“Personally, I wish more comics were like today’s Beetle Bailey. ‘I invented this character to hate, as a joke. And after fifty years of hating him, I’m all out of jokes. But I’m not out of hate! You suck, Fuzz! My only remaining joy in life is drawing you frowning.’” –bunivasal

“The men are happy but Sarge sadly realizes that with the base’s limited resources there’s only room for the one mascot, Otto, at Camp Swampy. The next morning he’ll tell the men that the boy had to ‘go home.’” –Hibbleton

“It’s Barbie feminism at its finest that all these women use the old my-job-is-my-whole-identity paradigm just to package themselves for this hunk, but some of them got more game than others. ‘As a medic, I perscribe rest and diet. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of ALL your bodily needs’: Smart and sexy, A+. ‘You think only doctors can be nutritionists? Ha! Pilots are the real doctors!’: Stop copying off your neighbor, Flygirl, C-. ‘Mapping my way to you’: Clever, poetic, B+. ‘Before you know it, I’ll be speaking you fluently’: Doesn’t really make sense but I respect the moxie, B-. ‘Liaison to … you?’: Embarrassing, I expect better from an ‘intelligence’ officer, but then again, you don’t see anything hinky about an obvious alias like ‘John X’ so maybe my expectations shouldn’t be too high, D.” –T Campbell

“When I was a kid, my dad would take me and my brothers to the park to throw boomerangs. We never hit a bird, but sometimes the birds would fly close enough that they’d turn and start chasing the boomerangs as if they were chasing an intruder on their territory. This is basically a roundabout way of saying that a bird-penned boomerang story would probably be very spiteful, and probably end up as a popular hate-read in the world of birds.” –Glarryg

“Yes, the story of the Commonwealth Aircraft Corporation Boomerang. Rushed into service at the beginning of World War II to provide Australia with a domestically produced fighter aircraft, it ended up being too slow and heavy for effective flying. Fascinating stuff. I really identify with it.” –Voshkod

“The Root Beer Council’s proposed sponsorship of the show Finding Your Roots was turned down due to PBS refusing to place cans of root beer in critical shots on the show. So if they can’t reach the hardcore genealogy market with a bad pun, they can at least hit the geriatric newspaper readership, who will hopefully be inclined to serve root beer when their descendants come around asking for stories.” –Philip

“What, you think my bullshit job or my wife’s on-again/off-again catering business pays for all this? This house was bought with Alpo commercial money.” –pugfuggly

“The important thing here is, this minimum wage hat wearer at the Snarl Box isn’t at all shy about telling Hi Flagston that he thinks Hi does depraved and disgusting things with his wadded and rolled-up currency. ” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The authorities wanted to take you away to live in a normal home, but I know you belong in an old wooden crate.” –Peanut Gallery

“I know where it’s going: down some stripper’s g-string! Good day, sir!” –2+2=7

“What’s Santa Royale’s neighboring city that’s never been mentioned before? Taft! You’re damn right.” –Schroduck

“Gotta give it to Sonia, talking in exposition is one way to distract your root beer engorged foe from the telegraphed punch you’re about to throw.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“In the neighboring city of Taft/ Oppressed folx have been getting the shaft/ Allies speak with precision/ To fend off cruel derision/ But The Man still considers them daft.” –Fausto

“I got a B- in sticking it to the man.” –Dennis Jimenez

“Or did that doctor say it was a tumor in my brain? Well, either way you’re not getting promoted, butter bar.” –jroggs

“The government just wants control over the people! That’s why I’m studying to be a social worker, so the government can never tell me what to do! What’s that? Most social workers are employed by the government? Who control their jobs? And their salaries? Um, I think I’m gonna need another root beer, Daddy-o … make it a double!” –BigTed

“I’m honestly just curious what Sam’s mug says. ‘Mom?’ ‘Motherf***** get your own cup?’ ‘Me Lucky Charms?’ This is going to bug me all day.” –The Rambling Otter

“Rex isn’t shocked; he’s incredulous. He thinks he can Barney Google his way out of having to appear in his eponymous strip, but the plot keeps finding him.” –Vice President John Adams

“Anyone else alarmed by Mary’s ‘People have often praised it over the years’? I’m thinking the next line might be ‘The others are dead.’” –Ken

“Chip’s alleged teenager tendencies have always been a few decades behind, so it’s actually quite a bit refreshing to see that he’s become an Orioles bandwagoner.” –jroggs

“Anyway I like to think that ‘Be curious, not judgmental’ is telling Keith how to react to the tuna casserole.” –matt w

“You bastards. You had to remind me of one of my favorite candy bars that’s no longer available, at least in the United States. ‘Great dinner, honey! What’s for dessert? I sure could go for a delicious Oh Henry! bar right about now!’ [Glares at everyone in angry silence]” –Peanut Gallery

“How long can Mary stand on tip-toes to peer over Keith’s shoulder? This is where her exercise routine pays off.” –Midtown

“First Keith shows up looking like beefy Aldo. Now he’s doing Wilbur’s heretofore-unknown-adult-child plot. Is he just going to speedrun through being the whole of Mary Worth history, showing everyone at Charterstone what their lives could have been like if they’d just hit the gym a little? (Basically the same but Mary has a harder time dominating the panel.)” –Dan

“Actually, Loretta, for your information, I just infiltrated a high school by posing as a student like in 21 Jump Street. On a related note, it didn’t work, and I’d brace myself for the police that are about to knock our door down.” –ectojazzmage

