We can’t all be heroes
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The Phantom, 1/25/26
Hey, remember the Sunday Phantom storyline that started like eight months ago when a city kid visiting her Wambesi country relatives crossed a mysterious and ominous boundary known to local lore? Well, a lot happened after that, and I can’t remember what happened to that kid exactly, but it turns out there’s a weird Time Travel Zone where a World War II-era German plane just kept circling by over and over again and almost crashing before disappearing until our hero flew up there and rescued the American saboteur onboard and delivered him to a modern world that will no doubt baffle and horrify him, where he’s stuck forever. “Good luck, Major Bauer!” the Ghost Who Encounters Time Travel But Doesn’t Really Understand It said, before retiring to the Chronicle Chamber and writing an entry for his successors that says “Time travel, boy, I dunno.”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/25/26
Oh, man, oh man, Rex is going to be wheeled out of eye surgery whining about how he’s been inconvenienced and then find out his kid had to have his appendix out, and he’ll know he’s not allowed to want everyone to feel sorry for him but he’s still going to want everyone to feel sorry for him. He won’t complain but I predict we’re going to see levels of Rex Morgan Pissyface scientists previously believed to be impossible.
86 replies to “We can’t all be heroes”
Whew, it’s a good thing I don’t read the Phantom on Sundays. I’m not sure my old heart could take the electrifying thrill ride of Some Guy Sitting and Writing, each and every Sunday!!
JP: Sorry, Neddy. Katherine is as we type getting as schnockered as her husband so she doesn’t have to deal with all this crap. And excuse me, Ann ‘I just got out of prison for various crimes’ Whateveryournameis, why are you getting so aggressive all of a sudden? Did you knock back a few yourself before opening the door?
MW: [sees last panel] Ewwwwwwwwww!
Luann: Yes, Luann. You are so out [of your $%@)!ing mind] that you should be in [a padded cell for society’s protection].
Phantom:
“How about if I take you for a spin in my plane and throw you for a loop, you priapic purple protagonist, you?”
“Settle down, Beryl!”
Wow. Our burgeoning comments on today’s “action” were just swelling and waiting to burst as time ticked away — you know, like the Yangtze River in Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth.
H&L OK everyone, take your pick – with a barely-toddling child, Lois gave birth in 2025 or maybe late 2024, so which medical miracle is it: the barely-possible-late-40s-birthing mother remembering her own toddler memories, or a little girl who played in the 1978 blizzard’s drifts instead of going to school broke the geriatric pregnancy records by having a healthy child well into her 50s?
RMMD That’s… not an appendicitis symptom. At best, clear barf because you keep on throwing up and have emptied your stomach is associated with appendicitis in combination with the classic localized and ongoing pain. With little Johnny eating his breakfast like normal this morning, it’s a heck of a leap to go to “appendicitis crisis mode” rather than keeping an eye on his symptoms, so I can only conclude June is already so bored waiting for Rex that she’ll take any excuse to get out of that waiting room.
Slylock – Q: “But Fiona, a female American bullfrog typically lays 20,000 eggs in a single clutch, and you’ve only got 11 tadpoles here! What happened to the other 19,989?”
A: “I’m an underachiever.”
A: “Je ne suis pas Americain, je suis Francais.”
A: “They got eaten, stupid!”
RMMD:
“The hospital? — what is it?”
“It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now!”
Sorry about the delay everybody. You ever notice that when written out “4:24 am” and “4:24 pm” look a lot of like? Something to think about
Phantom: “You know what I really miss about the 40s? The newspaper comics! Blondie, Nancy, Gasoline Alley, Dick Tracy, Mary Worth, that one about a white African superhero whose name I forget. It’s a shame they must be long out of print by now.”
RMMD: In a medical emergency, don’t Michelle, the nurse. Instead call Summer the office manager. I’m not sure if this tells us more about Michelle’s lack of medical skills or June’s lack of parenting skills.
RMMD:
“Summer — I’m going to need you to go to the house, pick up the kids and drive them to the hospital.”
“No can do — I’m filing my nails right now. Oh, and thinking about all the ways I’m going to spend the money that Augie gets from his book!”
Dennis – In the middle panel, Dennis is asking “Why are you a skin? Why are you a grotesque, uncanny-valley rendering of a human with real skin, here in my comic-strip world? Damn it, man, look at your NECK! Half the time I don’t even have a neck! My head just kind of floats in midair above my shoulders.”
