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The Lockhorns, 6/30/25

You all know that I hold the Lockhorns in a great deal of affection, but I am not blind to the truth, which is that they are squat, gnome-like people whose skulls are — let’s be real — lumpy and misshapen. We allow for this because they are, of course, cartoons, but it’s also true that stylized cartoons of the Lockhorns’ ilk are only meant to be viewed from a limited set of angles: in a very real sense, they do not exist in a complete three-dimensional space like you or me. Leroy and Loretta specifically should not be viewed from what appears to be an in-store security camera pointing down from the ceiling of whatever sad local drug store they’ve stopped by in order to browse the get well cards. This point of view really makes quite clear the aforementioned misshapenness of their skulls, in a way that I don’t think any of us asked for.

Marvin, 6/30/25

Two beings trapped together in a miniature world just big enough for them, yet still participating in an economic system where one must be indebted to the other? This is a grim scenario that no water-themed pun can cover up!

Pluggers, 6/30/25

Before today I would’ve said the bar for “What constitutes a joke or bit of wordplay in Pluggers” was so low that no installment of the strip could possibly fail to clear it, but that was before today, when I was confronted with “Pluggers stop at all the neighborhood kids’ lemonade stands,” accompanied by a drawing of a plugger stopping at a lemonade stand. This maybe could’ve been salvaged by showing that the plugger in question was precariously holding multiple cups to emphasize the scope of his generosity and/or thirst, but real heads know that Rhino-Man absolutely cannot afford to do that.

Mary Worth, 6/30/25

Ha ha, can you imagine being as ignorant of all the twists and turns of Wilbur’s love life as Dr. Jeff? Probably feels great! Sure, Mary’s about to tell him about it in vivid detail, but he can just open up the throttle on his powerboat until the engine is loud enough to drown her out.

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Pluggers, 6/18/25

“Wrongo!” my brain basically shouted at me the moment I read this panel. “Pluggers would not shop at Trader Joe’s, which is for young, hip urbanites! They would obviously choose Aldi’s side in the Brothers War!” But upon reflection, I’m not actually sure if that’s true. Trader Joe’s is a relatively cheap grocery store with whimsical decor. Sure, lots of people my age like it, but, let’s be real: I am beginning my sixth decade on this planet and that is prime plugger age. Many pluggers probably enjoy their various products! Certainly the ones in California! One must learn to adjust one’s knee-jerk opinions in the face of evidence, lest one become a plugger oneself.

Marvin, 6/18/25

It honestly would be pretty bleak if the “I [HEART] DADDY” mug that Jeff is drinking out of had actually been picked out for him by the son that he’s currently in the process of demonstrating his boundless contempt for. Fortunately, Marvin actually fully reciprocates this loathing; the mug was no doubt purchased by Jenny — not, sadly, as a sex thing, but rather in a last-ditch attempt to forge a bond between her husband and her son, neither of whom she feels particularly warmly towards herself.

The Lockhorns, 6/18/25

Aw, man, Leroy looks kind of sad here. He was honestly looking forward to getting all elaborately dressed up, burning some steaks, and then serving them up drenched in hard liquor for him and Loretta to eat outside together. But I guess yet another attempt to have a good time with his wife has failed to live up to her standards.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/13/25

It’s never entirely clear whether Hootin’ Holler was cut off from the rest of the Newnited States by some abrupt cataclysm or a gradual societal decline, but one thing is certain: while financial transactions there are still notionally measured in terms of cash, the reality is that the local economy is increasingly barter-based.

Family Circus, 6/13/25

Each of the Keane Kids has their own assigned role in the family, and Dolly’s is to be a fucking snitch. She even narcs on herself! Sad!

Marvin, 6/13/25

Hey, bench kid who probably has a name but I haven’t bothered to learn it: you shouldn’t look so smug either! None of you should! None of you have anything to be smug about! You all have bad personalities and are very unappealing!

(UPDATE: HA HA YES IT’S WARREN IT’S RIGHT THERE WHOOPS)