What kind of hippie accepts a title of nobility
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Suburban Fairy Tales, 4/9/25
I made a fairly embarrassing error in my post about Suburban Fairy Tales a couple days ago, in which I implied that the second little pig built his house out of straw, when any idiot knows that that was the first little pig’s thing, and the second little pig built his out of wood, which is a more normal way to do it but apparently still leaves you vulnerable to wolves. Anyway, this has me really second-guessing myself when it comes to fairy tale lore; like, I don’t think there’s a beloved hippie sheep character named “Sir Lambelot” that we all learned about from bedtime stories growing up, but can I really be trusted about this sort of thing anymore?
Herb and Jamaal, 4/9/25
It’s true, Jamaal: when assessing the viability of a business plan, you need to take into account the price of production inputs! Not sure if that’s “funny” per se, but at least it’s educational.
Dennis the Menace, 4/9/25
So Dennis thinks that chairs, and maybe other pieces of furniture, are weird fucked-up-shaped animals, that we kill and then sit on? And most but not all of them are vertebrates? Pretty menacing. Ignorant, but also so unsettling as to be pretty darn menacing.
152 replies to “What kind of hippie accepts a title of nobility”
The Phantom warns about the dangers of meddling! Clearly he doesn’t read Mary Worth.
“ What kind of hippie accepts a title of nobility?” Looks like someone is too young to have heard of the Sir Douglas Quintet
SFT: Why do pigs need to make their houses out of anything when they live in this suburban tract sprawl? They’ve already got houses made of drywall and stucco, and that’s nearly as strong as straw.
H&J: This ongoing plot is getting dangerously close to specifying real world events. Can’t Jamaal just be rearing nonspecific egg-laying animals, in case this strip gets reprinted after the apocalypse when we’re all living off the globular eggs of captured lizards?
Suburban Fairy Tales:
“Virginia?!? — what are you doing here?”
“I’m a Woolf in sheep’s clothing!”
So beanbag chairs are basically the jellyfish of the furniture world?
MW: Girls dinner! When it comes to indelible stain potential, gotta be Italian.
SUBURBAN FAIRY TALES: Can’t fool me; this is a Furry enclave.
DtM: The room will be awash with zillions of beans in five, four, three…
RMMD:
“…the couple across the street have motive, if it comes to that.”
“Come to think of it, you have motive, too, since investigating the death keeps you busy and on the force. Officer, you’re under arrest!”
RMMD: Maybe ask the guy who discovered the body how he knew he was dead without opening the car door or anything? Pretty sure normal innocent people, on discovering someone unconscious in a car in the middle of the night, don’t go straight to “This man is dead!” unless there’s a lot of blood.
DtM: “It’s full of viscera, of course, but no bones. At least not yet.”
There’s a funny saying going around that since humans invented subsistence farming everything we have ever made has been in service to not have to do subsistence farming, but honestly, while Big Egg has a chokehold on the business that guarantees no small time farmers in the US can break into the market even as egg prices soar into the outer solar system with little hope of ever returning, actually keeping your own chicken farm for consumption seems like a fine idea.
FC: Showing that stupid has consequences. In London, a cuffed hand holding a gold nibbed pen strikes a line through Jeffy and Dolly as possible future members of the Red Headed League.
Just putting it out there that in the Dune universe chairdogs are a kind of animal.
Dennis’ chair was upholstered
With real Naugahyde.
When they killed that Nauga
He sat down and cried.
(He moved to Chicago when that Nauga died!)
DtM – That chair may not have any bones, but it definitely has several tumors.
It’s far too specific for a Herb & Jamaal reference, but I believe the question Jamaal is looking for is “which come first, the egg or the hen?”
MW – This is it. Batts is about to put her Murder Plan in effect. So, what’s it gonna be? Ice pick in the living room?
Dennis the Menace: “I’m still trying to work out if it has a nucleus, mitochondria, endoplasmic reticulum, or lysosomes! Say, do you feel like we’re being absorbed through an external membrane?”
@astroboy: I believe the traditional method is an icepick in the brain.
Pluggers – The word “plugger” does not appear in the caption. I need a moment.
@Weaselboy: I know, right? Homer nodding, or the end of an era?
