Metapost: Safe and sound COTW
Post Content
Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A couple of you have inquired about the whereabouts and health of longtime faithful reader and poster of Shadow COTWs Baja Gaijin, who hasn’t posted the Shadow COTWs in a while. Just wanted to pass on that I emailed with him and he’s OK! He just hasn’t been keeping up with the strips and didn’t feel up to doing the SCOTWs lately, is all. So have no fear!
But do have amusement, as you roll into this week’s top comment!
“In a normal family, that’s the sort of puzzle that parents would watch their young kid try to solve, helping from time to time as needed. In the weird hellscape of Marvinville, shit-machine babies are highly verbal and grammatical, and the (presumably) potty-trained parents are losing their grip on what shreds of rationality remain to them, to the point where even a child’s puzzle is a challenge for them. Marvin appears to be sucking their intelligence away from them and taking it for himself (though not the toilet-training parts of it). This is The Portrait of Dorian Gray, as reimagined by H.P. Lovecraft.” –Dmsilev
And your very funny runners up!
“Ten years ago, Wilbur was getting scammed by a fake girlfriend from Colombia. But now that job went to a white American from the free enterprise state of Florida! Tariffs work!” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky
“Sunbeam really needs to give some love to the adults in Hi and Lois. He visits Trixie nearly every day, but this is the first time Lois and her friend have seen him in months.” –Anonymous
“It’s pretty harsh for Wilbur to thought-balloon that Dawn is like him, but I guess they did both get brutally rejected by her mom off-panel.” –matt w
“When I was young, my mother would take leftovers and feed them into a portable grinder that clamped to the edge of a table, and sometimes we kids would get to turn the handle to produce that delicious, delicious ham salad. Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, let’s talk about how modern comic strips are created.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Every time I close my eyes I have a vision of being cast into am infinite black void with this guy who looks like … Um, maybe I will take that pill…” –But What Do I Know?
“Fifty years from now at the bar, Young Tommy will still be called Young Tommy when he finally keels over from the strain of the many years of drinking and dies at 75. Younger Tommy will feel a moment of hope until he realizes his fate.” –Voshkod
“So I threw a massive tantrum and smashed the machine. Relatedly, I’m banned from that restaurant now. And also going viral on YouTube as ‘Male Karen gets owned in McDonalds’. This is a pretty shit day to be honest.” –ectojazzmage
“I guess the good thing about being Andy Capp’s bartender is that you can insult him constantly, without ever losing his business. What’s he going to do, not come into the pub every evening and drink pint after pint of dark ale until he can barely walk home? Nope, just pour him another one and throw up more zingers, and you’ll be fine.” –BigTed
“For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.” –Schroduck
“I guess now that Gil has found someone to spout the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.” –2+2=7
“The following day, Gertie was bit by a raccoon and contracted a rare combination of rabies and flesh-eating bacteria. She was mourned by no-one.” –pugfuggly
“The thing is, Thirsty isn’t GOING to the first ballgame. He traditionally spends opening day sitting in the living room recliner and drinking heavily.” –Ukulele Ike
“I will give Gertie this: unlike Gen Z, she has no fear of picking up the phone and voicing her complaints to the subject of her ire, rather than @ing them on social media in an attempt to get them canceled. Gen Z couldn’t order a pizza over the phone, while Gertie will threaten a goddess with arrest.” –Philip
“I’m gonna get a chair with my name on the side. I’ve had it with anthropomorphized concepts getting all the cool swag, why shouldn’t I have a sweet ‘Dan’ barcalounger? I work hard.” –Dan
“[Sigh] Another fan service strip for its target audience: tapeworms.” –Hibbleton
“‘Why are there so many reality shows about housewives, a sexist term that was considered insulting and outdated as far back as the 1970s?’ ‘Quit yappin’ and rustle up my dinner, Blondie!’” –Peanut Gallery
“‘YOU CANNOT … *GAZE* … UPON ME AND REMAIN … *SANE*’ the Dagwood had told her once. So she had turned her chair away from him. Sometimes, a ‘tendril’ would reach out and take her hand … It wasn’t love … the Dagwood was not capable of emotions like we are. Perhaps a promise that when the rest of the universe had been devoured, he would finally put her out of her misery and eat her last.” –Old Man Shadow
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55 replies to “Metapost: Safe and sound COTW”
Thanks for the news about Baja Gaijin, Josh! If you happen to see this, Baja, thank you so much for all your great past Shadow lists, and hope you are now enjoying life with or without comics perusal.
Thanks, Josh, for the Baja Gaijin news update!
Thanks, Josh — glad to hear that Baja is doing well! He clearly put a lot of time into those excellent shadow COTWs (as is Scratchy), so it’s not surprising that he couldn’t keep it up indefinitely. Hope he’s enjoying his Friday mornings!
Glad to hear Baka is fine, and hope he’s clown free.
Woohoo!
Though I do sort of feel dirty that it comes on a Marvin-based comment.
I haven’t visited Mary or Rex in quite a while. Thanks for all your hard work, Baja!
