“I love how fast the sheriff drops his phony hick act when it comes to money. Oh, he’ll say ‘shore’ and ‘ain’t’ and ‘fer yore’ along with the other townsfolk, but at the realization of just how steadily he’s literally nickel-and-diming the impoverished locals by bending the law to let let crooks go free and innocent people linger in the ancient one-room jail, he gets all excited and the phrase ‘negative effect on our supplemental income stream’ comes rattling out of his mouth faster than you can say ‘civil forfeiture.’” –Chance

“Love how the marriage counselor has given up on taking notes. He just sits back in his chair, letting the dysfunction wash over him, knowing that although he has found the most toxic relationship in existence, no one would believe him and they’re beyond help anyway. He’s as trapped as they are.” –Tristan Olson, on BlueSky

“Pretty sure Leroy is musing about dying himself. He’d never be under the delusion that Loretta dying would solve all his problems — he knows he’d still be a Jets fan.” –matt w

“The joke here is that Leroy and Loretta saw the shrink’s name was ‘Dr. Pillman’ and assumed this was an easy way to score some painkillers.” –Where’s Rocky?

“When Chip woke up that morning, he could tell something was different: the angle of the sun, the heaviness of the air, that smell in the breeze. Was it … popcorn? He stumbled out of bed and into the living room as if in a daze. ‘It’s here,’ he said aloud. ‘It’s summer-blockbuster season.’” –pugfuggly

“Wait until Lukey and Snuffy find out it’s not legal advocacy that Barney’s been up to, but the most dangerous art: human taxidermy.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Snuffy is short-sighted, as usual! While a lawyer could help him escape punishment now, it will end up strengthening the rule of law and trust in authorities, making people less interested in engaging in the informal economy. Soon, he will have to get a job, pay taxes and become a cog of the modern state!” –Ettorre

“It’s summer blockbuster season, and I, a teenage boy in 2025, want you, my parents, to take me to the local cineplex so that we can all enjoy some big budget franchise films in the theater on the big screen, the way God intended. Hurry, Mom and Dad! With luck, we can still catch Mission: Impossible — The Final Reckoning and Thunderbolts before they become available for streaming in a few weeks.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Wisterias?’ the salesgirl says in a surprised tone when the old man doesn’t flash her.” –Hibbleton

“Every day June shaves a bit more off her head, just to see how long it takes Rex to notice. She’s down to ’80s old school hip hop star’, and so far no dice. But to be honest, she could go cueball bald and Rex still wouldn’t realise. Chris Rock could tell June she looks like GI Jane 2 and all Rex would say is ‘I enjoyed the first film. Didn’t realise they were making a sequel, although it seems highly unlikely it would star my wife.’” –Schroduck

“The art in Rex Morgan isn’t anything special, but credit where it’s due, you can practically hear the mechanical creaking in the first panel as Rex comes out of rest mode to interact with his wife.” –Rosstifer

“By ‘cake’ the boys mean cake. By ‘cake’ Rex means booze.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Belle is sporting an almost wistful look in panel two. Deranged, yes, but wistfully deranged.” –LTJpezcore1

“Why is mini-Kadia squatting on the rim of Kit’s mug like that? Is she putting something extra into his coffee? God, I hope so.” –Veronica!

“Man, that genie is cool. He’s too cool for a Healthcliff cartoon. He ought to be the 90s throwback mascot for sunbutter, with a catchphrase like ‘It’s got Vitamin B1, yo!’” –BillieVee

“This is probably the closest this comic has ever gotten to acknowledging that hardly anybody uses the ‘Dick’ shortening of ‘Richard’ anymore, not to mention why that is the case. Hopefully, Tracy will get the point and change his name to the much more respectable Penis Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“If I were a ruthless feudal overlord like Mr. Lodge, I’d be very hesitant to paint something that could be ignorantly or willfully misconstrued as an anarchy symbol on my door. Rivers of blood indeed!” –Violet

“So there’s this committee, see, made up of mothers-in-law, who manage all neighborhood device configurations, and they’ve got a parental lock on yours, sorry bud. I could ask about an exception at the next CAB meeting but that’s not for a couple weeks. Did you even read the HOA contract?” –Tyler Wengerd, on BlueSky

“I dunno. Archie and co have been teenagers for roughly forever and a half. Hard to blame them, really, for treating every day as a blur, just one more rotation on the endless and endlessly boring hamster wheel of their existence.” –Dmsilev

