Post Content

[insert vaguely topical joke leading into COTW here]

“The Perfesser seems to have an endless supply of uncles that he periodically kills for the sake of doing ‘bits’ with other people, his only real way of socially interacting with people. One day, unfortunately for him, Skyler will do the same with him.” –ectojazzmage

[continue on same riff while acknowledging that runners up are very funny here]

“But, confusingly, also a birdie.” –Roscoe

“The fact that Weirdly thought that simply demonstrating that he didn’t release his monstrosity on the innocent populace would absolve him of any guilt implies that the possession (and perhaps even creation) of such a creature is totally legal. When you consider that Weirdly has been making weird critters for years, it’s a sad indictment of the Forest Kingdom’s ability to pass important bioethics legislation. Only now that it has resulted in actual harm will anything get done, because as always, regulations are written in blood, or at least the tears of frightened rabbits.” –Vulpes

“To be fair, Marvin needs to change outfits three to four times a day on average thanks to his apocalyptic diaper blowouts; you can’t blame Jeff for not bothering to keep track.” –TheDiva

“Commissions, eh? Good thing Hank Harwood Jr. is too far away to see the art of someone’s furry OC getting eaten by an inflated Sonic the Hedgehog that ‘Horrible’ Hank Sr. is drawing for sweet sweet Patreon bucks!” –Schroduck

“See, this is what a good marriage is all about — teamwork. ‘I see you’re having trouble coming up with a punchline to that setup, honey. Let me help you out. Okay, that’s our work for today. I’m heading to the breakroom if you need me.’” –Joe Blevins

“What I wouldn’t give to have an all-powerful narration box in my life to come around, offer a reset, and provide me cover for when I’ve made a horrible narrative decision in my life. ‘Mighty Captain E sure made the wrong choice in that situation, but nobody witnessed that gaffe, so let’s just move on.’ Instead, my narration box constantly inserts itself in my brain to keep reminding me what a fool I am. ‘Oh boy, E sure screwed the pooch there. Let’s go over how many ways that will probably mess up his life.’” –The Mighty Captain E

“Are these two chuckleheads going to bomb a data center? Congratulations, Intelligent Life, for capturing my attention for the first and only time.” –Mr. A

“Now for the title change; I’m thinking Crank and the Shaft, where Crank and Shaft can be used interchangeably to refer to either man or robot.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“Hank Sr. is a retired cartoonist so he must be LOADED. Can’t he just buy a small island to get away from Buck and watch A Minecraft Movie in peace? (I kid, this is Rex Morgan, M.D., where Boomers are most likely watching old Mexican luchador films.)” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m more concerned about the mere presence of bare feet. Is this part of standard of care for mental health now? Is Dr. Bonkus a psychia-podiatrist? I have so many questions!” –Scott Christian Simmons

“Unfortunately, the fastest lines at Costco are self-checkout, which don’t allow alcohol. So Leroy had to start over in a much longer one, because he knew he couldn’t get through the month without several giant bottles of Kirkland Signature American Vodka. I mean, look at him — he’s obviously so happy because he just got very drunk at an affordable price.” –BigTed

“Look how happy Nelly is now. This storyline started with Nelly hating everything about life, and now she has a reason to get up every morning and chat with her neighbors. What a heartwarming resolution!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“I like how that last panel implies that [blond child whose name I can’t remember] got Dustin a frozen dessert before breaking the news that he’s a moron. Just to let him down a bit easier.” –pugfuggly

“I’m glad Mary Worth is really putting in the shoe leather to show us this rumor spreading. A lesser comic strip would have four days’ worth of strips like this before deciding that we get the gist, but Mary Worth is dedicated to showing us each link in the rumor chain until every single Charterstonian knowns. Wake me up in three months when Wilbur lays flowers on Aldo’s grave and says, ‘Oh, by the way, Aldo, you’ll never guess who Mary’s been cavorting with…’” –Abram Beazer

“One thing’s for sure, the kid’s eyebrows are going to be on its hair.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘What have you heard, Alma?’ ‘The Charterstone condo board is making Professor Cameron wear a scarlet A!’” –Bob Tice

“Careful, Alma — when you tell a lie, your neck grows longer.” — Pozzo

“This is giving me mad, possibly Dutch, supervillain interrogated by French detective: ‘Ze gendarme will escort you to ze Palais de Justice Juvenile, where we have ze young m’sieur Orlov on suspicion of ze … how you say? Steroid abuse, oui. I will speak to Mr. Zhil Thor’ momentaire. Are you steel defiant, Coach?’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I don’t have time for this, Charles Bronson, I have to sing ‘Time Love and Tenderness’ at the Nobunga Casino in an hour!” –2+2=7

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