Yay! Baja’s still alive.
Thanks Josh for the comments and the Baja news, and thanks Scratchy, and Voshkudos to Dmsilev, Ettore Costa (on BlueSky), I’m Not Cthulhu (But I Play Him On TV), Philip, and Old Man Shadow.
Good to hear Baja is safe and sound, but simply not at the best effort level to post here.
Maybe I’ll learn to stop when inspiration no longer str—ahh, who am I kidding? I spend each morning perusing legacy comics, and there are side effects.
Yay! The SCARYEVILCLOWNS didn’t get Baja!
(or is that EVILSCARYCLOWNS?)
Thanks for the Baja update.
Congratulations to all – including the shadow shadow floaters or whatever – and in celebration of Baja (nee Baka), and of late-night recipes, feast on these scrotes:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
March 22nd, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
MW: Quick! Notify The Vatican! We need a sainthood rushed through for a man who’s going to eat tofu for his daughter!
Lauralot
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
MW: Wilbur is a martyr and his suffering is equivalent to Christ’s, everyone.
Also I looked at menu for La Rosa in Santa Rosa, California and found four apparently vegan dishes and several more that could be made vegan just by asking for no cheese or sour cream.
CanuckDownSouth
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:56 am Reply
MW: And to top off the for-once-considering-his-child’s-restaurant-preference smugness, Dawn’s been trying to be vegan for months and it’s just “a kick” to the Father of the Year
astroboy
March 22nd, 2025 at 6:09 am Reply
MW: I can’t think of a plausible reason why Belle would land and then head straight to Karaoke, so it looks like she’ll turn up at My Thai instead. Haranguing the manager when Wilbur and Dawn walk in, no doubt.
taig
March 22nd, 2025 at 7:33 am Reply
MW: Wilbur manages to clear the very low bar set by Dirk. Good job.
Needless Exposition
March 22nd, 2025 at 9:13 am Reply
No, really, I love the fact that Wilbur thinks that not going to his preferred restaurant makes him Father of the Year while still downplaying Dawn’s dietary choices. And yet Dawn’s still acting like he’s such a great dad because he doesn’t make her finish school and get a job. Then again, Wilbur barely does his own job and gets paid ridiculous amounts of money so that he can take expensive trips and pay for his daughter to party and get laid instead of getting that liberal arts degree.
Wil
March 22nd, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
MW: the backwards hanger annoys me. That is all.
matt w
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:36 am Reply
Today we learn that Hi and Lois is set in Australia, because I don’t know how else they’re sweeping up fallen leaves in March.
pugfuggly
March 22nd, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
H&L: It’s funny because spring cleaning is typically refers to cleaning the inside of the house, not the yard? I give these legacy strips a pass when it comes to technology and popular culture, but come on guys! Traditional domestic shit is supposed to be right up your alley!
JP: I like how Sophie looks mildly shocked in that first panel. “He thinks I’m into charity work? Sure, as a front to gain access to secure areas for assassination purposes, but helping people? Ew.”
Hibbleton
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:30 am Reply
JP: “There are grifts and then there are grifts, but a charity grift is the best grift of all. Welcome to the family!”
Professor Well Actually
March 22nd, 2025 at 6:39 am Reply
JP; will Sophie have a desk over which she can be comfortably bent?
Voshkod
March 22nd, 2025 at 6:41 am Reply
“I need to tell you a few things. Our charitable foundation is big on animal cruelty and slavery issues. In fact, we’re their biggest funders! Our combination kill shelters/labor camps are very popular.”
TheDiva
March 22nd, 2025 at 8:08 am Reply
JP: “Like all philanthropy done by billionaires and mega-corporations, our charities are little more than PR campaigns designed to create a veneer of empathy by offering limited short-term solutions to problems we could solve entirely if we devoted our resources to them rather than collecting yachts. That’s not a problem, is it?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Beatric BoguskySequiturMarch 22nd, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
“He’s supposed to write all he knows about sex.”
ValdVin
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:13 am Reply
Pluggers today is a meta-joke about Pluggers taking any excuse to not eat salad.
Cleveland Mocks
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:45 am Reply
RMMD: DOLT! She dealt you a free cop-a-feel card, and you threw it away! What kind of man are you?
Professor Well Actually
March 22nd, 2025 at 5:52 am Reply
RMMD: will Augie be embarrassed to be caught wanking?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 22nd, 2025 at 11:52 am Reply
FC: Dolly is just psyched that there’s a guest in the Keane house somehow even less tactful than she is.
taig
March 22nd, 2025 at 7:27 am Reply
CS: Keep beloved author, Madeline L’Engle, out of your filthy mouth!
9CL: Come for the Brahms, stay for the beaver show.
Ukulele Ike
March 22nd, 2025 at 8:21 am Reply
@taig: “9CL: Come for the Brahms, stay for the beaver show.”
Mr. Jones: “So, Smith, how was the Brahms?”
