Metapost: Slightly delayed COTW
Post Content
Sorry, a little late in the day I know, but here … is your comment … of the week!
“Poor Charlie Brown. Once, he was a global icon, the Everyman incarnate, beloved staple of holiday television traditions and cute birthday cards everywhere. Now in the wake of the Animalpocalypse he’s forgotten, his iconic shirt hanging forlorn on thrift store rack among the detritus of the civilization that bore him. Good grief.” –TheDiva
And your very funny runners up!
“Sure, Mary Worth can have beach fun and ancient Egypt in alternate weeks, but Heathcliff crams them both into the same day. See him pointedly staring away from the water, with a smug smile on his face, as his mummy friend sinks below the waves. Heathcliff knows he doesn’t need to save anyone to make his comic fun!” –Nevin, on Patreon
“The Gospels quote gives the game away. ‘Yeah, we’re all going out to dinner one night next week. There will be thirteen of us in all. But I feel like one of them is going to betray me in the near future. Maybe I’ll bring that up, just to clear the air.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“I hope it looks like… [mentally cycles through all the weird humanoid shapes that exist in the Crock-verse] …I take it back, we shouldn’t be procreating.” –pugfuggly
“Look, I know there are only so many ways to dress logic puzzles up as child-friendly detective mysteries, but ‘How did Slylock find the thief? He looked at the security camera footage’ is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.” –Schroduck
“Asimov’s Revised Laws of Robotics:
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. Women be Shopping.” –Philip“I dream of a world where not only do the garbage men win awards, but also that they wish to discuss it with me, like I’m anything to them beyond a trash-gouting annoyance, and they’re anything to me beyond, well, the garbage men. Also, one of them looks like he was heaved forward via wormhole from a cartoon produced in 1938. I’m pretty sure Joan Baez wrote at LEAST one song about this.” –A Grave Mind
“This, this is classic mid-late period B.C.! There’s a rock with words on it! The words mean ‘Blatant pretext for an incredibly low-effort joke!’ Then there’s an incredibly low-effort joke! The panel is filled out with a stock drawing of a disappointed caveman and … just a lot of white space! Get rid of Satan’s Color Gradient at the bottom of panel two and you’re cooking.” –matt w
“Man, today’s Beetle Bailey takes a deep dive into race relations in the military. During the 60s and 70s, black soldiers and officers were always told something wasn’t regulation — usually their haircut or their facial hair. ‘No Afros, no matter how short! No beard, even if shaving causes skin irritation.’ To have a pompous white general demean one of the most competent lieutenants in Camp Swampy — who just happens to be black! — means Beetle Bailey has finally reached the Vietnam War, and we can look forward to most of these idiots bleeding out in a rice paddy.” –Voshkod
“Maybe it’s just the MG&G team’s subtle way of saying they’re mailing it in today.” –Pozzo
“Fire departments are usually a competence of local government, while the Postal Service is a federal institution. Is being willing to piss on fire hydrants but not mailboxes a celebration of centralised power against the wishes of the framers or an indication that local government is more responsive to the natural needs of citizens? In this essay…” –Ettorre
“The corpses, mother. It is the corpses which draw me to the museum, day after day. Through my second sight, I can’t help but see everyone (except for Mary Worth, the Ageless One) decaying around me. But the mummies lie still, preserved, proof that even death beyond death can have its terminus.” –Guts Dozier
“That’s not Olive’s mom. Mary is going the extra mile to encourage Olive’s interests, acting out the myth of Khonsu, aging and becoming young again with the phases of the moon.” –Dan
“He just now suspects that he might be a dog. The rear-end shot is to verify it. Tail = dog, no tail = a conundrum for another day.” –MKay
“Do you see how eager Snert looks? He definitely understands human language, probably because he’s a man cursed by the gods to live as a dog. The family fears that, by so blatantly thwarting Loki’s will, they will attract his wrath. (Frankly, the hat is already a risk.)” –Mr. A
“He’ll be staying with us for a week or so. Or until his insurance runs out, whichever comes first. He does have insurance, doesn’t he?” –seismic-2
“Fun fact: the nurses I know hate CPR, because it inflicts broken ribs and sternums, even damage to the lung or liver, and for what? Overall survival rates outside of the ER are around 7.5%. For patients over the age of 70, that drops to 6.7%. So if you’re trying to, let’s say, resuscitate a comic strip born in 1948, it’s just not worth it. Get Rex Morgan, M.D., a DNR order, stat!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“This puts a new spin on things, as presumably his greatest foe is ‘the Master.’” –Maltmash3r
“Medical dude’s incredulous ‘You’re Jonah’s FAMILY?’ was responsible for what was probably the first time I’ve ever laughed out loud at a Rex Morgan strip. But it was kind of undermined when I read further and realized this guy just has some sort of Tourette’s-like random bolding disorder. ‘We think we’ll be able to treat him with MEDICATION!’” –Peanut Gallery
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41 replies to “Metapost: Slightly delayed COTW”
“It’s COTW time….round up the usual suspects!”
