Unhappy holidays
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/23/25
Oh, I’m sorry, did you think that Buck Wise would decorate his lawn with a boring, pedestrian “inflatable” of the Grinch or some similar garbage? Why, that would be like asking Glenwood’s #1 promoter of roots country/”Ameripolitan” bullshit to jam out to Taylor Swift or the hip-hop music or whatever. Sorry, Buck is getting into the Christmas spirit with the vintage blow mold figures that he drained Corey’s college fund to buy on eBay and whose original and authentically frayed electrical cords represent a significant fire hazard.
Hi and Lois, 12/23/25
Not sure what potential interpretation I like more here: that this is a plan the Flagstons and Thurstons cooked up together that’s gone horribly awry, or that Thirsty simply showed up at his friend’s door, dressed as Santa and visibly drunk, and bullied his way inside to spread a little Christmas cheer to the neighbor kids. Either way the fact that “Santa’s sack” is clearly just an extra-large Hefty garbage bag full of who knows what really adds to the delightfully bad vibes.
70 replies to “Unhappy holidays”
Mary Worth Mashups: One of these Missing Final Panels should be canon. Which one?
RMMD:
His spiraling descent into madness complete, Buck signals “Touchdown!”, even though there is no football game anywhere in sight.
RMMD:
A distracted Frosty stares off-panel in today’s second frame, transfixed by the apparition of his musical champion, Gene Autry.
Hi and Lois:
“Ho, ho, ho! — how about if we partake in some eggnog, kids?”
MW:
“Ah, love to love you, To-Bee
Ah, love to love you, To-Bee…”
— Donna Summer (adapted)
Oh. Wait a minute. It isn’t Sunday yet.
RMMD: Buck shows off his vintage decorations coated with durable lead paint.
H&L-
Look, your dad’s trying, you ungrateful little brats.
RMMD:
“Fa la la — sugar; snow; snap; shelling; split….”
“What are those mechanical carolers trying to express, Dad?”
” ‘Let there be “peas” on earth’ !”
HtH – For the Viking production of Fury Road Lute wanted to be the guy on the
guitarlute rig, but ended up as Blood Bag instead.Blondie: “Yes! How did you know I wanted a vintage Go-Go’s 45 single record?”
RMMD. Remember that storyline, way back in the day, where that woman (I think she was a nurse with June) had a much older husband with dementia and erectile dysfunction, but she wanted to get pregnant by him and needed to figure out a way? Yeah, I don’t remember all the details either, but I do know that, if I was going to read the words “blow mold” in Rex Morgan strip, that’s the story where I thought it would happen.
Hi and Lois: Years back, on Home Improvement, with Earl Hindman playing the sagely neighbour Wilson
(who you never saw his entire face as it was obscured by the fence he always stood behind)
One episode, had Tim’s sons, the two older ones telling the younger one that Santa did not exist.
Then at the end of the episode, Santa (played by Earl Hindman) shows up, the kids are saying “What’s Wilson doing dressed up like Santa?” he gives the youngest son some presents and the older kids (because they no longer believe in him) a paper clip and a rubber band.
The parents said to each-other how nice it was for Wilson to do that for their kid, then a split second after Santa leaves, they look out to the backyard and Wilson waves to them from his yard in his regular clothes, which would have been impossible for him to get to his side of the fence in time, much less change his clothing.
Just saying, maybe that’s actually not Thirsty, but the real deal, taking Thirsty’s form as a secret test of character.
Believe kids… believe!
RMMD – “i hope the bulbs in these vintage blow molds figures are still good.”
I dunno, Buck, most of us would plug them in before setting them up, but you do you.
H&L: While most strips will just some generic pablum about coziness holiday cheer, only Hi and Lois will get into the real grit about Christmastime. Like hey: do you remember the exact moment when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? Did it happen suddenly and kind of traumatically, ending your childhood belief in magic and, in a way, your faith in goodness in the world? Anyhow, here’s a strip bringing back that moment for you. Enjoy it with a nice strong eggnog, or just leave out the mixer altogether…
H&L: I guess they decided Thirsty’s off the wagon.
