“When Prussian gymnast and bodybuilder Joseph Pilates developed a mind-body method of strength training with a spring-based apparatus in the early 20th century — one that would become popular with ballet dancers and eventually enter the mainstream fitness world — he never could have known that many decades later, a U.S. federal court would declare that his very last name was a generic term, and that anyone could use the word ‘Pilates,’ whether or not they joined the Pilates Method Alliance professional organization. Heck, they could even have a talking dog mispronounce his name in a comic strip as a way of making a cheap pun, if they wanted to. It’s a funny, funny world sometimes, even if you wouldn’t know that from the punchline.” –BigTed

“Is ‘Chill and Cuddle’ just ‘Netflix and Chill,’ but you avoid referencing the trademark because it could create legal problems? Or does it imply a lower grade of physical affections, i.e., handjobs?” –Ettorre

“You know Dawn, its one thing when someone makes a self-deprecating joke about the tenuousness of their state of sobriety, its another when your barely-friend jumps in to agree. ‘Haha, it’s true: it’s only by the grace of God that you’re not relapsing right now! It’s funny ‘cuz you’re weak!’” –pugfuggly

“Sure, why not lead off your comic strip about the tenuous nature of sobriety with a quote from noted teetotaler Winston Churchill?” –TimP

“The artist may be trying to draw ‘tender moment just before lips meet,’ but I see ‘Mae Mae falling asleep on her feet waiting for the kiss, Mud missing this (and her lips!) as his lean-in overbalances and they both tumble to the floor, Mae gently snoring.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Look at that fox’s expression; it’s obvious that Beetle didn’t do any digging at all, just commandeered a hole and rendered a noble beast of the wilderness homeless. Whatever Beetle pieces are left by Sarge’s pummeling will be eaten with great satisfaction as the fox returns to its diggings.” –Buck Ripsnort

“You’re so unappreciative, Sarge! You know how long it took for me to get the fox for this foxhole? I got bit a hundred times! Oh, uh, by the way, does army health insurance cover rabies vaccinations? Just curious.” –ectojazzmage

“And she looks for information the way all kids today would: in a giant, hardcover book that looks like something a wizard might use when casting a spell.” –Joe Blevins

“The old guy next door said this kid spends his whole day wandering the neighborhood unsupervised, thinks the social worker, but that’s clearly the least of it. What sort of sick psychosexual drama is this woman playing out, putting on an apron and fixing a full supper for a six-year-old in the middle of the day? Is this going on TikTok, or worse? Good thing he called me. ‘No, thank you, Alice, was it? It’s a little early for sherry, don’t you think? Now let’s just take a quick look at this paperwork.’” –a.

“Dennis’s drinking glass is also full of mashed potatoes, if the way that straw is sticking straight up is anything to go by.” –Vulpes

“‘Do you mean the controlling being that I’m beholden to in an infinite number of ways? The Forge of the Keys and the Opener of the Ways? The Igniter and Devourer of Stars? The Alpha, Omega, and [infrasonic scream]? The Marrow in my Bones and the Beat of my Heart?’ ‘Ba.’ ‘Oh, well, it is not a man, it is something both beyond and beneath humanity. It’s also not toilet trained.’” –Voshkod

“On the flip side, the father’s imaginative comebacks are doing untold damage to the baby’s language development. The baby makes a best effort at ‘want food’ and gets a three-minute soliloquy on the funk-rock genre. The baby tries again and the father talks about circus acrobats. It won’t be long before the kid gives up on language as a bad idea.” –Ken

“At this point, Lonnie should go full-metal passive aggressive, and stick around. ‘Hey, guys, how’s stuff? Anybody wanna buy any of the shit I guess I sell? Nah, nah, I’m still not a member of Steely Dan.’” –A Grave Mind

“‘Baby, you put the cum in cumulonimbus!’ (I am so sorry.)” –Pozzo

“It’s only taken a few decades, but someone has finally noticed how rich Jim Davis is and has decided to get Heathcliff into the merchandising racket. ‘Oh boy! It’s Heathcliff’s car! Can I get it, mommy?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“By bursting in and ominously declaring ‘Your days are numbered,’ Grandma Keane wanted to destroy her family psychologically through paranoia. But what she didn’t account for is that they’re also very stupid.” –Schroduck