The COTW and all the runners-up are all great and had me laughing but I have to say that “Satan’s Color Gradient” is my new band name.
Congratulations on the CotW, TheDiva! Congrats to all the other folks.
Great to be back on the float — as long as we can keep Grimm from pissing on it.
Congrats TheDiva. You didn’t get the football that is COTW pulled away at the last second!
@Philip:
Everyone talks about how great Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn’t so great. He never got COTW on The Comics Curmudgeon, did he? Have you ever seen a quote of his even on the float in the COTW thread on The Comics Curmudgeon? Hmm? How can you say someone is great who’s never had COTW on The Comics Curmudgeon?
Congrats to TheDiva and her bleakness, only matched by the desolation of Peanuts itself, and to all the floaters. I agree, “Satan’s color gradient” is a brilliant line.
Last, thanks to Josh for putting me on the float this week. Given how often my also-ran comments come from Thursday or Friday, I am beginning to suspect sleep deprivation works to my advantage. Much to consider.
Congratulations to all, and here are the Scrotes:
MKay
August 30th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
RMMD: I’m no expert, but mightn’t the leaf-blower provide a nice jolt, here? CLEAR!
Schroduck
August 30th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: *Meanwhile at an archaeological dig in Egypt* “Look at this inscription! A new pharaoh, previously unrecorded by history. If I’m reading this correctly, Mehr-ri the Meddler was a feared warrior queen known for sending her enemies’ chariots plunging off cliffs.”
Tom
August 30th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
MW: When was the last time Moy actually had a conversation with a teenage girl–or, for that matter, any human being under the age of fifty? This dialogue is so stilted that it’s qualified to be a circus performer.
McManx
August 30th, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
M Worth – Oh Mary, Olive’s imagination isn’t that wild. To her, there’s not much difference between you and the mummified remains in the Egyptian wing.
Bob Tice
August 30th, 2025 at 5:23 am Reply
MW:
“I’m afraid I don’t know a thing about the pharaohs, Mary1?
“Tut, Tut, Tut!”
Horace Broon
August 30th, 2025 at 9:36 am Reply
MW: “I have to pay lip-service to the idea my parents have had any real say in my life since we first met, but they know how things really work!”
ectojazzmage
August 30th, 2025 at 10:16 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wow, so we’re just outright confirming now that Mary Worth is bigoted towards other religious beliefs and views them with derision. I’m not surprised that she is, but I am pretty surprised at the confirmation. This whole arc is pretty much summing up Mary at her absolute worst.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 30th, 2025 at 12:03 pm Reply
MW: Fingers crossed that we see Olive’s wild imagination leading her to mummify a still-living Mary.
Hibbleton
August 30th, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
DtM: What’s up with the Mitchells constantly inviting unpaired men over the house? Are they looking for a sperm donor?
