Guns (not in Andy Capp, that’s knifecrime territory)
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Andy Capp, 12/13/25
Hartlepool is part of the Tees Valley Combined Authority, a conurbation of 700,000 people in the far northeast of England, and it’s frankly sad that brain surgeons are so thin on the ground there that this young (?) woman would call the profession “exotic.” Ditto for pilots, especially given the poor state of the British rail system! Anyway, I used to read Andy Capp as a kid and one of the strip’s running bits that puzzled and disturbed me the most was when women at the pub would flirt with Andy. How old were they supposed to be? Were we supposed to read them as attractive? Didn’t they know he’s married? These questions still haunt me today, but not as much as this woman’s unnaturally located and shaped breasts, which I think is a 21st century addition to the strip.
The Phantom, 12/13/25
Hey, kids, were you wondering what the Phantom was up to? Well, there’s a lot of plot I haven’t gotten into over the past few months, but frankly you don’t have to know about any of it to enjoy this drawing of him just firing two pistols down a hallway at nobody in particular. The Phantom: The Superhero Whose Superpower Is Guns™!
Dick Tracy, 12/13/25
Speaking of guns, were you wondering what clown-criminal Rojo Ozob was up to? Well, it seems that rather than “playing it cool” when a potential adversary is parked out front of his hideout, he instead orders his underlings to charge out with whatever weapons they have at hand, which can lead to unpleasant results if the potential adversary turns out to be the cops. I guess this guy really is a clown, ha ha! (I’m using “clown” here in the metaphorical sense, so as to highlight his incompetence.)
33 replies to “Guns (not in Andy Capp, that’s knifecrime territory)”
Phantom:
“Whatever moral authority he acquires by going in there with guns blazing is going to go right down the tubes when they see that ridiculous get-up he’s dressed in,” muses thoughtful Devil.
Dick Tracy:
“What’s that rectangular musical symbol that’s off-panel, just above what’s being displayed?”
“You’re under a rest!”
JP: ‘What’s there to question, Neddy? Sophie’s hungry for this guy, and doesn’t know whether she wants dull stability or wild exoticism!’
‘What the-?’
‘When gran’pa passes out from one of his benders, gran’ma would park me in front of the Hallmark Channel while she takes him to the hospital. You ever see Hot Frosty?’
MW: This is a delight. A pure delight.
CS: Wow, a strip so lazy that Batiuk couldn’t even write three panels worth of material and forced his artist to compensate by drawing that glurgey third panel with literally nothing happening.
Luann: Okay, if we end this storyline right here, right now, I will take back what I said yesterday.
Wrecks Moregone:
Winter might at least have the basic decency to try to keep the $ signs out of her eyes.
Andy Capp: I’m pretty sure that damsel is a lady of the evening. She may not be all that attractive, but she makes up for it with barely convincing flattery.
Dick Tracy: I like “Claudia,” who looks like a walk-on “Archie” character who’s startled to see that both Betty and Veronica are in love with the red-haired kid. Wearing a big turtleneck to a clown-led heist isn’t a choice I’d make, but to each their own.
The Phantom: “This should make for better behavior around here!” says the Phantom. The bad guys can’t hear him over the sound of machine-gun fire, but he really meant it as training for his wolf-dog in case it ever decides to bark at the mailman or chew on his slippers.
Wary Morth:
If I were Ian, I would take Toby’s new son and put him in with her SPLAK! horsies. Let’s see how fast she disowns him, then.
@BigTed:
Andy should just let the damsel take a look at his wallet.
Andy Capp – The lass’s dreams will be crushed when she finds out that Andy can’t afford a hooker.
Phantom:
Patrolwoman Dai has created a mess
You’d think that her actions would cause him great stress
But Phantom’s reaction is buoyant and droll:
That’s why he’s the head of the Jungle Patrol
Now, Bowie might say of the crooks on the lam
That Phantom will win: “He’s a total blam blam!”
Restoring some order is our hero’s goal —
He steps in to manage the Jungle Patrol
The wolf sports a quizzical attitude there —
Perhaps you’d describe it as “Devil-May-Care”
But all of Bangalla will soon be made whole
‘Cause Phantom’s now leading the Jungle Patrol
(The usual thanks to Uncle Lumpy for allowing me to imitate this form of expression that he’s mastered)
@Ukranazi Stepan: @Weaselboy: Maybe not at full price, but I bet he has a coupon. (Or maybe he can get a friends-and-family rate, since she’s probably somebody’s cousin.)
Andy Capp-Have you ever heard of Jack the Ripper?
RMMD-Auggie will later on show Summer a lot of icing.
I wonder if the EVILSCARYCLOWN will deter Baja from the comments today?
Because I just wanted to say, thanks for the mentions last night that I didn’t see until this morning :3
AC: Her Eastern Bloc boob job probably seemed exotic at the time also.
@The Quiet Man: With any luck, Crankshaft’s third panel is the setup for the pizza-box guy taking a tumble down those un-shoveled steps as he leaves the bookstore — frankly I’m surprised there’s not a pile of injured patrons at the bottom already, with a swarm of lawyers waving business cards — and his identity will be revealed next week as the emergency room staff cuts him out of the costume.
Phantom: What is that bubble with its weird border supposed to be? It’s like some weird speech bubble-thought bubble hybrid. Has Manley perfected the art of depicting mumbling?
Andy Capp : all I can think about is how this is essentially the opposite of EVERY Dustin comic where he goes to a bar. So drunk lout from Oop Nort’ is living Dustin Kudlick’s american dream.
