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That’s right, daddy-o: The COTW is here, and it’s sick (complimentary):

“Goddammit, Mud, this is Glenwood! If you don’t think it can support an off-brand Alamo Drafthouse, you haven’t been paying attention to all the men with muttonchops ’round these parts!” –Tabby Lavalamp

The runners up are also totally awesome:

“I wouldn’t be surprised if both of these toddlers were surprisingly athletic — it takes a lot of core strength to sit on a backless stool like that without falling over.” –BigTed

“People said I was crazy to open a store that sold nothing but gum and then just call it Gum. And, sure, it depleted my bank account and cost me my family. Well, look at me now! There’s a line of six people waiting to get into Gum. Because this is the place that weird cat did that weird thing!” –Joe Blevins

“In a world of unrelenting change, it is nice to know there are a few constants, such as newspaper comics being completely and laughably unable to make topical references on-time instead of months after the topic has begun sliding off the radar.” –ectojazzmage

“I feel as if every new Rex Morgan storyline could start with the phrase ‘What does this have to do with anything?’ and we’ll only get the answer about half the time.” –pugfuggly

“You claim this is a new recipe, but this is just a mixture of proteins, carbs, and condiments, most of which you have used in previous meals! When are we going to get something radically different, like tasting solar plasma or a pure concept?!?!” –Ettorre

“All right, forensics says he was floating three feet above the stairs at an oblique angle, stiff as a board! How’d he get that way? Is he clip art? We’ve got a lot of questions and no answers!” –Victor Von

“I think the question on many minds is, how does a story line about an old movie house become medical? I have a theory. Two words: Popcorn Lung.” –Old School Allie Cat

“A plugger has not, in fact, mastered cutting his hair.” –Vulpes

“‘How hard can it be?’ If you decide to self-neuter, then you might be a plugger.” –GarrisonSkunk

“A brand new multiplex!? In 2026!? I guess there are a few advantages to living in the remote corners of the country that have still yet to receive rural broadband. (The main disadvantage is of course all the roots country you have to hear.)” –Schroduck

“I find it difficult to believe that the Wilsons use tiny umbrellas for everyday drinks. Too much whimsy. Martha probably put it in George’s drink to symbolically emasculate him, and gave him a straw to remind him that he sucks.” –nescio

“This kid’s mom knows he exists and she still lets him play video games with Dustin?” –matt w

“Toby understands Ian cheating on her — he was essentially cucked by her parrots, and would seek emotional validation elsewhere. But her newfound public persona as ‘bird savior’ is being undercut by the rumors. She either has to confront Ian and Mary, or else get a large bird like an ostrich or emu.” –Cab

“‘Was I not on my best behavior?’ ‘It’s not that — you just sucked.’” –Pozzo

“Just die already. Between you, Pluggers, and most of the cast of Crankshaft, it’s like you’re humblebragging about your inexplicable longevity.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“3D printing is just much, much more resource demanding per unit than making moulds to mass produce your plastic action figures. I think what this strip is trying to say is there’s not enough mass market appeal to make Blondie figures commercially viable.” –Amelie W

“‘Tough day?’ ‘Yeah, the boss still won’t get the break room TV fixed. We’re stuck on same channel all the time, and it’s not a good one. It’s called the Set-up Channel, and all it does is broadcast weird holiday factoids, recipes, and inane blabber.’” –Voshkod

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The gorgeous fall weather is arriving (your geoclimatic mileage may vary), so let’s enjoy it, and this comment of the week:

“Wow, good for Mother Goose — I’m so glad she’s finally living her truth! Now if only we could learn the truth about her alleged motherhood, or whatever nightmare creature she actually is because last time I checked geese don’t have enormous angular brow crests or shark fins(?) coming out of their heads? At least now we know her posterior head triangle is actually hair, which geese also don’t have.” –Manjack

Your runners up are also autumnally fantastic!

