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As we head into Halloween … the scariest night of the year … please enjoy your creepy, ookie comment of the week!

“I must believe, in these dark days, that along with walking the dog, Saul puts on a full suit to trim tree branches and return his ‘broken’ cell phone (it’s turned off). Live your bit, Saul.” –A Grave Mind

And the very SCARILY FUNNY runners up!

“If you fashion a chunk of flesh into a car, the ghost will be forced to possess the vehicle and compel it to move. On the one hand, it’s an atrocity to capture an immortal soul and bind it to labour for all eternity. On the other hand, it’s good for the environment.” –Schroduck

“Oh, just dump some dead leaves on the grill and burn them, Hi. No one will mind! Have a leaf huffing party. Definitely invite Thirsty.” –made of wince

“People will gossip about things they don’t comprehend, like me being attracted to a woman over 50. Speaking of which, I see you have a birthday coming up, but never mind that.” –Taylor Handsome

“The butcher explaining that this ham is haunted leads me to believe he’s the one who sold it to Heathcliff after the cat came in and nonverbally asked for meat so infested with the spirits of the dead it could be used as a means of self-propelled transportation. Heathcliff wanting such a whimsical thing is par for the course, but the fact that the butcher was able to provide it makes me think his MEAT store is hiding some dark secrets. What other unnatural flesh does he have in the back of his shop, where his normal customers can’t see it? Possessed pork? Ghostly guanciale?” –Vulpes

“The Rex Morgan narration box asked ‘Who shall we drop in on next?’ and then didn’t wait for an answer. Rude.” –matt w

“Pluggers regret so many of their life choices; this is simply one of them.” –TheDiva

“Ah, yes, two children running their Halloween algorithms on a tablet. Alboorithms? Alghostrithms! Anyhow, normal kid behavior! Happy Halloween!” –Victor Von

“Was it that obvious? I was hoping for a circular conversation that went nowhere for a couple of hours while we all got frustrated and eventually agreed to just go our separate ways so we can justify a bad review on Yelp.” –Anonymous

“‘Was it that obvious?’ Yes, you are in a legacy strip, jokes need to be spelled out or they won’t work (they don’t work anyway)!” –Ettorre

“I was about to comment that Superman on the shelf there has a horrifically broken humerus, until I realized that there’s no S on the chest insignia. Rather, there’s a C, possibly for Calcium Deficiency Man. But on closer inspection, the shopkeeper’s arms are equally mangled. So this is just a world where the majority of the population suffers from arm-rickets, I suppose.” –Lauralot

“The comics today gave us a glimpse of Dustin’s dad’s nipple, and the angry mob will be convening at noon. I have a few torches and a couple of extra pitchforks for anyone who needs them.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Imagination, child? Oh, yes, we have items that run on imagination, belief, awe, and terror. Toys that will raise your soul to the heights of Paradise and the depths of the Abyss. Toys of wonder and delight and shock and depravity. Are you ready, child? Truly ready? Then I present you with this … fidget spinner. Now get the fuck out of my store.” –Voshkod

“You want to talk about truly amazing technology, Dag? Your own wife has a robot clone of herself capable of pretending to converse with you. It comes preloaded with phrases like ‘I’ll say!’ and ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself, dear.’” –Joe Blevins

“Mary will stop at nothing in her quest to find the rumor-spreader at Charterstone — including walking into Dawn’s bedroom unannounced. Hey, lady, get a warrant.” –TK

“‘Bring Your Own Booze?’ ‘No. Birds You Ogle Briefly.’” –Bob Tice

“How can you not be impressed by the utter genius of Mary Worth? Not only did they throw another long, drawn-out, utterly boring storyline with a stubby, dissatisfying resolution right in our faces, but now they’re making us sit through it again — backwards!” –Boomer

“I like to imagine that these quotes pop into Rev. Croom’s head in the form of one of those scrolling electronic sign boards. He has no control over it, might as well just sit back and enjoy the show!” –Peanut Gallery

“Hope Mary likes 20 minutes of Tommy looking thoughtful and going, ‘Let’s see … I know it was from a … person. They had eyes, and … I think hands. No, they had hands. I’m pretty sure.’” –Dan

“Where did you hear that false rumor, Tommy? I repeat — false rumor. No, I’m not worried about the true one, Mr. Allora and I find it titillating to hear the speculations about our activities. It spices things up.” –CanuckDownSouth

“Smokey is still capable of whacking potential meals with his shovel and pureeing them into smoothies, a fact that mockers would do well to remember.” –MKay

“The onesie may say ‘clown,’ but the hat shrieks ‘hobo.’ And I suppose the mask adds subtle hints of crazed supervillain. With such mismatched accoutrements, it is clear that Jeffy, as usual, doesn’t know what day it is and is just blurting out guesses.” –But What Do I Know?

