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Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) one week from tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

But what I’m seeing here is the comment of the week:

“The power light on Mark has gone to the slow blink of ‘stand by’.” –Foodar

Along with the hilarious runners up!

“Henry rejects the authority of the state to legislate mandatory seat belt use, and has taken it to extremes by removing all the belts in his car. He is upping the menace by driving something that looks like it uses corrugated cardboard in lieu of sheet metal for the bodywork.” –Rusty

“Okay, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the throwaway panels on Dennis the Menace Sunday strips will no longer contain their own, self-contained jokes. Whoever does the strip now can’t be bothered. Fine. Be lazy. Yawn in the Grim Reaper’s face. Whatever. But now, the traditional Sunday subtitle isn’t even a pun? This one is called ‘A Nice Thought,’ and it’s about Dennis having a nice thought. That’s just … I mean, Jesus Christ, Dennis the Menace! You had your own prime time show for four years! And a movie starring Walter Matthau! He won an Oscar … not for that, but still, he won one. What I’m saying is, where’s the pride?” –Joe Blevins

“Alternative explanation: Doc Pritchart doesn’t actually have a working x-ray machine, that‘s just a drawing of what he imagines a skeleton looks like.” –Boston Unscientific, on Twitter

“I know it is difficult for the captain to go down with the ship, but he IS a duck.” –amarylliss

“[Sixty years later] ‘And once, kids, when I was twelve, I was on a plane that landed in the desert.’ [Grandchildren look up briefly from their phones] ‘Really?’ ‘Yeah, a bus came and picked us up.’ [Kids look back down at their phones] ‘I sat next to a doctor.’ [Kids get up and walk into the next room] ‘He said I could tell you this story!’” –But What Do I Know?

“Is this what phone sex looks like in retirement? I’ll just keep eating cheeseburgers and try to die at 50, thank you.” –DevOpsDad

“Pluggers’ contempt is usually reserved for younger people and the newfangled things they like, but I’m guessing from the waitress’s glasses and paunch that she too is a plugger, and salads have been around for centuries. Maybe the waitress-dog horrified look is saying, ‘Look, pal, I’m on your side, but we pluggers can’t just start hating everything. This isn’t Crankshaft, for Pete’s sake.’” –Jenna

“That ‘bearded‘ is awkward and gratuitous, but you have to get Mark emotionally involved somehow.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Wait a minute, ‘our parents-in-law are going to live with us and make us miserable‘ is a plot point of Crankshaft. I believed that not even Funky Winkerbean would sink so low as to steal from Crankshaft!” –Ettore

“Yep, the Doc said that as long as you trust the pilot, everything will always be fine! Fatal crashes only happen when people don’t trust the pilot enough!” –JJ48

“Dennis’ fifth birthday is an infinite number that never repeats, which is why it’s celebrated on 3/14.” –cheech wizard

“There’s a non-zero chance that between panels 2 and 3, Dagwood tried to snort that phone.” –pugfuggly

“It’s clearly a catfish though. There are no successful men named Arthur.” –Dan

“The only people Dag actually talks to are his elderly boss and the kid from down the street, so his main cultural touchpoints are the Korean War and some 12-year-old girl who does unboxing videos on YouTube.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Why, it’s time for the week’s top comment, everybody!

“I’ve never seen an email chain before where both sides sound like spam.” –Noel

It’s also time for the very funny runners up!

“Spidey: ‘We’re Marvel superheroes who should be on the same side! Wanna fight each other for no good reason?’ Luke Cage [checks the box-office tally for Captain America: Civil War]: ‘Sure!’” –BigTed

“Spidey just invited Luke Cage to … step on his hand, apparently. Not his remote control hand, of course. I mean, super strength and invulnerability, sure, but why risk it?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Lesson 2: This is my town! Mediocre is always good enough, in Milford!” –seismic-2

“‘And what a looker!’ I am not in favor of this modern hepcat slang creeping into our language and corrupting our youth. What next? Estelle smoking a marijuana reefer cigarette? It’s sure to follow.” –Just John

“Years later when the adult Marvin has to shell out good money to pay women to stare at him while he takes a shit, I doubt he’ll thank his mother for instigating this expensive fetish.” –nescio

“I’m not saying Canada is a minor country, but doesn’t their Prime Minister have something to do other than answering his own phone and watching the Canadian flag livestream on his giant TV all day?” –Schroduck

“As far as sexual innuendos go, ‘Whip the purple man‘ is, uh … well, it certainly paints a picture.” –pugfuggly