************
Crankshaft : Amelia and Bedelia should have probably shoveled the stairs before they left. A guy in a hard-to-move-in costume and an elderly woman could slip and fall and
(hopefully)break their necks on those!************
Dick Tracy : If Ozob’s moll uses this as an excuse to duck out of sight so she can change into Ghost Cat… I’ll cry foul because the dialogue CLEARLY established Ghost Cat is a guy.
(I dunno why my mind went there, maybe it’s because I can’t parse what the hell this story is trying to be about)
************
Frazz : “When I go to the mall, and see people Christmas shopping, all I feel is ANGER and HATRED and JEALOUSY because they’re not buying presents FOR ME”….
…I’m surprised that Caufield shows the self-awareness to realise thinking that way is messed up, but am really concerned Frazz DOESN’T.
…or wait, am I reading this wrong, and is he saying “When I see a shop offering a discount, all I can think about is how little this is meant for my convenience and how much more it is for the store to make more money”?, but phrasing it weird?************
Luann : and that’s the last we’ll ever see of Dash. Come back in 5+ months (whenever the strip remembers Ox exists again) for an off-hand mention of “Oh yeah, Dash. I petted him too hard, like Molly, so he’s gone now.”
…Too far?…***********
Phantom : On one hand, I dunno if “SHOOT INDISCRIMINATELY IN THE DIRECTION OF TROUBLE” is a good idea when several of the people in that direction are on your side. On the other hand, yeah, it’ll “get some heads down” and “make for better behavior”, because corpses tend to lay with their heads on the ground, not doing any mischief.
Andy Capp: Of course the breasts are awkwardly placed. They’re a work-in-progress. That is so obviously a dude.
Dick Tracy: For some reason (incompetence), Ozob the Nwolc is putting in a mouth guard to prepare for a gun fight.
When someone rushes at Dick Tracy–Dick Tracy–with a drawn gun, Dick tells him to “Drop it” instead of plugging him and claiming a reasonable fear of harm? I don’t believe it.
@Ken: Does Lillian have an interior set of stairs or is that a separate unit she turned into the bookstore? Because then *she* could take a tumble outside as our Christmas glurgey storyline
ANDY CAPP: Andy can now claim to be a pilot who performs brain surgery mid- flight -something he NEVER could have thought of on his own.
RMMD: “Hey, Summer, my editor just called. They’re offering twice as much money if I make Winter the psycho stalker.”
“What are you waiting for? To the laptop!”
MW: Way to de-escalate, Toby. Now, put the bird in his little stroller and take him out for a walkie.
MW: Ian challenges Sunny to a duel. Sunny (real name: Jose Luis Xóchitl Y Garcia) picks South American boleadoras as his weapon of choice. Ian clumsily swings the weapon and quickly wraps the weighted strings around his own neck while Sunny lets out a hardy Ha! Ha! Ha!
Andy Capp: Teesside Airport, the closest to Hartlepool, often sees as little as one flight a day, and 90% of its flights are tiny 45 minute hops to Amsterdam for business types in the petrochemical industry. I’ve flown from there a few times, so trust me when I say they really don’t get many pilots there, and the ones they do get really don’t stick around. (As far as I can tell, the brain surgeon situation in Tees Valley is pretty good though)
MT Look, I am an extra-anxious person when it comes to nature’s dangers, and even I wouldn’t base cancelling an activity on some proprietary weather app contradicting multiple well-established weather models and (the lack of) hazard warnings. In the real world, the “weather wizard” app’s prediction of flash floods would be some hallucinated AI slop for clicks.
Phantom: Look. All I’m saying is that nobody can PROVE that the Phantom isn’t using a crotch-gun. Maybe he’s using his unseen left arm, and maybe he isn’t.
Either the women who regularly flirt with Andy Capp are sex workers, or he has movie-idol looks that the iconic flap cap can’t obscure. Or maybe the women are incredibly turned on by men who keep their eyes covered, such as Beetle Bailey attracting Miss Buxley, and Beetle’s nephew Chip having a string of girlfriends.
AC- Um, Josh – you do know they have hookers in England, right? Although they probably call them flobbywots or some other eccentric, yet charming, name that the Brits seem to have for everything. Maybe he’ll buy her a big plate of toad in the hole. Or is that how pub girls refer to their grimy, lower-class patrons like Andy? I can’t keep this stuff straight.
Judge Parker: I don’t know why this happens. Every time I’ve seen the little girl in Judge Parker this week, a certain Prince song keeps popping up in my head.
Mary Worth: You may have noticed I’ve not done a mashup of Mary Worth in the past few days. I couldn’t “improve” big Ian raging against the little bird while the little bird taunts him. Kudos, Mary Worth Team!
Phantom: I never noticed The Phantom’s stripey drawers, ahem, lift and separate before today’s strip. Has he always had such a shapely ass?
DT: Claudia looks like what would happen if Shaggy and Velma mated.
AC: She didn’t have just any boob lift; she had the boob clean! (but without the followup boob jerk)
@Gil Bates:
p.s. She has the snatch down, though.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Not much chance of ducking out early!”
“Even the windows are blocked!”
“Bah! We might as well submit to it”
“Next up is ‘I Dreamed I Saw Joe Hill Last Night’…”
AC: It’s funny because Andy is about to wake up in a hotel bathtub filled with ice, minus one kidney!
Ph: I like how even the dog is looking at him as if to say “Really? This is how you real with ‘bad behavior’?”
DT: Hmm, this is the first time I’ve seen Ozob. Not sure what I was expecting, but “Beetlejuice’s fatter, more off-putting brother” wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
AC – We can’t see it, but her first clue should have been the piss pooling under his bar stool….
Phantom – Pest control – Charles Bronson style….
DT – I hope that white dot signifies a cell phone camera! This will be great for the blooper reel at his retirement roast….
Adios Amigos, DJ.