To be fair, I wouldn’t to do anything together with either Hi or Lois
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Hi and Lois, 1/23/26
Now, if you only have a surface understanding of my whole deal, you’re going to read this and say, “Ooooh, Josh is going to make a joke about Hi and Lois having sex.” Absolutely wrong! Look at their near-panicked facial expressions in the first panel. I’m not sure what exactly is going on in the room to which they’ve retreated in panel two, but it’s not sex. Probably crying, if I had to guess.
Alice, 1/23/26
Speaking of facial expressions conveying negative emotions, from Alice’s stricken facial expression here I do not think we’re supposed to be taking the “Hoarder’s Hell” caption as being “fun” or “ironic”! Do you think living in a vast and mostly featureless void like the Aliceverse makes it more pleasant to be a hoarder, because you have infinite room to put all your stuff, or less pleasant, because there are no external brakes on your compulsion? Based on Alice’s whole vibe here, I’m thinking it’s the latter.
Intelligent Life, 1/23/26
If you want a picture of the future, imagine two absolutely insufferable dork-ass nerds saying “Got the reference!” back and forth to one another — forever.
70 replies to “To be fair, I wouldn’t to do anything together with either Hi or Lois”
H and L:
“We never do anything together anymore.”
“Well, if you look at the history of this strip, we really never did anything together to begin with, so what’s your point?”
Lois is showing Hi the anchor cell of her spreadsheet – comma delimited.
RMMD: I have a legitimate question. Is there a single person in this strip who doesn’t have terrible hair?
MW: Five seconds after the new parrot entered the condo, Toby said she was going to see if this was a lost pet, like she should have done for Sunny. Did she already forget? Are we going to repeat this plot with ever-increasing birds for the rest of eternity, like No Exit? Hell is other parrots?
IL: To be fair, with such severe microcephaly, I doubt either of these two are capable of much more than “I understood that reference” ad infinitum.
I’m eagerly awaiting “Avengers: Somehow Robert Downey Jr. Plays Every Part.” As soon as I get done at my job working for Robert Downey Jr., I’m gonna see the movie with my girlfriend, Robert Downey Jr.
“We never do anything together anymore”
“I guessed you were doing enough together with Thirsty”
“What do you mean!?!?”
“I know, I have always known”
IL: I read “the whopper movie this year” and honestly thought that this meant Burger King was making a Whopper movie. This strip is actively sapping my brain cells.
H and L:
Well, I don’t see Chip out there asking that question, so he must be behind closed doors with Hi and Lois — the three of them manipulating a Ouija board together, which is a little too mature for Dot and Ditto.
Why doesn’t the Intelligent Lifesters’ car have a roof? Are they having these conversations on the Grand Prix ride at Kennywood?
Imagine carpooling every day to work as a wage slave and your only distraction is discussing the product of the capitalist entertainment industry. “Intelligent Life”, just like “Blondie”, has always been Stalinist propaganda
Alice:
Wow. I see Rick Nielsen from Cheap Trick is interacting with Alice. He’s probably going to ask her whether she wants to revive her comic strip career by going “Live at Budokan.”
Hi and Lois are just trying to finish the game of Risk they started in 2007 and never finished. The instructions are gone, they don’t remember how to play, and pieces are missing, but the important thing is they aren’t with their awful children right now.
If you sell something and buy it back, the real economy gain is zero, but it counts twice in the GDP measurement! Alice is doing her best to inflate the official stats!
HI AND LOIS: Ok, we’ll compromise then, Josh. Hi and Lois still “never do anything together anymore”, but sex is happening behind that “do not disturb” sign.
IL: Are they on a ferris wheel where the carriages are supposed to be flying cars of the future meant for kids? Cause that’s the vibe I’m getting here.
Intelligent Life:
There they are, cruising at 10,000 feet again — I wonder if they hijacked “Supercar” from Mike Mercury and crew.
@matt w:
I’m becoming convinced one of these dickheads is dying, and their flying sky car talks are his fevered, final dreams. Yes, his ailing ravaged physical form still makes that idiotic, pursed-lips look.
