A real force of alcoholic nature
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The Lockhorns, 9/8/25
Now, one of Loretta’s running gripes with Leroy is that he doesn’t make enough money for her tastes, so we can be certain that her shoe spending allowance could not have been the difference between profitability and insolvency for this store. We must assume that this is Leroy doing yet another bit as part of their long-running marital conflict. Not sure if we’re meant to understand that she’s just off-panel, seething, or if she’s not even there and he’s just doing what needs to be done to make sure there’s a baseline level of anti-Loretta sentiment in the community.
Andy Capp, 9/8/25
Are you, an American, worried that you’ll attend a snooker tournament at some point in the future and you won’t be up on the lingo? Fear not: thanks to Andy Capp, you now know that you can casually say to a companion, about someone doing well, “Boy, he [or she, I assume women are allowed to play snooker] can sure pot those balls!” The comics really are a source of cultural enrichment and must be protected as a medium, possibly with a generous government subsidy.
Mary Worth, 9/8/25
“I too would enjoy the trip, but not so much that I’m going to make up any kind of specific reason why I can’t go. See you whenever!”
85 replies to “A real force of alcoholic nature”
MW:
“Whattaya say, Ed? — are you coming with us?”
“I would sooner endure an infinite series of proctological examinations,” muses a visibly flummoxed Ed.
MW:
“I too would enjoy the trip, but I have some prior commitments — all of them involuntary.”
MW: Evy chokes out an acceptable, if stilted, alternative to, “I’d rather be thrown into a bear pit covered with honey!”
DtM: The Mitchells, who never, ever learn, are now going to take The Menace to a funeral and be mortified when he commits some atrocity. There, I ruined it.
MW: “Either of you but not both of you. My walls aren’t thick enough to have you two sharing a room.”
MW: Olive’s dad is Les Moore.
Pool AND Snooker? In the same locale? Good golly, if they don’t run the gamut of entertainments!
Shlockhorns – Poor fellow – losing this sole crushing job….
AC – Nobody teabags like drunken Andy Capp….
MW – I too have a fabricated excuse ready in case Mary attempts to involve me in any aspect of her crappy so-called life….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Mary Worth Mashups: What happened if Evy said what she really wanted to say?
“I’d love to go with you and Olive, but I have to do all that stuff with things! YOU’RE being vague!”
JP: Yes you are, Judgey Wudgey, but then again everyone is this strip is a terrible human being whether they are a parent or not (and yes, I’m including the pwecious raspberry-haired brat) so you’re hardly alone!
RMMD: C’mon Lorna…. just wait a few hours, then text Spudson at his gig that Jonah sadly died, he was immediately cremated so there won’t be any memorial and it’s ‘just too painful’ to get together right now. Then move to a new town. You can do this!
Mary Worth: Evy has a prior commitment with Ed: those balls aren’t going to pot themselves!
MW: I assume this conversation takes place after the ceremonial licking of the plates. Seriously, what humans leave their dishes that spotless after a meal?
Honestly I can well believe that Loretta was the only customer keeping Shoes A-Plenty afloat, if Shoes A-Plenty specializes in shoes made for the diamond-shaped things that the Lockhorns have at the end of their legs.
Ever since I was a younger boy, I played those colored balls
From Soho down to Brighton, I must have played them all
But I ain’t seen nothing like him in any amusement hall
No matter how much ale he’s had, he still can pot those balls
The Lockhorns – The Lockhorns are a committed couple, even if it’s just to the bit. While this isn’t a “ha ha” funny joke to the shoe store owner, it does provide some psychological relief in imagining the small ways things outside his control that led to his business failure, rather than taking the blame himself.
Andy Capp – Andy Capp, cultural diplomat for the declining British Empire for people who are more interested in achieving a high BAC than high culture.
Mary Worth – Olive’s parents are going to engage in some intense role play when she is off to Santa Royale. Most of that role play is imagining that Mary is some Grimm’s Fairy Tale witch that has snatched their daughter away, allowing them to live care-free, child-free lives as DINKs.
MW: “I too would enjoy the trip, but I have some PRIAPIC COMMITMENTS.”
There. Fixed it for you.
MW: does KM know anyone who speaks English?
Potted balls sound really painful. I hope the ale he drank helps with that.
@Baja Gaijin:
Evie: “I’ve….a gig herding cats! Yes, that’s right, I’m a catherd, so I can’t go with you! Whew!” (Mops brow)
DT: Another zap zap murder -there are just too many zap zap guns loose in the city.