Mr. Smith: “What Brahms?”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
March 22nd, 2025 at 8:32 am Reply
@Ukulele Ike: @taig: It’s Prokofiev, so probably “Peter and the Beaver.” Does lend weight to my theory that they’re not actually giving classical musical recitals, they’re performing burlesque shows for perverted snobs.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BigTed
March 23rd, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
Luann: A vintage Life magazine with Marilyn Monroe on the cover can be sold for hundreds of dollars, depending on the condition. Still, it’s not worth as much as the first issue of Playboy — with Marilyn on the cover and nude on the inside — but I’m guessing Mrs. Horner (get it?) has been keeping that one under her mattress for more than half a decade, and the condition isn’t saleable at all.
Victor Smith
March 23rd, 2025 at 10:17 am Reply
Mrs. Horner “OK Phil, thank you, that’s all. You and Luann can go fuck in my bedroom.”
Bob Tice
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:04 am Reply
Luann:
“A proscription of a prescription with this description would give you a conniption!”
“Orderly, get this Luann person out of here!”
pugfuggly
March 23rd, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
Luann: Hey, quick tip, Luann: usually you let people make their own self-deprecating jokes. Otherwise, it’s jsut, you know, deprecating.
Hibbleton
March 23rd, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
You know you’re a Plugger when prescriptions replace subscriptions. —Stay in your lane, Evans.
Banana Jr. 6000
March 23rd, 2025 at 6:16 am Reply
Pluggers: Pluggers wear Hawaiian shirts to hide stains, even though Hawaiian shirts make you look even fatter than you already are.
Arabella
March 23rd, 2025 at 8:04 am Reply
Pluggers: More ups and downs in the life of Carl Rhinowski. Last time he was so poor he had to wear his old work shirts with his name on them, even though he was retired. But now he can afford a spiffy Hawaiian tourist shirt! And from the look of the background scene, he’s taking a Hawaiian vacation! Or maybe those “mountains” are the Pluggerville landfill.
I do appreciate that the Sunday Pluggers even has background detail. The weekday version is usually a nightmarish Plugger closeup in a blank void.
Guillermo el chiclero
March 23rd, 2025 at 10:31 am Reply
Pluggers: Bluto Blutowski of Animal House fame wore Hawaiian shirts for that exact reason. Does that make him an early proto-plugger?
I speak Jive
March 23rd, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
Pluggers – I hope that Rhino Man never has dinner with Dirk Whatshisname.
Where’s Rocky?
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:12 am Reply
MW. Wilbur has a diverse shoe collection to compensate for the fact his huge gut means he normally can’t see his feet. It’s the same reason he collects a wide variety of condoms.
The Rambling Otter
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:40 am Reply
MW: Wilbur will find some way to alienate her before this arc ends and have her leave town like a bat out of hell.
She may be a Wilbur-obsessed weirdo but she is definitely not broken-in to the sick ennui that plagues the rest of the cast.
Schroduck
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:43 am Reply
MW: Too many comics these days don’t put in the effort, so I’m sincerely – sincerely – glad that Brigman took the time to draw both Wilbur’s Converse and his embroidered cowboy boots.
nescio
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:51 am Reply
MW: I’d like to think that the narrator got so bored by Wilbur’s shoe choosing antics that they couldn’t help but yell “Ding Dong!” at him in the antepenultimate panel.
Tonio
March 23rd, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
MW: Oh no, Belle is really Kate Gosselin! Run for your life, Wilbur, before she holds you hostage for her reality show nightmare, making you impregnate her over and over until you have no life left in you.
Little Blue Bicycle
March 23rd, 2025 at 7:07 am Reply
MW: “So many shoes to choose from. A pair I stole from each of the women I stalked. Iris loved these Ugg’s. That South American grifter and her line dancing boots. Estelle’s loafers. The woman I killed back east was wearing these Chuck Taylor’s. And of course Belle will never miss these Birkenstocks. Which of you will I choose today? Or should I get out Mary’s sensible pumps?”
taig
March 23rd, 2025 at 7:57 am Reply
MW: Wilbur is caught off guard. He doesn’t have his pre-sex Speed-o on!
Daisy
March 23rd, 2025 at 8:34 am Reply
MW: Wilbur is so addled by Belle’s sudden appearance that he dresses in his Speedos and flip flops for his night out with Dawn. My, how the crowds at My Thai and the karaoke bar will chortle with amusement!
Victor Von
March 23rd, 2025 at 8:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: “A doorbell? In the middle of casual sexism practice? This is highly irregular!”
TheDiva
March 23rd, 2025 at 6:16 am Reply
MW: I’m sorry, but I don’t see Wilbur as someone who would own a wide variety of shoes “for a man” or indeed for a person in general. This is not a man who takes great care with his appearance, let alone attempts to coordinate outfits. He would have one pair of grubby loafers he wears 99% of the time and one pair of black dress shoes he trots out for special occasions like ex-girlfriend’s weddings and fish funerals.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
March 23rd, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
FC-“We already know. Our mother sleeps around.”
Ukranazi Stepan
March 23rd, 2025 at 5:19 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone:
Sets up one of the standard openings of porno but will never, ever, follow up on it.
