“So … okay, Brad’s using his left hand to wash Toni’s right shoulder. That makes sense. And Toni’s using her left hand to … wash Brad’s left shoulder. With a second bar of exactly-the-same-size soap that’s in there for some reason. Picture this (I’m sorry). Really picture this (I’m so sorry). Imagine (I’M SORRY OKAY) reaching all the way across your body to wash what is almost certainly the least dirty place on your partner’s body and then transitioning, somehow, into making out. Toni almost certainly elbowed Brad in the chin before she — okay, you know what, I’m gonna stop right there; no no, don’t get up, I’ll arrest myself.” –els

“Yeah, I suppose when you run away from your problems to live in a place where you have no responsibilities you stop asking yourself ‘what should I do?’ because the question is essentially moot. Whatever you want, or nothing at all! These Norwegians aren’t going to ask anything of you, especially not after learning about your considerable wealth and extensive connections to deadly mercenaries.” –pugfuggly

“I think it’s great that they still do the Kitty Korner. Some Robert Saluca of Ithaca, NY, may be squinting in confusion at Heathcliff wearing a helmet that says ‘butter’ while carving a giant statue of himself from butter as the kid says ‘It’s butter season,’ but god damned if he’s not going to tell the world about Bosco’s avocados.” –Dan

“‘Father’s Day tragedy in Hootin’ Holler, a man and two children drowned while trying to float on ramshackle fake lily pads,’ announced the radio, since TVs are too modern.” –nescio

“Four times longer? Come now, Brad, you’re not fooling anyone. Unless your showers are normally 30 seconds long.” –the autumn and the scarlet, on BlueSky

“I appreciate the awkwardly-shaped speech bubble in the second panel ensuring that we get a good look at Barry’s narcissistic portrait throughout the entire strip. This guy’s self-absorbed, everyone! He’s not like our virtuous main characters, who diligently go to every Marvel movie they release! That’s like always going to Mass, but for nerds!” –Vulpes

“Foot stuff and clown stuff and cuckolding stuff? Normally you’d have to pay hundreds for niche content like this, and here they’re just giving it away for free in the newspaper.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers will lie in bed for a good 10 minutes, then a lousy 20, then a just-plain-sad 45.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Betty Cooper! She lost her navel in the Smooth Skin Crisis of aught-five.” –Victor Von

“Some may wonder about the logistics of how Brad and Toni are doing this on the floor of a 48×36? shower stall, but one must remember that, to the average Luann reader, this so-called ‘secks(?)’ is an enigmatic closed-doors ritual to which they will never be privy, probably due in part to the fact they read Luann, so the realism of the situation doesn’t actually matter much.” –vtuberneedle

“See, I didn’t think the couple was inching down out of frame; I assumed the ‘camera’ was discreetly tilting upward. I realize that means I also think Brad has a shower head that’s about nine or ten feet high, but I mean the shower also spits a drizzle of coarse black effluent, so there’s a lot about this plumbing installation that’s nonstandard.” –Shoe Substitutes

“Everything about Charlotte’s body language says she is as impatient with this inane bullshit as we are. Thank you, Charlotte, for fuming at this so we don’t have to.” –richardf8

“Thanks! And you look like a junior counselor at an evangelical Christian youth camp. What happened to the slinky Parisian fashions and the L.A. babe outfits?” –Ukulele Ike

“Tommy Tommy Tommy, all this talk about Tommy and no mention of how or when Charterstone and its residents were moved to a remote, possibly alien, wilderness.” –Hibbleton

“The question of how old Marvin actually is has baffled generations, but it turns out the answer is ‘old enough to get beat up by a martial arts student’ and honestly that’s fine with me.” –TheDiva

“She’s played the same 4 notes over and over for days. June knows that sound well, since it’s her ringtone.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘If he can change, so can I! I vow that by the end of summer, I will have a recognizable personality trait!’ ‘Maybe set your sights on achievable goals, dear.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Crankshaft says that alcoholism might ruin the relationship with your children, but Beetle Bailey argues that being drunk might save your marriage! In a time of political polarisation, it’s good that the funnies page hosts a healthy debate!” –Ettorre

“Dammit, Crankshaft! You used to have integrity! While the Funkyverse descended around you into introspective depression and grinding misery, you kept it real with awful pseudo-puns and contrived malapropisms. But now? They’ve done you dirty, Crankshaft, they’re doing a Barney Google on you, and you’re not even fighting it! Rage, O Crankshaft, rage against the dying of the feeble-pun-related light!” –Hergen

