“Q: Why is the sky in Pluggertown dingy pink, while the bushes are an angry, orangey red? A: Pluggertown is a physical part of Hell! Seems impossible, but that’s the magic of the comic page!” –Victor Von

“A group of citizens driving in a vehicle decorated with ‘My Other Car is a Tractor’ stickers pull up while the driver announces into the CB: ‘Cancel the silver alert. We found him.’” –Hibbleton

“The fourth panel is amazing. This is probably the first time in decades that Mary — basically an omniscient being if not straightforwardly omnibenevolent — was caught flat-footed by lack of information on her target. She panicked, but quickly recovered. Still, she will have to put more money in the secret police.” –Ettorre

“Goddammit, I actually have been brainstorming baby names the last couple of days. I think it should be something fire-related. Torch? Scorch? Are those names? How about Ashley?” –Joe Blevins

“I refuse to believe the Pluggerville city limit just has a simple road sign, and not an elaborate sign that says ‘Welcome to Pluggerville: Pop. 15,420’ (number frequently updated), with 20 badges for Rotary, Moose, Elk, and VFW clubs. (Which blocks another sign suddenly dropping the speed limit from 45 to 25, which is how the town gets all its civic funding.)” –BigTed

“Herb has done something that made national news, and he’s desperately waiting for something worse to happen.” –johnny lt

“This really is a SIGN OF THE TIMES: Alice is the last person left on the planet who still sends personal emails.” –Schroduck

“Alice’s friend desperately throws out setups for jokes in the hope Alice will provide a punchline. Alice steadfastly refuses. They have been going at this for hours.” –ectojazzmage

“Pretty sad that while most little boys will dream of being pilots, these two dream of one day catching a standby flight to Des Moines.” –pugfuggly

“For Mary Worth, ‘Joy’s something that’s been lacking in my life. Let me tell you why…’ is about as direct and effective as foreplay gets. Look at her face! She entered this apartment moments ago ready to annihilate the condo’s resident gossip. Now she’s halfway to climax! If Dr. Jeff only knew these magic words, she’d never let him leave the house.” –Kevyn on Video

“Does Thirsty also get a new pillow case? Or is that what the underwear is for?” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“As he stared at the water bottle, the chill of autumn and the peace of the woods was ripped away, and he was back in the humidity of the Ia Drang valley, the chatter of the Viet Cong machine guns like a hundred sewing machines, the shadows of the gunships zipping overhead. Sarge was down and the LT was panicking and Gooney and Blackie had been hit and then that sudden impact on his hip, his side and leg wet, and he knew this was it, a hit to the femoral and his blood was everywhere but when he put his hand on it there was no pain, just cool water, and his canteen, the canteen he had filled to the brim that morning, had taken the round meant to kill him. ‘Could a plastic water bottle do that?’ he screamed to the uncaring autumn sky while his children tried, once again, to get him to see the VA psychiatrist.” –Voshkod

“Back in my day, the only way to get a canteen of water was to join the army and go to war. What’s that? Really? Shoot, guess I got had.” –BillieVee

“Alice cartoonist, why do you assume the recipient of Alice’s gift needs etiquette training? Maybe s/he just really doesn’t like Alice! Worth considering!” –Uncle Lumpy

“You might think this tiny man wouldn’t be very useful in combat, but judging by his gnarled hand he’s actually a powerful ancient wizard, and I’m sure such a person would be good to have on your side during the Korean War.” –Vulpes

“Since the writer of this strip can’t be arsed to even pretend to relate it to anything resembling legal drama, let me do it for you: Kat fails to get the part, divorces Ronnie, the settlement of which hinges on whether an ‘anything could happen’ shrug constitutes an implied contract.” –Charterstone: Dune

“One of the benefits of ignoring the official Mary Worth site and only reading the strip sporadically on The Comics Curmudgeon is that you get to jump from the segue into Nelly Feneley/Fenele’s backstory (on Nov. 10) to the strip where the first line is, ‘You’re right, Mary’ (on Nov. 13) and it just saves everyone (me) a lot of time skipping over the tiresome stuff in between. We all know Mary’s going to end up being right, we don’t need to see how the dots get connected, or even what the dots are at all.” –JeffMcm

“I couldn’t understand how these four sentences could constitute a joke, or even a coherent series of statements, until I suddenly solved the puzzle: you’re supposed to read the panels in reverse order! Check it out: ‘Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. However, in the grand scheme of things… I think everyone is entitled to speak their minds… and that’s the way I think we should run this country!’ Now all of a sudden there is a logical order of thought — initial observation, followed by counterpoint, clarification, and conclusion/call to action. The ‘joke’ is that Herbert is literally experiencing life backwards, yet he has a forward-thinking perspective on the social contract.” –Franklin Delano Loafing

