Modern-day foibles
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Herb and Jamaal, 5/27/25
Of the 99 most recent Herb and Jamaal strips I’ve commented on, all but one have four panels, so I guess the strip is pretty married to that format, but I feel like this one should’ve been another exception. It’s already a pretty nothing joke, and the punchline being stretched out over two panels makes you think the second half of it is going to be much more interesting than it turns out to be, and reading it made me genuinely mad. No, Jamaal, that’s not true! This scenario you’re describing is admittedly annoying, but discovering secret government codes is in fact a significantly more difficult process!
Hi and Lois, 5/27/25
Lois knew! Lois knew when Big Government opened commie pinko institutions like the so-called “library” in town, it would destroy hard-working businesses that just wanted to derive profits from the sale of goods and services. First they came for the bookstore, the most obvious target, but now Lois herself is feeling the pinch. Why would anyone engage the services of a realtor if they could simply go to the library and look at Zillow on some grimy PCs running Windows Vista? Your goose is cooked now, Lois!
177 replies to “Modern-day foibles”
H and L:
“Why is it all three of our faces look almost exactly the same, only with different hairdos?”
MW: So, Wilbur has landed on “Belle is mentally disabled” as his cope. Getting closer, Wilbie. She’s mentally…something.
H&L: So, does Lois just hang around the library, trying to pick up tricks…er, clients? Also, who exactly is the woman in the first panel talking to?
H&J: Not to get too political, but this is definitely a comic where even with publication lead times, you can still date precisely which week’s news cycle spawned it. You think anyone in the H&J-verse actually understands what the Signal app is, or do you reckon they assume maybe the editor of The Atlantic accidentally got sent some top secret smoke signals?
H&L: Lmao that Lois went to the library in her realtor blazer and everything to trawl for leads. “ABC. Always Be [hanging out in the middle of the workday around the library’s] Computer.”
H&L: Who is the woman at the computer talking to? It can’t be Lois; Lois doesn’t introduce herself until she smells a commission. Is the woman just shouting her browsing habits aloud to the room, lest they all assume she’s looking at porn? Either way, she’s looking at a stern shushing from the librarian.
H&L: My wife and I just sold a house and are buying another. At no point did we meet our agent at the library to look at books with pictures of what, exactly?
MW: Yesterday, I asked myself: “Will Wilbur realize Belle’s a murderer or decide that she’s stupider than a four year old?” Today I’ve got my answer. And yet he’ll continue sleeping with her.
Luann: Hey, at least one of these two is practicing for their next job.
Gasoline Alley can teach suburbanites like me a thing or two.
MW: Wilbur needs to be a little more specific about the kind of water and its temperature.
BG&SS: Today’s entry doesn’t have anything with a patch on it. I’m a bit surprised.
MW: Wilbur’s thinking, “Oh boy, a dumb chick! Those are the best kind! I can talk her into doing anything!”
MW: ” No, no, Belle! Dawn can’t BREATHE with a plastic bag over her head! Okay?”
“No, no, Belle! Dawn will feel BAD if you bury the meat cleaver into her chest! Okay?”
RMMD: I hope the marriage lasts long enough for the Morgans to get some cake.
DtM: The real reason Margaret and Dennis never reach adulthood; the Lockhorns have marital agony covered already.
9CL: So, do they hate Mary because she was mean to Amos, or because Amos lusted after her? No matter, she still seems to find him repulsive and he’s still too stupid to pick up on it.
JP: Sophie just wants out of Cavelton before more bodies start piling up.
Phantom:
“Da-a-a-d!”
“That’s right. Just blow my cover, you little twerp!”
FC: But Mommy, we’re out of toilet paper.
MW:
“Listen, Belle — you don’t want me to have to bring Mrs. Macron in to restore the social compact with you, okay?”
RMMD: Wanda doesn’t care if Truck is a lousy husband, she just doesn’t want to die an old maid.
Pickles – Until the final panel, I thought Opal was referring to something else with the “anchor in your pants” comment.
Daddy Daze – Through the third panel, I thought Daddy was referring to something else with his “one hand gets all the attention” comment.
Herb and Jamaal: Jamaal’s best bet for getting those razor blades is becoming editor-in-chief of The Atlantic and hoping Pete Hegseth puts the keys on a Signal chat. Or shop at Target, that works too.
MW: Today we discovered that one of Wilbur’s kinks is playing daddy by talking to his disturbed love interest as though she’s a mentally disabled child. Then again, he still treats Dawn like a six year old so it might not be a kink…or let’s hope not.
H&L: Any homeowner knows literal “window shopping” is a thing.
“No thank you, weird lady, but what do you think of these Andersons.”
Guy in H&L: “I’m not talking. Just blowing kisses to a fish.”
Hi and Lois: Man, I love Lois’ posture, like she’s casting around a bunch of midi-chlorians in search of her commission. “These are not the houses we’re looking for. We are looking for a contemporary split-level ranch in a neighborhood with great schools. Move along to your office and send us some listings.”
RMMD: “I know you’re nervous about getting married again, Truck. But there will be cake!”
GT: Um, Henry, it’s minuteS restriction, not minute restriction. I love this strip. Just about every day he or that “artist” screws up something.
JP: “Sophie, where’s Glen? What you need is a good . . . you know.”
MW: “And speaking of getting wet, little Willie could use some attention right now. Let’s go.”
Lois, this is a couple spending their free time at a public computer at the library looking at houses online. Unless you’re still living in 2006, I don’t think they’ll be buying anytime soon.