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There’s a chill in the air, spooky season is upon us, the leaves are in their best fall colors, and it’s time for the comment … of the week!

“Gossipy to the point of being almost wildly out of hand! In other words, manageably out of hand! And since ‘out of hand’ means ‘suffering a loss of control,’ ‘manageably out of hand’ is a nonsense phrase! I guess what I’m saying, Mary, is that my dialogue balloon could have been half the length it is, but I doubt that would have made it any more interesting!” –Six Nit Pix

And your runners up! Very funny!

“‘What’s this, Ian?’ ‘A demonstrative pronoun. But that’s not important now.’” –Bob Tice

“So Toby, I’ve arranged a surprise weeklong vacation for us in the near future! I just assumed you wouldn’t actually be doing much of anything that week, am I right? I mean, you don’t have any responsibilities or activities going on that you couldn’t just cancel at the last minute. Okay, I guess what I’m asking is, what do you do all day, every day? I’m curious, as your husband, but we’d all like to know!” –BigTed

“Hi is hallucinating after Lois whacked him on the head with a frying pan after insinuating she doesn’t know where London is or what time zones are.” –Hibbleton

“Finally the real story can begin, where Toby goes vigilante and Taken-style, she works her way through Charterstone’s seedy underbelly to find the source of the vile rumor. This will also act as something of a reboot for the strip as she eliminates some of its beloved character — and also Wilbur — one by one on her way to Nelly. Talkin’, in theaters this Christmas, starting whoever the woman equivalent of Liam Neeson is.” –Charterstone: Dune

“Augie, you are way too happy about having the opportunity to explain something to your girlfriend.” –matt w

“Judge Parker has mercy on its readers occasionally. Here, for instance, they give us a moment to appreciate this quaint cottage in this bucolic, autumnal setting before showing us the tiresome creatures who dwell within it. Take out the word balloon, and that first panel could be a painting in a motel room!” –Joe Blevins

“Wouldn’t the Rhymes With Orange strip be so much more horrifying if the entrepreneurial tortoise still had some of its shell? At first, he just needed a quick buck, so he made some jewelry out of the edges of his shell, a small corner he could live without. But as time goes by, he can’t resist the siren call of easy money, so he starts chipping away at more and more of his shell. Mutilating his own body for greed, knowing full well that the closer he gets to his spine, the higher the risk of permanent injury or untreatable infection, but once he started, he can’t stop himself. That’d be compelling, but I guess a mildly amusing visual is also a valid way to handle that idea.” –AndyL

“Rather than rearranging the living room so that Blondie and Dagwood can both see the TV, they moved the TV so that neither of them can watch it. It’s not what I would have done, but given the eager way they both comment on what they hear every few seconds, it seems like they’re enjoying this setup more than ever.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“‘He sure gets around!‘ says Blondie in apparent surprise. Of course he does, Blondie! That’s his whole deal!” –Vulpes

“‘You didn’t have computers when you were my age?’ ‘No, but we had more freedom to explore the outside world before helicopter parenting.’ ‘Helicopter parenting? Didn’t you notice that my uncle dropped me unsupervised in a diner to talk with old strangers?’” –Ettorre

“Ah, my friends are happy. That’s worth all the secretive planning I’ve had to do these past few weeks. Now, when they least expect it, I can strike. Time to set the timer on the bomb and excuse myself. We’ll free up a couple of those rent-controlled apartments yet!” –Voshkod

“Oh man the nurse is weird and slightly odd-looking which means villain, but has the name ‘Gladys Gooding’ which you know is obviously a good-guy name. So I don’t know what to think. This is literally the most suspense I’ve felt from a Dick Tracy story.” –Andrew Millar