Cleveland Mocks
March 23rd, 2025 at 7:17 am Reply
RMMD: Relax, Summer, it’s just Augie slamming the toilet seat back down. He’s very considerate but a little clumsy.
Myrtle
March 23rd, 2025 at 10:57 am Reply
RMMD: “Summer! You’ve let down your hair… and took off your glasses! Why, you’re… not half bad.”
Cut!!! Augie, for the last time – it’s “beautiful” Stick with the script or you’re going back to the minor leagues!
Lauralot
March 24th, 2025 at 5:28 am Reply
MW: Wilbur was visibly several inches shorter than Belle in yesterday’s strip. Today they’re the same height. I have to assume that he opened the door, fled to his bedroom, and returned in his cowboy boots before beginning this conversation.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
March 24th, 2025 at 5:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I didn’t realize you’d take me up on that so quickly…and without prior notice, filed with the court and my probation officer eight to twelve months in advance!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Charterstoned
March 24th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
RMMD: The question that comes to mind is: WHY was Augie taking a look out the door in the middle of the night? Possibly he wanted to see what was getting into the garbage. Or was it a nightingale he’d heard that piqued his interest? Was it the romantic flickering of fireflies that drew him into the soft night? Or maybe, just MAYBE, he was actually just coming BACK inside after a clandestine payoff meeting with the stalker he’d actually hired to kill Summer.
pugfuggly
March 24th, 2025 at 5:18 am Reply
RMMD: Ironic, these two can’t sleep but just reading this strip makes me drowsy…
2+2=7
March 25th, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
LUANN: Brad: “Nice try, TJ but thinking about doing Whoopi Goldberg just isn’t getting me in the mood for some reason….”
LUANN (2): I just don’t get what Brad’s problem is. How can a person not be turned-on by someone sounding like a Newlywed Game contestant?
Ettorre
March 25th, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
Brad and Toni have always been irritatingly naive, but at least they know that to conceive a child you need to ejaculate inside, so they are not threatening France’s stability and its alliance with Austria.
Dan
March 25th, 2025 at 8:21 am Reply
Okay, today I learned that the editor of Luann thought “positions” was a little too spicy for the newspaper.
made of wince
March 25th, 2025 at 9:06 am Reply
Luann: Surely Brad is on the verge of reading “best position”. The best position would be on your knees, throwing up onto today’s “Luann “. Hopefully you’re reading it on paper.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2025 at 5:14 am Reply
Andy Capp : is actually staring right at us because he just realised had he been born later, he could have avoided his loveless mariage and remained single his entire life.
***********
Luann : …What is with this strip and this recent turn with being more sexually explicit (but in weirdly glib, self-censoring way), and this recent theme of couples struggling because they’re overthinking their romances?
Uh, BTW, is/was Karen Evans married? Did she have kids? Because if “no” to both answers, I actually have a theory as to WHY this strip has taken a turn to messaging “BE HORNY *NOW* BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE”… too far?…Vanya
March 25th, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
Luann: It may be some time before I can face eating walnuts again. Blech.
9CL: Less oversharing than Brad and Toni , well done.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BeckoningChasm
March 25th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
Marvin: Wow, the level of contempt Marvin’s parents have for each other is volcanic. Contrast this with the Mitchells, who seem resigned that their lives were destroyed when Dennis came along but don’t seem to blame each other for that. The Marvin parents are beyond trying to cooperate to solve the problem, while Dennis’ parents realize that the problem can’t be solved. “We can’t just kill him………can we?”
Francisco Arrowroot
March 25th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
I’m with Jeff on this one (in spirit, if not in the degree of contempt he is clearly displaying for his wife). When your puzzle appears to be about 25 piece max, you gotta do something to make it challenging.
Tabby Lavalamp
March 25th, 2025 at 5:46 am Reply
Jenny, you’re doing a children’s puzzle. You’ve got bigger problems if you can’t take a random piece and finish it from there, even at wine o’clock.
nescio
March 25th, 2025 at 5:51 am Reply
Marvin: I’m guessing Jeff is the one who bought the monochromatic jigsaw puzzle to match his personality.
Lord Flatulence
March 25th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: Crazy eyes.
CanuckDownSouth
March 25th, 2025 at 5:54 am Reply
MW: Belle isn’t being kookily impulsive to hop on a plane to see Wilbur, it was the only way to fool her body into doing it. As it is, one arm is so repelled by him that it’s broken itself, twisted around and re-attached the bones backwards in an attempt to pull away from him
(Speculation as to why Belle would consciously want to spend time with Wilbur is that it’s hopefully a grift and not some kink involving mayonnaise or worse…)
astroboy
March 25th, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
MW: So, Batts Belfrey takes back-to-back vacations despite claiming to be “immersed in her work,” shows up without “prior notice” despite texting/sexting with Wilbur on the reg, mutters “heh-heh” to herself, invites herself to stay in Wilbur’s apartment…Discount Kate Gosselin has more red flags than a Chinese May Day parade.
