“I couldn’t understand how these four sentences could constitute a joke, or even a coherent series of statements, until I suddenly solved the puzzle: you’re supposed to read the panels in reverse order! Check it out: ‘Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. However, in the grand scheme of things… I think everyone is entitled to speak their minds… and that’s the way I think we should run this country!’ Now all of a sudden there is a logical order of thought — initial observation, followed by counterpoint, clarification, and conclusion/call to action. The ‘joke’ is that Herbert is literally experiencing life backwards, yet he has a forward-thinking perspective on the social contract.” –Franklin Delano Loafing

“Slylock dresses as a rat because, like Robby, rats are criminals. Every one of them. And shrews, also biologically crooked. Subscribe to his substack and listen to his weekly podcast ‘Shut Up, Max, I’m Talking,’ but only if you can handle the TRUTH!” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘Hey, I know you!’ ‘Max, it’s me. Slylock.’ ‘Right! Slylock Fox from the funny pages! Wow!’ ‘Max, we see each other every day.’ ‘Can I have your autograph?’ ‘Max, I … you know what? Sure. Let me get a pen.’” –Joe Blevins

“Going to stop reading today’s Mary Worth after the first panel and imagine where it might go from there. ‘What a bombshell from Tommy! But I suppose troubled dreams can bring on all sorts of changes.’” –Dan

“The Perfesser dully encourages his elderly fellow barfly to keep drinking, heedless of his health, so he doesn’t have to stay at the bar alone. This took Eugene O’Neill four acts.” –matt w

“Sometimes a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman is just a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman, get your minds out of the gutter, everybody! [IMAGE SAVED]” –A Grave Mind

“Just imagining that Air Bud moment when Rudy‘s owner tries to convince the track association that actually there’s no rule that says you can’t ride an ostrich, before the official taps the top of the page where the words HORSE RACING are in large bold font.” –pugfuggly

“Comic strips are written with the intention of being published on set days of the week. Did the Monday strip really need to announce it’s taking place on ‘Wander Wednesday’? ‘Meander Monday’ was right there.” –Rube

“Wait, the Devil keeps an ‘author’ sign on his own desk? I feel that more exploration of this ‘Satan overcompensates for his crippling insecurity’ theme is needed.” –Dmsilev

“So judging by that sign this is taking place at the Akron Comic-Con, and yet two of these children are just dressed as, like, generic witches and magical princesses? Halloween’s over, kids, this is Comic-Con! Be like your friend and show off your loyalty to the licensed properties that have dominated the media landscape since before you were born!” –Vulpes

“I think it’s well established by now that Marvin’s family pay only a token amount of attention to him for establishing plausible deniability and otherwise just let him roam free so he gets killed by a wild animal or exposure to the elements or something. It hasn’t worked so far, but hope springs eternal.” –ectojazzmage

“This is the second time in as many weeks we’ve been forced to contemplate Dustin’s dad in the nude. I believe in not kinkshaming but I actually think I’m gonna shame this one a little.” –Navigator

“Like all computers, the one in Crankshaft is sentient and capable of holding a conversation. But I guess in recognition of its extreme age it uses weird folksy English like ‘it was mainframes that helped.’ What other clever bits of worldbuilding are hidden in this comic? Is the Spider-man logo having the legs on the wrong body part one of them? Please, I need some explanation for why this was made.” –pachoo

“Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. But some opinions are not. Mine, for instance.” –Peanut Gallery

“It appears that in order to justify his deep loathing of his own son, Marvin’s dad has given him a cap of the opposite color to his own, presumably meant to suggest that he put the hat of a rival team on his head as an excuse to not look at Marvin for as long as possible.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting and you really want to blurt it,
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“What they’re not showing is the back of the shirt, which reads ‘DNR.’” –Old School Allie Cat

“Like many suburban dads, Marvin’s father is unaccountably mad that Jay-Z chose himself to be the halftime performer at next year’s Super Bowl. ‘Self-dealing is wrong! Well, I’ll show him — I’m going to spend his entire set knee-deep in my filthy son’s diapers! Oh, Beyoncé might appear? Never mind.’”–BigTed

“Clearly the Wodehouses fully exsanguinated Nurse Zippy to transfuse Wendell Wodehouse VI before dumping her into ye olde industrial canal. That should buy him another 2-3 weeks of agonizing infirmity.” –Charterstone: Dune

“‘How can a kid get in trouble in the middle of a desert?’ I dunno man, maybe because IT’S A FUCKING DESERT? YOU KNOW, THE HOTTEST, DRIEST, DEADEST PLACES ON EARTH?” –Schroduck

“When partners on the force trust each other, they don’t even have to say, ‘That’s what she said.’ It’s just understood.” –Anonymous

“I must believe, in these dark days, that along with walking the dog, Saul puts on a full suit to trim tree branches and return his ‘broken’ cell phone (it’s turned off). Live your bit, Saul.” –A Grave Mind

