“[patronizingly] That’s an awful big word, Dad. You didn’t hurt yourself, did you? Are your teeth okay?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I think we’re misinterpreting this. The alien and robot aren’t trying to stop Heathcliff, they’re just … there. In that empty field. Doin’ stuff.” –A Grave Mind

“Heathcliff, known punk provocateur, set this all up to elicit a lawsuit from the NFL. The ‘Super Bowl’ refers to the name of the dip recipe, something that is not covered by the NFL’s trademark. When the NFL has to pay damages and attorney’s fees, he will use the cash to buy new, novel HAM outfits and props.” –Philip

“Yes, that’s an awful big word, alright. Here are a couple more: POSTOPERATIVE PERITONITIS.” –Charterstoned

“Say what you will about the insanity of the coaches, but both high schools have pretty nice walls with their names on them.” –treetown

“‘There is only ice and time’? Au contraire, there also seems to be a large building, and Randy Parker, and another guy. You can’t fool me, Judge Parker narration box!” –matt w

“Sorry, I cannot believe that this scene is real. I’m guessing tomorrow we’re going to see Dr Jeff snort himself awake from an impromptu nap on a pile of old Auto Mechanic magazines. He phones Mary and immediately gets his call declined.” –pugfuggly

“[Wipes tear] Looks like someone misjudged the futures market.” –Hibbleton

“Please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please let there be such a thing as bird strikes for yachts, please…” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The Camerons don’t strike me as typical bird owners. Don’t you have to care about another living being in order to do that? Ian and Toby always seemed like they were struggling with the effort to do that about each other.” –2+2=7

“‘URK … UGH … SIGH…‘ is the ‘Christ, what an asshole’ of Shoe. It could be Cosmo’s dialogue in every panel and the strip would probably improve.” –Navigator

“Is Dennis’s mother’s food so bland? I don’t want to make judgments about WASP cuisine, but they think that water is a fancy drink deserving a special straw!” –Ettorre

“I can’t blame Dennis here. Dinner appears to be a wooden cog, three Goldfish™ crackers, and three lima beans. And who set that table, anyway? Drinking glasses go on the RIGHT. This is just a disaster all around.” –Menace the Dennis

“Dick Tracy doesn’t really do catchphrases, but if he did, it would be something like ‘Hey, bad person! [PUNCH] Don’t. Do. Crime.’ or ‘Forget about crime, you deceitful crimer!’” –Hergen

“So my understanding is that humans haven’t invented anything, all of our technology comes from a cadre of archaeological entomologists making bank from what they’ve dug up from ancient ant homes.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Of course Tildy’s confused. Your kids should by all rights be named Carter and Mason, or Hunter and Liam, or something a little more of the time. Sure, James, John, and Michael are all classics, but we are in our Braden, Jaden, Caden era.” –Old School Allie Cat

“And at last, the conflict is revealed: Rex Morgan is mildly inconvenienced!” –TheDiva

“Who has it rougher, the woman feeding her husband as if he’s a baby, or the two Foreign Legionnaires whose only available entertainment is to eavesdrop on this nauseating process? Who cares? None of them have it as rough as us, the readers of the comic strip about it.” –Peanut Gallery

“It would be kind of badass if, after a century-plus of lighthearted adventures together, Spark Plug actually killed Barney Google.” –Joe Blevins

“I like how Smitty’s defense seems to be just yelling ‘INNOCENT!’ dramatically at each and every question he’s asked. He knows that when dealing with animals, concise, repeated messages are key.” –pugfuggly

“Slick Smitty is accused of stealing milk. Which of these witnesses was not in the industrial milking facility near the school, tethered to machines to provide the youth with fresh milk? Which witness was not in their assigned place, making eggs? Because there’s something suspicious in a citizen that’s not providing according to their abilities.” –Voshkod

“Pluggers are pretty sure they have the acerbic charm of a Bill Murray, but not like an artsy, Wes Anderson-era Bill Murray, they’re not into that. And I guess not in his SNL-through-Ghostbusters years, a little too high energy for a plugger’s tastes. Pluggers are very fond of Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties though. Did you know they go to England in that one? Ha ha, imagine, Garfield! In England! [turning off the alarm and falling back asleep while chuckling] I bet they don’t even make lasagna the same there.” –Dan

“It’s a trick question. The answer is that none of them testified, in any order. As is evident from the depiction in the first panel, the prospective witnesses weren’t sequestered before testifying. Defense counsel thus objected to the proffer of any of them as witnesses because they were all together, able to discuss one another’s testimony, and the Court struck them all from the witness list. Without any witnesses to call, Slylock lost his case, which he would have done, anyway, because he disrespected the dignity of the Court inasmuch as he and his sidekick wore hats into the courtroom. The moral here, of course, is that crime pays, and now Slick Smitty is free to continue his life of unrestrained lactic kleptomania.” –Bob Tice

“Dennis the Head Floating Above His Shoulders Menace works for me.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Miss Buxley and Miss Blips are named after their boobs, but it is nice to see that despite their different boob sizes, they band together against the common enemy, i.e. their superior. Truly the army is amazing in building comradeship, unity, and cohesion!” –Ettorre

