwear.
Shoe – Reducing the regulatory burden! I just ride around with them….
Pluggers – The seat warmer – yes, but snorting the oxy probably accounts for most of it….
Bizzaro – Bil Keane’s afterlife coaches are Ida Know and Not Me….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
JP: Okay, I’m betting we get a recap tomorrow and Monday it’ll be a ‘New Adventure!’ We’ll never find out who Ann’s new secret, super understanding husband is or why ‘seeing Dad one more time’ turned into a month’s stay in the basement peeing into a bucket.
It does seem as if the strip can only go so many weeks before it reverts to Fauxpartment 3G again.
Pluggers use the heated seats to keep their fast food French fries hot and crispy.
MW: Jared is finally forced into chivalrous fisticuffs. He is hopelessly outclassed until Jess slips him the shiv that she quietly made under the table.
FC: Can someone check on Jeff Keane? That’s the most half-assed flatscreen he’s drawn in a while.
Shoe: I know it’s pointless to dissect these jokes but are slip-on shoes really new? I feel.like this was a missed opportunity to do a very lame joke about ambulance-tracking apps.
Pluggers Well, I guess it’s better than popping a handful of Oxys and getting behind the wheel, but I’m not totally cinved that Mrs Dog isn’t pursuing more than one treatment.
Shoe (appropriately named): The lawyer is a vulture (aren’t they all?). The only reason he’s chasing down an ambulance is to eat the weakened, vulnerable prey riding inside it.
RMMD: Summer, this sounds like a job for “Ask Wendy.”
GT: Holy cow, what a train wreck this looks like.
JP: You were leaving and you needed to see your Dad one last time? So you lived in his basement for two months? How exactly does that work?
CS: Transfer portal. Good one, Batty! That’s some cutting-edge stuff. On the other hand, at least you know what it is. Barajas would call it the transition port or something equally screwed up.
Luann:
Piro: (loud part) I hope we’ll keep in touch.
(quiet part) I may need a babysitter at extremely short notice.
@MKay: Won’t be necessary, as Dirk’s head appears to have fallen off.
You could write a dissertation about how pluggers cling to their sense of pluggerhood even as they ascend the social ladder to heated car seats, tofu, and long lazy baths in Ocean Isle Beach. You either die a plugger or you live long enough to… no wait, dying is the most pluggery thing these folks are going to do.
JP: Technically, if you used your hands to strangle your brother, you’d be keeping them in plain view.
Phantom: Foo. Even by Phantom standards, that was a nothingburger.
Where do you suppose Neville “Neville Stokes” Stokes came up with the wads of banknotes he’d need to buy a pub on the current London real estate market? Through hard work and the sweat of his brow — loading cases of tins into grocery lorries or shoveling up gnu poop at the Zoological Gardens — or did he just steal a bunch of stuff and sell it?
@MKay: That is a great pissy face on Jared Not the Subway Perv, isn’t it?
Bizarro:
“Nah. I don’t stand a ghost of a chance!”
Yes, and most importantly the Pluggers panel doesn’t make sense because people much much younger than Pluggers use their seat warmers to help alleviate their back pain, right guys?
Guys?
To continue yesterday’s comments riffing —
Bizarro:
Exposition Apparition admonition exhibition.
MW – And Dirk sells cars for a living? This rude, insulting, gaslighting, interrupting, bullying, name-calling, prone to sudden fits of rage, total and complete ass of a human being? I’m thinking he actually got fired for zero sales months ago and that’s why he has plenty of time to go bowling.
@Ken: I remember this, but I think it was in the eighties.
Pluggers:
Lumbago? — display so? Gainsay, though — just say no!
Beetle Bailey: “Chipz” sounds suspiciously like a way to name a product that can’t legally be called potato chips. Also would anyone with an 20 inch TV sit 15 feet across a room to watch it?
Baby Blues; I think the majority of adult tickets sold to children oriented movies are for the chaperones that aren’t very interested in the movie so I would not be surprised if some of them took advantage of the time for a quick nap.