“Sorry, guys.” Points at Dennis “I’m not bringing another that into the world.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
taig
August 30th, 2025 at 7:15 am Reply
FC: Two seconds later, Jeffy gets up on the bow of the ship and yells, “I’m King of the…” *SPLOOSH*.
GarrisonSkunk
August 30th, 2025 at 9:24 am Reply
“Mommy! Daddy’s not looking at the skyline, he’s looking at that naked woman on Floor 69!”
Beau Nair
August 30th, 2025 at 7:21 am Reply
Is that the same comb that the Plugger just used to groom his pubic hair?
Aaron
August 31st, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
RMMD: “Yeah, I probably should’ve had it on speakerphone so I could continue CPR while I’m talking to you, but the artist really wanted to show off how well they can draw someone holding a cellphone! That’s pretty rare here in the comics!”
MKay
August 31st, 2025 at 5:19 am Reply
RMMD: “Hi, Lorna, it’s Cody. Despite you distinctly telling me not to, I forced my presence on Jonah, and he got so mad his heart stopped. So, are there any other family members who don’t want to meet me?”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Philip
September 1st, 2025 at 7:08 am Reply
Blondie – Asimov’s Revised Laws of Robotics
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. Women be Shopping.
Peanut Gallery
September 1st, 2025 at 7:17 am Reply
Blondie – No, Siri! Street harassment was one of the last remaining areas where humans could still outperform robots!
TheDiva
September 2nd, 2025 at 5:46 am Reply
BB: I’ve always adhered to Mark Twain’s “good walk spoiled” philosophy so I wouldn’t know, but are “tacky golf outfits” still a thing? Even if they are, I’m thinking Halftrack’s “colorblind Scottish gamekeeper” look went out with the doctor’s head mirror.
Lord Flatulence
September 2nd, 2025 at 6:41 am Reply
FC: The hardest part about flossin’ is finding a pubic hair long enough.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
GarrisonSkunk
September 2nd, 2025 at 8:15 am Reply
I’m disappointed B.C. didn’t show a rock tablet ad on a spring banging him in the face.
Schroduck
September 2nd, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
Fact check: Pop-up ads were invented some time around 1998. I can find B.C. comics posted to Usenet as early as 1993. So no, pop-up ads were never the most annoying thing online.
TheDiva
September 3rd, 2025 at 6:41 am Reply
MG&G: Never mind the mailbox, there’s a wall right there! I doubt Grimm would be the first dog to use it as a toilet. Hell, odds are pretty good that a few humans have used it for a toilet.
paulrvalentine
September 3rd, 2025 at 9:52 am Reply
If the USPS isn’t good enough to handle dog piss, I’m certainly not going to trust them with my mail!
The Man With The Plan
September 3rd, 2025 at 12:00 pm Reply
MG&G: Credit where it’s due, that is a really detailed drawing of the USPS logo. Bummer it has to share panel space with a pee joke, but whaddaya gonna do.
(Side note: please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t know that the USPS logo is based off an eagle?
pugfuggly
September 3rd, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
MGG Sorry Folgers, but the best part of waking up for me now is seeing a cartoon dog grabbing his junk.
PmP Weird animal sex play stuff aside, it’s his ass, girl. You’re smelling his ass.
Hibbleton
September 3rd, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
PmP:
Answer: How to describe Furry cunnilingus without breaking character.
Question: Sorry I asked.
Schroduck
September 3rd, 2025 at 4:51 am Reply
PMP: Congratulations to Pardon My Planet, winner of this year’s “Most Graphic Description of Cunnilingus in the Funny Pages” award. Commiserations to the losers – sorry Blondie, your depictions of Dagwood’s fantasies of “eating” his wife’s “sandwich” just weren’t quite eroticised enough this time.
Brad
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
You know, if that lady’s husband is an actual dog, I say good for her, to each his own, who am I to judge? Just hope she cleans up after him when he shits on the sidewalk.