RMMD:
“Follow me, and we’ll get you prepped for surgery.”
“I can’t! — my eye’s too cloudy to see where you’re going! That was the whole point of the surgery….”
I hate what “Intelligent Life” does with the characters’ lips, for example today in panel 1. It looks like they are goldfish or they are kissing the Invisible man or they are… doing other things to the Invisible man. And given they are just mindlessly devoted nerds, I could see them doing that!
Also I don’t think I knew Alice had a dog. Cute! I am glad the dog isn’t drawn like the humans.
We’ve just caught sight of Alice’s dog, who looks more-or-less normal. Does this mean that whatever’s going on with Alice’s head isn’t whimsical character design? Are we supposed to understand that. in-universe, she’s just like that? It explains a lot, honestly.
H&L: C’mon, guys. Occam’s razor says it’s mutual suicide.
@Lauralot:
What are you talking about? Everyone has the latest styles 1959 has to offer.
@A Grave Mind: Yeah, the guy in the passenger seat is obviously undergoing chemo treatments that aren’t working. This should make me happier but I still don’t want to see their stupid faces!
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch a comic strip character as much as I do with these two nerds.
Mary Worth:
Sunny and Rosie watch a World War II movie together and shout “Tora! Tora! Tora!” as they divebomb hapless Ian as he makes his entrance.
H&L: Yeah, like “Do Not Disturb” works with kids. Within seconds, Dot and Ditto will be on fire and spurting blood respectively.
MW: If nothing else, Ian will stop procrastinating about putting those screens in the windows.
9CL: Why yes, Amos, the world IS teeming with women that you have to fend off. Personally, I’m hoping for process server or, better yet, hired killer.
Take that Marie Kondo! Unfortunately, Marie Kondo does not read Alice or any comics, because they do not spark joy
H&L Ha instead of going out, they’re staying in! And instead of doing something, they’re doing nothing! I’m not sure if they even exist on the other side of that door! They might have flipped the script on reality itself!
Alice “Well, that’s what i would be doing if my tiny arms could reach the keyboard. Damn tyrannosaur ancestors …”
IL Im becoming increasingly convinced that this whole strip is a plot by the American Library Association to make movies and TV look lame.
The only thing keeping Alice from hoarding is that it’s too difficult to draw a lot of objects.
IL: I’d guess that their flying silver car is a reference to the song “Silver Machine”, except that I’m sure the interior is far from “antiseptically clean”.
Alice: We could all learn a lot from that puppy. Specifically, we could learn to simply ignore whatever Alice is doing.
In this case, it makes that nurse look like Mindy. I hope the doctor looks like Buck, and the anesthesiologists look like Beanpole and Skinny.
RMMD “I’ll be here when you’re done – hopefully by that point my claw-like hand will have morphed back into something I can use to operate our car and go home”
DT annnd we add “bedframe design no hotel would use” (would anyone?) to “no guest access security whatsoever”. What is this, Assassin’s Haven Hotels Inc.?
Curtis well, this sounds ominous
I used to like Pickles, and it’s possible the author (like Batiuk) has run out of ideas for humor, but it’s just turning into the Lockhorns now.
As the resident guy who thinks about Hi and Lois far far more is healthy, I regret to inform you that a couple with seven-year-old twins and a baby probably has an active sex life, or did until recently. It’s their emotional needs that are going unfulfilled!
IL: It’s sad that Intelligent Life is mostly about two nerds trying to one up each other through nerd references. It’s tragic that they think “There’s another Avengers movie” counts as some obscure nerd-cred-boosting fact.
Calling FAKE NERD on these guys, a real dorkass would get furious about how the character’s name is The Doctor, not Doctor Who, and the rest of the series would be them arguing.
RMMD:
“June, what do you suppose is wrong with the chap with the dark glasses who’s directly across from us?”
“He thinks he’s Roy Orbison — even though Roy never had a mustache!”
@Dan: “Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Doctor.”
“Doctor who?”
“He’s just called the doctor, you ignoramus!”
