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Folks, next week is a holiday Friday, and even though I’ll be posting as usual, I’m still giving you a week longer than I normally do to prepare yourself for the Internet Read Aloud, my live Internet-themed comedy show, in Los Angeles!

It’s gonna be lit, much like a Christmas tree and/or menorah! Here’s the Facebook event!

And here’s the comment of the week!

“So that’s Miss Buxley, which makes sense since Sam and Silo is a Mort Walker strip, except according to Wikipedia Walker did the writing not the art, and also he stepped away from the strip in 1997, leaving the strip entirely to Jerry Dumas, who died in 2016, and then the strip ended ‘circa 2017,’ which raises the question, how am I reading the thing that I’m reading? At a certain point do legacy strips simply start reproducing themselves like an out-of-control sourdough starter?” –matt w

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“Why does Curtis have a cell phone? Do you know how many packs of cigarettes Greg could buy for the price of a cell phone?” –ZeroWolf

“Curtis is setting himself up to fail the next pop quiz, not knowing how many instances of the word ‘gab’ to write down for the answers.” –Just John

“That crocodile is called Colin. All crocodiles who wear T-shirts and shorts are called Colin, and are the last upholders of the ‘innocent boys at play, suffering wholesome ailments like grazed knees or toothache’ ethos. I hope the criminal dog respects that worldview, cos if he decides to take hostages Colin will be the first to go.” –‘mantha

“There’s a certain ominous quality to ‘I know a place where everyone goes.’ He means Hell, right? He’s definitely talking about Hell.” –Joe Blevins

“Pausing for only the briefest moment, Dolly pointedly ignores her brother’s heretical ignorance. Patience, she thinks to herself, patience is a virtue. Under her new world order, Jeffy will be the first to go.” –Austria

“‘I need some space right now.’ ‘But I am space! Length, depth, and width, all taken up without any real content! Please, that I physically exist is my best attribute!’” –pachoo

“Hi puts his garbage out on the curb at the last possible minute, instead of doing it on the night before, to keep his neighbors from seeing all of Hi’s discarded liquor bottles and porno magazines during their evening strolls. His expression this morning is appropriate for someone who has just learned that his efforts have been thwarted by incriminatinggarbage.com.” –seismic-2

“I hope we find out that Wilbur is involved in a midnight breakdancing gang.” –Foodar

“Maybe I’m a food snob, but I definitely would not order anything off the ‘secret menu’ of a diner where the food is being prepared in a part of the restaurant that is clearly where the restroom should be.” –Brad

“ In your rye (or white or wheat)/ Your rye (I put lunchmeat)” –Dan

“This boombox must be at least 20 years old, playing a tape that’s probably closer to 30 or even 40, as water slowly seeps into its interior. Not only must it sound awful, I can’t wait for the tape to jam and get chewed up, leaving Wilbur desperately trying to wind it back it in with a pencil as Estelle sighs and goes back to bed.” –Schroduck

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine rain splashing on Wilbur’s mopey face while he holds a boombox — forever.” –Ettorre

“I choose to believe Wilbur picked this song about how nice it is to get rained on on purpose, to make it look like he scrambled to find any song with rain in it to underscore how very tragic it is to be standing in the rain holding a stereo to apologize to your beloved and didn’t stop to think any further than that. He knows how pitiful he is, and he knows pity is his best chance with Estelle, and he’s taken the pity play to the next level.” –Amelie

“The total lack of background in Family Circus isn’t laziness. It’s the formless void the world would occasionally collapse into back in 1978, when Thel bought those pants. The only things in the void are Thel, Jeffy and the bowl of gruel. No way is she letting go of the gruel.” –Downpuppy

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Comment of the week? Comment … of the week!

“Sure, the rhythm is important — like my Pappy used to say, ‘KA-WHACK before WHACK, that gator’ll be back’ — but it’s all just wasted effort without a hearty ‘Get out of here!’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Runners up? Also very funny!