Liam
September 3rd, 2025 at 7:02 am Reply
Pardon My Planet-And by ground you mean your vagina?
cheech wizard
September 3rd, 2025 at 7:24 am Reply
PMP – Ok, is “ground” supposed to be a euphemism? Because if it is, this makes some kind of kinky sense.
ectojazzmage
September 3rd, 2025 at 7:27 am Reply
Pardon My Planet: Its not often that a comic strip leaves me utterly speechless, but this is definitely such a time.
Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
September 3rd, 2025 at 8:32 am Reply
PMP: Expect a Cease & Desist order from the legal team at 9 Chickweed Lane.
Dennis Jimenez
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:52 am Reply
PMP – I can’t believe some women don’t verify their mates with an extensive butt sniffing….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
But What Do I Know?
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:48 am Reply
MW — Olive’s Mom blithely ignores the subtextual clues. A girl starved of human affection is fascinated by “Mummies” and fantasizes about burying her dead family members, and all blondie can say is “Would you like to go to Egypt?”
astroboy
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:33 am Reply
Queen Narcititi is bored with being praised in English and wishes to be praised in Arabic for a change.
Tabby Lavalamp
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
Okay, now Mary Worth is getting interesting. The strip where Mary walks in on Olive practising ancient Egyptian burial techniques on her bullying classmates is going to be an all-timer.
Needless Exposition
September 3rd, 2025 at 6:19 am Reply
MW: Evy isn’t making eye contact with her unholy spawn for fear of imprinting on it. You can’t grow attached to something you refuse to acknowledge. That or she’s afraid of being sent to the cornfield or turned into some unholy abomination.
Maude R. Fawker
September 3rd, 2025 at 10:54 am Reply
MW: “Olive, what was your favorite part of the museum visit?” “Oh, I gotta go with all the stone dicks. So many statues! So many dicks! All of them rock hard!”
A Grave Mind
September 3rd, 2025 at 12:01 pm Reply
“But I can’t help being fascinated by them! The Mameluk period, the Ottoman Suzerainty, their defeat at Tel-El-Kebir by Sir Garnet Wolsley’s daring night attack, the wanton misrule of King Farouk – ”
“Look, kid, just say fucking pyramids, okay? Pyramids.”
Ukulele Ike
September 3rd, 2025 at 8:00 am Reply
JP: Kind of interesting: Two recent college graduates go wild in Norwegian suburb.
Less interesting: Judge Randy confronts Lemonpuss down at the ol’ CIA headquarters.
Way less interesting: Charlotte cries for mommy; Judge Alan bursts into tears like a little bitch.
So. We’ve had three days in a row of….
Horace Broon
September 3rd, 2025 at 11:31 am Reply
JP: “It would probably help if the writer had figured out what’s actually happened to them!”
RMMD: Tomorrow is going to be “This isn’t your fault for going to see him after I specifically told you it was a bad idea and he didn’t want to see you — it’s his fault for not wanting to see you!” isn’t it?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
taig
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
FC: “OK, sure.” {two seconds later} “No! Don’t sit on it!”
Baja Gaijin
September 4th, 2025 at 4:28 am Reply
Pluggers: The original caption is too long; for today’s Twitter-addicted comic strip readers, the caption need be “Pluggers know they’re butt-ugly.”
taig
September 4th, 2025 at 7:07 am Reply
Pluggers: “Wait. This time I’ll pull down my pants.”
Charterstoned
September 4th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: Meanwhile, Evy’s slab of liver hardens on her plate as she waits for Ed to relinquish The Fork.
Needless Exposition
September 4th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
MW: Ed is the second sanest person in this story (Naomi Hatchetface is still way ahead of everyone) but as always, he’s made to look like a buffoon in league with Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin for outwardly stating his opinions. Next he’ll be asking when Evy bleached her hair between their marathon fuckfest.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
nescio
September 4th, 2025 at 5:38 am Reply
HtH: Snert desperately wants to fuck Helga’s duck Kvack, and the last thing the family wants is to hear him talk about it.