Phantom: The Ghost Who Says, “Not My Chronologically Displaced Circus; Not My Time-Traveling Monkeys.”
RMMD: For those of you who were wondering if there was going to be any complications over the kids being home alone when one of them suffers an apparent medical emergency, clearly you haven’t been reading Rex Morgan long enough.
@Josh: Sounds like a Pluggers submission.
Don Abundio, translated:
“You have some amazing close-ups here”
“Oh… It’s easy to get those”
“Will you show us how?”
“Certainly!”
“In the pictures we’ll look just like real birds”
@Josh:
We thought that maybe you had gotten caught up in a warp in the fabric of space-time. Speaking strictly for myself, I hate when that happens.
RMMD: “Has he put everything in outline format? It’ll make it easier for him to generate an appendix. Honestly, I don’t know why you called me about this.”
RMMD:
“Allo, Passy Vingt-Deux-Quinze?”
“Oui, qui est a l’appareil?”
“I suppose I shouldn’t be practicing my ALM French, Mom — Johnny’s discharging some weird effluvia!”
CS: I’d say to be careful what you wish for, but I want a daily cacophony of birds to wake Crankshaft up at 4 AM.
Luann: I think we can see that Luann will require supervision for the rest of her life.
Phantom:
“In the fullness of time, perhaps you, my descendants — Phantoms yet to be — will discover more. But if you can’t tackle that weighty conundrum, maybe at least you can change the get-up that we Phantoms have to sport when we’re going about doing our business. It just doesn’t breathe, and that can be really problematic when you’re plying your trade in the jungle!”
I’m more interested in the time anomaly that took all of the Phantom’s pens and left him with nothing but a quill to write with. Because, buddy, you may choose to live and store all those tomes in a cave with no electricity or humidity control, but you can use a modern fountain pen with archival quality ink if you still want to be precious about all of this.
***
If Summer is picking up the kids there is no reason for June to put on her trench coat other than wanting to cosplay as Detective June for solving this mystery.
C’shaft: What, you thought Ed Crankshaft fed birds out of the goodness of his heart?
JP: “Guardian” implies a level of legal responsibility I’m sure Neddy doesn’t have in this situation, because it seems like the plan was “let’s just dump Charlotte on her for a few weeks and see what happens.”
Luann: Hard to find your own personal sense of style when you don’t have a personality.
MW: Oh, NOW we’re making token efforts to find the owners of lost birds?
Pluggers walk to their mailbox before remember it’s Sunday two or three times over the course of the day.
FC: After hearing the melonheads squabble with each other for an hour, punctuated by random inchoate screeching from Jeffy, the neighbors got together and bought the Keanes a less-obnoxious snowblower.
MW: The eventual breakup will be brutal. Unfortunately(?), Ian will get the worst of it.
Dustin: He could list all the movie-specific popcorn buckets. Honestly, I can see why he’d be confused about the term “bucket list” as nobody in his cohort would use it.
Jungle Jim – But Bruder was too late; Jim’s devastating speech had already had its insidious effect. Bruder’s murderous band of native outlaws were muttering among themselves, “I was proud to be a murderous native outlaw for Hawk Bruder. ‘Hawk Bruder’ is cool. But ‘Dirk Romney’? I can never hold my head up if I work for someone with a weenie name like Dirk Romney!”
Join us next week, when Kolu thinks: “Any lines for Kolu this week?”
RMMD:
“I think it’s Johnny’s appendix.”
Yeah, eating too many rotten eggs left out of the fridge overnight will do that to you.
RMMD: I’d like to think that “Glenwood Eye Care” is some kind of passive aggressive dig at some real guy named Glen known to the author or artist. Mainly because that would be more interesting than the plot.
The Phantom B-17 story made less sense than most time-travel sci fi stories. Like the plane that Diana flew up so The Who Plummets could defy death and jump/fall/glide like a brick into the B-17. Josh identified it as an incredibly stylish Art Deco French racing plane from the late 30s. WTF? I was so confused. Was Diana back in the 30s/40s? Where did The Ghost who Salvages get the Art Deco speed plane? Why wasn’t that Flaming, Accusing Skeleton of a few years ago on the B-17? Now that would have been good.
@CanuckDownSouth y145: Yeah, you’d think a nurse like June would at least ask if Johnny’s running a fever or has sharp lower abdominal pain before immediately leaping to “OMG my baby has appendicitis!” Kids puke sometimes; there’s no reason to automatically assume it’s a severe medical emergency.
