“Maybe it’s just that the standards of menace have been so raised by the likes of Calvin and Hobbes or Bart Simpson but I can’t remember ever seeing Dennis engage in behavior that would make him a poor children’s party guest. He wears a tiny suit to church for goodness sake! He’s really just a menace because the strip is called Dennis the Menace but who told the inhabitants of the strip that? Who is going around badmouthing this precocious kid who at worst doesn’t always live up to 1950s standards of etiquette? I ask but we all already know it’s Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson is making the neighbor kid a social pariah out of a sort of misplaced dissatisfaction and inadequacy that his pension wasn’t enough to settle him in a gated community with no children.” –BananaSam

“The fact that the guy giving relationship advice to Dawn is the same guy whose last girlfriend tried to murder Dawn makes Mary Worth easily the funniest comic strip being published today.” –Tresspassers W, on Patreon

“I can’t believe the Morgans didn’t start using their own reusable shopping bags since Glenwood banned plastic and Rex found out that the store was going to charge fifteen cents for a paper bag. ‘And let me tell you another thing that’s dishonest, Sarah…’” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s amazing that these two decided to make a living scamming people when they clearly have some kind of disorder that makes them say their entire inner monologue out loud.” –pugfuggly

“With all my heart, I love this angry old lady neighbor character and her stepstool that she climbs on when she wants to yell at her neighbors. I especially love that the stepstool isn’t nearly tall enough to accomplish this modest task.” –Joe Blevins

“Sigh. Fritz Ann is right: life was much simpler when the internet was just a vast series of tubes and all you had to do to stop the bad guys was clamp off the right one. Or shoot them in the head, that would work too.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The dogs are obviously upset by Heathcliff’s antics, although it’s not exactly clear why. I assume they’re barking at him on general principle because he’s a cat, the traditional enemy of the dog, and he chose this impractically slow means of transportation specifically to taunt them, but it’s also possible they’re angry at his enslavement of four noble gastropods. Either way, if they cared enough to do something about it you’d think they’d leave their conveniently-labelled ‘dog run,’ since it’s obviously just a short fence that doesn’t enclose them at all.” –Vulpes

“I guess Dithers didn’t need to send Dagwood to Room 101 to get him to admit that 2+2=5. I’m … relieved?”–Victor Von

“Another way of looking at this? Dennis is the cool kid — he gets invited to all the birthday parties! But he only turns up at a third of them, because he needs to keep his weekends free for bothering the Wilsons, insulting Margaret, and hitting baseballs through people’s windows. If he actually comes to your party, it’s a sign that you’re pretty cool, too. He’ll ruin it, of course — but when the $200-per-hour clown ends up face-down in the cake, that’s really only a problem for the parents.” –BigTed

“Damn it, Bumstead! J.C. Dithers & Co isn’t one of the top dozen polluters for no reason. I didn’t pump out all that CO₂ for a measly 99 degrees. We’re going for a record!” –Navigator

“Is Ronnie supposed to be eating tortellini? Shrimp? A very small, misshapen croissant? One of Ursula the sea witch’s lipsticks?” –Lauralot

“Judging by panel two, Bernice’s influencer shtick should be ‘the amazing phone levitator.’” –matt w

“Come on Nancy, how could not recognize Bernice’s scorn voice? She uses it around your idiot daughter all the time.” –Scott

“Of course the crack alley is next to the pawn shop, with the sliding door, that still has a doorknob… Are we sure that Tommy isn’t high right now?” –Rosstifer

“This is the face of a plugger who just got contacted on Facebook about a money-making opportunity to bring some ‘perfectly legal’ Adderall pills on her vacation to south-east Asia, and who is about to spend the rest of her life in a Thai prison.” –Schroduck

“Rene Belluso is the Moriarty to Rex’s Sherlock! The Sideshow Bob to Rex’s Bart! The Reeky Rat to Rex’s Slylock Fox! He should be trussed up like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs and his visitors have to pass multiple layers of security!” –The Quiet Man

“Little does Reno realize that this is the beginning of the backdoor pilot for Beedie, the hardboiled detective drama starring Tommy, where he cleans up the streets one dealer at a time while searching for his missing girlfriend (she’s on vacation again).” –Anonymous

“Martha’s silent prayer: ‘Just a small stroke, Lord. One that affects his speech center.’” –Hibbleton

“I’ll show them in not a junkie. Would a junkie kill his former dealer and steal all his drugs? He would? Well, anyway, thanks for letting me lie low at your apartment for a bit, Mary.” –TheRealAaron