“Are the Crankshaft characters insulting their creator’s own art? This is a direction I could really enjoy.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“The funniest bit of this to me is that fact that Leroy and Loretta seem to be completely alone in there. It’s hard to imagine what kind of behaviour would clear out a bowling alley, but if anyone could do it, these two could.” –pugfuggly

“Sorry, not only do I not want to think of my carpet as being sentient, the thought of it having vision is absolutely terrifying. Full disclosure: I am nude sometimes. I have not found a way yet to change my underwear without getting into that state. Do I need to start rolling out a floor-sized blindfold to hide my shame from the Berber voyeur in my bedroom?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Some people say baseball is a slow, boring game, but give credit where it’s due, it’s a drug-free means of curing Hi’s insomnia in the throwaway panel.” –Philip

“What I love most about this is that a) that text box gives us way too much information and b) that information doesn’t even seem to be correct? I mean, is she putting mail on his desk, or pulling a (hopefully pre-opened) credit card bill from the middle of the [squints] notebook corral? Also, side note, but Toby — I know the print isn’t the biggest on those things, but that paper is two and a half centimeters from your face, so maaaaaaybe it’s time to visit an optometrist. Better or worse, Toby? Better or worse?!” –els

“Yesterday’s strip was the first time I noticed how low on his face Hi’s eyes are. Now when I look at him, it’s all I can see! That man’s visage is at least 40% forehead!” –Victor Von

“Now that a critical mass of newspaper comic strips have touched upon AI, it’s probably a good time to wager on the ol’ economic bubble popping in a matter of days.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“That’s not football, Alexander. That’s someone’s innovative variant on the clingfilm fetish. You’ll be famous!” –matt w

“Crazy to think we got a ‘Toby thinks Ian is cheating because she heard a rumor’ plot before an ‘Ian thinks Toby is cheating because she is married to Ian and who could blame her’ plot.” –Dan

“I’d like to think that panels 1 and 2 are unrelated, and Toby is just horrified because she remembered that Mary exists.” –Mr. A

“We were taking in the fall colours — literally taking them in! We’ve absorbed them all, draining them between Sunday and now, and only we can enjoy them! Bwa ha haa! Have fun in the dull boring green world while we’re looking inwards at gold and ruby-tinged nature!” –CanuckDownSouth

“He’s also got two different copies of The Watchtower to give us, Mommy, if you’ve just got a moment to listen to him!” –A Grave Mind

“Thel looks exactly the way you’d expect from a housewife from the early 1960s hearing about divorce for the first time. ‘You mean I can just … end my marriage, and everyone will be okay with that? Why didn’t I hear about this sooner?’” –TheDiva

“‘What brings you to the PARK!?’ ‘We were just enjoying the GRATUITOUS BOLDING!!!’” –Peanut Gallery

“In comics, characters rarely age or change. Gertie will remain in stasis, even as the memory of Dale Earnhardt recedes further and further into the past. There will come a time when the comic strip (produced by Mike Smith’s grandchildren or the AI content creators of GG Humor Amalgamated Inc.) depicts Gertie worshiping a race car driver who died before she was born. At that time, it will appear that she is longing for the days when NASCAR competitors were human beings rather than self-driving machines.” –Danny

“Wedding crashers Gerads and Darby have been the talk of the town. People have so many questions. Which one is which? Are they gay? Who does that blond guy think he’s fooling with that long hair when we can see that he’s balding on top, where it counts? What kind of pathetic loser crashes a wedding to intimidate a high school football coach? Yes, they’ve got people talking, all right!” –Joe Blevins

“Kudos to Brigman for having the evil parrot, El papagayo siniestra, depart from Toby’s left shoulder. It’s this level of attention to detail that pushes the suspension of disbelief.” –Hibbleton

“The Phantom’s first panel is funnier if you picture Mollusk sitting in a giant car seat.” –lynn

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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[insert vaguely topical joke leading into COTW here]

“The Perfesser seems to have an endless supply of uncles that he periodically kills for the sake of doing ‘bits’ with other people, his only real way of socially interacting with people. One day, unfortunately for him, Skyler will do the same with him.” –ectojazzmage

[continue on same riff while acknowledging that runners up are very funny here]