Doc Wonmug
September 4th, 2025 at 8:11 am Reply
Today’s Hagar puts me in mind of being in the Boy Scouts and hearing some kid claim he tried to teach his dog to give blowjobs by letting the dog lick the peanut butter off a carrot.
Pretty sure everyone in The Horrible household has the same sort of motivation.
Little Blue Bicycle
September 4th, 2025 at 8:21 am Reply
@Doc Wonmug: “Be Prepared.”
Your Mom
September 4th, 2025 at 8:13 am Reply
Wednesday Squickies
Hagar: Snert’s first words will be “these motherfuckers sodomize me” and it will go rapidly downhill from there.
FC: Dolly took him at his word when Jeffy told her he liked his sex rough.
MKay
September 5th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
RMMD: I hope Cody can muster a happier face when he accepts The National Medal for Saving the Life of Someone Whose Heart Attack You Caused.
seismic-2
September 5th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
RMMD: “He’ll be staying with us for a week or so. Or until his insurance runs out, whichever comes first. He does have insurance, doesn’t he???”
Cody’s family looks at one another, and they smile at the doctor as they quietly back out of the room, never to be seen there again.
But What Do I Know?
September 5th, 2025 at 5:21 am Reply
@seismic-2: No way that the hospital/doctor didn’t check on the insurance thing well befo now. Heck, even Rex knows to verify insurance before making pissy faces and prescribing aspirin!
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
September 5th, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Fun fact: the nurses I know hate CPR, because it inflicts broken ribs and sternums, even damage to the lung or liver, and for what? Overall survival rates outside of the ER are around 7.5%. For patients over the age of 70, that drops to 6.7%. So if you’re trying to, let’s say, resuscitate a comic strip born in 1948, it’s just not worth it. Get Rex Morgan, M.D. a DNR order, stat!
pugfuggly
September 5th, 2025 at 5:44 am Reply
RMMD: “…so until we get some proof of insurance, that’s who we’ll be charging. Hey, you save it, you bought it.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
September 5th, 2025 at 5:02 am Reply
MW: Olive expressed (through her anal glands?) that she’d like to travel. I agree. Seriously, Dr. Jeff should have a look at her.
Guts Dozier
September 5th, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
Look at Olive and her dad. Follow their respective eyelines. Are they… reading the word balloons? Is this part of their array of psychic powers? Oh god. What if all of Olive’s powers are meta-based? She can see into the future because she can look ahead to the final panel of the strip.
Pozzo
September 5th, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
Olive’s father is frankly skeptical, but if it gets her off their hands for a couple of weeks…
matt w
September 5th, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
Olive has mystical powers of perception but she hasn’t figured out that you can read the little plaques next to the paintings.
Charterstoned
September 5th, 2025 at 5:26 am Reply
MW:
Olive: “Mary invited me to go WITH HER to Santa Royale for a week or two before school starts….Its not as exotic as Italy or France, but I could LEARN so much from interacting with the NATIVES there! I could learn KARAOKE from Wilbur Weston, and take GUITAR lessons from Keith Hillend, develop BARTENDING SKILLS by working with Toby Cameron—as well as how to SCULPT HORSIES! Mary can teach me how to BAKE, and I can even observe the DOVES O’ LOVE in their natural habitat! It would be such a CULTURAL IMMERSION!”
Ed: Yeah, whatever.
Evy: I ALREADY have your bags all packed, dear. You know, maybe you should consider a GAP YEAR.
CanuckDownSouth
September 5th, 2025 at 5:51 am Reply
MW Sure, going back to the condo you lived (and almost drowned) in a few years ago is just like expanding your horizons by travelling to the Middle East or Europe!
TheDiva
September 5th, 2025 at 7:06 am Reply
MW: Good thing Ghislaine Maxwell is in prison. Ed and Evie would’ve pawned Olive off on her in a second.