H&J: Shouldn’t it be “…buying razor blades is harder than it is to buy gov’t. secrets” you know parallelism and also (ha, ha) the death penalty.
RMMD: And HOW are you different from those exes, Wanda ‘Yes, this is my real hair!’ DinerDrudge? You are a waitress he picked up in the seedy diner where he mooches food and breaks your crockery. If you were 20 years younger you’d have ‘floozy’ written all over your face in that grotesque close-up. Move the camera down a few inches and you’d be Buck in a wig!
Luann: Tread carefully Shannon. I typically don’t hold with corporal punishment of children, but you ain’t a real girl and of all the characters in this strip, I think Bernice is the most likely to give you the ‘can’t sit down for a week’ spanking you so richly deserve, and have a great big smile on their face while administering it.
JP: I think the best thing about this strip is how down-to-earth, endearing and relatable the characters are.
SF: Nothing, Ted. The answer is nothing. You are a fugitive from a mental institution (along with your wife and daughter) that everyone inexplicably indulges by letting you crash in their office from 9 to 5 M-F. Thank your lucky stars you’re not in Ces’ ‘realistic’ strip otherwise you’d be in for a world of pain that makes “my daddy never said ‘I love you'” look like Mother Goose.
Also Hi and Lois: Pluggers know that you can open your mouth, but when your wife and the real estate agent get to talking, you won’t get a word in edgewise. — Abercrombie and Fitch, Ligonier Pennsylvania
6 Chix: Yes, Bianca, we’ve all been worried about you for some time now.
@The Quiet Man: I feel like if Bernice gave Shannon a spanking, she’d be imagining her as Luann and it would get very disturbing very fast.
CS: “. . . So I removed his gas cap and crammed a slush ball down the filler port, then drove back home. It was awesome!”
@Guts Dozier:
As a librarian myself, I can’t say that this is common behavior — but it also wouldn’t surprise me at all
H&J-Ripped from the headlines.
RMMD-“I won’t be asking for the same amount of alimony they ask for.”
-Looking for an employee to unlock the case (Annoyance)
-An employee finally comes over, walking with another customer (Mild Rage)
-Talks to the customer for 10 minutes (Rage)
-Takes the customer to the checkout to purchase their item and the SECOND your back is turned the employee just disappears again. (EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!)
I think today’s strip fell victim to Herb & Jamal‘s ongoing War on Specifics. The creators were probably thinking about how easy it was to steal Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s purse, or sit in on the Defense Secretary’s Signal conversation. They put the concept through H & J‘s Super Generalizer, and this is what came out.
H&L: What’s with the air quotes around “window shopping”? Is that code for something? Lois needs to get in on the mystery and role play: “I’m a real estate ‘agent.’ I can ‘show’ you some.”
H&L: The only way I can make sense of this is if they are filming an ad for realty services and either (1) the couple *seriously* flubbed their line asking what a realtor could do that the library computer couldn’t or (2) the next line in the ad is “avoid pinning yourself down with a realtor contract! avoid commissions! browse and window-shop with *no* *pressure* – on your phone or even a public computer, InsertAppHere is the best site to compare your home-buying options!”
MW: “fishy”. Little. Fishy. I haven’t spoken like that to my kids since they were preschool aged. If that’s how he’s rationalizing this, he ought to be puking at the thought of how he’s been doing “sweaty snugglebunnies” with someone with the mental age of a tiny child.
CS: Okay, “Batton”, let me get this straight: you invited yourself to a more famous cartoonist’s house in the middle of a snowstorm, caused a traffic hazard by stopping in the middle of the road, and it turned out you irritated the person you were rudely going to see? Sounds like just desserts to me. Did telephones not exist yet?
@The Quiet Man, Luann: Mrs. Horner could and would get away with it. Doing it, on the other hand, wouldn’t be necessary, because Sweet Old Ladies can summon their inner demon, colder than a Ghost Who Walks who forbids use of their Brand to sell stamps.
@lynn, 6C: Haven’t clicked, but I assumed she’s still going out with the sandwich.
GT: I look forward to Pops appearing to Gil and Dr. Pearl and poltergeisting them despite their very vocal objections in the name of Reality. And, of course, they will not mention a word to Luke and gaslight his experiences.
So… the writer of Herb and Jamaal has a first-hand experience with trying to find government secrets?
He could have said literally anything.
“Harder than lifting a 800 pound elephant with your bare hands.”
“Harder than building a skyscraper entirely out of toothpicks”
The line that was chosen just seems oddly specific.
@Cleveland Mocks: I just assumed that after their anorexic meltdown, Keri was allowed to play no more than a minute at a time. I mean, it’s soccer, not baseball. A lot can happen in a minute.
RMMD: “You know this ain’t my first go-round with matrimony, and I’m not rightly sure I actually de-vorced a couple of ’em. But I guess that’s not a problem… at least not so far. You got any more of this bacon?”
A while back, some of you were talking about old Hunchback of Notre Dame films.
I was browsing through an Archie comic book from maybe 10 years back, and I found an ad for a Lon Chaney “Quasimodo” action figure. From Universal’s “Man or a Monster…?” line.
It also had Mr. Hyde played by Boris Karloff.
It was very interesting to see. Surprising and refreshing actually, seeing how old those movies are.
FG: Hey, Bok. You know what this reminds me of? One time I flew non-stop from New York to LA and because of the time zones I arrived earlier than when I left. Pretty amazing, huh?
In these troubles times, life sucks. We need the excuse to laugh again.
Comic Strips are meant to provide those laughs, yet many of the punchlines lately are the writers just saying “Life sucks!”