“But, confusingly, also a birdie.” –Roscoe

“The fact that Weirdly thought that simply demonstrating that he didn’t release his monstrosity on the innocent populace would absolve him of any guilt implies that the possession (and perhaps even creation) of such a creature is totally legal. When you consider that Weirdly has been making weird critters for years, it’s a sad indictment of the Forest Kingdom’s ability to pass important bioethics legislation. Only now that it has resulted in actual harm will anything get done, because as always, regulations are written in blood, or at least the tears of frightened rabbits.” –Vulpes

“To be fair, Marvin needs to change outfits three to four times a day on average thanks to his apocalyptic diaper blowouts; you can’t blame Jeff for not bothering to keep track.” –TheDiva

“Commissions, eh? Good thing Hank Harwood Jr. is too far away to see the art of someone’s furry OC getting eaten by an inflated Sonic the Hedgehog that ‘Horrible’ Hank Sr. is drawing for sweet sweet Patreon bucks!” –Schroduck

“See, this is what a good marriage is all about — teamwork. ‘I see you’re having trouble coming up with a punchline to that setup, honey. Let me help you out. Okay, that’s our work for today. I’m heading to the breakroom if you need me.’” –Joe Blevins

“What I wouldn’t give to have an all-powerful narration box in my life to come around, offer a reset, and provide me cover for when I’ve made a horrible narrative decision in my life. ‘Mighty Captain E sure made the wrong choice in that situation, but nobody witnessed that gaffe, so let’s just move on.’ Instead, my narration box constantly inserts itself in my brain to keep reminding me what a fool I am. ‘Oh boy, E sure screwed the pooch there. Let’s go over how many ways that will probably mess up his life.’” –The Mighty Captain E

“Are these two chuckleheads going to bomb a data center? Congratulations, Intelligent Life, for capturing my attention for the first and only time.” –Mr. A

“Now for the title change; I’m thinking Crank and the Shaft, where Crank and Shaft can be used interchangeably to refer to either man or robot.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“Hank Sr. is a retired cartoonist so he must be LOADED. Can’t he just buy a small island to get away from Buck and watch A Minecraft Movie in peace? (I kid, this is Rex Morgan, M.D., where Boomers are most likely watching old Mexican luchador films.)” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m more concerned about the mere presence of bare feet. Is this part of standard of care for mental health now? Is Dr. Bonkus a psychia-podiatrist? I have so many questions!” –Scott Christian Simmons

“Unfortunately, the fastest lines at Costco are self-checkout, which don’t allow alcohol. So Leroy had to start over in a much longer one, because he knew he couldn’t get through the month without several giant bottles of Kirkland Signature American Vodka. I mean, look at him — he’s obviously so happy because he just got very drunk at an affordable price.” –BigTed

“Look how happy Nelly is now. This storyline started with Nelly hating everything about life, and now she has a reason to get up every morning and chat with her neighbors. What a heartwarming resolution!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“I like how that last panel implies that [blond child whose name I can’t remember] got Dustin a frozen dessert before breaking the news that he’s a moron. Just to let him down a bit easier.” –pugfuggly

“I’m glad Mary Worth is really putting in the shoe leather to show us this rumor spreading. A lesser comic strip would have four days’ worth of strips like this before deciding that we get the gist, but Mary Worth is dedicated to showing us each link in the rumor chain until every single Charterstonian knowns. Wake me up in three months when Wilbur lays flowers on Aldo’s grave and says, ‘Oh, by the way, Aldo, you’ll never guess who Mary’s been cavorting with…’” –Abram Beazer

“One thing’s for sure, the kid’s eyebrows are going to be on its hair.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘What have you heard, Alma?’ ‘The Charterstone condo board is making Professor Cameron wear a scarlet A!’” –Bob Tice

“Careful, Alma — when you tell a lie, your neck grows longer.” — Pozzo

“This is giving me mad, possibly Dutch, supervillain interrogated by French detective: ‘Ze gendarme will escort you to ze Palais de Justice Juvenile, where we have ze young m’sieur Orlov on suspicion of ze … how you say? Steroid abuse, oui. I will speak to Mr. Zhil Thor’ momentaire. Are you steel defiant, Coach?’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I don’t have time for this, Charles Bronson, I have to sing ‘Time Love and Tenderness’ at the Nobunga Casino in an hour!” –2+2=7

[cut and paste boilerplate on subscriptions here]

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!