Suburban Fairy Tales: Is…is Sir Lambelot stoned? Or just very, very horny for a dirty pig? Either way, they do need to get out of the street, since in several states it is now legal to run over hippies if you think they’re protesting.
FC: I mean, they may both be abysmal at it, but she’s not wrong
DtM – That chair is made of breasts, Dennis. Flip over and start motorboating.
@Rube: @Weaselboy: re Pluggers: And this guy is not even morbidly obese!
Pluggers steal their material from Yogi Berra.
Ah, Sir Lambelot, that beloved character from the stories of King Arthfur and the Knights of the Round Stable.
***
With that look on his face, I get the feeling that Dennis is hinting that he lives with furniture made out of human remains to keep Joey in line.
FC: I predict that Dolly will be president of the US some day. (Oh, no particular reason.)
Dennis’s education has been sadly neglected. Specifically he has never seen Terror of the Autons (1971), or he would not so causally sit on a shapeless lump of plastic. I mean, he was twenty then, he probably thought it was kid stuff.
@matt w: I’ve seen a dead body. People can recognize death.
When this joke was written weeks ago, it was about the cost of eggs due to the bird flu. But now it can be applied to the fact that tariffs can fail to restore domestic production because they increase the cost of production inputs! Sometimes the comics production lag can accidentally improve a joke!
DtM: Awesome. I’ve been waiting forever for a sequel to Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.
There is a short story by Edogawa Ranpo about a man who stalks a woman by hiding in a chair he gifts her, so that when she sits, she sits on his lap. So I have to concede that Dennis is right to take inspiration for his menaceness from fucked-up Japanese literature
H&J: Is “Which costs more, the price of chicken feed or the price of eggs?” a legitimate question? I mean, isn’t the expression “chicken feed” basically synonymous with “cheap”?
SFT: I like how Lambelot’s idea of ‘lending a hand’ to someone who suffered a major auto accident starts with asking ‘why’? I mean sure, he could have just called 911 but they probably would have had the same question, right?
H&J: Bad news, Jamaal: you’ve already got a chicken so I think you’re beyond the ‘deciding’ stage.
DtM: It seems like this chair is something new to both Dennis and Joey which makes me wonder: did they break into someone’s house? Pretty good menace, tbh.
DT – Josh, do you print out the internet before you read it aloud? Because Dick Tracy does, and keeps it in neat manila folders!
Edda’s mom is the moll? The illustrious doctor stoops to play out detective stories with the town lunatic? Where is her doting husband? Edda just happens to walk by? I guess all this makes as much sense as anything else.
MW in three weeks:
“Dad she tried to murder me!”
“Don’t be melodramatic Dawn. I’m sure there’s a logical reason for cutting your air hose deep in the ocean. Pass the mayo.”
“Heh heh.”
“What about not packing my parachute?””
“A mere oversight. She didn’t get much sleep the night before, hee hee.”
“Heh heh.”
@Ettorre: Ah! Classic manga by japanese horror comic great Junji Ito!
@Treetown: Yes, Ito adapted that from Ranpo. Also Conan Edogawa from “Detective Conan” is named after Ranpo
“It’s a long story”
“Ok” [Walks away]
With today’s very disturbing Dennis “joke” and Family Circus last week having Billy using the word “stabbed” (A pretty darkly specific vocabulary for a 7 year old)
I think that comics are starting to scare me.
H&J: Doesn’t matter, the chicken will be dead of bird flu in a week either way.
SFT: Wrong again, Josh. The second pig specifically built their house of sticks, ie. loose uncut pieces of wood. They make for pretty unstable building material, although the results would probably pass muster in a hastily erected suburban development contracted to the lowest bidder.
Maybe I’m misremembering the Ranpo story (read it way back in college) but I thought the sofa ended up in the young woman’s home by chance after being sold by the hotel, so he wasn’t really stalking her? And in the twist ending, it turned out it was all just a story manuscript?
I do remember liking his stuff. Might have to find a good compilation to order.
@astroboy: I don’t remember whether the first element is true, but the second is correct. It’s just a story — aren’t they all?
Suburban Fairy Tales – The only thing more assured to cure insomnia than counting sheep would be to go into the archives of Suburban Fairy Tales to figure out how a bad sheep pun based on the Arthurian legend of Sir Lancelot led us to today’s strip.