Hi and Lois: I think ringing a bell to summon your family for dinner instead of just telling them would be extremely obnoxious. They are probably sitting in the next room, no wonder this family is so dysfunctional.
Zits: Why are his parents paying for him to go to college? Let him take out student loans that he will ruin him financially for decades.
Family Circus: Curious to know what black and white movie 3 year old Jeffy was watching. I’m hoping it was “Clerks” and his next question is about blowjobs.
MW, panel 3: Dirk screams in pain as Jess boots him in the man region, slaps Jared for not defending her, and leaves. Jared says to Dawn, “want to watch Phantom Menace again?”
@astroboy: I knew a guy who sold used cars, and this is the most accurate character Moy ever created.
Shoe: The forty-seven year prologue is over, and we finally get to hear about the shoes. I’m glad I stuck with it.
Don Abundio, translated:
“How come you’re wearing that sword today?”
“It’s actually just a small dagger in a large scabbard”
“But… People must laugh at you in that ridiculous getup!”
“Only once”
“It’s hard to laugh with a dagger through your windpipe!”
Mother Goose: I think that the costs of providing tools and lumber for every customer to manufacture their own bed would actually cost a lot more than buying some beds or finding them free somewhere. Also it would likely result in other damages to the rooms and after the guest leaves you’d have to deal with removing whatever crappy thing they nailed together.
Unfortunately, the depressed ghost caused Josh to take his eyes off three prize… coulda had the commentary hat trick. I guess that goal will have to wait for a new week.
Bizarro: Turns out Weird Al was wrong: we can’t be mellow even AFTER we’re dead!
Shoe: I’m increasingly convinced that “ambulance chasing lawyer” jokes are a smear campaign designed to disguise the fact that insurance companies are so callous and tight-fisted that you need legal aid to get them to do their one job of providing financial assistance in the event of a sudden calamity.
6Cx: Don’t worry… no Birds were frozen in this episode! Those intrepid Avians are not covered in snow, but in room-temperature hydrating feather conditioner! It rinses out easily and leaves feathers silky-smooth and ready for flight! Thanks to Melody Mare and her Mane ‘n Tail specialty products – not just for Horses anymore!
MW: Anyone missing “Pets Doing Yoga” yet?
MW: Man, Dawn must be some extra kind of horny to be willing to put up with all that $#!+ just to get some. Although we’ve always known that self-awareness and self-respect were never her strong suits.
@Anonymous: Schindler’s List
REX MORGAN M.D.:Michelle: “This just makes me happy that I’m married. Now we don’t have to be interested in each other anymore”
@Ken: They have
@Chance: There’s no way the original caption wasn’t “Farting in the car is a plugger’s seat warmer.”
______________________________________
And their air freshener.
Bizarro: Well, think of it this way. In the Disgaea franchise, sinners who die, their souls are forced into humiliating penguin costumes and have to work off their sins by doing odd jobs/menial tasks for demons or angels. Once they work off their sins, they are allowed to reincarnate to the next life cycle. If ANYONE needs an afterlife coach, its these guys.
@Sheldon Leonard: Pluggers use the heated seats to keep their fast food French fries hot and crispy.
___________________
Genius!
DT: The governor’s there, which means that there would already be police there as well in the form of the state’s executive protection unit. Which means someone could contact them and inform them of the bomb threat so they can immediately respond. But then that would mean Dick Tracy wouldn’t be able to be the hero by racing against the clock and stopping the clock lighting just in the nick of time.
Dustin: Oh, he didn’t miss.
GT: “Matilda’s E-Sports Stream” has to be the most boring name for a Twitch channel ever, but it’s appropriate since “Matilda’s E-Sports Stream” doesn’t seem to contain any actual e-sports, but is just her gabbing with subscribers while the screen is dominated by the channel title.