“‘They’ve got World Cup Fever, and are showing terminal symptoms of brain damage! Look at them, batting around hotdogs and hamburgers when there’s a perfectly good soccer ball right there. They’re goners. We have to keep them out of the house to survive!’ ‘Yeah, gotta red card ’em.’ ‘What did you say?’ [cocks gun]” –Voshkod

“Sophie is so desperate for coffee that she’s gnawing on the mug. That’s not where the caffeine is!” –CanuckDownSouth

“One would think a soap comic character would be too used to nothing in particular happening to ever go stir-crazy.” –ectojazzmage

“‘I’m going to the mall, Dad … Tommy and I are going to check out the Teen Dance-Offs!’ Let us pause to marvel at this majestic piece of dialogue that could 100% be spoken by any young American in the year of our Lord 2026. Dawn (#1852 US girls’ name) and Tommy (#731 US boys’ name) are going to watch teen-agers dance off (sulk on their phones between rounds of Dance Dance Revolution) at the mall (closed in 2018, last recorded stores: Spencer’s and a Thai massage parlor). It’s low-key the start of a very chalant relationship, fr fr! (Or maybe it’s a skibidi relationship, who can say?)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Wilbur’s never looked better! Does wide-eyed shock take years off a man’s face, or has he been moisturizing?” –Victor Von

“Too late, Fritz Ann. No-one gambles on real gaming machines these days. They’re all addicted to psychologically perfected Skinner-box hyperspeed slot machine apps from online ghost casinos hosted out of Malta and Singapore. What do you think Mrs Wilson is doing with her husband’s social security while she watches her stories?” –Schroduck

“NO! No, Mrs. Wilson, NO! You are NOT trapped in the Funkyverse! You are in a different hell with an eternal 5-year-old where it’s somehow both the 1950s and the 21st century, but you do not have to let yourself be forced to do bad word play! Fight this incursion! FIGHT IT!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘Gaming machines,’ eh? I wasn’t aware Neo-Chicago had overturned their ban on pinball.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“It’s just boxes of RAM, which is worth its weight in gold.” –JERP

“I can’t believe the plot is setting up a scenario where the Morgans not tipping is heroic. Villains want you to tip, which is a scam by the way” –Dan

“These able-bodied young women with access to fancy matching outfits and expensive hair dye clearly don’t need to beg for money, any more than they actually know how to play the violin. So what exactly is the ‘scam’ they’re pulling by getting people to throw a buck or two into their tip can? The only possible answer is that they’re extracting DNA from the bills, then creating clones of the tippers that they can use to steal their identities and drain their bank accounts. Sure, it seems like an extremely difficult, complicated plan with major upfront costs compared to the potential profit — but the sisters’ cultish outfits suggest that the eventual goal is to create a clone army that will answer only to their leader, a genetics specialist who’s still mad that Rex beat him on a test in medical school or something. Just wait until he has clones of June and Sarah, which he can use for especially nefarious shenanigans after two or three decades of training! Anyway, that must be where this plot is going — because otherwise it would end up as something pointless and boring, rather than one of the thrilling tales we’ve come to expect from Rex Morgan, M.D.” –BigTed

“I won’t be lured into addiction by Tommy Beedie. He’s harmless. Unlike the guys running my social media, who have me so hooked I can’t look up from my phone.” –But What Do I Know?

“I’m actually looking forward to the upcoming gamer angle in Dick Tracy. Sam’s user name will be ‘Definitely NOT a Cop,’ as he wanders aimlessly in whatever MMPRPG she brought along.” –Chip Cayer

“Based on the name, I assume a ‘Roxx’ chair is actually an x-treme rebranding of a rocking chair. And doesn’t it say a lot about humanity that one person, even a criminal like the Hacker, can enjoy both the latest in interactive entertainment on high-end ‘gaming machines’ and the simple pleasures of wobbling back and forth while sitting down?” –Vulpes

“For a beautiful moment, I failed to notice the plugger’s dummy thicc ass, and thought the panel had arrived at a state of punchline-free nirvana of which Hi and Lois could only dream. This is a plugger! He drank too much last night, and now he’s quietly suffering the consequences! Behold, a man!” –Navigator

“He died as he lived, alone and in great pain.” –Lauralot

“‘Hey wait, why can’t Crankshaft drive his bus into a lake and die?’ thought everybody in this comic strip except Crankshaft, who was thinking about blowing up a grill this holiday weekend.” –nescio

“Crock has barely any trace left of the Foreign Legion and colonial France. For example, here we are supposed to think that French people would think a very big nose is unappealing and something to be corrected. Preposterous!” –Ettorre

“‘Am I supposed to … uh, relate to you emotionally in some way?’ ‘Chill. It ain’t that kinda party.’” –Joe Blevins

