Melancholy Thursday
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Shoe, 10/30/25
I love how genuinely sad the Perfesser looks in the second panel. He’s there by himself because he had planned to treat himself to something special at this fancy white-tablecloth French restaurant, only to find that somehow they’re out of almost everything on their extensive and presumably renowned wine list. Now he’s going to have to drink some shitty wine that you can tell he’s already had some bad experiences with. It really is a bummer of a situation! He doesn’t understand the wordplay, by the way; Shakespeare never existed in this universe of partially clothed bird-men.
Marvin, 10/30/25
Finally, Marvin has managed to pivot to something interesting other than poop jokes. It’s Marvin’s parents having an uncomfortably realistic argument over something stupid that’s dragging on and on with no end in sight! And good for them.
81 replies to “Melancholy Thursday”
FC-“If anybody asks what we did was in self defense.”
Shoe-“I drank it, Horatio. A wine of poor jest.”
MW: “…I really appreciate our date today. It’s FAMILIAR and COMFORTING….” Mary smiled, signaling to Jeff that, as usual, he wouldn’t be getting any.
“How about a vampire? Marvin’s the right height to play Cruise’s Lestat.”
Shoe:
“I’m afraid that this is the only wine that we have in this hamlet!”
Shoe: The only question remaining is will they serve the wine in a human or bird skull?
Heathcliff : … Okay, but why is HEATHCLIFF there?
***********
Marvin : Yeah, imagine referencing the Wizard of Oz in 2025! You’d feel so silly, you’d go to a nonagenarian who’d dress you up like a clown while saying that everything you believe in is “Fiddlesticks and Crapola”.
… I bet Marvin’s parents are calling The Wizard of Oz a “movie that came out decades before [they] were born!” because they don’t know it was based on a series of books. I bet that they don’t even know it had other adaptations besides the 1939 movie.
Shoe:
“I hate to dane to tell you this, garcon, but the ‘Three Witches’ are from Macbeth, not Hamlet!”
Marvin:
I guess it’s no surprise that Marvin’s dad is pooh-poohing Marvin’s mom’s idea.
Shoe: “We also have a flagon of Rhenish, but it’s for external use only.”
Marvin: So what would be more a more timely match for a lion? A commando penguin?
MARVIN: Marvin’s parents are somehow totally missed the invention of cable TV, the internet, VCR’s, DVD’s and streaming. Not to mention “The Wiz” and “Wicked.”
P.S. When I was a lass, we could watch “The Wizard of Oz” once a year, the night before Thanksgiving. And we were grateful for it, dammit!
H&L: Who is Thirsty kidding? All the lights are going to highlight is him, passed out in that chair, making it that much easier to smother him in pumpkin guts.
MW: Why does Mary have a boytoy whose physique rivals Chris Hemsworth’s? In reality, she’d be lucky to land Saul’s twin brother.
Shoe — Alas, pour Yorick. I knew it, Horatio, a wine of infinite zest, of most excellent fancy. It hath knocked me on my ass a thousand times and, now, how abhorred to my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.
I want more for Marvin’s mom. I really do. Not only does she for some reason have to theme her terrible child’s costume around their dog’s — and that’s bad enough, I am genuinely baffled by this decision — but to get a two-question-mark response to the idea that said theme is from one of the most famous movies ever made? To have to look at a face that’s apparently enraged by the idea? Look, Marvin’s dad, two things: one, I do not and will not remember your name, and two, it’s not like she suggested that the costumes be from, like, Gunga Din, take it down about seven notches and buy some fuckin’ silver facepaint before your wife drops your terrible child on your lap and peaces out for good.
Marvy — So I’m guessing the Pilgrim costume at Thanksgiving is out too? And how old must Santa’s elves be?
FLASH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!: That was a close shave.
S4th: “Uhhh….. that’s not part of the show… wait, when did they change the name to ‘Carrie’s Halloween Special’?”
Blondie: Not only do we get ‘Ha ha! Younger generation dresses funny!”, but we get “Black people still have ‘fros” background.
Curtis: Nonsense, Curtis. It’s a Pizza Box Monster.
