Things that are and are not new
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Blondie, 1/28/26
Oh, man, I was all ready to go on a riff about how this is clearly a joke about the idea of a celebrity “hall pass,” e.g., the idea that a monogamous couple would give permission to each other to sleep with specific celebrity crushes, safe in the knowledge that it’s never going to actually happen, but then got sanitized down to the idea of “dining” with a celebrity, even though “dining” is transparently not what this is about, but then I got to the last panel and discovered that the Blondie brain trust is aware of the existence of Sydney Sweeney, and I’m sorry, that’s way too contemporary a reference. Nobody in Blondie should know about anything that’s happened after, oh, let’s say, 2013. “Is Emily Ratajkowski on their list?” is a punchline I’ll allow for this one. Anyone newer than that? No thanks.
Mark Trail, 1/28/26
Speaking of things that are and are not new, what about nature? Pretty old, right? Old and boring? It’s existed for billions of years? Well what about phones though? What if there were a nature crisis … about kids and phones, and kids stealing each other’s nature photography, via phones? That’d be pretty cutting edge, right? The perfect mix of the old and the new? A falcon, right there on your phone? Mark Trail is going to have to punch file metadata by the end of this somehow?
74 replies to “Things that are and are not new”
Is Sydney Sweeney on their list? Not for sex, as you well know my only lust is for gorging myself on food. But as an enduring pastiche of a 50s that never existed, I’m extremely interested in her advertising career.
Mark Trail:
“Apparently they concluded that Robbie took the picture because my own photography skills are a little Rusty!”
“More importantly, is there any way Sydney Sweeney could be made out of sandwiches?” is the sadly inevitable next line, here. It’s okay, Blondie, we know what we’re reading.
Mark Trail:
“That photo was the result of my own ‘peregrination’ into the woods! So to speak.”
Blondie: Many of these starlets have serious eating disorders which should be right up Dagwood’s alley. In fact, I would be very surprised if he didn’t already have a list divided into bulimics and purgers.
Mark Trail:
Rusty looks like a cross between Marine Boy and Luann in today’s first panel.
Blondie: “By the way…is Cronut on the list?
BLONDIE: I can sooner see Dagwood dining with Sweeney Todd.
MW: Ian decides that two birds in the hand are worth his wife and her…no, I can’t go through with it.
Phantom:
“Say, Your Ominpotent Mauveness, what do you say the three of us make a little coin by collaborating on an adaptation of Stravinsky’s ‘Volga Boatmen’ called ‘Zumaridi Muckmen’ ?”
@nescio: “ (forgot the end quote)
Robbie regrets taking those Quaaludes before the merit badge ceremony, but only briefly. Getting patted on the shoulder rules, man. And Rusty’s turning into a guy from DragonBall. Merit badge ceremonies sure sucked without Quaaludes, right?
Blondie Amazing that Blondie managed to find a very current celeb piece in what looks like a Time magazine from 1933.
Mark Trail:
“I’ve got it! — I’ll sue the filching little twerp for infringing my common law copyright interest in the photo! That will earn me a scout’s badge!”
Blondie: Spoilers for THE HOUSEMAID (2025), but I’m willing to bet any money that this strip came about when the Blondie creative team watched that film, saw the scene where Sweeney declares “I need a fucking sandwich” and proceeds to make and devour an enormous sandwich, and felt a strange powerful libidinal urge that they could only sublimate through their sandwich-sexual comic character.
Mark Trail: I was worried when Rivera took over and started writing Rusty as an actual Gen Z kid that he might get too cool and hip, but I’m delighted to announce that “A new Scout badge? Oh, I hope it’s me. I’m top-class in the Scouts.” is a thought bubble so square and perfectly Rusty-esque that even “More information about licorice can be found on the internet“-era Mark would tell him to loosen up a bit.
GT – is the writer trolling the artist’s huge and mishapen jaws with that “chin up”?
Blondie:
Sydney would no doubt be attracted to Dagwood’s raffish coiffure, redolent, as it is, of The Three Stooges’ Larry Fine’s own ‘do.