Josh provides what they can’t. ACTUAL levity and humor.
Josh, you are awesome for what you do. Thank you.
HJ: I know that brevity is not Herb and Jamal‘s ‘thing’, but honestly: read that text aloud, including the ellipses, and try not to sound like one of those “Drunk Jeff Goldblum Apple ads”
H&L: Ha, get it? Because Microsoft Windows is a popular computer operating system? So ubiquitous that we forget about it, making jokes like this just kind of confusing on first glance? At least I think that’s what going on here. The other option is that there is just no gag at all, and that’s something we can’t discount either.
DT: Dick is disappointed that he didn’t get to use his roscoe.
MW: Wilbur – fat, dumb, and stupid – what a way to go through life. Dean Wormer would be aghast. Meanwhile Dawnie is trussed up, gagged and stuffed into a trunk waiting final disposal.
RMMD: It isn’t his first go around but he hadn’t met a woman like Wanda who is not going to put up his crap!
@CanuckDownSouth: Wilbur’s been into younger women because he thinks that he can outsmart them due to his experience with Dawn. Of course, that means he talks to them like he talks to Dawn.
Wary Morth:
For Wilbie Hon’s next birthday, Dawn (assuming she lives that long) could consider buying her father a brain.
H&J – The good news is that Jamaal only thought this lame joke instead of speaking it out loud. Of course, his own head could serve as sort of an open mic night, where he tries out material in front of smaller audiences. I hope he figures out that this one needs a rewrite.
Wrecks Moregone:
“Your exes weren’t in the habit of doing crazy-eyed extreme close ups like me!”
@The Rambling Otter:
I don’t think abusing salespeople is very FUNNY.
@Liam: “I won’t be asking for the same amount of alimony they ask for.”
The joke’s on her then. Truck’s been living out of his car/dingy motel room and mooches all his meals off the diner. You think he has any money to pay alimony? His most valuable asset is probably his car, but it’s probably all rusted out and reeks of beer and cigarettes. Kinda like Truck himself, HI-YO!
@Outraged: How is my comment funny? I was venting about how annoying it is.
@Outraged: Also how can it be “abusing” a Salesclerk if I literally never get a chance to speak/interact with them at all?
Questionable content:
Did Evans choose breasts bigger than her head as bulletproof padding for her inner components?
@Needless Exposition: You know what? I don’t care. Shannon stands alone as the character in this strip who, as far as I can recall, has never been shown to have a single redeeming quality or moment. She has never failed to be whiny, annoying, disrespectful of any and everyone she meets, gratuitously destructive of other people’s property as well as her own, plus emotionally manipulative when the moment called for it. So yeah, smack her across the face and then turn her backside redder than a hot stove. Maybe it’ll finally show the little brat that actions have consequences.
Again, if this were a real little girl we were talking about, my feelings would be 180 degrees in the opposite direction, but Shannon is a fictional creation of ink and paint. I feel no guilt whatsoever.
@The Quiet Man: “If this were a real little girl we were talking about, my feelings would be 180 degrees in the opposite direction, but Shannon is a fictional creation of ink and paint. I feel no guilt whatsoever.”
Agreed, I recall back when Sarah Morgan was hit by that car, everyone on Comics Kingdom were cracking jokes about it. One person then spoke up complaining about “Child Abuse” and “How would you like it if it was your daughter who was hit by the car?”
We had to explain to them, the difference between fiction and reality.
They didn’t get it.
Hmmm… my personal stalker on this site should probably be popping up to complain about the lack of ethics of this comment (without answering my questions towards their earlier comments)
MW: When Wilbur sees Belle about to eat Willa and doesn’t grasp what’s happening, it means six more weeks of this storyline.
Hi and Lois-“We’ve heard about what happened to that poor couple you showed the haunted house too.”
MW: I could get into why it’s so exceptionally gross that Wilbur is infantilizing Belle, and presumably going to hang a “If this bedroom is a-rocking, don’t come a-knocking” sign on the door to his bedroom…I could…I won’t but I could.
Crankshaft-Remember when this strip was about a disagreeable unpleasant bus driver named Crankshaft? Yeah neither does the writer.
@Outraged:
I agree! Filth! Hooligan!! Ruuuufffian!!!!
H&L: Lois doesn’t know these people, right? So the only explanation for this set-up is that she walked up to some random couple on a library internet computer and asked, “What are you looking at?” which is creepy and weird on more levels than I have time to get into right now.
@The Quiet Man: Believe me, I’m not a big fan of Shannon, either. She’s a nasty little brat who needs to be put in her place and I can’t bother to feel sorry for her when she makes everyone around her miserable. My brain more went to the idea that Bernice would be screaming Luann’s name while beating Shannon with her open hand.
MW: Does that goldfish have… hair?
Oh my goodness! We found the legendary Fur-Bearing Trout!
@The Rambling Otter: It’s sad when people to apply reality to comics, especially when it comes to fictional children who are either unrealistically mature or unbearable brats who get away with everything. I have never seen an actual child behave like Sarah Morgan or Shannon because most kids don’t behave like that.
Luann/Stone Soup: Shannon is very similar to Max from the late great Stone Soup: an obnoxious, universally despised brat with no self control who made everyone’s life around them miserable. Yet, when Jan Elliot retired, she said that was her favorite character. Something about total freedom from restraint must be very appealing to the artists.
H&L: Lois gets shot down before she can even start her House of the Seven Gables gothic overnight couples sex tour spiel.
Herb and Jamal – Jamal’s response to Josh:
“Shakespeare said brevity it the soul of wit….
