Shelly lovin’
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B.C., 5/30/26
Look, I’m not a scientist, and I’m also not brave enough to have “how do turtles have sex” left in my Google image search history, but I know enough to know they don’t get inside each other’s shells. Their shells are part of them! That’d be gross! It wouldn’t be sexy at all! Also, I enjoy that you can tell in panel one that lady turtle did in fact wax her shell. It’s not just a pick-up line, it was inspired by actual events.
Andy Capp, 5/30/26
“But thanks to Brexit, we no longer have to worry about awkward cross-cultural encounters with dastardly Europeans like these! Now to take a big sip of room temperature beer and check out how the economy of our port city, dependent as it is on imports and exports, has been doing since we left the common market that all our close neighbors belong to.”
Archie, 5/30/26
Not a big fan of that detailed, close-up look at Mr. Weatherbee’s face in panel three! Don’t like it one bit, actually! It’s gonna haunt my nightmares for weeks!
24 replies to “Shelly lovin’”
Murky Tail:
Spoiler Alert:
The “gorilla sanctuary” is a hideout for oversized unintelligent low level mafia enforcers.
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Wary Morth:
Brandy left town to handle family stuff. That stuff happens to be the bootleg hooch that her family makes in their garage still.
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Wrecks Moregone:
Doug: “How long have you been nursing that one cup? We’ll have to charge you rent for that seat you’ve taken up all morning.”
Mud: “I can pay with song!”
Hector: “……. I’ll get you the coffee. I’ll even pay for it out of my salary.”
Andy Capp:
Not that I don’t love the British — I truly do — but nothing about any Andy Capp installment I’ve ever seen makes me, as an American, rue the decision we made as a people to break away from them in 1776.
RMMD-Now it’s time to prepare for lunch.
MW-“I’m sorry, Tommy, but Brandy wanted me to tie up all her loose ends while she was gone,” Dawn says pulling out a gun.
FC-Offer the pastor some of your pie, Thel.
Dustin-Meg’s job is secured because machines will never replace prostitutes.
Archie-“Yep. I uploaded it directly to YouTube.”
B.C.
“And here I thought I’d come out of my shell and engage her!”
ARCHIE: OK, foul! Panel #3 is clearly borrowed from a strip where Weatherbee made a sex tape with Miss Grundy (that’s the smug, self satisfied grin of “the ‘Bee” just about to give his lady “the big sting” if ya know what I mean….)
B.C: Cheer up, bub. It’s not you or your line. She’s just hungry, what with being away from a snapping turtle’s natural food supply in streams and lakes.
@Bob Tice: to be honest, this is a bit like reading Snuffy Smith and wondering why anyone would want to live in the US.
ARCHIE: “Something for America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Um…yeah, that’s called “TikTok uploads” now. Just something to keep in mind the next time characters from 1992 want to visit here.
Archie:
“Now that I’m through with that, Sven, I’m going to audition for the lead role in the Riverdale Players’ forthcoming autobiographical monodrama ‘I, Otto Preminger: I Put the “Temper” in “Temperament” ‘ !”
RMMD:
“And hang that ‘Sorry, We’re Closed’ sign upside down, Mae Mae — that way, would-be patrons will think they’re seeing a Slylock Fox riddle answer!”
Archie:
“By the way, Sven, are you ever going to get rid of that unsightly, ridiculous facial hair of yours?”
“I am the walrus, Mr. Weatherbee — goo goo g’joob!”
Mary Worth:
“You and your girlfriend broke up?”
“Yes. Kinda. I don’t know. I have to ‘jog‘ my memory — so to speak.”
“And then we said ‘this one’s for the Armada, mate,’ before I glassed him.”
@2+2=7: To my amazement (with a touch of despair), “America’s Funniest Home Videos” is still airing. Ah well, as Idiocracy predicted, “Ow! My Balls” is timeless humor.
“Ya, I got it on tape, by Jiminy! It’s pretty much an archaic method of recording evens, but whatever. Should I send it to you by Pony Express?”
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: Exactly. Good call out.
AC — Given Hartlepool’s history of confusing monkeys for foreigners (and then hanging them) the Spanish tourist got off pretty lightly. . .
Archie — Good to see that Sven can still get the ancient AV equipment to function in addition to his janitorial duties.
AC: I don’t speak any foreign language but we’re watching the French channel because of… Brexit? The Chunnel? I lost the remote?
[Andy aside] “Let’s get another straight man.”
Mary Worth Mashup: What if today’s episode proceeded for two more panels? My thought on what probably would happen next.
@Baja Gaijin:
Very satisfying end to their story but leaves the question: What were Tommy and Dawn doing that he had to change into pants.
MW Dawn has now gotten a clearer picture of the Tommy/Brandie situation than even Mary, and if she had two neurons firing simultaneously she’d know to *not* pursue anything with Tommy – so we all know where this is going, right?
RMMD “And so now we’re going to assume that *every* day will be like today with the initial Lorna Starr – Action Waitress interest, despite the curious getting their glimpse and autographs already. So clearly you’re all hired permanently and the motel café is saved, there’s no way this could go back to the business doldrums ever again!”
DT Neo-Chicago has London black cab taxis?
Crankshaft OK, OK, it’s all a dream – but I refuse to believe even the premonition that it would destroy the world would keep Cranky from his backyard grilling
Andy Capp: There was an obnoxious and inescapable advert for one of England’s shittier lagers where two busty Spanish women taught a room full of football hooligans how to say “Dos pintas de cerveza”. The fact Jack doesn’t know what it means suggests he is something worse than a Brexiter. He is *spits* a craft beer hipster.
Archie: “And in a change from our scheduled programming, America’s Funniest Home Videos will not be about men falling off ladders and getting hit in the balls. Instead we bring you an hour of pompous principals overestimating their rhetorical abilities. Laugh as they mix up Jane Austen and Jane Eyre! Cringe as they read an inspirational Vonnegut excerpt they clearly found on Brainy Quotes 30 minutes earlier! Hoot as they struggle to pronounce the valedictorian’s foreign name!”
@Baja Gaijin: As Mel Brooks almost said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when Tommy falls off a cliff and dies.”
Archie: I’m not sure which is more depressing: that Archie is making an America’s Funniest Home Videos joke in The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Twenty-Six, that America’s Funniest Home Videos is still running, or that I knew it was still running without having to look it up.