Herb and Jamaal – I feel like this strip isn’t written for the newspaper audience, per se, but in hopes to be licensed to publishers of high school/College Econ 101 textbooks. Here’s hoping the layout artists at McGraw Hill, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, or Pearson are feeling the same economic pinch at the cost of eggs!
Dennis the Menace – The average layman assumes propaganda for regimes is made up merely of a few recognizable symbols, posters, energetic speeches, and ridiculous film and television. But the aesthetic design of every day products also define the politics and culture of a society.
After the end of The Menacing, there will be a cottage industry of academics writing about the “boneless design” of Dennis that masked the harsh infrastructure of the regime with sunk-in comfort that quickly became quicksand, trapping many citizens before they knew what happened.
Dustin: Ha, even the neighborhood urchin dumps on Dustin!
GT: Keri’s also non-brawny.
MW: Permanently ebullient Belle makes it up to Dawn: “Here, try some of these pills I take. They’re exhilarating!”
Phantom: Across time and space, Mary Worth suddenly feels a stabbing pain in her glutes.
CS: Dude, don’t be so vague. It’s SCHOOL bus garage manager, Lena.
Frazz: Caulfield finally admits that he hates Mrs. Olsen’s guts with the fire of a million Icarus-killing suns.
MW : While Dawn certainly has a right to be upset about Belle being a crazy person and concerned for her dad, her being a petulant child about Dawn coming on stage really ain’t it. At least for me. Maybe Dawn really is the problem lol
DT: Another clue – Mutt and Jeff posts into Auntie’s facebook page – using their real names probably.
The insurance claim adjuster, the Itemizer, lists $82.91 for a new Hp color print cartridge. What about the 3rd nephew?
The one who made the sweaty phone call to Auntie way back when this caper started?
MW: Another day with no MW in MW, hurrah!
RMMD: Finally, we are moving the corpse out of the car and transporting it to the coroner.
H&J: 1000 chickens later, Jamal learns the lesson of the economy of scale. His landlord, not so much.
Phantom: Wheezey is high as fuck right now. Annette and Frankie, one fire over, shared their drugs. Dad looks on in disapproval.
DT: Those darned nephews! The Achilles’ Heel of our pair of domestic criminal masterminds.
DtM: I’m all for this new reboot of The Blob.
MW-And cue the Adult Special Hugging and Kissing music.
FC-Can you say that sober, Dolly?
Yesterday Six Chix-Those annoying things like jokes and humor won’t get you in there.
MW: Belle makes it up to Dawn by arranging a karaoke date with a male escort. Things go south when the escort is
DirkWilbur.Herb And Jamaal: Y’know, Jamaal, most people who make money off chicken farming have more than one chicken. Just a thought.
Dennis The Menace: Unfortunately for Dennis and his friend, that bean bag is actually the Blob and will soon be melting them alive.
Well at least you admit you’re an idiot. But I already knew that.
C’shaft: Look, I’ll allow you your ridicule of Lena’s baked goods and coffee and bowling and golf–it’s pointlessly mean-spirited, but it’s your thing. But you are not telling me that the woman who has managed these idiots for years cannot drive a bus at least as well as Crankshaft. (Hell, I could probably drive a bus at least as well as Crankshaft.)
Dustin: “Now you’re bashing my skull in with a bowling baaaaAAAAAAAAGH!”
GT: Wow, they’re actually following through with this whole eating disorder thing, with Keri needing to rebuild muscle mass after their body nearly devoured itself. Maybe eventually they’re going to remember Tobias is a trans athlete and certain people get irrationally angry about that sort of thing.
No, that would be a holey cow. A holy cow would have a halo and wings, or perhaps a mitre and crozier.
Luann: There once was a girl from Pitts
Who thought she’d the skill and the wits
For writings poetic
But they were pathetic
And stunk like the stuff her dog shits.
MW: Oooh, they’re going for a hike at Dangerous Selfie Falls!
Phantom: Have any of you smug colonialists bothered to ask Kadia what she thinks about Kit, and if she would consider him worth spending the best years of her life barefoot and pregnant in a cave? Or if she has ambitions beyond raising the next generation of condescending, purple-spandex wearing vigilantes?