But his plays are kind of long (at least they felt that way when last I read them for school)…
And wasn’t it probably Shakespeare who also said…
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones?”
Hi and Lois – High housing costs lead to gentrification of not only neighborhoods, but the institutions within them. A generation ago the image of the homeless person using library computers conjured up images of dirty old men looking at smut in public, but now it’s the “houseless” permanent renters using the library computers to lust after properties they have no chance of ever living in.
Lois will petition to have Zillow and other listing services banned on library WiFi to protect her kids from having to interact with such low-income people who failed to buy a home 40 years ago.
Herb and Jamaal: So I’m guessing the punchline is “retail stores secure high theft items because people steal a lot of them”?
Herb & Jamaal manages to craft a joke that feels like when you’re going down stairs without looking and there’s one stair fewer than you thought so you involuntarily try to stomp your way into the ground, and at the same time the opposite feeling when there’s one more step than you thought at the top of the stairs and your feet attempt to launch you into the heavens. I think because that extra beat in the punchline is such a massive nothing. “Discover secret government codes”? What does he think that means? By what process does one set out to discover these codes? What makes it difficult? What secrets are the codes hiding? And are we talking about some fantastical secret world government or like, Kublai Khan’s messengers who historically in fact had an extremely simple code to crack in the form of an emblem they carried that just said “I’m the Khan’s messenger, if you touch me you die.” Man just say it’s harder than getting a Covid vaccine or something, don’t strain yourself.
C’shaft: I don’t know why Battom is telling Skip all these anecdotes about how lame and desperate for attention he was early in his career. Does he think that if he’s self-deprecating enough we won’t notice how lame and desperate for attention he is now?
Dustin: In the beat panel, Dustfriend is thinking, “Wait, ‘polarizing’? Did he mean to say ‘polarized’ and misspoke, or is he seriously asking if my sunglasses are controversial? The former would make more sense, but if I go with that he might actually figure out I’m smarter than him. Better play it safe.”
Luann: It’s hard to be more joyless than “let’s pretend we’re working in a soul-crushing warehouse,” but Bernice manages.
MW: I know Wilbur is desperate for any kind of romantic relationship, but the way he’s avoiding admitting Belle’s Chinese Labor Day amount of red flags is a new low even for him. He’s like the Stephen Nedoroscik of mental gymnastics.
RMMD: Exactly how many exes are we talking about here, Truck? Because to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to divorce one time may be regarded as a misfortune, to divorce twice looks like carelessness, and at three or more you really need to start looking at the common denominator.
Six Chix – Bianca’s better than OK, Bianca’s Mom! We’ve got whimsical Yellow Submarine-ish art and an actual joke today! They must have finally found the right meds.
@Acacia: Retail stores secured “high value” items as an overreaction to the Floyd protests, shoplifting during the pandemic and the constant right-wing gaslighting that American cities where Blacks and immigrants live are sites of “carnage” and in the throes of a crime wave. It’s a set-up that an ambitious Black writer might have twisted to provide an interesting perspective, but not this time.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’m going into the city. I’ll take Route 58.”
“That road’s lined with billboards of sexy women”
“Are you going to see a prostitute?”
“I can’t wait to hear you explain”
“Why you are in my car”
@Needless Exposition: I wonder if we’re supposed to see Shannon’s behavior as “cute little kid chaos” or as a manifestation of the uncertainty and desperation for attention and validation she must feel being passed from temporary caretaker to temporary caretaker, none of whom particularly want to have anything to do with her. Either way, she’s insufferable from an audience viewpoint so the purpose is defeated.
Herb And Jamaal: I’m guessing this is an attempt at “topical” commentary on that news story from awhile ago about a journalist who accidentally got added to a Signal chat between government employees. If so, it actually provides a pretty good case study of why newspaper comic satire sucks so much. Leaving aside the fact that its talking about news that’s about to be two months old as if its still the hot new thing, it also clearly has no knowledge about what the incident actually entailed beyond whatever vague Sparknotes summary the writer heard while at the grocery store checkout.
Hi And Lois: Love the implication here that Lois advertises her services as a real estate agent by just lurking around places that offer public internet access and pestering random people she sees using Zillow.
FC:
Jeffy, how many times have I told you NOT to rip the pages out of my magazines!?
“But Daddy says this rag is only good for toilet paper!
@TheDiva: She would be more sympathetic if she actually showed that her bad behavior was a cry for help/attention rather than only being a brat who gets away with it by pulling the neglected child card.
Her boobs are shrinking. Maybe they get a good pump up from Glen.
Manley seems inconsistent these days with the sweater puppies.
“It’s OK. We’re just ‘Linux Ubuntu shopping.'”
“Ah, so you’re nerds with no money. Bye!”
@TheDiva: @Needless Exposition:
On the other hand, if Shannon is supposed to be a horrible burden you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, it’s weird that the strip only ever calls out Jonah over passing the buck like this, when pretty much every character always tries to either pass her off to someone else, or to ignore her as hard as possible.
Well, IMHO.
@Anonymous: The Evansii seem to think that Shannon is some precocious little imp and try to insert her in a variety of ways. You know, ignoring the fact that she’s horribly spoiled and neglected with no one taking responsibility for her. Even Angelica from the Rugrats was punished more than Shannon, occasionally for things that weren’t even her fault.
@The Rambling Otter: #43
Ditto! :-)
@Ukranazi Stepan: #47
Even a bargain-basement, “Dollar General”-type brain would be a vast improvement.
