Walker-Browne Tuesday (warfighters only)
Post Content
Hagar the Horrible, 3/24/26
I make a lot of jokes on this blog parsing various anachronistic clues trying to figure out where Hagar and his crew are plundering and pillaging at any given time, but … it’s generally France, right? Like, that’s where Norse raiders mostly went in real life, descending on a civilization on the Continent that was wealthier and more advanced than theirs but that had begun to politically unravel as the heirs of Charlemagne fought each other for territory. Today we see a surprising result of this type of cultural contact: one of Hagar’s men, who apparently was getting off on what he thought was an act of sexual dominance over the regional nobility to match his warband’s military success, is clearly devastated to learn that he’s become entangled in what the locals refer to as “an arrangement.”
Beetle Bailey, 3/24/26
This strip actually got me to look up what the experience of a limb “falling asleep” actually is, and I thought it had to do with blood flow but apparently it primarily arises from nerve compression that just cuts off sensation from the affected area altogether. And Beetle is like, wouldn’t it be great if my whole body was cut off from my brain completely? If I were nothing but a pure mind, untethered to physical existence? Killer’s facial expression is appropriate: he is not buying this and neither am I.
64 replies to “Walker-Browne Tuesday (warfighters only)”
Ah, just brings back fond memories of all those youthful days you spent, sitting with your pal, back-to-back, against a tree. In the woods. Nothin’ like a good tree-sitting, I says. Hey, if you didn’t want my stories, there were plenty of other seats on the bus!
B. Bailey: Killer wants Beetle to chill as the heroin high starts to work its way through their bodies.
So is Sven cool for being a Misfits fan, lame for donning Punisher gear, or awful for unrepentantly shilling for the SS? Discuss!
Beetle Bailey : the sensation DID end up spreading to all of his body, because it was actually the effect of the venom of a creature that had just bit him.
Beetle Bailey’s gonna die, is where I’m getting at.
***********
Crankshaft : “Actually, Crankshaft, I’m pretty sure it ISN’T good. Well, that’s the impression that I get.”
***********
Dustin : On one hand, didn’t DustinDad use to have this Frazz-esque obsession with bicycling, and they went out of his way to portray him as a dude who regularly exercises at the gym (to make him look superior to his useless son)? On the other hand, good on Ed Kudlick to realise what would happen to him if he ever slightly exerted himself, the fat sack of crap.
************
Hagar the Horrible : Josh, you’re seeing it as if this strip still bothered being remotely historically accurate. It doesn’t even bother being consistent on the “savage barbarian vs castle knights” motif anymore. “The Duke” from Hagar is just basically what Chester Crabtree from Moose & Molly would be like if they never gave the character a name (or a consistent character design).
HtH The duke with the giant pink castle wasn’t too concerned about someone making time with his wife? I mean, I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but…
BB So….heroin? I don’t think it actually exists in the Family Friendly Walkerverse but that’s clearly what this soldier is angling for.
Luann Which climbing wall experience should it be? The bouldering one with a laughably-inadequate tiny falling mat zone that wouldn’t be up to code for a preschool playground, or the spatial dimensions nightmare that somehow sprouts up from well below the floor requiring either a hidden no-railing hole to a basement level, or a floor tortured to a near-vertical drop between it and the bouldering zone.
GT Keri: How dare my mom be actually competent at her job!
Luann Which climbing wall experience should it be? The bouldering one with a laughably-inadequate tiny falling mat zone that wouldn’t be up to code for a preschool playground, or the spatial dimensions nightmare that somehow sprouts up from well below the floor requiring either a hidden no-railing hole to a basement level, or a floor tormented to a near-vertical drop between it and the bouldering zone.
GT Keri: How dare my mom be actually competent at her job!
MW: Even Harv’s dead wife is rolling her eyes and smirking from the framed photo on the wall, as she watches him blow their life savings. “He was never smart about money,” she recalls.
Hagar the Horrible:
“Dot-dot-dot! Dash-dash-dash!”
“What in the world are you doing, Hagar?!?”
“I’m speaking in Norse code!”
Hagar:
“Let’s distract the Duke with some Icelandic word play, Hagar!”
“Okay, I’m game. Go for it.”
