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Whoa check it out everybody, it’s this week’s top comment!

“Jeffy may gripe about the ninth plague, but he’ll be ecstatic when the tenth arrives.” –Lt. Kije

And some funny runners up? Absolutely.

“Didn’t many species of dinosaurs have extremely short arms? It makes sense that they couldn’t possibly survive multiple asteroids landing on Earth, but it seems just as unlikely that they could win a game of basketball.” –BigTed

“How did the Parson get so much money from a dirt-poor community? Well, he’s using covid as a threat. ‘We’ll put the collection basket on this long stick,’ he told his congregation, ‘but if we don’t collect enough money, next week the stick gets shorter.’” –Ace

“Cut to: Parson Tuttle forlornly eating money.” –Joe Blevins

“Which color blazer goes best with a hot pink bowler hat and muay thai shorts? Doesn’t matter, because the bride and groom already made the most important decision for a pleasant wedding ceremony: not inviting Slylock Fox.” –jroggs

“Smash cut to 32-year-old Dennis struggling to get his drivers license out of his piggy bank to hand to the cop.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Slylock knows that a guy who eats cheese in bed is guaranteed to get stains on his white coat, possibly before the ceremony even starts.” –Bill L

“Sam Catchem throwing out an enthusiastic ‘Nice’ to look smart in front of Tracy, before admitting to himself he has no idea what Lt. Gizmo actually said, and therefore having to follow up with a sheepish ‘So, that means…’ is heartbreakingly relatable. Dick Tracy: Come for the grotesque physical violence, stay for the emotional self-flagellation!” –Doctor Moreau

“How come we just now hear about his work with kids? I’m sorry Tommy, but just hanging around a playground trying to sell weed is not a recognized charity.” –Maltmash3r

“Bird Lady’s expression speaks volumes. ‘It’s another bit,’ she moans internally. ‘Everything’s a fucking bit around here! There’s not a single unironic utterance to be heard! Goodness knows I try to be a decent person, but I must have done something pretty terrible to be condemned to live in a town of sad-sack amateur comedians.’” –Urlance Woolsbane

“It’s happened! Another victim of Mary’s notorious Slouching Sofa. Now it will be a long battle before Tommy can sit up straight again.” –Arabella

“Masterful meddle by Mary here, convincing Tommy to volunteer more as penance for a thing he didn’t do. ‘Yes, Tommy, you resisted the offer of drugs immediately and forcefully, but then again, she did still leave you, didn’t she? If only you had done more, perhaps you would have earned some small happiness.’” –BananaSam

“Well one good thing about Tommy, he won’t make the world of drug dealing seem interesting.” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

“[a month later] What do you think, you kids know how I can get Brandy to take me back?” –Dan

“BROKE: Pets have no conception of the different days of the week
WOKE: In the COVID era and the month-long election night, humans have no conception of the different days of the week” –Ettorre

“Can’t wait for tomorrow’s strip, which deals with Sourpuss’ love of fettuccine.” –Pozzo

“When Jeffy gazes into the abyss, the abyss gazes somewhere else, because the kid is freaky looking.” –Voshkod

“Dagwood cuts the tip off the cornucopia and uses it as a funnel to get all that crap in his gullet as quickly as possible.” –nescio

“You know how that guy in The Princess Bride found out about that incredibly deadly fictional poison and slowly built up his immunity until it had no effect on him? Dagwood has been doing the same thing with vibrio infections.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Man, that kid is just going to town on that bag that was full of … well, eggs and baking powder. I feel like however hungry they might be, they are going to regret it.” –pachoo

“Yes, despite his youth, Elmo’s mastery of Latin has progressed to the fourth declension. By next week, a discussion of res extensa will lead to Dagwood consuming an extremely large sub.” –Nekrotzar

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