GA: Yes, Baleen, You Are the Asshole. Fortunately, it’s only people online and with the ticky-toks, so their opinion doesn’t matter.
@Hibbleton: Nope, sorry, vampires were also invented before Marvin was born. Actually, I think 90% of Halloween costumes reference things created before Marvin was born. Marvin will simply have to go dressed as the 6 7 meme.
Shoe: thank God that English Lit degree finally came in handy! Up yours, Shoe’s writer’s parents!
It’s not appropriate to dress Marvin up like a Wizard of Oz character. That movie involves a tornado, not a shitstorm.
Marvin: I’m really looking forward to Marvin’s father deciding to dress him up as…uh, Chunk from The Goonies? One of the kids from Hocus Pocus? The clown Jigsaw? Somebody help me out here–I have no idea how old Marvin’s parents are.
@Hibbleton: Nice…
Right. Because it’s the DOG’S costume that dictates those around it. The dog’s costume can be Dog. It’s not like anybody’s gonna give him an Almond Joy.
Shoe: “May I humbly recommend to monsieur that he drown his disappointment in a malmsey-butt?”
@Liam:
I would steal “a wine of poor jest” if I thought anybody outside of here would laugh, brilliant!
Marvin: This will result in someone asking the great and powerful Oz for sphincter control.
Shoe: What is worse? Delivering a joke with a half-lidden expression conveying that you just want to die? Or laughing at your own lame-ass joke with your tongue hanging out like some sort of dog?
Discuss.
@Spunky The Wonder Squid, Marvin: Since “Wandavision” came out a few years ago, one of Wanda’s kids. Or Twelve from “Stranger Things”. Or maybe the kid from “The Grudge”. Heck, they’re doing Fanta commercials with Chucky. Why not him?
@MKay: “The Wiz” should be in the list of all-time biggest train wrecks. How did so many talented people make something so spectacularly crappy?
MW: the purple and yellow clouds in the background are getting more action than Jeff and Mary have ever had , or ever will have.
@The Rambling Otter: The absolute worst is when comic strips switch back and forth between the two, despite the quality of the jokes not varying any.
Shoe: I like the idea of a Shakespeare-themed restaurant, but surely you’d want to focus on the comedies rather than the tragedies? All’s Well that Eats Well? The Tapas of the Shrew? Twelfth Nosh? I’m just spitballing here…
Marvin: So I guess the implication here is that Jeff wants his child ultra-current ‘meme’ costumes? I never thought of his as being Very Online, but it would explain a lot. Is he a reddit guy? I’ll bet he is…
Also Marvin: If Bitsy is going as a lion, might I suggest sending Marvin as a gazelle of some sort, or perhaps an African dik-dik slathered in barbecue sauce? Come on Marvin, be a legend, give up the Halloween episode your
fansreadersmalcontents crave!Marvin: Hmm, isn’t there a movie based on Oz released last year that has a upcoming release of its conclusion that’s quite “Popular”? Tom Armstrong defies topicality.
Marvin: “That movie was made decades before we were born! It’s not like it’s a beloved classic that’s stood the test of time! And it’s not like it inspired a series of books that reimagined the story which was adapted into a successful Broadway musical which then became a popular movie just last year, with the sequel getting released in a few weeks! Completely irrelevant!”
DT: A guess they really laying on the Britishisms, but would gentlemen who below to such a posh club use this term?
GT: How long ago was flashback again? 20 years?
RMMD: I guess the creators interests have shifted from roots-country to trying to get published.
MW: We’ll get the walk tomorrow, more walk on Saturday and Sunday will recap the walk, dessert and Mary’s weekly quote – “The longest journey begins with a single step” or something like that.
Not sure you’re going to want any wine the “Three Witches” has to offer, Perfesser — I understand they cool it with a baboon’s blood. (Though if he’s a bird of prey, he might enjoy the lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing.)
Marvin: If Bitsy’s going to be the Cowardly Lion, how about dressing Marvin like the Hungry Tiger? Or better yet, swap those costumes; that way, there’s a better chance that Bitsy would get too into character and eat Marvin.
