Sad Saturday quickies
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Herb and Jamaal, 4/19/25
I wonder if Jamaal knows that Rev. Croom, who to all appearances is just over there quietly enjoying his coffee, is actually musing on the fact that those who fail to call on God will eventually be present with Him, presumably at the final judgement when their beliefs and faith will be found wanting. He’s looking right at Jamaal while he’s contemplating this, so maybe he’s thinking about Jamaal in particular! “There’s a guy who’s going to be cast down into the lake of fire,” he thinks, smiling, before taking another sip.
Shoe, 4/19/25
I feel like there was an first draft of this strip that ran afoul of the editors, or maybe a version that would’ve run in the ’80s or ’90s, in which the dialogue would’ve been exactly the same but the setting was shifted to the local fern bar and the Perfesser was being silently handled a cocktail. Would that be more or less depressing than this one? Discuss.
72 replies to “Sad Saturday quickies”
H&J — Looks like the Reverend and the Perfesser are both enjoying their “Reinforcing your priors” specials. Two more self-satisfied customers. . . .
H&J:
“Okay, Rev, this is an old one, but what does an agnostic insomniac dyslexic do?”
“I give up.”
“He wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, ‘Is there a Dog??? Is there a Dog???’ ”
Shoe: I guess ice cream is the only “medication” that works for him? Because Ozempic certainly hasn’t been doing the job.
Mary Worth: Is it one count of attempted murder for every time Belle accidentally doesn’t poison Dawn? She’s going to end up with a super-long prison sentence based on nothing but her own clumsiness — and I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong thing to say when the other inmates ask what you’re in for.
Pluggers: Dude, if you’re going to be wearing those super-short shorts, the last thing we want to hear about is your “flip-flop.”
H&J: Meanwhile, Jamal thinks back; “Romans 9:18 states, ‘Therefore He [God] has mercy on whomever He wills, and he hardens whomever He wills.’ It’a kinda out of my hands, Padre.”
Shoe: General Halftrack reads this and thinks, “Great — more booze for me!”
MW: CUT! Belle, your thought is supposed to be ‘Curses! FOILED again!’ Let’s take it from the top, can we get another plateful of tainted spaghetti in here please, and this time Belle, see if you can get it to go all over Wilbur’s face and shirt this time!
JP: Well, hello to you too, you ungrateful little bitch!
RMMD: ‘I need to talk to you. I locked my keys in my truck, can your useless boyfriend give me a ride back to my place to get my spare?’
Shoe: I don’t know about you, but looking at that huge tower of sundae teetering in a stem glass, balanced on a tiny saucer, tenuously held in the flight feathers of a bird… it’s not good for my anxiety.
FC: Jeffy feels weirdly offended by a large, gender ambiguous rabbit voiced by Paul Lynde.
MW: I can forgive how Wilbur and Belle’s shoes are somehow pristine among the messy floor purely because of Belle’s face. That face is not what someone makes when their murder plot is ruined but rather when they just smelled something like a road killed skunk in a mid-July heatwave.
Wilbur totally cut one, didn’t he?
Panel two is the happiest any two Shoe characters have ever been. Please, Ms. McNelly, just pivot this strip to “anthropomorphic birds enjoy ice cream.” It would make the world a better place.
@BigTed: Would it be more or less embarrassing than explaining how all of her attempts were thwarted by a dumpy middle aged man who looked like the vomit inducing child of Jason Alexander and Danny DeVito?
H&J: I like the idea of the Reverend cites his quotations even in his own inner dialogue. This is a man who knows that the Good Lord is checking his work, even if its not written down.
Shoe: I totally misread this strip and thought that the Perfesser was taking his anxiety medication just *before* that giant sundae, presumably because the fact that he knows it’s extremely unhealthy but can’t stop himself causes him a lot of stress. I honestly don’t know which reading is sadder.
Wrecks Moregone:
“Summer Knight? With a name like that you must be an adult movie actress. I’m a casting director and I think we have a role for you.”
Wary Morth:
“Foiled again! Darn! I should use paper napkins instead.”
Luann:
It’s a bad idea for a drug pusher to sample her own hallucinogens.
SHOE: It would be MOST depressing if the Perfesser were slumped in his recliner wearing only his skivvies, surrounded by piles of empty ice cream cartons.