@Bob Tice: #7- RMMD- ” OK,Sarah, just stay calm and listen…get the emergency contact list and look UP CHUCK’s number. He’ll know what to do.”
RMMD: Oh no! June has just heard that her unsupervised children are possibly having a medical crisis, and she can’t reach them quickly! Who’s she gonna call? A friend? A neighbor? Johnny’s biological grandparents? June’s solicitous Aunt Tildy, who obviously wants to be part of her life? Her ex-nanny Heather, who has in the past been trusted with June’s children and probably cares about them? No, June calls one of her employees. Why involve someone who genuinely cares about the boy, when you can coerce your employee to do things outside the scope of their contract for a child they’ve never met? And given the choice of two employees, Michelle or Heather, she’s obviously going to call not the one who has actual medical expertise, but the office manager.
Wary Morth:
“Me gustas”?
What does that mean? “I’m tasty”?
Ian will be happy to find out!
_____________________________
This is just the start.
The Brazilian Portuguese speaking third parrot, Fabio, will arrive in late February.
The German speaking fourth parrot, Marta, will turn up on the first of April.
It’ll be December by the time the Mandarin speaking tenth parrot, Mingming, flies through Toby’s window.
Wrecks Moregone:
“Who’s Johnny Sapendix?”
RMMD: “No, the regular hospital is fine. Daddy’s not on duty.”
Luann:
What next, she’ll try on her mum’s cosmetics like the five year old she is?
MW- (As) If anyone’s interested, Google “Surrenderd Parrots.” Some good info.
Meaning of Lila:
I unironically like this strip a lot. It’s like what Luann would be if Luann grew up and stopped being a mental 5 year old, but still had to adjust to the realities of the adult world.
Hi and Lois-“78? How old do you think I am?”
MW-And so instead of ending it when it should have this story is going to limp along for another month.
RMMD-Not just throwing up is a sign of appendicitis. There is also pain involved. The first sign for me was a throbbing pain nothing serious at first but if felt like a bloating feeling.
RMMD-When I had appendicitis I threw up everything I ate or drank.
@CanuckDownSouth: RMMD; June just wants the kid sliced open so she has an excuse to avoid being around Rex.
JP-Am I the only one who noticed that Neddy‘s name was spelled Needy in panel one after the splash? Or is that how it’s always spelled? Too lazy to check .
@taig: Agree. (I’ve done something like that myself. Fortunately, my internal clock and aging bladder got me up at the right time. Whaddya mean I might be a Plugger? No! You’re the Plugger! You’re the Plugger!)
Arlo & Janis: Nice bit of fourth-wall going on today. This is what you do with the allotted space available and also non-story-arc needs of a Sunday strip.
RMMD: “Is it something really serious, Mom? I figured he puked because he ate two packages of Oreos and that Brillo pad.”
@The Quiet Man: MW: Just makes you want to scream “PARROTS DON’T WORK THAT WAY!!!”‘ doesn’t it?
Jumpin’ Jungle Jiminy: Pretty accommodating of Bruder’s henchmen to let Kolu keep his stylish turban on while the ants devour his face.
Bungle in the Jungle Jim: That’s right, Jim. Blame the Arabs, you Islamophobe.
Phantom:
“Of course, when you think about it, the very reference to ‘the fullness of time’ in what I just wrote illustrates the very nature of the problem here, because if someone from 1936 is able to show up in 2006-07, and someone from 1945 is able to show up in 2025-26. without explanation, we don’t even know what ‘time’ is to be able to know whether it’s ‘full’ or not. So I’m not sure why it is I just wrote what I did. Here, let me just cross it out — that’s better!”
@UncleJeff: I too have done something like that. As a GenXer, I don’t think of myself as a Plugger, but it seems time is doing its inexorable thing.
Luann: P1: Basic rule of comic strips people, never remind readers of a better strip. Sheesh.
The Ghost Who Scribbles — Note the regularity of the script–is the Phantom blocked and just writing “All work and no play makes Kit a dull boy?”
RMMD — That’s a remarkably quick and precise diagnosis based on the symptoms described by a child.
@ValdVin: That made me laugh.
I put the Mary Worth Sunday quotevestigations in abeyance after a couple months straight of confirmed ones, but what is this? I can’t find the exact source but Sue Zhao seems to be a Tumblr poet and this sure sounds like Tumblr poetry. Can we get back to Sephiroth quotes wrongly attributed to history’s worst reactionaries?
