Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Hagar the Horrible, 11/7/19

We’ve done a lot of speculation over the years on exactly when Hagar the Horrible is supposed to be taking place, but I think we can all agree it’s kind of late in the Viking era, right? Like, Christianity is becoming increasingly prevalent, elaborate legal systems are in place that judge matters in terms of guilt and innocence rather than the relative social positions of the parties to a dispute, and, as we learn today, local gentry who previously would’ve put together a team or warriors and gone raiding have instead tied themselves to whichever members of the increasingly powerful nobility they have blood or marriage links to, hoping that instead of a difficult and rugged life on their own they’ll have more strength and protection as part of a Jarl’s forces. It’s all fun and games until your cousin decides he’s going to try to overthrow the king, buddy!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/7/19

Guys. I just. I refuse to accept that the no-carb craze has hit Hootin’ Holler. I know half the joke of this strip is when people say or do things mildly incongruous for the setting, but I just refuse here. Refuse, do you hear me? They’re subsistance farmers, they grow and eat and name their babies after root vegetables, meat is a precious treat, they think low carb diets are ludicrous flatlander affectations and die at age 55 of malnutrition God damn it

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Pajama Diaries, 11/1/19

Ha ha, remember when an innocent discussion with her daughter about social media profile pics led to Pajama Diaries Mom Whose Name I Forget chattily bringing up the constant intrusive thoughts she has about her imminent kidnapping? Well, tonight, when she’s just out having some fun drinking wine with her gal pals, she talks about how one extremely normal recurring worry she has is that for some reason in the future she’ll be in a coma indefinitely, technically alive but insensate and trapped in an interminable kind of living death, yet still subject to the crushing demands that the patriarchy makes on women’s personal appearance. Imagine your mind trapped in a useless husk of a body, screaming endlessly but silently because you think the doctors who occasionally stop by your room to change your feeding tube will think “gee, this one has really let herself go”! They say people want to see representation of others like them in the media, but as a guy with anxiety, this all just makes me increasingly uncomfortable and I’d honestly rather not!

Hagar the Horrible, 11/1/19

I was going to point out that taking a dog for a walk for “exercise” is generally a euphemism for getting him out of the house so he can pee, but then I remembered Hagar is a uncultured Viking living in a tiny dirt-floored hut in rural Norway. He probably pees on the floor himself if it’s cold out!

Gil Thorp, 11/1/19

Oh wow, it turns out Chance only threw scissors at another kid because he hates injustice so much. C’MON MAN. I’ve now totally revised my opinion on this plot, Chet is absolutely right to air as much of Chance’s dirty laundry as possible to put this self-righteous jerk in his place and get his stepson that starting RB job.

Dustin, 11/1/19

“Like, I don’t want cereal that helps me poop! I want cereal that I want to fuck.

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Hagar the Horrible, 10/2/19

Usually Hagar and his men are depicted sailing off to raid distant lands like France and Italy, where the society and the economy is more segmented and greater riches are to be found in the fortified estates of kings and dukes. But let’s not forget that in the anarchic Norse states, the kings held only tenuous control over the various Viking bands, who also engaged in quick smash-and-grab raids against local jarls who couldn’t muster adequate forces to defend themselves. In the less unequal Nordic cultures, those petty nobles might be of essentially the class as the Viking raiders just a step or two below them in the hierarchy, and they may have known each other from childhood. But that won’t protect them from the extractive, predatory violence that allows chieftains like Hagar to keep control of their power base, and they’ll be forced to muster counter-raids if they want to maintain their own position.

Judge Parker, 10/2/19

Hey, remember when Sophie’s main interest was how a global hegemon could deploy a secretive force of missile-carrying drones to impose its will on the world without having to incur the domestic financial and political costs that would normally arise from open-ended wars? It’s probably for the best that she’s now become obsessed with disrupting the B&B sector or whatever.