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It’s about to be the first Friday of the month, folks, and you know what that means: you should come see my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, one week from TONIGHT!

Here’s the Facebook event! I promise you will regret nothing!

You definitely won’t regret reading this comment of the week:

“Also coincidentally, The Troublemaker’s Twin was a series of books for older children about a polite, rules-following boy who was often mistaken for his mischievous look-alike brother, resulting in hilariously sticky situations. They were based on real-life brothers, one of whom, shockingly, grew up to be a serial killer who mostly struck on airplanes. Which one was it? That’s something for them to know and Rex to find out.” –BigTed

Nor will you regret enjoying these hilarious runners up!

“I find the use of an Edgar Allan Poe quote here ominous. Somebody’s not making it out of this story alive.” –Noel

“He seems nice. And the ripped upholstery shows that he really does like cats!” –seismic-2

“Dick Tracy’s police state dystopia may have brutally crushed the unions, but there’s always a loophole. The teachers can’t go on strike, but their pets can. Rise up, hamsters and gerbils of the classroom! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!” –Schroduck

“I can believe a lot of things, Dick Tracy, but there’s no way in hell I can suspend my disbelief far enough to believe that a sports columnist for a newspaper lives in an apartment that large in Chicago.” –Dread

“Also: Facebook? Is Michelle supposed to be Curtis’ aunt?” –Joe Blevins

“I would argue that the ‘worst part‘ is the murdering.” –A Concerned Reader

“In the last panel, Mohawk Guy is reflecting on that time someone asked him what he was doing this weekend and he said ‘Just family stuff.’ He is marveling at what a perfect response that was, how it satisfyingly answered the question. ‘That explains things,’ indeed!” –Jenna

“Snuffy looks down on other West Virginians wanting to keep their coal jobs, since coal is too modern and innovative! Fight to keep our charcoal jobs!” –Ettorre

“Even though basketball season just ended, I’m staying in condition. Watch me dribble this hamburger!” –seismic-2

“I assume everyone is smiling in this strip because no-one can hear Dennis. More cymbals! I can still make out the upper register of his voice!” –pugfuggly

“I like that JT is supposed to be the ‘good twin’ and all we know about his alleged moral superiority is that he talks endless amounts of shit about his brother with strangers. TJ was an abrasive lout, but he never once defamed his family.” –jroggs

“My two boys … my two boys … Could they be twins? I’m not sure. Let me think back on my medical training. Twins are … born at the same time, right? I think we only got the one when June went into labor. Did we get two? It was a while ago; I don’t remember. We could’ve gotten two and given one away, right? And maybe we wound up adopting him. That could happen. What a wild story that would make! But if you put one up for adoption, are they not twins anymore? Maybe that’s what makes them stop being identical twins, and turns them into fraternal twins? It’s all kind of hazy. I’ll check Gray’s Anatomy when I get home and see if that’s got any answers. I’m sure glad I have medical training. Twins! What a crazy thing, huh?” –Larry McAwful

“JT’s eyes are exactly the same colour as his moustache. No way is he the good twin.” –Mantha

“‘Picasso’s style isn’t Abstraction, it’s Cubism!’ Halftrack yells as he thrusts Beetle’s head through the canvas.” –Lee Sherman

“Is that Beetle’s beret? His hair? Do the two somehow combine to make an inside-the-helmet helmet? This is the real abstraction. Well played Browne-Walker, Inc.!” –Bobby Sneakers

“Ah, hell. Ditto’s got the rabies, he’s foamin’ at the mouth. Time to put Young Yeller down, Chip.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• SocMediaMarket: Meet the new way of becoming a famous! Buy Instagram followers, likes, and views.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

And now, your comment of the week:

“The Keane Kompound originally experimented with the Dervish’s method of spinning as prayer, but that proved way too high energy for their American physique. So now they just hang upside down until they black out, as god intended.” –Escape Zeppelin

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I didn’t know ‘Excelsior‘ meant one last gratuitous crotch shot.” –Zerowolf

“Peter Parker is one of those annoying tourists who will quote stereotypes at every local during his vacation. He will die after the 100th time he says, ‘That’s not a knife!’ and an Aussie snaps and stabs him.” –Dread

“I really like how the watercooler seems to have spigots like 6 inches off the floor. I guess everyone’s a dick in this universe, up to and including office supply companies.” –pugfuggly

“Okay, okay, so Rex’s hair is just … like that all the time. It comes out of the shower that way. All right. That negates, like, a good decade of fan theories I had been formulating, but I can recalibrate.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to make a joke about tuning in in-room porn, but I guess to Rex news stories about his heroics are in-room porn.” –Pozzo

“The rock concert was probably something like ‘Municipal Symphony Plays Hits by Bob Dylan.’ Which would explain why Leroy, himself a connoisseur of dickishness, looks perplexed as this guy shouts so deeply from his sternum that he has to lock his back and dig his feet in.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Let me make myself clear, no hubub! I don’t want things all cattywompus, full of kerfuffle after boondoggle, and all hurly burly. Am I perfectly clear? Bob’s your uncle.” –Joe

“I was looking forward to Kadia moving into Skull Cave. ‘Oh, this is my friend’s house. He’s out of the country and ours is under renovation. Guran runs the school. You’ll enjoy learning differential equations — in the Bandar Tongue. Babudan teaches archery and tracking.’” –Downpuppy