“If you fashion a chunk of flesh into a car, the ghost will be forced to possess the vehicle and compel it to move. On the one hand, it’s an atrocity to capture an immortal soul and bind it to labour for all eternity. On the other hand, it’s good for the environment.” –Schroduck

“Oh, just dump some dead leaves on the grill and burn them, Hi. No one will mind! Have a leaf huffing party. Definitely invite Thirsty.” –made of wince

“People will gossip about things they don’t comprehend, like me being attracted to a woman over 50. Speaking of which, I see you have a birthday coming up, but never mind that.” –Taylor Handsome

“The butcher explaining that this ham is haunted leads me to believe he’s the one who sold it to Heathcliff after the cat came in and nonverbally asked for meat so infested with the spirits of the dead it could be used as a means of self-propelled transportation. Heathcliff wanting such a whimsical thing is par for the course, but the fact that the butcher was able to provide it makes me think his MEAT store is hiding some dark secrets. What other unnatural flesh does he have in the back of his shop, where his normal customers can’t see it? Possessed pork? Ghostly guanciale?” –Vulpes

“The Rex Morgan narration box asked ‘Who shall we drop in on next?’ and then didn’t wait for an answer. Rude.” –matt w

“Pluggers regret so many of their life choices; this is simply one of them.” –TheDiva

“Ah, yes, two children running their Halloween algorithms on a tablet. Alboorithms? Alghostrithms! Anyhow, normal kid behavior! Happy Halloween!” –Victor Von

“Was it that obvious? I was hoping for a circular conversation that went nowhere for a couple of hours while we all got frustrated and eventually agreed to just go our separate ways so we can justify a bad review on Yelp.” –Anonymous

“‘Was it that obvious?’ Yes, you are in a legacy strip, jokes need to be spelled out or they won’t work (they don’t work anyway)!” –Ettorre

“I was about to comment that Superman on the shelf there has a horrifically broken humerus, until I realized that there’s no S on the chest insignia. Rather, there’s a C, possibly for Calcium Deficiency Man. But on closer inspection, the shopkeeper’s arms are equally mangled. So this is just a world where the majority of the population suffers from arm-rickets, I suppose.” –Lauralot

“The comics today gave us a glimpse of Dustin’s dad’s nipple, and the angry mob will be convening at noon. I have a few torches and a couple of extra pitchforks for anyone who needs them.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Imagination, child? Oh, yes, we have items that run on imagination, belief, awe, and terror. Toys that will raise your soul to the heights of Paradise and the depths of the Abyss. Toys of wonder and delight and shock and depravity. Are you ready, child? Truly ready? Then I present you with this … fidget spinner. Now get the fuck out of my store.” –Voshkod

“You want to talk about truly amazing technology, Dag? Your own wife has a robot clone of herself capable of pretending to converse with you. It comes preloaded with phrases like ‘I’ll say!’ and ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself, dear.’” –Joe Blevins

“Mary will stop at nothing in her quest to find the rumor-spreader at Charterstone — including walking into Dawn’s bedroom unannounced. Hey, lady, get a warrant.” –TK

“‘Bring Your Own Booze?’ ‘No. Birds You Ogle Briefly.’” –Bob Tice

“How can you not be impressed by the utter genius of Mary Worth? Not only did they throw another long, drawn-out, utterly boring storyline with a stubby, dissatisfying resolution right in our faces, but now they’re making us sit through it again — backwards!” –Boomer

“I like to imagine that these quotes pop into Rev. Croom’s head in the form of one of those scrolling electronic sign boards. He has no control over it, might as well just sit back and enjoy the show!” –Peanut Gallery

“Hope Mary likes 20 minutes of Tommy looking thoughtful and going, ‘Let’s see … I know it was from a … person. They had eyes, and … I think hands. No, they had hands. I’m pretty sure.’” –Dan

“Where did you hear that false rumor, Tommy? I repeat — false rumor. No, I’m not worried about the true one, Mr. Allora and I find it titillating to hear the speculations about our activities. It spices things up.” –CanuckDownSouth

“Smokey is still capable of whacking potential meals with his shovel and pureeing them into smoothies, a fact that mockers would do well to remember.” –MKay

“The onesie may say ‘clown,’ but the hat shrieks ‘hobo.’ And I suppose the mask adds subtle hints of crazed supervillain. With such mismatched accoutrements, it is clear that Jeffy, as usual, doesn’t know what day it is and is just blurting out guesses.” –But What Do I Know?

