Archive: Rex Morgan, M.D.

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Gil Thorp, 10/17/17

[unspoken, but shown to be true in the final panel] “…or, I could tell you, but then you’ll realize that it’s just four incredibly banal and nonspecific sentences that carry no real information and would be extremely dull to you and your listeners. I care about you, Marty, I really do. I don’t want your show to be cancelled. I know that giving you this faux-aggressive response is better for you than actually answering your question. I’m doing this for you, and the saddest thing is that I can never tell you and you can never know.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/17/17

Oh, so you think comics art forgery is boring, huh? What about, uh, fake news? Yeah, fake news! Really ripped from the headlines, huh? The real headlines! Plus, cyberbullying! This storyline is totally extremely relevant now!!!

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Mary Worth, 10/15/17

Today’s Mary Worth is mostly a hilarious rehash of a hilarious week for the Sunday crowd, but there is one new bit of information: in the first panel in the third row, Wilbur reveals that he’s so anxious and anhedonic that he needs to be intoxicated just to experience the basic levels of enjoyment that most humans normally feel when listening to music. See, we’ve all been marveling at the improbable pairing of Wilbur and Fabiana, but unlike all of you shallow people, she’s managed to look past his dweebish exterior to really understand and appreciate his thoroughly unappealing personality.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/17

Not so fast, kid: the real monster here is the masses’ ignorance of the finer points of 1950s horror comics artistry, a shameful deficit in our education system that allows online forgers to flourish. Really makes you think, doesn’t it?

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/14/17

Ugh, fine, we get it, we frickin’ get it, the both of you are upstanding and moral and would never even be able to get your incredibly righteous minds around the very idea of defrauding people for money. It’s baffling to you that anyone would possibly do this. Well, maybe I have someone who can explain the idea to you: BAD-ASS ART FORGER GUY!!!!

IT’S LIKE THIS, SQUARES:

AUTHENTICITY IS A BOURGEOIS AFFECTATION

IF YOU ENJOY THE WAY A PIECE OF ART LOOKS, WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU WHO CREATED IT?

YOU’RE FOOLING YOURSELF IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE “REAL” ART AND MY MASTERFUL REPRODUCTION

I’M HURTING NOBODY AND MAKING MAD BANK, SO SUCK IT HATERS

Anyway, several of you have suggested that our scam artist is actually Rene, who we last saw as Sarah’s art teacher/a master forger in the employ of the mob, who fled his mafioso compatriots and shaved his head and got new sunglasses. It’s totally possible! Though Rene always seemed like the nervous type? Not a true stud with ice water flowing through his veins like our villain here.

Shoe, 10/14/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because the strip prompts intrusive thoughts of this late-middle-aged bird-man contorting his creaky body so he can have acrobatic sex with his yoga instructor girlfriend, who is presumably also an anthropomorphic bird, and who we’re probably meant to envision as significantly younger than him! Oh, wait, you don’t have an awful hell-brain like mine? You say the comic didn’t prompt those images, which only arose when I suggested them? Well, too bad! Enjoy your weekend!

[leaves for a minute, but then comes back, to whisper a single word]: cloaca