And Wilbur will grasp none of it, because he’s Wilbur.
Moy seems to be setting Batts up as a villain, but she’s no Esme. Nobody will ever be in Esme’s league.
RMMD: At first I thought Summer was doing a “Hey, Augie, looka these bazooms!” in P1, but then I realized she was just doing up her ponytail.
MKay
March 25th, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
RMMD: “Heh, heh, heh. Almost there.”
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 25th, 2025 at 1:06 pm Reply
RMMD: Alfred Hitchcock called art “life with the dull bits cut out.” Somewhere he stands and shakes his head.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Stalking ElderberrySequiturMarch 25th, 2025 at 12:21 pm Reply
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
“What is it you want, Dennis?”
“Dad said the best way to spot a beaver is to look up your dress.”
Ukranazi Stepan
March 26th, 2025 at 5:17 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone:
If this gets any more exciting we will need smelling salts for the ladies in the audience.
I speak Jive
March 26th, 2025 at 9:07 am Reply
Rex Morgan – Summer emulates the readers.
Liam
March 26th, 2025 at 6:11 am Reply
RMMD-“Looks like I’m going to have to finish myself off.”
Guillermo el chiclero
March 26th, 2025 at 10:49 am Reply
RMMD: Good. She’s finally asleep. Now I can strangle her with her ponytail. The Glenwood Strangler strikes again!
CanuckDownSouth
March 26th, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
MT: Now, now, Mark. New York isn’t such a big, intimidating place – their airport is so small that they not only don’t have any US Fish and Wildlife Inspectors stationed there, they also don’t have a PA system and can get out an announcement to the whole terminal by having one person shout in the hallway!
GarrisonSkunk
March 26th, 2025 at 8:13 am Reply
Mark Trail vs.NYC’s giant pigeons!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Chance
March 26th, 2025 at 4:33 am Reply
Well, Pickles Kid, in some regionalisms (possibly going out of style), it’s called the sitting room, and you’re sitting. Is that good enough for you? If not, try a little standing and get out!
Myrtle
March 26th, 2025 at 5:21 am Reply
Pickles: They need to monitor Nelson’s TV viewing. He’s watched too many Seinfeld reruns.
Liam
March 26th, 2025 at 8:05 am Reply
Pickles-In a special ‘Pickles’ someone is going to die tonight.
Dennis Jimenez
March 26th, 2025 at 7:18 am Reply
Pickles – Hey – it happens all the time…in fact, your grand dad…and right where you’re sitting….
Hibbleton
March 26th, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Pickles: “Wait! I get it now, Grandma. Some people call it a parlor, like a funeral parlor. When Grandpa dies can we keep his coffin here?”
Guts Dozier
March 26th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
Lord Flatulence
March 26th, 2025 at 8:39 am Reply
@Guts Dozier: Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
How come we die in the living room and live in the dying room?
Ken
March 26th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
@Guts Dozier: Wouldn’t it be weird if Wilbur died in the living room?
Two words you’ll never be able to get out of your mind: Erotic asphyxiation.
Jake
March 26th, 2025 at 7:47 am Reply
MW: the universe quakes and trembles as it prepares itself for the second time Wilbur Weston has ever had sex.
ectojazzmage
March 26th, 2025 at 7:25 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Suh-suh-suh-sexual intercourse?!?!? Zoinks!!!”
BeckoningChasm
March 26th, 2025 at 4:32 am Reply
MW: I am horrified that Belle might derive intense pleasure from having cola spat all over her. If that is the case, Wilbur has at last found his One True Love.
Lauralot
March 26th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
@BeckoningChasm: Wouldn’t his One True Love prefer to be slathered in mayo?
Hibbleton
March 26th, 2025 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: Can we just skip ahead to the scene where Sheriff’s officers are evicting Wilbur and Dawn from Belle’s condo!?
Dmsilev
March 26th, 2025 at 9:35 am Reply
I appreciate the care and attention to detail in the Mary Worth artwork. Making Belle’s rack roughly the same size as Wilbur’s gut is perfect.
H-Bob
March 26th, 2025 at 9:36 am Reply
Maybe Wilbur couldn’t perform during the vacation, so Belle is visiting because she feels unfulfilled.
Wilbur’s spit-take has finally given her closure!
astroboy
March 26th, 2025 at 5:52 am Reply
I’ve got it! Belle flirted with and then used Wilbur to smuggle some maracas filled with stolen diamonds from Mexico to the US, and now she’s there to collect them!
Oh, waitaminute. That was an episode of The Flintstones. It *would* work, though!
Tabby Lavalamp
March 26th, 2025 at 5:57 am Reply
Are they about to show full on pornographic sex in the panels of Mary Worth? It may seen like a ludicrous idea but with Wilbur and Belle involved there will be no furious letters to the editor or calls for boycotts because everyone who comes across it will avert their eyes and purge their memories so that years from now there will only be a faint echo in the backs of our heads asking, “Did I see Wilbur Weston fuck?”
Schroduck
March 26th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
MW: For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.