“I mean, I still don’t want to be around him, which is why I’m here with you.” –Rosstifer

“General Halftrack is fantasizing that when Miss Buxley goes to ‘pick up something for him,’ it means she’ll be stopping at Victoria’s Secret and modeling some sexy items of clothing in the office. What it really means is that she’ll go to the Base Supply Center for a box of pens, because that, even though she’s faking the need for it, would actually be a useful part of her job. Especially since Halftrack is old and was never even issued a computer, so he spends all day waving big pieces of paper around.” –BigTed

“Ian used to shout and grumble and be so condescending. But now I can do things like get this botched Michael Jackson-esque nose job and he doesn’t even say a word. It’s great!” –2+2=7

“Poor Mary, faced with an intractable conflict between two of her faves (enabling ridiculous behavior and gassing up terrible men).” –matt w

“I guess Josh was wrong yesterday — the pie and the salad were both for Mary. Toby’s lunch consists solely of a gin and tonic on an empty stomach (the slice of lemon counts as her calories treat for the day). How else do you think she a) stays so slim and b) comes out with ideas like ‘Should I divorce my husband because my bird ate all his stuff?’” –Schroduck

“This entire family shouting match and the subsequent murder/suicide could have been avoided wth decaf.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Every Robin Hood film needs to spend the first half on an origin story, and the one in Mother Goose and Grimm seems as good as any.” –Gerry Quinn

“Real sloppy work from whoever did the spray job. They need to take a note from whoever did that sharp little Cool-S. Craft matters and bigger does not always equal better.” –Charterstone: Dune

“Leroy doesn’t work on that floor, is the thing. That guy has no idea who this odd, squat man talking to him is. Leroy LIVES for the chaos!” –A Grave Mind

“Sir Rodney is just following the orders of the King’s Privy Council.” –nescio

“I was going to make a comment about Gearhead Gertie’s inconsistent leg length across different strips, but in researching this I discovered that if you type ‘gearhead’ into Google, ‘Gertie’ is not even one of the recommended next words in the list, and the realization of this comic’s apparent lack of relevance in the subculture which it desperately seeks to inhabit made it all feel so pointless. I don’t want to kick Gertie while she’s down. She’s doing enough of that on her own with those weird legs.” –Tristan Olson

“The audacity of the dog’s transgression literally punctured reality and re-animated the rotted flesh, now sentient and upright, staring in horror of Grimm’s sins.” –ctnyc

“I’m gonna start addressing all my notes to ”Phantoms yet to be,’ maybe it’ll inspire someone.” –Plant Growth, on BlueSky

“No, the regular hospital is fine. Daddy’s not on duty.” –Hibbleton

“It’s good that June is a trained medical professional, because if my young son were throwing up a weird colored liquid after being left in the supervision of my twelve-year-old daughter with a TBI, I’d assume he had gotten into the cleaning supplies.” –matt w

“It takes a lot to break Hi’s habitual look of ‘dull surprise.’ But when a light snowfall comes and obscures his most hated archenemy, The Ground, Hi is overwhelmed with warm fuzzies.” –Guts Dozier

“If this strip runs through all its characters, main and ancillary, replacing one another in a giant chain until we get back to Sarah babysitting and June sitting at the eye surgery center going ‘WTF?’ I will forgive a lot. Oh, and Johnny dies of appendicitis, that’s a must-have.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Why is Lois looking so horrified at this light snowfall? Has she, like Dick Tracy’s drunks, just spotted a corpse on the lawn? Is it Thirsty, frozen to death after a drink too many? It’s Thirsty, right?” –Schroduck

“‘Go on’ says Toby, while she anxiously awaits the words ‘I think it’s time we went our separate ways.’” –TK

“Now I’m picturing a series of ‘This Is Fine’ memes with Ian calmly sitting as guano levels rise and more and more parrots crowd the room.” –CanuckDownSouth

“Blondie instinctively covering her butt as the full weight of Dithers’ abuse comes to the surface. She’s either viscerally reacting to Dag’s poor treatment, or feeling a flush as she wonders if he’ll show her just exactly how Dithers inspired him.” –Grendel25

“Sydney Sweeney, eh? Dagwood certainly does enjoy huge breasts have a ‘type.’” –Ukulele Ike

“No, the ‘dining’ bit makes sense; Blondie is reading the latest issue of Food Addict Enabler Magazine.” –Horace Broon

“This relatively Meddling Mary-free arc has me thinking that if she gets turfed out of her own strip, Barney Google-style, in favor of the cross-cultural parrot couple, I for one wouldn’t mind over-much.” –Charterstone: Dune

“If there were intelligent mice in scarves building art in my yard, instead of complaining I’d be seeking fame and fortune and turning science on its head. But then, I’m not a crotchety old man who failed to exploit my intelligent cat for vast riches over the years.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘You underestimate me, but my time is coming!’ is actually covered on Day 1 of Supervillain School. Nice to see Cosmo is branching out and exploring interests. Sadly, he’s super lame, so he’ll be easily dealt with by the lamest heroes. God, the X-Men will probably send DAZZLER.” –A Grave Mind

“Judge Parker: Where ‘I can’t listen anymore, I’m going to cover my ears’ meets ‘tell me more.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women