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My favorite comment of the week? It’s this one:

“Estelle will want to put one of those big burger pictures on the headboard of her bed.” –Lorne

But there were a bunch of funny one’s I enjoyed! Here’s the list!

“Now we know how the apocalyptic event that replaced most humans with talking animals came about: Count Weirdly caused it, just so he could afford a castle in New York City. That’s something that would cost 80 bajillion dollars today, yet he was able to buy one with the meager proceeds from his non-watertight bathysphere company.” –BigTed

“George’s finger inched toward the detonator. He made the first move, and by god, he was going to make the last one.” –Voshkod

“Ha ha, Mark is 100% cutting Leola loose there. ‘Don’t worry! Your corpse will provide valuable nourishment for endangered vultures!’” –pugfuggly

“The Delicious Grill is doing much better that its predecessor in that space, the International House of Undercooked Chicken.” –GeoGreg

“From what I’ve seen, stained glass is usually more associated with traditional denominations. Independent evangelical churches lean more toward the styles of Early American Industrial Park or Megachurch Brick Colossus.” –Tonio

“Italics and an interrobang? That’s a surprising depth of contempt from Mary, even for Wilbur.” –cisko

“‘Don’t bother to explain!‘ is Rule #1 in the Six Chix Employee Handbook.” –nescio

“In the Funkyverse, the phrase is: ‘Abscess makes the heart-growth stronger.’ Let’s try to stick to the program, here.” –grsblvnyk

“That has to be the most phallic representation of a bed I’ve ever seen. If screwing on what looks like a big blue Johnson is what it takes to get your jollies, more power to you, but I think it’d kind of get me out of the mood.” –Pozzo

“Literally one sentence into Wilbur’s new relationship and he’s making the woman feel uncomfortable. [nods] Sure, that tracks.” –Dan

“Hoo boy is Wilbur excited about catfish! He’s going to ignore Estelle’s warning that it may cause vomiting and/or diarrhea (which should go without saying considering it’s a fish product served at a burger joint in a mall) and order up some sweet sweet catfish anyway. Estelle is incidental here — Wilbur’s first thought this morning was ‘I’ve got a date with a catfish!’” –Jenna

“I’m really enjoying that Wilbur is at least 15 years younger than Estelle (and a real person), yet is STILL a massive downgrade from catfish boyfriend by virtue of being, well, Wilbur.” –@bananawarmer, on Twitter

“Dennis’s ultimate menace: his parents love each other, but have a constant tow-headed reminder that expressing that love too physically could result in another Dennis in the world. They sacrifice the intimacy they long for, for all our sakes.” –Truckosaurus

“Morning? Again?! When will my prayers bring the Ever Night? How many sacrifices will it take to attract the eye of the Great Moon?” –Enlong

“I sure hope nothing happened to Doc! The authorities are going to be very suspicious if I put the blame for this catastrophe on a dead man!” –WLP

“Dammit! Why do I keep not dying in my sleep? ‘99% effective,’ my ass, D-Con!” –Damian

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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My friends, tonight, YOU can see my and other hilarious people do COMEDY JOKES on stage at 8 pm, if you’re in Los Angeles! What are you waiting for? Commit your body and soul by telling Facebook that you’re going!

Even if you don’t come to my show, you still deserve love, and joy, and so forth, and you can get that love and joy from your comment … of the week!

“Bold move for Dick Tracy to start implicating other legacy comic characters of grisly crimes. After this story arc, maybe he should pivot to Jon Arbuckle, and see if we can find out what REALLY happened to Lyman.” –SideshowJon

And your very hilarious runners up!

“Be sure to mention that sweet boombox in your updated Silverdaters profile, Estelle! Unless you think it’s a gold digger magnet, that is.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“That’s right, seniors, when you’re ready to get back into the game of love, come to SilverDaters.com, the only dating website that requires your scam payments to be made in easily accessible silver! Don’t be fooled by imitators, like GoldDaters.com, which is filled with gold diggers, or CryptoDaters.com, which makes you pay your love ransom in some weird e-currency! Remember what our spokesman, William Jennings Bryan, always says: ‘You shall not press down upon the brow of horny seniors this crown of crypto; you shall not crucify gullible spinsters upon a cross of gold!’ SilverDaters.com. Where ‘bi’ stands for bimetallism!” –Voshkod

“There’s definitely something afoot here. Birds don’t have sweat glands. Did this imposter kill the real candle shop owner and stuff her corpse into the AC unit? Will Slylock be able to mentally move past the factoids about the melting point of wax and principles of thermodynamics in time to bring this murderer to justice? Can’t wait to see how this one turns out!” –jroggs

“If only we’d made the walls pitch black to match the carpets!” –Rosstifer

“It’s not particularly rebellious if no one is trying to stop you from doing it.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“But really, the fact that I looked at the picture without reading the text and thought ‘shady shrew’ tells me that Slylock is going to be useless at anything that doesn’t involve fixing blame. Maybe she should have called someone with STEM skills, like Count Weirdly?” –Richardf8

“I have no idea what Pam & Jeff’s son’s name is, but I’m hoping that it’s ‘Bob,’ because having a couple in which both partners have palindromic names would be adorable (until they get cancer).” –Pozzo

“I realize that public-private partnerships are all the rage, but I still think it’s pathetic that the D.A. has to share his sumptuous office space with a chai bar and a banking branch of a Catholic militia group.” –Peanut Gallery

