No AI could come up with ideas as “complex” (polite euphemism) as Alice
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Slylock Fox, 12/4/24
An extremely fond memory I have from my youth is seeing Fugazi playing an outdoor show in San Francisco sometime around the turn of the millennium and getting to hear Ian MacKaye earnestly plead with the crowd to not overturn the port-a-potties. “Why do punks always want to fuck up the toilets?” he asked. “Toilets are good! Toilets take shit away.” Sanitation workers are part of this same waste disposal infrastructure; they help make modern life possible, but they similarly receive endless disrespect, their reputations stained by the very purifying acts they perform on our behalf. They deserve our praise, not for children to prank them with overly elaborate mechanisms that might lead them to think some undead ghoul was attacking them while they’re just trying to do their jobs. Maybe we deserve the animals rising up to overthrow us and take over our planet, though if the expression on that cat’s face is any indication, the new civilization will be born already tainted by the sins of its predecessor.
Alice, 12/4/24
Alice! Alice, your boss, Mr. Bossman, appears to have provided exactly one computer, one table, and zero chairs for you and your coworker, so I guarantee that he is already cooking up an extremely ill-conceived plan to cut costs by replacing you with AI.
167 replies to “No AI could come up with ideas as “complex” (polite euphemism) as Alice”
Mary Worth Mashups
Slylock Fox-Panel 1: It’s a plastic skull. Panel 2: It’s a real skull.
MW-Mistakes like going completely to pieces over the loss of a goldfish?
FC-But how good are her pole skills?
Phantom: We’re going to find out Neville took the last butter scone from Kit.
That’s not how you treat human remains! Being bones, they go into compost!
I’m extremely grateful for that bottom caption in Alice that clears things up after Alice’s reply, “Just don’t tell Mr. Bossman.” For a second there, I was going to tell Mr. Bossman! Thanks, caption at the bottom!
JP: Having your characters state the obvious never makes your story any less stupid and contrived.
MW: I swear the strip is trying to display self-awareness, yet it never *quite* gets there.
RMMD: Yup, they’re all on a collision course with wackiness! Bonus points if the muggers crash their rattletrap into the ambulance at the hospital loading bay!
Luann: ‘…especially from a dullard like you. She wants out!’
MW: Unexpectedly, Wilbur doesn’t seem to be talking with his mouth full—but appears to have inserted his nose into that muffin, literally inhaling his food.
SlyF: In the first panel, this is just a harmless prank. In the second panel, the handle from the trashcan lid and the steering wheel from the truck have both been removed, so the trashman can neither defend himself nor escape.
GT: Heh heh, Goshen sure wasn’t expecting crafty Milford to use a play-action to start the game! Mostly because that’s 100% illegal, as it’s an offensive play and the game has to start on a special teams kickoff. Furthermore, a play-action is a passing play following a fake hand-off, which is not remotely represented here, but there is some random guy in a yellow sweater that has wandered onto the field and is just kind of standing there in the backfield a few feet away. No reason. Just hangin’ out. Just chillin’. The pass is then completed to the closely-defended undefended receiver wearing a strictly-prohibited helmet, and the Milford coaches start popping the champagne for the amazing accomplishment of a single first down. Coachoa may have learned football from the best, but Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill have still learned absolutely nothing.
JP: Randy could be praised for talking sense, if he hadn’t been simping hard with the same excuses for someone even worse than Ann for the past several years. Speaking of such, if Alan wants to limit the number of people who know he’s illegally harboring Ann, why is he having this reveal with Randy while April is here as well? Even worse, why is he doing this when Charlotte – a grade schooler who absolutely cannot be trusted to keep her mouth shut – is here? It’s not humanly possible to be this drunk.
Maria Valer, translated:
“You have to do my job for me indefinitely so I can I take somewhere between six and eleven weeks off to dabble on a side project and then lie around in some resort while completely ignoring my complicity for the terrible state of my own life.”
“You know, you could actually try facing the truth of your failures for once, maybe even start making corrections.”
“Ha! Nope! I refuse to even entertain the idea. I am blameless and perfect, just very unlucky. What a stupid thing to even say, Mary!”
“Seriously, Wilbur, if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you’ll just keep… oh, why do I even bother. Vaya con dios, you pigfaced asshat. I hope you fall off another boat.”
A joke so good they printed it twice
OK but who typed “AI (Artificial Intelligence)” underneath Alice? Was it King Features, since it’s in the same typeface as the legal stuff on the side? Was it Andrea Beizer, who had already blown the title spot on “Don’t tell Mr. Bossman”? Was it… the artificial intelligence itself? (Hint: no.)
RMMD:
“Dispatch…we’ve got a pickup at 34th and Vine of a patient for transport to the ER. Patient complaint — IBS.”
“Irritable Bowel Syndrome?”
“No, no. ‘I‘ve Been Stabbed’ !”