@Needless Exposition: Yeah, there are ways you could make Shannon more sympathetic, but leaving her on the bench is by far the best move. Child characters in otherwise adult storytelling environments are almost universally hated by the audience. Especially when the story drops a much more promising angle (Luann possibly growing up and entering into an adult relationship) to do it.
@Pozzo: @Guts Dozier: Us.
Maybe Herb and Jamaal are referring to recent government leaks.
H&J – It’s harder than age verification on Pornhub….
H&L – That’s code for fuck you and your 6%….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Needless Exposition:
Bernice would be screaming Luann’s name while beating Shannon with
her open handa large stick.@Astroboy: Pack up your troubles in an old Belle Jar and smile, smile, smile….
@brendancalling: A 2×4, perhaps?
H&J: The secret code to which Jamaal refers actually exists! It opens a safe in the White House (cleverly hidden behind a portrait of Harry Truman) where the U.S. Government hides its historic pornography collection, which dates back to the mid-18th century. (Apparently Betsy Ross raised a few flags, if you know what I mean!)
H&L: The man and woman pegged Lois for a realtor as soon as she entered the library and giggled excitedly. They were the Open House Stranglers, a sadistic pair responsible for murdering at least three other real estate agents. “Get her attention, but be subtle,” the man said.
MW: Sweet Poseidon! Thank goodness Sid’s Intern got here in time to get Wilbur back into the scene! I thought I was sushi! Calm down, calm down. Serenity now… the water never felt so good!
I can’t believe I was so wrong about Belle! I thought I was her friend, not her appetizer! It’s like I was drugged – maybe it was the FishFlakes – boy, I could use some right now… No, I’ve got to keep my head straight. I thought they would fire the Belle actress after she tried to really EAT me, but looks like she’s gonna stay?? And Wilbur is just clueless! What to do, what to do? I hope Intern is right that Sid’s really on top of all this…
Well, I just got a text from Sid – he says I’m all over the internet! Getting raves for my show-stopping performance! Setting a new standard for Fish-in-Peril scenarios! And! I’m a shoo-in for several awards! Does it count if I wasn’t really ACTING?
@Willa G. Fish: Girl, you deserve an Emmy for that performance…and a big fat compensation check.
“Windows shopping” the phrase you’re looking for is “Windows shopping” the ‘S’ is important. It’s what makes it a joke.
MW – Belle’s gonna boil Willa, right? That’s next? “But you said it needed to stay in the water!” makes me think that’s what’s coming next.
Or maybe she’ll boil Dawn. Anyhow, life is brutal.
H & L : I’m no punchline expert, but given that real estate offices have literal windows in which they put up enticing homes to peruse, that joke might have been funnier in a sidewalk setting?
Of course, then you’d have to sacrifice the extremely cutting-edge Zillow (and possibly Windows™??) reference.
@Guillermo el chiclero: MW: Wilbur’s thinking, “Oh boy, a dumb chick! Those are the best kind! I can talk her into doing anything!”
Reminds me of Anthony Jeselnik and his slow, careful delivery: “When I meet a new woman, the FIRST thing I look for is INTELLIGENCE. If she doesn’t at least have that, *shrug* then she’s MINE.”
Mary Worth – I can’t decide if Wilbur is that obtuse or if he thinks that Belle will stop boinking him if he calls her out for trying to murder his fish.
June Brigman did a great job with Willa’s expression and Belle’s crazy eyes.
Rex Morgan – It looks like we’re in for at least a week of this. Where did Beatty get the idea that these two are beloved characters? Oh, well, at least there are no upchin views of them talking on their phones. Yet.
9CL – Yeah, the girls are well known for being paragons of morality and honor.
Buried lede: Edda’s right arm was amputated at the elbow just before the last panel.
Herb and Jamaal / Hi and Lois: Josh made two seemingly unrelated jokes today, about “secret government codes” and outdated versions of Windows. But it turns out that secret government codes are being stored on outdated versions of Windows! Have I solved the hidden quiz, just like an especially bright grade-school fan of Slylock Fox? Or am I seeing connections that aren’t really there, like an especially bright fan of John Nash in A Beautiful Mind? Only my psychiatrist knows for sure, and he’s taking the summer off.
@Outraged: Is abusive a sales person funny if they’re a bad imitation of Frank Nelson?
*Abusing*
Green-shirt companion is clearly talking — mouth open eyebrows raised — yet has no word balloon. There must have been a line cut for space. Perhaps, “Who even are you? Have you been stalking us online?”
H&J-Is harder than it is getting the razors out of the package.
6Chx: Wow, Bianca’s mother still walks among us? Imagine how proud she must be of her little girl!
Fiona’s Mom: “Fiona is doing so well these days! She got a job at a telephone call center!”
Olivia’s Mom: “Olivia is working as a dentist’s receptionist!”
Bianca’s Mom: “HEY, BARKEEP! WHO DO I HAVE TO FUCK TO GET ANOTHER DRINK AROUND HERE?”
S4th: Speaking of Yellow Submarine art, looks like Little Ted was heavily influenced by all the Peter Max posters dad hung around the house.
Crank: It’s amazing how considering the likelihood that an otherwise dull anecdote is probably something that really happened to Batty actually manages to make it even duller.
DT: You know what else is pretty sketchy? That Dick now has a hologram of Lovejoy on his Wrist Wizard, something we did not see Lovejoy consenting to, presumably so he can ask museum staff “Did you see anyone acting suspicious? Was it this guy? Is it possible it might have been this guy?”
