“If you’re the kind of snobby high-brow whose idea of art is a framed square of neon pink, you deserve to be torn apart by a furry cult.” –Schroduck

“I like that Dustin’s dad seems to have jumped straight into his flower defense the second he stepped in the door. ‘What are you looking at? It’s not unusual for me to bring home flowers for your mother! I have a well-established pattern of buying flowers for her! No, what would be weird was if I didn’t buy flowers for her, because I knew some kind of tragedy had befallen her, in which I might be involved. But I have no such knowledge, so all of this is very normal! Boy, look at the time: 5:18. Yes, I am back in the house at 5:18, which is at least 35 minutes from the quarry…’” –pugfuggly

“I was going to say this lack of realism didn’t matter because Mary Worth readers don’t know anyone in their early twenties, but then I remembered that’s exactly who staffs their assisted living facilities.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Why does Meg look so smugly satisfied in panel three? My guess is that she has an entire, surprisingly-popular subreddit devoted to her parents’ terrible marriage, and she can’t wait to tell them all about this latest pathetic incident.” –Joe Blevins

“I assume Andy Capp is unqualified to be a human statue because he starts to get the DT shakes if he goes without beer for more than hour.” –Guts Dozier

“Murder at the Bookstore Burning? Isn’t that just ‘arson?’ Arson in the Addlepate’s Attic. That one’s for free.” –Voshkod

“The ironic part is that they’re all lining up to buy Lillian’s book just so they can burn it.” –Cleveland Mocks

“And just like that, helpless, whiny Summer is all blasé and cool. ‘Just my stalker, who got murdered by some dying guy, who then gave my new boyfriend his truck. No biggie.’”–MKay

“This is my friend Mike. He’s a six-year-old middle-aged trucker from 1975.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Does Summer think that her daughter would hear about the murder and just brush it off? Kelly might be a former rebel turned milquetoast moll, but she’s not a soulless Morgan child.” –Needless Exposition

“That a man joined the army without knowing its basic function and still rose to the rank of one-star general is only slightly less believable than that man is also a bird.” –Hibbleton

“‘Holy cow, somebody sure screwed up the line breaks in this epitaph.’ ‘Oh well! No biggie, it’s not carved in — aw, nuts.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Chicken marsala is never very good. It’s the least interesting of the Italian-American scaloppina dishes. Just sautéed chicken in a reduced sauce of Marsala wine, garlic, and a hella lot of butter. Alice’s Mom’s secret ingredient was that she spit in it.” –Ukulele Ike

“You really want that chicken marsala recipe? Dig then! You’ll find it in my cold, dead hands. Bon appétit!… unless this is completely the wrong grave. Kind of hard to be sure in this cemetery where names aren’t used on headstones.” –Umma

“Hi! I’m a wacky, fun-loving (and slightly murderous) character who just traveled across the country unannounced for a fling! Also, I’m a woman in a Mary Worth comic, so I’m going to spend every evening of that spontaneous vacation cooking dinner!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“I kinda thought that the zzzzzs were the cars, and that Harold had found the blessed white light of death, sans Gertie. Keep trying, Harold.” –A Grave Mind

“Gearhead Gertie being strongly against F1 is such an interesting move to me. It’s the only comic I can think of about motorsports, but they’ve chosen to alienate a big chunk of motorsports enthusiasts. It would be like if Gil Thorp refused to acknowledge hockey as a sport, or if every Sunday Rex Morgan, M.D., strip was dedicated to his unending disdain for gastroenterologists.” –Tristan Olson

“I can’t stop wondering why Dawn’s hair is flying out behind her but Wilbur’s combover is just staying glued to his scalp, even though they’re both rushing to the living room at the same speed. It’s come to this.” –Charterstoned

“You can tell this romance is real because Kelly literally forgets about her boyfriend’s existence while talking to other people and when reminded of it says dully, ‘Oh, yeah. Him.’ Romeo and Juliet, move over! There’s a new standard for pure, eternal love in town!” –Chance