C’shaft: Look, Skip, there has got to be something more interesting going on in this town. Isn’t there, I don’t know, a school play or an unusually large zucchini you should be covering?
taig
September 5th, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
Luann: Heh heh heh heh. Bernice said, “sperm.”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Ukulele Ike
August 30th, 2025 at 9:14 am Reply
GT: That’s Mimi? That’s Coach ex-Mrs. Coach Thorp? Her new lover must be a great cook.
69. Baja Gaijin
September 1st, 2025 at 7:58 am Reply
Snuffy Smith: “Lay down wif” the dog? Is Barlow implying Snuffy and the dog had sexual congress? Not that I wouldn’t believe it, just want to be sure I’m inferring correctly from his implication.
69. taig
September 2nd, 2025 at 8:03 am Reply
MW: “Did you know they have a Bum Boat at the museum? Wild, huh?”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. nescio
September 5th, 2025 at 7:09 am Reply
MW: “We saw John Singer Sargent’s infamous Madame X with her strap on.”
Thanks, Scratchy.
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy!
Congrats as always to the winners, and thank you, Scratchy!
@Ukulele Ike: I’m shocked! Shocked to find that snarking is going on in here.
The CsOTW, mother. It is the CsOTW which draw me to The Comics Curmudgeon, day after day.
Good thing no one else was in the office when I read them.
Thanks for the mentions,Scratchy!
Thank you, Josh and Scratchy, it makes my day any time. Hail our Champion, TheDiva, who definitely was funnier than me this week, and high fives to the rest of the float. The Gravemind sees Ettorre, Schroduck, and Philip, all of whom broke the backboard.
Oh wow. Thanks, Josh. Was certainly not expecting to make the float.
Also, congrats to TheDiva et al, and to all the scratchies. Tips of the beret to pugfuggly, Schroduck, and seismic-2.
Thanks to our host, claps for all those named, and upvotes for Scratchy’s scrotes.
Thanks for the rock hard Scrote, Scratchy, and kudos to all the funny folks here.
Congrats to everyone today :3
Even those who didn’t make it on COTW or Float or Scrote.
You’re all hilarious ^^
Receiving an award named after a scrotum that’s allegedly scratchy is all well and good, I suppose – and please don’t think I’m unappreciative But this site needs an official award named after my pus-filled vaginal boils. Thank you for your consideration.
Thanks Josh!
Huzzahs for TheDiva! And more huzzahs for the other clever comments and august comment selectors! Yummy alleged popovers for one and all! Poteeterisks* this week for Philip, I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV, Dan, and Maltmash3r.
@Your Mom: You just earned a Scrote for that.
Shadow COTW Contenders
Where’s Rocky?
August 30th, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
Mary Worth: You’d look uncomfortable too if you were actually a millennia old succubus who first rose from the depths of a Nile marsh.
MKay
August 30th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
Mary Worth: Past life regression won’t work for Mary. She’s been only herself since time began.
Schroduck
August 30th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
Mary Worth: *Meanwhile at an archaeological dig in Egypt* “Look at this inscription! A new pharaoh, previously unrecorded by history. If I’m reading this correctly, Mehr-ri the Meddler was a feared warrior queen known for sending her enemies’ chariots plunging off cliffs.”
Charterstoned
August 30th, 2025 at 4:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: In a remote, shadowy corner of the Ancient Egypt exhibition hall, Olive suddenly turned on Mary and rammed her souvenir Egyptian brain hook up Mary’s nostrils, twisting it deftly and liquifying the woman’s brain. The girl’s swift movements truncated Mary’s last realization, that Olive was weird, after all….It took mere moments for the girl to remove the old woman’s organs into some nearby canonic jars, then to shove Mary’s hollowed corpse into the giant sarcophagus that stood open on a plinth. Tossing in some linen and a few amulets from a display case, Olive then slammed shut the heavily decorated lid. “So that’s how the Ancient Egyptians did it,” Olive mused. Satisfied with her impromptu funerary efforts, Olive left the museum and caught the midtown bus for home. Still, something didn’t feel right about what she’d just done. “I should have added a cat,” she sighed with regret.