Professor Well Actually
March 26th, 2025 at 7:11 am Reply
MW: Belle’s working name is Dominatrix Madame Belle. Her pet name for Wilbur is Loathsome Worm.
jnoble
March 26th, 2025 at 6:34 am Reply
MW: Yep, panel 2 is pretty much our reaction as well to the idea that any woman would desire Wilbur. You know, sexually.
BigTed
March 26th, 2025 at 7:14 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ha, Wilbur is about to learn the difference between “vacation sex” and “woman I met briefly is living in my relatively small condo with me and my adult daughter and it turns out she’s kind of embarrassing to be with in public and how can I get her to leave?” sex. Luckily, he has a secret superpower: The ability to screw up every relationship! (Okay, that one’s not so secret.)
Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
March 26th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
Mary Wormtounge: Wilber will receive a stern cease and desist order from the Danny Thomas estate very soon. Don’t steal the bit, Wilberman!
Bob Tice
March 26th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
MW:
I think that this Belle is a baddie —
Presumptuous, forward and chatty
And look at that spit! —
Last time I saw it
I think it was “Make Room for Daddy”!
GT:
“If Coach Thorp has taught me anything…winning isn’t every thing — and losing isn’t the end. But come to think of it, he hasn’t taught me anything. So forget I just said that.”
Ken
March 26th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
GT: Wait, that’s Luke? I thought it was Marty Moon. I’d complain about Rachel Merrill’s art, but I also couldn’t tell them apart in Rod Whigham’s 8/9/22 strip. Did I miss some backstory setting them up as twin brothers?
2+2=7
March 26th, 2025 at 5:30 am Reply
GIL THORP: I guess now that Gil has found someone to spot the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Chance
March 27th, 2025 at 4:30 am Reply
I’m still astonished that Gearhead Gertie is an ongoing, published strip. It feels like one of those bad ideas that people have during the “there are no bad ideas at this stage” stage of brainstorming.
cheech wizard
March 27th, 2025 at 5:13 am Reply
H&L – Opening Day also occurs during the NCAA’s Big Dance, so Thirsty better hope that it doesn’t occur to Mr. Foofram to apply basketball metrics to his business, and finds that Thirsty’s plus/minus shows the firm performs significantly better on the days he’s not there.
TheDiva
March 27th, 2025 at 6:30 am Reply
H&L: Mr. Diva has long been in the habit of using a couple PTO days to catch the opening rounds of the NCAA tournament, so I’m siding with Thirsty on this one. Hi, meanwhile, will forgo any sort of personal pleasure or fulfillment in a desperate attempt to get his boss to notice him, and will receive nothing for it but a layoff six months before his pension kicks in.
Banana Jr. 6000
March 27th, 2025 at 6:47 am Reply
@TheDiva: Yeah, Hi seems like the kind of coworker who never takes a day off, because he’s afraid everyone will notice the office works perfectly well without him.
Hannibal’s Lectern
March 27th, 2025 at 7:41 am Reply
High and Lowest: Judging by the discussion in Panel Two, it doesn’t sound like Thirsty’s in any trouble for going to Opening Day. Most likely he called the office and said he was taking one of the personal days in his contract to go to the ballgame. That explains Hiram’s downcast expression, as he of course must save those days for when Trixie’s spewing from both ends simultaneously.
Treetown
March 27th, 2025 at 9:19 am Reply
HL: Thirsty harkens back to a time like Otis of Mayberry, where being a chronic alcoholic was a source of amusement and not a sad situation. A simpler more innocent time.
pugfuggly
March 27th, 2025 at 4:44 am Reply
H&L It’s weird that Thirsty’s boss would even ask where he is. Surely the regular answer is ‘sleeping it off’?
FC After closing the books on another hard year at the kompound, Daddy Keane stares pensive at a list of his four children. His pen hovers for a moment over ‘Jeffy’ before he hears an idiotic comment from the ither side of the room. He moves up a line and decisively strokes off ‘Billy’.
A Grave Mind
March 27th, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
In fact, Daddy Keane has been playing Tic Tac Toe, by himself, for hours. It’s been a draw every time, but he’s feeling good about the next game.
Philip
March 27th, 2025 at 6:00 am Reply
Family Circus – Daddy Keane is considering the cost and risks of transitioning this strip into a Pluggers-style user-submitted story format in contrast to the cost of the current upkeep of his children. Honestly, one well written /r/AskReddit question could supply him with three years of material for very little effort.
Nekrotzar
March 27th, 2025 at 10:42 am Reply
FC: Daddy used his “math” to predict that Melon Baller was going to beat Prancing Pretzel in the fifth. Good thing we weren’t going to need that college fund anyway.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Lauralot
March 27th, 2025 at 5:23 am Reply
MW: It’s not every day you see the worst thing you’ll ever see.
BeckoningChasm
March 27th, 2025 at 4:33 am Reply
MW: Tell me Belle has poisonous lipstick. Lie if you have to. Otherwise, it’s a good thing I didn’t eat breakfast before reading the strip. And I think I’ll skip lunch.
