Archive: Lockhorns

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/23

Well, the Harwoods are going to feel pretty foolish when they learn that it wasn’t Rene’s high-powered lawyers that got him sprung out of jail. The cynical answer isn’t always the correct one, guys! Now, it is true in fact he’s free because he’s using the Mirakle Method to build an army of hypnotized disciples, some of whom are in highly placed positions of power, who will follow his every whim, but I say we should wait a bit to see how that plays out before we get too worried about it.

The Lockhorns, 11/25/23

This is the sort of statment that you would expect someone to deliver with a wistful sigh, and what makes Leroy Leroy and makes the Lockhorns great is that instead he’s just seething. Stupid highway full of assholes. Stupid Robert Frost and his stupid poetry, planted in the lyric and narrative traditions while pointing the way towards modernism! Screw him! Two roads diverged in a yellow wood my ass.

Beetle Bailey, 11/25/23

Some people will tell you that America’s military budget is hopeless bloated. But I for one would be willing to pay higher taxes if it means that our brave soldiers could have decent internet access so they could access high-quality streaming pornography and didn’t have to jerk off to annotated romance novels. I just respect the troops that much.

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The Lockhorns, 11/1/23

This has, from the very beginning, been a pro-Lockhorns blog, but I really feel like this strip has kicked it up a notch in recent years, managing to simultaneously feel timeless but also contemporary. The Lockhorns of yore might’ve been uncomfortable with our nation’s increasing ethnic diversity. But 2023’s Lockhorns live in a Nassau County that’s 18% Latino, and seamlessly reference their neighbors’ rich cultural heritage as they passive-aggressively destroy one another for the benefit of anyone who will listen.

Hi and Lois, 11/1/23

Imagine if you were, after decades as a stunted infant, finally beginning to illustrate signs of physical growth, only to realize that it was just part of your Creators trying to establish that you live in a cross-property Cinematic Universe! It’d be pretty depressing, I bet.

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Dick Tracy, 10/16/23

Dick Tracy loves gadgets, of course, but I assume he’s bored and vaguely disgusted with fancy “forensics,” because they allows detectives to learn information about criminals with zero investigatory violence to speak of. But his face in panel three looks truly deranged, like a lot of horrible things are falling into place for him. “Fluids, eh? You’re telling me this fancy detecting machine needs bodily fluids from suspects in order to work? I bet I know how I can get some.”

Slylock Fox, 10/16/23

Today, as Cassandra attempts to liberate a plundered piece of cultural heritage and return it to the few remaining Egyptian humans left after the animalpocalypse, I find myself contemplating Slylock’s customized “Fox-Flyer” helicopter. Is it truly “his,” as the caption refers to it, meaning that he’s a private contractor who owns his own equipment, insisting on high fees from the Forest Kingdom’s treasury in order to provide the law enforcement capacity that the state lacks? Or is he a public servant with enough clout that he demands the government pay for a series of whimsically fox-themed devices that enhance his personal brand? Either way, it seems he has more in common with his supposed enemy Count Weirdly than he would care to admit.

Hi and Lois, 10/16/23

This is great. The whole Flagston family is angry and sad! That’s the joke!

The Lockhorns, 10/16/23

You guys, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: THE LOCKHORNS ARE MILLENNIALS