MW: Wilbur wants to “forget about past mistakes” in order to clear the deck for a butt-load of new ones.
RMMD: We’re careening toward a dramatic ER confrontation. Oh, and the dog is behind on his rabies shot, so…
GT: Even the potential of the eating of shoes can’t liven up a minute-by-minute dragging out of a football game.
RMMD:
“Take my wife — please.”
“Okay, Mr. Youngman.”
SF:
Okay, so clearly the garbageman in the left hand panel is unionized, and the guy in the right hand panel isn’t. But I can’t figure out the other five.
SFx – Ooo – what could be creepier? Next time maybe a faux severed human head or fetus….
Alice – Complex – simplex – what’s the difference – what’s the difference indeed….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Wrecks Moregone:
Bitten Robber goes to Wrecks, delusionally imagining that he’s competent and will fix him up. Stabbed Guy Whose Name I Can’t Remember is taken by ambulance to Wrecks as well. The two of them are put into adjacent beds and become friends from their shared suffering [by that I mean Wrecks’ “treatment”]. They then go on the road as a singing duo whose greatest hits are “Bloody Knife” and “Stabbing On The Swoon”. Hilarity does not ensue.
Slylock Fox: Today’s Six Differences is a horror story about an unfortunate toothless garbage man who steals teeth from the detritus of society (stray cats, human skulls) to fashion a nightmarish set of dentures. I love it – sincerely, this is the kind of thing Stephen King wrote at his cocaine-addled peak.
Wary Morth:
Please let this end with Weelbur getting captured and barbecued by a Mexican drug cartel.
Slylock: Serrated teeth on a shark keep live prey from escaping. What are they putting in that garbage truck that it also needs serrated teeth?
SFx: Ah, December: the perfect time for spooky japes with skulls and skeletons! I’m really looking forward to their holiday-themed strips coming out next May.
Alice: I like how Alice’s friend(?) is saying ‘See this’ but doesn’t seem to be pointing to anything in particular. Unless the complex idea she’s referring to is the table? Given the empty low-res world this strip exists in, maybe the idea of a solid surface held up by cylinders is a genuinely radical concept.
@Baja Gaijin:
Imagining Weelbur beating the bishop makes me physically nauseated. Thaaaaaaaanks.
@Hibbleton: zombies?
FC: Billy’s checking to see if the high beams are on.
Mr Bossman is the perfect nemesis of modern women, since he incarnates the authoritarian and hierarchical power of both capitalism and patriarchy. Believe me, it makes sense if you know Jungian archetypes! Or if you smoke the good stuff
SFx: Is today’s scenario really all that malicious? I mean, just how are you supposed to throw out your old Halloween decorations?
@matt w: Was it… the artificial intelligence itself? (Hint: no.)
There’s a running discussion/joke in the stats world about the appropriateness of terms like ‘artificial intelligence’, ‘deep learning’ etc, especially when it seems to be just rebranding long-established methods to make them sound sexier. In much the same way, I wouldn’t doubt that Alice is artificially generated, but I would hesitate to call it ‘intelligent’.
MW: Mary doesn’t sound like she’ll miss Wilbur being away. “One month, two months, I’d say six months minimum.”
@matt w: They wanted readers to be sure they weren’t talking about Air India, American Idol or Alice’s Insanity.
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids: Able to work in pajamas and comfy athletic socks while being scared witless by the spring-laden undead? It’s a union bargaining position, but not for everyone.
Alice: It would be easy, and probably fair, to assume Alice captions are summaries of the joke. Sadly, no! They’re writing prompts from which the artist then builds the single panel. Either that, or they’re exclamations that come out just after the artist rips a huge line of coke, it’s hard to tell.
MW: Wilbur himself calls out Mary’s bullshit on him learning from his mistakes. She then admits he needs some “Mexican” therapy, I. E. una patada en el trasero (a kick in the ass).
Ha ha! AI can’t come up with complex ideas, that’s ridiculous! Ideas are the domain of upper management, the idea men! No, no, no. AI is here to replace the mewling “creatives” who expect to be paid for their hobbies! Writers and artists who are forever demanding to lower shareholder value so they can ungratefully line their own pockets from the hard thought work of the idea men!
Judge Parker: That’s some lovingly-drawn furnace ductwork there.
Mary Worth: Mexican therapy, eh? Montezuma’s Revenge, I hope.
SFx: Where’s He-Man when you need hm?
@Ukranazi Stepan: Please let this end with Weelbur getting captured and barbecued by a Mexican drug cartel.
He’d survive.
I haven’t read Alice before, I like the whole general vibe of her skull. It’s like when a comic book character has fire instead of hair, then an action figure designer has to figure out how the hell you do that, and the result is, like… mostly a head? You can call that a head, sure. You can tell the colorist is doing their best.