“Okay. Hey, Duke! — what call does a Reykjavikian child make to their mom and dad for a bedtime story that also reminds them of the nutritional need to eat vegetables?”
“I give up, Sven.”
” ‘Edda, Mommy!’ “
Hagar: it’s rare to be able to date a Hagar comic so precisely, but this is 1643, middle of the English Civil War, and Hagar is just about to join Horatio Carey’s regiment in attacking the forces of the Earl of Essex.
Mary Worth:
“Goodness! — this thing is certainly difficult to read when you’re holding it upside down!”
Is a new named Hagar the Horrible character? Has “Sven” been given a name before? I hope he becomes reoccurring, easily recognizable because of his skull shirt. Sven the Lover, eternal victim of his own romantic success.
Pluggers: As interpretations of this panel go, “Plugger’s procrastinate” doesn’t really land as a joke. “Pluggers sit in a car for three weeks, starving and accumulating filth as they twiddle with buttons, repeatedly overshooting the correct time and have to start over and over and over and over again” doesn’t really land either, but as the less charitable take I’m going with it.
RxMD: No actress in the history of Hollywood has ever gained weight! Lorna’s plan is foolproof!
You think the people writing Beetle Bailey jokes actually understand human biology? They probably think that feet literally fall asleep because they are tired and dreaming.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Hey, remember when Mud lost weight, started using his real name, and even got a hair and wardrobe change and fooled all of zero people with his “new image”?
Lorna/Mae Mae’s plan is foolproof is what I’m saying. ?
HtH: From the look of him, Sven actually thought he was joining a biker gang called “The Vikings.” Imagine his disappointment!
MW: Even in the family photos from decades ago, he’s still wearing a day cravat. Forget the scam, this should be the focus of the intervention.
HtH: Please tell me I’m not the only one who read that as “Tuink…Tuink…”
Zits: Soon Jeremy will change his name to Dustin.
Marvin: They have to keep the windows completely open in the house or they’ll suffocate on the noxious fumes from Marvin.
Family Circus: I’ve always found it disturbing that one of their dogs is named Barfy and the writers keep reminding us that the dog is named Barfy.
DT: Well, that gets my goat.
FG: “Hello, yes, I have three skels who need torturing.”
Phantom: ”Before you CHARGE IN, make sure you have firm BACKUP, Lucky Pierre!”
Unutterable FILTH. How do they get these past the censor?
BB — They say if you sit under the bodhi tree long enough, you can escape the world of Sargesara. . .
@pugfuggly:
Interesting that we both think heroin is carrying a lot of water in Camp Swampy.
GA: as long as this arc is continuing, I wonder if it my ght really be the writers sayonara to 125-year-old Walt Wallet. Two options:
– he really did die and really is mistaking hell for heaven
– he’s just asleep or in a coma and will waken to see “heaven” looks exactly like Gasoline Alley
The duchess being a groupie who saw Sven performing with his Norwegian death metal band is the best way to explain both how they met and Sven’s shirt.
***
That sure is one judgmental look coming from someone who is also sitting down against a tree alongside Beetle.
FC: Looks like PJ fell victim to the Solomon method of determining parenthood. I wonder who got the lower half?
@CanuckDownSouth: It would help if we had any clue what Tara is trying to accomplish here. Is “5.8 then slab routes,” whatever that means, what she normally does? Or is this some impossible routine designed to humiliate Les? It looks like he’s chosen the easiest thing he can find, and Tara is going along with this.
“You’re a plugger if it takes you six months to finally adjust the clock in your vehicle for daylight saving time” would have been funnier.
RMMD: A cup of joe, a cube of brown, and y’all makes for Mud heaven.
BB:
I don’t think I’ve ever liked the feeling of my foot falling asleep enough to wish it would spread to the rest of my body. Except for my penis of course. I wouldn’t mind if it tingled a little.
Genuinely funny work, Browne Creative Enterprises! Best Hagar the Horrible in ages! But…
I’d never noticed how much Sven looks like Bart Simpson’s bully, Jimbo Jones. Do you think this is an ancestral situation, or more of a “thanks to time travel, I am my own grandpa” thing?
The rightmost tower on that castle is a dick, though, right? The duke is boasting that his is bigger?