Ukulele Ike
August 30th, 2025 at 6:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: Try it on somebody else, Olive. Mary’s ancient enough to remember the first “Bridey Murphy” hoax.
Tabby Lavalamp
August 30th, 2025 at 8:03 am Reply
Mary Worth: Olive is probably going to drag Mary off to CleoCon, the annual convention for people who think they were reincarnated from Cleopatra. What a pain in the asp.
Alter Ego
August 30th, 2025 at 8:46 am Reply
Pluggers hang onto that little comb that came with the lice-removal kit, because you never know when it might come in handy again.
GarrisonSkunk
August 30th, 2025 at 9:24 am Reply
Family Circus: “Mommy! Daddy’s not looking at the skyline, he’s looking at that naked woman on Floor 69!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 30th, 2025 at 3:37 pm Reply
Family Circus: They just left the ferry’s prow like that so that the crew could run a betting pool on which small child falls overboard first. If it’s not Jeffy a lot of people are losing money.
A Grave Mind
August 31st, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Heathcliff: Perhaps Surf Mummy simply travels long distances a la Bugs Bunny. Now his only concern is which turn he takes at Albuquerque.
Bob Tice
August 31st, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Now, Olive, do you have any questions for me, now that you’ve experienced all that the Met has to offer?”
“I sure do. First of all, why is that Gertrude Stein lady apparently such a sourpuss?
“Why didn’t that lady that Monsieur Courbet painted dress up a little bit before engaging with her parrot?
“How come that young woman that Vermeer drew looks like Frankie Munoz from ‘Malcolm in the Middle’?
“Are those toxic algae underneath Monsieur Monet’s bridge?
“Why would Socrates drink that stuff when it was no good for him in the first place?
“And how was General Washington able to fit all those guys in one boat?”
Hibbleton
August 31st, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Listen, Lorna. I’ve got some bad news…Our brother is headed to the hospital…His life is in Dr Morgan’s hands now.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
MKay
August 31st, 2025 at 5:19 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Hi, Lorna, it’s Cody. Despite you distinctly telling me not to, I forced my presence on Jonah, and he got so mad his heart stopped. So, are there any other family members who don’t want to meet me?”
2+2=7
August 31st, 2025 at 6:01 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary: “I mean, if some snotty bitch dared to try to bully me, I’d not only would not risk my life to save her from drowning, but I’d probably go and keep her head submerged faster then you can say ‘Aldo Kelrast.’ But you do you, dearie.”
Hibbleton
August 31st, 2025 at 6:49 am Reply
Mark Trail: I suppose having Mark punching those disease-ridden mice to kingdom come would have been a bit much.
ectojazzmage
August 31st, 2025 at 7:31 am Reply
eathcliff: I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that summer partying with an undead mummy sounds like some of the raddest shit ever.
astroboy
September 1st, 2025 at 4:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: But enough about how heroic I am. Let’s talk about how athletic I am. And then we can talk about how pretty I am, and then how wise I am, and then…
GarrisonSkunk
September 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
The Familliar Mucus: “Its tough for Daddy to decide which to play with us – football or baseball”. Bil’s thoughts: ” Jeffy’s head is almost a perfect football shape…while P.J’s is still round enough to be a baseball again this year……what to do,what to do? If only our kids had normal shaped heads,Thel and I could go bowling.”
Ettorre
September 1st, 2025 at 5:15 am Reply
Slylock Fox: What percentage of the ware sold in this thrift store is made up of stuff looted from the apartments of humans killed in the first, violent wave of the Animalapocalypse? At least 70%, right?
MKay
September 1st, 2025 at 5:27 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Could it be the filthy pair of malodorous, dropping-filled rat pants stinking up the changing room?
Aaron
September 1st, 2025 at 6:20 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Jesus, does this kid ever shower or use deodorant? She REEKS!”
Peanut Gallery
September 1st, 2025 at 7:17 am Reply
Blondie: No, Siri! Street harassment was one of the last remaining areas where humans could still outperform robots!
