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This week: The comment of the week: Right here: Right now:

“What sells this is the final panel. Remember, Dustin’s equally-terrible-but-in-a-different-way father has no idea what his son’s dream was. All he knows is that Dustin suddenly says, apropos of nothing: ‘I keep having the same nightmare.’ Maybe the young man is on the verge of a killing spree. Maybe he wants to talk about his feelings. Both prospects are horrifying.” –Joe Blevins

The runners up: Also right here and right now:

“I was about to let Beetle in on the secret I’ve discovered in my 23 years of cooking for myself: You can just eat potatoes with the peel and you get more flavor and more nutrition. Though I suggest washing them carefully and peeling off any unsightly black parts. Only after staring at the strip for another minute did I figure out he’s talking about punishment detail. Of course Beetle gets to personally peel pretty much every single potato consumed by Camp Swampy. And on that reflection, I wonder, is a lifestyle of constantly disrupting exercises and disobeying his officers really worth it?” –Amelie Wikström

“Ha ha, oh yes, how silly, you’re right. I certainly don’t have a one-way flight to some South American tropical paradise where I’ll never have to hear about spreadsheets or kids or fucking Sunbeam ever again. Let me just, uh, pack this suitcase for no reason. You just go back to sleep, and if you hear something that sounds like an Uber outside at 3 AM, ignore it.” –Schroduck

“Ed’s swinish co-worker might be passive-aggressing him by making sure ‘great’ didn’t modify ‘wife and two kids,’ but teasing Ed about his wife won’t work. Helen is way out of his league looks-wise, and her black heart full of evil is frankly a bonus, for him.” –matt w

“There’s a lot that I don’t like about this strip, but I have to admit, the art is good. Today, for instance, they’ve managed to perfect capture the look of a guy who you absolutely hate in spite of the fact that he’s pleasant and nice, in a way that makes you realize that maybe the problem is with you. I mean, most people would realize that, not Dustin’s dad, obviously.” –pugfuggly

“I, for one, support Suburban Fairy Tales pivoting toward a darker, more Brothers Grimm oriented take on their characters. The world is full of dangers, and the children in their pedestrian hostile suburbs need to learn the truth!” –Philip

“I can’t believe I’m saying this about a strip in which a man appears to be smoking a corncob pipe through his nose, but TOO REAL, HI & LOIS.” –Guts Dozier

“Poodles are depicted as sexpots in comics. Grimm is not having memory problems here, he’s upset that he can’t control his sex addiction. Mother Goose had better wash her throw pillows.” –nescio

“Dude … you’re wearing a hat that says ‘Trash.’ You knew what the job was when you took it: collecting refuse, lying about recycling plastic, laundering mob money, and occasionally making a corpse disappear.” –Old Man Shadow

“Professor, I’m writing to you from the Sullivan site. it is everything we hoped, I feel it will finally unlock the secrets of early 21st century society. Oh Professor, it is astonishing, it seems that these people actually worshipped plastic! I believe that, as an act of devotion to their hydorcarbonic gods, they heaped great mounds of broken plastic a few miles away and downwind of their cities. I do not wish to get ahead of myself, Professor, but I believe this discovery will secure our place as the greatest archeologists since the mysterious events that made the people of our future time incredibly stupid.” –BananaSam

“I’m still trying to work out if it has a nucleus, mitochondria, endoplasmic reticulum, or lysosomes! Say, do you feel like we’re being absorbed through an external membrane?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“When this joke was written weeks ago, it was about the cost of eggs due to the bird flu. But now it can be applied to the fact that tariffs can fail to restore domestic production because they increase the cost of production inputs! Sometimes the comics production lag can accidentally improve a joke!” –Ettorre

“Can’t beat a Horrocks Family party. NOTHING says rockin’ like a couple of balloons, a plate of sandwiches all to yourself, and hangin’ with the same dude you apparently spend every day of your life with. If you hold that comic up to your ear, you can almost hear ‘Who Let The Dogs Out.’” –A Grave Mind

“Dick Tracy is a manly man, but he’s also hip and with it. While he wouldn’t go anywhere near the internet or, ugh, social media, even for an investigation, he’s not averse to people bringing him printed out screen shots.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Like many people, today’s strip confuses the difference between ‘frogs’ and ‘toads.’ Here are some key indicators: frogs are smooth-skinned and are the favored form of enchanted princes, whereas toads have dry bumpy skin which you lick to get high. Hope that helps!” –TheDiva