Pluggers: I mean, if it means you only eat one slice of the pizza instead of two (that is, 1/6 of the pie instead of 1/4), that’s not a terrible portion control strategy. Maybe Pluggers can only eat healthier when they convince themselves they’re cheating the system?
RMMD: Look at how depressed the plainclothes cop is. He would give anything, anything for a juicy Colombo-style mystery. He has the battered trench coat and everything! But no, he knows he’s stuck in Rex Morgan, and the autopsy will reveal nothing more than an ineffectual stalker drinking himself to death in front of his latest victim’s house.
@TheDiva: Markup fail–that bold line should be for Lio.
SFT – You know the old saying: If you don’t like police, next time you need help call a hippie sheep with an O.B.E.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I have a flat tire and I need to be at the studio in 20 minutes!”
“Don’t expect any help from me”
“Yeah. I know, oligarchs don’t do tires”
“I don’t want to be recognized, because my fans think I’m an oligarch too!”
Crankshaft – Today in Clumsy Exposition Theater…
Rex Morgan – @matt w: How did Augie know the stalker was dead? Probably his eyes were drawn as Xes. That would be par for this boring story.
With all the wandering around the crime scene, the beat cop has already established that Augie and Summer have a motive for murdering him. Of course, the cause of death hasn’t been determined, but so what? It wouldn’t be the first time a police investigation goes in the direction of an officer’s first suspicion, which is the most realistic thing about this.
Pickles – Earl has an observation about chickens and eggs.
Menaces of the Future, David Cronenberg, 2022.
Phantom – “Just remember that my son is his own man and he is the one to choose which bride will join him in blind allegiance to the vow of a distant ancestor who died 400 years ago.”
Dennis has placed his giant beanbag chair in front of his father’s chair setting off a cold war escalation where each moves his chair in front of the other to block their view of the television until the “victor” is face to face with it and living with eye strain and headaches rather than conceding to the other. This display of dominance might be considered menacing, but is mostly considered stupid.
When creating a limerick you must,
Make sure that the rhythm is just
If your scansion ain’t pretty
Then the limerick is shitty
And the whole damn thing is a bust.
@Old School Allie Cat: Lacking the cadence necessary:
There was a young man from Munich
Who turned out to be a eunuch
He played hi on the piano
‘Cause he could only sing soprano
And then he drove home in his Bunick
Was Dennis previously a resident at Ed Gein’s house? That’s pretty menacing.
H&J – Up to now, Jamaal’s experience with chickens has been limited to choking one.
Jamaal is very different from other men of his age, because his main preoccupation is finding a trick to raise his hen
RMMD: Just in case it turns out to be carbon monoxide poisoning, the officer quietly sticks a potato in the exhaust pipe.
LUANN:. Haiku, limericks, sonnets… my gosh, I’m actually learning something from this arc. Or re-learning. Gosh, I’d have thought six types of poetry were impossible for Luann. Or me.
Suburban Fairy Tales: Is “Sir Lambelot” supposed to be female here? I mean, it’s one thing to gender-swap fun IP like Ghostbusters or Ocean’s 11. But to do it with a beloved character like… um… this ’60s hippie farm animal who’s also based on thousand-year-old Arthurian legend for some reason? That’s yfel, man!
MW: Have Dawn or Wilbur seen the defaced picture of Dawn? If they had, would they not be the least bit curious as to who defaced it?
Off-panel, Willa swims nervously in ever-tightening circles around her barren tank as she pines for Stellan…she looks up at the surface and thinks, “It isn’t that far to the water’s edge…one swift jump and it’ll all be over…”
Doesn’t Jamaal need to invest in a rooster if he wants that hen to lay eggs?
@Ukulele Ike: No, hens cheerfully lay unfertilized eggs. That’s why factory farms are able to have a million hens packed into cages, no roosters in sight, The hatchery kills all the roosters when they are removed from the incubator
BETWEEN FRIENDS:. So where’s the granddaughter? Did they leave her out in the park for the wolves to find? She’s needed RIGHT NOW so Maeve and ex can tear their eyes off each other
PHANTOM:. The good old days when Heloise was the level-headed, precocious twin we all wanted to inherit the onesie. But now they’ve twisted her into a despicable Mary Worth.
Betcha Kadia is gonna turn evil.
@Rube: I wish they would de-ball them and sell them as capons. Capons are tasty, but hard to find.
