“I love that Uncle Herman’s gravestone just says ‘HERM,’ entirely misunderstanding the purpose of memorials. Meanwhile, on the floor of a bowling alley, next to a gutter where no one can see it, there’s a lovingly crafted plaque dedicated to ‘Herman Nightjar Fishhawk, bowler, drinker, friend. He always bought the next round, and he loved conspiracy theories so much he married one.’ I have to infer a few things about Herm’s life, but that sounds about right.” –Victor Von

“‘Maybe Mary can offer some advice’???? Maybe? Mary? Advice? Maybe the sun will rise in the East! Maybe gravity will keep us from being flung off into space!” –Trespassers W, on Patreon

“Tommy in his sober rage bursts into the Weston apartment. Points at Wilbur and Dawn and yells, ‘One of you owes me a hundred dollars!’” –Hibbleton

“Don’t stay in school! College is expensive and the college premium is declining. In addition, if more doctors were trained, the end of the artificial scarcity would end the astronomical profits of healthcare in the USA. This is why Rex Morgan, M.D. is promoting non-college paths to employment, like being a mechanic for vintage cars or artisanal fraud!” –Ettorre

“Apparently men in the Hagarverse have chest hair but no navels or nipples. I don’t want to think about what that means theologically or biologically.” –matt w

“If your familiar with ancient Greek Herm statues, you know why the lower portion of the grave isn’t shown in today’s Shoe.” –nescio

“Nice art in Shoe today. That is EXACTLY the expression a boss would have when their employee drags them to visit the grave of their not-even-beloved uncle.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“‘You’re too late,’ Rusty said in a low growl. ‘Procyon rises, and so do my friends. The stars are right, and I have made the proper sacrifices and propitiations. Unlike you, I have studied the forbidden merit badges: Summoning and Control, Animal Friendship, and Citizenship in the Occult World. There will be no more Eagle Scouts, and I rise as the first Raccoon Scout! Destroy them, my friends!’” –Voshkod

“Just want to point out that ‘The Python is free … and in our debt … and in our service…’ is both the best and worst thing you could say at a urinal.” –Joe Blevins

“Insane to think about Greg Walker passively absorbing the trope of aliens saying ‘take me to your leader’ throughout his life, and just assuming, without ever really interrogating it, they mean for cloning, so they can have a leader too. Then putting it in the newspaper like literally anyone else was thinking the same thing! We all know that scene where aliens ask to clone your leader right? No! What are you talking about?!” –Dan

“In the first panel, the dog is sexually propositioning the woman. In the second, he’s sexually propositioning the bird.” –TheDiva

“Rene dismisses the Devilment Twins as idiots, but tell me again why he’s in prison? Attempted battery in front of lots of witnesses, followed by his ignominious rescue by his would be victim?” –Rita Lake

“Based on the giant suits, are we sure ‘Dun Dun da Dun’ is ‘The Wedding March’ and not the beginning of the opening riff from the live version of ‘Psycho Killer?’” –Where’s Rocky?

“Maybe it’s just that the standards of menace have been so raised by the likes of Calvin and Hobbes or Bart Simpson but I can’t remember ever seeing Dennis engage in behavior that would make him a poor children’s party guest. He wears a tiny suit to church for goodness sake! He’s really just a menace because the strip is called Dennis the Menace but who told the inhabitants of the strip that? Who is going around badmouthing this precocious kid who at worst doesn’t always live up to 1950s standards of etiquette? I ask but we all already know it’s Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson is making the neighbor kid a social pariah out of a sort of misplaced dissatisfaction and inadequacy that his pension wasn’t enough to settle him in a gated community with no children.” –BananaSam

“The fact that the guy giving relationship advice to Dawn is the same guy whose last girlfriend tried to murder Dawn makes Mary Worth easily the funniest comic strip being published today.” –Tresspassers W, on Patreon

“I can’t believe the Morgans didn’t start using their own reusable shopping bags since Glenwood banned plastic and Rex found out that the store was going to charge fifteen cents for a paper bag. ‘And let me tell you another thing that’s dishonest, Sarah…’” –But What Do I Know?

