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DAMN Y’ALL IT’S THE WEEK’S TOP COMMENT

“This whole Mary Worth story has been an unashamed advertisement for the cruise travel industry, so I have to assume this absurd plot is part of it. ‘Come sail on a cruise ship, our performers are sexually aggressive and can’t get enough of our middle-aged customers!’” –AndyL

AWWW YEAH IT’S ALSO THE RUNNERS UP

“You’re a Plugger if you position your chairs so you can talk to your wife but you don’t have to look at her.” –DimensionalOtter

“Wow, I guess when you’re used to drawing unfeeling automatons, actual displays of emotion look like some kind of seizure.” –pugfuggly

“Katie shouted the word ‘gasp’ instead of actually gasping because she’s really careful about not inhaling secondhand smoke.” –Noel

“It’s not what it looks like! She was smoking, Katie! Her mouth was on fire! I had to put it out as quickly as possible.” –Here Come the Judge

“I wish I was as content with almost anything in my life as he is with that slice of pie.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“The thing that’s not getting sent in the mail is Pandora’s box with hope still inside, because it’s against local ordinances for hope to enter Westview.” –Steve S

“Aaaah, high school theater, where the backstage drama, just like the drama onstage, is hackneyed and meaningless.” –grsblvnyk

“So, Marvin’s dad performs an ‘insult bank shot’ of trashing the person he’s sitting at the table with by way of trashing the person standing behind him? Well, the poop doesn’t fall from the asshole, that’s what I always say.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Billy seems to think that the end of the school year means he can throw away his books, papers, clothes, and really anything connecting him with civilized humanity. Meanwhile, his siblings are just happy to know he’s about to trip over that untied shoelace.” –BigTed

“The sender of the unsigned birthday card didn’t even put her name on the return, and lady dog-plugger had to suss out the sender purely from the address (which, to her credit, she did). To make it more of a challenge the following year, Edna uses a bar code for a return label, handles the card and envelope with latex gloves to prevent fingerprints, and expects lady dog-plugger to discern Edna’s identity purely by scent.” –Hogen the Mogen

“You’re misreading all the Family Circus emotions. Let me help. Thel: Sad (that Billy found his way home despite the fact that she seduced the bus driver into taking him out of town and leaving him). Dolly: Excited (to tell Billy she was hiding behind the door ready to garrote him). Jeffy: thrilled (because now he gets to shiv Billy tonight after bath time instead of Dolly being the one). PJ: Angry (that he has to wear penny loafers with a onesie). Sam: Stoned.” –Briane

“You’re a plugger if you don’t write anything on a birthday card because you know the Feds can figure out who you are by matching your handwriting with your anti-government manifesto.” –Voshkod

“Not quite sure where the cigarette went in the second panel, but I think Esme just stubbed it out on Derek’s beefy chest.” –Schroduck

“I like that Dick pulls his hat down low and pulls his collar up, as if he’s hoping to slink through town unnoticed, all while hoping audibly that he’s not called upon to do his job. After nearly 90 years, this character just became relatable.” –Joe Blevins

“When Shoe tells us I’m right and you’re wrong, you’ll be eating crow! I can’t believe you would claim that newspaper editors are often called upon to settle arguments between their columnists and deliverypeople! Shoe knows that they aren’t!” –Joshua K

“You might think Dick Tracy is some kind of cool guy what with boasting about people named B.O. Plenty who he’s going to be taking for a ride down to the docks tomorrow and his beautiful coffee-swilling mistress in a state of luxurious post-coital undress and those badass suspenders, but his interior design tells another story. He seems to have chosen for the foyer the kind of red-brick pattern customarily associated with a fire station in a Richard Scarry book, and on account of his transparent incompetence at having a door or rotating bookcase installed, he’s simply placed a fern in front of the room where he (presumably) keeps all the evidence necessary to convict him of decades of corruption. ‘You can get yourself something out of the fridge if you get hungry or whatever,’ he says on his way out the door. ‘Just remember not to move my favorite fern.’ ‘I can see there’s a room behind there, Tracy,’ she purrs. ‘All I see is a fern, honey,’ he says, flashing that signature Dick Tracy smirk, and parking that signature fedora on his square, square head.” –Jack Loves Comics

“Tennessee Williams’ Barney Google and Snuffy Smith” –Applemask

“I believe a small model train runs through that gap in his hairline.” –Kevin on Earth

“Good luck calling Mark’s wife, guys. ‘What’s that? Where was Mark going? I believe he said, Into the wilderness, Spousal Unit before he put on his flesh suit and left. What?’” –Dread

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