@Rube:
#74. You are right. We had a motherly neighbor who sorted hatchlings, tossing the males into some kind of grist mill. She loved her job.
@Activist: When I was young, sexing chicks was a highly specialized skill, mostly passed on among Japanese and Korean immigrants. Now I understand that the chickens are bred so the males are a distinct colour, and sexing is unskilled labour.
Dennis the Menace-Now that Dennis has a Rover let’s see Mr. Wilson try to escape from the village.
MW: Who sulks that much about not being able to sing a duet with their father? Maybe Belle’s doing everyone a favor by ending this disturbing codependency that Dawn and Wilbur have. But whatever she’s on, I’ll take two of them.
Herb and Jamaal-In my neighborhood somebody has two chickens. A few days ago they were out of their yard and I watched them cross the road.
I think I must be the first to learn that Jay North died.
@Liam: What an opportunity! I hope you asked the chickens why they did it.
DT: Clearly Auntie and Uncle Piltdown are not familiar with the classic insurance scam movies. We already noted that neither are like Phyllis or Walter from Double Indemnity.
But by involving their nitwit nephews, they violated the primary advice about serious crime from the classic neo-noir insurance / inheritance scam movie Body Heat.
Teddy Lewis (Mickey Rourke) to the lawyer and sap Ned Racine (William Hurt): “Hey now, I want to ask you something. Are you listening to me, asshole? Because, I like you. I got a serious question for you: What the f#ck are you doing? This is not shit for you to be messin’ with. Are you ready to hear something? I want you to see if this sounds familiar: any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you’re gonna f#ck up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you’re a genius – and you ain’t no genius. You remember who told me that?”
Bliss: It’s ok folks – Bailey’s alive! No, he hasn’t been cremated as it looked like yesterday. He called and said it was just an attempt by the management to create “dark humor”… well, it was a little too realistic for me!!
He’s back in fine form today in what first appears to be a minor supporting role. But that side eye he’s givin’ in the second panel – he knows how to steal the show!
Sir Lambelot is, of course, not an original character in the Arthurian legends, but was later added by Chickén de Troyes, who felt that more French influence was needed. Lambelot is known initially as the greatest of Harthur’s knights, but he fails in chivalry when he sleeps with Queen Guinedeer. He disappears in disgrace, but his son Galahaddock is critical in the Grail Quest, restoring the Fish King and the kingdom to health. His final betrayal is arriving too late at the Battle of Camalann, after Harthur has been slain by Moorhendred. He finally retreats into solitude as a hermit crab. Deep stuff from a comic.
Jamaal’s cranium is in the shape of the famous “bell curve”.
Breaking news!! Jay North is still dead!
too soon?Jay North died three days ago. Skilled physician Herbert West of the Miskatonic University Medical School was able to restore him to life, but he unfortunately died again this morning.
Hollywood’s top casting directors are searching frantically for another especially mischievous 73 year old man.
@Peanut Gallery:
I didn’t have to ask. I watched them get to the other side.
@BigTed: re SFT: “Is ‘Sir Lambelot’ supposed to be female here?”
I’m not seeing any eyelashes. Pig#3’s girlfriend, Wolfette, has eyelashes. She also wears a skirt. I’m not familiar with Lambelot so I don’t know if a gender has been assigned.
H’n’J: The question is which is higher, the price of eggs, or the price of feeding those domesticated seldom-flying birds that eggs come out of.
H&J: Um, Jamaal? Chickens are very social animals, and it would be a dubious plan to keep one chicken by itself. Doing that often results in stress and poor health for the chicken, which wouldn’t help egg production. On the other hand, if this is a visiting chicken brought in temporarily to aid in the delivery of a mediocre joke, no problem. Or maybe it’s even just *squints* the silhouette of a chicken. I don’t follow H&J and have no idea what budgetary constraints must now be considered.
@Ukulele Ike: Bwahaha!
MT: Please, please, switch stories early. Whatever Cherry is doing has got to be better than this.
@TheDiva: I hope to see that fab MW comment again on Friday.
As a resident of Ye Olde Englande (and, frankly, a pedant) I need to point out that the two honours which confer the title of ‘Sir’ (knighthood and baronetcy) are not titles of nobility.