“You might not have guessed it would be better to have the main character named Underwear, but here we are.” –pachoo

“The crossover nobody dared to imagine. Wait, did I write ‘dared to?’ I meant ‘bothered to.’” –GeoGreg

“I wanna talk about that kid who’s got BOTH backpack straps over one shoulder. Absolute legend.” –@TheWillThe, on Twitter

“What’s sad is that Estelle confused an ad for an online travel service on the SilverDaters website as a profile. She calls them twice a day, and when they get sick of explaining her mistake to her, they put her on hold. She’s actually been singing along with Michael McDonald’s cover of ‘Walking in Memphis.’” –pugfuggly

“Six Chix is attempting to reboot the infamous ’60s sitcom My Mother, The Cabernet.” –Cotton Candy Beard

“Look, I’m sorry if we seemed a bit elitist, but having us read Animal Farm isn’t going to make us any more accepting of your Furry lifestyle!” –JJ48

“The little miracle here is that Marvin himself is prevented from saying, doing, or thinking anything for two whole panels. He doesn’t even give a knowing look to the audience. I’m gonna call this a win.” –Joe Blevins

“It’ll take more than one colonel to potty train Marvin. It will take a team of elite CIA officers employing a Clockwork Orange scenario. In the end, he’ll be a nearly-functional adult, but will break down and run to the nearest bathroom at the first note of a Beethoven symphony.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

My friends, one week from tonight YOU can see my and other hilarious people do COMEDY JOKES on stage at 8 pm, if you’re in Los Angeles! What are you waiting for? Commit your body and soul by telling Facebook that you’re going!

And you can commit your body and soul to joy right now by enjoying your comment of the week!

“All Lockhorns comics are funnier with the following caption: ‘Jesus, Loretta, they’re going to sue us.’” –a.

And your runners up! Very funny!

“If $40 and a tip jar won’t pay for two crappy toy guns and a fake mustache, these guys are clearly shopping at the wrong guns and disguises store.” –Julia Margarita

“Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D., realises the secret dream of nerds everywhere: turning nitpicking, ‘just asking questions‘ and ‘actually’ into weapons effective in the real world.” –Ettorre

“After the apocalypse, when the survivors have reluctantly banded together into fortified communities but are still riven by mutual distrust, ‘What are you cooking there, neighbor?’ / ‘Just enough food to feed my family’ will become the new standard greeting.” –Schroduck

“[ring, ring] ‘You’ve reached the voicemail of COUNT WEIRDLY. Please leave a message after the beep.’ [beep] ‘Sly, old buddy, it’s Count Weirdly. I know you’re sneaking around my castle right now because, well, you always are. I’m on a business trip in, uh… Bismarck, the state capital of South Dakota! Or am I? You tell me, super sleuth! Haha! Anyway, can you do me a solid and feed my pets while you’re there? Thanks, chief. Oh, and no making friends with the purple thing; I’m planning on teaching it to commit mail fraud once it’s housebroken. Catch you on the flip!’ [beep]” –jroggs

“‘What’s wrong with Otto?’ ‘He wanted to piss on the bedpost but doesn’t have the opposable thumbs necessary to remove his uniform, so he pissed his pants. How’s your Alpo?’” –nescio

“I was in there so long because I was on the phone with Glenwood’s finest! Also, I think I might have a minor bowel obstruction. What? Now that the ‘robbery’ is over we need another source of dramatic tension, right?” –pugfuggly

“TIRED: The Pajama Diaries couple is into BDSM. WIRED: At least one of the Pajama Diaries characters has teeth instead of a toothless little dot mouth.” –Jenna

“I think the phrase Rob is looking for is ‘a productive and respected author and philosopher with influential theories about camp.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘Dating used to be much simpler’ thought Mary as she ate the salad with her bare hands, stopping only to roughly douse each piece of iceberg lettuce with mustard.” –Escape Zeppelin

“You know, if someone told me they’d just almost been hit by a truck, I’d have a pretty good idea why they looked depressed.” –Rube

“Oh Lettuce, King of Vegetables, I come to you in the name of Estelle, who is a human vegetable in her way. Help her find her true dressing!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Estelle thinks cats have it easy? Mary is still worried about how Estelle is adjusting? I know where this is going. Spoiler alert: Estelle is going to start living her life as a cat. She’ll make herself some kind of crude cat costume, and she’ll start prancing around her apartment on all fours. Eventually, the Santa Royale police will find her scrounging through garbage can in an alley. They’ll shine a flashlight on her, and she’ll hiss. This is going to be great.” –Joe Blevins

“What’s the one thing more dorky than a stamp collection or barbershop quartet? Your hippie English teacher’s favorite century-old novelist! It wouldn’t seem possible to make attractive, athletic high-school girls completely unpopular, but I guess you can always find a way if you try hard enough.” –BigTed

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine an athletic cleat stamping on a human face — forever.” –Dmsilev

“Aren’t these guys all old enough to have qualified for Medicare years ago? ‘Curse you, LBJ, for forcing me to invent a contorted hillbilly spelling of inshorance!’” –Peanut Gallery

“I jes’ got me one o’ them HSAs — a Hillbilly Scufflin’ Account!” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Sunday 2am: A weekly webcomic about life, love, happiness, creme-filled snacks (and only occasionally talking animals).

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!