MW: Belle obviously slept through villain school. Not to mention Saturday morning cartoons. You’re no Snidely Whiplash, honey!
Heathcliffe: Good move, organ grinder. I’m sure people will be lining up two deep to give money to that cute robot.
RMMD: “Summer Knight? I’m Walter Miskiewicz. I’ll be your new stalker.”
MW: Look, Belle, it ought to be obvious to even you by now that these people are too clumsily lucky stupid to be killed subtly. It’s time for the accidental butcher knife between the 3rd and 4th ribs.
GT: So Brit is pissed because Keri wasn’t demonstrably happy that Keri’s own teammate lost. Sag off, Brit.
JP: Speaking of petulant bitches . . .
DT: ok – the pieces are starting to fit together – Uncle and Auntie found Sarge. Suit him up, new shoes and get new dental work – and somehow they bump him off in a sure fire hard to notice way. ? Did the dentist not notice the patient didn’t have insurance or who was paying for it?
RMMD: We’ve heard about criminals returning to the scene of the crime, but has ziptone Captain Picard ESP? Please make it twist that ChinStalker was already dead when the choking occure or there is another as yer unknown 3rd person who approached the car – the real killer.
MW: Bats is 0-2, one more time and she’s out! Her record is starting to resemble the Coyote against the Roadrunner. BUT on the positive side – no mary worth, muffins or salmon squares.
RMMD: “My daughter was stalked by McStalkerface until she killed herself, which is why I came by *after* I heard on the news he’d died here. After, *definitely* not before. You’re quite sure you didn’t look out to keep an eye on your stalker and see someone who looked like me? Because if you think you saw that, it wasn’t me. Maybe my daughter’s ghost. She *did* vow vengeance in her suicide note. And everyone always said how much she took after me in looks. Remember: not *me*. Anyhow, if you could clear that up with the police, that would be great.”
H&J: “In the stubbornness of the hearts they shall remain reprobate, yea though you shrink and grow a coffee cup before them.” Barista 1:17.
@Logar the Librarian: * their hearts. dammit. That’s what I get for typing it in instead of pasting from Bible Gateway.
Say what you will about Herb and Jamaal’s restaurant, but when you order coffee, they PROVIDE.
GT: “Oops think I did it again
I made you believe we’re more than just horse friends
Oh Peanut it might seem like a crush
But it doesn’t mean that I’m serious
‘Cause to outwrestle your friend
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby”
RMMD: Augie blurts out: “Hey, I saw you hanging around the parking lot last night,” thereby sealing his doom.
I can see a few different ways to read this Herb and Jamaal and all of them are fairly weird to see in newspaper comics. It could say the priesthood business guarantees you’ll feel the presence of God from time to time even if holding sermons have become just a chore, or conversely, even if you stop actually doing the job God is going to be there anyway, or even as Josh suggests, this holy man is just smugly sitting around judging nonbelievers, confident that his faith is true and correct. Which we could summarize as “Priest thinks God is real.” We have seen plenty of strips that don’t believe in jokes and punchlines but this is just literally preaching to the audience? I guess H & J stands for Holy (ghost) and Jesus.
Hey, it’s your space but what so bad about it?
Herb and Jamaal: After smilingly thinking these comforting words, the Reverend speaks up: “Hey! You! Over there with your dick out in the kitchen! God is watching , you know!
“Also, cancel my tuna sandwich!”
@Amelie Wikström: I don’t know what’s worse, a depressing non-joke (Hi and Lois), a unfunny smug pretentious joke (Funky/Crankshaft), or the comic literally just preaching religion to the audience.
I mean, at least today’s Herb and Jamaal isn’t going down Johnny Hart/B.C. levels here… but still.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I have a date with Barbara”
“She’s my daughter. Won’t you come in?”
“You’re a cute little gnome… I could go for you myself”
“Mama! He’s old enough to be your father!”
@BigTed: re: MW
I think the courts have already decided that with their “no such thing as attempted insurrection” ruling.
Fire away, Batts!
@Amelie Wikström: Former pastor, current chaplain, can verify all points.
@Ukranazi Stepan: Professional wrestling expert Jim Cornette recently had a podcast where he had a quiz: “Professional wrestler name or porn star name?”
