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Mary Worth, 7/31/25

I guess the “Olive uses her psychic powers to save Mary from certain death” moment was just a prelude to the main plot, “Olive gets bullied,” which, as far as I’m concerned, BORING [comically exaggerated snoring noises]. There’s been lots of dark talk about how Olive’s psychic “gifts” come with “challenges,” which I guess means these girls are bullying her because she’s psychic, and I’m sorry, but the kids today have access to both the original Carrie with Sissy Spacek and the 2013 remake with Chloë Grace Moretz, so they should know that you do not want to antagonize the weird psychic girl! You want to be kind to her, so that once she snaps and starts using her powers to explode the heads of her enemies, she’ll accept you as an acolyte! Youths are not prepared for the reality of the modern-day educational landscape!

Crankshaft, 7/31/25

At first I assumed “old people” here was a euphemism for “unadventurous white midwesterners,” but unadventurous white midwesterners will fuckin’ go to town on jalapeño poppers and hot wings, so I genuinely don’t know what Ed’s after here. Can his increasingly rickety digestive system simply no longer handle spice? Does he need some nice lady to cut corn off the cob right there at his table, or possibly chew it up and spit it into his mouth?