Archive: Hi and Lois

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Dustin, 3/10/24

Hey kids, let Grandpa Josh tell you about the Do-Not-Call List! Starting in the mid ’00s in the United States, you could put your phone number on a list and it became simply illegal for telemarketers to call you! It wasn’t a perfect system — political fundraisers successfully sued to be exempted for First Amendment reasons, for instance — but it immediately eliminated a huge percentage of unwanted phone calls, and, combined with increasingly widespread caller ID features, made using the phone a much more pleasant experience. Unfortunately, this paradise only lasted a few years, and by the ’10s people figured out that they could bypass the list, using voice-over-internet technology to make phone calls ostensibly “from” U.S. numbers even though they could originate anywhere in the world. Since these calls are all illegal, there are no legit telemarketers anymore, so people’s phones are bombarded by scam after scam. Old people who remember a world where phone calls were a useful form of communication still answer and get bamboozled, while younger people who grew up with other ways to connect find the scams yet another reason to think of talking on the phone as a repellent act and are wont to simply never answer a phone call.

Anyway, my point is that Dustin is a product of the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, and while usually you can tell because its central conceit is based on a world of high youth unemployment that simply no longer exists, there are other clues that all of its action takes place 15 years ago, such as an ostensible early twentysomething knowing what a “Do-Not-Call List” is.

Dick Tracy, 3/10/24

I will admit that I have not been following this Dick Tracy/Little Orphan Annie crossover very closely, so I don’t remember if Dick has already interacted with these two undercover kidnappers, but it would be very funny if he hasn’t. “As far as he’s concerned, we’re just the dumb housekeepers!” [Later, Dick sees them for the first time] “Warbucks, don’t worry about these two people waving guns at us. They’re just the dumb housekeepers! Which you can tell by, uh, just look at them. It’s fine. They’re probably using the guns for cleaning purposes.”

Hi and Lois, 3/10/24

I gotta say, if you asked me to come up with the meanest possible parody answer to the question of “What would a legacy newspaper cartoonist say was their favorite part of Daylight Savings Time,” it would 100% absolutely be “Hooray, an extra hour for more golf!”

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Hi and Lois, 2/17/24

In a happier family, Hi would relay this story with a rueful smile on his face, acknowledging that it was a disappointing game while still emphasizing that bowling is hard for little kids and everyone had a good time hanging out together. In a kinder family, if Hi were going to tell this story with a facial expression implying that the experience made him miserable and his youngest son inspires nothing but shame and contempt in his heart, he’d at least do it where Ditto couldn’t see or hear him.

Beetle Bailey, 2/17/24

Speaking of the unhappy Flagston-Bailey clan, I like that today’s Beetle Bailey doesn’t trust readers to understand that these two older characters talking about how “Beetle doesn’t write letters home anymore” are supposed to be Beetle’s parents. I’d like to think that the original draft only had one parent-themed coffee mug but the syndicate sent it back and said “No, this needs to be twice as obvious.”

Dennis the Menace, 2/17/24

Margaret should not be looking so happy here, she should absolutely be thinking to herself “I can’t believe this moron doesn’t even know the word ‘candelabra.’”

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Hi and Lois, 2/9/24

I have not been on the “dating scene” since I met my wife-to-be back in 2002, but I try to keep abreast of the discourse and the lingo and I’m pretty sure that “ghosting” someone means that you simply cut off contact with them without telling them why. You do not need to begin the process by sending ghost emojis. Maybe I’m wrong, but if I’m in a battle of with-it-ness with Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, well, let’s just say I like my odds.

Blondie, 2/9/24

Hey, fun fact, did you know that Dagwoods reproduce asexually? True story, a Dagwood will bud an identical genetic clone who, upon reaching maturity, will kill and eat his father/original. This is not really relevant to this specific strip, but you can really see here that the younger Dagwood’s growth process is almost complete and that the elder Dagwood’s Time is almost upon him. Kelly is correct to steer clear!

Dennis the Menace, 2/9/24

“Anyway, where do you think our parents are? It’s been weeks!”