(gritting my teeth, crying) I just noticed Dagwood’s donut pajamas and that’s a pretty good joke.
I’ve never even heard of Sydney Sweeney.
Am I… more out of touch than the Blondie creative time?
Blondie:
The survey Blondie saw is right after the Cosmo article she just read, titled “What to Do When His Hair Sticks Out in Ridiculously Goofy Ways.”
Anyway, was about to riff on how food plays the role in Dagwood’s libidinal economy that sex does for most people, and then I realized; Blondie regularly makes food for other people and gets paid for it. The fusty legacy comic strip Blondie is running the filthiest cuck fantasy in history right before our eyes and we didn’t even notice.
MT: Do kids even do scouting anymore? Or view merit badges as something to aspire to? Even when I was a kid, it was considered dorky.
CS: Is this supposed to be a roast? The only joke happening here is that Dinkle apparently arranged for an entire band and orchestra to perform “99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall,” so Ed could smirk at the camera. Are they going to perform all 99 verses? I’ll allow it only if tomorrow’s strip better is Crankshaft setting the venue on fire, or murdering them all.
Luann: So now Tara and Les are going to hook up? Sure, why not? Or make failure interesting somehow.
Pluggers are hoarders.
MT: Is it an optical illusion, or does Robbie’s cowlick actually grow larger the further away he is?
@Banana Jr. 6000: That should say “if the entire world of Luann is going to be about Luann finding a man, but she can never actually do that because Failure Is The Only Option, then the Evanses need to stop hooking up other characters. Or they need to make failure interesting somehow.”
Dining IS sex for Dagwood.
RMMD Based on the drawing of Johnny on the couch, that’s not appendicitis, it’s rapid-onset progeria!
GT Wait – yesterday was supposed to show Gerads whispering in Emily’s ear to taunt her? I wonder if Jami or Keri inherited her third-ear-on-the-crown-of-the-head mutation.
@Schroduck: I was going to speculate that Dagwood was attracted to her appearance on Hot Ones, but that sandwich is IT.
I suppose we should all thank our lucky stars Blondie didn’t decide to do “F*ck-Marry-Kill.” With sandwiches.
Phantom:
“Gents, let me conclude this polemic-infused tete-a-tete by serenading you with an adapted closing number from The Carol Burnett Show: ‘I’m so glad we had this time together/Just to have a gasp or zing a wrong/Seems we just got started, and before you know it/Comes the time we have to say “So long.” ‘ ”
SMASH WHOMP GRRR WHAM
I am really really angry that Mary Worth is trying to run a storyline where Ian Cameron realizes he’s a pompous ass and tries to reform. Stop ruining things!
@Banana Jr. 6000: re MT: There’s plenty of scouting, but the one year we tried out Cubs the kids were excited for activities/events like the pinewood derby, not random badge earning. I suspect gunning for badges for their own sake would be considered pretty dorky
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Blondie-Tuesday Chix crossover when
Also Blondie: Listen, Dagwood discovering the joys of milk is no joke.
@CanuckDownSouth: I remember Pinewood Derby being a big deal (and fun). But for the most part it was a lot of meetings, study, and not-that-exciting activities. Maybe it was fun if you were into outdoorsmanship, but I wasn’t. Plus the whole military-style hierarchy that some kids let go to their head.
@matt w: Ordinarily I’d say “Tuesday,” but here we are, a day later and none the wiser (because we’re still reading Blondie).
Mark Trail: Depends. Does metadata have a beard?
Also Mark Trail!
Is Blondie dipping its toe into becoming a political strip with all the contemporary controversy this week? Yesterday was abusive workplaces, today is… Wait. No. Look at Blondie. Dagwood just has a type.
***
Dumb kid. Don’t straight up steal a photo like some sort of noob. Just do it the roundabout way with generative AI like everyone else these days.
RMMD: [Man enters and immediately collapses on the couch]
“OMG! Now the Uber driver has it too!”
JP: Can we just ‘and so…’ our way to the inevitable alcohol-induced heart attack and thence to the funeral?
RMMD: With those little bubbles floating above him, apparently Blonde Tow-Headed Boy got into the liquor cabinet and is suffering from a hangover. [sniff] They grow up so fast!