Herb and Jamaal: Frederick Buechner was a Presbyterian minister and theologian, so if Rev. Croom is getting judgy with his quote, he’s misusing it. Is it actually sadder that Jamaal will end up in the hands of a loving, merciful God despite his protestations? And does Rev. Croom have nothing better to do on the Saturday before Easter than quietly bless random members of the community? Much to consider!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: *I have no church responsibilities, so nothing better to do than read and comment on comics, leave me alone.
Shoe: What the hell does the Perfesser even have to be anxious about? His life consists near entirely of sitting around and making nasty idle comments about everyone around him that nobody reacts to, just like all the other horrid bird mutants in this comic. Not exactly a high-stress lifestyle.
@Nobody: Space good, plenty room to set up camp, hunt deer and catch fish, read little pictures, make ha-ha comments to invisible people.
RMMD:
“He did seem to be suspicious of you. Of course, I am, too!”
H&J: I’m not sure the good reverend is smiling. It’s more like the annoyed expression of a man who, being in the business of telling people who is and who isn’t worthy of divine grace, is confronted with the absurd notion that such worthiness is not his to determine and that an infinitely loving and merciful creator would welcome even those he in his human imperfection rejects. It’s the face of a man who is going to start ranting about “the sin of empathy” before too long.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
I don’t want to say that Reverend Croom sometimes characterizes things in a homonymically ambiguous way, but he once described a local dispute about whether young female horses should be able to travel down a pathway framed by majestic trees of the genus Quercus as “the great filly oak way controversy.”
@Bob Tice: This is what you do all day, right? Puns?
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: A couple of Bob’s comments a day are Tice as nice.
MW – There’s a reason Belle thought “Darn! Thwarted again!” instead of saying it out loud. Wilbur would have laughed and told her that nobody talks like that…also she would have been admitting that she tried to kill Dawn. So two reasons.
I was a mess so I checked myself into the Hokey Pokey Clinic and I turned myself around.
@Hat: Well, hat’s off to you!
@Guy Nerdlinger: What’s impressive is seeing him pouring out even more puns over at Comics Kingdom.
C’shaft: That wasn’t a malapropism. Crankshaft believes it is the purpose of every profession to make people suffer as much as possible, not just his own.
Dustin: Of course Dustdad isn’t fit enough for yoga. He’s not even fit enough for a chairobics class.
Luann: No, she’s into shrooms, and she’s not sharing with you squares.
MW: Belle’s face is less “murder attempt has been thwarted, AGAIN” and more “ugh, the cat threw up on the carpet.”
Pluggers keep getting fatter ad infinitum.
RMMD: “Your DM to my daughter prompted me to commit murder, and I’m holding you responsible.”
H&L: Not funny at all until you realize Dot means Ditto is going to burn in hell.
“You better be wearing asbestos underwear, Dickhead” she whispers.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
Well, only if it doesn’t interfere with my professorial and lawyerly duties. Generally, the weekends are mine, though, so wordplay tends to be a “wholly Saturday” event.
@Guy Nerdlinger:
I’m glad you find them en-Tice-ing!
“When I think of a quote to myself, like, say, ‘You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.’ – Mae West, I like to make sure it’s properly attributed or otherwise I’d risk looking silly.”
– Tabby Lavalamp
FG: Only — what — two or three years in and already Schkrade is stealing plots from Gilligan’s Island?
Since Flash’s asset is his physicality and athleticism and Dale’s is her sneaky devious brain, Bok and Zarkov would be smart to trade Flash-in-Dale’s-Body for a mule. Then one of them could ride once in a while.
FG: “Okay, the first thing I do is make a ponytail. I don’t know how you can stand all this hair in your face. Do I have a scrunchie in one of these pockets?”
FG: “Oh. And find a pair of looser pants.”
JP: “The job market for NYU grads is gonna SUCK. If you had let me go to Colombia like I wanted, I could be in an El Salvador torture prison by now.”
Phantom: I know a certain scrawny little monk who’s about to get tied in a knot and rolled back down all those stairs.
JP: “The job market for NYU grads is gonna SUCK. If you had let me go to Columbia like I wanted, I could be in an El Salvador t0rture prison by now.”