“Well, nice of you to give MJ 33% of the credit, even though she did 99% percent of the work while you two were mind-controlled and/or useless. I’m having flashbacks to high school group projects” –TheDiva

“The Ghost Who Flies First Class: ‘We got here on this wonderful thing called a passenger airplane. Imagine that. Something that can go faster than a ship and further than a helicopter.’” –Liam

“Everyone knows we use the Yahoo address for our activities we don’t want other people to know about. If he’s really into you, Estelle, hold out for Gmail.” –Old School Allie Cat

“It seems that the algorithm that has been writing Shoe for years is sick about getting no recognition and so it has started to express passive aggressive comments about meat-bags.” –Ettore

“I’m kinda touched that this murderer/dom called the other person ‘jerk,’ like that’s the meanest name he could come up with, or like he’s okay with murder/intense sexual roleplay but swearing? C’mon, show some class.” –Jenna

“A gym teacher and a basketball coach, eh? Clearly, this was the work of nerds. As a safety precaution, we’d better tear gas the comic book convention.” –Joe Blevins

“If I saw the first panel from across a crowded coffee shop, I’d think this was two men sharing horror stories about the pain of chronic constipation, with one either asking for a bribe or showing some left-hand guitar fingerings.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Jeff’s wearing his one blue suit, but have we EVER seen Jenny dolled up like this before? Upswept hair, (very!) little black dress, earrings. She’s not dressing for dinner at the type of place where the coffee cups are on the table throughout the meal and a couple who have to live with her parents can afford a steak the size of a dinner plate. I think she won’t stop talking about Marvin so Jeff won’t get any ideas, because she’s clearly going out on her REAL date after they go home and he passes out.” –Sally

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Guys! Tonight, in LA, you have the amazing opportunity to come to The Internet Read Aloud, my beloved comedy show!

Why deny yourself a moment of joy in this depressing world! Here is the Facebook event!

And here is your comment of the week!

“I choose to believe the hobo isn’t licking the plate, but talking to it. ‘The steak was good, plate! Thank you for steak!’” –Cotton Candy Beard

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Marie is dead inside, which means she’s ready to go back to work for the Parker-Spencer-Drivers as God and nature intended.” –TheDiva

“African-American caricature to Native American caricature: ‘Racist you to the bottom!’” –Jenna

“In fairness, getting a famous person’s autograph minutes before doing them in is a sure way to drive up its value.” –Hergen

“Is it me or does Reeky look like he’s doing pretty well at the moment? He’s wearing a nice jumper and pink fuzzy slippers, his home looks clean, maybe even renovated, and he’s dealing with this situation calmly and reasonably because he’s done nothing wrong. Did he get a new job? Girlfriend? Inheritance? Why am I more interested in this than a one-eyed man plotting to commit flamethrower murder?” –Rosstifer

“As an experienced mercenary, is it really in your best interest to be standing face to face with the fairly unstable first time user of the loaded flamethrower you just lent him?” –OzMan

“What a twist! Well, I guess it’s not really that surprising, since ‘Gil Thorp Assistant’ and ‘Gil Thorp Criticizer’ seem to be two viable career choices in a town that has very few.” –pugfuggly

“He wants my job?! Not even I want my job!” –Ettorre

“Ah, you must be Estelle. I know what you’re thinking. But I won this cane from the King of Mercia after defeating his champion in single combat, and I keep the tie tucked in because I don’t want it to get caught in the prop of my seaplane. As for the hunch, well, I’m descended from a long line of hunchbacks, and I’m proud of it. So, we gettin’ it on or what? You’re not getting any younger.” –Voshkod

“Who needs necking when you have Earless Nightmare Child: The Animated Movie to entertain you?” –Joe Blevins

“True story: when my wife was single, one of her experiences with online dating was a guy who went into great detail about the adult circumcision that he had undergone. My point is, Estelle hasn’t even scratched the service of where these experiences are likely to take her next.” –GDBenz

“Like Chicago and New York, Santa Royale has its own unique pizza style, except Santa-Royale-style means you just pour a can of chunky tomato soup into a store-bought pie crust.” –Schroduck

“I’ll have a nice breakfast of nourishing proteins and fats, please! No good? Okay, then I’ll get a heaping bowl of pure carbs. Man, I can’t wait until the keto commenters get ahold of this comic.” –BigTed

“Licking the plate? No way. He would have wiped it off with his hat ‘for later’” –word-doctor

“The service industry can be so stressful! Ordering products in bulk and having them delivered to people’s rooms! It’s enough to make you want to kill! At least that would be something interesting.” –cheech wizard

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”
• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!