“And as Pop looked away, the wall tiles took the opportunity to grow their numbers again. Two more rows! Soon … soon they would devour all the walls in the restaurant. Then, from there, all the surfaces in Riverdale! No matter where you looked, there would be nothing but a glorious white background. They had taken over 9 Chickweed Lane this way. But the tiles … they hungered for more.” –Lurker Who Seldom Posts

“YES! The grueling, meaningless life uneventful!! That’s the ticket!!!” –Dennis Jimenez

“I like how Dagwood immediately gets back into bed after doing his one thing for his wife on Mother’s Day. I mean, it was assumed that he wouldn’t be doing the laundry, but he wants to make it crystal clear.” –pugfuggly

“Today’s strips show the duality of Comic Strip Time: I am torn between pointing out that Thel should be listening to a phone, not a boombox, and observing that having Dagwood say ‘chillax’ should be punishable by death.” –matt w

“I get that ‘Old Turtle’ is Boss Tweed, but I’m pretty sure the merry-go-round in the center was supposed to be labeled ‘Teapot Dome.’ Whoever’s in charge of maintaining the Thomas Nast Playground is falling down on the job.” –Peanut Gallery

“Big Daddy Keane has not yet given Thel the Mother’s Day gift she most longs for: a vasectomy.” –Ettorre

“Just spitballing here, but if I’m a homicidal maniac, the focus of my rage would shift to whoever in nearest proximity has just eaten a garlic-cheddar concoction.” –Hibbleton

“I see Plugger Bear and Plugger Kangaroo are watching the movie Spotlight. No, not the 2015 film about the Boston Globe’s investigation into sex abuse in the Diocese of Boston which won an Oscar for Best Picture, but the 2019 movie that just features a spotlight shining for 215 minutes of blinding headaches which nevertheless took first place at a film festival for moths.” –Voshkod

“Honestly, if I become a ghost and it turns out I can still eat, I’m basically going to be Slimer from Ghostbusters. I’m not going to think ‘What’s a healthy breakfast cereal for ghosts that’s low in sugar and good for the digestive system?’ I’m already dead! Who cares?” –Horace Broon

“The real horror will come when they remodel the house and make everything in there flat gray.” –Liam

“The artist put the finishing touches on the haunted house … it was perfect … he could add nothing more. He stared wistfully at his framed degree of Fine Arts from UCLA hanging on the wall of his cubicle, then took a long drink from the bottle he kept in his desk and then sketched in the generic, nearly featureless people and background. He would take an early and a long lunch today weeping in the supply closet.” –Old Man Shadow

“Ahhhhhhh! Weird, looming close-up of Rex Morgan’s nurse lady! Is … is she about to eat my village?” –A Grave Mind

“This strip is painfully out of touch with modern parenting. In reality, there would be precisely one thing Marvin wants to watch, and he would demand to watch it over and over and over and over again. If Jenny’s lucky, it’ll be Bluey. If she’s unlucky, it’ll some unbearable CGI Chinese nursery rhyme slop. If she wished on a monkey’s paw, it’ll be video games. Marvin, too young to understand the mechanics of Mario but yelling at her to do impossible things and jump on spikes repeatedly, then crying every time Mario dies.” –Schroduck

“Augie has now involved a women’s shelter in an active homicide investigation. Not only will the shelter workers have to deal with the cops (who will impound the truck and then auction it off later), they’ll also have to do extra paperwork. And then if the police report and/or court transcript makes their physical address public, they’ll have to relocate for security purposes. So yeah, way to go, Mr. Nice Guy … you just single-handedly shut down the local women’s shelter. Your Nobel Prize is in the mail.” –Veronica!

“Marvin, the first comic of the post-feminism regime, where a woman’s place is being squeezed onto a love seat with her father while her son — literally and with obvious delight — shits on her.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I love that Shoe in general, and the Perfesser in particular, have always been ’70s coded and clearly the product of a political cartoonist. The Perfesser looks like Walter Matthau portraying Tip O’Neill.” –Cris (without an H), on BlueSky

“This isn’t some light self-deprecation from Hi; that’s some serious self-pity. You can tell by the way the Mood Wallpaper has turned from green to yellow.” –Guts Dozier

“I’m not surprised that the Perfesser takes ‘seasick pills’ (aka prescription-grade muscle relaxers) in the bath, since that probably increases the relaxing high. It may not be worth the risk of drowning, but to each their own.” –BigTed