“She came out to a deserted beach dragging a chair, a laptop, and a bottle of sunscreen. Sounds pretty dumb. Until you compare it to the guy who just brought shorts and a towel.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Garfield, you fool! Never accept food or drink from the Fair Folk! Now you must spend 1,000 Mondays beneath the brugh, dancing the accursed reels of the Unseelie! There will not be any lasagna!” –Navigator

“The strip has drifted so far from its original intended audience that now we celebrate woke pluggers who refuse to use toxic herbicides.” –Hibbleton

“Is there a word for the disorientation one feels when looking at crudely drawn people about to tuck into photorealistic food? I’m thinking something from German.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“[Deep breath] According to Catholic theologian and philosopher John F. Haught, mystery emerges from the profound experience of simultaneously butting up against unanswerable ‘limit questions’ arising from such fields as science, ethics, criticism, politics, and logic and experiencing some deep, inexhaustible ineffable power promising us a hope-filled future. [Exhale] In Rex Morgan, M.D., mystery arises from the big GO AWAY I’M RETIRED sign on a Hollywood star’s mansion. God lives in the future, the star serves coffee. It’s really the same, if you stop to think about it.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Is it just me, or is the second panel of RMMD just the first panel but zoomed in? Did all the effort go into drawing the camera? Come on, man, have some dignity.” –Austria

“I am the 1970s Excitement Fairy! I hope you like disco and cocaine!” –Voshkod

“Biz is just trying desperately to get comfortable, since he somehow put on shorts without a tail hole.” –MKay

“Good news: the writer of Shoe remembered that his characters are birds and have feathers. Bad news: it’s over — and I mean, really, really over — for twerking. There’s no coming back from this.” –Joe Blevins

“Mr. President, two of the unaccounted-for clones have survived, and made contact with the Original Luann! I’m not sure we can keep a lid on ‘Operation Why God?’ for much longer!” –A Grave Mind

“Actually, his father invented something much more important than uniforms to the Funkyverse: the last panel pun that’s not really a pun but just the same word with the same meaning.” –Schroduck

“No, Tommy, don’t say you can’t swim just before an outing to Chekhov Beach…” –But What Do I Know?

“Finally we learn the story behind Harry’s pathological obsession with selling candy to pay for high school band uniforms: in order to live up to his father’s legacy, he bought the entire class tailor-made uniforms every year. Bespoke clothing doesn’t come cheap, so if all of Westview had to get type 2 diabetes to soothe his daddy issues, well, that was a price he was willing to pay.” –Vulpes

“OMG cartoonists, those shirts are fantastic, please do this in every comic to label every character! Even the major ones! I’d love to never have to remember the name of Dustin’s dad!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Blondie’s face has the exact same expression in all three panels, and I think it’s great!

Panel 1: Her smile conveys polite, professional interest.
Panel 2: That same smile is friendly and inquisitive. She feels closer to her clients than before!
Panel 3: Blondie’s smile is now frozen on her face in horror! These alleged surfers don’t have money! It’s the worst thing that could happen to her.” –Victor Von

“Are you marketing executives? Because you just invented some names for products related to a specific theme, but you have given no practical information on how these products should be made.” –Ettorre

“Maybe Blondie started her catering business because she thinks of herself as a high-end chef who likes to experiment with interesting and potentially dangerous flavor combinations, like those wasabi waffles. Meanwhile, Dagwood’s tastes are far more pedestrian. He prefers foods like ham, pot roast, pizza, diner chili, midnight leftovers, and of course, sandwiches of size. Meanwhile, his favorite seasonings are salt, more salt, ‘pass the salt, please,’ and, for a thrill, three slices of pepper jack.” –BigTed

“I live in Kansas City. The music scene here would eat Loon alive, with really good barbecue sauce.” –Basil Wishbone

“Notice how the gorilla in the background is holding its hand to its head as psychics are often depicted in comics. Clearly the implication is that the gorillas in this sanctuary are all actually telepathically threatening and controlling the owners of the place to carry out their schemes. The son desperately wants to warn Mark, but one of the Silverbacks make sure he can be seen and thus the consequences of challenging the new world order known.” –ectojazzmage