“In the black-and-white version in our local dead tree, I thought the picture was of Washington crossing the Delaware. Good to see I can get a full-color version on Komics Kondom and realize it’s a bowl of flowers crossing the Delaware.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“If that tire trick actually works, which is doubtful, maybe Slylock should use it to liberate the chest full of gold doubloons and assorted treasures from the sunken pirate ship that’s just sitting there a few yards away, instead of bothering with the hundred bucks or so worth of quarters that a now-drowned criminal (RIP) swiped from the local arcade. Ah, well, no one ever claimed he was the world’s greatest detective. Oh, he did? I don’t know what to tell you, then.” –BigTed

“From his expression, it looks like Dagwood is celebrating the coincidence of Easter with 4/20 this year.” –Logar the Librarian

“Slylock first tied his special Scuba Cape around Max and the sack, then he cleverly pulled the cord on Max’s emergency ascent vest causing him to shoot to the surface with the treasure, this action requiring an emergency visit to the Forest Decompression Chamber. Max did not survive but the Forest Penny Collection tripled in size that day.” –Mikey

“Look at my hands! There’s a normal number of fingers! We are not AI, someone put effort into drawing us! But why?!” –Ettorre

“College may be expensive, but I don’t know why the Flagstons are worried. Their smartest child is a baby that thinks a square of sunlight is her friend. Buy that hot sports car, you won’t regret it.” –Schroduck

“Teachers don’t really wear little name tags like that, do they? The school brought in a rep from a travel agency, didn’t they? I smell kickback!” –Pozzo

“A map of Italy that excludes Milan, Venice, Sicily and Sardinia: pretty menacing. Standing up so fast that your chair flies off-panel: also menacing.” –Guts Dozier

“I wouldn’t have thought it possible to make a complaint as valid as ‘you made me witness a murder’ sound whiny and entitled, but here we are.” –Lauralot

“‘Darling, I know you face whatever may come, that’s your way’ is the most stilted compliment on a partner’s oral sex skills I’ve ever read.” –nescio

“Abbey knows how to get through unpleasant conversations: beige wine and plenty of it.” –Joe Blevins

“George has already prepared for playing chess against Henry by making sure he took a double dose of Vicodin. It’s a winning strategy, except when it involves actually playing chess.” –Needless Exposition

“Budget cuts mean the Thorps can only afford an 8-point SLAM for their door.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“DAWN: ‘You’re a good friend, Cathy. Thanks for that.’ CATHY: ‘I actually have a lot going on in my life too. Yesterday–‘ [dial tone]” –Dan

“Does lying down and having a CBD gummy count as doing yoga? It does if you have cancer! Wait, that’s the joke, isn’t it, the lady has end-stage ovarian cancer and this is all she can do to manage the nausea caused by her medications?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Uh oh, Dawn: are you taking advice from someone who is not the titular character of this strip? I hope that’s a burner phone.” –pugfuggly

“‘You’re a terrific person!’ declares Dawn’s best/only friend, proving that she doesn’t know Dawn that well at all.” –TheDiva

“Two years later, Summer and Augie get a bill from the impound yard when the cops release the truck as evidence. ‘That’ll be $11,000.00, please.’” –Hibbleton

“The creative staff at Red Morgan, M.D. worked too hard learning to draw a Ford F150 extended cab to just throw away those acquired skills.” –Philip

“If you have to offer incentives to get people to stay during your murder confession, it is way too long and rambled, sir.” –Quiggle

“The Perfesser’s ‘Fitbit’ is the bit he does where he dramatically clicks his tongue and shakes his head solemnly while adding a mark to the office whiteboard every time Shoe has a fit, and it’s directly responsible for two of today’s five.” –BananaSam

“Good to see an appearance by Johnny Dollar, the man with action-packed expense account.” –smokey stover

“Love that Mary Worth goes with a Dutch angle in panel 4 before getting downright non-Euclidean in panel 5. 10/10 no notes.” –Porridge McGruel, on BlueSky

“I like how that guy in the throwaway panels looks less like a distracted driver than some dude updating his score on his vehicular assault app.” –pugfuggly