ValdVin
March 27th, 2025 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: Is Belle even wearing lipstick or did she just draw those kisses on Wilbur. And for Wilbur, does that consititute getting to second base?
MKay
March 27th, 2025 at 5:28 am Reply
MW: Just how desperate and/or drugged-up do you have to be to pick Wilbur as a sugar daddy? I guess we’re going to find out.
I speak Jive
March 27th, 2025 at 9:01 am Reply
Mary Worth – I laughed at the lipstick marks all over Wilbur’s face. Thank goodness it’s lipstick marks and not a hickey – I don’t want to think about how that would happen.
Guillermo el chiclero
March 27th, 2025 at 8:34 am Reply
MW: If this turns into a Fatal Attraction situation at least Dawn doesn’t have a pet rabbit, but I’ve got a really bad feeling about the goldfish.
Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!
March 27th, 2025 at 9:22 am Reply
@Hibbleton: @Daisy: @Guillermo el chiclero: re Willa G. Fish — Guys, and/or gals, please!! Willa is in no danger here, so no need for these doomsday predictions! She’s no longer a member of the Weston household, thanks to The Ladies not renewing her contract – a blessing in disguise. Now if you *do* happen to catch a glimpse of a generic Goldfish, it will have been artificially created. I don’t think they’d stoop to using one of Willa’s archived appearances, but if they try to pull that crapola, we’ll have our crack legal team all over ’em!
Ukranazi Stepan
March 27th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
Wary Morth:
“Dad! I thought we talked about you bringing home prossies already!”
_________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
Will Augie fall asleep in the chair? Will he be compelled to seek sleep in Summer’s bed instead? This incredible cliffhanger forces you to wait to find out!
Tom T.
March 28th, 2025 at 5:00 am Reply
Luann: Just send Brad to the amusement park while TJ implants the baby.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
nescio
March 28th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
Things that resemble shit in today’s Family Circus: the color of the door, the color of the kid’s coat and hat, Jeffy.
Hibbleton
March 28th, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
FC: “Actually, I don’t care who’s home. I’ll play with PJ if I have to. You’re the ‘hot mom’”
Guillermo el chiclero
March 28th, 2025 at 5:05 am Reply
FC: BS, kid. You just want to hang out and gawk at Thel’s sweater puppies, which I must say are in very good form today.
Schroduck
March 28th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
FC: This is a great trick for getting backstage at a show (“oh, I’m here with the shitty support act, they’ll vouch for me. But since they’re busy loading the van I GUESS I’ll hang with the headliners.”) which makes it all the more tragic he’s wasting it on getting into the Keane Kompound.
Philip
March 28th, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
Family Circus – Jeffy and Thelma are upset because this background kid character finally gets a line, a blows it by wearing a coat and hat in what is clearly a spring strip judging by the green plants by the door. The kid and his parents don’t know these episodes are produced months in advance. Don’t expect to see him hired again.
Peanut Gallery
March 28th, 2025 at 5:55 am Reply
FC – And by “play with,” he means he’ll hold the fire truck in one hand and Jeffy in the other, and smash them into each other while making motor noises.
Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
March 28th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
Family Circumcision: I’m pretty sure Spectacles is just there for that sweet fire truck.
Mary Wormtounge: Since Batson D. Belfry’s niece isn’t wearing lipstick I assume those are hickeys on Wilbur’s face, which is pretty sick making.
MKay
March 28th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
MW: It’s fortunate that Dawn came home when she did, or we’d be privy to more be-lipsticked Wilbur flesh than this world should ever see.
GarrisonSkunk
March 28th, 2025 at 9:22 am Reply
“Belle wants my body, Dawn!” “For what, Dad?” “Sex stuff, Dawnie.” “Ewwwwwwwwww!” ” Magic Mountain is open!” “Zip that up, Dad!”
Guts Dozier
March 28th, 2025 at 5:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: I have to give credit to the artist of this strip for making sure that the lipstick marks on Wilbur’s face are in the exact same position they were yesterday.
Ukulele Ike
March 28th, 2025 at 5:42 am Reply
RMMD: SATURDAY ADVENTURE!!! “Yep, all’s clear.”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
Pre 69. Old School Allie Cat
March 25th, 2025 at 7:29 am Reply
Luann – Brad, where would Toni say is the most unusual place you’ve made whoopee?
69.Inspector Gotcha
March 25th, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
@Old School Allie Cat:
In the butt.
Post 69. GarrisonSkunk
March 25th, 2025 at 8:56 am Reply
“Ok, Newlyweds…next question…..Where is the most embarrassing place you made whoopie?” ” In the Louann, Bob.”
69. Hibbleton
March 26th, 2025 at 6:58 am Reply
MW: Dawn walks in on the happy couple and Belle immediately thinks it’s Wilbur’s girlfriend. “Don’t be shy, honey. There’s always room for one more;” she says while taking off her top.