Hi and Lois are probably plotting a worker [character?]’s takeover of the strip. “We never do anything together anymore.” “You’re right, Comrade! Let’s ditch the kids and rediscover class solidarity for a couple of hours!”
Wary Morth:
What happens when Parrot Number Three moves in after Pompous Axx finally accepts this one? Squawk! Chirp! Ha ha ha!
MW: Looks like the writers liked the last (OMG) eleven weeks so much, they’ve decided to do it again.
Alice: [Offstage screaming] YOOOUUURRR BAAAAABYYYY IIIIISSS NOOOOT FOOOR SAAAAALLLLEE MOOOOOMMMYYYY
IL – It’s cool that they’re talking about the upcoming Avengers movie while recreating the final shot of Grease…or maybe Thelma and Louise. Yeah, I’m gonna go with Thelma and Louise.
Intelligent Life: The clouds and sky outside the dorks’ car seems to indicate that they are flying high in the friendly skies, if it helps (it doesn’t), and therefore more likely to die in a spectacular fireball (it does).
LUANN: Some of you cynical sorts would say that Phil’s snap assumption that Jack “majored in football” is rude and condescending, but he’s actually being a good boyfriend here, by quickly changing the subject before the awkward silence that’s sure to follow Luann trying to explain what her “talent” is.
@A Grave Mind: I was going to say . . . Except Iron Man, but of course there would be a flashback scene.
DtM: “I’ve never had a reservation before.”
“Don’t worry about it ’cause you won’t be there.”
FC: Thel thinks. “Probably a Tijuana bible knowing her mom.”
H&L – This really brings the affordability crisis home. The future is indeed bleak….
Alice – And for twice I sold it for. The affordability crisis strikes again….
AL – Did I mention that a medium movie popcorn costs fifteen bucks….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
There’s a somewhat mean-spirited comic I don’t remember the name of that was about the various customers in a comics/game store and the ridiculous things the employees would have to listen to them saying. Intelligent Life is like someone tried to take the other side and let us see how funny and clever the customers actually are, except they never figured out that wit is only evident in their own heads. Based on this solitary strip I’m going to propose a template:
Panel 1: Generic enthusiastic comment about some other, popular media that isn’t this comic. Panel 2: An pop culture reference. Panel 3: The characters laugh and admire themselves, happy and comforted to share their cool inside jokes.
My new theory is that IL is written entirely by AI. Humans don’t talk like this.
Pluggers who can’t use a hammer for half an hour without injury should not be allowed to handle an electric drill or table saw.
Lockhorns: Too bad they couldn’t shop at the supermarket where the adult diapers are between the beer and the produce or another natural laugh could be put into today’s panel.
DtM:
“They taste like peanut butter sandwiches inside the cage where we’re locking you while we enjoy a few Dennis-free hours.”
“What?”
“NOTHING”
Blondie: The sommelier should be working at a restaurant with crayons on the table and mazes on the placemats.
BG&SS: Two broken hips coming up in panel three. Good thing people your grandparents’ age heal so quickly.
HtH: Today’s strip is brought to you by the archaeologists who discovered history’s subdivision of McMansions this week at an excavation near Helsingborg.
GT: The drawings of bodies playing basketball is something I could get used to.
Alice: I definitely thought Alice’s dog, curled up under the table, was some sort of taxidermied monstrosity that she’d repurchased.
To be fair, my unconscious was positing a scenario where a strip about hoarding actually featured a tiny fraction of said hoard. `1 percent is infinitely bigger than 0 percent, y’all.
RMMD: “Dr Magoo will be with you shortly.”
[GULP!]
@matt w: The kids are only existence that Lois has had an active sex live.
I am so glad my local paper doesn’t carry “Intelligent Life.” Even if the jokes were any good, I couldn’t look at those faces every morning.
@A Grave Mind: With the way AI and DeepFakes are going, this may soon be a reality. Have you seen the Elmo as Paul Atreides fake? If not search for it on Youtube, it is pretty well done.