“Slylock dresses as a rat because, like Robby, rats are criminals. Every one of them. And shrews, also biologically crooked. Subscribe to his substack and listen to his weekly podcast ‘Shut Up, Max, I’m Talking,’ but only if you can handle the TRUTH!” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘Hey, I know you!’ ‘Max, it’s me. Slylock.’ ‘Right! Slylock Fox from the funny pages! Wow!’ ‘Max, we see each other every day.’ ‘Can I have your autograph?’ ‘Max, I … you know what? Sure. Let me get a pen.’” –Joe Blevins

“Going to stop reading today’s Mary Worth after the first panel and imagine where it might go from there. ‘What a bombshell from Tommy! But I suppose troubled dreams can bring on all sorts of changes.’” –Dan

“The Perfesser dully encourages his elderly fellow barfly to keep drinking, heedless of his health, so he doesn’t have to stay at the bar alone. This took Eugene O’Neill four acts.” –matt w

“Sometimes a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman is just a carrot being stroked by an elderly woman, get your minds out of the gutter, everybody! [IMAGE SAVED]” –A Grave Mind

“Just imagining that Air Bud moment when Rudy‘s owner tries to convince the track association that actually there’s no rule that says you can’t ride an ostrich, before the official taps the top of the page where the words HORSE RACING are in large bold font.” –pugfuggly

“Comic strips are written with the intention of being published on set days of the week. Did the Monday strip really need to announce it’s taking place on ‘Wander Wednesday’? ‘Meander Monday’ was right there.” –Rube

“Wait, the Devil keeps an ‘author’ sign on his own desk? I feel that more exploration of this ‘Satan overcompensates for his crippling insecurity’ theme is needed.” –Dmsilev

“So judging by that sign this is taking place at the Akron Comic-Con, and yet two of these children are just dressed as, like, generic witches and magical princesses? Halloween’s over, kids, this is Comic-Con! Be like your friend and show off your loyalty to the licensed properties that have dominated the media landscape since before you were born!” –Vulpes

“I think it’s well established by now that Marvin’s family pay only a token amount of attention to him for establishing plausible deniability and otherwise just let him roam free so he gets killed by a wild animal or exposure to the elements or something. It hasn’t worked so far, but hope springs eternal.” –ectojazzmage

“This is the second time in as many weeks we’ve been forced to contemplate Dustin’s dad in the nude. I believe in not kinkshaming but I actually think I’m gonna shame this one a little.” –Navigator

“Like all computers, the one in Crankshaft is sentient and capable of holding a conversation. But I guess in recognition of its extreme age it uses weird folksy English like ‘it was mainframes that helped.’ What other clever bits of worldbuilding are hidden in this comic? Is the Spider-man logo having the legs on the wrong body part one of them? Please, I need some explanation for why this was made.” –pachoo

“Some opinions are but a grain of sand on the beach. But some opinions are not. Mine, for instance.” –Peanut Gallery

“It appears that in order to justify his deep loathing of his own son, Marvin’s dad has given him a cap of the opposite color to his own, presumably meant to suggest that he put the hat of a rival team on his head as an excuse to not look at Marvin for as long as possible.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting and you really want to blurt it,
If you’re a plugger and you’re hurting wear a shirt!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“What they’re not showing is the back of the shirt, which reads ‘DNR.’” –Old School Allie Cat

“Like many suburban dads, Marvin’s father is unaccountably mad that Jay-Z chose himself to be the halftime performer at next year’s Super Bowl. ‘Self-dealing is wrong! Well, I’ll show him — I’m going to spend his entire set knee-deep in my filthy son’s diapers! Oh, Beyoncé might appear? Never mind.’”–BigTed

“Clearly the Wodehouses fully exsanguinated Nurse Zippy to transfuse Wendell Wodehouse VI before dumping her into ye olde industrial canal. That should buy him another 2-3 weeks of agonizing infirmity.” –Charterstone: Dune

“‘How can a kid get in trouble in the middle of a desert?’ I dunno man, maybe because IT’S A FUCKING DESERT? YOU KNOW, THE HOTTEST, DRIEST, DEADEST PLACES ON EARTH?” –Schroduck

“When partners on the force trust each other, they don’t even have to say, ‘That’s what she said.’ It’s just understood.” –Anonymous