Crankshaft: As the population ages, Madden Bowling could become a thing.
GT: Everyone seems to have the mumps.
MW: Dad’s hopeful eyes silently communicates with his wife (two weeks of NO OLIVE!)
JP: Well, Judge, let’s look at the evidence… runaway murder daughter, layabout ditzy kids, ….my advice, don’t go to the jury with this one. You might not like the verdict. That will be $100.
Slylock: One of them is clearly left handed – are they mirror twins? – compare the list? May be only one of them is sinister?
Mary Worth: Ed perks up. “Well then, it’s settled! ‘Mini-vacation’ at a naturally occurring retirement community for some, drunken bacchanalia and key parties for others!” Evy gives a smile without depth and nods. “I have prior commitments.”
Questionablecontent:
OK, so not only are we never going to see Pintsize again, courtesy his sudden “trip to Japan” that gave Anhlikeable his room, but now Faye, who yesterday morning strip time was out to throw her out of her shop and last night strip time wanted to smother her, now wants to let her ‘hang out’ with her and Bubbles? This strip continues to plumb depths I did not know existed.
MW: “My prior commitment is learning how to assemble representations of human faces using clip art! Take a look at poor Olive; she resembles the facial equivalent of a ransom note!”
Andy Capp: “Pot those balls”! And here we thought 9 Chickweed Lane was the dirtiest strip running.
Mary Worth, again: “But we haven’t told you when we were going!” Ed and Evy smile and nod, smile and nod. “That’s right,” they intone together.
Beetle Bailey Mashup: The ants are truly strong for carrying this box.
Slylock Fox-Ah the old catch them by their handwriting trick.
MW-Two weeks with this lonely old woman with parental supervision. Yep this doesn’t raise any red flags.
Luann-We are going to spend all week hearing about Alan Parson’s project.
“My life’s work has gone down the drain and I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I’ve got a mortgage to worry about and my kid is going to college in a couple of years. But hey, keep doing the ha has about your wife’s spending habits, that’s sure to cheer me up.”
***
Good for Olive’s mom. Being as vague as possible around a busybody like Mary is the way to go. Make her eventual monologuing to Dr. Jeff about this whole experience even more boring for him.
@Baja Gaijin:
Must be the depleted uranium in Mary muffins.
AC: I may not know much about snooker, but I know enough to be sure that when the white ball has been sunk BEFORE one of the red balls, then the colorist doesn’t really understand the game either.
Lockhorns: I like to think this is set during the pandemic, and Leroy is trying to cheer up some poor furloughed shoe salesman with his usual marital hijinks, while merrily breathing Loretta’s COVID germs in his face.
MW: I love the pause in Ed’s voice before “work.” He’s clearly hoping for something to happen so that he and Evy can cash out on those life insurance policies. Or he just wants to have two weeks of guilt free boinking with the wife.
MW I’m still stuck on mini-vacation for “one or two weeks”. Why yes, Olive’s dad has to work, you know, that thing where it’s pretty standard in the US to only have two weeks of vacation time per year. Even one week is a substantial portion, not a “mini” bit. Heck, he might not even have the vacation days left!
It was nice of the Confederate Army to send a representative to watch Andy play.
Lockhorns: “Sorry, Loretta had the flu last week and I’m just at the communicable stage now. Do you have any respiratory issues because I pretty much hate you and your shoes.”
Mary Worth: Evy the Mombot and her dialogue aren’t really living up to the high standards set by AI slop.
MW: Back when 24 was a cultural phenomenon, Dave Barry talked about the “wooden dialogue generator” that they used for the show. It’s nice to know that the WDG is still gainfully employed.
Garfield: Garfield minus Text.
Peanuts Begins: 10/10 no notes. Just a solid joke.
B. Bailey: Funny because I’m presently reading Terry Pratchett’s The Color of Magic.
Ahhhh, Dustin. Basically stealing a bit from Wayne’s World from when, 1990? 91? This is why we all have such high expectations.
A. Capp: Note to American tourists. ‘The balls are in the pot’ is not the pickup line you think it is.
I know that eventually you just have to accept the weird bolding in Mary Worth, but even within that, come on. If you’re gonna drop something like, “I have some prior commitments,” you absolutely have to smash cut to Olive’s mom doing something humorous. The panel is even drawn so everyone’s looking at her expectantly! I have to assume what comes next is dead silence, Olive coughing once, and everyone moves on.
The cultural enrichment also includes the off-panel voice using British slang, something that historically has been lacking in the strip.