“I believe otherwise and, I can paint a fuller picture for you. Can I COME IN? Just help me with this full-sized easel, and this rolling cart filled with my oils and acrylics—here, you! Old lady! Carry this collection of brushes and don’t mash them—those are my expensive Japanese—okay, put the baking dish down first. What the hell is that, anyway? It smells like my cat’s canned tuna. Gak! Okay, set it up over by the window. Don’t you even have a northern exposure in this dump? Now, ‘Dad,’ you sit in the chair and fold your hands on your lap … tilt your head up just a little … turn your head a bit more to the left — there! Now, just hold that position while I paint a fulle picture for you. You can see by my canvas that I’ve already painted myself into this piece. It’s a family portrait and I call it ‘Fool Me Once.’” –Charterstoned

“The problem with learning is that it never stops. Unlike, say, our teacher’s body, which appears to end at the bottom of the chalk board. Stupid school board cutbacks.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I like your sense of humour! Puns so tame they go by almost unnoticed are really my jam. Speaking of jam, is it possible to make the food without any flavour whatsoever?” –pugfuggly

“I still have CDs and only got rid of my flip phone a couple of years ago — I’m lucky if I can get adults interested in talking to me.” –Pozzo

“Why has Susan’s face abruptly gone all gratified devious grinch in the final panel? Did the coworker’s story suggest some promising potential refinements to her plan to steal Halloween?” –Violet

“The murderer in Curtis shows up at the door: ‘I’ve got an Ice to Pikk with you! Wait, that didn’t sound right, let me try again. You’ve Pikked the wrong guy to have messed with! No … that’s not really that great, wait! I got it! You can Pikk your friends but you can’t Pikk your…’ [door slams in his face]” –The Rambling Otter

“Well, the good thing is they only have what, two or three outfits each? Packing all their clothes should take five minutes, maybe less.” –Jason1981

“The key to success in crime, Rene thought, is finding people dumb enough not to file kidnapping charges because you give them the old repentant criminal bit. Your murder beefs become six month stints, your kidnapping charges don’t even get filed. Morons are where it’s at.” –jerp+jump

“I like to imagine that Zero is doing this because he exasperated Sarge or the officers so much that they told him to ‘go fly a kite‘, like in old-fashioned comics. The officers had to keep this G-rated insult not because of children reading the strip but because they know Zero is literal-minded and they don’t want the horror that would occur if they told him to ‘go fuck yourself!’” –Ettorre

“Sure, there are lots of things you can do with three fingers and a thumb — drop your coffee, read a two-page book, play a three-stringed guitar, fly a kite two feet in the air. But just think how much these guys could accomplish if the artist had the ability to draw their hands with four fingers and a thumb — heck, they could probably fight an entire war or something! Not win it, of course, but they’d get points for trying.” –BigTed

“But can humans sniff each other’s butts? Well, yeah, I guess they can, but it’s frowned on in public.” –Pozzo

“Keith has spent the last few days installing five extra locks on his door, but hey, the casserole can be squeezed under it, spoonful by determined spoonful.” –MKay

“Good idea, Mary, give the single man living by himself a sixteen-serving casserole that, even if by some miracle he likes it, he’ll never be able to finish before it starts to molder in his fridge. That will REALLY endear you to him.” –TheDvia

“Ah, good old General Halftrack! The character famously established as always up to date and using the latest technology, unlike SPC Chip Gizmo, a character that the strip introduced in 2002 apparently for no reason whatsoever! Also if anyone gives me guff about saying ‘latest technology’ when QR codes were invented in 1994 we are both going to wind up in The Hague but I am going to have enjoyed it more.” –matt w

“It’s funny how the punchline to this strip is essentially ‘I’m horny!’ Wait, I mean off-putting. I mean, look at those eyes. [shivers]” –pugfuggly

“I tried to extrapolate the QR code on the assumption that it had been lifted from a product found in a Walker-Browne household, meaning that it was invented no later than 1965. I’m thinking either Sanka or Pond’s Cold Cream.” –Tom T.

“But the good news is I told them to shove it! So they’ll be here in 15 minutes to pick up this creepy little shit and I’ll never have to see him again!” –jroggs

“Who says ‘out of stir’ except …[Buzz pulls off his wig and goatee-covering latex appliance] OTHER CRIMINALS!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The choice to bold the word like here delights me. Mary has done the following things: decided to make a tuna casserole; pulled the pin and made said tuna casserole; placed it in a box that once held, if I’m not mistaken, a men’s dress shirt purchased at JC Penney, and still holds the tissue paper from that purchase; folded the tissue paper carefully over the tuna casserole; carried the tuna casserole up/down at least one flight of stairs; deflected this giant man’s no doubt polite attempts to reject a visit from a woman who is clearly on a truly mind-pummeling amount of cocaine; and, finally, waited for him to fold back the tissue paper and pick up a pan of tuna casserole that is either piping-hot or lukewarm at best, before wondering ‘Huh, I wonder if this guy actually likes tuna casserole.’ (She doesn’t care about the answer. He’s getting a casserole whether he likes it or not.)” –els

“I hope Keith Hillend is also open minded about 3rd degree burns after searing his bare hands on that piping hot cast iron baking dish that, only moments ago, Mary pulled steaming from her oven using thick oven mitts before placing it into an insulated bag and taking it directly to her upstairs neighbor.” –Charterstoned

“I’m no psychiatrist but if both my parents loomed over me while I did my homework (creative scribbling?) I’d probably engage in some menacing behavior myself.” –Hibbleton

“A biting satire on the arbitrariness with which the law is enforced? Or just wacky shenanigans? Either way, it does imply that someone is about to get 20 years as a joke.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“Hootin’ Holler, which is much more interested in blood feuds than who sits in the remains of the White House or Capitol, doesn’t resist whichever regime will claim them, and throws up a patched blanket of whatever regime happens to be in charge and in town to try and enforce the claim. As soon as the regime’s sole functionary is called away, the blanket goes down and life goes on as it always has.” –Philip