“Every day is 9/11 if you’re an aggrieved plugger.” –JW

“You’re a plugger if the cost of remediating the lead paint and asbestos in your alma mater exceeded its value as a building.” –ComicallyChallenged

“To be fair to Dick, if I ran into Gladys, I would assume she was a dominatrix, or possibly a nun. ‘Actual trained medical professional’ would be somewhere around my fifth guess.” –Navigator

“Wilbur would like Mary to know that Charterstone is a very gossipy place, and if you hear something unsavory about someone it probably isn’t true. In fact, maybe he’ll say it again, louder, so a few more people at the party can hear. Are there single women here? Maybe he should call them over, it’s very important to Wilbur that they know this.” –Dan

“I’d have to say my biggest regret is continuing to hold you with some level of esteem even when you continue to be nothing but a net negative influence on my life and well-being.” –Lionheart

“What … is this expression on Toby? I’m really asking. They could have drawn her with mouth doing literally anything else — vacuous smile, vacuous toothy grin, etc. — but instead, she’s gaping like the most gormless of baby birds. Is she … singing to him? Is she gently telling him that his beard is stuck in her hair? Whatever she’s doing, Ian’s pained grimace is pretty funny. Sorry, buddy, you did this on purpose; tell you what, bring the parrots to Maui with you to distract her and it’ll be like you’re not even there.” –els

“Why specifically a circus stilt walker? Is that more respectable than, say, a freelance stilt walker who hires out for parties and events, or someone who does it merely as a hobby? Can you even apply the word ‘respectable’ to someone who walks around in long stripy pants?” –TheDiva

“In books intended for parents to read to small children, a commonly employed gambit is to put in questions that the child can easily answer if they’ve been paying any attention at all to the preceding pages. This rewards the child by making them feel smarter than the characters in the book. Everyone who read the first panel of today’s Mary Worth and called out ‘I know, I know! It was Nelly!,’ give yourselves a cookie.” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first … if you are a paid subscriber to the site, you might be seeing some emails asking your to reset your password that you didn’t initiate. It seems some bots are knocking on the door to the site by initiating password resets. There’s nothing they can really do that would be bad, and I’m trying to figure out how to stop the annoyance, but in the meantime don’t click on anything in those emails, is my advice, but do send me a note if you get one for my information.

ANYWAY, with that high-tech info out of the way, here’s this week’s comment of the week!

“Hi spent the day trying to hang himself with his tie, so he’s probably not up for Date Night.” –MKay

And the very funny runners up!

“A different comic strip might’ve taken this idea and did something kind of fun with it, like show old versions of the character or show a similar character from another comic strip. Maybe time it to run on an anniversary and have some tongue-in-cheek joke about, ‘Boy, wouldn’t it be crazy if I looked like that!’ The Blondie creative team decided to make everyone deeply uncomfortable and unsettled instead. On the upside, this might drive some traffic to my Dagwood-themed DeviantArt page.” –ComicallyChallenged

“The third ‘AI’ image of Dagwood clearly shows the Mark of the Beast. Only the computer can see the true depths of his evil, the unlimited sin of gluttony.” –Voshkod

“Don’t worry, Toby, these unfaithful hybrids of bird and man will get what’s coming to them — parrots aren’t adapted to long-distance flight like, say, albatrosses, so their attempt to fly to Maui will undoubtedly end with them falling into the ocean and drowning due to exhaustion.” –Vulpes

“Nobody wants Dagwood to get plastic surgery — and the chewing gum that’s supposed to make your jawline sharper doesn’t really work. But that hair? You know you can just go to a slightly better barber and get a better haircut, right, Dagwood? You really don’t have to live that way!” –BigTed

“It’s a board game. They use electrified tweezers and if they touch the sides, his nose lights up. Hilarity ensues. Seriously, it’s been around for over fifty years and you haven’t heard about it?” –Where’s Rocky.