JP: So, to review: Ann wanted to visit her dad to say goodbye before she and her unnamed husband (we’ll call him “Chet” for now) made for the border. Chet snuck her into town (a process that probably involved just driving into town normally while she put on a pair of sunglasses and slouched real low in the seat) but didn’t hang around, instead leaving Ann to hide out in her dad’s basement for a month or so because sneaking her out of town is apparently impossible. Then April shows up and gives Ann the “you can’t run from the consequences of your actions forever, that’s my job” speech, prompting Ann to turn herself over to the police. Randy decides to be a self-righteous dick to his dad and wants nothing to do with Ann until he overhears Charlotte call her “auntie,” at which point he goes to the prison to be a self-righteous dick to Ann too, because she’s family after all. Meanwhile Chet is, I don’t know, sitting outside of town with the engine running and wondering what’s taking Ann so long, or maybe he got a glimpse of her extended family and realized he didn’t want any part of that particular clusterfluff. Did I miss anything?
MW: Not saying Jess’ ex was in the right or anything, but if she keeps talking like a kindergarten teacher I may want to smack her.
RMMD: “None of them actually seem to be interested in me!” Well, what are you going to talk about? Your latest Netflix binge? How Chunky Monkey pairs well with comedy films, but Cherry Garcia is better for drama? Face it, Summer, you’re not that interesting and these guys can tell.
Pluggers don’t mind taking full advantage of their adult diapers while they’re driving, they actually seem to enjoy it.
Shoe: This comic is so half-assed about it’s conceit that the characters are birds that I’m genuinely curious if this bird lawyer goes to a courtroom of bird people or just a regular-ass human courtroom, with nobody commenting on his size and anthropomorphism.
Pluggers: I’m gonna play devil’s advocate and say this art wasn’t originally a fart joke, but rather hinting that this lady’s car was about to burst into flames. “If your car is such a rickety piece of shit that it’s constantly on the verge of exploding into a fireball, you might be a Plugger.”
In sexually depraved webcomic news, the current (today) episodes of Oglaf and Questionable Content display all of the surreal humor, snappy catchphrasing, and other features that bring us back day after day.
Tee shirts reading Fuck I Love to Mop and Let Her Pee in Your Mouth, Coward available soon on my nonexistent website.
@Hibbleton: Re Shoe: Yes, and with footwear.
Reminding one of the great science fiction writer, Harlan Ellison, who sometimes used the pseudonym Cordwainer Bird, meaning a shoemaker for birds. I believe he reserved that name for work he didn’t want to be associated with.
Pluggers: What about Martin Spielmann, of Needham, Massachusetts? How does he feel about having his (no doubt) original, hilarious gag tampered with this way? Talk about someone who needs a pseudonym!
PLUGGERS: I was going to say the original caption was that that steam wasn’t a fart, but a Telsa that malfunctioned and was going to roast this dog-woman alive, until I realized that there is no way a Plugger would ever drive a hybrid (even one made by…er…”Plugger-panderer” Elon Musk.)
Rex Morgan – This is all making me very happy that I’m married! I don’t have to spend my time eating ice cream and watching movies, and I don’t have to deal with going on dates with a bunch of losers. I have a strong, hunky husband who has his own successful restaurant, and we get along great. If we had a kid, we have to incomes, and I wouldn’t have to support and raise it on my own.
Michelle and Dirk are having a competition to see who can be the worse asshole. It looks like Dirk is slightly ahead, seeing as how Jared is going to punch him in the face any minute. Michelle is just making Summer feel depressed, with no suggestion of violent anger.
Mary Worth – Time for someone to say, “What the fuck is your problem? Are you always this much of an asshole?”
I still can’t figure out how Mary will meddle this.
Frazz – Of course, if they were in North Dakota Frazz would still be outside running. He wouldn’t let below zero temperatures interfere with his running smugfest.
Andertoons – It’s surprising that Caulfield hasn’t tried this. He’s too busy putting off completing his assignments.
Speed Bump – More ghosts.
9CL – Seriously, someone should do a wellness check on Brooke. The artwork in the second panel is abominable.