“Welcome to Plot Synopsis, the Animated Series…” –Victor Von

“I like how the dialogue box looks well too big for the text it contains, as if the writer was going to add more context to this scene and then decided no, it doesn’t matter. No-one cares why this is happening.” –pugfuggly

“To be entirely fair to Blondie, sexual dimorphism seems to be pretty consistent with Dagwoods and I would believe that you need a different formulation of shampoo for whatever the hell is going on with their hair.” –Nichi Joe Young, on BlueSky

“Alice’s attempt to run away from her horrible husband and son was thwarted again. Keep on trying, Alice, I believe in you!” –Ettorre

“I’m fixated on the rubber duck in today’s strip. For one thing, it’s not yellow, and since this is a Sunday strip the odds are good that that is the cartoonist’s original vision. I’m sure there are plenty of white rubber ducks out there available for purchase, but in a visually conservative medium like comic strips it’s a shocking innovation. It’s also not floating on the water, instead sitting precariously on the edge of the bathtub while it’s forced to be audience to Dagwood’s off-key warbling. Finally, it just appears in the second panel of the second row—it’s not there in the previous panel, and Dagwood isn’t carrying it at any point. I’m not sure how or if these facts form a coherent whole, and you may think it’s pedantic to harp on such minor details, but considering Dagwood specifically mentions it I feel justified in focusing on it, especially since the alternative is to just pay attention to the quintillionth ‘ha ha, Dagwood sure likes food!’ punchline.” –Vulpes

“Funny that the artist includes a bit of Alice’s legs in the shot to show that she too isn’t riding on someone’s shoulders, thereby removing the one interesting thought one might have about today’s comic.” –Hibbleton

“I love how Rodney has been hit with arrows from all directions at once. It’s as if the opposing army and his own soldiers came together against their common object of hatred, and then some cherubs joined in the fun for good measure.” –Guts Dozier

“The Daddy Daze Daddy thinking his pre-verbal kid is telling him it’s the end of the school year should not make him less worried about having been Rip Van Winkle’d.” –Morgan Wick

“Oh, Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. You’re a former junkie and garden-variety moron, but you’re no dummy. The person next to you? That’s a dummy. Or maybe she’s a twit? Keep running, let’s see how this plays out.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Not gonna lie, super curious to discover what kind of Lillian/Lucy memorabilia Hat Guy has been holding onto all these years, in the hope that it would appreciate in value. If these two are in their 80s, their young adulthood would have coincided with the 1960s, so maybe it’s racy photos of the sisters cavorting with Ringo Starr or another luminary of the ‘big bands’ of the day. But since this is the Funkyverse, it’s much more likely to be something devastatingly sad, like one of Lucy’s discarded stockings. Either way, let the laughs ensue!” –Doctor Moreau (Not a Doctor)

“Yep, not a lot of room in a coffin. Dying? Oh, probably. This is Crankshaft after all. I just assumed I’m dying and decided to get ahead on things” –Voshkod

“I’ll take ‘People Who Don’t Have Recording Devices on Their TV, or at Least Don’t Know How to Operate Them’ for 200, Ken!” –Bob Tice

“Here’s the thing about comic strip writers: if they encounter a word with two very different meanings or a word that sounds like another word, they never let go of it. They can’t. Come hell or high water, they’ll turn it into a daily. (‘Hey, wait a second, what if I had two characters called Heller and Highwater?’)” –Joe Blevins

“‘Why have the colors and lighting shifted?!’ ‘Because all is despair, Cosmo! You know this. Now, who’s got a dead-eyed stare for me? Come on!’” –A Grave Mind

“Today’s Mary Worth makes a lot more sense if you realize Tommy is taking a piss; why else would someone blurt out ‘Fro-Yo? That’s cool. I’m in!’ unless they were surprised in a moment when they thought they were alone?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I’ve been wondering what this wedding-planning storyline has to do with sports and whatnot but as he’s been gradually offloading all of the hard work and effort on to other people while he stands to reap the benefits and recognition, I can see that he’s simply figured out how to apply his ‘coaching’ style to other aspects of his life.” –Charterstone: Dune

“What does this setting’s economy even look like? The characters are realistically-sized birds and have no apparent cities or such, just random buildings crudely tied to trees. Is the Perfesser worried that he’ll lose his life savings of twigs and acorns?” –ectojazzmage

