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Getting off to a slightly slow start today but here, my friends, is your comment of the week!

“I’m confused that the words on the cards are not only secular but seem to also have nothing to do with anything happening in December. ‘Hi’? ‘Greetings’? What else is in the box — ‘How’s It Going’? ‘What Up’? ‘Do You Have The Time’?” –jenna

And your extremely funny runners up!

“Mint is an aggressive plant that will take over your yard if you’re not careful. Maybe that was Mark and Cherry’s plan all along? The writing business is in worse shape than ever, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re being sponsored by Big Julep.” –BigTed

“The Newnited States government, in attempts to educate their most illiterate communities, have been injecting PBS style lessons into local news and radio broadcasts in far flung areas like Hootin’ Holler. While this same programming managed to boost science and math scores in many struggling urban schools, it’s never really taken root in the proud region of Hootin’ Holler, where throbbing pain in joints from old injuries are held up as most accurate predictors of changes in the weather.” –Philip

“Big Daddy Keane is not happy about being outed as these kids’ father. There was at least some plausible deniability before — he could have been their uncle, or handler of some kind.” –pugfuggly

“I feel like we’re sleeping on the background characters here. There’s the store detective, who’s been alerted that there’s a cartoonist in the building, and the social worker from Child Protective Services, who’s picked up a sweater for her husband while she’s here, but who is monitoring the little melonhead very, very carefully nonetheless. A tense game of cat-and-mouse begins!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Jared, having decided that his vast repository of mansplainable material is wasted on just one woman, is assembling a harem.” –MKay

“Presumably Dawn is going on about a dumb phone call from Jared because, while Cathy’s family takes her skiing at Christmas, Dawn’s dad ditches her and goes to Cancun by himself. Sad on so many levels.” –Twinkles the Elf

“How did you reply? I need to know because I’m desperately trying to learn the patterns of contemporary human speech, but my generative programming has only been able to use 18th century novels as a training set.” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s one thing to kill an animal on camera, but making the corpse participate in some memeable dance is taking it to another level.” –taig

“Or, ‘I assume this was made by Elon Musk — at The Boring Company.’” –Anonymous

“Not sure when Trixie started anthropomorphizing the sun as an elderly person, but it’s probably better than if she assumed it was a weakening god that needed to be fed the sacrificial blood of thousands of slaves to regain its strength.” –jroggs

“Sorry, Margaret. That’s not Santa. That’s Sam the Snowman from the 1964 beloved TV classic Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer … which is, you know … fine if you want a Burl Ives anthology record and some cigars for Christmas … which actually might be something an eighty year-old child might want as opposed to dolls or whatever Santa would bring, so nevermind … you text that letter to Sam, girl.” –Old Man Shadow

“Looking at Gertie’s expression, I think it may actually be good that her fixation is on NASCAR. She could have become a costly hypochondriac or an animal hoarder or someone who files lawsuits against all her neighbors.” –Poteet

“A squirt of Heinz on your Toll House cookie is the latest thing in elite culinary circles. Stir a spoonful of Dijon mustard into your coffee for an extra kick.” –Ukulele Ike

“Lack of aphrodisiacs in her diet or diminished libido due to oxidative stress caused by that factory in the background? You know, environmental exposure to di-2-ethylhexyl phthalate is associated with low interest in sexual activity in certain women, leading to … um, I’m sorry, I was just reading today’s Arctic Circle and assumed climate disaster was the daily punchline with this strip as well.” –Her Father, John Darling

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