@I speak Jive: Rex Morgan – TWO incomes.
@White Rabbit: In the age of Hal 9000 and GlaDOS everyone overlooks the absolute horror and sadistic-ness of the supercomputer AM.
Plugger lady has approximately 39 seconds before she realises that her electrically heated seat just short circuited and is on fire.
Is Baka Gaijin sticking to a New Year’s resolution to quit the Comics Curmudgeon? I wouldn’t blame him, naturally, since I’ve reduced my own interactions with this site by 90%, but I hope he’s fine.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@Ukranazi Stepan: He didn’t make an announcement, but I know he’s taken breaks before. I hope he’s fine.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever noticed any before or if they just wanted to establish they exist for the purpose of the joke, but this is first time I’ve noticed anyone being depicted wearing a shoe in Shoe. Now I want to see Shoe himself wearing one. Not a complete pair, because don’t be silly, his name’s not “Shoes”. Too bad it only exists in reruns now, because I’d also like to see Crock wearing Crocs.
@65 Tabby Lavalamp:
Check out Shoe’s feet.
He’s called “Shoe” because the cigar smoking purple martin’s name is P. Martin “Shoe” Shoemaker.
P: My first impression was that the seat warmer dried out her soaked Depends pad and the yellowish steam emanating from the back of her seat was vaporized urine. Not that I would know anything about that. I don’t have car seat warmers.
@Sequitur: The family name was “Schumacher” until 1917 when great-grandfather Karl was hanged from a lamppost in downtown Eau Claire. The family sauerkraut company immediately turned over to the production and canning of liberty cabbage.
@Tabby Lavalamp: #65
…and anyone in 9CL wearing Uggs because they are …well, just plain ugly people and I don’t necessarily mean outwardly…
@Sequitur: P. Martin “Shoe” Shoemaker.
The P is for Purple! I just got that after all this time, thanks for clearing that up for me. How many other jokes are lurking in this strip that I didn’t get? Not many, I bet.
@I speak Jive: re MW: “How Mary will meddle this”
I believe someone has predicted that Mary and Jared will conveniently have lunch together in the hospital cafeteria. Jared will get Mary on the case when he whines about how poor Dawn is being bullied by Dirk, but he doesn’t want to get “involved.” Mary has no such qualms, and will invite Dawn over for a muffin meddle, or better yet, invite Dawn to come to dinner and bring her new young man along. WWMD when Dirk starts his usual asshole behavior? Or will he pull an Eddie Haskell?
Bizarro – It’s interesting that when you die, you’re issued a Halloween- style ghost costume, presumably to avoid any confusion when you’re haunting family members who might think you didn’t actually die when you show up wearing the golf shirt and khakis you had on when you actually died.
@Tabby Lavalamp: I’d also like to see Crock wearing Crocs.
And let’s see Larry the Croc wearing Crocs too.
YEARS back there was a riffing by Josh on a comic that I can’t remember the name of.
The “joke” was that a guy was dressed up as a fire hydrant (for only Lord knows) and a dog peed on him.
Josh said that “This may be the very first time that we’ve seen literal urine on the comics page, honestly I suspected that Marvin would be the culprit.”
I couldn’t remember the name of that comic and couldn’t find it either, using every keyword that I seem to recall Josh using in the archives search.
Although looking through various archives I did find some nostalgic comics, such as the very second appearance of Cassandra Cat in Slylock. Among other things.
Bizarro: This reminds me of “The Good Place,” the recent sitcom about everyone ending up in the afterlife with their minds and personalities intact. The ones who made it to heaven eventually became dull and listless, because their endless existence was purely hedonistic, with no real purpose. So, yes, someone who pushed you to make plans and set goals would be very helpful there! (And maybe not going through eternity in a bed-sheet “ghost” outfit would probably make things better, too.)