“Gossipy to the point of being almost wildly out of hand! In other words, manageably out of hand! And since ‘out of hand’ means ‘suffering a loss of control,’ ‘manageably out of hand’ is a nonsense phrase! I guess what I’m saying, Mary, is that my dialogue balloon could have been half the length it is, but I doubt that would have made it any more interesting!” –Six Nit Pix

“‘What’s this, Ian?’ ‘A demonstrative pronoun. But that’s not important now.’” –Bob Tice

“So Toby, I’ve arranged a surprise weeklong vacation for us in the near future! I just assumed you wouldn’t actually be doing much of anything that week, am I right? I mean, you don’t have any responsibilities or activities going on that you couldn’t just cancel at the last minute. Okay, I guess what I’m asking is, what do you do all day, every day? I’m curious, as your husband, but we’d all like to know!” –BigTed

“Hi is hallucinating after Lois whacked him on the head with a frying pan after insinuating she doesn’t know where London is or what time zones are.” –Hibbleton

“Finally the real story can begin, where Toby goes vigilante and Taken-style, she works her way through Charterstone’s seedy underbelly to find the source of the vile rumor. This will also act as something of a reboot for the strip as she eliminates some of its beloved character — and also Wilbur — one by one on her way to Nelly. Talkin’, in theaters this Christmas, starting whoever the woman equivalent of Liam Neeson is.” –Charterstone: Dune

“Augie, you are way too happy about having the opportunity to explain something to your girlfriend.” –matt w

“Judge Parker has mercy on its readers occasionally. Here, for instance, they give us a moment to appreciate this quaint cottage in this bucolic, autumnal setting before showing us the tiresome creatures who dwell within it. Take out the word balloon, and that first panel could be a painting in a motel room!” –Joe Blevins

“Wouldn’t the Rhymes With Orange strip be so much more horrifying if the entrepreneurial tortoise still had some of its shell? At first, he just needed a quick buck, so he made some jewelry out of the edges of his shell, a small corner he could live without. But as time goes by, he can’t resist the siren call of easy money, so he starts chipping away at more and more of his shell. Mutilating his own body for greed, knowing full well that the closer he gets to his spine, the higher the risk of permanent injury or untreatable infection, but once he started, he can’t stop himself. That’d be compelling, but I guess a mildly amusing visual is also a valid way to handle that idea.” –AndyL

“Rather than rearranging the living room so that Blondie and Dagwood can both see the TV, they moved the TV so that neither of them can watch it. It’s not what I would have done, but given the eager way they both comment on what they hear every few seconds, it seems like they’re enjoying this setup more than ever.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“‘He sure gets around!‘ says Blondie in apparent surprise. Of course he does, Blondie! That’s his whole deal!” –Vulpes

“‘You didn’t have computers when you were my age?’ ‘No, but we had more freedom to explore the outside world before helicopter parenting.’ ‘Helicopter parenting? Didn’t you notice that my uncle dropped me unsupervised in a diner to talk with old strangers?’” –Ettorre

“Ah, my friends are happy. That’s worth all the secretive planning I’ve had to do these past few weeks. Now, when they least expect it, I can strike. Time to set the timer on the bomb and excuse myself. We’ll free up a couple of those rent-controlled apartments yet!” –Voshkod

“Oh man the nurse is weird and slightly odd-looking which means villain, but has the name ‘Gladys Gooding’ which you know is obviously a good-guy name. So I don’t know what to think. This is literally the most suspense I’ve felt from a Dick Tracy story.” –Andrew Millar

“Every day is 9/11 if you’re an aggrieved plugger.” –JW

“You’re a plugger if the cost of remediating the lead paint and asbestos in your alma mater exceeded its value as a building.” –ComicallyChallenged

“To be fair to Dick, if I ran into Gladys, I would assume she was a dominatrix, or possibly a nun. ‘Actual trained medical professional’ would be somewhere around my fifth guess.” –Navigator

“Wilbur would like Mary to know that Charterstone is a very gossipy place, and if you hear something unsavory about someone it probably isn’t true. In fact, maybe he’ll say it again, louder, so a few more people at the party can hear. Are there single women here? Maybe he should call them over, it’s very important to Wilbur that they know this.” –Dan

“I’d have to say my biggest regret is continuing to hold you with some level of esteem even when you continue to be nothing but a net negative influence on my life and well-being.” –Lionheart

“What … is this expression on Toby? I’m really asking. They could have drawn her with mouth doing literally anything else — vacuous smile, vacuous toothy grin, etc. — but instead, she’s gaping like the most gormless of baby birds. Is she … singing to him? Is she gently telling him that his beard is stuck in her hair? Whatever she’s doing, Ian’s pained grimace is pretty funny. Sorry, buddy, you did this on purpose; tell you what, bring the parrots to Maui with you to distract her and it’ll be like you’re not even there.” –els

“Why specifically a circus stilt walker? Is that more respectable than, say, a freelance stilt walker who hires out for parties and events, or someone who does it merely as a hobby? Can you even apply the word ‘respectable’ to someone who walks around in long stripy pants?” –TheDiva

“In books intended for parents to read to small children, a commonly employed gambit is to put in questions that the child can easily answer if they’ve been paying any attention at all to the preceding pages. This rewards the child by making them feel smarter than the characters in the book. Everyone who read the first panel of today’s Mary Worth and called out ‘I know, I know! It was Nelly!,’ give yourselves a cookie.” –Peanut Gallery