THE PHANTOM: The idea of a man from 1945 getting used to today’s world–with TV, rock & roll, feminism, Third World independence, climate change and computers–is too interesting for this strip…
It’s good that June is a trained medical professional, because if my young son were throwing up a weird colored liquid after being left in the supervision of my twelve-year-old daughter with a TBI, I’d assume he had gotten into the cleaning supplies.
@Ukulele Ike: #43 RMMD- Doesn’t really matter much…just as long as June can get back to her book…”The complete works of RAAAALPH Waldo Emerson”.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Pretty fancy of Hawk and his stooges to pour molasses over their heads, considering the tariffs on the cane-producing islands. A more cost-conscious white slaver would rely on locally-produced sweeteners like sorghum, cassava, date syrup, or baobab fruit pulp.
[ok weird existential question: how old is Sarah Morgan? last we heard she was nine years old in 2021 but I don’t think she’s aged a year per year since then. also I had the thought “I miss Kyle Vidpa” which is when you know it’s bad]
RM: At the hospital, the staff mistakenly switches R. Morgan for J. Morgan, and Johnny ends up having cataract surgery as Rex gets the appendectomy.
The Phantom – The Phantom is letting fans of the Marvel Cinematic Universe know that this comic, too, has some made-up and not entirely consistent rules on time and time travel. But they also keep consistent memory of 20 year-old storylines.
So why not join The Phantom for a nice refresh from the overconvulated and kind of boring MCU?
Rex Morgan, MD – Rex is going to come out from eye surgery cured of his cataract. Despite not being recovered from the surgery, he will cast medical ethics aside and operate on his own child, not out of love, but out of pride. Sure, he’s complicating an otherwise routine surgery, but Rex cannot suffer the indignity of being operated on without doing some operating himself to balance the scales.
@matt w: two Sundays ago, they had a “Sarah draws her diary” episode with her as 13-and-a-half. Which makes me wonder whether the writer has met any teens and tweens lately, because she barely acts 9 or 10.
Rex Morgan: Why is that Glenwood Eye Care sign so ridiculously big? Because it feels good to know you can pass the exam on the way in!
Hi and Lois: “Remember the blizzard of ’78?” “What a disaster.” Geez, millennials really can’t do math!
Blondie: A federal employee misusing the power of his position just for kicks? Yep, that checks out — but how ’bout you leave the political humor for Doonesbury and get back to sandwich jokes?
Dennis the Menace: “Around here, you’re innocent until proven guilty,” says the friendly local cop to Dennis. “So buck up — you’ve probably got nearly ten more years of childhood before I’ll have to take you in!”
Pluggers: I suppose the joke here is that this plugger went to get the mail and forgot it was Sunday — but I’d say the plugger-iest part is that he thinks the distance from his front door to the end of his driveway is a “lengthy walk.” (Still, I guess we should be happy that he made the trek in something other than an open bathrobe and slippers.)
@matt w: Especially because a day ago he was pining for a surgery of his very own. I’d suspect “making himself throw up to get my very own doctor’s visit” before “appendix exploded!”
@Josh: The current Rex Morgan storyline is a reminder that men in their prime can also have cataracts. What? No need to get all pissyfaced.
JP: Neddy, how about answering jailbait Ann’s interrogation with, “I’m the sister of the woman who cleared you of a murder rap, that’s who, bitch.”
MW: Ms. Moy, end this story quick. Wilbur is getting impatient to start his story.
Slylock shouldn’t be looking for the pollywogs. He should be helping the photographer find his skedaddles.
Marvin – I suppose it’s better that Jeff found Jenny in bed with a headache rather than another man again.
Pluggers – Dick Hoff? In Felton? Really? I suppose the only one better in the town is his brother Jack.
When I was once bloated and had stabbing pains in my stomach, Madame Ovary thought I needed my appendix out and was going to take me to the hospital. I didn’t want to go. Instead, she went out and bought a bottle of Mylanta. I chugged some and started farting, chasing her out of the room. Soon I felt better. So obviously the Mylanta had dissolved my appendix, allowing it to be expelled in gaseous form. They don’t teach those kinds of things to Rex in medical school.
SFx: Aren’t female American bullfrogs called “cowfrogs?”