“I must believe, in these dark days, that along with walking the dog, Saul puts on a full suit to trim tree branches and return his ‘broken’ cell phone (it’s turned off). Live your bit, Saul.” –A Grave Mind

“If you fashion a chunk of flesh into a car, the ghost will be forced to possess the vehicle and compel it to move. On the one hand, it’s an atrocity to capture an immortal soul and bind it to labour for all eternity. On the other hand, it’s good for the environment.” –Schroduck

“Oh, just dump some dead leaves on the grill and burn them, Hi. No one will mind! Have a leaf huffing party. Definitely invite Thirsty.” –made of wince

“People will gossip about things they don’t comprehend, like me being attracted to a woman over 50. Speaking of which, I see you have a birthday coming up, but never mind that.” –Taylor Handsome

“The butcher explaining that this ham is haunted leads me to believe he’s the one who sold it to Heathcliff after the cat came in and nonverbally asked for meat so infested with the spirits of the dead it could be used as a means of self-propelled transportation. Heathcliff wanting such a whimsical thing is par for the course, but the fact that the butcher was able to provide it makes me think his MEAT store is hiding some dark secrets. What other unnatural flesh does he have in the back of his shop, where his normal customers can’t see it? Possessed pork? Ghostly guanciale?” –Vulpes

“The Rex Morgan narration box asked ‘Who shall we drop in on next?’ and then didn’t wait for an answer. Rude.” –matt w

“Pluggers regret so many of their life choices; this is simply one of them.” –TheDiva

“Ah, yes, two children running their Halloween algorithms on a tablet. Alboorithms? Alghostrithms! Anyhow, normal kid behavior! Happy Halloween!” –Victor Von

“Was it that obvious? I was hoping for a circular conversation that went nowhere for a couple of hours while we all got frustrated and eventually agreed to just go our separate ways so we can justify a bad review on Yelp.” –Anonymous

“‘Was it that obvious?’ Yes, you are in a legacy strip, jokes need to be spelled out or they won’t work (they don’t work anyway)!” –Ettorre

“I was about to comment that Superman on the shelf there has a horrifically broken humerus, until I realized that there’s no S on the chest insignia. Rather, there’s a C, possibly for Calcium Deficiency Man. But on closer inspection, the shopkeeper’s arms are equally mangled. So this is just a world where the majority of the population suffers from arm-rickets, I suppose.” –Lauralot

“The comics today gave us a glimpse of Dustin’s dad’s nipple, and the angry mob will be convening at noon. I have a few torches and a couple of extra pitchforks for anyone who needs them.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Imagination, child? Oh, yes, we have items that run on imagination, belief, awe, and terror. Toys that will raise your soul to the heights of Paradise and the depths of the Abyss. Toys of wonder and delight and shock and depravity. Are you ready, child? Truly ready? Then I present you with this … fidget spinner. Now get the fuck out of my store.” –Voshkod

“You want to talk about truly amazing technology, Dag? Your own wife has a robot clone of herself capable of pretending to converse with you. It comes preloaded with phrases like ‘I’ll say!’ and ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself, dear.’” –Joe Blevins

“Mary will stop at nothing in her quest to find the rumor-spreader at Charterstone — including walking into Dawn’s bedroom unannounced. Hey, lady, get a warrant.” –TK

“‘Bring Your Own Booze?’ ‘No. Birds You Ogle Briefly.’” –Bob Tice

“How can you not be impressed by the utter genius of Mary Worth? Not only did they throw another long, drawn-out, utterly boring storyline with a stubby, dissatisfying resolution right in our faces, but now they’re making us sit through it again — backwards!” –Boomer

“I like to imagine that these quotes pop into Rev. Croom’s head in the form of one of those scrolling electronic sign boards. He has no control over it, might as well just sit back and enjoy the show!” –Peanut Gallery

“Hope Mary likes 20 minutes of Tommy looking thoughtful and going, ‘Let’s see … I know it was from a … person. They had eyes, and … I think hands. No, they had hands. I’m pretty sure.’” –Dan

“Where did you hear that false rumor, Tommy? I repeat — false rumor. No, I’m not worried about the true one, Mr. Allora and I find it titillating to hear the speculations about our activities. It spices things up.” –CanuckDownSouth

“Smokey is still capable of whacking potential meals with his shovel and pureeing them into smoothies, a fact that mockers would do well to remember.” –MKay

“The onesie may say ‘clown,’ but the hat shrieks ‘hobo.’ And I suppose the mask adds subtle hints of crazed supervillain. With such mismatched accoutrements, it is clear that Jeffy, as usual, doesn’t know what day it is and is just blurting out guesses.” –But What Do I Know?