69. Little Blue Bicycle
March 27th, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
MW: One of the most bizarre things about the Moyverse is that while Moy consistently has depicted Wilbur as an absolute troll, a narcissistic stalker with a taste for booze, overeating, and self pity, he is also somehow irresistible to women, at least until they get to know him. Iris, Stelle, even the woman with the dog are interested until they see him up close. Mary consistently defends him. Why this is, I don’t know, not being that familiar with the DSM.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
Dennis Jimenez
March 28th, 2025 at 7:52 am Reply
Blondie – Blondie’s boobs are both real and unreal (and I love them)….
HtH – They love you, YAH, YAH, YAH – They love you, YAH, YAH, YAH – They love you, YAH, YAH, YAH – YAH….
FC – To me, Thel’s expression says, well, would you look at that – a turd in plaid, with a toque and glasses….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Congrats to Dmsilev and the floaters!
Thanks to our host, applause for the notables, and I appreciate the Scrote.
Congrats floaters! And Baja, we miss you!
Thanks, Scratchy.
A round of applause to Dmsilev for the COTW!
And a hooray and thanks to
DustyTestisScratchy for the mentions!Many thanks, Josh and Scratchy, and congratulations to all the witty folks cited above!
Thank you, Scratchy, and thanks, Josh, for the Baja update.
Congrats to Dmsilev on the CotW!
Thanks for the Baja update, Josh.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy.
Allow me to echo everyone else on the good news about Baja.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy and the good Baja news,Josh!
Congrats to Dmsilev, everyone on the float, and the scratchies! Broon Croons to Old Man Shadow, 2+2=7 and pugfuggly! Good to hear Baja’s doing okay!
Cheers for the Friday funniness and all those who brought it here!
After my rousing affirmative vote for the Quebecois comic The Bellybuttons on Tuesday, there has been NO FEEDBACK. C’mon, people, 8 volumes of 2008-18 Canadian comic strips for free, and it is SO GOOD.
I’ve read through the whole damn thing twice already, and a couple more times for the good parts (the murder bits, the public exposure of Melanie’s perfidy, Jenny revealing she’s in love with Hugo, Albin becoming a rock star, Vicky’s first [and second] girl-girl smooches). Give it a try this weekend.
Thanks to Josh for the Baja update and to Scratchy Scrotum LXIX for the mentions. Congratulations to Dmsilev and all the other funny folks, with tips of the beret to Ettore Costa, pugfuggly, and Old Man Shadow.
(In the original French, Les Nombrils.)
Praise from Caesar
Summer, have you ever heard of a ring camera? You can get Augie to mount one outside your door, next to your window, and by the front and back doors of your apartment building. That way nobody needs to go peeking outside the door in the middle of the night AND you’ll have proof to show the police that you have a stalker that is trespassing on your property.
Heartiest congrats to Dmsilev, and thanks for the mentions, Scratchy!
As for you, Baja, sack up and get your lazy ass back here pronto. Those mash-ups aren’t going to mash themselves, you know!
@Anonymous:
Summer, have you ever heard of a ring camera? You can get Augie to mount one outside your door . . .
I don’t know if this is a thing or not, but I read an item in our local paper about this perv who flashed the doorbell camera at a woman’s apartment. The cops caught him because he had done this somewhere else previously. They said they “recognized him,” but didn’t specify exactly how. Hilarious if it weren’t so sick.
Since we heard that Baja is okay, we all deserve a little cake.
Yaay!! Thanks Scratchy and congrats to Baja :3 who is okay!
Thanks, josh and Scratchy for the highlights, the mentions, and the Baja update. Now if jroggs would reconsider…
Congrats to the honorees; thanks for the props, Scratchy; and delighted that Baja is fine.
Thanks Josh and Scratchy!
@Ukulele Ike: Trouble for me was wanting to read the original and not being able to find it online (I’ve got A Thing about reading original French BD versus translations [“Snowy”, really? “Snowy”!!?]). But I expect the next time I visit family north of the border I’ll ask them to borrow some from the library for me to see – I think my mom’s city library has all 1-8
Thanks, Scratchy, and thanks to Josh for the update on Baja.
@CanuckDownSouth: I know how you feel. I read all of Jacques Tardi’s “Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec” in French back in the early 80s, long before the albums were translated. It was SO MUCH BETTER in French; came off a bit cornball in English.
I’d love to acquire hard copies of the Nombrils books, but they had small print runs (in Canada), were popular, sold out fast, not reprinted, and go for over $60 apiece online. I’ll need to settle for scrolling the English version on Internet Archive.
Yes, “Snowy” is abominable.
@Ukulele Ike: If you care, there now seems to be a healthy selection in used good condition French ones via AbeBooks, some as little as 4 bucks plus 9 bucks to ship Fr-US
@CanuckDownSouth: Tempting. My French was in good condition back in the 1980s, but I don’t know whether I could handle bandes dessinees nowadays. The intrigue and treachery and exoticism and surrealism of the Adele Blanc-Sec series really popped in the French language, but Canadian teenage mean-girl drama works fine in translation.
Was Baja concerned that Wilber would be having sex with Belle in full EVILSEXYSCARYCLOWN makeup?