“That’s right, Leroy, keep it up. Hostas thrive on shade.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“That’s not a spoon. That’s a straw. Martha has finally decided to wire George’s jaw shut. This time the diet will work, God damn it! Why she decided to also sew his eyes shut is less clear.” –moscowtheclown

“Today’s Shoe is actually a clever remark on the tradeoffs of civilization. We grant the sovereign a monopoly on the legitimate use of force out of the fear of violent death that is omnipresent in the state of nature, understanding that we thereby create NEW risks if such concentrated power is misused by an ill-constituted sovereign. And so it is with the birds in Shoe — in the state of nature Senator Belfry would face no risk of falling down the stairs, because he is a bird and can fly, but he gave up that for the greater overall security that comes from wearing clothes over his wings to do stupid bits.” –James

“Of course, it would be great if anyone in the family’s younger generation ever got an A on a test or some kind of sports honor, or even a congratulatory letter, that could be posted on the refrigerator. But until that day comes, at least Hi can laugh at slightly worse kids, like Dennis the Menace, or long-departed losers like Charlie Brown. Bet their refrigerators are sad as heck!” –BigTed

“And then Dennis got expelled from Heaven for rebelling against God. It was all covered in John Milton’s Dennis the Menace.” –Liam

“All of time and space are converging on a single point: Crankshaft’s grill. He’ll need to detonate it to jumpstart a new universe.” –Johnny lt

“All of my issues with the new art style in Gil Thorp can be forgiven now that we have been given the gift of Colonel Clambake. Is he stealing a new type of valor now???” –M. histrionica, on BlueSky

“The first rule of Plugger Fight Club is that no-one remembers about Plugger Fight Club.” –pugfuggly

“Finally, some good news from Pluggers! If it bleeds, we can kill it!” –Ettorre

“You can tell Phil’s hip and stylish because he’s wearing a black t-shirt under a sport coat. Luann? Sleek and sophisticated in her little black dress, with a pop of color! Mrs. Horner is experienced and comfortable in her black cardigan. Bernice, as is his practice, wears the colors of our Savior’s passion year-round. Can you guess which one of these people will die a virgin? (Spoiler: they all will, this is Luann.)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Lets all get to know each other better, people I see pretty much every goddamn day!” –2+2=7

“In the Luann universe, inviting a bunch of people over to eat lasagna is the closest you can get to an orgy.” –ectojazzmage

“In most jurisdictions, police cars are white and covered in lights and reflective panels so they can speed relatively safely through traffic. But why give away your position to criminals like that? Better to just paint your police car charcoal black all over, including the headlights. On balance, the extra road deaths are slightly outweighed by the extra criminal deaths!” –Schroduck

“Shan’t leave this evidence behind, wouldn’t be cricket now, would it? Her Majesty dasn’t even think of such a thing, God Save Her. Anyway, the bobbies are on the way, pip pip, old boy, and toodles to the incriminating little blighters. Man, why did I wait so long to get in line at villain college. That’s why I ended up as British Internal Monologue Man. Well, at least I beat out old Billy and didn’t end up as Cockney Rhyming Boy, or I’d be right Brahms and Liszt!” –Voshkod

“Mary Worth’s grey vegan lasagna or Belle Batsfry’s colorful, poisoned lasagna: which would you eat?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I always keep the salt and pepper shaker 3 feet away because my food is wonderful on its own.” –beer farmer

“‘I’m glad to have your company, Dawn,’ Mary says, as if she is some helpless shut-in, when she is in fact omnipresent and omnipotent.” –Violet

“‘This date is going great!,’ thinks Dustin. ‘She’s so concerned about my appearance that she hasn’t noticed my personality yet.’” –Nevin, on Patreon

“These strips are so unrealistic. Niki thinking far enough in advance to reserve a table? And doing it successfully? Preposterous.” –Hibbleton

“Lady, the two of you have the exact same face except you’re wearing lipstick. Let’s not throw stones here.” –Dan

“‘Going to Lou’s to see Big Sandy’ sounds vaguely mob-related. Especially when combined with a job as a mechanic. What if Niki joins the mob as a goodfella? What if it ropes in Rex and he gets blackmailed to be a mob doctor? What if interesting and bonkers Rex Morgan plot twists happened in the strip instead of just in my brain?” –Drew Funk