“My girls will love it here! They’ve always wanted to be green-screened into an architectural software rendering.” –Peanut Gallery

“Sure, Leroy’s got the big-city office, the briefcase, the overpriced to-go coffee, the suit and striped tie, the extremely expensive degree that serves no purpose but to indicate his monetary and cultural power, but class anxiety never goes away.” –Schroduck

“The rude passengers, the news anchors, it’s all the same — Rex doesn’t care who he feels contempt for, just as long as he can feel contempt for someone.” –TheDiva

“Ha ha ha! Fuck the 8th Amendment! Over to you, Chip, for Sports!” –Little Guy

“If you think this sounds like a lot of bureaucratic red tape for a husband and wife organizing a pick-up softball game, you should see what Gil and Mimi have to go through to have sex. They can’t even get to third base without twenty pages of forms and a notary public.” –jroggs

“Billy’s expression disturbs me. He doesn’t have a smug smile that indicates ‘I just successfully hurt my sister,’ or a furrowed brow or frown that indicates ‘I’m going to get in trouble’ or (ha ha) ‘I hope my sister is OK.’ His perfectly neutral mouth and raised eyebrows of curiosity read as ‘So these humans are upset when pain is inflicted on them. I shall store this information away for later use.’” –matt w

“If Billy had farted, then the half-assed wordplay would have actually made sense, which would be very off-brand for Family Circus. What’s very on-brand is Thel not giving a shit that those melon-headed monsters are playing basketball inside the goddamn house.” –Rosstifer

“Three demerits to random Dick Tracy guest character for bumbling his line. It should be ‘Was she a math teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all adds up.’ The judges would have also accepted ‘Was she a grammar teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all parses out’ or ‘Was she a science teacher?’ ‘Yes, just as I hypothesized.’” –Dmsilev

“If you go gallivanting around with my father searching for hidden gold, don’t even bother coming back! Unless, of course, you find it.” –BigTed

“Mark Trail makes a lot more sense once you realize the characters are all reading pre-selected text off the inside of their eyeballs, Terminator-style.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”
• SocMediaMarket: Meet the new way of becoming a famous! Buy Instagram followers, likes, and views.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) one week from tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

But what I’m seeing here is the comment of the week:

“The power light on Mark has gone to the slow blink of ‘stand by’.” –Foodar

Along with the hilarious runners up!

“Henry rejects the authority of the state to legislate mandatory seat belt use, and has taken it to extremes by removing all the belts in his car. He is upping the menace by driving something that looks like it uses corrugated cardboard in lieu of sheet metal for the bodywork.” –Rusty

“Okay, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the throwaway panels on Dennis the Menace Sunday strips will no longer contain their own, self-contained jokes. Whoever does the strip now can’t be bothered. Fine. Be lazy. Yawn in the Grim Reaper’s face. Whatever. But now, the traditional Sunday subtitle isn’t even a pun? This one is called ‘A Nice Thought,’ and it’s about Dennis having a nice thought. That’s just … I mean, Jesus Christ, Dennis the Menace! You had your own prime time show for four years! And a movie starring Walter Matthau! He won an Oscar … not for that, but still, he won one. What I’m saying is, where’s the pride?” –Joe Blevins

“Alternative explanation: Doc Pritchart doesn’t actually have a working x-ray machine, that‘s just a drawing of what he imagines a skeleton looks like.” –Boston Unscientific, on Twitter

“I know it is difficult for the captain to go down with the ship, but he IS a duck.” –amarylliss

“[Sixty years later] ‘And once, kids, when I was twelve, I was on a plane that landed in the desert.’ [Grandchildren look up briefly from their phones] ‘Really?’ ‘Yeah, a bus came and picked us up.’ [Kids look back down at their phones] ‘I sat next to a doctor.’ [Kids get up and walk into the next room] ‘He said I could tell you this story!’” –But What Do I Know?

“Is this what phone sex looks like in retirement? I’ll just keep eating cheeseburgers and try to die at 50, thank you.” –DevOpsDad

“Pluggers’ contempt is usually reserved for younger people and the newfangled things they like, but I’m guessing from the waitress’s glasses and paunch that she too is a plugger, and salads have been around for centuries. Maybe the waitress-dog horrified look is saying, ‘Look, pal, I’m on your side, but we pluggers can’t just start hating everything. This isn’t Crankshaft, for Pete’s sake.’” –Jenna

“That ‘bearded‘ is awkward and gratuitous, but you have to get Mark emotionally involved somehow.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Wait a minute, ‘our parents-in-law are going to live with us and make us miserable‘ is a plot point of Crankshaft. I believed that not even Funky Winkerbean would sink so low as to steal from Crankshaft!” –Ettore

“Yep, the Doc said that as long as you trust the pilot, everything will always be fine! Fatal crashes only happen when people don’t trust the pilot enough!” –JJ48

“Dennis’ fifth birthday is an infinite number that never repeats, which is why it’s celebrated on 3/14.” –cheech wizard

“There’s a non-zero chance that between panels 2 and 3, Dagwood tried to snort that phone.” –pugfuggly

“It’s clearly a catfish though. There are no successful men named Arthur.” –Dan

“The only people Dag actually talks to are his elderly boss and the kid from down the street, so his main cultural touchpoints are the Korean War and some 12-year-old girl who does unboxing videos on YouTube.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!