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This week’s comment of the week: It is here, for you to enjoy.

“Pinocchio holds his own control bars aloft and finally earns his therapist’s approval despite the obvious fact that the physics of the whole situation — just like the original ‘lifting oneself by one’s bootstraps’ — are quite impossible. He is no Aristotelian unmoved mover. Pinocchio knows this; he has grimly resigned himself to a performative dance of supposed self-determination to avoid the smug nagging of those around him.” –hurricanenate

The runners up? They are also here, and I think you will laugh at them as well!

“Snuffy is indeed dreaming if he thinks he can outrun any those animals.” –But What Do I Know?

“‘I want to name our ice cream parlor Buster’s after Buster Douglas!’ ‘Oh yeah? Well, I want to name our ice cream parlor Brewster’s after Brewster’s Millions.’ ‘If only there were a compromise that would dissatisfy both of us!’” –Joe Blevins

“Sure, Snuffy can afford specialized packaged snack foods like animal crackers, when his family can barely get up the scratch to buy oil and dredging flour for Loweezy to fry up the chickens he steals. Why not say he’s eating caviar with crème fraîche on toast points, while you’re at it? Sheesh!” –BigTed

“I can’t believe you, Tommy. You’re supposed to be a Froyo Guy! If you got peer pressured into returning to ice cream this easily, your sobriety can’t last long.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“Dawn and Wilbur and Tommy are so happy! It hurts my very soul.” –matt w

“None of these people know how to eat an ice cream cone, do they? Wilbur is rubbing the ice cream over his chin, Tommy is going in for the slightly-open-mouth kiss, and Dawn has blanked out and doesn’t even remember what she’s holding.” –Basil Wishbone

“A summer porch isn’t a porch until you’re holding a lemonade! Before that it’s a deck, at best. I don’t know what you have to drink to make it a veranda.” –Mr. A

“This would normally be a lead-up to the infamous Shoe Google Eyes of Horror, but Roz doesn’t flinch at all. The Perfesser dying alone would be the least shocking thing to happen in this strip.” –pugfuggly

“Number one reason workers strike gas lines: distraction. Blowing up the neighborhood would be Dennis’s crowning menace.” –MKay

“Secondly, ‘kidnapping’ would count as something happening, and that’s not allowed in this strip. You might want to try over at Judge Parker; those people get abducted at the drop of a hat.” –TheDiva

“Why is Wilbur talking in that stilted, early-reader prose? ‘It is too small to fit much food.’ Is he trying to explain to an unseen audience of preschoolers what small is? ‘The pan is small. It is not big. Not much food can fit in it. This pan is smaller than my stomach.’” –Chance

“I can’t help feeling that this is the puppet equivalent of masturbation, which makes it rather disturbing that this is all happening on the psychiatrist’s couch as he watches approvingly.” –Schroduck

“Perhaps it’s that triglyceride-laden sandwich you just consumed — made of Gruyere cheese, ham, bechamel sauce and white bread — that’s causing you such discomfort, sir. Why, you might croque, Monsieur!” –Bob Tice

“I’m honestly shocked that Gertie is pondering which consumer grade gasoline to douse herself in for date night. You can buy 98 octane Sunoco Green E15, the official fuel of NASCAR, at over 150 specialty fuel distributors nationwide. There’s no excuse for this, Gertie!” –Beaston

“Calm down there, Uncle Jimmy. You’re constantly being thwarted by the cast of Rex Morgan, M.D., for crying out loud. When you get out, you should be begging for a job at the vintage blow mold figure emporium instead of planning the next crime you will fumble hilariously.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“At last this story can move on to the main plot: What Brandy’s going to do for money now that Freda’s replaced her with a self-checkout after her three-month absence.” –Charterstone: Dune

“Gertie looks genuinely excited in the first panel about going out to dinner with her husband! I’d like to say this is a sign that she really does love him despite constantly denying him any respite from her NASCAR monomania, but it’s more likely that after extensive negotiations she consented to going to a NASCAR-themed restaurant such as Lancaster’s BBQ in Mooresville, North Carolina, where she can sit in the #3 Dale Earnhardt Bus while he stares into the middle distance and slowly dies inside.” –Vulpes

“‘I have pockets??’ ‘You do now. ‘You are a mighty wizard!’” –Voshkod

“Merlin, I know it’s not polite to ask, but how is your nose the only part of your face not covered in hair? It goes all the way up to your eyelashes! Are you shaving your nose every morning?” –Lauralot

“What’s that you say? I just have to sign and the company can legally push Lockhorn down an elevator shaft? Of course I’ll sign, I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, not sure why you had to stand on a stool to tell me that. Where do I initial to get my office walls back?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I know it’s not polite to ask …. but I’m not polite! I casually violate social conventions all the time, and everyone knows it! Sometimes I murder people just to grab their valuables! I’m a goddamn viking! Anyway, do you have much cash on hand?” –Rita Lake

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