ValdVin
September 1st, 2025 at 7:21 am Reply
Slylick Fox: The evidence is that Reeky’s original pair of distressed jeans are the only clothing in the store which don’t carry the stench of shopworn despair and mothballs.
astroboy
September 1st, 2025 at 9:22 am Reply
The Wilbur: Mayo on white bread
The Dawn: Two spread chicken legs on a fried doormat
The Toby: A slice of toast and a box of wine. Hold the toast.
The Mary: Salmon squares on sliced cheddar bacon muffin
The Olive: Pimento Loaf on Wonder Bread
The Jeff: Rocky Mountain Oysters, dyed blue, on rye
The Belle: Ghost peppers and limburger on black bread
The Tommy: Meth. It’s just meth
Schroduck
September 2nd, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
B.C.: Fact check: Pop-up ads were invented some time around 1998. I can find B.C. comics posted to Usenet as early as 1993. So no, pop-up ads were never the most annoying thing online.
Dmsilev
September 2nd, 2025 at 6:30 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Career advice for the Lieutenant: Mouthing off to a General, even if he deserves it, is a good way to get yourself transferred to a hellish post at which you will spend the rest of eternity frozen in your current rank and job, surrounded by other similarly damned souls. Oh, wait.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: “What did you see at the museum Olive?” “I saw Greek statues, European paintings, a granite Dick, American stained glass, Asian ceramics, some marble butt cheeks, and Mary naked!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 2nd, 2025 at 1:58 pm Reply
Mary Worth: It’s impossible for me to read Olive’s recitation of the museum’s contents without hearing Lucky the Leprechaun list the marshmallows in Lucky Charms. She’s even wearing green.
pugfuggly
September 3rd, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: Sorry Folgers, but the best part of waking up for me now is seeing a cartoon dog grabbing his junk.
MKay
September 3rd, 2025 at 4:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Mary, we’ll pay you to take a trip to Egypt with, um, what’s her name again…oh, yeah, OLIVE!”
Guts Dozier
September 3rd, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
Mary Worth: The corpses, mother. It is the corpses which draw me to the museum, day after day. Through my second sight, I can’t help but see everyone* decaying around me. But the mummies lie still, preserved, proof that even death beyond death can have its terminus.
*(except for Mary Worth, the Ageless One)
Hibbleton
September 3rd, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ed tries to explain to Mary the difference between schizoaffective disorder and schizophrenia. “I know it’s confusing to the layman, Mary; but really, all you have to remember is Olive is nuts.”
Ukulele Ike
September 3rd, 2025 at 7:14 am Reply
Phantom: Suddenly, I have a craving for some nice freshly-baked brattttaaattaa.
A Grave Mind
September 4th, 2025 at 4:30 am Reply
Hägar the Horrible: Snert tells the neighbors, the Bush Clan, the secrets of the family baked bean recipe, and a fortune is lost.
BigTed
September 5th, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: I like the concerned expression on Olive’s father’s face here. “Wait, you took her to the largest art museum in New York City, which we’ve managed to avoid her seeing in all the time we’ve lived here? And you told her that Europe exists? I mean, it’s bad enough that we let her attend school, where the other kids noticed how weird she is… now she’s going to want to go all sorts of places, and she’ll definitely be burned as a witch!”
Liam
September 5th, 2025 at 8:39 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Mary, says that she was the inspiration for Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings.”
Shadow COTW
——————
A Grave Mind
September 1st, 2025 at 2:23 pm Reply
Slylock Fox: Is it me, or does every object in Hank’s thrift shop look like something possessed and evil. Especially the toaster. One is always, shall we say, “needful” of a toaster.
Thanks, Baja.
Thank you, thank you and thank you, Josh, Scratchy and Baja!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Thanks, Son.
Glad to be back on the float again! Congrats to TheDiva and all the rest.
Thanks, Baja!
Thank you for the props, Baja!
Thank you, Scratchy & Baja!
@Peanut Gallery: Eventually someone had to say it. No offense intended.