MW – Small-town newspapers barely exist anymore. Local columnists for small-town newspapers barely exist anymore. Sending local newspaper columnists on constant, globe-trotting work trips is a thing that never existed even in the heyday of small town newspapers. Local columnists for small-town newspapers making enough money to live in posh, luxury condos and to jaunt off on regular, ridiculously long exotic vacations is also a thing that never existed in the first place. And don’t even get me started on the likelihood of a columnist’s editor allowing him to regularly pawn off the writing of his columns on some rando old lady.
That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. I am reporting Karen Moy to college management as her degree needs to be rescinded unless and until she can pass a class in How Things Actually Work 101.
Rant over. I’m just so done with this endless, repetitive, insanely unrealistic shitshow of a strip.
Alice could have made a fortune in Artificial Stupidity if Twitter hadn’t locked it up back in 2006.
Slylock Fox – As a stray cat, the anarchy of the non-Dennis and actually menacing child delights that feral feline. To that cat, the sanitation worker is an enemy takes away a source of easy food. That cat will love the uprising, because his sentience allows him a life of more thrown out leftovers to eat!
The indoor cats of the world, while gaining the ability to supply their own canned pate, nonetheless suffer because there are no humans to scoop their poop. Like Taliban fighters after ousting the US occupying forces, they will learn that after the revolution someone has to do the boring work of administering the new society.
Alice – AI struggles to make generate images of hands, but even more than that, it struggles to understand the punchlines in Alice, or how the characters could survive with such huge heads.
@astroboy: all true
MW: Thus avoiding the annual holiday humiliation of no holiday cards or party invitations, no one to spend Christmas eve or Christmas with except for the stray cat that you are sharing a strip mall motel room with in Cancun.
@astroboy: I follow some old comic strip groups on Facebook. I often think about what interesting little vignettes of life in the early-to-middle 20th Century they provide.
Then I think — suppose they are as true to life about their time period as Mary Worth and Luann are about ours?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Juan doesn’t lower his head, or keep his grip firm, or shift his weight properly!”
“So you’re mad because he plays golf all wrong?”
“No…”
“I’m mad because his hat is nicer than mine!”
ALICE: Wait, has this strip moved out of the NASCAR-only realm? No cars! No mention of cars! I don’t even see any little vehicles in the pattern on Alice’s dress. And no previous comments have mentioned the absence of NASCAR, so I’m guessing it’s old news. *thumps cane* Dagnabbit, nobody tells me anything.
You could say that that kid is trouble, since he is involved in… skullduggery [Booh from the audience] Your hatred makes me stronger!
@38 astroboy: on Mary Worth: Wilbur has what they call “passive income.” For many people, those are stock and bonds or rental properties. Wilbur Weston’s passive income is “reverse alimony.” Women pay him to stay out of their lives. Many many women.
I don’t get why the Alice’s artist put that tiny note “AI (Artificial Intelligence)” at the very bottom of the strip. People who are old enough not to know what AI is are also too old to read such tiny font!
If someone was going to ask if I would rather have the Slylock Animalpocalypse enslaving us or Terminators?
I think I would have to say the former, as animals are at least adorable, but also I think with the rate A.I is going, Skynet is probably inevitable. But then again maybe we can create an A.I so advanced that it can literally reverse climate change (before enslaving all of us)
@Anonymous: And I already feel sorry for that cat. I’m sure Wilbur will make the poor animal listen to garrulous self-pity and won’t be so great at providing water, litter, food, etc.
In the first panel, the poor sanitation worker is horrified by the existential reminder of death coming for us all. In the second panel, he has realized that he is not alive at all and will only exist until the reader’s eyes move on to Garfield.
@Baja Gaijin: Bwahaha!
There could even be a touching story about one unfortunate woman who can’t afford to pony up, so Wilbur tries to stage a romantic comeback with her. Word gets out and other former-Wilbur-women collectively donate thousands to protect her from the Wilburness.
@Rube:
All I need is some plausibility. The 1940s-era Mary Worth strips, for example were master classes in tight, concise storytelling, with well-thought-out beginnings, middles and conclusions and stories that MOVED on a daily basis. While it might be unlikely, say, for an aging Hollywood actress to pass herself off as much younger, and as part of the ruse to pass off her daughter as her younger sister, keep the daughter in virtual seclusion so as not to reveal the secret, and then have the younger sister steal away her boyfriend while she’s off filming a movie…it’s not likely but it’s at least *plausible* and made for an entertaining story with a very satisfying and unexpected Big Reveal.
This hideous monstrosity passing itself off as Mary Worth today is just plain bad on all counts. We are all dumber for having read it, and I award it no points.
“AI can come up with complex ideas in seconds”
“That’s great!”
“No, I just said that they are ‘complex’, not ‘great'”
It would have taken barely any effort to have had Wilbur leave the newspaper years ago and start up a website or podcast or youtube channel and have THAT take off and become a big success and make him a lot of dough to fund his lifestyle.