MW-A despondent Wilbur suicidal after the death of his other fish will take in the second bird.
FC-“Well we were thinking of naming you Bathsheba.”
(Un)IL — It may consist of an eternity of inanity and smugness in a vehicle with no roof, but at least this hell won’t occur in a featureless void like the other two strips.
“I’ve already ordered the TMA-1 Monolith, the TMA-1 Monolith stand, and the ‘Great Wall’ Monolith from 2063, the one that’s fallen on its side. Now I just need to order the TMA-2 and TMA-0 Monoliths and my set will be complete! If someone doesn’t throw them out this time because he thinks they’re ‘unmarked dominos.'”
FC: Dolly’s about to find out that her name is short for “Delilah:”
Luann: A career as a vet is hard, competitive to get into vet school (often as difficult if not more so than human medical school) and expensive.
Crankshaft: Is Tom Batiuk digging through some old photos? The drawings in frames 2 and 3 look like copies from reference photos.
Blondie: Dagwood doesn’t care! Chianti with fish is fine! Just as he mixes meats, condiments and garnishes on his sandwiches. It all goes into his gullet.
Bizarro: a reference that probably soars over the head of many younger readers. Look up Gary Oldman when he played the arms dealer in The Fifth Element and the visual gag works very well.
DT: I guess the costume is needed to set the mood. The Mirror ditched the costume in order to talk/con the maid into opening the door to Czar’s room. Then puts the costume back on in order to do evil things? I guess the costume sets the mood. Is there a carry bag for the costume?
HL: Probably a puzzle they haven’t finished.
JP: Ding, Ding, who’s there? Is it Charlotte, Russian Ex-KGB Mafia, Randy/Sam, or Emil!
MW: Toby realizes that she has three parrots now: Sunny, Rosie and of course, Ian! Awk!
GT: Drawings of actual sports done in a realistic way. Really going to miss Jason Margos when he gets hired away!
Phantom: A lot of the Phantom has not aged well, and stuff like this makes it seem he is bringing the General to his kill room like some serial killer.
RMMD: Is it Rex Morgan MD or ME – like Quincy ME? Is Rex branching out further? In addition to being a part time general surgeon, ophthalmologist he also is the county coroner? Oh No, I’ve just opened up another avenue of stories!
Hi and Lois can not let their children see that they have Pokemon cards.
***
Nobody talks like that, bald nerd. Not even the geekiest dweeb or the dorkiest geek. Scarf nerd though? Yeah, that’s about right.
DtM: C’mon, Dennis, ditch the kids-say-the darndest-things act and get menacing! Something like, “Why are you making reservations for dinner? I already have reservations about your dinner every night!” will do.
FC: Dolly can be short for Dorothy/Dorothea, meaning “God’s gift,” which, while not from the Bible, is fairly holy sounding. However, it can also be short for “Dolores” which is in the (Latin) Bible (though not as a name) and means “sorrow” or “pain,” which I think is what Thel was going for.
“You’re welcome. At least he’s not playing the Doctor I always had a . . . Crusher on! Hah! Get it! Come on, don’t be McCoy about it. Hey, why are you grabbing the wheel and steering into the other lane?”
H&L – Given that the last three times they did something it ended in Chip, Dot-Ditto, and Trixie respectively, I’d be more inclined to go out… ANYWHERE.
Alice – Adding insult to injury, Alice sees that the prices have gone way up at TwoDimensionalIKEA.com.
Intelligent Life – And by “Whopper Movie,” he means the movie that will have tie-in toys at Burger King.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’m ready for my annual big night on the town”
“Fine. I’ve made all the necessary arrangements”
[Sign: NIGHTCLUB TOURS]
“I think we’re ready this time”
[Sign: WATCH OUT!]
Whatever Hi and Lois might be doing together in the bedroom, we can be sure it’s not watching Trixie.
For the record, I too despise the mouths in Intelligent Life.
@A Grave Mind: I reluctantly kind of appreciated the scarf, then realized the colorist either didn’t understand the Doctor Who reference or didn’t want to make the effort.