MW: Yesterday, I used the word “fishy” as part of a satirical illustration of how absurd it would be if Wilbur actually bought this, and what that would say about his view of Bats. Today, Wilbur uses the same word while actually buying this. The term “beyond parody” gets thrown around a lot, but…
(On another note, I’ve just realised that nobody’s done a “Fish are friends, not food!” joke yet, and I wanted to get that out there before the story
moves ondrifts away.)Okay the couple in Hi and Lois is creeping me out. I didn’t need the wife’s aggressive reader-facing expression in the first panel, nor the husband paralyzed in a “I’m saying something pithy” posture while saying nothing. They remind me of the elderly couple mentioned in Glengarry Glen Ross – “The people are insane. They just like talking to salesmen.” Keep walking, Lois, and don’t turn around.
Jihadi Colin/Ukranazi Stepan in real life.
Yes, that is I (not the one with the turban……..obviously) .
@Needless Exposition: With a rusty nail or 6.
LUANN: Firmly set juvenile will vs firmly set teen indifference. Does Bern know the power of distraction?
ZITS: Ouch. Yesterday and today’s strips are on the nose.
BETTY: Betty learns why Frazz is not universally loved.
GA: This is not how real chicken tractors look or function. In the Wikipedia explanation of chicken tractors, and in the Greater Cowplop area where they are used, a chicken tractor is floorless. The tractor is floorless so the chickens have access to fresh grass and weeds and bugs while still being protected from predators (foxes, Cooper’s hawks, etc.) The chickens, of course, stay inside the tractor. And often the tractor roof is partly or mostly wire so the chickens can stand in the sunlight if they want.
After the chickens eat and churn up the grass and weeds and bugs in one location, which doesn’t take long, the tractor is moved, so it is constantly rotated from place to place around the pasture. That’s why the tractor has wheels, and the whole process does fertilize the land. The tractor also has water dishes. And some tractors are big enough to hold a few dozen birds.
What this strip shows us seems to be an open-air predator cafeteria. Good luck, chickens! But come to think of it, the chickens in GA have been known to talk, so maybe they also carry little guns.
@The Rambling Otter:
#43. R. Otter: it’s only Tuesday, you may need to do a COTW appeal on Thursday.
@Vanya:
#73. Vanya, in fact some chains used it to their advantage. A major pharmacy announced it wanted to close X no. of marginal stores. Within a week all security had been pulled from our neighborhood store, so thieves of course stole. The store then closed because of theft.
MW: Everyone is bent about Belle almost eating Willa, but nobody ever seems to blink an eye when Mary serves up those overloaded trays of salmon squares. I don’t get it. The salmon ALSO had a name, a family, friends from school, hopes and dreams, aspirations! And yet not a WORD when Every. Single. Charterstone. Resident gnoshes down on those little pinkish appetizers. Why is that?
It’s all in the translation, really. When Jamaal says “is harder,” he means “is easier,” and when he says “to discover secret government codes,” he means “to make a Herb and Jamaal strip that DOESN’T make me question the existence of a just God.”
yLuann: I know Jonah is the Bad Dad Actor, but doesn’t the kid go to school or have some other friends or why doesn’t Jonah just hook up with a Nanny-With-Benefits, also known as a girlfriend?
@Lauralot:
Oh, come now, THAT would happen either way
@Charterstoned: I am not convinced that Mary’s salmon squares have ever been near a real fish. They’re made out of science chemicals and other people’s despair. (The despair means they’re not vegan, so Dawn can’t have them.)
@Horace Broon: So, what you’re saying is, those salmon squares are actually little squares of Spam? Well, that makes a lot of sense, come to think of it. All Mary has to do is pry the little key off the side of the can, fit it onto the leading tab, and twist it until the top of the can opens to reveal the pinkish block resting in that gelatinous protective substance they use to prevent a “coup-contra coup” effect when the can is jostled in shipping. Rinse off the gelatinous substance, pat dry, then slice into those squares and pass them off as a salmon-based mixture lovingly formed into a geometric shape. Using Spam probably saves her at least two hours each time. And who’s to know the difference?
MW-“Since I can’t blow your fish maybe I should blow something else.”
@Activist: Just yesterday I was walking home and shoplifters ran out of the local CVS with that most valuable to goods, Glad Bags. Resealable ones, too. Guess I know what will be locked up next.
Hi and Lois is creeping me out because house-huntin’ wife looks like a grown-up Trixie, her three hair thingies having evolved into a luxurious if asymetrical mane of blondeness.
@Charterstoned:
Key? Spam is straight, glorious pull-tab. You gotta go to corned beef for that weirdass, Still-1943-Horrible can effect.
@A Grave Mind: VINTAGE Spam used a key. Only vintage Spam would be used in Mary’s salmon squares.
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wNrAvh6dfC0/VZMNsGCNIQI/AAAAAAAADsA/f7W3Uhr4Tg0/s1600/SPAM.jpg
@Charterstoned: re MW: Well, just goes to show what happens when Salmon don’t have good representation or life coaching. I guarantee that no Salmon client of mine ever ended up on Mary’s platter. It’s all about putting yourself out there, making a name for yourself, and using the right PR. *Then* they’ll mourn you when you’re gone….
And Willa deserves all the acclaim, buzz, and audience engagement she’s getting! Of course she can be a little naive at times, but we’re workin’ that as part of her charm. And now it seems the danger will continue “in the water” as we look forward to more
thrustingaction!!@Charterstoned: I’m with Horace on this one. The unnatural coloring of Mary’s food suggests that she’s definitely not cooking anything that can be considered remotely edible or with anything that has had life at any point.