Is Marvin trying to imply that “The Wizard of Oz” is an obscure or outdated reference? It’s not! It is so not outdated that its timelessness was a joke in the Avengers movie, as the only reference Iron Man made that Captain America understood. It’s actually far less obscure than that Avengers reference is! Mercy, it’s still playing in one theater, out in Vegas! Literally any other movie ever made would qualify as a better obscure reference! How’d you ever get this job?
@pugfuggly: These are all Pynchon-worthy puns, but I would happily eat at Twelfth Nosh, then complain later that I’d overpaid for the kosher turkey leg and craft mead.
All of this talk of The Wizard of Oz, how about that Robot Chicken parody, where The Nerd ends up in (the MGM version) of Oz, but he already knows its a dream, and being a lucid dreamer, he turns the Scarecrow into Alice Cooper, the Tin Man into Optimus Prime and the Cowardly Lion into Lion-o from Thundercats.
Another suggestion for Marvin: Jeff should check around the comics world for ideas. I’m sure Oglaf has something he could work with.
@Dondi’s Dad: The only thing about Wizard of Oz that’s obscure and outdated is sadly the books.
No-one seems to remember or care about them.
The Wicked Witch of the West only appeared in (and died) within one chapter and she was a total wimp during her entire appearance. The true villain of the original franchise was The Nome King. Anyone remember him?
Like a load of shit being dropped on people at the No Kings rally? If we’re going to have Marvin-level shit dropped on us, I’m telling George Soros that I need my fee increased to $750.
S4th: Guess you should have paid more attention to the permission slip you signed, Sally’s Sister. You DID sign a permission slip, didn’t you?
JP: I guess we should count ourselves grateful the raspberry-haired brat only brought toilet paper and not the hand grenades you know CIApril kept around the house in case of ‘unexpected guests’.
MW: Everyone… Mary just brought up the balloon ‘crash’. You realize they can’t recap that in a mere two days when they’ve gone two *weeks* just talking about Olive. We’re going into extra innings here!
Luann: This had better end with a fatal heart attack, and I don’t care which character has it. Both would be preferable…
@pugfuggly: Avoid the tarte à la Titus Andronicus.
GT Much as I appreciate the artist getting the 80s hair and casual clothes, this timeline is strained to say the least. They said 1982 on Monday, and Jami is definitely preteen. Ex-Mrs-Thorp at age 15+ in 1982 for high school, Jami maybe 10 in 2025 requires Ex to be 43 when had her second child. Not impossible, but is there anything important about 1982 in girls football so that they couldn’t have made it 1990? Was it realistic that they’d have a poorly-supported (and then cancelled) team in 1982 but no later??
@The Rambling Otter: Only if you’ve seen ‘Return to Oz’. When is THAT getting a bloated, overwritten, ‘star’-studded remake?
Marvin: “That’s an old and outdated reference. Who do you think we are, Blondie?”
JP: “Hmm no, I don’t think we’ll be passing by Grandpa’s house.”
William Shakesparrow.
***
Marvin’s dad, may I kindly direct you towards the cultural phenomenon known as Wicked? Dorothy and her adventuring party are minor characters, but they do appear. I know you’re probably a Millennial, but gotcha, Boomer.
Blondie It is rather amazing that the company employing Dagwood manages to survive when they take on so many inexperienced temporary interns that they dominate the office crowd, the boss is utterly unaware of any new hires, and the likelihood of any meaningful structure to these interns’ jobs is pretty low given that they weren’t even handed dress code guidelines that would pass muster at a public high school.
JP So when Charlotte’s parents were busy on Halloween, or weren’t there, they found babysitters who wouldn’t take her trick or treating? Do they think Charlotte was just parked at home with no parents watching TV?? That would actually explain her picking up TP shenanigans from old movies, because that’s not really A Thing now and I’m pretty sure my kids would be confused by the concept.
