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Judge Parker, 10/13/05

So Judge Parker has moved on from stultifying jungle adventures to stultifying domestic drama. See, “Randy,” our current blue-haired protagonist, just spent all of last week being berated by “Horace,” an amusingly freakish Wilford Brimley look-a-like:

To make an agonizingly long story short, Horace thinks Randy should be a judge, but the only thing holding him back (other than his obvious total disinterest in the idea) is that he isn’t married. Yes, in order to get the high-profile, high-pressure job he doesn’t want, Randy needs to finally tie the knot with “Mimi,” the fianceé that he doesn’t really seem inclined to marry. So you can understand why he looks like he wants to shoot himself in panel two. There’s some other details that I can’t really keep straight right now about Randy’s blonde secretary, who has what appears to be a little mustache and may be a CIA agent in training or something and no doubt really loves him. I’m sure we’ll get it all straightened out in relentless, repetitive detail over the next few months, and may even learn why Randy decided to propose some sort of sham marriage to Mimi rather than immediately reporting Horace to the EEOC.

But what I want to know about — what’s shamefully actually got me interested in Judge Parker — is this “Eon” thing. CIA-Secretary-True-Love girl mentioned it in passing too. What is Eon? Is it like EST? Is it like Scientology? Please let it be like Scientology! Please let the minister performing their Eon wedding be a thinly disguised John Travolta, or perhaps Beck! This being Judge Parker, it’s going to take forever for it to actually come out, and then it will be boring and we won’t care, but for the moment I’m clinging to my dreams.

Update: Yes, Beck is a Scientologist.