“It’s amazing that these two decided to make a living scamming people when they clearly have some kind of disorder that makes them say their entire inner monologue out loud.” –pugfuggly

“With all my heart, I love this angry old lady neighbor character and her stepstool that she climbs on when she wants to yell at her neighbors. I especially love that the stepstool isn’t nearly tall enough to accomplish this modest task.” –Joe Blevins

“Sigh. Fritz Ann is right: life was much simpler when the internet was just a vast series of tubes and all you had to do to stop the bad guys was clamp off the right one. Or shoot them in the head, that would work too.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The dogs are obviously upset by Heathcliff’s antics, although it’s not exactly clear why. I assume they’re barking at him on general principle because he’s a cat, the traditional enemy of the dog, and he chose this impractically slow means of transportation specifically to taunt them, but it’s also possible they’re angry at his enslavement of four noble gastropods. Either way, if they cared enough to do something about it you’d think they’d leave their conveniently-labelled ‘dog run,’ since it’s obviously just a short fence that doesn’t enclose them at all.” –Vulpes

“I guess Dithers didn’t need to send Dagwood to Room 101 to get him to admit that 2+2=5. I’m … relieved?”–Victor Von

“Another way of looking at this? Dennis is the cool kid — he gets invited to all the birthday parties! But he only turns up at a third of them, because he needs to keep his weekends free for bothering the Wilsons, insulting Margaret, and hitting baseballs through people’s windows. If he actually comes to your party, it’s a sign that you’re pretty cool, too. He’ll ruin it, of course — but when the $200-per-hour clown ends up face-down in the cake, that’s really only a problem for the parents.” –BigTed

“Damn it, Bumstead! J.C. Dithers & Co isn’t one of the top dozen polluters for no reason. I didn’t pump out all that CO₂ for a measly 99 degrees. We’re going for a record!” –Navigator

“Is Ronnie supposed to be eating tortellini? Shrimp? A very small, misshapen croissant? One of Ursula the sea witch’s lipsticks?” –Lauralot

“Judging by panel two, Bernice’s influencer shtick should be ‘the amazing phone levitator.’” –matt w

“Come on Nancy, how could not recognize Bernice’s scorn voice? She uses it around your idiot daughter all the time.” –Scott

“Of course the crack alley is next to the pawn shop, with the sliding door, that still has a doorknob… Are we sure that Tommy isn’t high right now?” –Rosstifer

“This is the face of a plugger who just got contacted on Facebook about a money-making opportunity to bring some ‘perfectly legal’ Adderall pills on her vacation to south-east Asia, and who is about to spend the rest of her life in a Thai prison.” –Schroduck

“Rene Belluso is the Moriarty to Rex’s Sherlock! The Sideshow Bob to Rex’s Bart! The Reeky Rat to Rex’s Slylock Fox! He should be trussed up like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs and his visitors have to pass multiple layers of security!” –The Quiet Man

“Little does Reno realize that this is the beginning of the backdoor pilot for Beedie, the hardboiled detective drama starring Tommy, where he cleans up the streets one dealer at a time while searching for his missing girlfriend (she’s on vacation again).” –Anonymous

“Martha’s silent prayer: ‘Just a small stroke, Lord. One that affects his speech center.’” –Hibbleton

“I’ll show them in not a junkie. Would a junkie kill his former dealer and steal all his drugs? He would? Well, anyway, thanks for letting me lie low at your apartment for a bit, Mary.” –TheRealAaron

“‘They’ve got World Cup Fever, and are showing terminal symptoms of brain damage! Look at them, batting around hotdogs and hamburgers when there’s a perfectly good soccer ball right there. They’re goners. We have to keep them out of the house to survive!’ ‘Yeah, gotta red card ’em.’ ‘What did you say?’ [cocks gun]” –Voshkod

“Sophie is so desperate for coffee that she’s gnawing on the mug. That’s not where the caffeine is!” –CanuckDownSouth

“One would think a soap comic character would be too used to nothing in particular happening to ever go stir-crazy.” –ectojazzmage