And once again, Beetle Bailey reaches into the Uniform Code of Military Justice as our titular E-1 violates Article 83 (malingering) and continues, against all odds, to violate Article 104a (fraudulent enlistment). Since the Court Martial can’t reduce an E-1 in rank, we can only hope for a long term of imprisonment, a fine, and/or death. And given that the strip started as a college strip, has worn out its welcome as an Army strip, maybe it’s time to switch over to a prison strip. Leavenworth, featuring Beetle Bailey, your time has come.
BB- if numbness is due to nerve compression, thanks to Sarge’s weekly pummeling, Beetle has been numb since 1973
I got it! Sven! You look like you would have been a cool guy sometime around the 1990s, which is extremely current for the funny pages. You probably fuck, right?
Run, Killer. Beetle’s going to start masturbating as soon as his right hand goes numb.
HtH: I know the decorative tastes of the new administration have prompted a lot of discourse both positive and negative but I think we can all agree that building a pink castle in front of the Washington Monument is going too far. For one thing, it attracts weird Viking cosplayers.
Agreed, although I think Curb Your Enthusiasm did it better with this exchange when Leon was concerned that some guy thought Leon was fucking his wife.
Larry: “Just tell him you’re not fucking his wife.”
Leon: “But I am fucking his wife.”
HtH – Canoodling? Did Sven and the Duchess get caught on KissCam at a Cold Play concert?
Hagar’s frown, Sven’s slump and sweat drop, and the eyes closed in frustration from Lucky Eddie of all people, illustrate that Sven’s adulterous liaison has violated some Viking code that I am completely going to make up. Uh, having already claimed seigneurial rights, the warband is now obliged to settle the attack by chivalric trial rather than siege warfare.
Hagar the Horrible-Time for the old standby where Lucky Eddie puts on a dresses and seduces the guards.
MW-Then H@rvey gets a call from his bank asking about such a large amount.
Blondie-When he gets to work Dagwood will get a break or two from Dithers.
Mary’s Worst: We have the funds, we have the erector set, we can make the world’s first bionic Bimbo! She’ll be stronger,faster, more money hungry!
HtH: Don’t mind me, I’m off to go down a rabbit hole on Viking views on polyamory….
DOONESBURY: Is it true were supposed to tip hospital and rehab staff?
yyFRAZZ: I call foul. To real outdoor exercisers, showers are refreshing, spring rains are expected and met with a sigh, thunderstorms are a sign you’d better plan better. They’re all part of why we’re outdoors and not inside.
RMMD: that’s right, Mae Mae, shout out your secret with identifying details so everyone can hear. Especially that National Enquirer writer you served. Maybe her real point is increasing breakfast business from two to five.
JP:
For i = 1 to Infinity
writeln (“Where’s Charlotte?”)
writeln (GenerateRandomResponse(Random(Infinity))$
End
JP: It’s too bad the whole Lil’ Dunk saga proved that the Cavelton P.D. is a bunch of drunken incompetents, because any *normal* person would be dialing the police right now to come interrogate this stranger inquiring after a prepubescent child who just showed you a cryptic video of a man who’s been missing for months. If ever there was a time where ICE’s involvment was warranted…
GT: Speaking of which… ‘Great sportsmanship, I’ll really miss you when you and your nonconformist friends are being held in that warehouse on the edge of town awaiting transport to CECOT…’
GA: How did the Breen Office miss NelSatan’s “horns”?? Unspeakable filth…
RMMD: This guest artist is doing their best, but the faces are coming out like they were drawn on Silly Putty. One day they’re stretched out, the next they’re squished together.
Luann: Les learns from the best. The ‘tell your prospect anything they want to hear to get them to agree to a date’ method from Wilbur, and the ‘pretend to shit yourself to get out of a jam’ method from Mud.
GT: “Good sportsmanship kid; also WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FACE SOMEONE HELP”
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: The Hot L Goat Cheese?
DT: I’m not sure if naming the front for your safe house “Hotel Goat” is the dumbest idea in the world (because the name is so distinctly memorable) or the smartest (because it would drive away random strangers looking for a good hotel room).
Dustin: Dustdad doesn’t use his heart–it a literal or metaphorical sense–and therefore cannot comprehend why anyone would want to do something which would make the heart stronger and more efficient.
JP: Ann was a con artist; you’d think she’d be much better at making something up on the fly.