@The Rambling Otter: Consider yourself lucky, there was a very *very* stupid controversy a few months ago about a commerical she made for jeans that encapsulates just why people refer to this as the ‘worst possible reality’.
Blondie – Enormous boobs versus enormous sandwiches – why choose – Loweezy Smif gets you both….
MT – I got my Tic-Toc badge….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD-Where’s the pain? If this is appendicitis then there is pain.
MW-Toby then pulls down a ski mask. “Now let’s rob this restaurant!”
FC-“Look, Dolly! Smoke signals!”
It’s kind of funny in a way.
Shortly after reading today’s blog/Mark Trail. I was reading an Archie comic, where there was an Ice Fishing contest.
Long story short, Archie slipped on the ice, slid into Moose who ends up accidentally dropping the fish he had caught back into the water. Moose threatens to beat up Archie if he doesn’t give him the fish he had caught, to compensate for the ones Moose had lost.
Turns out, Archie had already caught the biggest fish, so Moose with his fish won the contest.
Moose did credit Archie although in a roundabout way.
I know Blondie is supposed to be a nice suburban housewife and all but geez lady. There are easier ways to initiate cunnilingus.
@Banana Jr. 6000: RE:MT: It would make sense of Rusty fawning all over it, though
Blondie:
“Is Sylvia Scarlett on that list?”
“You’re getting your S’s mixed up. No more Katharine Hepburn film festivals for you.”
GT: “Your team did adequate, Mother”? Someone really wants to lead the cheer squad.
H&L: I’m old enough to remember when comic infants were addicted to CRT TVs with rabbit ears.
RMMD Does the Comics Code prohibit drawing a barf bucket next to the couch, or is the next upchuck just going on the floor?
Mark Trail: In the new era of Mark Trail, Rusty has a certain amount of agency, and Mark is self-aware enough that I no longer think he would punch an unrighteous child.
One look at Robbie’s smug, punchable face, and I like to think Rusty knows what he has to do.
(Cut to: three weeks later, Rusty disposing of Robbie’s body at the pig farm)
NO RUSTY! THIS WAS NOT WHAT YOU HAD TO DO!
Haven’t seen Mark Trail in awhile. Pleasantly surprised to see that the art is up to the level of a moderately talented 10 year old.
Dagwood, as he’s married to Blondie, is thus canonically a boob man. Today’s strip tracks.
@Schroduck, Blondie: If that’s the case, that’s mad props for a very deep cut, and not for “Lemme check out Interwebz Nooz and find a popular actress who’s attractive enough to for a dinner date.”
@Liam, RMMD: That’s from the people reading the comic strip.
Waldorf and Statler chortling
Blondie: I’m very disappointed the punchline wasn’t, “What restaurant would we be eating at?”
MT: My knowledge of scouting is limited to a few years as a Brownie mumble-mumble years ago, but don’t you have to do certain activities and/or demonstrate certain skills in order to earn merit badges? In other words, this is definitely not something that you’d hear your scout master announce and think, “Gee, I bet it’s me! What a nice surprise!”
MT – You’d think Rusty would know by now that Boy Scout badges are not just handed out as a compliment for whatever you’ve happened to do, like the People’s Choice Awards. You have to do something specifically intended to earn a badge. So, more like the Oscars.
I am not sure that the conversation in today’s Dustin makes any sense, but the important thing is, the sister is being horrible without suffering any consequences. This family puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional”.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hey bud, you want a hot tip?”
“Sure”
“I placed a lot of bets at these windows before it finally hit me”
“Where’s the damn racetrack?”
[Signs: TELLER]
C’shaft: It’s almost cute that Batiuk’s idea of the sort of mischief high school students get up to on long bus trips is limited to endless renditions of “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
DT: Dang it, Mr. Mirror! You could have made a clean getaway if you weren’t screaming like that!
Dustin: Okay, I’ll give Meg this one. In fact, she’s probably smarter than her dad now.
JP: Geez, Alan, you need to blend your Grecian Formula better. If Pepe le Pew walked in he’d start sexually harassing your head.
