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That’s right, daddy-o: The COTW is here, and it’s sick (complimentary):

“Goddammit, Mud, this is Glenwood! If you don’t think it can support an off-brand Alamo Drafthouse, you haven’t been paying attention to all the men with muttonchops ’round these parts!” –Tabby Lavalamp

The runners up are also totally awesome:

“I wouldn’t be surprised if both of these toddlers were surprisingly athletic — it takes a lot of core strength to sit on a backless stool like that without falling over.” –BigTed

“People said I was crazy to open a store that sold nothing but gum and then just call it Gum. And, sure, it depleted my bank account and cost me my family. Well, look at me now! There’s a line of six people waiting to get into Gum. Because this is the place that weird cat did that weird thing!” –Joe Blevins

“In a world of unrelenting change, it is nice to know there are a few constants, such as newspaper comics being completely and laughably unable to make topical references on-time instead of months after the topic has begun sliding off the radar.” –ectojazzmage

“I feel as if every new Rex Morgan storyline could start with the phrase ‘What does this have to do with anything?’ and we’ll only get the answer about half the time.” –pugfuggly

“You claim this is a new recipe, but this is just a mixture of proteins, carbs, and condiments, most of which you have used in previous meals! When are we going to get something radically different, like tasting solar plasma or a pure concept?!?!” –Ettorre

“All right, forensics says he was floating three feet above the stairs at an oblique angle, stiff as a board! How’d he get that way? Is he clip art? We’ve got a lot of questions and no answers!” –Victor Von

“I think the question on many minds is, how does a story line about an old movie house become medical? I have a theory. Two words: Popcorn Lung.” –Old School Allie Cat

“A plugger has not, in fact, mastered cutting his hair.” –Vulpes

“‘How hard can it be?’ If you decide to self-neuter, then you might be a plugger.” –GarrisonSkunk

“A brand new multiplex!? In 2026!? I guess there are a few advantages to living in the remote corners of the country that have still yet to receive rural broadband. (The main disadvantage is of course all the roots country you have to hear.)” –Schroduck

“I find it difficult to believe that the Wilsons use tiny umbrellas for everyday drinks. Too much whimsy. Martha probably put it in George’s drink to symbolically emasculate him, and gave him a straw to remind him that he sucks.” –nescio

“This kid’s mom knows he exists and she still lets him play video games with Dustin?” –matt w

“Toby understands Ian cheating on her — he was essentially cucked by her parrots, and would seek emotional validation elsewhere. But her newfound public persona as ‘bird savior’ is being undercut by the rumors. She either has to confront Ian and Mary, or else get a large bird like an ostrich or emu.” –Cab

“‘Was I not on my best behavior?’ ‘It’s not that — you just sucked.’” –Pozzo

“Just die already. Between you, Pluggers, and most of the cast of Crankshaft, it’s like you’re humblebragging about your inexplicable longevity.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“3D printing is just much, much more resource demanding per unit than making moulds to mass produce your plastic action figures. I think what this strip is trying to say is there’s not enough mass market appeal to make Blondie figures commercially viable.” –Amelie W

“‘Tough day?’ ‘Yeah, the boss still won’t get the break room TV fixed. We’re stuck on same channel all the time, and it’s not a good one. It’s called the Set-up Channel, and all it does is broadcast weird holiday factoids, recipes, and inane blabber.’” –Voshkod

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