“The plan is working perfectly. Tomorrow Eugene shows up on Lillian’s doorstep with a truckload of worn-out furniture and three cats. ‘I figured Lucy would have wanted you to have them. Byee!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Pickles sent me down a brief rabbit hole of researching what happens to your taste buds as you age. It turns out that it is in fact common for your sense of smell and taste to diminish with the years, but that skillful use of acids and seasonings can still make food enjoyable! Or, if you’re mad at your husband for never learning how to cook in the last 50 years, you can serve him Fancy Feast.” –Navigator

“Boy, those joke-free throwaway panels cast a pall over this whole thing, huh? There’s poor Lucky Eddie, obviously concerned over his sick mother. And these are viking times, so when they say ‘sick’ it’s gotta be something serious, possibly even fatal. Meanwhile, we’re reminded that Eddie’s coworkers neither like nor respect him. ‘I can’t believe I miss Lucky Eddie!’ ‘Yeah, that guy sucks! Say, where is he?’” –Joe Blevins

“Good ol’ Lucky Eddie. He’s got a suitcase, he’s got a mailbox, he’s got a lawn. So close to being a regular guy, but he still runs around (or in this case, hitchhikes around) with a goddam funnel on his head.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The male loneliness epidemic has his hit even this comic.” –ectojazzmage

“So there’s no actual food, just a couple of middle-aged men drinking beer, one of whom didn’t even bother to bring his wife along. Happy Memorial Day!” –Pozzo

“Gil is at the Graveyard of Dropped Subplots. ‘Thank you for your service, Sophomore-suffering-from-steroid-abuse and Girl-who-was-a-cutter and .. er .. you, Mr. Whatever-trendy-teen-issue-you-were-dealing-with. Your sacrifice of resolved, coherent storylines was not in vain. It helped me look better, more ‘enlightened.’” –2+2=7

“So she just sorta … stuck her torso out the bottom half of the window, huh? Arms at her sides? Standing straight up? No, no, I get that there are eight little mini-Heathcliffs (Heathscliff?) fluttering after our main guy, that don’t cross my eyes none — right now I’m focusing on the window thing. When a Biblically-accurate Heathcliff shows up, that’s when I stop nitpicking. Possibly forever.” –els

“One thing I learned in a recent Wikipedia hole is that when tanks break down, they require giant tow trucks to collect them and haul them into the shop, a process that is pretty entertaining to watch in old news reels. Of course, tanks are also sitting ducks without close air support and are typically used to advance ground troops, so lady in the car might want to worry both about why Beetle’s out on his own and when the A-10 Thunderbolt IIs are showing up.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Does anyone else find it odd that Grimm calls Mother Goose ‘mom’ and wonder if he’s doing it because her name is literally ‘Mother Goose’ even though she doesn’t actually have any children. It seems like Grimm is her pet but he’s actually a completely sentient adult who can go to restaurants and movie theaters and has full understanding of the world around him so he’s not really a pet. Grimm just lives with this bird person and allows her to treat him like he’s her pet even though he’s perfectly capable of living independently. I think we can at least be grateful that there’s no sexual element to this relationship.” –Anonymous

“In the Mother Goose and Grimm universe, Bed Bath & Beyond sells straw, flea dip, and environmental enrichment toys.” –Peanut Gallery

“God, just imagine that the last thing you heard before you died was one of Ed Crankshaft’s little quips. Then imagine the the massive gravitational force of the black hole that killed you stretched that moment into near infinity, as if you passed ten thousand years with those words ringing in your ears. Truly a fate worse than death (followed by death).” –pugfuggly

“Jughead set up his drums right next to the chimney. The fireplace is presumably in the living room. He’s risking his own health and safety just to annoy his father while technically following his orders. I aspire to this level of petty.” –Lauralot

“Dennis is the perfect age to have seen Guardians of the Galaxy and Stranger Things, so he has no problem identifying a cassette tape. A lot of issues interacting appropriately with other people and their stuff, though.” –Schroduck

“As long as Gil likes you, you’re cool with me — and the moment he tires of you, you will no longer exist as far as I’m concerned, because I don’t want to end up in the cornfield. All hail Gil!” –CanuckDownSouth

“Pity the poor, aging newspaper comic artist who is cursed to live in the past but can’t quite remember what a cassette looks like.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“You’re not as bad as I thought, Tommy Beedie! That’s an extremely low bar, though! You still fuckin’ suck!” –Vulpes