“It’s kind of weird that Wilbur brought up his Matrix fandom as a way of proving he’s young and hip. He could have mentioned a popular movie that’s in theaters now — say, Joker — although the idea of a sad middle-aged loser who’s driven crazy by his anger at the world might hit just a little too close to home. Then there’s Doctor Sleep, about a sad middle-aged loser who’s driven crazy by… on second thought, maybe they should discuss music instead. I bet Garth Brooks is a favorite of both Wilbur and Zak’s dad!” –BigTed

“Is Zak an android? All he does during these trying situations is to smile. Is this how he manages his company? ‘You’re fired! [with big grin]’” –Government Cheese

“People reading the strip now weren’t around to read those WWII strips, so we are free to place Snuffy’s military service in any era we choose, ignoring the fact that for most of the strip’s history Snuffy has been shown fighting in armed conflict against agents of the US Government, especially the Treasury Department.” –seismic-2

“Dennis, get out of there and let the poor man enjoy his box of electric picture frames in peace.” –Peanut Gallery

“Visually, the saddest thing about today’s strip is Wilbur’s disheveled combover, which he had spent so much time meticulously styling before he started fortifying himself with ‘liquid courage.’ In a way, the combover is symbolic of Wilbur himself: At its worst, it looks terrible; at its best, it’s not going to impress any ladies in the least; and in the final analysis, it’s probably best to keep it covered up as much as possible.” –Guy Lumbago

“I think the Howells are about to be tried in a far higher court than ours. King Triton is a vindictive mofo, I’m trying to say, and I hear he still holds a grudge about how Ariel was treated by the humans shortly after the credits rolled.” –Ubiquitous Bob

“You know what’s really sad? Estelle will forever associate Zak and Iris as ‘Wilbur’s friends,’ while Zak and Iris will classify Estelle as ‘Wilbur’s girlfriend’. You have a source of suffering in common! It is a sound foundation of solidarity and brotherhood!” –Ettorre

“Which animal has the shortest lifespan? Whichever one makes the mistake of getting picked up for a drunk-and-disorderly in the upper east side of the Forest Kingdom. You can tell by the look on the cop’s face that this bear will be having a tragic mishap while ‘resisting arrest.’” –jroggs

“Estelle has spicy diarrhea, which made her think of Wilbur. It’s a little unfair to compare the two, because the decision that lead to the former would have been at least briefly enjoyable.” –Rosstifer

“Nothing makes a plugger wife unhappier than to know her husband is happy. Nothing makes a plugger husband happier than to know his wife is unhappy. The Circle of Life, Plugger Style!” –Only Here For The Ads

“Mary Worth could have put an Elder sign on that door. They could have used the Yellow Sign, and had the door open to grim Carcosa, where the King in Yellow awaits brooding. They could have revealed Wilbur’s true form, a shoggoth wearing human clothes. They could have given up Mary’s great secret, that she is ageless in mind and form, that she has been and always will be, that she advised pharaohs and darkling gods. But no. They’re just going to give us some old woman’s anxiety dream. Thanks for nothing.” –Voshkod

“This works better if you imagine it as the start to a very specific cuck fantasy.” –Rube

“I like that Estelle’s unconscious mind assumes that Wilbur reproduces parthenogenetically, like some kind of big dorky amoeba. I mean, it’s plausible.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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It’s time for your top comment of the week!

“That is not the way invasive species work. That is not the way ecology works. But most of all, that is not the outfit to wear on a forest inspection, Princess Pussycat! Seriously, do you wear that floor-length robe 24/7? Please, have more confidence in your vast regal powers and go ahead and don casual gear when the occasion warrants. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown and never ever takes it off.” –Poteet

Your runners up are also hilarious!