S4th: Is it me, or did we get the “Dark Shadows/Collinwood/Parallel Time” crossover we didn’t know we wanted but deserved?
“Even I can recognise Mr Thurston. My eyes are not yet fully developed, but I can smell his alcoholic breath from five meters away!”
“We know who you are! And not just that you are not Santa, but that you are our bio father, because our mom is a “ho, ho, ho””
H&L: “Hey kids! Let’s all sing Santa’s take on an inescapable Christmas pop tune!”
o/ All I Want For Christmas Is BOOZE! o/
H&L: At least the panel reveals enough so that can be reassured that at least Thirsty is wearing pants.
Is it weird that without Trixie’s line, I would have thought it was Chip in the suit, not Thirsty?
RMMD: Top tip: after Halloween is over, just put a hat and gloves on your creepy skull decoration, and you’ve got a snowman!
H&L: My favourite interpretation is that this is the real Santa Claus. Thirsty’s not the only drunken slob in the world. Sometimes even magical figures come into your house reeking of cheap scotch and damp underwear.
@Morgan Wick: You ever think it’s suspicious that the Flagston kids all look nothing like Hi and exactly like their next-door neighbor?
RMMD: There’s something vaguely sinister about that Frosty’s pose, like he’s trying to pick a fight. Lousy Snowman… You think you’re better than me?
RMMD: The family is so enthralled with the decorations, they fail to notice that Hank Sr is sitting amidst them, frozen to his (vintage) lawn chair.
H&L: The kids may be innocent enough to still believe in Santa, but they’re savvy enough to know that he’s not supposed to reek of rotgut.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: [Long, awkward silence as everyone realizes there’s two days to Christmas still to go, and no story in sight]
Also Rex Morgan! Buck’s explanation is of course necessary to help readers understand that what they’re seeing are a bunch of decorations, not hallucinations.
It doesn’t help.
Luann: Okay, after seeing some comments from others more knowledgable about the animal adoption process than me (or the Evansii) I gave yesterday’s strip a pass. I’m still confused as to why this storyline is still going after Ox had his Christmas Miracle, but when the alternative is Shannon burning down B-wadoni’s home, I’ll take what I can get.
S4th: Sigh… I used to like Ronan. He was a pillar of down-to-earth realism and stability in a sometimes infuriating whirl of arrested development. How I was hoping he would say to the Forths ‘what the hell are you all talking about? Anyway, we need to get out of here *now*, I’ve just discovered a carbon monoxide leak in the kitchen. Your mother’s already in the hospital, Ted!’
But no, he’s just as mad as everyone else in this strip. I wonder if there’s some kind of contractual obligation that keeps him from introducing this kind of bull into ‘Judge Parker’…
@Hibbleton: “Okay kids, start licking!”
@Guts Dozier: It doesn’t help that they removed the bottle of “holiday spirits” he was holding. Upside-down. Broken and ready for the slashing.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I’m guessing tomorrow we see Rene in prison stripes and a tattered Santa hat gripping the bars of his cell and snarling into the camera. “I’ll get you next time, Morgan! Next time!!” Somewhere a cat yowls…
“Only one way to know. Hit the switch”. Mindy doesn’t have strong ethical principles, but on epistemology she’s a staunch empiricist!
“You’re not the real Santa.”
“We know who you are.”
“Even I can recognize Mr. Thurston.”
Hi and Lois is much better in its post-punchline phase, but also much better if you read the kids’ lines in the Bloodening voice.
@Ettorre: Mindy is also firmly committed to the idea that much like dunking a witch, the electric chair won’t hurt an innocent man.
I was surprised that someone so obsessed with old-fashioned Christmas like Buck would say “Happy Holidays”, but then I realised… could he be coded as Jewish? Making Buck Jewish would be another horrible contribution to the ugly tide of antisemitism!