Sir Lambelot is therefore eligible to be elected to the Fairytale House of Commons and spend his time hooting in incomprehensible derision at his opponents across the floor.
@Hergen: Yeah, I was kinda surprised to see that from Josh.
MW: Belle’s real name is Lune Tooney. Until very recently, she was known and admired in the PTGA (Professional Tropical Grifters Association) for her ability to quickly spot and target men with the highest Assets/Common-Sense ratio. But now her skill set is degrading fast, thanks to an as-yet-undiagnosed small but potent brain tumor. She picked a really dumb alias for this gig, she scribbled on a family photo in a way that is sure to be discovered, she has lost all subtlety, and her taste in hairstyling is now yuck. And choosing Wilbur is evidence enough that she is fast going downhill. Maybe her future prison doctors will discover the tumor and save her life.
@Hergen: Ooh, nicely snarked!
MW/RxMD: Okay, calling it.
Belle killed Stalker Guy found dead in the car.
This has to be the best Dennis the Menace in months, if not years.
@Liam: #81
Why did they do that???
Perhaps Dennis further braces wooden furniture with bones? Menace Level: Terrifying
DtM: Dennis looks like he just came in his pants.
@TheDiva: #56: re-CS: All administrative personnel at a school bus terminal are certified to drive school buses, as are the shop mechanics and dispatchers. Most likely Lena started out as a driver and got promoted to her current position. So yes, she can probably drive a school bus better than any of those other assholes.
@Ukulele Ike: #76: Did you know that a good, experienced caponizer (chicken castrator) can earn $75 an hour?
@Guillermo el chiclero: The Caponizer has all the hallmarks of a smash movie hit.
@Arabella: re SFT: After some scholarly research reading “about” the comic at Comics Kingdom, I can confirm that Sir Lambelot is referred to as “he.” I guess otherwise he would have been called Dame Lambelot.
@Daisy:
#103, 81:. The brave young chickens (no more than pullets, actually) had heard crossing borders was now illegal, and they had something to prove to the turkeys.
MW: Belle “and I Wii drink wine out of your skull. Oh there I go over sharing again.”
I thought Jamaal said “children” rather than “chicken”, and was debating what kind of livestock feed to raise them on.
@Anonymous: Kadia is a Wilbur wannabe. She tried to jump off a boat, and now she tried to get herself rammed by one (or just drowned by a riptide, who can tell)? I’m sure Heloise will pass “gets suicidal near water” off as an “Endearing Quirk.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV When his beloved Edsel fell apart after he hit the chicken, he found out that the hen is mightier than the Ford!
@Ukulele Ike: @Rube: I wish they would de-ball them and sell them as capons. Capons are tasty, but hard to find.
____________________
You need to clip a capon coupon
@Chevy Chase: What about all the sax and violins on tv, Cheddar?
@Rube: About an hour’s drive from where I live, there is a town whose biggest industry is growing and processing turkeys.
It always has been a living lesson on migration.
The primary workers in the 1970s were Mexicans. In the 1980s, it was Vietnamese refugees. In the 1990s came the Hmong and Laotians.
The last time I visited was about 20 years ago and walking to and from the plant were Somalis.
A friend told me the Africans have been replaced by Hispanics.
Sadly, it seems the previous emigres have never stayed around to develop permanent residency.
I guess that says a lot about the quality jobs and attitudes of the natives.
@Daisy:
To get to the other side.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
#107: Guillermo, Do they collect, wash, and sell the tiny testicles as Rocky Mountain peas?
Word nerds: Is there any measurable difference between “frantically searching” and “searching frantically“?
@Rube: Cock blocking
@Liam: Yeah, but why?
H&J – Wow, the Trump Take Egg crisis must really be cutting deep if Jamaal is so moved as to mention eggs specifically. Rather than, you know, that high-priced grocery store purchase.
I am still dead.
Guess what? Margaret is here. Now I know I am in hell.
@Jym Dyer: He shouldn’t care what they cost is. It’s un-American to care
It’s officially been 8 months since the last installment of Pibgorn, and the earth is slowly healing.
@Bryan: Pibgorn is here with me. I told you, this is hell.
@Activist: #119: Actually, they’re the size of grains of rice. What they do with them I don’t know, but an apprentice caponizer in training will kill many pullets before he gets it right.y
Dennis the Menace: Dennis is just lifting jokes from Reddit now, which makes him exactly as menacing as Facebook.