A measley handful of strips could have established it. That’s plausibility.
@Poteet: Instead of the Danegeld, the Wilburgeld
Mr Bossman is the cousin of Ms Girlboss, but they are estranged
Alice: Is the fine print indicating this strip was created by AI? Because I believe artificial intelligence has very limited value in creative endeavors, but I totally believe it could churn out lame comic strips about artificial intelligence.
@Poteet: You’re thinking about Gearhead Gertie, the ugly comic strip about NASCAR. This is Alice, the ugly comic strip about God knows what.
I just want to say, I love the artwork in Slylock Fox today.
MW: Wilbur is under the impression he’s in France, and lives his life accordingly.
JP: “Hey, Pop…what’s this large mysterious machine we’re sihouetted behind?”
”A little side project I’ve been working on. A Perpetual Motion Machine.”
”No kidding!”
”It’s the FURNACE, you goop. You really haven’t been in a basement before, have you?”
Josh, I’m so jealous you got to see Fugazi. I almost got to see them on what would end up being their last tour, but got stuck at work. But yeah, always cool to know other people (especially when you’ve been reading their blog for decades!) into both punk/hardcore and newspaper comics. There are literally dozens of us!
C’shaft: “I know who you are, Mr. Dinkle. I said ‘sorry’ because you’re banned from every school district in Ohio. We have your picture posted in the office to warn people about you, like for people who try to pass a bad checks at the convenience store.”
Dustin: On reflection, Dustsis’ mean-spirited behavior is likely a reflection of that modeled by her own father. One day he’s going to demand how she got so disrespectful to him, and she’ll tearfully declare, “From you, all right? I learned it by watching you!”
GT: So, Gil’s assistants are going to do all the work while heaping praise on him, a strategy known as the “Hail Mary Worth” play.
JP: “Son, we’re wealthy and white, and this is America. The only time we’ll ever see the inside of a prison is when they show concept designs at the CoreCivic annual shareholders’ meeting.”
Luann: “However, there are many people who have been waiting years for a transplant, if you still–”
“What? Oh, no, I was only interested if it would benefit someone in my very limited social circle.”
MT: Mark’s going to Florida at the same time as Wilbur Weston? I smell crossover!
MW: “Yeah, self reflection, whatever…did you know all-inclusive resorts have unlimited bar service?”
Phantom: Where HAVE you been, O Ghost? Owning up to one’s criminal past on television is a key part of being a celebrity! Neville’s angling to join Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg in the stands at the 2026 Olympics!
Pluggers are better at knowing the names of Stooges than knowing the names of their grandkids.
RMMD: Dude, I cut my thumb while slicing apples on a mandoline last week, and I saw more blood than this strip has shown with two severe injuries.
SH: Damn focus groups. First the ending to Little Shop of Horrors, now this.
The Jesuits have stopped being subtle about reminding you of your mortality through paintings! Now they are going to smash that memento mori right on your face!
@Banana Jr. 6000: If you’ll recall the great drunken cruise ship caper, the fishes refused to sleep with Wilbur – even a blowfish has standards….
MW: “A month or two in Cancun?! Goodness, Wilbur, how can you afford that?”
“Easy. I found Ed’s credit card number while I was snooping around at the wedding.”
@1 Baja Gaijin:
I like number 1. I don’t think Mary would do number 2 (See what I did there?) with Wilbur sitting on her couch.
@The Quiet Man:
“YOU LIE!” —Rex Morgan M.D.
MARY WORTH: Wilbur: “Yeah, I’m going to visit the spot where some asshole washed ashore after drunkenly falling overboard! I’ve heard it’s become a real tourist hotspot!”
Slylock Fox: Ah, the classic “feed the garbage man to a soul-sucking bone demon” prank. Never gets old.
@Banana Jr. 6000: I’m starting to not only believe that Wilbur is immortal, but that he may be some sort of God within the Worthy-verse.
In the Islamic city of Cairo, the Christian minority handles the garbage. (It’s easier to have high standards of cleanliness when there’s someone else to do the literal dirty work!)
RMMD: what are the odds stupid mugger and stabbed guy wind up in the same emergency room?
love is… to hell with a piano bench, we’re fucking on a log!
This inspired Mud Mountain’s newest song.
@TheDiva:
I hate to “Well, actually….” this otherwise accurate statement, but
Herman MunsterJudge Parker Sr. HAS literally been in prison, as well as quite a few members of the esteemed Spencer-Parker-Driver axis. (If it makes you feel better, these people HAVE exploited their vast connections and Ces Marciuliano’s short attention span to secure abridged sentences and early releases, so that’s something!)The Family Circus Spanish to English,
@astroboy:
Wait, are we supposed to picture Wilbur as George Peppard and Mary as Patricia Neal in the most three-day-bender take on Breakfast at Tiffany’s in history?