Lockhorns:
“I have five toes not one big pointy one”
~Girl in that “Rugrats” tween spinoff.
@A Grave Mind: I normally would object to a comic strip doing a lazy bit about ancient and unfunny mondegreens, but this is Dustin, so I’ll let it go on the “an unjust king inquired of a holy man” principle.
Does a Plugger not just getting some glasses at the dollar store fall under “Pluggers are cheap” or “Pluggers are stupid”?
MW: It’s legit pissing me off that Moy keeps referring to a two-week vacation as a “mini-vacation.” This is a woman with zero familiarity with real life.
Andrew D. Capp, known to his friends as Andy, was killed in a knife attack in a pub in Liverpool last evening. Accordingly to witnesses, Mr. Capp interfered in a snooker game. Rest in peace, Mr. Capp (1921(1932(1941(1954(1962(1972(1981)))))))-2025).
L’horns: Good Lord. Shoes A-Plenty has been in business for a hundred years. I inherited it from my father, who inherited it from his father, who inherited it from his father. And it all ends now, with me. A victim of our modern age, with everyone buying their shoes online. I have failed the family business, failed my family, and failed myself. The bankrupcy will destroy my credit, and my finances are in ruins.
But, oh, I’m sorry, random personn passing by my store, you were saying something about your wife?
FC: I don’t know why seeing Jeffy this frustratingly angry warms my heart. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism to keep me from thinking about Dolly wearing fishnet stockings.
Pot and balls? In the same speech bubble? Come on, this is the lowest of low-hanging fruit.
@astroboy: For the monied set who live on the East Side, a real vacation is a month on the coast (you know, the Hamptons, Cape Cod, Nice and the Riveria! :) )
@astroboy: At this point, Karen Moy might as well be a cryptid who has never interacted with children, talks in an incredibly stilted manner, believes that everyone is flush with disposable income, and thinks that vacations take months rather than a week or two at most.
@Baja Gaijin:
Ah yes, the classic 1954 radioactive giant ant movie, THEM.
@BeckoningChasm: Olive is going to return home wearing a ratty old hoodie and spouting aphorisms Mary taught her about how “humanity is our nation.”
MW: Pfft, you think Ed and Evie want to spend their precious PTO with Olive? They’re just marking time until she goes off to college and they can turn her room into a sex dungeon.
Dear God, I can not get over how incredibly dull this entire arc is; it makes Rex Morgan look like a Jason Statham movie. The most conflict thus far has been a few girls calling Olive “weird” and a brief drowning scare, and all that combined amounted to a handful of strips. Everything else has been the Mary and Olive Mutual Admiration Society, a display of self-centered ego that makes Wilbur look like Mahatma Gandhi. Bring back Belle Batsfrey!
@45 Rube: It’s the twenty-first century; why can’t it be both? Pluggers are cheap and stupid!
@A Grave Mind: Sadly, in the UK, pool is beating out snooker in the bars. Part of it is due to the size: regulation snooker table is 6×12 feet, whereas a typical pool table is 9×4.5 feet. Also the learning curve is just a bit steeper for snooker with the round pockets kicking out a lot of shots that would slop in on a flat edge pool pocket.
Dedicated snooker clubs and parlors are also getting too pricey.
Now, admittedly, my sister is something of a helicopter mom, but if my nephew, who is a few years older than Olive, wanted to come visit Aunt Allie, there would be a hell of a lot more discussion before she was like, “Yeah, I’ll send my kid to see you for a few weeks.”
And I’m her sister. So…
I’m just saying.
Of course, that may be more a referendum about me and my suitability to look after a 17 year-old… hmmm
@TheDiva: And as someone noted yesterday, Olive’s finally made a connection with a couple of the girls. That makes this the worst possible time to ignore them so Olive can visit a woman in her sixties(?) for a couple of weeks. That “weirdo” label will be back in place before she knows it.
Garfield does a tribute to Andy Warhol?
@Ken: Considering the incredibly fickle nature of teenage girls, Olive probably already has the “weirdo” label back. And she thoroughly deserves it.
MW: in fairness to Moy, I think the “mini-vacation” is in relationship to Olive’s summer vacation from school.
That having been said, the expression on Ed’s face is disturbing for reasons that I can’t quite articulate.
….And my comment isn’t posting for some reason. Don’t know what I did to offend the content bots but here we are.
Luann: Ooh, a challenging romance will blossom for Bernice?
Beetle Bailey: Army food is supposed to be a bit less insect-infested than prison food, Cookie.