Shoe: How many lawyers actually do personal-injury work? That seems like a relatively difficult area of practice — if you were a smart attorney with low morals, I bet there would be much easier ways to get rich than chasing ambulances. (But this bird-lawyer has an exceptionally tiny head compared to his body, so maybe “smart” doesn’t figure into it.)
Pluggers: My car’s heating system doesn’t actually work at all — according to my mechanic, it’s because the little flap that lets in natural heat from the engine won’t open. And it would cost at least $1,000 to fix! Which seems ridiculous, so I’ve left it broken — and if that makes me seem like a plugger, so be it. (Of course, if I were a plugger, my full-body fur or feathers would provide plenty of warmth, so it really isn’t a fair comparison.)
Dennis the Menace: How would a necktie give you “whiplash”? Wait, I get it — Henry knows Dennis loves making a racket with drums, so he’s going to get the abusive jazz-band teacher played by J.K. Simmons to knock him into shape.
@Bob Tice: #34
Um, Mr T, just how strong is your morning coffee?
@Myrtle: Yes, that makes perfect sense. Jared will be the hero by getting Mary involved. However, I wonder what Mary’s specific advice will be. Mary ‘s past history leans heavily on women accepting the men in their lives regardless of how they behave. On the contrary, this is special girl Dawn, and this guy makes Wilbur look like a saint.
Don’t stand for his bullying? Learn to appreciate his endearing quirks? Adopt a dog?
@Ukranazi Stepan: #62
My feelings too. I don’t know where he lives but my first thought was I hope he wasn’t in the fire-ravaged parts of LA. I hope he’s doing okay regardless.
@TheDiva: On JP: You missed the pleasant but tasty meal at the diner where Detective Yelich violated any number of laws by divulging details of the apparently airtight case against Ann to Randy while simultaneously explaining absolutely nothing to the reader and somehow being totally unaware that Ann is now married.
Pluggers: Time to put the dog down. Nice glasses, lady!
@2+2=7: PLUGGERS: I was going to say the original caption was that that steam wasn’t a fart, but a Telsa that malfunctioned and was going to roast this dog-woman alive, until I realized that there is no way a Plugger would ever drive a hybrid (even one made by…er…”Plugger-panderer” Elon Musk.)
OTOH it WOULD be more than a little pluggerish to believe that Elon Musk’s company manufactures hybrids.
Pluggers: When a plugger presses down on the gas pedal, no telling what kind of gas gets emitted.
Bizarro: Things your afterlife coach may tell you:
“Just think positive! You’re positively dead.”
“The only limit is the one you set for yourself. Doors and walls are no longer a problem!”
“You’ve got this! Well, you don’t got a body anymore, but you’ve got, uh, whatever this is.”
“Take a leap of faith. That’s why you’re a ghost instead of living in heaven. Get some faith.”
“You need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Turn that sheet inside out. Kinky, huh?”
“The universe is conspiring in your favor. Well, to the extent you’re even part of it anymore.”
“Everything happens for a reason. For example dumbasses crossing a street have this happen.”
“Visualize your success. Even though it’s transparent now, same as you.”
“No one’s stopping you but yourself! See, you can fly right through me.”
“You are the architect of your own destiny. Except your career as a literal architect. That’s over.”
MW: Whatever that prison guard is being paid, it’s not enough.
Pluggers:
—And a tip o’ the hat to Martin “Gassy” Spielmann of Needham, Mass
@Poteet: Whoops, that comment was meant for JP, of course. But if Dirk ends up in prison after slugging Dawn, the same will apply.
@73 White Rabbit:
Will you accept a mashup I did in 2009?
@Just John: I like them all, but I like #9 best.
@Giant Pondering Otter: #48: They used to fly a lot in the strip’s early days. I remember one where Shoe and Cosmo were flying from hole to hole while playing golf. The thing is they haven’t been shown flying in probably 20-30 years so any newer reader would assume they’re flightless birds.
Pluggers: I guess a heated car seat would be good for keeping your takeout pizza warm on the way home.