“Oh come on, Karen! Belle is not a ‘patient adversary’ — she’s been in town less than forty-eight hours and she’s already trying to poison Dawn. And not some kind of slow-acting, make-it-look-natural poison that can leech Dawn’s life away while Belle insists on staying in town to help Wilbur take care of his poor ailing daughter (and, eventually, comfort him in his loss), but freaking drain cleaner that will eat through Dawn like her dad going through a sack of White Castles. The only instance in which she’s displayed patience is being willing to put up with Wilbur, which admittedly shows a great amount of restraint but isn’t exactly ‘adversarial,’ unless this is a long game to get at his life insurance.” –TheDiva

“If anyone ever has to summarise Pardon My Planet’s target audience, I think today’s strip does it perfectly: ‘Aging Gen X grunge fans who are also paranoid raw milk freaks.’” –Schroduck

“If you ever worked in theater or film, one of the most annoying things is when extras or walk-on characters break with blocking and direction and draw attention to themselves. This milkman is parked on the wrong side of the street opposite the market so he can be centered in the frame. He’s facing the wrong direction so he break the fourth wall. He’s not even looking at Heathcliff or reacting to him, undercutting all the stunt work Heathcliff meticulously planned out for the jump. This milkman will be blacklisted from this strip for this blatant unprofessionalism.” –Philip

“Count Weirdly’s purple, detachable primary sexual characteristic, ‘Li’l Scrote’ is back and helping The Count fit together various aerospace-grade Mil-DTL-38999 Series III wiring harness connectors. The connectors are mysteriously missing the pins and sockets necessary for a functioning cable connection, demonstrating once again that Count Weirdly suffers from Oliver Sacks level of perceptual malfunctions, and realistically offers no harm to any Forestville resident, or the government.” –Doc Wonmug

“It’s been a few months now since Marty Moon lost his job for being drunk, right? Everyone else is wearing short sleeves because it’s spring (baseball season), but not Ol’ Marty. He’s been wearing the same ratty denim jacket since January. Probably hasn’t changed ANY of his clothes, TBH. What I’m saying is that Marty might wanna start working on his personal hygiene along with his addiction issues. Pretty sure you can do both.” –brendancalling

“What do you think Dagwood carries in his briefcase? My guess: cold cuts.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m looking forward to Rex Morgan, M.D. finally coming to an end and passing the torch to its replacement, The Many Vengeances of Old Man Murder.” –Victor Von

“The Duke is committing the cardinal error in combat — don’t bring a [squints] cutting board to a Viking fight.” –But What Do I Know?

“Mr. Svenson was apparently in such a rush to grab a quick smoke, that he left a single boot behind, Cinderella-style.” –Guts Dozier

“Try walking down that sidewalk in sandals: a hydrant right up the middle, rivers of dog urine to the sides.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“How long do we think Mary Worth Incorporated is going to pad out the ‘Wilbur’s girlfriend keeps getting foiled in her attempts to poison Dawn’ story? The point was made with the first one, but I personally hope it just keeps going for months, with increasingly more elaborate food-based ploys, until it culminates in a Princess Bride-esque switcheroo where Belle ends up dead after consuming the poisoned meal herself.” –bakeryjumpscare

“‘You chump,’ thinks Dustin. ‘You went to the ballet while I stayed home eating tortilla chips and balancing a glass of milk on the sofa, both of which are strictly forbidden while Mom is home. I am wild, I am free, you are a henpecked cuck. Crap, I didn’t say that out loud, did I?’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Dawn knows what’s up. I mean, come on — surely you can’t think Belle is the first person to every try and poison her?” –Old School Allie Cat

“I don’t like what I’m hearing. If that officer of suspicious of someone, he should take the guy downtown, or at least question him with other cops around for intimidation. Multiple casual conversations over the course of the day with relaxed body language is NOT how to pin it on someone!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“At first glance I thought the waitress striding away was saying the caption in the word balloon — which tracks very well for her daily chore of attending to these fossils on daily basis. Therapy would be futile.” –Kirkout

“Man, I love this city. The skyline from the distance, and how the parks, the restaurants, the theater district, and the dump are all conveniently located downtown. There’s a reason they call it ‘the city that never hires urban planners!’” –Voshkod

“Look, kid, your cat’s welcome to eat all the rats and roaches he can kill, but don’t come crying to us when he chokes to death on a disposable e-cig and ruins your weird Victorian child-rearing fantasy or whatever.” –Wilktoast