Archive: Lockhorns

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/24/21

We haven’t checked in with Cassandra Cat’s incredibly transparent attempts to lure Slylock back to her apartment lately, have we? Mostly I wanted to show today’s panel for the delightful array of details in Cassandra’s retro-hip shag-carpeted pad: Catsmo magazine, a nice little tin of sardines open on the end table for snacking, the wall of photos of cartoon cat heroes, and, of course, a cat dancer toy, for later, when Cassandra convinces Slylock to put down the magnifying glass and send Max home.

Panel from The Lockhorns, 1/24/21

One of the great ironies of the Lockhorns’ lives is that they drive everyone else as crazy as they drive each other, but while their baffling decision to remain married means they can never avoid each other, other people are generally able to avoid them. The terrible social claustrophobia that results leads them to often bother total strangers in public with their gripes and musings. I think today is the best of these I’ve ever seen. How long has Leroy been deliberately lurking there, waiting for an actual child to pick up that book so he can go off on how his darn wife never cleans out the refrigerator, a complaint the Dr. Seuss-reading set will surely fine extremely relatable? I particularly enjoy the kid’s facial expression, which to me reads as “Sir, I know I’d get in trouble for saying this out loud, but … sir, what the fuck.”

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The Lockhorns, 12/18/20

A question that often bothers me about the Lockhorns: are the titular couples weird tiny gnomish people within the universe of the strip? Or are they of ordinary stature and drawn that way for comic effect? Evidence for both interpretations can be found in the strip, depending on the day! Today, we learn that Leroy, at least, is considered short, and is sensitive about it, and also that Loretta is willing to craft meals out of entirely incompatible foodstuffs just to irritate Leroy, which I deeply respect.

The Phantom, 12/18/20

PHANTOM RHINO UPDATE: I love that the Phantom’s rhino ally, having burst dramatically through the window, is now just casually standing around while the humans dispatch their enemies, lucha libre style. He’s ready to lumber into action in case a rhino-level adversary appears, but for now? He’s just keeping an eye on things.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/18/20

“And so we used the action figures as replacements for the band members. Huh. Well, it turns out this isn’t a very long story at all. Or an interesting one, for that matter!”

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Dick Tracy, 11/26/20

Remember a few days ago, when I suggested this Dick Tracy plot would end with its bumbling villains drowning in a sewer? Well, in fact, one of them fell down a ladder in a sewer and terribly injured himself and was abandoned by his compatriot, who then inexplicably drove their getaway van up onto a sidewalk, causing the (unlocked?) rear doors to pop open and the valuable meteorite inside to plop unceremoniously out onto the street, which I have to admit is much, much funnier.

Six Chix, 11/26/20

American Pie, the teen sex comedy that broke all kinds of taboos by featuring a teen boy fucking a pie, is now more than 20 years old, so it’s no surprise that it’s now getting a gender-swapped reboot, in which it’s now an adult woman who fucks a pie, but also she and the pie enter into a long-term committed relationship, and then she brings the pie home to her family for Thanksgiving, and her family eats the pie, which you have to admit is a lot darker.

The Lockhorns, 11/26/20

Many Americans are pretty sad this year because they’re spending Thanksgiving with just their immediate family or perhaps alone. But if you’re in that position, console yourself in the knowledge that it really is just for this year, whereas Leroy and Loretta have Thanksgiving together alone with the person they hate the most (for Leroy that’s Loretta, and vice versa) every year, in this featureless void, for the rest of eternity.