@Daisy:
Hey, you started it! :-)
Shoe: ambulance chase = attorney gurney journey
@The Quiet Man: When Dashiell Hammett worked as a Pinkerton op after WWI, he once received a description of a suspect in detail down to the small mole on the side of his neck. It didn’t mention that the guy was missing an arm.
@Ukulele Ike:
Medical privacy laws even back then were strict.
Pearls Before Swine: I just figured it out. Bob Tice is actually Stephan Pastis.
Lalo Y Lola Spanish to English.
@Ken: Yes, of course – Loon, several times I can recall. I don’t think, however, that a bare bird foot has ever been depicted; that would be off-brand, given the name of the strip.
@Guillermo el chiclero: re Shoe: They may have stopped flying about the time the comic became a vaudeville style daily two-line “joke.” In earlier days it was actually funny, with some continuous storylines like Skyler getting on the boot camp bus instead of the bus to summer camp.
I read it for years in my daily newspaper, but was barely skimming it in the later years that I actually got the paper. One day I noticed a new comic appearing on the page, but the format and spacing were still the same, so something had been dropped. I had to dig out a paper from the previous week to figure out what had been cut. Shoe was gone, and not even missed.
Happy Saturday
6CHX:. I know those birds but have forgotten their name. Nuthatch?
TG:. Controlling parents do not end at death. Monica is perfectly free to make reservations elsewhere. Pay in advance so s.ibs follow your wishes.
MANDRAKE:. New super… hero or villain?
@Ukranazi Stepan:
#62. I miss Baja and his Japanese contributions too. I’m hoping he’s just busy having a real life.
Pluggers: “Wait, did I crap in the backseat again? Ah, I’ll just hose it down when I get home.”
Shoe: Right, like Biz is going to spill actual professional secrets to a journalist, even a plainly mediocre one.
C-Shaft: At least Emily isn’t writing a headline about it—that we know of—so be grateful for small mercies.
Curtis: Curtis laughs at Barry’s quip before trying to kick his ass for it. It’s a very Tommy DeVito move.
DT: Good thing for the Governor that the clocktower is packed with a highly lethal explosive. Fewer people will remember how bad his jokes bombed.
Dustin: Pac-Man is spitting out his food again. Also Hayden is testing the waters as to whether spanking is really a thing of the past.
GT: Congratulations to Marty’s daughter on having one of Cthulhu’s favorite sports podcasts. At such a young age, too.
JP: “Requesting backup. We’ve got a yuppie hissy fit situation developing here.”
Luann: Haven’t kept up with the romance genre, but do a lot of the heroes have dumbass emo hair now? I wouldn’t be surprised.
RMMD: Michelle’s major league gloating probably makes it tempting for Summer to smack her around, but Michelle must have learned all sorts of hand-to-hand combat techniques in the army, so I don’t think it would go Summer’s way.
Pearls Before Swine Spanish to English.
RMMD: Maybe Michelle’s heavy-handed humblebragging about her happy marriage is … foreshadowing some tragedy coming her way? I have her in the dead pool. Nothing personal, Michelle. It’s all business.
@Anonymous:
Was that crazy astronaut lady who drove across the country wearing a diaper to kill the woman her husband had been cheating with a Plugger?
@Anonymous: No, a Plugger would not show such careful planning and intent to make the cross-country trip as efficiently as possible. A Plugger would map out the best rest stops along the way, figuring in ones with the best snack vendos.
This time Elmo has a dilemma.
@Sequitur:
That bad, huh?
@107 Bob Tice:
Not bad, let’s go with creative.
@Sequitur:
I like that better!
@76 Daisy:
“I pity the fool!”
H&L– Just grabbing the seat at the head of the table? Thirsty is done pretending about his true position in the Flagston household.
Phantom: Pretty lame story. Just a night out at the pub with metrosexual and cross dressing skull mark recipients.