(Marvin:) We’re just gonna ignore those Wicked: For Good previews that are in theaters right now, aren’t we? One of my least favorite parts of this art form is watching cartoonists get salty about other forms of entertainment. The default is two kids staring at some random-ass squiggles in a museum and one turns to the other and says “That looks just like what we did in art class” or whatever. But you do get occasional attempts at pop-culture critique like this one: “UGH, why are Halloween costumes still PRETENDING THE WIZARD OF OZ IS RELEVANT, you think art can endure past a creator’s LIFESPAN? You NAIVE MORONS.”
In Walt Kelly’s “Pogo,” the strip’s buzzard character was Sarcophagus Macabre, a borderline evil funeral director who spoke in a Gothic font. In “Shoe,” the strip’s buzzard character (or possibly, the strip’s sick pelican character) is a waiter with no name who has nothing to say.
Comic strip buzzard standards have fallen off in recent decades, and it’s high time we did something about it!
As a sidenote, it’s hilarious that the “Shoe” team clearly wanted to do a Macbeth Halloween joke, couldn’t think of one, and pivoted to “what’s the other play with the skull?”
@The Quiet Man: MW: Everyone… Mary just brought up the balloon ‘crash’. You realize they can’t recap that in a mere two days when they’ve gone two *weeks* just talking about Olive. We’re going into extra innings here!
Jeff smiled at Mary, but his expression held a mixture of worry and relief. “In this Season of Thanksgiving, Mary, I’m grateful that you weren’t hurt—or worse. You could have been KILLED!”
Mary’s expression was sober. “I might have BEEN, if it hadn’t been for dear Olive. She really is an EXTRAORDINARY girl!”
“Tell me about her, Mary. I gather you two share some special QUALITIES.”
“Yes, we are KINDRED SPIRITS!” Mary enthused. “I’ll tell you all ABOUT her as we stroll on the dock! Do you know what a moebius strip is?”
@T Campbell: Whether consciously or not, strip artists know that their work will be briefly glanced at, then dumped in the recycling bin, day after day.
Except for Bill Watterson and Gary Larson, of course. Maybe one or two others.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Oh, the film version of The Wiz is a mess, but the musical itself is quite good, and hews a lot closer to the book than the classic 1939 film. There was a decent live television production a few years back which had, among other things, Mary J. Blige as Evillene.
One month to the release of the sequel to one of last years highest grossing movies might seem an odd time to put the Wizard of Oz franchise on blast, but I don’t need to remind anyone here that shitting on things baselessly and indiscriminately is Marvin’s, like, ENTIRE deal.
GT – Based on the selling points offered up by the student recruiters, it looks like they’re only looking for girls to play defense. “You want to play quarterback? Sorry, that’s filled. How does inside linebacker strike you?”
I will forgive Shoe its many sins if the Perfesser exits, pursued by a bear.
Marvin: Do you think Marvin’s dad does this for all the trick-or-treaters? “Why are you dressed like Cinderella? Are you even aware of the 1950 feature film from Walt Disney Pictures?”
Shoe: Wouldn’t “A glass! Pour Yorick!” have been funnier? (Yes, I realize at this level the amount of “funny” is so infinitesimal that comparative values can only be described on the subatomic level, but you take what you can get, you know?)
@pugfuggly: Other Shakespearean restaurant choices
The Merchant of Venison
Julius Caesar’s Salads
Big Mac Beth
And for lighter fare
The Tempest Teapot
Shoe – You say you’re not a fan of lame Shakespeare puns? Ophelia, pal.
Marvin – “And what’s all this crap I hear about reading the classics? Mark Twain’s been dead over a hundred years! Replace him in the curriculum with Colleen Hoover, already!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“I need someone to handle the payroll, how about Gomez?”
“I’m afraid he’s not really a team player”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, there are various reasons”
“For example, none of our other employees order sprinkles”
I like how Marvin’s parents decided on a costume for the dog before their own kid. The dog is regarded as the real kid, and the human child is an afterthought. Accurate. (I initially wrote “sadly accurate,” but considering it’s Marvin we’re talking about, it’s justified and not all that sad.)
@Xine Fury: What would that costume look like? I’m not the most imaginative person so please help me out.
CS: Aren’t you dying to know who the Pizza Box Monster really is? Me neither.