MW: Yes, when I think of equally balanced partnerships, I think of an aging college professor coasting on tenure and his trophy wife who hangs out at their condo all day with the resident busybody.
Phantom: The Ghost Who Gives Villains a Stern Talking-To
Pluggers are at least making things easier for the relatives who will have to clean out their house after they die.
Blondie: I get the choice of hot actress Sydney Sweeney. As Dagwood knows, she just started her own lingerie brand — so she could afford to buy him one heck of a fancy roast beef dinner.
Mark Trail: Of course this kid has to steal other people’s photos. He and his dad don’t even realize that when you make a self-congratulatory video, there needs to be some kind of camera recording it.
Mary Worth: “Thanks for forgiving me for wanting a clean home free of large birds pooping in my shoes, Toby! If Mary has taught me anything, it’s that my normal, rational thoughts and desires are always wrong.” “I’m glad to hear that, Ian… because I just adopted three cats and a monkey. It’s going to be great!”
FC: “Look, Dolly! I can see my voice.”
“Ugh, Jeffy. I can smell your voice.”
Pluggers keep storage containers around in case they’re useful. No one else does that.
Mark Trail:
“I’ll lead that anthropomorphized little Ken Doll into the middle of a nest of boa constrictors! — let’s see the puerile guttersnipe photograph that!”
Obviously, Dagwood means Sydney Sweeney of 1931’s hottest all-female double act, Sweeney & Rabinowitz.
RMMD: Today’s the role of Johnny will be played by Hank Hill’s buddy Boomhower.
Josh got it wrong. Blondie is not saying “dining” as a euphemism for sex but because she knows that for Dagwood orgasmic pleasure does not come from rubbing genitals against each other but from taking part in massive consumption of food
@Rube: #58: That’s because the rest of us are saving old soda bottles and Mason jars for our basement meth labs, when we’re not at the track touting racehorses.
FC: Jeffy, we can also see your farts so please stay downwind.
Rusty should only get a badge when he finally learns that public institution are dominated by nepotism and that you should cut out toxic friends like Robbie
Oh, God. Johnny tried to remove his own spleen, didn’t he? That’s…terrible?
And thank you Meg. In case anyone had the slightest doubt the Kudlicks are all so deeply punchable.
“And Bobby, my other son, has received his ‘Aircraft Spotting’ merit badge with this excellent picture of an F-16 Falcon. Also Timmy, my other son, gets his ‘Automobile Photography’ merit badge for this action shot of a Ford Falcon plowing into a school bus. And Jimmy, my other son, has earned the ‘Sports Mascots’ merit badge for this photo of the Atlanta Falcons mascot in a dive bar in Greenbriar. Rusty, no merit badges for you until you reconsider that adoption proposal!”
Frazz – Stop encouraging the insufferable little shit.
JP – A few years ago Alan was a national hero for saving a person who was threatening to jump off a building. Now he has alcohol induced delusions and can barely function. How the mighty have fallen.
Mary Worth – *Eye roll* *Head desk* *Barf*
Pluggers – We used to go to the State Store when we needed boxes. Liquor boxes are sturdy and clean. Pennsylvania’s state run liquor stores are good for something.
9CL – Yes, parents are well known for telling their children about everywhere they’ve boinked. Polly should already know this if she read Amos’s “Dear Little One(s)” letters about how hot their mother is.
Wrecks Moregone:
I wouldn’t feel great either if I were six (?) years old and suddenly found myself transformed into a 50 year old man.
________________________________
Wary Morth:
This is the moment Sunny and Rosie have been waiting for. Peck Pompous Axx and Drunken Axx, Sunny and Rosie! Peck ’em! Chirp! Squawk! Ha ha ha!
@Guillermo el chiclero:
Jeffy is Pumbaa?
Blondie-I don’t think Dagwood understands what “eating out” implies.
Marmaduke-How lovely. The mailman brought Marmaduke a treat.
9CL-“The people at that funeral really hated us.”
9CL-“There was that time your Mother honeymooned me in the ass.”
MT – Well Rusty, it looks like you should’ve gotten the merit badge in Copyright & Trademark.