@Activist: re: TG: In a strip filled with unappealing characters, Monica is easily the most offputting. Considering she washes out her pantyhose in the restaurant’s stock pots, I would NEVER ask what a letter from her mother said. “Monica, Granny’s and Aunt Griselda’s and Uncle Sven’s and my underpants are gettin’ awful stinky…can you throw them in with your pantyhose?”
@Myrtle: No, a Plugger would not show such careful planning and intent to make the cross-country trip as efficiently as possible. A Plugger would map out the best rest stops along the way, figuring in ones with the best snack vendos.
_________________________________
Don’t forget the pee stops.
@Myrtle: Ohmigod! Summer’s next Mystery Date is Jordan Like the Country!
”I can’t take any more of this exotic jungle sex…she MOVES along with me while I’m moving….I need a boring vanilla ponytail girl who’ll just lay back and think of America while I plunge into her. Watch teevee over my shoulder; you can pick the channel.”
MW: to be fair to Dirk the Dick there’s no way he has a friend and no woman with a brain would go on a second date with him. Clearly Dawn is brainless and boy is D the D going to abuse her for that
Bizarro: So apparently the Maigritte pipe can be lost for the sake of creating an “empty void” effect, but the eyeball and the flying saucer are inviolate. Okay, then.
FC: How can you be dumb enough not to notice that everything in old films is black and white, not just clothes, but smart enough to even figure out the context that says it’s an old film?
Better punchline: “Dolly’s watching a movie with fifty shades of grey.”
FG: Is it just me or is there something a bit uncomfortable about Flash putting Bok on “Team Earth”?
MW: Hey, it’s just occurred to me: remember when Nice Guy Jarod decided he had a duty to tell Dawn the truth about Dr Of Course I’m Divorced, Just Don’t Tell My Wife, not because he wanted to have sex with her himself (which he did) but because it was the Right Thing To Do? Now it turns out the Right Thing To Do in this situation is to keep schtum so she won’t think he’s jealous, even though he probably actually isn’t this time. Funny, that.
Phantom: I realise “Next: New adventure!” is the standard way of ending a Phantom story, but it rather presupposes that the previous story itself qualified as “an adventure”.
RMMD: “But enough about me, do you have any hobbies, Summer?”
“Nope!”
“Oh. Okay, then. Um, you work in a medical clinic, what’s that like?”
“Incredibly boring.”
“Right. Ah … did you say you had a daughter?”
“Yeah, but I’m dating to take my mind off my empty nest syndrome, thanks.”
“…I hate to say it, but I think maybe we should go back to talking about me.”
Shoe: Do lawyers really expect to be addressed as “Counselor” in casual conversation at a diner? I feel like this started out as “Hey, Steve, what’s new in the lawyer biz?” and then the creators thought “Wait, is it clear enough that the reason the Perfessor is asking this guy what’s new in the lawyer biz is because he’s actually a lawyer?”
S4th: I like that this strip of Duncan being Dramatic Shadows-level concerned that his and Hil’s graphic novel is taking so long to write immediately follows Ted announcing to them that he’s finally written the dedication to his novel. “Are … are we turning into your dad? Please tell me we’re not turning into your dad.”
@Horace Broon: RMMD: Nailed it.
Ghost On The Right: “But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!”
Shoe – I prefer to think of this counselor being annoyed by being pestered by a reporter, but instead of being a boring complainer, he creates a bad joke to annoy Perfesser in equal measure. He didn’t get to his level of lawyering by letting the opposition trigger him into unthought out reactions.
Pluggers – The only “heat” this Plugger has was when she got medium-heat sauce from Taco Bell that didn’t agree with her bowels.
Pluggers editors might not be a fan of Josh, but to their credit, they will never sink to Marvin levels.
Bizarro – Don’t most ghosts become ghosts because of unfinished business? The people who achieved everything either achieve Heaven/Nirvana. Depending on the ghost’s life, reincarnation could be good or bad, but being a ghost at least keeps you in familiar settings to fix whatever you need done in order to ascend to whatever is in the hereafter.
Shoe: Do lawyers really expect to be addressed as “Counselor” in casual conversation at a diner?