Slylock Fox always manages to blame it on the Count or the Rat. But today I’m expecting some lame-ass quip about the “sinister” twin.
As a southpaw, this time it’s personal.
@TheDiva: I’ve run into needing https:// as a prefix for the website text field most of the time.
GT: “We’re ready for any kind of challenge. Except child custody. I’m rolling over immediately on that. My kids would do great at Valley Tech. Please take them, you back stabbing cow.”
MW: “That would be lovely Mary but I have to wash my hair that week. Plus the Mets are in town.”
@Old School Allie Cat: It’s not just you; my parents took Divaling One to Hawai’i this past summer as an early 16th birthday present, and that trip was well over a year in planning. Granted, it was a bit more involved than “you can just stay in the old lady’s guest room,” but this is still a little more complicated than Moy is making it out to be.
Not that I WANT three weeks of Ed and Evie notarizing a minor travel consent form, mind you…
@ValdVin: Hmmm, that didn’t seem to work…
@Needless Exposition: or an early version of AI that even Altman, Musk, and Zuck wouldn’t market.
The Lockhorns: I think that Leeroy and Loretta just drive aimlessly around town looking for locations and people that they can use for their “my spouse sucks” bits.
Andy Capp: Shit like this is the real reason why the British Empire’s many subjects fought so long and hard to be independent; who would want to be associated with a country that calls anything “snooker”?
Mary Worth: Olive’s-Mom-Whose-Name-I-Can’t-Be-Bothered-To-Learn would love to join them, but as a quantum duplicate of Mary, she can only spend so much time around her before reality begins to implode from the paradox.
“I’d love to, but unfortunately it’s my turn to shampoo the neighborhood’s squirrels, and you wouldn’t believe how long it takes to get those tails into curlers.”
Lockhorns-Women sure do love shoes. Am I right?
MW: I’m actually somewhat hopeful for the upcoming Santa Royale hijinx. Perhaps Olive’s tummy brain can fix Wilbur.
And yes I was really grossed out by that sentence but we’re staying positive here on a Monday morning!
AC: The English enjoy eating potted shrimp, so why not…?
“Phantom moves as silently as the jungle cat….except for the WHAM!! parts.” — Old Jungle Saying
MW: Evy read Pluggers yesterday, and she learned how to get out of unwanted invitations.
@Old School Allie Cat: Yeah. My niece and nephew are roughly Olive’s age, and I live on the other side of the country from them. Them visiting without their parents would require a lot of planning. It’d be doable, but not on a mere spur of the moment whim.
“He can still pot those balls”, as today’s cool kids say! Just kidding! I don’t know any cool kid nor was I ever one!
Today’s Lockhorns answers the question “What if Sex and the City but there is neither sex nor the city, just women shopping and toxic relationships?”
“Sorry, Loretta had the flu last week. Well she died! I came here to you because I wanted to report this to someone who would care”
MARY WORTH: I’m disappointed in Evy. Come on, girl, based on your last two appearances I know you can come up with a better innuendo-filled excuses then that! Something like “I’d love to go, but I need to spend this week chasing after that darn snake that’s loose in the house. Ooh when I find that snake I’m going to give it the choking of a lifetime, so much so that it starts spiting out…blood as a result (yes lets go with “blood” for now)”
Luann: Yes, it’s Alan! After hiding in this strip in the background since its inception forty years ago, silently biding his time and building his strength, he emerges at last to take his place as the rightful protagonist.
MW: On the plane to California, Olive “foresees” the overhead baggage compartment falling open and dislodging a carry-on window air conditioner that tumbles directly onto Mary, but because they’re strapped in and the seatbelt light is on, Olive is powerless to prevent catastrophe. It’s inevitable. The air conditioners have it in for Mary and They. Will. Not. Be. Denied.
@8 Baja Gaijin:
Those are all good excuses. All she really needed to say was, “I can’t go, I gotta pee.”
JP: The other customers at the diner are thinking, “Oh shit. It’s Alan Parker again. I hope he doesn’t start randomly shoving a picture of his idiot son and psycho daughter-in-law in our faces asking us if we’ve seen them.”
@Charterstoned: If we’re going to go all grimdark “Final Destination,” then make the whole trip be the Grim Reaper’s setup so Olive will drown in the Charterstone pool as was her fate.
Mary sees it and runs to save her, but is killed by a falling air conditioner as was her fate. Wilbur also tries but drowns, as was his fate all those damn times he fell off a boat.