Archive: Hagar the Horrible

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Shoe, 5/13/23

We talk a lot on here about the Shoe goggle eyes of horror, with the horror in question being experienced by the Shoe character and the goggle eyes being an indication of said emotion. Today, however, the Perfesser is flashing his dates some bedroom eyes of horror, with the horror being experienced by me as I am suddenly confronted with the thought of him as a sexual being.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/13/23

Hagar, I’m not sure what you expected here! You know Lucky Eddie is a stone-cold fish-fucking freak, and I sincerely hope whatever he whispered to you has blown your square little mind.

Pluggers, 5/13/23

Pluggers rightfully live their lives in fearful anticipation of the day God will finally strike them down, as nightmarish man-animal abominations against His law.

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/4/23

I know it’s a little hypocritical, because I always complain about legacy comics being static and hidebound, but I also am always a little unsettled when a legacy comic introduces a new character out of nowhere. Still, I have high hopes for this new fellow in Hagar the Horrible, Honi’s Friend Who Wears A Beret And Waits For Food With His Fork And Knife At The Ready And His Tongue Hanging Out Like A Dipshit, and I look forward to his future adventures, assuming he’s not about to be disemboweled by Hagar.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/4/23

OK, I take back what I said yesterday: Rene doesn’t need emotional validation to recognize his own inherent good qualities. No, he knows himself quite well as the ultimate soulless scamming machine. He will stop at nothing to hone the skills necessary to pull off his grifts. If he must look deeply into the souls of men and help them set their lives right in the process, so be it, but that cannot be anything more than a means to an end, and that end is to make a few bucks off of people on a cruise who might want to be similarly transformed. I will no longer question his purity of purpose in this space. Too bad he’s probably going to prison for attempted murder now!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/4/23

What kind of elaborate and pricey bachelor party would a resident of Hootin’ Holler envision? Would it involve strippers? Did you read that sentence and then suddenly and involuntarily imagine what the Snuffy Smith version of a strip club would look like? Did the very thought of it make you want to lie down, not in a sexy way, but more in a desperately try to achieve a state of ego death that will allow you to stop imagining it way?

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Mary Worth, 4/5/23

Ah ha, we’ve finally arrived at the big dramatic twist in this storyline: Estelle has to convince Dr. Ed to go to therapy! I look forward to the next several weeks in which she gently overcomes his emotional reserves and lets him know that admitting he needs help isn’t a sign of weakn–oh, wait, what’s that? He said he’d be into it literally the first time she mentioned it? Ah. Well. I guess I look forward to the next several weeks in which he tries to figure out if Estelle’s therapist takes his insurance.

Family Circus, 4/5/23

Look, Dolly, I get that your whole job is saying the darnedest things, and there are only so many darnedest things available to say in the relatively limited space of a Family Circus caption, but I feel it’s very important that you not imply some kind of appliance vore fetish scenario here, because this panel will get posted in some web forums that none of us will be comfortable with.

Hagar the Horrible, 4/5/23

I think there’s something of a divide between people who say “fucking” to mean any kind of sex stuff generally, and people who say it to mean specifically p-in-v or -a intercourse. We know Eddie’s had a longtime romantic relationship with a mermaid, and today I guess we’re learning that this relationship’s sexual component has fallen into definition one but not definition two above — at least so far. I mean, that’s what this strip’s about, right? The prospect of penetrative sex with a mermaid? It’s not a strip with another joke that also slyly makes reference to “how exactly would it work for a guy to stick his dick in a mermaid?” Like that’s pretty explicitly what this one’s about?