Speaking as a lawyer, I don’t expect it but I have friends who will greet me with it as sort of a “nickname.”
Of course, there’s the old lawyer joke that “counselor” is what the judge calls you when he really wants to say “asshole,” but doesn’t want it in the record.
@Bob Tice: #91
Mic drop! \0/
MW: They got the dialogue that was intended for Gil Thorpe. Regardless, Jess is so crushed that she pulls her concealed carry 9.6-Ounce Ruger LCP. Good girl, Jess.
@121 Stephen M. Dallas, Esq.:
How’s Opus doing?
@Sequitur: #94
I knew it!!!!
PUN FUN STUNS IN DRY RUN!
@Horace Broon: Now there are two comics characters who consider watching television in an unfamiliar pub to be an adventure, the original of course being Andy Capp.
@126 Artist formerly known as Ben:
I just realized that a spoonerism of Andy Capp would be a good name for a character who uses her phone all the time. Candy App.
@A Grave Mind: Ghost On The Right: “But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!”
Doctor: “My prescription is simple. Go see Chuckles the Clown. He’ll cheer you right up.”
Man: “Chuckles? Him? What about Pagliacci?”
Doctor: “Pagliacci? No,no. Anyone but him.”
Man:
Doctor: “I could not name a worse entertainer.”
Man:
Doctor: “I mean, just a terrible, terrible clown.”
@Sequitur: I imagine Candy App would be his female alternate-self from another dimension.
@129 Giant Pondering Otter:
And like everything else in that dimension she would be the opposite of Andy Capp. She would be friendly to everyone, never take advantage of them, work as a candy stripper at the local hospital, offer free advice, bake muffins for her friends… OMG! She’s Mary Worth!
Pluggers have fond memories of the chips made with olestra in the mid 1990s.
“That’s clearly how you would draw the panel if your original joke was about pluggers farting in their cars.”
Can attest, had the exact same thought.
@FB3V:
H&L– Just grabbing the seat at the head of the table? Thirsty is done pretending about his true position in the Flagston household.
Good point. Lois has been drunk only four times in her entire life, and . . . well, the rooster comes home to roost as it were.
@133 Cleveland Mocks:
Maybe drunk only three times. Two of the kids are twins.
MW: To be fair, Jared and whatsherface are losers.
@Sequitur: What Choo Talkin’ ‘bout, Willis!
@Lord Flatulence: “The Pee Stops Here.”
Presidential Slogan for the New Millennium
@Sequitur: I am nostalgic for my second-favourite Robot Chicken sketch, where Mr. T recruits the band The Foo Fighters to help him fight Foo’s.
@Giant Pondering Otter: I am nostalgic for my second-favourite Robot Chicken sketch, where Mr. T recruits the band The Foo Fighters to help him fight Foo’s.
Pitiful.
@Poteet: He’s happy to have this plum assignment considering that his previous job at Gravelines in fascist Rhodia came to such an ignominious end.
@139 The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers:
Whenever the Foo Fighters were on The David Letterman Show, Dave would remind the viewers that those brave boys were out there fighting Foo for us.
@141 Sequitur:
Actually, that comment was meant for @138 Giant Pondering Otter: but you can have it too.
@Sequitur: Whenever the Foo Fighters were on The David Letterman Show, Dave would remind the viewers that those brave boys were out there fighting Foo for us.
So then they’re the ones to be pitied, you’re saying? We sometimes get confused.
@Sequitur:
Maybe drunk only three times. Two of the kids are twins.
Excellent fact check, my man. I respect that.
So as a face-saving move, I’ll mumble something about maybe the night Hi proposed to her with a $35-dollar ring.
@144 Cleveland Mocks:
Whenever she got drunk she received the booze from Thirsty.
@Sequitur: 145
And she provided the cooze to Thirsty.
@richardf8: I’ll take your word for that, and it must have been really ignominious.
HtH: I’m aware of the Medieval Warm Period, but … Svalbard?