@The Quiet Man: A special Rene Belluso appearance would be a very merry Christmas present for us, the readers, which is why it won’t happen.
RMMD: This is hilariously on-point. Nostalgia for trash.
GT: “How about a drink at Barney’s?”
“And flaunt my latest affair in front of Beth the bartender? You bet!”
MW: …and speaking of latest affair….”
We move to a new set of characters, who have a plan that they’re not sure will work, but that immediately does exactly how they planned it, removing any possible drama in the space of two panels. That’s our Rex Morgan!
Rex Morgan, MD: Wait, that dude’s name is Buck Wise? That is indisputably a cool dude name! How does a nebbish like him get named…
That does it! I’m calling myself Dirk Savage, and nobody can stop me!
It’s not that the kids are angry it’s not the real Santa. They get it. It’s just they remember Thirsty Santa’s gifts from last year.
Ditto looks in his stocking: “Huh? A half-empty bottle of Jim Beam?”
FC-And if there is no money in the card you don’t send them one.
Hi and Lois-The real Santa smells of better quality alcohol.
MW-I would go to an art opening. There is free food and booze.
RMMD-Join us tomorrow for the out of control that starts as a result of this.
Six Chix-Get it? You have depression year round.
Hi and Lois-The real Santa doesn’t smell of cheap gin. He smells of fine bourbon.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Grievous bottley harm!
RMMD-Moments later they start flickering and bursting into flames.
@Baja Gaijin: The second one, for sure.
RMMD: Has Corey fully transitioned now? He/she is more attractive than most of the females here. I’m glad to see little Angela? no longer has to be carried all the time. Is that an empty speech balloon beside her head? She’s either empty-headed or speechless.
MW Toby starts to show signs of her status as Patient Zero in a new bird-mediated parasite infection akin to cats’ toxoplasmosis. Just as toxoplasmosis can make (at least rodents) go from fearing to desiring the scent of cats, Toby is now jonesing for that sweet, sweet smell of parrot guano, which would explain why she sees nothing wrong with leaving the cage open and letting Sunny crap all over the apartment…
RMMD: Mold? Yuck!
Damn it, Hi and Lois, this is why you’re supposed to hire a stranger to come into your home and interact with your children instead of asking your alcoholic neighbour to… Wait. Is trying to bamboozle your kids a bad thing?
***
No joke, one of the things I appreciate about Terry Beatty’s run on Rex Morgan M.D. is the art, which is why today’s strip looks like he half-assed the whole thing. Maybe he was really pushing up against the deadline trying to figure out what hipster BS he could fit in for Christmas?
H&L – “Go to your rooms, kids. We’re about to start the intervention.”
Gil Thorp…….as the artwork continues to sink into the depths of the horrific, it took me quite a while to realize those were flowers in panel three. I thought it looked more like little people exploding through a manhole cover.
RMMD: I get the holiday cheer and all but that still doesn’t explain why Mindy is wearing a Teletubby onesie.
RMMD – “You didn’t test them before you set them up on the lawn?” “That would be the smart way. But it wouldn’t be the COWBOY way.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“I’ve been reading this book about fine food and drink”
“How is it?”
“Very informative… I found out there’s supposed to be alcohol in a gin and tonic!”
@Baja Gaijin:
The third one is the reaction to the second one.
RexMo – Wait… why did I think Buck was Jewish? I mean, even if he is, and he wants to decorate the yard, who am I to judge?
Barney Google and Sniffy Smith Spanish to English.
@Liam:
On RMMD: It goes against my love of historic buildings that still have use in the modern world, but I’m still holding out hope that the diner burns down. All those ancient, tinder-dry decorations hung over hissing, spitting, grease-covered griddles, and you *know* this is the kind of place that never cleans their grease traps. Plus the gallon-and-a-half of hairspray it must take to hold Wandawandabobondabananafanafofondamemymomonda’s beehive in place and the fact that Tractortrailer’s blood is probably 90% alcohol…
@The Quiet Man:
On why Dash’s storyline is still ongoing over in Luann : My bet would be that the Evansii have several months worth of “Dash misbehaves and humiliates the person attempting to take care of him” gags, but as the storyline went on they realised they couldn’t have the dorm part of the cast be the butt of those jokes, so they moved the storyline to the Fuze.
