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Family Circus, 6/13/18

I’m not sure who’s reactive facial expression in this panel I love more: Sam, striking a noble pose and working very hard to look like he can’t understand what Jeffy is talking about, that his position as morally superior to the other Keane dog, named “Barfy” for what I assume are obvious reasons, is still intact; or Mommy, cringing inside, worrying that Jeffy doesn’t need any sort of even vague hint that peeing on the floor is, in fact, an option.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/13/18

FUN FACT: did you know that even in the blessed afterlife, where we’ll spend eternity glorying in the close companionship of God, we will, eventually, grow bored with our existence, and seek new and ever more extreme ways to stimulate ourselves? And that without the prospect of bodily infirmity or death to create a natural end to this process, it can only escalate? Suddenly Lucifer’s rebellion against his Creator becomes easier to understand!

Spider-Man, 6/13/18

“–you need a refresher course in Spider-Man 101! First lesson: you’d think the whole point of spider-sense would be that it warns me about stuff when I’m not paying attention. But turns out nope! Turns out I have to be paying very close attention for it work. And if you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Wow, that’s pretty lame, and not really very impressive at all,’ well, wait till you hear about the rest of my whole deal!”

Pluggers, 6/13/18

You’re a plugger if you’ve had ten years, literally a decade, to figure out what the App Store is, but you just haven’t, and you have no plans to do so going forward, either.

Hi and Lois, 6/13/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because the baby has crippling anxiety that prevents her from experiencing uncomplicated happiness for more than a brief moment!

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Gil Thorp, 6/12/18

If there’s one thing Gil Thorp is committed to, it’s the lore, so yeah, I guarantee there was a Gil Thorp plot years back about a star baseball prospect who accidentally lost a finger or three to a grain thresher, and I’m devastated that I missed it. Mostly what I love here is how completely Kevin Pelwecki, a delusional quarterback wannabe who, thanks to obsessively watching YouTube videos, has turned out to be Actually Good at baseball, takes this information in stride. A baseball player with a mutilated hand? A football player who accidentally cut off his leg with a chainsaw? It’s all par for the course around the Milford athletic department!

Six Chix, 6/12/18

So, imagine you have a dog holding other dogs at gunpoint yelling “DROP THE BONES!” Would it be funny? No, not at all. Would you at least be able to parse what’s happening? Yes, for the most part. Now, imagine that the “gun” is drawn so that it might not be a gun, but it still looks kind of like one, and the gun(?)-weilding dog also makes a reference to an “app” of some sort. Would you be able to parse that? Not anymore! But would it be funny now? Not really! Anyway, you don’t have to imagine all this, because it just got printed across America, in several newspapers!

Shoe, 6/12/18

The Tip O’Neil-esque bird-senator in Shoe is named Batson Belfrey (it’s wordplay, get it????) and I guess the bat logo on the front of his podium is part of a personal branding effort. I’d like to imagine that today’s somewhat labored punchline is a result of a new Shoe intern being told to write dialogue for a pre-drawn strip without really being given any background, and they saw the bat and thought, “Well, is he … goth? I guess he’s a goth senator? And goths like the Addams Family, right?”

Hi and Lois, 6/12/18

The two garbage men looked at each other in mounting horror. Irma had worn them down over the period of months, with both carrots and sticks they wouldn’t talk about, even to each other, until they said they’d take her husband’s body to the dump. But when the agreed day arrived, it wasn’t what they had signed up for at all. He was still alive. But they were in too deep now. They had no choice.

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Blondie, 6/2/18

Ha ha, women, am I right? Always forcing you to help maintain your household instead of interacting with your friends because they’re petty tyrants who don’t love you, am I right???

Hi and Lois, 6/2/18

You could interact with your friends but if you do your wife won’t feed you and there’s no way you or your friends could feed yourselves because you’re men!!!!! Women, right fellas??????

Marvin, 6/2/18

Ha ha, women!!!! Forcing you to do your chores but then also working their way through their own chores like a dead-eyed zombie!!! It’s like, make your your mind, lady!!! Adult life truly is a hell!!!!!!!!