@Hibbleton:
#32. MW:. Wasn’t Wilbur’s former, effective!, Mexican therapy named something like Esmeralda?
CS: “Oh, so *you’re* the world’s greatest band director! Yes, we’ve heard about you. Thing is, Dunkle, we have an orchestra, not a . . . [sneers] band. So you can just high-step it on outta here.”
GT: “And Barnes is wide open! You know, except for that defender draped all over him.”
PIBGORN – Only five days until the four-month anniversary of the last Pibgorn update! The baby she birthed just before Brooke quit updating must have frozen on the thin ice and been devoured by wolves already. I doubt she remembers any of it, however, after all this time.
LUANN – I doubt that donating a healthy kidney to a 96-year-old woman is a good idea, or acceptable from a medical ethics perspective.
MW: So are we going to get Wilbur moping around Mexico? Or Dawn moping around Charterstone while her dad is gone? In the end, no one is going to learn anything and the other fish will probably die. I hate this strip.
@Rube: Thank you!
Arrrrgh, what lies ahead? Will I complain that Rex Morgan no longer eats lots of giant sandwiches and never gains weight? Will I gripe that Neddy Spencer no longer drops by to visit her helpful-advice-providing-friend Mary and eat Mary’s muffins? Will I comment that Boog is cute or that Luann is a remarkably-appealing young woman? Yikes, this really is scary. *starts search for chocolate*
LUANN: As per usual, the funniest thing about Luann is not the tepid jokes, but the out-of-touch Trufans, including one who suggested the most hilarious inappropriate “meet-cute” around:
Hey, maybe they’ll hit it off at Mrs Horner’s funeral Mary-Worth style!
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Phantom: What? Criminals can reform? Never seen that before. I’ve always believed that once a criminal always a criminal. That’s why I brand them for life.
Alice For the life of me, “Don’t Tell Mr. Bossman” sounds like prospective title of a scuttled prog rock album from the late 70s.
@seismic-2: We recently had a situation in Wisconsin where the sheriff’s department was called out into the woods by 2 hunters reporting they found partially buried human remains.
It was a plastic Halloween decoration.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: You are being very kind, actually. It’s a batcrap-crazy idea to even mention, especially since a 96-year-old being on dialysis is already iffy, not to mention said 96-year-old chowing down on Thanksgiving dinner as if failing-kidney patients can eat whatever they want.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant on this topic yet again. But it’s like the Evansii keep upping the ante. But wait, I just remembered, Mrs. Horner is actually only 94! What a relief, it all makes total sense now.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Calling it now: The wife was the brains of the whole operation all along in her diabolical scheme to have Tv time to herself once in a while (“I just want to catch up on my stories? Is that so wrong?)!”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): And God damn, Glenwood is more hardened, more cynical, more gangsta than early-90’s Compton if a guy getting stabbed in the middle of the day fails to draw a crowd, like at all!
@Professor Well Actually: RMMD: what are the odds stupid mugger and stabbed guy wind up in the same emergency room?
______________________________________
High.
MW: Are we getting rid of Wilbur for two months or are we getting a two months in Cancun Wilbur storyline.
I’m terrified that I think I know the answer to that…
@astroboy: I am reporting Karen Moy to college management
__________________________________________________________________________
You’d better report her to Newspaper Management.
@Where’s Rocky?: For the life of me, “Don’t Tell Mr. Bossman” sounds like prospective title of a scuttled prog rock album from the late 70s.
Yeah, I’m definitely getting Kilroy Was Here vibes from that title.
@LTJpezcore1: MW: Are we getting rid of Wilbur for two months or are we getting a two months in Cancun Wilbur storyline.
_______________________________________________________
Are you kidding? You know how this works. When depressing Wilbur leaves, we get a story about depressing Dawn.
I am completely here for two months of Wilbur drinking pina coladas all day in a Speedo and trying to make time with the pool barmaids. Anything is better than Charterstone.
@TheDiva: LUANN: “However, there are many people who have been waiting years for a transplant, if you still–”
“What? Oh, no, I was only interested if it would benefit someone in my very limited social circle.”
Oh, I’m posting this comment verbatim on GoComics to watch the Trufans flip out.
MW: Wilbur will jump into a cenote and finally disappear forever. Aggressive squid are drawn to the scent of mayonnaise.
Pluggers: Just like the original members of “The Three Stooges” Pluggers know they can be easily replaced when they can no longer perform.
Hi and Lois: Trixie is worried that because she never ages and has been a baby for over 60 years that she might actually outlive the sun itself.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis wants to join the occult and grow some gold fangs.
Dustin: Maybe it’s time to teach Dustin how to collect aluminum cans and panhandle on the side of busy intersections. He’d probably find a way to screw that up also.