MARVIN: I was about to happily announce that the Judy Garland version of WIZARD OF OZ was made decades before I was born also, but then I looked at the date and realized that’s not true, so now I’m feeling a little, what’s that word being used these days, “salty,” as if I were some kind of cracker, except now I remember that “cracker” had a different derogatory meaning when I was younger and maybe still does. To heck with it! All of you young whippersnappers, just get off my lawn! If I had one!
LUANN: “You were exploring! You were enjoying!” Well she certainly wasn’t the audience, then! (Also I love how that “exploration” was so “enjoyable” that none of it was rendered on panel)
LUANN (2): Incidentally, I know people (understandably) rag on the recent “Olive” story from Mary Worth, but this rendition of “Nitwit teen gets smoke blown up her ass about being ‘special’ by senile old biddy” is much more insufferable. At least Olive had something resembling actual powers (no matter how ridiculously they were used). Meanwhile poor dumb Luann isn’t even good at being a regular human (half of the “burdens” she listed, preventing her from “enjoying”, are things she doesn’t actually do. Unless you can name all the “car repairs” she’s been working on in the interim.)
@Gil Bates:
This is Marvin, we could have ended up with a punchline about “Defiling Gravity”
C’shaft: He’s wearing a balaclava or something else under the pizza boxes. Come on, Batiuk, we all know you’re too attached to your silly cryptid for this not to be a fake-out.
DT: A what?
*Googles*
Huh, okay. You learn something new everyday–and apparently today what I’m learning is obscure British slang.
Dustin: Yesterday: Dustdad complains that he’s not getting any sex.
Today: Dustdad, on being asked to offer an opinion about his wife’s appearance, proceeds to hem and haw like a corrupt politician getting grilled in a Senate hearing.
FG: The Doctor would approve.
GT: Maybe they should have seen if there were enough girls who actually wanted to play football before making a team for them? I’m starting to think school board sexism isn’t Emily’s problem here…
JP: Again, Charlotte is what, five or six? Sure, you always have parents escorting a two-year-old who can barely say “trick or treat” let alone eat half the candy in their bucket, but she’s only just reached the age where kids start appreciating the experience so it’s not like she’s missed out on much. (The toilet paper, meanwhile, further confirms the theory that Charlotte is an advanced alien attempting to fit in based on an imperfect understanding of human behavior and culture, and she’s fortunate enough to be among people too stupid to pick up on that.)
MT: Please, a wealthy, performatively masculine type like Jess wouldn’t care if his wife shared his interests. All he would want for her is to keep her figure and not ask too many questions about what he’s doing with his secretaries and/or the pool boy.
MW: Mary and Jeff have known each other for years, yet they still converse like co-workers who aren’t really interested in spending time together but have to for business purposes.
Pluggers are hoarders.
RMMD: Yes, teachers are terribly underpaid especially for the large workload they take on, but doubling the average salary would put most of them in the low six figures. I don’t know a whole lot about the going rate for getting a book published but that seems a bit high to me…
@TheDiva: I was referring to the film version of The Wiz. I’m not familiar with the stage play.
But the biggest problem with the film version is that the music is ATROCIOUS. “Brand New Day” and “Ease On Down The Road” are allright, but most of it is terrible. Despite the presence of Diana Ross, Lena Horne, Quincy Jones, and Michael freaking Jackson (pre-Thriller).
Is the music better in the stage play? I might check it out, since I see it’s coming to my town soon.
@MKay: #10: re-Marvin: I remember those eagerly awaited annual showings of “The Wizard of Oz”. When my parents finally broke down and bought a color TV we really waited eagerly because we finally were getting to see what grownups had been telling us for years about the movie changing from black and white to color when Dorothy entered Oz.
Shoe: Forget the Perfesser’s depression, check out the expressions on this creepy looking waiter. He’s weirdly sadistic and gleeful looking about telling Perfesser they only have one kind of wine in stock, than crumbles into despair when Perfesser responds with more terrible wordplay instead of being upset. I’d like to learn more about Waiter Guy, he has issues!
Marvin: Why is Marvin’s Dad getting so pissed about the idea of his child’s costume referencing an old movie? Why does he have such beef with old movies to begin with? What did he get beaten up by a golden age film director as a child?