“‘I’m going to the mall, Dad … Tommy and I are going to check out the Teen Dance-Offs!’ Let us pause to marvel at this majestic piece of dialogue that could 100% be spoken by any young American in the year of our Lord 2026. Dawn (#1852 US girls’ name) and Tommy (#731 US boys’ name) are going to watch teen-agers dance off (sulk on their phones between rounds of Dance Dance Revolution) at the mall (closed in 2018, last recorded stores: Spencer’s and a Thai massage parlor). It’s low-key the start of a very chalant relationship, fr fr! (Or maybe it’s a skibidi relationship, who can say?)” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Wilbur’s never looked better! Does wide-eyed shock take years off a man’s face, or has he been moisturizing?” –Victor Von

“Too late, Fritz Ann. No-one gambles on real gaming machines these days. They’re all addicted to psychologically perfected Skinner-box hyperspeed slot machine apps from online ghost casinos hosted out of Malta and Singapore. What do you think Mrs Wilson is doing with her husband’s social security while she watches her stories?” –Schroduck

“NO! No, Mrs. Wilson, NO! You are NOT trapped in the Funkyverse! You are in a different hell with an eternal 5-year-old where it’s somehow both the 1950s and the 21st century, but you do not have to let yourself be forced to do bad word play! Fight this incursion! FIGHT IT!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘Gaming machines,’ eh? I wasn’t aware Neo-Chicago had overturned their ban on pinball.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“It’s just boxes of RAM, which is worth its weight in gold.” –JERP

“I can’t believe the plot is setting up a scenario where the Morgans not tipping is heroic. Villains want you to tip, which is a scam by the way” –Dan

“These able-bodied young women with access to fancy matching outfits and expensive hair dye clearly don’t need to beg for money, any more than they actually know how to play the violin. So what exactly is the ‘scam’ they’re pulling by getting people to throw a buck or two into their tip can? The only possible answer is that they’re extracting DNA from the bills, then creating clones of the tippers that they can use to steal their identities and drain their bank accounts. Sure, it seems like an extremely difficult, complicated plan with major upfront costs compared to the potential profit — but the sisters’ cultish outfits suggest that the eventual goal is to create a clone army that will answer only to their leader, a genetics specialist who’s still mad that Rex beat him on a test in medical school or something. Just wait until he has clones of June and Sarah, which he can use for especially nefarious shenanigans after two or three decades of training! Anyway, that must be where this plot is going — because otherwise it would end up as something pointless and boring, rather than one of the thrilling tales we’ve come to expect from Rex Morgan, M.D.” –BigTed

“I won’t be lured into addiction by Tommy Beedie. He’s harmless. Unlike the guys running my social media, who have me so hooked I can’t look up from my phone.” –But What Do I Know?

“I’m actually looking forward to the upcoming gamer angle in Dick Tracy. Sam’s user name will be ‘Definitely NOT a Cop,’ as he wanders aimlessly in whatever MMPRPG she brought along.” –Chip Cayer

“Based on the name, I assume a ‘Roxx’ chair is actually an x-treme rebranding of a rocking chair. And doesn’t it say a lot about humanity that one person, even a criminal like the Hacker, can enjoy both the latest in interactive entertainment on high-end ‘gaming machines’ and the simple pleasures of wobbling back and forth while sitting down?” –Vulpes

“For a beautiful moment, I failed to notice the plugger’s dummy thicc ass, and thought the panel had arrived at a state of punchline-free nirvana of which Hi and Lois could only dream. This is a plugger! He drank too much last night, and now he’s quietly suffering the consequences! Behold, a man!” –Navigator

“He died as he lived, alone and in great pain.” –Lauralot

“‘Hey wait, why can’t Crankshaft drive his bus into a lake and die?’ thought everybody in this comic strip except Crankshaft, who was thinking about blowing up a grill this holiday weekend.” –nescio

“Crock has barely any trace left of the Foreign Legion and colonial France. For example, here we are supposed to think that French people would think a very big nose is unappealing and something to be corrected. Preposterous!” –Ettorre

“‘Am I supposed to … uh, relate to you emotionally in some way?’ ‘Chill. It ain’t that kinda party.’” –Joe Blevins