CS: If this Roger Bollan is such a successful cartoonist why does he live in a shacky little 1950s tract house with a one car garage and drives a VW bug? Kind of makes sense, though as to his car. Never owned an old bug but they supposedly could handle snow real well. The rear engine put all the weight on the rear wheels for traction and being air-cooled you never had to worry about your radiator freezing over. Their heater-defrosters didn’t work for shit, though.
Hey, Sid,
Listen, Pal, I just heard from a cellmate that my ex-girlfriend, Belle, has been working the aquarium circuit and is trying to pull off a hit on the daughter of some chump named Wilbur. Trust me, Belle is not after the girl, she wants the fish. The girl is just a diversion. My guess is, your client is looking at getting deep-sixed.
The reason I know this is because we broke up after Belle went after my secretary and forged some legal documents over my signature, all so she could get in with the Fishmonger’s Union on the wharf. That group runs with the crooks who own The Bum Boat which, as I’m sure you already know, is a rundown joint on the waterfront in Santa Royale. But that lousy restaurant is just a cover for their illegal fish trade—and you can believe me when I say the illegal fish trade is worth big bucks.
Your client Willa needs to watch her back—or her dorsal fin, or whatever. Belle knows Willa is no feeder fish, but one of the rarest breeds, and worth more dough than you would guess. The girl—what’s her name? Dawn?—not worth worrying about.
Just thought you could use the tip.
Your friend,
Goulde
P.S. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Your “intern” is the brains of the organization.
@Needless Exposition: So, then, you agree that it’s Spam…?
H&J: IIRC chain stores have been locking up shaving supplies and deodorant for about five years now, but if Jamaal is however obliquely referring to Signalgate that’s shockingly recent.
H&L: Lois apparently has an alert set on her phone that lets her know when anyone in town surfs the real estate sites. You know, for all the good it does her.
@Voshkod:
#113. Voshkod, makes sense to me! Little baggies are valued by unhoused people to store their toiletries and papers. But mostly valuable to drug dealers who need them by the box for distribution. Large, garbage can sized bags are prized to protect possessions after an eviction.
9CL: All these years later Mary Rosenzweig is still hanging out with Edda and Amos, which is her first mistake.
C-Shaft: Obviously Batton Thomas is still with us but in the last panel it looks like his expired head is pressed down on the car horn.
DT: Dick’s knuckles sigh when they haven’t had a chance to smash a punk’s face recently.
GT: The Milford girls’ soccer broadcasts must attract a pretty white-wine-and-canapes audience if the precious Art Nouveau font in the scorebox is any indication.
Lockhorns: “Put things in instead of on”? Someone wash Loretta’s mouth out with soap. She’s working blue again.
MW: Wilbur should put Belle out on her ear right then and there but I guess as a fish fancier he’s distracted by her salmon top.
Phantom: The TWWWEEE sound effect indicates a Bandar disc jockey queueing up some twee pop bangers from the likes of Talulah Gosh and the Field Mice. The natives aren’t all keen on being colonized by the British but often enjoy the cultural exchange.
RMMD: Truck is a country singer-songwriter so I’m assuming that yes, his first few tries at matrimony are well documented.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Yeah, there was a Judge Judy case where a guy owed his Ex-Girlfriend several thousand dollars, but instead of paying that, he bought tires for his expensive car (350 dollars each, which was a lot more in 1996) so his ex slashed his tires in retaliation (or so he claims)
Judge Judy said that he should have sold/traded in his expensive car for a VW Bug, 50 dollars each for the tires, so he can focus the rest of the money on paying the debt.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Yeah, Wilbur’s reaction is very understated. Why did the strip spend a week setting up this attack on his beloved pet – a threat that with potential to be genuinely scary – if he’s just going to not care? He cares more about his fish than his child, but he doesn’t care about his fish either? Are they trying to establish what an awful person Wilbur is? Well, not intentionally…
@Charterstoned: It’s probably the generic equivalent which has less quality and less qualms.
@Banana Jr. 6000: If it was his son, Stellan, Belle would be tossed out on her ass but Willa is the consolation prize i.e. the Estelle of the fish. She’s merely the “best buddy” which is a term that Wilbur has thrown around for whoever he could try to con his alcoholic drink of choice out of.
@The Rambling Otter:
Well then maybe you should have a hissy fit and fire an obscenity at some guy in San Diego who came up with an innocuous idea for Pluggers.
@P.S.:
ShouldN’T have
GT- 2-0? In soccer that’s considered a blowout.
CS: The VW bug (and a very good rendering, BTW) pretty much tells us what decade this story takes place but I can’t place what early 70s shitbox Batton is driving. It’s not a Ford Pinto, not a Chevy Vega, not an AMC Gremlin. Could be one of the early Japanese imports like a Honda Civic or a Datsun B210. Maybe one of you gear heads out there can name it.
@P.S.: That’s it?
You’re holding a grudge over something that I said 3 days ago. And you’re calling me out on being dramatic?
@Activist: Probably dealers, then. Makes sense.
@P.S.:
Oh, fuff. C’mon, nobody from San Diego does a Pluggers. Should’ve gone with, like, Ames, Iowa. Next time!
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Coals, meet Newcastle.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I hope it IS an AMC Gremlin, so that a schoolbus driver will run him off the road.
MW: Sorry, but this level of forced camp isn’t enough for me. I will settle for nothing less than Belle actually eating the fish.
@The Rambling Otter: Add to that that when the employee eventually comes back from break, he’ll have misplaced the sole set of keys to the cabinet you need into.