“Apparently Hi is low enough on the corporate ladder that Foofram only checks in on him at 2 P.M.” –Maltmash3r

“I have questions: (1) Is murder illegal in Norway? (2) Does killing an arms dealer count as murder in Norway? (3) Norway has a huge arms industry. Were the murdered arms dealers permitted by Norway to deal arms, i.e., were they legitimate businessmen or ‘legitimate businessmen’? (4) Does Norway recognize varying degrees of homicide based on the criminal status of the victim, i.e., does Norway excuse vigilantism? (5) If so, is the criminal status of the victim determined before or after the murder? (6) Does murdering arms dealers violate the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977? (7) With a population of 5.6 million and murder rate of 0.72 per 100,000 people as of 2023, is there a clinically depressed detective inspector in currently investigating an anomalous spike in murders over the past few months? (8) What are the diplomatic and legal implications if the United States, knowing who the murderer is, refuses to extradite the murderer per its treaty with Norway? Asking for a legal-themed newspaper comic strip that might want to just shift focus back to traffic scofflaws.” –Charterstone: Dune

“Mother Goose, who knows that her dogs are incipient fascists and also pets who cannot legally make purchases, has wisely set up a backwards treadmill so they can’t progress past the beige rectangle.” –matt w

“Nothing can save the ‘joke’ in today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, but it helps that Grimm himself looks horrified across both panels at the words coming out of his mouth. Perhaps, like Nikki in Obsession, on some level this dog realizes that the thoughts that dictate his behavior are not actually his own. Grimm, indeed!” –Kevyn on Video

“Come up with a passable pun on ‘fascism’ or ‘dictator’ but find Hitler is too charged a name to use as a setup for anodyne wordplay? Well that’s where Mussolini comes in! Mussolini: real bad guy, slightly less famous for it!” –BananaSam

“Ms. Blips did not sign up for making coffee! She signed up for war crimes! And healthcare! But mostly war crimes!” –Ettorre

“Women, amirite? Always wanting to spend time with you, enjoying a tasty meal in a pleasant atmosphere, when all you really want is the sweet release of alcohol and/or death! Hi and Lois, the comic about bipolar disorder, delivers another rueful chuckle and/or primal scream of bone-deep suffering. It’s funny because we each live in a hell of our own making!” –a.

“I could confront Ian, but that would be too rational. It’s better I look ‘strong’ and ‘independent’ by sitting passively by until I’m overcome with doubt and worry. Yes, that plan just makes too much sense!” –2+2=7

“‘Its just high school sports, why would I get emotionally invested in that?’ Good question Gil Thorp, very good question.” –pugfuggly

“Jughaid is getting too big for his britches, and Loweezy has two options to rein him back into reality: deliver a lecture on the environmental impact of the many rockets now used for smaller, routine missions to guilt him out of his dream, or try to build a soundstage of the moon in an old barn. Some nonzero percentage of Hootin’ Holler probably see the moon landing as being staged, so she could get some help setting it up, as long as it’s for a practical joke on Jughaid.” –InvasionOfTheZIM

“Gertie was very disappointed to learn that Carson isn’t called that because he’s literally the son of a car. Turns out it’s biologically impossible for a motor vehicle to impregnate you, and that’s why Gertie doesn’t have children.” –Schroduck

“He wants a trip to the moon but we can only afford a $460,000 ticket on a non-orbital flight from Virgin Galactic. It sucks being poor.” –Hibbleton

“Mr. Weatherbee was right to purchase the combination spring-loaded toupee-and-tie combo for those times when he has to react to Archie’s hilarious shenanigans. Sure, he could have also sprung for the wacky ‘leaping pince-nez,’ but that would have been putting a hat on a hat, you know? Sometimes you have to know when less is more.” –Chance

“I would have been wary of moving into an apartment with an unlockable swing door, but maybe that’s just me. I’m wacky that way.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’ve been reading this blog for many years, which means I’ve also been getting occasional updates on Luann for many years. Theoretically, I should know who most of the main characters are and how they live. But I don’t. I just don’t. For instance, I have no idea who or what ‘Tara’ is in this context. Is the dark-haired guy with glasses housesitting for actress Tara Reid? Or are they all somehow living in the famous, fictional Tara plantation from Gone With the Wind?” –Joe Blevins

“Jughead is wisely displaying a mati, the Greek talisman against misfortune and the evil eye, in order to prevent Moose’s baleful gaze from falling upon him. Sadly Archie has taken no such precautions.” –TheDiva

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!