“Let’s go with the Tin Man. Tin doesn’t rust, so I won’t be cutting him out of the costume with a blowtorch after his urine-soaked . . . well, everything . . . corrodes the metal.”
MARVIN: People, you have to remember that Marvin’s dad is a guy with extremely Millennial (and bad) tastes who think thinks Baha Men and Katy Perry are “high art.” Just be glad they didn’t suggest Marvin ‘s costume involve spraying whipped cream out of his nipples. (Marvin: “Hey! Maybe I can dress up like that. I mean I am good at squirting….” “Move. On. MARVIN!”)
@Poteet: There’s an XKCD comic for that (but then, there’s an XKCD comic for everything). The comic came out in 2011, which in itself makes me feel old, and it gets worse if you update it.
“Hey, did you know Raiders of the Lost Ark came out closer to the start of World War II than the present day?”
@Banana Jr. 6000: #64:
@TheDiva: #68:
Not to worry. What will probably happen is Pete will walk back into the room and PBM will have already eaten his pizza and left, followed by a “Damn! If I had just come in here a minute sooner!”
Of course, with Batty’s discumbobulated sense of plot continuity it could be the time-travelling janitor or maybe he’ll bring Bull back from the dead like he did Phil Holt.
@2+2=7: What you said. I’d even feel sorry for Mrs. Horner if she weren’t so enthused about this terminally-boring “friendship” and if she weren’t so weird herself. I’ll say one thing for LUANN, it impartially makes all characters bizarre and/or dull regardless of who or how old they are. Except that cute stray black cat found by Luann long ago, which was given to Mrs. Horner and was never mentioned again. I’d like to think that cat met Sid and got a better deal somewhere.
From The Wizard of Oz?? A movie made decades before he was born? A revered cinematic classic seen and loved by literally everyone? A film so ingrained in our cultural consciousness that it’s spawned a best-selling novel series, which was then adapted into a blockbuster musical, which itself was turned into a pair of movies, one of which made close to a billion dollars last year, and the other is in preview screenings even as I throw this petty little tantrum?? That’s the dumbest costume idea I’ve ever heard!
@Guillermo el Chiclero: TheDiva is right: Batiuk is too attached to the concept to ever actually do anything with it. It won’t be a reveal, it won’t be an unreveal, it won’t be anything.
Marvin: Which should Marvin be for Halloween — a character who’s canonically stupid, or one whose costume required a full-body aluminum makeup job (which original movie actor Buddy Ebsen reacted to so badly that he nearly died)? Personally, I think Marvin should be the lion, so no one thinks it’s all that strange when he pees in the bushes.
@2+2=7:
On Luann’s “exploring” : I think that was what her taking a bunch of random electives (Pottery, italian, archeology), while completely giving up on a major, was supposed to be. And even then, yeah, it was completely off-panel, and the strip forgot about the most “interesting” one, archeology (even at its most boring, “Luann learns that archeology is actually boring academic study, not two-fisted pulp adventures” is STILL more interesting than what they ended up doing
which was NOTHING!)On Luann’s “responsible, adult woes” : …there was like, ONE mention that having to drive to Weenie World and back everyday was costing her a fortune in gas. And, besides, this sudden obsession with
pretending tohaving tobe a responsible adult was entirely fueled by Phil talking about how HE found a steady job after taking a six-month correspondence course, which makes staying an eternity in college without a job look humiliating (in his opinion). And he wasn’t even talking about Luann when he said that, he was talking about BERNICE. Who simply shrugged it off with a “sometimes I do accounting for the Fuze, that counts!”… I need to put less effort discussing friggin’ Luann, especially when I AGREE with someone…REX MORGAN M.D.: So…Terry Beatty’s actual problem with the Woody-Wilson-era plotlines (particularly the “go-to favorite” of giving the cast undue rewards and gifts) was apparently just that Wilson made the mistake of making it interesting.
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): You’re in luck true believers, because I got the scoop that all zero of you have been waiting for: the plot to Augie’s much-talked about novel! See, it’s a stirring tale about a farmer who counts his chickens before they hatch and….