H&J: There was an old computer game. About a teen who is a slave to an evil wizard who will kill the teen for any excuse he can find, so you have to defeat the wizard first at his own game (with magic)
There was some time ago, a fan remake. In which once your character gets the ability to understand animal speak, and goes to the Wizard’s chicken coop (which contains two hens) This dialogue plays.
Hen 1: I miss Roger, he was a fine rooster.
Hen 2: He’s quite the fox now, it’s terrible what the wizard did to him.
Hen 1: Yeah, when he visits he doesn’t know whether to be friendly or eat us.
Which implies that the wizard transformed the rooster into a fox against his will causing him to possibly devour his own kind (who may or not be his mates) because… evil?
I mean, no seriously… what would the wizard get out of doing that?
@brendancalling: After a comment like that I think Kash Patel should have a look at your computer!
DtM: Considering that DtM is perpetually stuck in an Eisenhower era middle class WASP neighborhood I’d like to know what left wing wobblies Dennis and Joey found who own a beanbag chair.
@Jym Dyer:
Needlessly political, lame, AND boring. Hat trick.
@The Rambling Otter: I mean the wizard turning a rooster into a fox to possibly eat the other hens. why does he even have a chicken coop at all?
@A Grave Mind: Triggered much? Defend your president(s) instead of attacking the joke. Or, you know, jab back in jest.
DtM: This sounds like the reason Hannibal Lecter loves beanbag chairs. Take the rest of the week off from menacing, kid.
H&J: This Kramer-ish plan to raise chickens also seems doomed because Jamaal doesn’t have the space to keep them, although as an NBA vet he should be able to afford a house with a yard. Maybe at some point the illogic is supposed to cancel itself out.
@I know a cult when I see one: On this site, we shouldn’t even be discussing politics at all, period.
It’s against the rules and is a bannable offense.
9CL: It’s got to be weird to see that your mother is the moll for an annoying private dick who—for some reason!—never gets any cases. Especially since it’s supposed to be gangsters who have molls.
C-Shaft: Well that was obligatory.
DT: That? Oh, that’s nothing. Just the nephews receiving their Most Promising Newcomer trophy at this year’s Darwin Awards.
Dustin: At least Dustin can tell his dad that he’ll soon have steady employment, according to the neighbor kid who inexplicably does a Carnac the Magnificent act and you know what? Never mind.
H&L: The tree has exactly one leaf, which it loses. Birdsong aside, spring ain’t exactly springing here, is it?
JP: If it’s this easy to lie to Abbey and she’ll just roll with it Sam must be paying close attention right now. He’s all clear to say, “Yes, of course I spent the whole evening interviewing new paralegals. The hotel is just the best place to do so without interruptions.”
Phantom: The Phantom has learned from bitter experience that when you start meddling some lady in Southern California sends her lawyers sniffing around.
WofI: By all appearances it’s still the Middle Ages. Shouldn’t they be afraid of rats instead?
@The Rambling Otter: I agree. There are many other sites to spread lies but someone did joke about politics and another replied with insults. It could have been ignored but choices were made
@I know a cult when I see one.: You’re still passively-aggressively baiting political discussion.
Cut it out.
@Jay North: Have you run into Lisa Moore yet?
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: I think she’s Satan’s concubine.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Eh, Lena seems like someone who was “kicked upstairs,” meaning “promoted to a useless management position where they can do less damage than if they tried to do actual work.”
DTM:
And he dug up her grave and built a chair with her bones
Excitable boy they all said
@The Rambling Otter: The wizard doesn’t need a reason. He’s EVIL!
@Jay North: “He knows what girls like. Not like that incel asshole Les with his limp wiener.”
Capon fun fact: Caponizing young roosters started in the 1st Century AD when the emperor Tiberius Caesar banned the killing of hens for meat because it was causing an egg shortage. Sound familiar? Nothing new under the sun.
@Craig!: Houses made of candy, according to the lore.
Herb and Jamaal: That question isn’t proverbial. Idiot.
@Ukulele Ike: There’s a whole section of people condemned to a limp wiener. It’s got guys like Hugh Hefner in it.
@Jay North: Hefner had unlimited fluffers. I should be so lucky at his age.
However….