The Biliad
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Turtle Carl is traveling. Slowly.
Family Circus, 7/26/26
The Biliad
Draw him, O Jeffy, and show us his exploits—first-born of the Keane clan,
Follow the long dashed line from his birth to his triumphs in Scottsdale.
Sing of the talented Billy Age Seven as substitute artist;
Tell of his prowess at baseball and schoolwork and elegant wordplay;
Speak of the pride with which Thel and his father must always esteem him!
What’s that you say, he’s a smug little jerk who oppresses his siblings,
Blaming his failures and sins on Not Me to avoid retribution,
Dumb as a rock and possessed of no gifts but a venomous mean streak?
Why then do you, O Jeff, spend your days documenting this jackass?
What is your own great sin that the gods have assigned you such torment?
“Listen, O Muse, it appears your assessment is missing some context!
“There was no choice in this job that I started in twenty-eleven.
“The circle, the kids, and the jokes were a fifty-year legacy burden:
“My readers would rise up in arms if I altered the tiniest detail!
“And Billy’s the price that I pay to maintain a respectable income.”
Mark Trail, 7/26/26
Species like cockroaches and sharks, well-adapted to stable ecological niches, often show decreased rates of biological diversification. Yet species like songbirds and tropical fish, equally well-protected from harsh selection pressures, differentiate lavishly in secondary sexual characteristics like song and coloration.
Mark Trail has survived 80 years in the brutal environment of the newspaper comics page: is he a shark or a songbird? On the one hand, he dominates the “outdoor adventure comic” niche with unassailable Nature Facts and Fists of Justice at the ready. On the other, he’s kinda cute. We should get Cherry to weigh in on this.
Thanks for a fun week and all the generous contributions to keep this fine blog strong and independent. Josh will be back tomorrow morning, rested and ready to deliver the Internet’s finest newspaper comics mockery!
—Uncle Lumpy
13 replies to “The Biliad”
Mark can literally talk underwater now.
Huh.
MW-“If only there was some group of people like me that we could talk about our struggles of addiction.”
RMMD-“How’s your food?” “It’s passable for Dying Mall Food Court food.”
Family Circus:
You hit a real “Homer” with that poem, Uncle Lumpy!
Mark Trail:
What exactly is “misunderstood” about sharks, anyway? — you go in the ocean, and there’s a meaningful risk that they might attack you, right?
Family Circus:
[Third panel]:
Jeffy thinks he’s Buddy Rich. Actually, he’s Duddy Poor.
Family Circus:
“Bill and Thal Keane begat me. I claim to be their son, and they sent me to cloy with ticked instructions: ever to raise hell, to spew better than others, and to bring “Sorry!” to their forbears, who indeed were harried late. This is my ancestry; this is the crud I am proud to inherit.”
— Billyous, Book Six
Mark Trail: Sharks are light and flexible and can live for as long as 100 years, yet Mark Trail can’t stop shaving for two days without looking like a bum. They certainly are a marvel of evolution, relative to Mark!
Hi and Lois: “There’s my old high school boyfriend — I’m sure glad I didn’t marry him!” “Why, because I’m so great?” “No, because he turned out ugly, and possibly poor!”
Mary Worth: “Who am I to judge Tommy?” wonders Wilbur. “Well, I do own my own condo, in a complex on these vast landscaped grounds, which even include a water feature during an exceptionally hot and dry summer! On the other hand, well, I personally suck and everyone knows it. Good thing Mary’s always around to remind me of that fact, or I might actually develop some self-esteem!”
Pluggers: “A plugger never wastes time trying to predict the weather, fish, or women… and also doesn’t bother trying to understand why his wife hates that joke.”
MW: Alien Wilbur clone checks if the real Wilbur is still submerged.
Yep, still here but maybe…just maybe…he was the wrong human to assimilate.”
Mark Trail has survived 80 years in the brutal environment of the newspaper comics page: is he a shark or a songbird?
___________
Mark’s a tree,acts wooden and is printed on their mutilated remains,for Pluggers everywhere.
@The Rambling Otter: Mark can literally talk underwater now.
Huh.
_______
Mark Trail is Aquaman7x’s secret identity….he refused Ted Turner’s offer of a night with Jane Fonda to leave “Super friends” and become Nature Consultant for “Captain Planet”.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
FC – “Billy” grew up to be an Oscar-winning animator held in reverence by his peers, a true master of his craft, while Jeff learned to photocopy his dad’s work. It makes you wonder if Batiuk has an older brother who is a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist.
Slylick Fox and Komix For Kinky Kids :Max Mouse is literally in the back pocket of Slick Smitty.
Plus, why no name for Smitty’s Neighbor? Carla Coocoo was right there and could give Rachel Rabbit a run for her money as Forrestville’s Official Karen.
FC: But what about PJ, adult Jeff?
“He’s still in his anal retentive stage. Trust me. You don’t want to see his thought bubble.”