“More evidence, if such were needed, that ‘Dennis’ is a figment of Mr. Wilson’s burgeoning psychosis. Always there, in the same clothes, when he’s least wanted, a voice in Wilson’s ear, telling him exactly what he doesn’t want to hear, raising his blood pressure. In this case, Wilson is reasonably worried about his health, but then … there’s that annoying little akuma-boy, taunting, ‘You look great! Eat! Eat all you want, of delicious butter, salt, meat!’ A bead of flop sweat trickles down Wilson’s temple. Is the terrifying imp in his bathroom correct? Should he give in to temptations — minor temptations to be sure, but at his age definitely inadvisable? ‘Read meat doesn’t raise cholesterol,’ the smiling imp whispers.” –Chance

“Ghosts often serve as otherworldly portents within fiction, issuing ominous predictions or dire warnings to the living. While the Ghost of Pop(s) doesn’t expressly say it, the subtext of his warning is still chilling: if you live and die wearing a very stupid hat, you will be damned for eternity to wear a very stupid hat.” –Wilktoast

“Where does Wilson hide that giant scale when not in use? Seriously, with two seniors in the house and a cramped bathroom, that’s a major trip hazard. Let alone maneuvering around Dennis who seems to want to hang out in there.” –Hibbleton

“Man, I’ve never seen the Rex Morgan, M.D., narration box this worked up before. It knows the guy’s trying to be stealthy, and is just screaming, who is this guy, why is he here, pay attention to him. I wonder if it knows that only the reader can hear it, and that we don’t particularly care. Either way, what a tragic way to achieve sentience.” –Dan

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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That’s right! Enjoy your COTW, right here, right now!

“No, I don’t mean your face is familiar from the radio, you nitwit. I recognize you as the man who threw up on my dog the other day.” –Guts Dozier

And your runners up! Very funny!

“This obviously isn’t going to work, since the major bone of contention is who gets the ‘masterpiece.’ Fortunately, this is Max’s turn to shine as, in a Solomonic turn, he takes that sword from the box and simply hacks the thing in half.” –cheech wizard

“‘Police? There’s a car parked on the street here.’ ‘In your suburban neighborhood? We’ll be right there.’ ‘I think there’s a dead guy in it.’ ‘So, no rush then. By the way, how do you know he’s dead?’ ‘I’ve seen a lot of still life paintings at the art museum.’” –But What Do I Know?

“What I take from today’s Slylock Fox is that investing in an original panel from Bob Weber Jr.’s Moose and Molly will set my descents up for generations, as this fine art becomes recognized as a masterpiece. It’s just a shame they didn’t include an address or QR where I could order me one!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I’m assuming the man in the last panel is all of us, just waiting to see the dead body. Should I be putting on a three-piece suit to read Dick Tracy? Suddenly it feels like I have to.” –pugfuggly

“They’ve found the one thing that brings them both mutual joy: getting absolutely blasted and fucking with an insurance agent. Good for them.” –Remy

“But enough about disconnection syndrome. Let’s talk about macrocephaly, which seems to be a slightly more pressing concern for you.” –Voshkod

“Take a good look at Snuffy Smith. Imagine smelling him. What do you think ‘embarrassment’ could mean to such a person?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“So, ‘Whom do I have to kill to get a day off around here’ is narrowed down to just the boss.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, Phantom Daughter … I know you’re really trying hard to get your brother laid … which is a sentence I never thought I’d type and never want to again, but what you’re describing is a psychotic break or severe depression with suicidal thoughts or possibly generic comic strip mental disorder that ends with Kadia putting on a weird costume, doing themed robberies, and periodically trying to kill your family. Maybe just make a profile for the guy on a dating site.” –Old Man Shadow

“My Thai may have a delightful array of splatter worthy liquids as a major selling point, but one of these days, they’re going lose out to Pho Saigon where condiments include fish sauce and table chilies and you can just stick your SuperSoaker’s intake into your bowl and have at the entire dining room.” –richardf8

“The creative team went with Wimbledon because they couldn’t think of any major tennis tournaments in the U.S. But they’re Open to suggestions.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Ordinarily you wouldn’t plant a tree just three feet away from your house but Crankshaft knows he’ll be dead soon, long before it becomes somebody else’s problem.” –Rex Thrillho, on BlueSky

“Lady, I know the Westons have all the warmth and appeal of slugs, but that doesn’t mean you can kill Dawn by spilling sodium on her. Wilbur may have survived multiple cruise ship disasters, but Dawn survived one herself. Their DNA is unfortunately made of stronger stuff.” –Lauralot

“I kind of admire Belle’s hustle. Sure, she wants to kill her, but why stop there? Let’s inconvenience her in a million small ways first!” –Jobrill

“Billy, when the expression on Jeffy’s face says ‘What a dumbass,’ ya dun goofed.” –matt w

“Sarge tries to protect his historical legacy by making sure his name doesn’t come up during questioning of the most incompetent POWs in history.” –Hibbleton

“Hi reads golf magazines to fall asleep because he finds golf just as boring as the rest of us do.” –Lawyerbob

“Ah, I’ve finally figured out what’s going on. Gil’s dead and what we’re seeing is a slide show being presented by Marty Moon, who’s delivering his eulogy. Coach Gerads has been warned against heckling.” –Cleveland Mocks

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A couple of you have inquired about the whereabouts and health of longtime faithful reader and poster of Shadow COTWs Baja Gaijin, who hasn’t posted the Shadow COTWs in a while. Just wanted to pass on that I emailed with him and he’s OK! He just hasn’t been keeping up with the strips and didn’t feel up to doing the SCOTWs lately, is all. So have no fear!