Family Circus: Ballet dancers don’t really care what you think Billy, they have talent and skill they’ve worked their whole lives to perfect. You on the other hand just sit on the floor watching your flatscreen TV that is also on the floor for some incomprehensible reason.
Curtis: This is a cry for psychological help. He needs a mental health professional before he inevitably becomes a serial killer.
Alice: Mr Bossman is actually an artist Alice and her friend know, who just happens to have the surname “Bossman”. They don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him a machine can do his job! He’s still upset from when they suggested he could draw Alice!
Crank: The fact Batty clearly believes Dinkle’s narcissistic megalomania is endearing is almost as baffling as Moy’s belief that Wilbur’s everything is endearing.
FG: “Before Ming, a previous emperor recruited the Lion Men to be his rocket-pack troops. The Shark Men tried to convince us to abandon this role, but we said that when you’re a Jet Man, you’re a Jet Man all the way. Then a Shark named Mermia met a Jet named Tawny…”
JP: “She’s not a criminal, she’s family!” is the strip’s freaking motto, isn’t it? Remember, laws only apply to the bad people, and the Parker-Driver-Spencers get to decide who that is!
MW: “
MargeMary, my friend, I haven’t learned a thing!”Zits: Huh, I thought this was just weird “the artificial ingredients in Doritos are probably radioactive” nonsense, but I’ve actually learned something!
Alice:”Mr Bossman, boss me a dream, use AI and make it the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen….”
This dedication goes out to Figment the koala!
@Horace Broon: Alice: Mr Bossman is actually an artist Alice and her friend know, who just happens to have the surname “Bossman”
___________________
Pablo Bossman?
GoComics has 9 Wonderfully Wintery Comics.
Fifty years ago newspapers reported that the president was in trade talks with Canada and that aliens were flowing over the border. Meanwhile a girl threw a touchdown in a varsity football game in Steve Canyon.
@UncleJeffers: Curtis needs a mental health professional before he inevitably becomes a serial killer.
At least Barry would finally get what he’s got coming.
Fun fact: Fugazi band members are huge Mark Trail fans. Every album they made somewhere has Dodd/Elrod printed or sometimes etched in the runout.
@Guillermo el chiclero, Phantom: Even though Dick Tracy had his rotating Rogue’s Gallery, even the Mole reformed (and helped Tracy in one case).
Stripey Butt, on the other hand, went after that kid who copied that floppy back in 1990. Piracy takes many forms.
Tryna remember where I heard “Bossman” before and it’s “Rude Can’t Fail” by The Clash. Which makes sense! Alice has absolutely been drinking brew for breakfast.
@Horace Broon: Dinkle was endearing in Funky Winkerbean Act I (1972-1991) because he was an over-the-top caricature, in a world that was full of those. He also smartly satirized a certain type of high school teacher, especially the kind that becomes a director of something. He was basically the first Pointy-Haired Boss.
But he should have been phased out of the strip when the main cast left high school, because he has no power outside the high school walls. Watching him repeat his badly outdated shtick, in the 2020s where he’d be instantly fired, sued, or arrested, is just painful. (SEE ALSO: Crankshaft, Ed.)
@Professor Well Actually: Please, please, please, please….
@Banana Jr. 6000: Went to look at Crankshaft to see what yinz were talking about and my browser took me to the last Crankshaft I read which was this one. Dinkle’s megalomania seems to be a theme!
@matt w: Tryna remember where I heard “Bossman” before and it’s “Rude Can’t Fail” by The Clash. Which makes sense! Alice has absolutely been drinking brew for breakfast.
Elvis had a single “Big Boss Man,” in the 60s which later featured prominently in his 68 Comeback Special.
@Little Guy: After Mole tried to kill Tracy in 1940, Tracy brought him a wrapped Christmas present (in lockup) of candy, chewing gum, and cigarettes. It was the first gift Mole had received in years. Brought a tear to my eye, it did.
Zits: Ripley’s Believe It or Not —upon which I depend for all of my Science News — reported on the Doritos phenomenon last month. I made a wisecrack here at the time about eating a whole bunch of corn chips and turning invisible.
@Where’s Rocky?: True–a Jimmy Reed song I think–but the voice in my head was pronouncing it a lot more like the way The Clash pronounces it. Which is not really something I could expect you to know, since you can’t hear the voice in my head. (Alice can, though. Alice hears allllll the voices.)
Anyway, looking at old Crankshaft I found this and come on. The last cassette Walkman was sold in the US in 2004 (gosh, that recent?) and I can buy Ed somehow keeping one alive since then. 78s haven’t been a popular medium for recorded music for over seventy years. If you know someone who has a 78-rpm enabled turntable hooked up to a cassette deck and you have them tape the 78s for you, then you. are. a. HIPSTER.