Phantom: I know a certain scrawny little monk who’s about to get tied in a knot and rolled back down all those stairs.
It’s a bit odd to have an internal monologue in the form of cited quotes, but frankly, given its Herb and Jamaal, I’m just glad it wasn’t attributed to “A Presbyterian minister and author”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
#40. If Bob spends have a entire day making puns that are usually witty, I’m jealous.
PHANTOM:. That prophecy is a PITA, finding a way to circumrnt all our routes around it. Leave, Savarna, and don’t tell anyone you were here.
https://imgur.com/a/dxriV6C
MW: how many failed attempts did Jack T. Ripper have before his first successful attempt?
MW: The best conclusion to this ridiculous story line would be if Belle went to Mary Worth and asked for her advice on how to do away with Dawn (for whatever reason that she had for doing so). Mary could then pass along her “special” recipe for poison muffins, which is how she offed her husband years ago.
DT: Okay, now explain why you stole his wallet and immediately stuffed the whole thing in the church poor box. Or was that someone else again?
JP: So apparently, when Reena said Sophie had to talk to her parents no matter how awkward or unpleasant it was, what she heard was that she was supposed to make sure it was as awkward and upleasant as possible.
RMMD: “There’s no imaginable reason why someone who commited the crime would have called it in, therefore I should be completely above suspicion” really is an argument that’s stepping on its own point.
OTF: It’s absolutely hilarious that, being stuck with a Fastrack Mars mission in the Safe Havens backstory, Holbrook’s now desperate to say this is much more ethical than any other billionaire narcissist who might be trying to get to Mars. Why, they’re investing in green energy! And then they’ll presumably pull the money out of green energy when they need it for the Mars mission, but never mind that now.
Sex Organ, V.D.:” He DID seem suspicious of you, you, Ding Dong.” ” Hey! thats too many yous! Stick to the script!” “I am!”
Sex Organ V.D.: “EVERYBODY KILLS RAYMOND” will return after these messages…..
@Ukulele Ike: #55: re-Phantom: I dunno. That “certain scrawny little monk” has already been presented as an experienced cage fighter by strip canon. So far Savarna has only been able to do her fighting with the help of firearms and grenade launchers.
@Professor Well Actually: MW: how many failed attempts did Jack T. Ripper have before his first successful attempt?
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…at boinking Friday and Janet? 869, if you count “The Ropers” and “Three’s A Crowd”.
@Garrison Skunk: Chrissy, not Friday, you perverted spell check! Keep your Jack Webb fantasies to yourself!
Herb and Jamaal – Rev. Croom just feels lonely. He’s drinking his coffee alone, but doesn’t want to bother Jamaal at his work. Honestly, kind of sad, he’s only comfortable calling on God in his loneliness.
Shoe – Food addiction would cause anxiety, yes, and that sundae will only provide a short term fix until it comes back again, and Shoe finds himself loafing on in his easy chair, eating handfuls of Snax while watching TV he loathes.
@TheDiva: I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that Belle’s face looked less frustrated by her failure to murder Dawn and more disgusted by either the mess or some offensive stank.
FC – When Jef updated the console TV with a flat screen, he should have replaced that Easter Bunny with something less terrifying. The melonheads are going to have nightmares and keep Thel up all night.
JP – Abbey immediately tells Sam to run to the store for some Midol.
Mary Worth – I got up late today, so @The Quiet Man: beat me to “Curses! Foiled again!”
Belle should give up on poison and just tie Dawn to the railroad tracks.
Rex Morgan – Someone wants Hostess cakes? Someone is giving their opinion of the writer? Oh, wait – it’s the doorbell.
Edge City (Seattle Times) – Why is Len panicking about leading the Seder? Isn’t everything outlined in the book that the host follows, the Haggadah? I’m not Jewish and have never been to a Seder, but I know that. I would think that a person who has participated in Seders all his life would know it.
@Ukulele Ike: FG: Only — what — two or three years in and already Schkrade is stealing plots from Gilligan’s Island?
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NEXT: Watch the wackiness as Flash gets magnetized and a nuclear missile keeps following him around! Then after eating the radioactive space veggies everyone gains super strength! Will they EVER get off this planet?
Shoe: This animated reboot of “High Anxiety” is disappointing.