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Dick Tracy, 10/8/24

New Dick Tracy story, everybody! It’s with a guest writer and guest artist but in keeping with the vibe of present-day Dick Tracy, it’s name-checking a beloved villain from the past, who despite being named “Arson” was a guy who used nitroglycerine to blow up safes. Anyway, I like the final panel, where Sam Catchem is grotesquely leering over Jay Scarborough’s corpse. I’m assuming we can’t see most of the vic’s face because it’s been hamburgerized by one to several bullets, and Sam is contemplating the limits of facial recognition AI.

Gasoline Alley, 10/8/24

Speaking of AI, who would’ve thought that Gasoline Alley, that most ancient and hoary of comic strips, would feature not one but multiple artificial intelligences? We’ve already met ART, the Automatic Robotic Tech-nurse, and today we encounter his (?) son (???), Arty, an AI doll, whose main purpose seems to be to compete against, and perhaps defeat in combat, evil magic dolls like Ida Noe. I say let ’em duke it out! I will be more than willing to pledge allegiance to the winner.

Gil Thorp, 10/8/24

While Gil is laid up in bed, the Mudlarks fight on, led by Assistant Coaches Martinez and Ochoa in his absence. Anyway, turns out Assistant Coaches Martinez and Ochoa suck ass! “I’m struggling out there, coach.” “Right, that’s because they know Coach Thorp isn’t here! They’re exploiting our weaknesses, especially our coaching weaknesses! Now get out there and win, or you’re personally failing Gil!”

Mary Worth, 10/8/24

Wait, did we know that Estelle was a widow? Did she murder Jimmy, because he didn’t pay close enough attention to her? I’m very much looking forward to this flashback, because I assume it’ll answer these questions, and I also assume it’ll take place in the ’90s and I want to see what the Mary Worth team thinks grunge fashion looks like.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/25/24

Once upon a time, your average newspaper reader looked forward to the middle of the week with eager anticipation. That’s because they knew that Wednesday was “Miss Buxley Wednesday,” an opportunity to turn to the comics page and briefly become horny from looking at a crude drawing of an attractive blonde woman in a skimpy black dress. But then we all got older, especially the old man who was the blonde woman’s boss, and while we’re still going through the Wednesday motions, nobody’s getting horny anymore, not really. Instead, the old man is getting exasperated by his subordinate, and the blonde woman, even more crudely drawn than before, is quietly typing away in the background, presumably grateful that nobody is getting horny at her.

Dick Tracy, 9/25/24

Speaking of letdowns, if you were a mysterious alien being with innate biological powers, a command of advanced technologies, and a vague plan to conquer humanity, how would you think your Wednesday would go? Probably you wouldn’t guess that you’d be spending it going through some file cabinets, right? But that’s just how it happens sometimes. Into everyone’s life, a little file cabinet searching must fall, even into the lives of aliens from the Moon.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/25/24

Hey guys! Did you know that trigger finger happens with a tendon sheath is inflamed and creates a temporary inability to straighten a finger or thumb? Pretty neat, huh? Not sure exactly what you’re supposed to do about it, but if we’re lucky, we might find out soon!

Shoe, 9/25/24

Oh, the Perfesser’s refill isn’t scheduled for another week but he needs more sleeping pills now? Interesting, interesting. Look, I’m not saying a “the Perfesser gets addicted to downers” would be a great new direction for this strip, but it’d probably be better than [spends 45 seconds trying to come up with a funny and pithy description of what exactly Shoe has been getting at for the past 20 years, then fails and gives up] whatever it’s doing now.

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Dustin, 9/9/24

Deckhand on an Alaskan crab boat.
Choker setter for a logging crew.
Apprentice roofer.

C’mon, Dustin—get it over with.

Dick Tracy, 9/9/24

Sure, Ro-Zan is dangerous but Thorin, with his desperation at Moon Valley losing its atmosphere, known antipathy to Terrans, and blatant disregard for human rights, is no saint either—and he’s headed your way, Diet. Don’t forget, “the nation that controls magnetism will control the universe,” and said nation is emphatically not yours.

Hi and Lois, 9/9/24

Hi will both mash his thumb and pulverize the precious Oxy he’ll need for the pain. Ditto will tell him he can still snort it, but he has to pick out the plastic fragments first. Hi will ignore him—he’s in a hurry, dammit—and maybe he can hassle the E.R. docs for more Oxy to ease the pain from his nosebleed.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/24

Truck sits and ponders his answer: “Am I Truck Tyler? Used to be, kid; used to be ….”

—Uncle Lumpy