@Where’s Rocky?: The Grateful Dead covered that on their 1971 live double album Skullfuck (Warner Bros made them release it as Grateful Dead, but it’s generally known to fans as “the Skeleton and Roses album” and is particularly popular for cleaning your weed on). Pig Pen did the vocals.
After the Pig died, Bobby took over the singing in live shows and it became known as one of “Weir’s Cowboy Songs,” along with “Me and My Uncle,” “Mexicali Blues,” “Mama Tried,” “Greatest Story Ever Told,” etc.
”Big Boss Man” was written by Luther Dixon and Al Smith, and was originally recorded by blues dude Jimmy Reed.
Alice is infuriating. There’s no joke! There’s barely any art! Why is Alice’s line repeated in the banner at the bottom? Just bad, lazy work all the way around and I’m serious about this.
@Rube: I’ve only ever seen OUT OUR WAY in old collections that have OOW panels from about 1925 to 1950. But I have faith that OOW was truer to its time than MW or LUANN. And the OOW panels that I saw, I loved.
Don’t Flash Gordon: “Why do the Lions hate the Sharks so much?” ” Well,its a matter of pride,you see, a long time ago…” “…in a galaxy far away?” “Don’t interrupt!……A long time ago…the best Shark dancer challenged the best Lion dancer to a choreographed rumble….the night before everyone met to discuss the ground rules for the challenge. The catnip flowed like wine..yadda yadda yadda….the next day our champian tripped over her own tail. So…to make a long story short….” “Too late!” “You’re interrupting again! ….to make a long story short..what’s not to hate about Sharks?”
RMMD: “Ma’am! Ma’am! You gotta come quick! Your husband’s been stabbed!!”
“Stabbed?!? What? How? Where?”
“In the gut, down the street – EMS and cops are on the way! I don’t know what happened. I just heard a dog barking outsi—”
“IS BUSTER OKAY? I swear, if Merle let him get hurt…”
@Smokey Stover: Was it Poteet?
MW-In Florida Wilbur will discover Duke’s mayonnaise and never come home.
@Peanut Gallery: “I’m mad because his hat is nicer than mine!”
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“You see,Sherman, you must walk a mile in the man’s shoes….Or, in other words…” “Don’t say it,.Peabody!” “…..it takes Juan to know Juan!”” Eat chocolate and die, Peabody!”
@Poteet: Out Our Way is one of the best “old” strips around. A lot of it was based on his own experiences.
RMMD: The police and paramedics arrive at the same time. One of the cops yells out, “We’ve got video surveillance of the skeezy dirtbag who did this! Quick, rush this dog to the hospital immediately!”
FC: Yeah, kids sitting around watching ballet. What, “Meet The Press” is over?
GT: The face of everybody in this strip looks like it was put together by a drunk playing with Mr. Potato Head.
@121 Dr. Pill:
I kind of remember that story. It wasn’t Poteet. It was a tall girl attending Maumee University (a real university) who was a girlfriend to the quarterback of the football team. He discovered she had a talent for kicking and she became a kicker for the team. In secret the quarterback taught her how to throw a football. It was late in a critical game where Maumee needed a touchdown to win. Maumee got in a 4th down situation where they decided to kick instead of going for a 1st down. The girl kicker came in but instead of kicking she threw a long pass down the field to her boyfriend who caught it for a touchdown.
I don’t remember the name of the girl or quarterback but he was somehow a friend of Steve.
Actor Tony Todd died last month, Curtis wants to be the next “Candyman”
@Sequitur: Were their names Stef and Kip?
@128 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
Oh, why not.
And we’ll have Tiffany play the part of Poteet.
FG: Dovana has hated the Shark Men ever since one of them bit off her arm while she was surfing.
@Anonymous: Talk about your childhood wishes!
@Liam: I think it would be best if Wilbur goes to Hell mans….
@Garrison Skunk: A figment of my artificial intelligence….
@Rube: Gearhead Gertie could easily be redone as an Alice strip. There’d be a weird-looking cartoon of a car with googly eyes for headlights (both on the same side of the car) and a woman saying “I have an unhealthy obsession with NASCAR.” And underneath that, a helpful caption that says “AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH NASCAR.”
@Garrison Skunk: Even Mr. Peabody wouldn’t dare to mention Juan’s identical twin Amal.
@Peanut Gallery: That is genius. I mean that sincerely.
Baja! A fish swam by and spit this out. It’s addressed to you.
Mary almost says something funny in the last panel.
@matt w: OK but who typed “AI (Artificial Intelligence)” underneath Alice?
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Kilgore Trout. He also put the bop in the bop sha bop bop ,the rang in the rang a dang a ding dong, and the Bowzer in the sha na na, he was the man if you wanna shake his hand.
@Sequitur: Baja! A fish swam by and spit this out. It’s addressed to you.____________________________
Fan mail from some flounder?