@Ukulele Ike:
Is “ate a Brillo pad” a euphemism for Johnny going down on Sarah?
Phantom – Wambesiland is the best darn land – from the spooky sky to the haunted jungles – this land was made for Devil Dog and me!*
* Sung in the Bandar tongue to the tune of the Green Acres theme song….
RMMD – Johnny’s been into that bottle of Popov vodka again….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD: Johnny stops vomiting when his stomach empties while Michael gets carsick and throws up on the drive to the hospital. A confused Summer insists both boys get surgery just to be safe.
If you’ve been following the news in my hometown, you may have seen that the governor of Oklahoma has questioned what is going on with ICE. His name? Kevin’s Tit.
“Stupid kid! We shouldn’t have brought in our family that genetic defective kid! Wait. Is Johnny the biological child or the adopted child? Maybe I should check, but it’s such a bother!”
This is a learning experience for Johnny! He will be forced to reckon that he is suffering and risking his life for a body part that has no real benefit! Great way to debunk intelligent design!
GleenwoodEyeCare
RexEyeDont
@CanuckDownSouth: I think you’re on to something.
I was so hoping this iteration of Flash Gordon would leave out Ming and concentrate on a society trying to right itself after the dictator is overthrown. Alas, it looks as though the nostalgia for the Evil Ruler is going recycle the Flash-versus-Ming trope all over again. I guess there’s still room for a twist that the Ming we see is an illusion, a hologram or someone is playing Dictator, but I’m not optimistic.
When I had cataract surgery — on both eyes, weeks apart — I went into the hospital, not a suburban mall clinic. Maybe that’s ’cause my left cataract was so dense they couldn’t see the back of my eyeball, but I’m kinda glad they took no chances and sent me to a bona fide hospital, not some temporary concourse-fronted, back-alley broom closet.
@Ettorre: “Glenwood Eye Care stinks! I’m taking my business across the street, to C.F. Eye Care!”
“Fine. See if I care.”
“That’s what I said!”
“What’s what you said?”
“C.F. Eye Care.”
“No, that’s what I said.”
“I said it first!”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: The governor of Vermont just spoke out against DHS as well. His name is Phil’s Cot, which I assume is some sort of Montpelier political casting couch.
@Peanut Gallery:
Now, that’s what I call “vitreous humor”!
I’m thinking today’s H & L has to be a rerun from the ’90s or something. Even so, someone needs to change “blizzard of ’78” to “Blizzard of ’03”.
Speaking of reruns, today’s Blondie, while technically not a rerun (as far as I can tell), completely reuses a joke from a 2020 strip.
As for RMMD, Summer’s gonna be thrilled when it turns out Johnny just has a bug going around, and now he’s barfed all over the floor of her car, and now she’s going to be barfing later this week. Thanks a bunch, June.
@Ettorre: I thought recent studies were increasingly solidifying the evidence that it works to refresh the good gut bacteria after various gut diseases/ diarrhea. Less important now than in the past, but like the “you can live without it” spleen it still has uses.
RMMD: I have another exspleenation for Johnny’s condition.
Man, this kid WILL NOT rest until he has surgery. One day, he will make a creator of insane-o weird porn somewhat slightly better off, financially!
JP – @Unca Bob: I noticed that, too. Autocorrect always changes Neddy to Needy for me – maybe that’s what happened here, although I thought that lettering was done by hand.
Pluggers – I call BS. If his driveway were twenty-five feet long, he’d drive from the garage to the mailbox. There’s no way he’d walk a long driveway.
9CL – Well, hideous, Nazi boinking Grandma is still alive. And probably still boinking the Austrian opera singer.
Mary Worth – Attention: just because I barfed doesn’t mean that I have appendicitis. It was the most appropriate reaction to this dreck.
REX MORGAN M.D.: June: “Oh and do be a good dear and pick up my dry-cleaning on the way would you, love? I mean the the sheer directness with which I commanded you to do this non-medical-receptionist task for children means I have the authority to fucking talk to you like you’re my personal servant right?”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Maybe June should just use her fabulous leaping skills to head home quickly, given how far she can jump to conclusions. (Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot that Sarah mentioned that his puke was a “weird color” and not the acceptable shade people usually tolerate vomit. My bad.)
DtM – I’m disappointed Terrifying Ventriloquist-Doll-Faced Cop wasn’t up for topic today. I mean, the bloody, hanging skins of the Mitchell family seems a kinda fitting end for this strip, no?