Luann: Pretty sure having a kid free solo unsupervised, even on a small beginner’s wall, is a great way to get your rock climbing gym shut down.
Pluggers: Sorry, I refuse to believe Pluggers don’t just let the clock stay an hour off for half the year.
Safe Heavings: Don’t you just hate it when it starts to snow during a basketball game?
Hagar The Horrible: Alright, I’ll hand it to you, Hagar The Horrible, this was actually a really good joke and it got a laugh out of me. Try more stuff like this and less reminders that Eddie fucks fish and maybe this sort of compliment will become a regular thing.
@TheDiva:
JP: Ann was a UNSUCCESSFUL con artist; Now we know why – can’t think quickly on her feet.
@TheDiva: re Luann – I don’t know, given that they’re hiding a story’s worth of the *other* wall magically under the floor, it’s not a stretch to have an appropriate supervisor just off-frame to the right. And the height isn’t much if it stops just out of frame, could even be no taller than some “climbing wall” bits at playgrounds for bigger kids. The real problem is the lack of adequate safety zone mats (or sand, mulch or whatnot at a playground). The odds of a falling kid staying *that* close to the wall is pretty small.
Hagar: We make gay jokes (giant pink castle) but then one wonders if the Duchess is the one with REAL power here.
She sleeps with a Viking behind her husbands back, he knows she sleeps with a Viking behind his back, but they’re still together.
The Duchess gets what the Duchess wants. (By which I mean giant castles and hot rebellious sex…)
FC – Even better, Barfy licks the floors in the rest of the house when Thel gets sloshed and passes out before she can run the vacuum cleaner. Dogs are good!
Mary Worth – HH would get off with only minor damage to his life savings if he hadn’t stormed off when Mary started to give him advice. It may seem that the moral of this story is to be alert and suspicious to avoid being scammed, but it isn’t. The real, most important lesson is that you must listen to Mary. You must heed her advice. MARY WILL BE OBEYED. Capisce?
Crankshaft – He should just knock on his head.
Crankshaft-Hurry it up and let Walt die.
Pluggers: This hits too close to home. Recently my wife asks me if the dashboard clock is correct. I said it will be next week when we go back on Daylight Savings Time.
BB: Sit under a random tree here in southeast Texas and you’ll soon be covered in fire ants.
RMMD: Louder, Mae Mae. The guy banging a hooker in room 117 can’t hear you.
MW: I’ll wager when H@rve’s wife was still alive he’d pitch a fit if she bought one too many pairs of shoes.
Baby Blues – According to a recent article in The Daily Cartoonist, Baby Blues will stop creating new strips and will go into reruns in March of next year. It will wind down over the next year with alternating weeks of new strips and reruns. The article says that Zits is also doing this. I don’t follow Baby Blues, but I remember some comments on it.
The Daily Cartoonist website is a good source for information and news about comic strips. I hadn’t looked at it for a few weeks, but I’m going to go back to it.
@The Quiet Man: Re JP – Amen. That’s it exactly.
Killer used to use that line on a daily basis, but the dating market has made it impossible for him lately.
Luann-Rent shoes? That’s an option? But yesterday weren’t you mentioning that Les didn’t have proper footwear?
Dustin: Jeez, Dad. I’m sixteen and probably in the best shape I’ll ever be in my life. I’m not a middle-aged, fat tub of lard like you.
@Liam:
Damnit. That’s supposed to be ‘Gasoline Alley’.
Pluggers take three weeks to turn the car clock ahead—and that’s the easy one! Demographicians have found out why so many Pluggers migrate to Arizona.
Dustin: The winter’s shoveling over, Ed starts cracking wise about outdoor exertion and heart attacks. Fate never kicks back, Ed.
GT: I can’t tell how sincere or sarcastic either person is in panel three.. Can they get John Rose as a guest artist for a week?
BG&SS: The brain is a context-seeking machine, Loweezy. Didn’t they teach you the first thing about Pav–
I think I see the issue here.
Blondie is doing a Slylock Fox today. The difference in the panels? Not the lazy-ass cut ‘n paste soccer ball, but the car pool ride. Herb’s sedan has changed into a coupe!
@Activist: And, once again, Scancarelli is not using the “dream bubbles” around the panels.