@Little Guy: Because Toni married Brad instead?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Can’t be a B210 — it isn’t covered with rust yet.
The window shopper looks like she was drawn by a different artist
@Activist: I have thanked and/or praised Josh on occasion, and I can testify that his calm majestic objective COTW judgment did not seem to be affected at all. And in my experience on this site, which I think began in 2005(!!), it was ever thus.
@Little Guy: I think the term now might be bang nanny. And it says something about Jonah that since he first appeared in the strip with Shannon, he has apparently never had a girlfriend or been willing/able to pony up for paid childcare even briefly. Yuck.
@Noel: It would save us a lot of time if things went the other way. Willa suddenly turning into a Great White shark, say.
@A Grave Mind: Wait a minute. As an Iowan, I must point out that Ames (along with Des Moines and a few others) is regarded as one of the more cultured and sophisticated Iowa towns. Perhaps you meant Ionia or What Cheer.
@The Rambling Otter: aw, thank you!
We need a situation where Lois can just randomly come across someone browsing the internet for homes in a public setting. I know, the library! The library? Who goes to the library to use a computer to look for homes? Oh, they’re homeless? That makes sense. A homeless couple would indeed need a public computer to look for homes. What about a coffee shop? That’s a public place. Oh, right they’re homeless. Homeless people wouldn’t go someplace to look for a home because you’d need your own computer. Ok, the library it is. This stuff writes itself sometimes.
@114 Charterstoned: Oh. You totally misread the dish’s name. Mary serves Sammon™ Squares. The SantaRoyMart stocks the sammon™ next to the krab™ meat.
@Poteet:
True condolences, Poteet. Went with college football knowledge to pick a spot. Mixed with a buddy from the Marines from Iowa, who told me he grew up “next to corn.” No real shot, meant. Shoulda gone with “Skunkcabbage, Montana.”
@135 Banana Jr. 6000: Wilbur has only enough blood to fill one head at a time. You can guess (ugh) which he’s thinking with. Ugh.
LUANN: What a horrid brat. But Bernice can blame herself for letting Luann shove her into this position, and Luann is an idiot for letting Jerk Jonah persuade her that his problem is her problem. In LUANN, it’s obnoxiousness all the way down.
MW: The ultra-realism in this comic is almost unnerving: the intelligence depicted by Willa’s facial expression versus Wilbur’s.
Cut them some slack. They came here to conjure up some sympathy from people they don’t know.
@Baja Gaijin: Huh. Well, maybe you could work Sammon into a Late Thread Cuisine recipe. I’ve been using your same recipe from last November and could stand changing up the menu.
The entire comic strip would have redeemed itself if Jamaal’s last word balloon instead read, “…to simply break in later tonight.”
@163 Charterstoned: I couldn’t find a sammon recipe. I found something equally as awful.
@Baja Gaijin: I really dislike salmon, but I would eat salmon loaf.
Frankly I adore all meat/fish loaves and meat/fish balls. John Thorne has called meatballs the sustenance of “students and revolutionaries,” two descriptions I am proud to accept, even at my advanced age.
@pugfuggly: I’d have a hard time putting my finger on why that slowed-down Goldblum spiel is funny but it cracks me up.
@Baja Gaijin: The olive eye and the mouth full of parsley take that to a whole other level.
I like salmon, and the stuffing looks kind of boring but probably tastes ok. I was leaning positive on that until they drowned it in Hollandaise sauce. Nope.
I am a fan of fish and seafood and like almost every kind of fish.
@168 I speak Jive: It looks as if it’s barfing parsley. The brussels sprouts seem to be some kind of bizarre roe.
@Baja Gaijin: Ooooh, bringing back the Late Thread Cuisine?
@170 The Rambling Otter: Probably not. Looking at that salmon was nauseous-making.
“…but discovering secret government codes is in fact a significantly more difficult process!”
Not at Mar-a-Lago.
@Ukulele Ike:
#166. Ike, between friends– the key to incredible meatballs, of whatever kind as long as they contain diced onion, is to brown all sides in hot oil before covering with sauce and baking. My mom’s secret, so don’t tell anyone else!
@Ukulele Ike:
#166. Ike, between friends– the key to incredible meatballs, of whatever kind as long as they contain diced onion, is to brown all sides in hot oil before covering with sauce and baking. My mom’s secret, so don’t tell anyone else!
@Baja Gaijin: That looks like a meal from a 1950’s-era cookbook with a title like “When He Brings the Boss and His Wife Home for Dinner”—you know, for housewives who have nothing better to do with their time all day than decorate dead fish for dinner. Although I must say you have to hand it to them for the olive eye. Very realistic. But they were really into olives in the 1950’s. Olive martinis, olive loaf, olive bread. Olive Oyl. That particular fish exhibits too much pathos, though, which the olive eye only emphasizes. It’s such a downer. After all that work, the little woman will inadvertently sink hubby’s chance for that hoped-for promotion and raise when she presents the dead fish and instantly turns smiles of anticipation into open-mouthed gasps of horror. The boss’s wife will suddenly remember that she left the iron on and the couple will quickly make their exit. In fact, the Salmon a la Mortuary is a recipe for failure.
I’d toss that cookbook, Baja.
Stores lock up merchandise because thieves go in with large backpacks or trash bags and empty the shelves. With self check out stores now have a minimum number of minimum wage employees who are not going to risk getting beat up trying to stop them. The merchandise gets sold online or on the street.
@175 Charterstoned: It’s a recipe card from 1973. 1973! Ukulele Ike was in college, getting laid at every turn!