“So … okay, Brad’s using his left hand to wash Toni’s right shoulder. That makes sense. And Toni’s using her left hand to … wash Brad’s left shoulder. With a second bar of exactly-the-same-size soap that’s in there for some reason. Picture this (I’m sorry). Really picture this (I’m so sorry). Imagine (I’M SORRY OKAY) reaching all the way across your body to wash what is almost certainly the least dirty place on your partner’s body and then transitioning, somehow, into making out. Toni almost certainly elbowed Brad in the chin before she — okay, you know what, I’m gonna stop right there; no no, don’t get up, I’ll arrest myself.” –els

“Yeah, I suppose when you run away from your problems to live in a place where you have no responsibilities you stop asking yourself ‘what should I do?’ because the question is essentially moot. Whatever you want, or nothing at all! These Norwegians aren’t going to ask anything of you, especially not after learning about your considerable wealth and extensive connections to deadly mercenaries.” –pugfuggly

“I think it’s great that they still do the Kitty Korner. Some Robert Saluca of Ithaca, NY, may be squinting in confusion at Heathcliff wearing a helmet that says ‘butter’ while carving a giant statue of himself from butter as the kid says ‘It’s butter season,’ but god damned if he’s not going to tell the world about Bosco’s avocados.” –Dan

“‘Father’s Day tragedy in Hootin’ Holler, a man and two children drowned while trying to float on ramshackle fake lily pads,’ announced the radio, since TVs are too modern.” –nescio

“Four times longer? Come now, Brad, you’re not fooling anyone. Unless your showers are normally 30 seconds long.” –the autumn and the scarlet, on BlueSky

“I appreciate the awkwardly-shaped speech bubble in the second panel ensuring that we get a good look at Barry’s narcissistic portrait throughout the entire strip. This guy’s self-absorbed, everyone! He’s not like our virtuous main characters, who diligently go to every Marvel movie they release! That’s like always going to Mass, but for nerds!” –Vulpes

“Foot stuff and clown stuff and cuckolding stuff? Normally you’d have to pay hundreds for niche content like this, and here they’re just giving it away for free in the newspaper.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers will lie in bed for a good 10 minutes, then a lousy 20, then a just-plain-sad 45.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Betty Cooper! She lost her navel in the Smooth Skin Crisis of aught-five.” –Victor Von

“Some may wonder about the logistics of how Brad and Toni are doing this on the floor of a 48×36? shower stall, but one must remember that, to the average Luann reader, this so-called ‘secks(?)’ is an enigmatic closed-doors ritual to which they will never be privy, probably due in part to the fact they read Luann, so the realism of the situation doesn’t actually matter much.” –vtuberneedle

“See, I didn’t think the couple was inching down out of frame; I assumed the ‘camera’ was discreetly tilting upward. I realize that means I also think Brad has a shower head that’s about nine or ten feet high, but I mean the shower also spits a drizzle of coarse black effluent, so there’s a lot about this plumbing installation that’s nonstandard.” –Shoe Substitutes

“Everything about Charlotte’s body language says she is as impatient with this inane bullshit as we are. Thank you, Charlotte, for fuming at this so we don’t have to.” –richardf8

“Thanks! And you look like a junior counselor at an evangelical Christian youth camp. What happened to the slinky Parisian fashions and the L.A. babe outfits?” –Ukulele Ike

“Tommy Tommy Tommy, all this talk about Tommy and no mention of how or when Charterstone and its residents were moved to a remote, possibly alien, wilderness.” –Hibbleton

“The question of how old Marvin actually is has baffled generations, but it turns out the answer is ‘old enough to get beat up by a martial arts student’ and honestly that’s fine with me.” –TheDiva

“She’s played the same 4 notes over and over for days. June knows that sound well, since it’s her ringtone.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘If he can change, so can I! I vow that by the end of summer, I will have a recognizable personality trait!’ ‘Maybe set your sights on achievable goals, dear.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Crankshaft says that alcoholism might ruin the relationship with your children, but Beetle Bailey argues that being drunk might save your marriage! In a time of political polarisation, it’s good that the funnies page hosts a healthy debate!” –Ettorre

“Dammit, Crankshaft! You used to have integrity! While the Funkyverse descended around you into introspective depression and grinding misery, you kept it real with awful pseudo-puns and contrived malapropisms. But now? They’ve done you dirty, Crankshaft, they’re doing a Barney Google on you, and you’re not even fighting it! Rage, O Crankshaft, rage against the dying of the feeble-pun-related light!” –Hergen

“She came out to a deserted beach dragging a chair, a laptop, and a bottle of sunscreen. Sounds pretty dumb. Until you compare it to the guy who just brought shorts and a towel.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women