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Most Americans have had the past few days off of work, but I have to admire my faithful readers’ dedication to posting hilarious comments. Here’s this week’s #1!

“Isn’t it obvious? Ozob is planning on creating hybrid clown/vampire car technology. When you open the door, infinite vampires pour out and usher in a new age of darkness and despair for the world. A world full of despair is the ultimate bull market in the business of clowning!” –RoofPig, on Patreon

And the very funny runners up!

“Interesting choice of quote in the throwaway panel. I’m assuming this is about Toby not carrying the burden of the past (i.e., the horrible conditions her bird escaped from) or worrying about the madness of the future (Ian absolutely losing it when he comes back to an apartment strewn with sunflower shells and bird shit).” –pugfuggly

“If that coffee spout was about six inches lower, the tragedy wouldn’t be that former movie star R2D2 turned to retail, it would be that he turned to sex work.” –Where’s Rocky?

“‘My best friend is leaving!’ As he’s your only friend, you’re technically correct.” –ValdVin

“Sonny has spent the last two weeks trying to keep Toby from seeing the major-for-Santa Royale story about the exotic wildlife on the loose in the news. Hence the steady diet of sitcoms and soap operas. If he stops laughing, the game is up.” –Harmless little bunny

“I’m CRUSHED the artist added ‘Root’ to Dick’s bottle, clearly at the last minute. Dick’s a beer-with-lunch guy, not a $2 bottle soda guy! Christ, next you’ll tell me he voted for Mondale!” –A Grave Mind

“This storyline could go two ways and the suspense is not killing me. Toby could fall deeper into the delusion that Sunny is the lone survivor of his South American species and on arrival in another continent has gained super powers, or the trauma of the truck crash will build up an insufferable ennui in his soul leading to a premature death and funeral that all of Charterstone must attend.” –SabeHombre

“How far off is the panel where a plugger is depicted enjoying his bidet? Really sorry for sharing this thought (and, indeed, for having it).” –Kyle

“Perhaps Ian has quit academe and moved into the lucrative world of parrot smuggling, which would explain his month-long absence at a ‘conference.’ Ever since the crash happened on his watch, he’s been on the run from the cartel who expect to be made whole.” –Charterstone: Dune

“People are criticizing Mary for not understanding that Sunny is just imitating what he sees on television. But me? I commend him for showing more human emotion than any human character in this strip.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Abner Kadaver is such a good pun name. It’s multifaceted. I’m focusing solely on that to avoid thinking about Blondie and Dagwood’s sex life.” –Austria

“I love how this guy is adopting the language of art criticism to discuss Ozob’s silly car customizations. ‘Ozob’s breakout work, Vampire Car, signaled a shift in approach from the solemn, if covertly ironic, form of automotive menace typified by Stephen King’s Christine, to an overtly cartoonish aesthetic drawing on influences that range from monster truck rallies to The Munsters’ Munster Koach. Critics remain divided as to whether this shift represents camp, or even pandering, versus a clever inversion in which postmodernist technique is recruited into the service of a critique of postmodernism itself.’” –Peanut Gallery

“The eternal recurrence of Crock reruns means that not only did newspapers (note to self: check if there are still newspapers) run this strip today, but also fifteen years ago, without noticing that it was about cannibalism and the joke made no sense. Nobody is watching, cartoonists! Go wild!” –matt w

“I might try this as a motivator in the morning. Just look at myself in the mirror and remind myself of the benefits of being a mammal. ‘One good thing about having a bony endoskeleton is I don’t need to moult as I grow,’ ‘One good thing about having skin is that I don’t need to live in a pool of nutrients,’ ‘One good thing about having external genitalia is that I don’t have to package my sperm into a sharp calcified dart that pierces my skin while I’m simultaneously being pierced by my partner’s own calcified sperm dart,’ etc.” –Schroduck

“I don’t see a can of beer next to Thirsty. I call fake.” –Bob Tice

“Shoe is a purple martin, whose diet consists primarily of bugs. The Perfesser, meanwhile, is an osprey, and although he’s primarily a pescatarian he will hunt his fellow birds if he needs to — for example, to take out the galliforms his boss is threatening to replace him with.” –TheDiva

“When you consider the dating scene in Shoe, those eggs are unfertilized, anyway.” –Hibbleton

“The good news is, birds actually will eat their own eggs to recoup calcium so Shoe is accurate. The bad news is, well, everything I just said.” –Library Seraph

“Since the record sale seems to have held up for five years, it might have been a manifestation of COVID asset mania. No doubt Andy lost a packet on shares in a crypto Pigeoncoin and has been futilely attempting to recoup his investment ever since.” –But What Do I Know?

“Shoe is talking mad shit for someone within boiling hot coffee range.” –ectojazzmage

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