“‘Do you want to hear what I’m going to do next summer?‘ Margaret asks during the first week of November. Who’s the real menace?” –Westing1992

“Wilbur is so drunk that he managed to stutter in a thought bubble.” –Noel

“Dagwood’s plan is just two headlines and Windows 95 clip art. Maybe Dithers is right to treat him so badly.” –Ettorre

“Wilbur is literally devolving before our very eyes. He’s been getting shorter and uglier, and now he’s starting to turn into a character from a differently drawn comic strip genre altogether. I’m guessing workplace humor, but I wouldn’t rule out funny animal or talking baby.” –T.H. Steady

“I like Daisy’s wide-eyed reaction in Panel 1. ‘Facial recognition system? Is our beloved legacy comic strip now going to be exploring social implications of omnipresent monitoring technology and how modern-day fears of one another in a polarized society could lead to the creation of a police state, run by a massive AI that constantly collects data on everyone and uses that information to subjugate us to the wishes of some technocratic overlords? Is Blondie finally becoming… relevant???’ Then in Panel 2 Dagwood proposes his idea, and Daisy thinks ‘Whew, had me worried there for a minute!’, and goes back to sleep.” –seismic-2

“I’m a little concerned that Estelle and Iris’s reaction to Wilbur’s public drunkenness is mild resignation. Do you want to end up like Loretta Lockhorn, ladies? Because this is how you end up like Loretta Lockhorn.” –TheDiva

“Just before Wilbur picked up the bottle last week I was wondering if they’d ever address the fragility of ego he must have to maintain such a terrible combover in 20-dang-19, and WELP” –Skeleton Munroe, on Twitter

“It’s kind of adorable that Snuffy and Silas are completely jaded by America’s political system yet still innocent enough to think that a ‘hunnert‘ constitutes a proper bribe. C’mon guys, most senators won’t take your call until you’ve funneled 100k through a PAC and gotten their nephew a corporate vice president gig.” –pugfuggly

“Yes, Zak’s facial expression is great, but take a peek at Estelle. Sure, it’s a look of shame, but not for the reason you think. She’s been out with so many horrific Silverdaters, it’s now developed into a kink for her. ‘Oh yeah. That’s it, Wilbur. Mock him. Mock his tofu order, right after straight-up trying to order a goddamned Mayo Lassi. When you end up face-down in your spice-level-ten Panang Curry, I’ll drive home alone and replay the carnage over and over again in my mind.’” –Carsick Yankee

“Confessing to murder is a pretty shocking way to change the topic of conversation, but life in prison is certainly preferable to listening to Les Moore talk about Dead Lisa.” –jroggs

“We’re ready to order. First, let’s do a plate of phallic symbols, to share. By sharing, I mean we’ll each stick them whole into Wilbur’s mouth, one by one by one.” –Phil A. Sheo

“Bull had a solo car date … with death!” –Sir Bagby”

“I’ve always admired the way the denizens of Hootin’ Holler let their tongues flop out of their mouths when someone tells them a joke. And by ‘admired,’ I mean ‘realized there is no point in being repulsed by a standardized drawing in a comic strip.'” –Randy

“Which would you rather have: a funny cartoon? Or, this?” –Hägar’s Horny Hat

“This guy doesn’t have to whip himself into shape — all he really needs is a guitar. The disappointed girlfriend will come along naturally.” –BigTed

“Okay, unless Wilbur gets decked tomorrow, I guess we’re in for another week of this dinner. Fine by me — I won’t be satisfied until something really socially transgressive occurs. A bunch of people have predicted vomiting, but I’m hoping for whiskey-scented diarrhea.” –Zla’od

“Dennis looks nonplussed. Here he was, all set to be served tea — to show the women that the only way to calm his menacing is to accept a place of doting servitude, thereby reinforcing the secretly greater menace of inescapable patriarchal gender roles — and all of a sudden this girl is making things about urban vs. suburban politics instead. It looks like he’ll have to do some reading before he can deal with her properly!” –pachoo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!