But do have amusement, as you roll into this week’s top comment!

“In a normal family, that’s the sort of puzzle that parents would watch their young kid try to solve, helping from time to time as needed. In the weird hellscape of Marvinville, shit-machine babies are highly verbal and grammatical, and the (presumably) potty-trained parents are losing their grip on what shreds of rationality remain to them, to the point where even a child’s puzzle is a challenge for them. Marvin appears to be sucking their intelligence away from them and taking it for himself (though not the toilet-training parts of it). This is The Portrait of Dorian Gray, as reimagined by H.P. Lovecraft.” –Dmsilev

And your very funny runners up!

“Ten years ago, Wilbur was getting scammed by a fake girlfriend from Colombia. But now that job went to a white American from the free enterprise state of Florida! Tariffs work!” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky

“Sunbeam really needs to give some love to the adults in Hi and Lois. He visits Trixie nearly every day, but this is the first time Lois and her friend have seen him in months.” –Anonymous

“It’s pretty harsh for Wilbur to thought-balloon that Dawn is like him, but I guess they did both get brutally rejected by her mom off-panel.” –matt w

“When I was young, my mother would take leftovers and feed them into a portable grinder that clamped to the edge of a table, and sometimes we kids would get to turn the handle to produce that delicious, delicious ham salad. Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes, let’s talk about how modern comic strips are created.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. Every time I close my eyes I have a vision of being cast into am infinite black void with this guy who looks like … Um, maybe I will take that pill…” –But What Do I Know?

“Fifty years from now at the bar, Young Tommy will still be called Young Tommy when he finally keels over from the strain of the many years of drinking and dies at 75. Younger Tommy will feel a moment of hope until he realizes his fate.” –Voshkod

“So I threw a massive tantrum and smashed the machine. Relatedly, I’m banned from that restaurant now. And also going viral on YouTube as ‘Male Karen gets owned in McDonalds’. This is a pretty shit day to be honest.” –ectojazzmage

“I guess the good thing about being Andy Capp’s bartender is that you can insult him constantly, without ever losing his business. What’s he going to do, not come into the pub every evening and drink pint after pint of dark ale until he can barely walk home? Nope, just pour him another one and throw up more zingers, and you’ll be fine.” –BigTed

“For me the real highlight is panel 1, where Belle is seductively twirling a strand of Wilbur’s lank combover between her fingers. Just imagine how greasy her fingertips must be once she’s finished.” –Schroduck

“I guess now that Gil has found someone to spout the trite, cliched pablum for him, he has even more time to ditch work.” –2+2=7

“The following day, Gertie was bit by a raccoon and contracted a rare combination of rabies and flesh-eating bacteria. She was mourned by no-one.” –pugfuggly

“The thing is, Thirsty isn’t GOING to the first ballgame. He traditionally spends opening day sitting in the living room recliner and drinking heavily.” –Ukulele Ike

“I will give Gertie this: unlike Gen Z, she has no fear of picking up the phone and voicing her complaints to the subject of her ire, rather than @ing them on social media in an attempt to get them canceled. Gen Z couldn’t order a pizza over the phone, while Gertie will threaten a goddess with arrest.” –Philip

“I’m gonna get a chair with my name on the side. I’ve had it with anthropomorphized concepts getting all the cool swag, why shouldn’t I have a sweet ‘Dan’ barcalounger? I work hard.” –Dan

“[Sigh] Another fan service strip for its target audience: tapeworms.” –Hibbleton

“‘Why are there so many reality shows about housewives, a sexist term that was considered insulting and outdated as far back as the 1970s?’ ‘Quit yappin’ and rustle up my dinner, Blondie!’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘YOU CANNOT … *GAZE* … UPON ME AND REMAIN … *SANE*’ the Dagwood had told her once. So she had turned her chair away from him. Sometimes, a ‘tendril’ would reach out and take her hand … It wasn’t love … the Dagwood was not capable of emotions like we are. Perhaps a promise that when the rest of the universe had been devoured, he would finally put her out of her misery and eat her last.” –Old Man Shadow

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!