@Bob Tice: Your latest STAB at humor is as unfunny as ever. Least you’re consistent.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Mexicans don eet sheet, gringo!
@Ukulele Ike: I made a wisecrack here at the time about eating a whole bunch of corn chips and turning invisible.
Don’t do it, Ike! It didn’t work out well for Claude Rains!
@damnedpraise: A true punk would have walked off the job. Poser.Bet you’d have called in sick if it was Pearl Jam!
@Garrison Skunk: Fan mail from some flounder?
Got the reference! That voice…where have I heard that voice?
@Peanut Gallery: Heh, run it every Thursday, and you basically have Gearhead Gertie.
@Inspector Gotcha: To change the channel would require more intelligence than a melon head can muster.
Alice: You misunderstand, Josh. Mr. Bossman is just a guy Alice knows. He’s trying to have a relaxing day, and he doesn’t need complex ideas from AI or anyone else.
@137 Sequitur: Almost? Mary practically told Wilbur, right to his face, he’s such a terrible father she has to help raise his daughter. Hilarious.
@144 White Rabbit: I didn’t get the reference…until I searched the Internet.
@White Rabbit: The Doritos I took seemed to light up my brain. Suddenly I realized the power I held, the power to rule, to make the world GROVEL AT MY FEET.
You will be my partner, White Rabbit. And if you try and escape by the window, I shall follow you, and no one in the world can save you.
I found the ultimate Plugger bathrobe. Too bad they don’t come in pup tent, car cover, and/or yurt sizes.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Luckily, the Shark Man swallowed a pocket watch, and Dovana can be warned off by the approaching “tick tock.” She also keeps a sexy fairy girl trapped in a lantern. Because of pixie dust and because why not.
Blondie: Gingerbread. Cinnamon. Cranberry. These are all good holiday flavors. If Maya is just going to plaster peppermint on everything Blondie has made a huge mistake.
C-Shaft: As soon as Harry Dinkle gets to speak to whoever’s in charge you just know his first words will be, “Obviously the secretary has to go.”
DT: It was “Yes I’m Dick Tracy and I Feel Fine” on the first demo but REM decided to rewrite the lyrics.
Dustin: Megan knows that she’s the favorite child, and also that this could better be expressed as “second least favorite.”
JP: Now that Randy has raised the possibility of the Parkers getting their own prison wing it’s all that Alan can think about. If he can keep the poors out and have his own bartender this whole thing might just be worthwhile.
Luann: “She told me she had a strict ‘no dingbat’ rule for organ donations.”
MW: Cancun? That increases the odds of a reencounter with Fabiana. I mean, I know that Mexico and Colombia are too very different countries in real life, but in the world of this strip maybe not.
Phantom: Humblebragging about your old sins goes back at least as far as St. Augustine. Why would it never involve TV cameras?
RMMD: Will Rex wind up treating the Mike Judge character? Will this result in some kind of ethical dilemma for him involving patient confidentiality? Just how boring will the resolution be? Stay tuned!
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@152 Artist formerly known as Ben: on Dick Tracy: Wow. Archie Bunker’s house looks far more upscale once Mr. Bunker moved out.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: re: Blondie: Take a gander at Maya’s chest. Blondie made no mistake. Why do you think she’s the most successful caterer in town?
@Liam: Slylock Fox-Panel 1: It’s a plastic skull. Panel 2: It’s a real skull.
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In Panel 3: It’s plastic garbage and rubber banana skins.
@154 Ukulele Ike:
Between Blondie, Tootsie and Maya, we have the Himalayas.
@Ukulele Ike: Eh, looking at the three of them there must be something in the water around those parts. She could afford to wait and be selective.
@Sequitur: @Artist formerly known as Ben: I’ve been a butt/leg man since my pubescence, but the Blondie girls do make me question my values. Still, I wouldn’t mind if the catering uniform changed from black slacks to short shorts.
@Sequitur: Gran Tetons, s’il vous plaît….
@157 Artist formerly known as Ben: Blondie must take place in Hooterville.
@160 Baja Gaijin:
I think you should pronounce it like Eva Gabor. Hootersville.
@161 Sequitur: Blondie’s catering shop is definitely Hootersville.
Considering Josh’s odd affinity for the large-headed women of Alice and Gearhead Gertie, I’m surprised he doesn’t post anything about the comic strip Momma. It ended in 2016, but his beloved Crock ended in 2012, so that shouldn’t matter.
Alice frightens and confuses me.
@164 Anonymous:
As well you should be. Andrea Beizer, author and cartoonist of this strip, is an architect. Any architect who draws that badly shouldn’t be trusted. She is also a college professor.
@Baja Gaijin: #150. Baja, your lived experiences in Japan are an endless source of edification as well as entertainment on this blog. Youth travel pays.
@Flipper: Up till 2016, and in all that time Francis kept the bellbottom flame burning.