RMMD – A Merry Blow Mold to All!!!
H&L – A Merry Cheap Bourbon Swill to All!!!
Adios Amigos, DJ.
I’ve got a feeling a lot of the “who knows what” Thirsty’s got in that Hefty garbage bag contains alcohol!
RMMD: Mindy runs an antique store, doesn’t she? That would prevent Buck from breaking the bank on his retro Christmas display, although it figures he would swipe the best stuff for himself. I’ve heard there are Salvation Army volunteers who do the same thing during the toy drive.
“Mr. Thurston”!?
Hi and Lois-The real Santa wears pants.
Zits-Mittens made from the skin of Charlie Brown.
Dustin-A divorce?
Dustin-A pearl necklace?
H&L: “I guess that explains why Dad told us to leave pork rinds and a six-pack instead of the usual cookies and milk.”
@Peanut Gallery:
¡Claro que fue el mayordomo! Abundio lleva tiempo preparando a este chivo expiatorio.
C’shaft: Okay, so either a) Pickles kills the bird and drops it on Jeff and Pam’s bed as a present, which would be normal cat behavior but a grim and bleak Christmas episode even by Batiuk’s standards, or b) Pickles, in defiance of his nature, snuggles up beside the poor injured birdie in a holiday tableau so sentimentally soppy it makes your average Hallmark movie look like Die Hard. It’s like a Christmas episode zugzwang.
DT: Does Ozob need medical attention? He has no visible injuries except some cross-hatching on his forehead, and he’s coherent enough to hold Bogart hostage. He must have the same condition as Bruce Willis in Unbreakable.
Dustin: What did Dustmom ask for? A divorce? Please tell me she asked for a divorce.
GT: How is she holding those flowers? Is she holding them at all, or are they levitating on top of her fingertips?
JP: Sophie, this is your family we’re talking about. Buying affection is the only way they know how to get it.
Luann: “Sure, it’s okay to bring your pet dog to work in my food service establishment! I can’t think of a single legal, sanitary, safety, or logical reason why that would be a problem.”
MW: Toby’s so lame that she can’t even be a crazy cat lady, she has to be a crazy bird lady.
Hi and Lois: We can see from the clock on the mantel that it’s… well, 4 in the afternoon would be a weird time for a home visit from Santa, so it must be 4 a.m. I’m guessing the kids were too excited to sleep this close to Christmas, so they woke up early and snuck downstairs… only to find Thirsty in their living room, which he’s secretly been sleeping ever since his wife kicked him out because he got drunk while playing Santa at a party and let inappropriate ladies sit on his lap. So now he’s stuck pretending to be the real Santa, or at least desperately trying to keep the kids quiet before their parents wake up and finally call the cops on him. Of course, then he could threaten to call CPS on them, because what is their baby doing crawling around the house and playing under the Christmas tree with zero adult supervision, anyway? It’s a standoff that’s been years in the making, and we get to see it just in time for the holidays!
I think Dustmom asked for a bra. And, for her, it makes sense that it would be expensive. Those low hangers need a lot of liftin’.
@66 TheDiva: on Dustin: Dustmom asked Dustdad to get gastric bypass surgery. Or she asked for a live-in poolboy from Central America, a lithe, dark skinned, muscular beauty she’s had her eye on for a while. What? They don’t have a pool? Not a problem for Dustmom.
RMMD – wait, what kind of blow mold? Extrusion? Injection? Injection stretch? I mean, I couldn’t give a toss, but one thing I’m sure of is that Buck both cares and will expound on the subject given a chance.