“When Prussian gymnast and bodybuilder Joseph Pilates developed a mind-body method of strength training with a spring-based apparatus in the early 20th century — one that would become popular with ballet dancers and eventually enter the mainstream fitness world — he never could have known that many decades later, a U.S. federal court would declare that his very last name was a generic term, and that anyone could use the word ‘Pilates,’ whether or not they joined the Pilates Method Alliance professional organization. Heck, they could even have a talking dog mispronounce his name in a comic strip as a way of making a cheap pun, if they wanted to. It’s a funny, funny world sometimes, even if you wouldn’t know that from the punchline.” –BigTed

“Is ‘Chill and Cuddle’ just ‘Netflix and Chill,’ but you avoid referencing the trademark because it could create legal problems? Or does it imply a lower grade of physical affections, i.e., handjobs?” –Ettorre

“You know Dawn, its one thing when someone makes a self-deprecating joke about the tenuousness of their state of sobriety, its another when your barely-friend jumps in to agree. ‘Haha, it’s true: it’s only by the grace of God that you’re not relapsing right now! It’s funny ‘cuz you’re weak!’” –pugfuggly

“Sure, why not lead off your comic strip about the tenuous nature of sobriety with a quote from noted teetotaler Winston Churchill?” –TimP

“The artist may be trying to draw ‘tender moment just before lips meet,’ but I see ‘Mae Mae falling asleep on her feet waiting for the kiss, Mud missing this (and her lips!) as his lean-in overbalances and they both tumble to the floor, Mae gently snoring.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Look at that fox’s expression; it’s obvious that Beetle didn’t do any digging at all, just commandeered a hole and rendered a noble beast of the wilderness homeless. Whatever Beetle pieces are left by Sarge’s pummeling will be eaten with great satisfaction as the fox returns to its diggings.” –Buck Ripsnort

“You’re so unappreciative, Sarge! You know how long it took for me to get the fox for this foxhole? I got bit a hundred times! Oh, uh, by the way, does army health insurance cover rabies vaccinations? Just curious.” –ectojazzmage

“And she looks for information the way all kids today would: in a giant, hardcover book that looks like something a wizard might use when casting a spell.” –Joe Blevins

“The old guy next door said this kid spends his whole day wandering the neighborhood unsupervised, thinks the social worker, but that’s clearly the least of it. What sort of sick psychosexual drama is this woman playing out, putting on an apron and fixing a full supper for a six-year-old in the middle of the day? Is this going on TikTok, or worse? Good thing he called me. ‘No, thank you, Alice, was it? It’s a little early for sherry, don’t you think? Now let’s just take a quick look at this paperwork.’” –a.

“Dennis’s drinking glass is also full of mashed potatoes, if the way that straw is sticking straight up is anything to go by.” –Vulpes

“‘Do you mean the controlling being that I’m beholden to in an infinite number of ways? The Forge of the Keys and the Opener of the Ways? The Igniter and Devourer of Stars? The Alpha, Omega, and [infrasonic scream]? The Marrow in my Bones and the Beat of my Heart?’ ‘Ba.’ ‘Oh, well, it is not a man, it is something both beyond and beneath humanity. It’s also not toilet trained.’” –Voshkod

“On the flip side, the father’s imaginative comebacks are doing untold damage to the baby’s language development. The baby makes a best effort at ‘want food’ and gets a three-minute soliloquy on the funk-rock genre. The baby tries again and the father talks about circus acrobats. It won’t be long before the kid gives up on language as a bad idea.” –Ken

“At this point, Lonnie should go full-metal passive aggressive, and stick around. ‘Hey, guys, how’s stuff? Anybody wanna buy any of the shit I guess I sell? Nah, nah, I’m still not a member of Steely Dan.’” –A Grave Mind

“‘Baby, you put the cum in cumulonimbus!’ (I am so sorry.)” –Pozzo

“It’s only taken a few decades, but someone has finally noticed how rich Jim Davis is and has decided to get Heathcliff into the merchandising racket. ‘Oh boy! It’s Heathcliff’s car! Can I get it, mommy?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“By bursting in and ominously declaring ‘Your days are numbered,’ Grandma Keane wanted to destroy her family psychologically through paranoia. But what she didn’t account for is that they’re also very stupid.” –Schroduck

“Welcome to Plot Synopsis, the Animated Series…” –Victor Von